Swinging All The Way with Holli & Michael

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the hera by jeju. It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes Jaejoo is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20% off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r a so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz my man e here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's got a hair her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Hey everyone. Thanks for listening to sex with Emily. On today's show, we have television and radio personalities Holly and Michael in the studio. They are experts in the field of love, relationships and what it takes to feel sexy, as well as my go tos on all things swinging. Today they're joining us to talk modern relationships, the swinging lifestyle, tips for keeping sex hot, and so much more. It's gonna be a really fun show.

Speaking of fun, I need to talk to you about my sibian, my weekly sibian update. I've had it for six months now, and we've gotten really, really close. I actually feel like we're advancing in ways I never felt I could get that close to any other Thing, object, person, human. It's something that 100% pushes the needle in your sex life whether you're single or in a relationship. And a lot of women have the inability to orgasm during intercourse. And the thing about the Sibian is you get a Sibian and you can actually learn what it takes to so you can have that orgasm using one of the attachments and then transfer that experience to being with a partner. It's also great foreplay. Your partner, you know, it's hot to watch your partner riding the simian and he likes watching it. Comes with a little stool. He can get cozy, have a beer in his hand, whatever, and watch you ride it. It's awesome. Repeated rides. And the CBN can train your body to orgasm. You have multiple O's, increased sexual response. And also there's a 45 day trial period. So if you're not completely satisfied with your multiple orgasms, the sib you can bring it back. Go to sibian.com that's s y, B I A N. And with code EMILY75, you get $75 off your first order. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list and check out all the other fun things going on there. We have a new website too, which is amazing. Also, I know a lot of you have been asking about our 10 year live show we did at the Improv. And that podcast will be coming out on January 5th, so you don't want to miss it because it was epic night, I have to say. And also one more thing before we get down to business is Sexual Health Expo January 16th and 17th in Los Angeles at the Universal Hilton Hotel. You guys have heard me talking about this for about a year now. We've done it in four different cities. They have top sex educators around the country, the latest and greatest toys, the Sibine will be there. You can even ride a Sibian if you want or at least touch them with your hand. It's not that kind of thing, but we're giving away tickets. So if you'd like to go, email me feedbackexwithemily.com and tell us why you want to go. Each ticket is good for two people. You can bring your partner, bring a friend, have a good time. So check that out and send us an email. Hi, Holly and Michael.

Hi.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having us.

I know I'm really, I'm excited. I love being on your show. I love knowing you guys. You guys have been on the show before. So you guys, like, the second time. And that was, like, two years ago. You so cute. You sent me the picture of us.

I did. I was seeing pictures, and I thought I'd give you memories.

Really fun. And everyone can find you just. And this will all be on our website as well. But it's HollyandMichael.com that's Holly with an I don't mess that up.

Nope.

And Twitter is wingtime69 and Instagram is ealhollipockets.

Yes.

And yeah. So check all that out. And you guys are still doing your Playboy radio swing.

Yes.

Which is an awesome show.

Thank you.

It's so fun. I love it. And the TV show. And you guys have just been, like, traveling all, like. I don't even know what you're like. Oh, no. We're, like, in Ecuador, taking a little swing. Where are you? What are you doing all over?

The only sad thing is when you're out of town, we're out of town and never in the same city. We have to make it so we end up in the same city.

I want to do that.

We're broadcasting live on location, literally. Last year was three different continents, 17 different countries in 42 different cities. This year, we'll come pretty close to that.

And is it swing the show that you're doing it everywhere, or is it.

It's swing with Holly and Michael on radio.

Okay. Right.

Not the TV show, the radio show. Very proud. Still, Playboy radio's number one show. We've been on for almost five years. March will be five years and been number one for about four.

Number one. Congratulations. How do you. How do you find it?

You go to playboyradio.com swing or just playboyradio.com also on the TuneIn app, SoundCloud, iTunes now.

Oh, everywhere. Yeah.

Thank God. Everywhere.

Podcasts are not sold.

Yeah, there you go. There you go.

Because it's free.

It's right.

Okay. So that's awesome. So you guys are just. You've been really busy working. The last time I saw you, I was grateful that we were in the same city because you invited me to a play party and I hadn't been to one in a while. And the guy I'm dating, still dating Ross, he actually came on the show and we talked about it after that. Yeah.

Such a nice guy.

I kind of wanted to come in today too, but he was busy. But he liked him. He loved you guys.

Really liked.

Because he was nervous. Cause we had been out having like a night, like a work night, and we were doing stuff. And then I was like, hey, how am I even wanting to go? And he was like, should we go? I'm like, yeah, let's go. He was so excited to like. We talked a lot about it, but it was a fun. How was that party? What do you think? I guess parties go. You guys left before we did.

I thought it was good. Yeah, that's funny.

We didn't play, you know what?

And we didn't play that night.

So Holly's libido had been through the roof. And we had played, I believe, probably nine or ten nights out of 14.

Oh, it was the 14th night. Thanks a lot for inviting me to the 14th night.

It's like, God, we needed a seventh day of rest.

She needed a day of rest. A 14th day of rest, right? The party was great. As you saw, the couple's beautiful. And when I say high end, I'm not talking necessarily about appearance, though they were beautiful. Yeah, they're class. As you and Ross saw. No one's touching anyone without permission. People are introducing themselves. They're making sure to get to know you.

Yeah, exactly.

They want to know you. They don't care how much money you make or where you live. Now, are you a nice person? Do you understand what you're here for? Do you get the rules? Because either you get it or you regret it.

Right? Exactly.

Bottom line.

So, yeah, let's talk about that. Because we were just so. If you. I mean. Cause we got into some of it, just kind of like what I was more like. Because the funny thing was he had never been to a party like that. He never seen two people having sex in front of him. So let's just start there. So to him, you guys were leaving. I'm like. And he's like, oh, we should stay, you know, because I like that.

That was really cool because it showed me that he was interested.

And we didn't. We didn't end up playing, but it was more like, wait, are they. Those people are having sex right now? But those are the ones we were just talking to, right? Like his mind blown, right? And it was hot. It was like foreplay. And he was completely turned on. I was. In the way his face looked. I'm like. It was kind of like, you know, I guess when a parent first takes their kid to Disneyland or something, they seem like Mickey Mouse. And I'm like, oh, wow. You have to come look at naked.

People instead of heirs. You See? Go, Nats. I gotcha. Instead of the Mickey Mouse ears.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, my God. Come talk. So we talked about it from his experience. But you guys are great, though, because we got there, and you guys are so disarming and so warm and open, and you guys were, like, just telling him about your history and your background, which I didn't really know all of that about just how you got into it and how you met and. Yeah, I mean, Thomas a little about that. I find it fascinating how you guys met and lifestyle he's been in for a while.

I've been in it since I was 18, so almost 20 years now. And it was in college, you know, we just called it a Thursday night, an orgy at the fraternity house. But I remember dating. It's Thursday, right? The day that ends. Why? I was dating a woman. I was 18, she was 24, 26. And she said, I'd like to take you to a party downtown.

Was there two of them or just Chicago?

No, there's one. Oh, phew. Somewhere between 24 and 20. She's older. And I said, all right, let's do it. And on the way there, because we were 60 miles from the city where I went to school, she's explaining to me, this party. Oh, my God. I get to have sex with other people too. You're the best. Because she had been part of the orgies, and now she's inviting me to go somewhere.

Where'd you go to school? Back up.

Northern Illinois University.

Northern Illinois. Oh, right, you're in Illinois. So what else are you gonna do? I went to Michigan. But invited me to orgies.

It's a fraternity thing.

It's the border right there.

Yeah. You know, it's the Uber. No, I'm just kidding. So we go to this party. I meet all these people. I'm getting permission to have sex with people's wives. She's having sex with guys, and we're playing and all of this. And there's acronyms and there's. We call it in our book, Swing or Speak. There's all this different language. So I'm learning some of it. We leave. And she said, what did you think? And I said, I can't believe there's this world that I knew nothing about. Now, fast forward. I had been in the lifestyle on and off from that point through my first marriage.

Okay.

And after getting out of the marriage, she wanted to dabble in it with me, and I didn't, because, as you know, and I'm sure you would have experienced had Ross acted differently. You. The lifestyle is available to everyone. It's not right for just anyone though, right? There are people that you don't want to do.

Oh, yeah.

We meet and I've been in the lifestyle and I. Not bragging.

You met Holly.

I met Holly. Sorry. I met Holly and we talked about our pasts and I share. I'm very open. And I told her and then he told me.

And I was thinking, oh, my gosh, I would love to try this because I grew up Mormon, so I had never done anything in my life. I'd had one guy before, my previous husband, and I was such a prude, but I knew I wasn't a prude. I was open minded with other people. How they lived and how they thought and everything. So he tells me this and I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, I gotta go to one of these parties. And I beg him. I'm like, my God, please. And he's like, okay, we'll go.

He's like, settle down.

I know. All right, Chill out, woman. So we go and I have the most amazing time I've ever had.

One of the things Holly had said and Emily, I'm not sure the conversations you and Ross had, Holly had bisexual fantasies. The first time Holly masturbated as a Mormon you're not allowed to was to a Playboy magazine. And now she. She's a Playboy model and works for Playboy. Isn't that amazing?

That is amazing. And I remember.

And I remember masturbating to the lottery tickets.

Yeah.

Seriously, you take what you can get right.

Winning a lot of numbers. One of the biggest things with the lifestyle. I don't know what you and Ross did is communicating. Now, I know you well. I believe I know you well. And the way you operate and you're so forthcoming and honest that a man like Ross wouldn't have to worry because you're not going to jump in and do things that you hadn't talked about first. There are some people that do. So Holly and I communicated ahead of time about what she wanted to get out of the experience. What I wanted to get out of the experience. For me, it was just letting her experience it right.

And I didn't want to jump head first because that was scary. I just wanted to see what it was like. And if I kissed a girl, then that's. That's where I drew the lawn. Yeah, the line. And he. I did. I saw this beautiful woman and she. And I asked and I'm like, can I kiss her? And he's like, yeah. So I.

Well, actually, I said, it's not up to me. Yeah, it's up to you.

But I'm thinking he's right there. I need to ask permission, right?

You guys covered it up, right?

We're a couple and I kissed her and I was like, oh, my gosh, I cheated on you. Oh, we're gonna break up. This is horrible. And it turns out he was cool.

It was hot. She started making out with other women that night, too.

That was it. You were in.

That was it. I was in.

I always say you either dip your toes in the swinging pool or you jump head first into the deep end of the swinging pool. No matter what you do, though, you have to do it together. We are, I believe we are such a strong we because we're each a secure me. And without that, you're doomed.

It's true. And it's like any relationship, you want to be a strong me before we. So that's. That's amazing too, that you guys have that. But especially to be in the lifestyle, you really need to be strong and to keep communicating about all these things ahead of time. So then you kept. You were in it and you guys started dating, going to different parties and stuff. And so. And now you've written the def of book on it, which I think has been needed for so long because we get asked the same questions. I know you guys. Some of the stuff we're gonna talk about, we have talked about, but I just think that ask anything. It's so much. No, but this book is like, welcome to the lifestyle. And people can get it where for free.

If you go to.

Which is crazy.

I know this should be like, you.

Guys should be paying 50 bucks for this. I'm not. Or maybe 100, but it's free.

This is half of. This isn't even half of what I have. So if you go to the xclub.com, the t h e x club.com x that's the letter X.

Okay.

The. The letter X. So the X club.com and you put in your email address. They will send you. They bought the rights to use this parts of the. These parts of the books. They'll send you a PDF file. You can opt out of emails from them. That's fine.

Okay.

And you'll get this. Three quarters of what's in here is about relationships. Because unless you can be single and be in a lifestyle, single women we call unicorn. We can if you want to know why.

Yeah, I want to.

Okay.

We do want to talk about that a little bit. Yeah, but.

And then single men. Holly termed unicox, for obvious reasons. Bull is another term.

That's a good one.

However, if you're not in a solid relationship or you're not secure with yourself, you are not gonna fit into the lifestyle, and you'll be weeded out. So first I talk about what it means. Well, actually, the back part of it talks about what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Do's and don'ts in relationships.

Let's talk about what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Someone's going, God, I wonder if we're healthy enough.

Right?

Because this is what I think from a lot of people we hear from. Yeah, we're thinking about having a threesome. We've been together a while. We have a kid. We're not. You know, sex hasn't been that great lately. We're just gonna.

I'd say don't do it.

Don't do it.

Right. So what is. How do you define a healthy relationship in your.

I believe it's. It's all. It all comes down to communication and good communication. Because you can say, oh, yeah, we're great communicators. But then you don't tell your partner anything, or you just talk about the daily stuff, not about your feelings or. Or things like that. So we. I mean, we.

We talked about.

Pretty much had a good relationship from the start. No, because we're so. We're both so open with each other.

It's like a unicorn relationship. Right. I don't even know any other relationship like you guys.

And the unicorn is a term they use because unicorn is a mythical creature. So I'll get back to the relationship thing in a second. With the reason we call a single woman in the lifestyle who's interested in no strings attached NSA casual sex is because it was believed they don't exist. Oh, there's a lot of women, Emily, you know, a lot of women. I'm sure that you know that I've been a unicorn, you've been a unicorn that Enjoy it. And being with a couple, you know, you asked about threesomes. One of the first things, and it's in here, is for a successful threesome to occur. I believe you make it about the sex and only the sex. Holly and I are 100% emotionally monogamous. Physically, though, we play.

Right.

And it's only about the sex.

We're not falling in love with that person. We're not. I mean, we text for playdates and stuff, but we Don't. Oh, my gosh. How you feeling today? What are you doing?

Yeah.

Was it good? Things, personal things that we shouldn't be asking someone. That's just random.

There's boundaries. I've got to clear boundaries and even.

Go, you know, you asked, what's a healthy relationship? There are boundaries in a healthy relationship, too. We're in such a digital society today that, I mean, I love when you and I talk. I look at some people, though, that to me, you're healthy. The unhealthy people, in my opinion, are the ones that saying, you know, around that digital corner, be it this website or that website, that's for dating. I'll find someone new. So we have a problem. We're going to break up now.

Exactly.

It's too easy. And now let's say you're in a relationship to be healthy. Learn how to squash jealousy. What is causing jealousy? And if I know your buttons and I start pushing them, I'm wrong. If I don't know your buttons, in my opinion, you're incorrect for not showing.

Me, because I haven't told you that it makes me jealous when this happens. And so learn. Can we just go back to learning? Squash jealousy? Because I think there's a lot of couples that would be interested in this, but they're like. Or they just say, no way. If I saw my partner having sex with someone else, I have no constitution physically to handle that, or emotionally or emotionally. Mostly it's emotionally or physically, like, I might break down. But how do you squash it?

Well, baby, you want to start?

I think that. I mean, it takes time, and it takes trust in the person that you're working with.

Jealousy is normal.

Yeah.

I mean, as somebody who's a swinger in the lifestyle for as long as I have been, and even as successful as Holly and I are, as lifestyle people, as swingers, we still experience that twinge of jealousy from time to time. So I don't want anyone to think that once you're in the lifestyle, you'll never be jealous of me. It's normal. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry.

Well, to go along with your lines, there are certain people, like, I still get jealous, but it's certain people that kind of rub you the wrong way or they're getting too attached to you or the other person or these just inappropriately.

I don't think that's Chelsea, as much as it's uncomfortable, maybe. And then you tell me, I think.

It goes both ways, though. And I say, you know, I'm getting a little Jealous about her. And you know what?

I'm sure he's just, like, done. She's blocked. I know him. He's like, I'm blocking her from Facebook and Instagram.

She's done.

Right.

Also, when you reflect on how your past relationships went. I don't. I stopped dating virgins when I was a sophomore in college purposely because of the emotional attachment they get today. We don't want to date a virgin. So to speak.

Right.

If someone had never been in a relationship they're not going to know what went right and what went wrong. So when you start to recognize your past experiences and what your trigger points are, it is innate. Listen, if you go back, anthropologically, I'm sure you've read Sex at Dawn and a lot of people have. It's a wonderful book. It's their view on it. We were not created or programmed or evolved to be monogamous.

I agree.

And that doesn't mean that you have to go sleep around. I believe the true open relationship is not when you share your partner with others. It's when you share yourself completely with your partner. And then at that point, you and Ross can decide. Holly and I can decide.

I wish she was here. Right, Right. Exactly right.

But it's jealousy. You've got to understand your trigger points and. All right, what is it? I'm jealous. Am I jealous or actually insecure that I'm going to lose something I have or that I lost something in the past that I don't ever want to lose again?

Right. Abandonment.

Abandonment issues.

So the second I see him with someone else, it's going to be like, oh, my God. Or is she hotter? What are the feelings all over? Insecurities. Like, is she better than me? Right. Like watching someone else, you're like, God, I didn't never touch his balls like that. I mean, do you think those kind of things happen?

I don't know.

I think in the moment, it's just so hot that someone like, he gives me great pleasure. And now he's giving someone else great pleasure. And because I trust him so well that that girl's going home, I'm with him. And I understand how people can get really insecure about that. And, oh, my gosh, is he gonna fall in love with her? Is he gonna do this? But, yeah, it's going both ways. But I don't ever get that. And if I do start to get that little tingling, I just immediately tell him it's not.

I don't get mad. I'm mad. She doesn't get Mad at me.

She doesn't, because it's not his fault. I just tell him and he's like, done.

So it's almost like you're observing him going, wow, that's amazing that he gives me pleasure. And this other. It's almost like if he was like a lawyer and you watch him and, like, doing a trial, like, in court, you'd be like, that's so hot. How he's like, look at him.

She'll orgasm watching the other woman orgasm while being with me sexually. Because I'm also paying attention to Holly. It's not just women. Except the times. There are times she'll. She'll say, just focus on her completely. I'm getting off right now. And there are times if she's with a man, I would say the same thing. Because I enjoy. I'm a straight man. Any guy or couple. We really don't play with single guys. Any couple would be with as a straight man to. Or at least respects that I am. So there's pleasure. You know, if. If I were to say, you can't play with men now, Pockets. Holly said, what's her nickname?

Pockets. You guys have to listen to swing. You have to listen to the show. Pockets.

What do you say? You're far more. I'm more.

I'm far more bi than guy. I like women. Women are beautiful.

I know, right?

So I get it. You know, let's say you and Ross and Holly and I got together. However, you're very bisexual. If you are. And Pockets. So it's just the two of you played. That was it. That's hot.

Right?

And if Ross is touching you and I'm touching Holly, that's hot. We just have to make sure you're in rhythm, though. Because if we're both behind you doggy style and you're like, clenching teeth, that's not fun.

That's a disappointment.

Right? Exactly. Okay. Got it. That's good. That's a good vision. That's hot.

That is a hot vision.

Oh, wow.

I like it. Yeah, I do too.

Yeah. Okay, so. Right. That's good. I like that. Let's go. He's got sidetracked. But what about. Okay, so another thing is people who are like, a lot of people are, I think, more than ever now looking at non monogamy as an option. But there's also polyamorous relationships. I think that could be really confusing for people, Like. Cause people in polyamorous relationships, you know, have a primary partner and they do develop feelings and have emotions and attachments for Others. And so what do you think, Draw? Is it just your personality type or do you think people get confused by that ever?

I think it's a personality type. I personally couldn't do it myself, but I praise those that can.

I don't. Yeah. And I have an issue when anyone. And you're not saying that, though. We've had these debates and we welcome them on our show. I remember having this discussion with a couple on the new, which is now canceled, Ricky Lake show as myself, Dan Savage, and Simone Bien, who you know.

Yeah.

There's no hierarchy in the sexual alternative life. Okay. Polyamory, swinger, lifestyle, bdsm, Kink, Dom stuff. Polyamory, to me, the way I simplify it is with swinging, you're falling in. Like, with polyamory, you may fall in love. And like Holly said, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just different strokes for different folks. We've had polyamory couples literally, right? Yeah, we've had. Literally. And how much you can stroke. Never mind. And with the sibian, you can do a lot. Well, with the sibian, you can stroke a lot. Never mind.

That's true.

That damn sibian has moves that are amazing.

Oh, my God. It's mind blowing. Yeah.

So I go back to that, though. I get a little upset when a polyamorous couple has said to us, well, you know, you're just like animals. You sleep with anybody? No, we don't.

Right. It's not like you just go there like, who's a free right now? You take a number. That couple were.

Yeah, you were there.

Yeah.

There are beautiful couples there. There were to me, a 9. I don't like to use numbers. A 9 can become a 3 pretty quick, and a 5 can become an 8 because of personality.

Right.

So we are getting to know you a little bit. There are people that have sports sex.

Right. For sure.

That's not Holly and I.

No, you guys go there and you get to.

We get to know you a little bit. We're more social swingers than sexual swingers.

And it's not like anybody can go to these because everyone has to know the rules ahead of time. Like, it's not just like, if people start emailing, like, how can I. Oh, how can all of us go out with Holly and Michael? Like, you have to. It's really just single women and couples. Right.

Some single men, if you're interviewed first, because again, the perception of a single guy is that he's just going to be looking to get laid.

Right. And the thing is Right. Which he is. But he has best behavior. But simply. I just wanted. A lot of people are just observing, and that's fine, too.

Didn't you talk to Daniel Stern Swingland.

For the book Swingland?

Yeah.

You guys introduced me to him. That was a great show. You guys. Check it out.

Yeah. I mean, you're amazing in all your shows. So what I love about Daniel is. And he'll tell you, a guy that looks like Brad Pitt gets almost no action. He looks like Patton Oswalt, the comedian. He's a little better looking than Patton Oswalt. And he's getting action all the time.

Because of his personality.

There you go.

He's such a good guy, and he's so respectful.

And he gets it.

He does get it. He wrote the book.

Yes.

Now you wrote your book. I mean, did you write this book because you think it is so confusing for people? How to navigate it for that and.

To answer a lot of questions that people. You know, when you speak, you can have a thousand people sitting there. You ask if there's questions. Nobody raises their hand. Then you're stuck for two hours after answering. And I don't mean stuck in a bad way. You're answering one off questions. It's now all in the book. And they're nervous. They ask it in front of the. And our publicist or Holly herself will literally have to pull me away. I'll stay and answer all of them.

I know you are in the same way. No, I did this party the other night and, like, it was silence. It was like. And it was like a party. I was helping this, you know, it was like 25 women, and they were like, staring at me. And I'm like, well, here's toys. Here's no other questions. And then I go to leave and they're like, come here. So I don't want to have sex with my husband. And I don't, you know, it's everything. And I'm like, oh, my God.

To write this is like you said. It's, you know, six pillars of a healthy relationship. How to go from icy to spicy. Then you're happy. Because if you have cracks. If you and Ross, for example, were having issues, I wouldn't advise going to a party. Because if you're not having sex or fun sex together, going to a party and having sex with you, that's not.

Going to be exactly.

It's going to hurt you.

Right, Exactly. I totally get it.

It's going to hurt you. Do you remember that scene? I'm sorry. I want to ask you. You remember that scene because you brought this up to Hollywood. The movie Airplane. Do you remember the movie Airplane when the husband and wife are sitting there, the flight attendant comes up and says, would you like a second cup of coffee? He said, yes. And the wife in her head said, I don't remember him ever having a second cup of coffee. You can't do that in the lifestyle because different is not better or worse. Different is different.

Right.

And that's what makes a lifestyle so fun.

Have you ever seen, though, couples, like, what are some of the pitfalls? Is there already, like, oh, there they go. This is the common thing that comes up at some parties.

Oh, yeah.

I wouldn't say the common thing that comes up at parties, but I know that personalities. Personalities and attitudes. Yes. That one woman just goes crazy, or one man is like, oh, my God, I can't see you do this. And they're. They're okay with it at first. They go there and they're having a good time, and then someone just blows up.

Right? Because in reality, like, you think about it, but you're there. You're like.

It's like a fantasy. You. Sometimes you want to keep them in your head, and sometimes you want to live them out.

We talk about safe words because if something like that happens, don't cause a scene, use a word, or don't give a look. We had that on season one of Swing, and one woman got mad. They were a newbie couple. Couple, which means they'd never been in the lifestyle. You should have known. He said, I can't. I don't know. Maybe you had constipation. I don't know.

You can't justify communication. Exactly.

It is also you get a sense and your intuition kicks in. I believe women. No, no offense to my gender. You women have a much better intuition than we do.

Well, we do.

You know, we do.

You know, when somebody is there to replace somebody. We can tell when a guy is looking to replace his wife or the woman he's with or a woman's there scouting or recruiting. Maybe because you and this, though, is better for my. My gender guys, we applaud each other when you're in a good relationship. A lot of women we see in and out of the lifestyle. Well, if that guy is happy with her and she's happy with him, I can make him happier. And we'll try to steal them away.

Jealousy and competition. You must get it because, Holly, you're beautiful, you're attractive. Men, you guys must have a lot of that, even More so we don't.

Even deal with it in a sense.

Right. You're like, I see that I'm ways away. That's not even someone I'd want to be around.

Not even something you want to be around. And you hear stories. Oh, this person falls in love over and over and over. And whether it's the man or the woman, it's just not healthy. And they're not happy. And then they go to try and replace something that's missing the lifestyle. I look at it this way. Holly is, you know how they say icing on the cake? No, Holly is the cake. And the icing and the frosting and the little flowers on top. Holly is the cake. If we were just hypothetically lucky enough to have you or your producers here in the bed with us. Yeah. Look at her. No way.

How Wes, her boyfriend, you are.

Then that layer of frosting in the middle, I don't need that frosting in the middle. I don't need a two layer cake.

You don't need it, but you're.

Go home. I'm like, yeah, more frosting. Yeah.

Cause you're like, I just thought there was this great.

Oh, there's another layer. Yes. Best sex I ever have is Holly. And then incredible sex with you is possible because Holly is giving permission. And that's to us what it is it really. And you can tell couples that aren't.

There's so many mindful. And people are thinking like I'm sure listening, going, God, there's just. This doesn't make any sense. There's no way they can't be. I mean it's just. I think people just get mind blown that it can actually. How's your monogamous lifestyle? So I just wanna think like how's that going for you? Like are you guys having interesting sex? Which we hear from every day. Couples are not, they're not communicating, they're not talking what they want. And so that's not really might be working for you either.

When the CDC did a recent study and I talk about this a lot, it was I think three years ago. And they looking at open relationships and monogamous relationships and the incidence of sexually transmitted infections. Let's not kid ourselves. STDs. It's 2015. Not that we should talk about it, but wrap it right.

Come on everyone.

No one's to blame if you don't. Whether it's pregnancy or STIs. STDs. They looked at it and they found statistically significant double digit difference. The open relationships Had a lower rate of STDs than monogamous. Now, when you. And you know this as a researcher, when you ask the couple or the individual, it's anonymous. You're doing it individually, not as a couple, open or monogamous. Then it takes you down another path. One of the last questions for the monogamous people. Have you or are you currently cheating on your partner? 47% of them? Yes. So if you're willing to do one risky behavior, you're willing to do more, which is unprotected sex.

Yeah, it's true.

And when you ask, well, aren't you guys freaks? No, we like to get freaky. We're not freaks. And what you're hearing here is possible for everybody. Everybody. As you witnessed with Ross. As long as you're willing to talk. Sure.

And it might even help couples talk. I mean, I'm not saying you gotta jump into it, right? I mean, that's the thing on the show. Because we do get so many emails a week from people and so much of it is they can tell me their whole life story. And it's like they can't talk, but they just can't talk to their partner about it. They just cannot communicate. And so what are some good communication tools, you think, for couples to explain to them? Even just start talking about sex? Because there's couples who've been together for years and they can't talk about it. So asking.

Well, Michael came up with the 12 minute rule. You should just sit down for 12 minutes and just talk about.

Yes, just 12 minutes. No bills, no kids, no nothing.

Oh, anything.

Talk about something.

Just talk. Yeah, but you don't. Thank you, honey, for reminding me that. Don't talk about bills, problems, work, kids, kids, family, nothing. Talk. Talk about a movie if you want something you heard, funny if you want, and it starts to take those walls down. I found another thing, and I suggest doing it at least three times a week. I'd love everyone to do it every day. Pockets. And I try to do that in the morning and in the evening, we just have fun. Holly and I just open up and share. The other thing is, I also believe you should ask your partner three questions once a week. Just any three questions. Because you start to bring walls down. I believe in a fantasy box, which is difficult because there's only two of you. Sure you're going to know whose fantasy it is. But the rule up front is we don't judge. The biggest thing I heard when 50 Shades came out, the reason so many men and women Felt comfortable sharing with their partner, not Holly. You know, no offense, Holly didn't like the book that much. What I loved about it was that it got people talking.

That's the only thing I like about it as well.

It gave them a route to go with our show on TV and radio. A lot of people have used it as that catalyst. Because truth is, you bring up something that's not the norm, and the partner typically freaks out.

Right?

A couple days later, they'll come back and say, let's talk about it.

It.

It's just a matter of beginning the conversation. The other way to do it is to say, I would like to share with you things I share with my best girlfriend or my best guy friend. Because there's nothing. My phone is unlocked by Holly. Right. There's nothing in her she can't see.

Right?

So there's nothing I'm sharing with anyone else that I haven't already or will share with Holly. And I believe when couples hold, you know, when you have a secret, you know there's a reason you have that secret, right?

You're just as sick as your secret.

There you go.

I love it. Yeah, that's true. So. So the fantasy box. So let's say a couple, they're like, we've never talked about our sex life. I've never had an orgasm with my partner. We've been together, and I've been faking or whatever. They've never done it. So you say they sit down and they each, like, write. Like, it's kind of like five fantasies.

Yeah, right off. Five fantasies each. You put them in the box. You shake the box up. Maybe one night a month, maybe one night a week, you pull something from the box and you agree you're gonna.

Do it that night.

Well, eventually.

Eventually, maybe even it's anticipation.

You can look for the weekend or the conversation.

He gets the conversation going. That's not my thing. But maybe if we use. Exactly right, we don't have more lube with that. That'd be fun.

There you go.

He didn't mention lube.

Yeah, yeah, there you go. More lube. We know people. For example, this. This couple, she has fantasized about what's known as a gangbang. So her having sex with multiple men. Her husband didn't know, and we encouraged them to talk, and she told him to date. They've had the best sex they've ever had. They've never done the gangbang. What she wanted to do was live it out in a fantasy with him. So while they're Having foreplay. And while they're having actual sex. Penetration. They talk about it. He understands that it's not to replace him. It's just something she always wanted to do.

Right. So he's like, hey, babe. Right now, this other guy, like.

Yeah.

Explains it. Yeah, I've had it. Yeah, it's hot. It's totally. So, yeah. He would be like, oh, right now. These guys, they want you. It's so hot. And so she's kind of, like, experiencing it. Yeah, that's. Those are all great.

He'll use toys to replace, you know, so instead of his penis at that point, now it's a toy that's somebody else. And they've gone that way. And there's, you know, like, airtight.

But their sex is better for it because they. They opened up not Pandora's box, but, like, the good Pandora's box.

Right, Exactly. No, you're absolutely right. It's just opening it up. It doesn't have to be. People are just so afraid about being judged.

That's it.

That, you know, the partner's not gonna love them anymore. But if you are in a healthy place, you know, and if you're not getting this, like, you have nothing to lose at this point.

Nothing to lose.

If you are suffering in your sex life, you have nothing to lose by not sharing what it is you want. And maybe you don't know exactly what you want either. Like some women sometimes, and men who are so. Like, I've never even actually fantasized or I've never. So start, like, you know, listening to your show or read this book. Welcome to the lifestyle that you get at your website.

No, not ours. Go to the xclub.com.

The xclub. Xclub.com. watch porn with it, whatever it is.

Another great introduction. Watch on, you know, adult content. It's free.

Exactly.

Oh, my gosh, it's free.

Do it together. You don't have to talk. You're like, what'd you find hot in that scene? Like, that's a good. You just need something else as a catalyst. But first, speaking of catalysts, little segue here. Into the magic wand.

Oh, the Hitachi. That was the star of our TV show, by the way.

Was it?

Oh, the Hitachi Magic Wand was the star of Swing.

People were using it, all of it, all the time.

They were everywhere, and everyone had to fight over them. They love those things.

Oh, my God.

Holy cow.

Do you know that it's unplugged this year? That it became rechargeable? Did you guys get one of those. I think I had them send you one.

I think you did. Yeah.

Okay. It's like, you know, we have so many toys.

You're like, no, no, no. We love all the Holly likes. We like practicing.

Right. It's fun. So this is their 30th year, and they decided to come unplugged. Take it out of the wall. You can take it anywhere you want right now. It is the. Why is it so great? Why do you think it was so crazy, happy. Popular in your show?

It can go longer than our tongues. It can.

And it can go longer and harder.

Yeah. It's a good one. Now you're a fan of clitoral stuff.

Stimulation, yes. Complete fan.

So instead of internal, you prefer external tools?

I prefer external.

Yeah, me too.

The women on set, all of the resident couples, the women and the newbies.

It'S easy to use for the other partner as well. Your partner can hold it and use it at the same time.

Exactly.

And that wand is so long, too. If you're not holding it right. I love, by the way, when a woman, whether it's Holly or any woman we're playing with, moves my head a little bit or moves my hand if I'm using my fingers.

Tell.

You don't have to verbally tell me. You can show me what you enjoy. Hitachi Magic wand. You want it in the right spot if your man is using it on you or a woman is using it on you. As a woman, you can help them guide where you want it and then there. And then you've got the controls with speed. It's. It gets you that point.

And the new one has the four different. It's not just the on and off. It's like the four different levels of penetration. Yeah, it's pretty awesome.

That is cool.

So go to magic wandrechargeable.com if you're just. Only if you're ready to go unplugged. Check it out. You will love it. Do you guys play with other toys?

Yeah, mostly. Yeah.

Clitoral.

I like clitoral.

Me, too. Me too.

Yes. We Vibe. Ovo. Not. I mean, you can cut that out if you can.

Yeah, I don't care. No, We Vibe. We love. I love We Vibe. I love OVO too, but I love the We Vibe. The. God, there's so many. The tango, the touch. Have you guys used the touch?

I don't know if we use that.

I don't know. Oh, my God.

You find out.

I don't know.

What's the remote control? One I can control.

Oh, my God. The. I'm sorry. That's a we vibe. The four plus.

Four plus.

Four plus.

Love that one.

Yeah, that one's really. Do you use it as a Traditionally, do you wear it during intercourse?

I did once, and I don't. I like it. I like using it on myself, though, right?

I like having it on her and then I can control it from somewhere.

I've done that during a show.

I've done it during a show before.

You could be on vacation on a work trip. You would probably be on vacation with her. And then. Yeah, you say, hey, babe, tonight's our day. It's great for long distance relationships. You control it. But yeah, the touch is really awesome because it's. It's kind of like goes in your palm of your hand and it's. Yeah, I love it because Lori over there had never had. She only had one orgasm. She never had multiples. And she took it home and came back the next day and had, like, five, I think. Oh, my God.

What I like about that. You love grinding.

I do.

And because of this, the nerves at the end of the pubic hair area or, you know, in that area.

Yeah.

Dry humping.

Dry humping. She likes.

So do you. Is that how you lay on top of it?

Yes.

See, I should do that more. You do that. I know.

It's foreplay, too. Not if the toy's there or if I'm downstairs doing research or something. She'll grab one of the toys to get herself going and then text me. Hey, you might want to come up here now.

Why do I understand this, but there's still so many stigmas. When Jessa Hayden was on, she was, like, saying, oh, he. My horror boyfriend doesn't get it. Really? Still, people don't get it.

Security. I think it's got more to do. Are you gonna replace me with that toy? Nope. It's looking at.

Yeah. You have grace. I'm sure you guys would be able to explain it.

I played quarterback. I played quarterback in high school. School. In college, I was a linebacker. As a quarterback, though, I can't succeed if I don't have a good line in front of me and a good running back and fullback behind me. And wide receivers and tight ends. To me, the toy is my wide receiver, my tight end, my line. It's protecting me from having to do all the work.

Outsourcing.

I feel like it's like in Canada, let's say Canada's freaking freezing. You know that it's like going to your car Warming it up first before you actually get in it. It's the button you push to get it warmed up. Women need to be warmed up. I don't. It's not wham bam sometimes. You like the wham bam because the.

Cookies are good sometimes.

Yeah, but I need to be warmed up.

Right.

I need to be touched and caressed.

I know, I love that. I love touching and caressing, but. Okay, so how do you guys handle that when you're with other couples and you're not doing. Cause to me, it's very intimate to cuddle after, to cross. Is there no.

Guess that's a really great question. That's where rules and boundaries come in. Now, we know people that have a rule of no kissing. We call that the Pretty Woman rule. Remember her character?

Totally. That's what I think in my brain, too.

We don't play with couples that have that rule because we both enjoy kissing. Now, we don't cuddle with other people because that's just, like you said, too intimate. A lot of couples don't. What's interesting, though, is when Kim and What's his name? Rob.

Yeah.

They've come on the show. They use their real name so we can share it. He loves to cuddle after sex. She hates it. So when they swap, she finds somebody that won't touch her after, and he finds somebody that'll cuddle.

But they've talked about it and they're like.

It's almost like anything that you want, you could have. If you have good communication with your partner. It's not like you need to. Because so many of us people in monogamous relationships are just hoping that the partner will change, they'll come around sexually. Let's just talk about sex. And maybe they won't, but maybe you could find someone else and you guys will both be okay with, well, this person will cuddle me.

And here, you know, for example, Holly does not enjoy anal anything. And I like giving anal sex. So when we.

She's like, great. Outsource, Outsource. Here's an ask for you. I'll be back.

Exactly. And what. What I believe, you know, because we've talked about it, is I will never leave holy for a woman that does everything and anal sex. Because they're not Holly.

Right.

It's fun, right? That's where the 100% emotionally monogamous comes in. Having anal sex with London or one of our play dates. That's fun. But this is my one and only. This is my bride. So that's where you're right. Outsourcing is fun.

Hey, everyone does it.

Yeah, exactly.

Does it.

Exactly. No. Right. Every successful business outsources.

Outsources.

A lot of outsourcing in China. You don't have to do that. You can just do it.

You just do it right here.

Exactly. So what about sexually? Would you say? Is there anything. Obviously, I'm sure it's. Well, you went. You guys have always been in lifestyle since you got together. But would you think it just. That's what always keeps it interesting. You think that's one of the benefits too, is that it's just the people keep it interesting.

I could physically. When I say I could leave the lifestyle tomorrow physically, what I mean, I could stop having sex with other people. Pockets could stop having sex with other women and other men. I would not be able to leave the mental emotional side, the friends we make. You saw those people there. That was great. They're so outgoing. They're so nice. And no one's trying to inappropriately grab you. And if they are, you're at the wrong party. So I don't believe it's.

That's a thing. It's not inappropriate. People think it is, but not at all.

You will. Here's what's great. Ross and I went to the bar to get a drink for you and Holly that night. Nobody bothered you.

Nobody. In fact, it was the only place on earth that you've ever been when alone with, like, Holly was wearing, like, mesh. I was so not.

You looked gorgeous too. You had that real skippy tank top on. That was really. That was hot. I remember that. Do you know what I'm saying, though? You. If we would have gone to this place or that place here in Hollywood and Ross and I went to get you guys drinks, two seconds later, they might have like. Yeah. Drugged you up and taken you out.

It was so polite and so great. I loved it. So we're gonna do that again. It's on our list. How do you guys feel about helping me answer some emails for some. Some people. Some listeners here who I think you could. They could really benefit from your knowledge. Okay. Thank you for emailing me. Feedbackexwithemily.com I love hearing from you. And I also love when you include your name. You can fake the name, but tell me where you are listening from and how old you are and also how you listen. Okay. Emily, my fiance and I have been together for a little over five years now. We have a child together and she's another. They are 4 and 8. I'm 25. And let's face it, I'm your typical guy. I love sex and everything in between, I guess. I have a two part question. How much sex is realistic for a couple per week? In my opinion, our sex life is dull. It's always the same unless we've had a few drinks. She doesn't like new things, doesn't like to go down on me even though she knows I like it and I go down on her constantly and she makes sex really awkward. Any advice? The relationship is already struggling, but I don't know how much more of it this I can handle. Thanks so much. I love your podcast and everything you write and put out. Tim.

So Tim, they've got two kids, they've been together and he wants. First of all, everyone asks what's normal for sex per week. I mean, there is no normal.

You don't want to be statistical. I mean, you don't want to be the statistical normal average in the United States, which is what I think. 1.2 times. What's 0.2? Is that where you owe somebody something?

I don't understand that. Right. You're like, I almost gave you a blow job. It's not a ring, it was a tip.

Just the tip.

Right?

Right. Just the hood. I, I agree with you that I.

Think you have to communicate on what's normal for both of you.

Right.

You can come to that together. You can come to that realization of like if, but, but if he wants to five times a week and she wants one, well then it's compromised.

I believe though. And it's another thing I respect about you. There are some people in our business that. Okay, here's the thing. In my opinion, Tim, somebody can teach you because you do this. Like we do this and you do both sides. I only do one side. You can learn how to have a better orgasm. You can learn how to finger someone better with cunning lingus or give a better blowjob, so to speak. If you're not happy at home, it ain't happening. So what I love what you do and what we do is I look at the sexy psychological side of it, there's something else going there.

Yeah, 100%.

There is something else going on there that's manifesting in no sex. Because when she's not happy, when Holly's not happy with me, I won't touch.

Him with a ten foot pole.

Exactly. It's true. We shut down men and women.

And so do men. I mean, as much as I love when she goes down to me, I would not come up if it Weren't. If I could breathe out of my ears, I'd never come up between your legs. I love it that much. And if you're not enjoying it, just tell me. My point is, I believe that you must talk about what's going on emotionally. Like you said earlier. Like you say, when I hear you talk and I listen to your show, and like we say, because that's, to me, the root there. Now, she could be asexual.

Right? Right.

Doubt it.

But there's other things, like, going on, and he's. I feel like he's the guy who's going, you know, I go down on you. Why aren't I getting blowjobs? Like, that's the last way you're gonna get.

No.

And that's what we call taking one. You go back to the lifestyle. Never take one for the team. I would never ask Holly, hey, let's go hook up with this woman or that couple, because I want to be with her. Why don't I like them? Do it for me. That's taking. That builds resent. And that's what he made Tim may be doing, is she's getting resentful.

The way he might be even approaching it, too. And they have kids. He might not be taking care of her needs. He might be able to help her with what she needs. She might not feel nurtured just because he needs blowjobs. She might need him to empty out the dishwasher, you know, or whatever. Help give her emotional support.

I said that he.

Did he empty out the dishwasher?

He said, how do.

How.

Especially at this time when you're just giving presents to each other, how do you make sure you know your partner knows that you love them? I'm like, it's. Without just material gifts, putting your. Getting your clothes off, the underwear off the floor, putting away the dishes, things like that. That tells me you love me. Because I'm stressed about this and you're stressed about this. So find ways to help each other, not just in bed.

Exactly.

I do think. I mean, let's not kid ourselves. Sex is important. If Ross wasn't providing sexually, all the other stuff might be okay. But if you're not getting what you need sexually, you need to have that talk.

Right? Game over. It's over. That's true. So, yeah, I think Tim just, like, you know, reduce her stress, take things off her plate, start to talk to her. Communication is a lubrication. Tim, I don't know that you've talked to her in a way that may be the most Productive. If you're like, I'm not getting BJ's. That's not gonna tell her she's beautiful during the day.

That those pants look great on you.

Cause it can be body image issues. She may have body issues.

After two kids, guys don't understand that either. This is what I was saying. I said to Ro. I was like, just. Cause I know you think I might just sometimes it'd be nice to. I've never been with it. Cause I always required it. And it's not like I'm so insecure and I. It's just. You want to hear that as a woman. Like, you just want to hear like, you know, I'm into. I'm into you. Never does. But it just. Yeah, exactly. All we go through. Go through a lot to learn. I did not wake up like this. No, I don't know yet.

You gotta come spend the night. We'll find out.

Exactly. There's a lot going on. Can we just get this over with? Alrighty. The show. Yeah. Okay. So, sex. We got another email. We typed this. Sex with a selfish lover. Hi, Emily. First of all, I just want to say your advice is amazing and helpful. And I wish there were more people out there like you who seek to educate people about sex in a positive, healthy and pleasurable way. Holly and Michael here, they do that too. You are awesome. Anyway, I'm 22, from Massachusetts and I've been. Or. Maine. Maine. And I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over two years now. He's my first boyfriend and we started dating freshman year in college. However, he has a few things about him that bug me and make it really hard to be in a relationship with. He's somewhat selfish, insensitive, and has been that way all his life. He tries hard to understanding and I can see that. So I try not to push him. But when it comes to sexual, it's a little scary for me to try to get him to focus on more. He's only the second guy I've had sex with and I've yet to come during sex. I know it's sad. I just want our sex to be better because I love him and I don't want to break up with him because of the sex. Just wait. This gets more interesting. I'm tempted to cheat all the time and I don't even really feel bad about it. I've been pretty sexual from middle school on and I have to basically rely on masturbating. But my boyfriend isn't even that sexual. A person. Him. I could have sex twice a day. He's not like that. I know that he watches porn sometimes, but he's told me before that he can go a year without sex. I know. This is so loaded that it's almost like, whoa, I don't have two hours left.

Help.

I love him, but I'm scared to introduce him to my freakiness. Thanks, Daisy. I know I kind of broke it down. I want to replay some of this too, because there was a lot going on, so. Daisy's got a lot going on. This is what she told us in this brief email. You've been together two years. He's selfish and his whole life, apparently, you've never had an orgasm with him. You haven't shown him your freaky side, and you're free to talk to him about your sexual needs. Oh, and you're considering cheating.

Daisy should get out of that relationship number one. I mean, that's not a healthy relationship on many.

She might need to get therapy, figure some stuff out. And don't cheat. No, you never want to cheat on him. I understand. He's your first boyfriend too. You know, when you're young, it's your first first boyfriend. You're attached.

You don't want regret later. Oh, I shouldn't have been with him. I wasted two years. You know what? I looked at this way with my first wife. If I stay any longer, I'll waste more time. Not a waste. I didn't waste time. I learned.

But you learned, right?

And if she's masturbating all the time, I would think that she could teach him what to do.

Mutual masturbation.

Mutual masturbation. Use his hand. You guide his hand. Allow him to show you. Show him how you want to be pleasured right now. If he's that selfish, though, you guys.

I feel like she's not telling him everything.

She's not communicating.

She hasn't communicated at all. So we create all these things in our mind and we've never. I've done that sometimes, but thank God I have such good girlfriends. I'll be like this and this. Like, have you ever told them? Even I'm not friggin perfect. I'm like, oh, no, I guess, you know, and then you just talk about it and it's, you know, so easy.

To share with someone else what to do than for us to do.

So easy. And that's why we have our friends, because they're like, wait, Emily, back up. So, yeah, I think that you just, you know, you could try talking to Them being honest. But also, it's been two years, and she hasn't let her freak flag fly at all.

I wonder. We always say ttlc. Try trust, Talk, listen, communicate. Is she listening to him, too? There could be something she's missing. As selfish as he is. What is he telling you? Because if he really is that bad. Come on, you guys, get out of that relationship.

Yeah, right.

Let your freak flag fly. Be single for a while. Be a unicorn in the lifestyle.

Yeah.

Listen to more sex with Emily. Listen to Swing with Holly, Michael and you. I mean, seriously, get out there and have fun.

Well, we had a couple friends that's in the lifestyle. And they were married for very young, I think. First boyfriend, girlfriend, and got married and had a baby and everything. And they didn't know each other, were freaks. They would go masturbate to porn by themselves. And one day it just got to the point and they said, I'm doing this. And he says, I'm doing this. And they're like, what do we do together? Why don't we do it together? And ever since then, it's been amazing.

That's the thing. It's just. It's just that talking. And it's like. I always want to say. I always say this, like ripping a band aid off. You just got to do it. I could tell you how to. But just do it. Feel comfortable and just say it. And if you're with someone who loves you and respects you and you can find your language, it's better than not talking about it.

And get out now. If it's not right.

Right.

I mean, you know, you're wasting both your time. I had a daughter. You had a son with your first marriage. They were. My ex is a wonderful person. Just not right for me. And you've got to know you're not a failure.

Right?

Daisy's not a failure if she leaves that relationship. She's a failure if she cheats.

Right?

I. To me, cheating is based on lies and deceit. Being in an open relationship or communicating is built on trust and honesty.

Right? Exactly. And 47% people are cheating, which makes me crazy. So. Okay, one more. Can we. How about threesome tips? Would you have some good. Did you say you guys don't have a lot of threesomes, though?

We have a ton. That's what.

We have one tomorrow night.

Okay. You've already booked.

We do. We book, actually, a week out.

Oh, no, it was our other guest. I got threesomes. I'm like, what? I don't know. I just sort of Mashed Together two shows. So this is great. My name is ali. I'm a 23 year old married attorney from Ann Arbor, Michigan. I listened to your show during my long commute from Ann Arbor to Lansing every day and I love it. That's why I went to college. I just want to say I totally get that commute, sister. My husband and I are young, so we're pretty open about trying new things. One of the things he's never done is have a threesome. And he really wants to. Of course, what guy doesn't? We've been talking about it for a year and never acted on it. And I'm all for it as long as it's someone we are great friends with because I feel like it could ruin a friendship and put tension between us. Also, we have a one year old and don't want to bring anyone back home with us. That could be awkward. Coming home and sending the nanny home while we have an extra person with us. Weird. And having a stranger in our house to have sex with our son is sleeping in his crib. That's not what I want. So how do we find someone to hook up with? And second, where would we hook up? Is it okay to bring someone home with us? I know you're from Michigan, so maybe you know some places. Places to find a third. Thanks.

Yeah, I mean, these people who are in Michigan, you know, Michigan, I wasn't having threesomes then, but Midwest, good people.

I spent 16 years in Chicago.

They are good people.

A couple things to think about, you know, if it's somebody you kind of know or you've vetted, then bringing them home. Send the nanny home, they can meet you after. Not such a bad thing. One year old's not gonna wake up in the middle. We keep our, you know, people ask us, what do your kids know? They don't.

Ask you again.

They don't know.

They don't know anything.

Because anybody that's not in the lifestyle that says, well, one of your kids did it. And I say, when was the last time you had sex? Well, none of your. Just answer me, when was the last time? Three nights ago. And then I say, did you tell your kids? No, you don't need to tell them when and who you're having sex with. Go back to the threesome.

Right.

First we. We pick up a lot. When I say pick up, we meet a lot of women on Bumble, which is a new app and Tinder.

Okay.

Tons of women we have threesomes with from there. Also adult friend Finder. Cassidy Lifestyle Lounge. Sdc. I'm naming alphabetical company, but Thrinder. Thrinder. We find people, but no one has come through yet.

Oh, what's your name? Flaky. I'm Flinder.

I don't know if they're flaky or they're. They're pretend accounts to try and get Thrinder going.

Right.

The ones I just told you about were people we actually met.

Okay, good.

We love Thrinder. We are on Thrinder. And you can. You can find us there if the matches, you know, match up. Threesomes, Again, it's about the sex. Go to a lifestyle party because you can have a threesome at those.

How do they find them in Michigan? I'm just wondering, like, on the. Like, Adult Friend Finder would list it or.

Adult Friend Finder doesn't tend to listen. They don't list Cassidy Lifestyle Lounge.

Cassidy with a K. Yes.

They have an events page. It's free. Don't sign up in your area unless you know you're gonna do this more often. Go to the events page, though. That's free. Find something going on in your area.

Yeah.

If you don't want to see somebody in your area, it's Detroit. How far is Detroit? Or.

Yeah, Union Pier, whatever it is. Right.

Drive there, go to a party there, contact you, contact us, and we can let you know about the.

Yeah. I think the big thing is, is you have to let the woman pick, because you don't. If you're gonna be with a woman, you. You should let the woman pick the partner.

Right.

Because she's gonna feel secure about it.

Hold on. As long as the guy's in agreement, too. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Right. Of course.

You mean let the woman pick.

So do you guys sit there on your phone? I want. I actually would love to look at what you guys. So you're like, oh, her, her. And then do you guys. How often do you guys agree and disagree? Is it like a.50?

50? We have the same taste in women.

I like. Good.

Yeah. What is your taste? What is it?

Good looking, Fun. Yeah.

I like a good smile. I love eyebrows. I don't know why I love eyebrows.

When I say good looking, Holly gets a sense for them. It's not necessarily bra, brunette, big, small. Nothing like that. It's just in their picture. Are they smiling? Are they photoshopped? Are they those glamour shots? I don't want glamour shots. I'm not going to make breakfast for you in the morning. And with a threesome, that too. Figure out what the two of you want. Do you want someone who's gonna spend the night or are they leaving after?

Right.

Where do you want to have this done? You can rent a hotel room. There's nothing wrong with that. Get a hotel room. A lot of these places, though, be up front, let them know what you're looking for. And the other thing I warned, though, and I'm not saying she's doing it, this isn't a trap. If you're going to have a threesome with him and another woman, make sure you're doing it because you want to, also, not because you later expect him to have one with you and another man. Right. That's not fair.

See, isn't that common? There's a lot of women who are like, what's this, a double standard? Why can't I have it with the man?

I mean, right? And that's where I believe a lot of problems arise. Where? Well, I let you do it. Now you have to let me. Well, no, hold on. You should have been clear up front.

Yeah. Not a quid pro quo with that. Okay, that's interesting. So you guys find the person together and you have to agree and all that. And so that's interesting. So what on the profiles do you meet the. Oh, this is what ask you the process. So you find someone on Bumble, for example, and you're like, do you meet up first for a drink?

Yes, yes, yes.

Because what if you don't have chemistry? You meet them in your.

Yeah.

Can you tell, like.

Yeah, I can. I can.

A lot of times, the one we met, we call her London just to protect our identity. Unfortunately, a lot of people that are in the lifestyle or enjoy casual sex and not labeling themselves, you know, they're professionals. No matter what they do that they get out of, they can lose their job. They can be, you know, their families and all that. So we call her London. We have a great time with her. We met her near our house for drinks.

Perfect. Everything geographically desirable.

Yeah. GD my grandma used to say. Or gud geographically undesirable. So they have to drive to us. Holly and I are driving that far, so. Because remember, if they flake or say, no, I don't care, I have Holly. If we get there and meet them and it's not good, I don't care. I have Holly.

Right, exactly.

So we meet them, and if chemistry's there, great. Tomorrow night we're meeting somebody new and we're meeting her out. If there's chemistry, great. We'll go back to the house, if not.

Not.

Nope.

Right.

And we share custody of our kids. So if anyone's asking or thinking we have 50, 50 custody. And they're always with us at the same time.

Got it.

So when they're not home, we can do things around.

Exactly. And they don't. But what about you do your swing. They could Google you do swing, show.

They can't go home. They. They have seen pockets as pictorials for Playboy because she's posed three times for Playboy. Our daughter, just now that she's 11, has asked that Holly not do any more nude modeling until she's out of high school. Our son. It was an uncomfortable conversation when I had it with them.

We do more.

Yeah.

It was her ex husband that said, michael, I think you should talk to our son about, you know, the pictorials. And this was earlier this year. And I said, all right, you don't want to be there. He said, no, just can you do it? Because you'll have the answers.

You will.

Yeah. So I did. And all he said was, thanks for bringing me to Starbucks. Thanks for getting me my favorite things. Really uncomfortable conversation. I'm happy for my mom that she's proud of herself and that's it. He didn't care. That's.

That's really cool.

There's knowledge and power, though. So no kids can blackmail him or bully him.

Right.

Because they've seen his mom naked. Tastefully naked.

Right. I've seen the taste. I was on Playboy radio. What show was that? I was on Sunny.

You were with.

Yes, but I actually meant to post. I took a picture of you guys. You're in the hallway at Playboy. There was the hottest picture of you guys. And I took a picture and I was.

We're doing new photos tomorrow.

Are we? Yes, we are. That's awesome.

You're actually. The commercial for your episode plays during our show.

Really?

Yeah. We heard you today. And I come back on there. I said, that was Emily today.

I love it. Well, I'm gonna come back on your show as well. I would love it and thank you both for being on the show. This was amazing, as always, per usual. And so, okay, so this will all be on our website as well. But they can find. The main site we want to give.

Out is Holly and Michael.com. however, playboyradio.com is where you can find everything about the show. Hollyandmichael.com will direct you there too.

Okay. And then the book, we can just list the website that they can get it.

X Club.

The X Club. And we'll have this on our site too. Because you guys really. It's free. Put your email addresses and all the email address and all the questions you have about the lifestyle. I know. And you're also. Did you graduate or you're getting your.

I'm a PhD candidate. Yeah, psychology.

Congratulations on that. That's. I didn't know that. You like blew my mind. And I'm like, how do you do that as well?

I know. Well, you know what, it's like, come on, you did it. So you know, you know the struggle. No, it's not though. You know, I'm even more in love with you and proud of you going through the struggle again myself.

Haven't met you all. You guys are both doing so great and you guys really are like an amazing couple. I was just like, I was like. Because we were talking with the show, I'm like, you don't understand. Like, there's no. Like, I know them, I love them, they're amazing. So thank you for being here. It was great. And thank you, Madison Producer Madison. Thank you, Lori and thanks everyone for listening. Also follow us on Facebook and Twitter, which is ex with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram is all sex with Emily. Facebook.com sexwithemily we're also looking for social media interns. We're always looking for interns. Email us feedbackexwithemily.com oh, you wanna be here?

You wanna intern here?

It's a good friggin time.

Have you seen you?

Okay, I know, but it's a good time. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com okay, so I talk about products all the time that are gonna improve your sex life. And I gotta tell you about one that that truly changed my life beyond the Sibian in a different way. Because this is a product that is one part health advice, like genius health invention and one part sex toy. It looks like a rabbit vibrator, but it actually does your Kegel exercises for you. Do you know about this, you guys? The attention Kegel Camp. Kegel Camp app. Yeah, I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp that reminds you to do them. But this one you just put inside you, you lay back 10 minutes a day.

It's purple, right?

Yeah, it's pink. Purple.

Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah, maybe it was purple when it came out.

I know exactly what you're saying talking.

About and it is amazing because I don't even remember doing with my app and a lot of women do them incorrectly. So this, you, it's. There's Nothing else like it. You lie back, it's electro stimulation and you put a little gel on it and you put it inside you and you pump it up so it like fits you your and you just lie back ten minutes a day. And you know if you have every issues with urinary incontinence where you sneeze and you pee, you're not having frequent orgasms or you just want a stronger pelvic floor. Who doesn't More orgasms. You're tighter the whole thing. So check it out. The intensity. It's the revolutionary intimate health and stimulation device. Takes all the confusion out of Kegels. Looks like a rabbit, but oh, and then you have an orgasm. Yeah, it's like a twofer. So check it out at pourmoi.com that's P-U-R-M-O I.com or go to our website, click on the banner and also we've done some reviews on it. Sex toy review, Intense and Unplugged was a great show we did. So check that out. And then also Hustler Hollywood. You can go shopping there. It's a great date night. That's another way to spice it up. Check it out. They should be your main destination for best toys, erotica, sexy linger. They've got eye catching displays and like all the products on the market that you would want. So go to Hustler and check out the store. When you're in the store you can tell them that Sex with Emily sent you at checkout and you get 20% off all your purchases. And you can also go online now. They got a great new site, hustlerhollywood.com, enter code EMILY20 and you get 20% off your full order. So thanks everyone for listening.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep. Sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting getting enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health. Magnesium. And here's the thing. No single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body, nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement, it's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive of magnesium support. And personally I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualia life.com sex with Emily for 50 off and here's a bonus, use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15 off your order. That's Q-U a L I a life.com sexwithemily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.