Talking Dirty With Jake and Amir

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If you follow me on Instagram, which, let's face it, you probably should, it's xwithemily. You've probably seen lately that I've been rocking a very unique piece of jewelry in a lot of my pictures and you've heard me talk about it on the show, but I cannot take this thing off. And it's not because it's a vibrator. I am obsessed with my newest sex toy. It is the Vesper by Krave. It's a gorgeous necklace. First of all, I wear it. I forget it's a vibrator. Sometimes I just wear it to layer pieces. But it's a twist. It's wearable technology. And so it's got like style and pleasure and it is powerful. Let's just talk. You don't just want a vibrator that looks good. That's not powerful. It's powerful. It's discreet. You can wear it to a classy dinner. You can wear it over your boyfriend's girlfriend's house and just say, hey, look what I got. They wouldn't even know you had a vibrator on your neck. And they're beautiful. Everywhere I go, people are like, that's a really beautiful necklace. I'm like, oh, by the way, it's a vibrator. I've never seen anything like this. I'm telling you, if you're thinking about Valentine's Day.

This will be a hit with every single person, woman and men. I know men who wear this too, on the planet. It's the biggest buzz, no pun intended, in the sex toy community. It's easily rechargeable by USB port. It's so well made, I charge it on my laptop. So it's elegant, it's pleasurable. It's your done and done gift for Valentine's Day or for anyone that you love that you want to see. Have a really good time. So go to lovecrave.com and use code Emily for free shipping. Check it out. And check out the pictures. I mean, you just. I don't even know how to tell you. I'm obsessed. I love it. And you will, too. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of.

A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh, my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

Rerolling.

Yes.

Sound speed.

Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We have the funny BFFs, Jake and Amir. And they have a web series on college humor and a podcast, if I Were youe. And they're just all around funny. Guys, Jake and Amir. Dot com. Check it out. We're going to be giving you advice on a variety of topics tonight. Sex, dating, relationships. And you're going to get a little more of the male perspective. So thanks for listening. I'm sorry about being okay. I was really on time. Yeah, we need to talk in 10 years. No, but I've been thinking about the 10 year thing. Like, it's. I started my podcast 10 years ago, and then we were on CBS radio in 2006. Is that the year you started? So that's. I mean, 10, 10 years of the show. And then, you know, and I think that just, you know, we got. Remember we used to say like show 69, we're gonna have a drinking show?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We never did. And they were like 169 and now we have like 2,000 shows. And I just think we should do something fun.

Like have you ever had the drinking show?

Like an hour shows? No, we should be. Wait. Well, one time.

Yeah, we were really drunk that one.

Time we were doing a live show on Sirius.

Yeah.

And Playboy was it or no?

Yes.

And we got really drunk, really drunk.

And we thought we were so funny.

Will you have us back for a drinking show?

Yeah.

Do you guys want to come?

Yes, definitely.

I think Yahoo isn't a little better when they're a little buzzed. Right?

We've done a couple drinking shows.

Are you like wasted funny?

No, we're like happy drunk.

Are you funnier, you think when you're drunk or not?

We're definitely more confident.

But that's the thing. No filter. Like I already have no filter, but then I have no filter. Less of a filter. So then it's really good. But I'm sorry, here's the thing, all right. I tried to get here, you know, I try to be on time and the friggin bathrooms, okay, so we're the podcast. One building where we were recording and they took. There's a beautiful bathroom right next door that they just took down. You walk in there, it looks like you're gonna fall into a construction hole because there's like no floor. And everyone was trying to send me. So I ran. You said that way. I ran in my five inch heels, I fell down, there's a FedEx guy. And like, where's the bathroom? And then at the same time I had a wardrobe malfunction. And like my, my bra popped open and then my bag. That's what happened before the show.

Oh no.

So I'm sorry that we're starting a.

Little bit late, but what a good day for the FedEx guy.

Yeah, but the whole bathroom thing. And then I just, I just felt bad. I lost the moment already because you guys are, you know, you guys are here. And I just felt bad because I didn't, you know, I'm happy to be here. I'm so glad you're here. And I don't like being, you know, late. Cause I've like, I have to pee and there's no bathroom.

Well, I also was late because I got here.

You were late?

Yeah, I went downstairs to pee.

Did you have the same issue, though. Finding the bathroom.

My penis fell out when I was talking to the FedEx guy.

Exactly. Oh, my God. That's why he looks so scared.

That was it.

Oh, my God. Okay, so Jake and Amir Madison, rather. We don't have anything to say.

Yeah, just hurry up with what you have to say and then I want to talk to them.

Okay?

Shut up.

Don't be so fucking.

You guys have known each other.

Here's the thing. This is why people so menace. And I do the show sometimes. Like most every other I do TV shows. He's on Somnot. He was on. He lived. Still lived in San Francisco.

Yeah.

And people would like it because he's kind of like. Likes to give me shit about stuff that's really old issues. Has nothing to do with how I am anyway. And then when there's guests here that he's, like, into, then he acts like even then he's even more of a doucheb.

Hell no. She's totally the douchebag when there's guests all the time.

She like, likes you guys. He's like, trying to be cool.

That's her.

You're deflecting.

That is totally you.

We are siblings. Except for.

Yeah, all right, I'm gonna let you do your thing. Go fix something.

Yeah, go do your thing. I have nothing. I was just gonna say that I'm doing. Oh, okay. So this is what you guys have to do. I have a survey. Do you guys ever do a survey in your podcast and ask people on your life or like your shows, jake and mirror.com?

Oh, sometimes we'll. We'll do something like that and ask people to, like, weigh in on.

So like, I've been doing this for a while. I did a survey maybe five years ago and I was like, you know, you know, 10 years. I'm thinking, like, what? What do you like? What don't. I mean, it's just wet. People listen to it. Y' all like it. But I want to know. We just posted a survey today. It'll take you like two minutes. And I know you're like, on Facebook for like 10 times that amount, and it'll really help us improve the show. So we're just asking you questions, like, you know, what you like, what you don't like. I can totally take it if you don't like menace. I understand. And also, we're giving away, like, friggin cool prizes, like sex toys, like gold necklaces, like Vesper.

I really. I genuinely do want one of those.

Do you really know I'M serious. Like, it's the mo. It's the best.

Is that supposed to be your mom?

Enough.

Oh, God.

Just kidding.

Is that supposed to be long enough for you to use while you wear it?

If you're super acrobatic, you can lean down and. No, you too.

Wow.

Do you want to play with it?

Yeah.

Okay, so. So there's that. And so fill out our survey. It's. We're gonna be tweeting it out. Sex with Emily. It's all sexy across the board. And Menace will retweet it because he's nice like that. And it'll also live on our website. And I'm hosting. What? Oh, my. I'm co hosting the Podcast Awards. I'm giving them my vibrator while I'm talking, so that's hard. I've never actually done that before on the show. Played with a vibrator, and now I actually have.

Oh, that is nice.

So I'm co hosting, you guys, the Podcast Awards. I just found out in Vegas with Dennis Miller.

Oh, nice.

Yeah. So maybe we'll give you an award and all that.

It has different vibrating settings.

No, this is a pulse. No, it pulses like.

Oh, wow. Very fast.

I wish I brought the charger to show you. Cause I'm, like, kind of a tech geek that I'm like, I can't believe you just unscrew the top and you put it in.

Imagine it's gonna be.

It's just so freaking cool.

It's gonna be wireless soon. Bluetooth.

Well, do you know about these vibrators now?

Bluetooth?

Yeah. Oh, okay. So there's all these. So that's all I wanted to say. Cause people fill out my survey, if you love me and you care about the show, or if you hate the show, what the hell? We wanna hear from you and that. The Podcasting Awards. Oh, and then there's a thing where you can vote for us for the Podcasting Awards. And these guys have a podcast. You could vote for Jake and Amir as well.

Vote for us.

Are we up? Are we nominated?

I think that it's a people have to nominate you thing. So they just sent me a link saying, hey, do this. So wherever you see it, like, vote for all of us, because we're doing podcasts and it's really fun, but we're not, like, rich.

Well, you guys just asked about Bluetooth. So last week she was talking about how there's actually remote vibrators now. So let's say you have a girlfriend in Tennessee and you're Here in la, you can actually control the vibrator on your phone.

Yeah, there's an app for it.

So I could get my girlfriend off.

Yes, if you're on the phone.

I'll show you guys after. There's one by. It's by. There's one by. Well, just coming out now. The dua by Jaejoo, who I love. And then there's also oh, my bod, which is whatever. So.

Oh, my bod.

Oh, my bod. Cannot believe these vibrators. And We Vibe 2 makes it the We Vibe 4 Plus. So there's an app. You download from your whatever and you connect with your partner. She has the app. He. I don't know. You guys are straight, but I am.

I can't speak for him yet.

Then you could be in a long distance relationship. You could be in a long distance relationship. You could be in the next room. You could be in the office. And then she wears. She has the vibrator on. And you, like, text her, hey, let's start some vibing. And then on your phone it's like up, down, left. You can control the vibrator.

Can my phone be connected to multiple vibrators? Cause what if I've got a girlfriend in Tennessee? A girlfriend in Washington state, One in Chile?

Like, right.

They'll be like, why are you vibing me now? We didn't have a vibe date till 8pm Yeah, I got it. No, you actually can. But it. You can only have to link up with one person. I think you have to download the app again or something. Or you add. I don't know if you can add different accounts, but several people have asked me this. So is everyone just fucking everyone?

I just believe in polyamory.

So.

Do you really?

Not really, no.

You don't believe in it or you would never be able to.

I don't. Oh.

I've tried to practice. It was a failed experiment. Yeah.

Would you like to sleep with you or you?

It's not for everybody.

It's not for everybody, but some people, you know, it does work for San Francisco. It's like the largest swinging polyamorous.

It's groovy, it's fresh. It's now.

Oh, God, you're a grandfather.

Yeah.

Also, I think they're working on, like, doing stuff with the Oculus.

Oh, the virtual reality.

Yeah. And having, like, it hooked up in different areas with you and your girlfriend and so.

Oh, really?

Yeah. No, it's cool.

Tell them about the. The attachment with the. The Fleshlight.

Okay. So do you guys know what A Fleshlight is.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you want one?

Actually, I just got rid of a Fleshlight a couple years ago. I tried it out.

You didn't like it?

I liked it. It was just too. It was. It was so big.

Right. Okay. So here's their new one, Fleshlight Go. It's in a can.

It's on a necklace.

It's actually. I'm wearing one right now. That's why my ass looks so good. Actually goes out my back. Emily, I don't think my.

No, it's perfect.

Okay. So flashlight. It's supposed to be like play on, like, flashlight. Do you know what? The flashlight. Male masturbation sleeve.

Yeah.

Because guys only have their hands, right? So they're like, oh, we'll make a sex toy. So men. Can. You put in the can. You put a little lube in and you masturbate. And it simulates the sensations of real sex. But the other one, a lot of them are big. This is the Fleshlight Go, which is coming out soon. And the Fleshlight flight is also lighter weight.

I'm gonna give you one of the lighter weights. You don't actually need the back pocket. I've got the flashlight part of the. All you need is this little sleeve.

Yeah.

Then you just wash out after you masturbate into it.

And the flashlight thing was to make. Was to sort of disguise it.

Exactly.

But it didn't dis. It still looked like some.

That is. That is so a male masturbation.

It didn't look like a flashlight quite enough.

But the new one does.

That's cool.

Anyway, so the Fleshlight. Why are we. Oh. Oh. So the male. Oh. So Fleshlight just came out with a new toy that I know. Do you want this one, too? It is. It looks like a hollow penis. Partners, we're speaking of wireless. So pretend that I was dating all of you, not one of you. We were connected. And there's an app and I could start. Touch. I would have the hollow penis and use my finger around it. And I could, like, be stroking your penis and you'd be having some kind of technology and you. Where it vibrates you. Right. Madison, does that work?

So you're. You're stroking the fake penis, but it's like stroking you.

Gotcha.

In the exact same way.

Yeah.

Holy shit. That's cool.

Right?

Do you. I know. Did you just come to my office? Because it's like a sex toy factor.

Yeah, definitely.

A little shopping bag.

I told them about the iPad attachment, though. Like, it sits on top of the flashlight the flashlight.

So then there's another one. You guys, we're just gonna take my textbook. It is a. If you're watching the iPad, oftentimes men look at their phone, say, or an iPad when they're masturbating, I've heard. And so it has an attachment underneath it, and you can stick the flashlight in it, and then you're holding your eye, and then you can be like.

Holy shit, you're fucking your iPad.

Fucking iPad.

Wow.

Whatever you're watching, I bet you're fucking.

Yeah, they have different videos and stuff like that. There was this one where, like, somebody's, like, fucking Yoda. It's crazy.

Oh, my goodness.

What's it called again? Madison. The launch pad. The launchpad.

Yeah.

Kids are going to grow up with the strangest dude.

They already are. Porn is completely.

It's crazy.

So look into that.

They don't have.

I had to steal magazines from my father's office. That was how I Was that a simpler time.

Stealing.

I had to. I had to fuck my iPad without any attachment. You saw me the other day.

You put your dick in the head.

The headphone jack.

How did you spin into the Genius bar, man?

Well, I said I gotten myself into a sticky situation, and he sort of understood what I was talking about.

Oh, my God, that's hilarious. So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff going on in sex toys.

Yeah.

So we saw those. I was last. This is a big sex month for. So there was sex toy conferences.

January.

Yeah, exactly. Big month. Who knew? Menace, you dying to talk? What were you gonna say?

No, I was just. Well, I was gonna move on into your sex life. What's going on?

Oh, God.

Who you banging?

Who are you hooking up with?

Whoa. Jesus. Menace. Going on.

On Tinder.

Menace is at a girl. I went on Tinder once.

Shut the fuck up.

You went on the app once or you went on a date date?

Oh, I went on the app a bunch just to show my friends who've never been on it what it is. I went on one date. It was actually a blind. It was a live blind Tinder date on my show.

Oh. Oh, shit.

In the studio. So, yeah, I do my show before Loveline, usually in the studio. And they. They all met him beforehand. We had wine, like we used to do at the station.

How was it?

It was like a real date? Well, the podcast. Live date was good. Like, I liked him there. But you know how you're sort of in a weird. Like, I won't remember. Do you remember everything that you say when you're on your show.

No.

It's like this weird open zone.

Right.

You feel very comfortable and free.

Exactly. And people are like, oh, you said this or that. I'm like, did I say that? Like, I don't even remember. So, anyway, it was a nice date. I felt. I felt present and connected to him, and I liked him. And. And then we went on a second date, and I didn't want to kiss him when we got in the car. And I think it's a pretty clear sign. He's like, you're clearly not into me. I'm like, no, you're awesome. You're sweet.

Well, it's nice that he said that. It's nice that he said you're not into me.

Yeah. He's like, oh, if you don't want to kiss me. Yeah. He didn't really say that, but he kind of was like, okay, I got it. Like, I'm out. And I never heard from him again. But I like Tinder just to show people. But I'm showing I'm not on it right now.

How come?

But because I actually don't have a lot of time. I would start finding matches on there, and then I forget to get back to them. And they were cute guys, too, sometimes mostly losers.

But you're hooking up with your career.

I know, but it's been a really long relationship. Like, we're already. I'm almost already. Like, I think it's time to break up. No, I love my single. Are you. We talked about this.

Yeah.

So do you. How do you, like, actively single? Like, are you out there trying to find someone?

I'm out there trying to find some. Two, not necessarily someone. Excuse me, I'm looking for a threesome. No, no, no. I'm not looking for relationship.

You're not looking for relationship. You're looking for casual sex. Friends with benefits.

Yeah, that kind of stuff.

Okay.

I found that I'm really into, like, the first three dates.

Well, that's the best part. That's the best part of the entire relationship. You can never get that back.

So that's why I just only have three dates from now on.

Yeah, it's like cocaine or drug. Any. If you've ever done any kind of drug.

I haven't. I've only. I've only done the three dates thing.

I'll understand the metaphor. I love drugs.

You get it? You love drugs. Okay, so. So those first three dates, or sometimes they call it the first, like, three months of any relationship. Three to six months. The honeymoon phase. When you're like, oh my God, they're amazing.

Yeah.

If you look at the, your, the brain chemicals that are spike, dopamine and.

Oxytocin, it's the same as drugs, same.

As being in drugs. But the addiction, you get to that. You're like, I want that back, I want that back. And when it dies for you, it's pretty three dates. But that's typical between like three days, six months. You can never go back to that. You can keep it going and interesting and apparently if you in a long term relationship, it gets like deeper and more profound.

Right.

There's another chemical that I forget what it's called, but Dopamine.

Oxytocin and umps. Serotonin.

Yeah.

Cortisol. So there's something with an N. Cortisol, Non. Eprephron or whatever.

Norepinephrine.

Norepinephrine, yeah, that's the one that like creates long lasting bonds.

Exactly.

So you feel like a sense of loyalty even though you're not getting that like dopamine rush.

Exactly.

You find pleasure in committing to someone.

Exactly, exactly. That's exactly what it is. It's attachment.

Right.

It's like the attachment gene. So what happens is those are spiking. The first three dates, you're like, oh my God, da, da. And then you're like, eh, I already know this. It's not that you want, you want the rush.

Yeah, yeah.

It's exciting to meet new.

I mean, it's all on dopamine.

The thing is, people are. It's hard because it's hard to get that back too. So maybe you gotta go to date four next.

But if I, if I'm after date three, I already know that I don't want to like marry this person. I already feel bad stringing them along for date 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

At least you know that her, she'll go on like 40 more dates with the guy.

I go, I date him for four. Yeah.

She doesn't even like it.

I don't do that anymore.

Okay.

I've cut the time in half.

All right, good.

Yeah. We are smarter.

You know what you want now?

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I know what I don't like. I know what I don't want. I know what I want, but I know what I can recognize. It doesn't take me three years now. It takes me like. But here's my question for you guys. So when you go on, are you single as well?

Yes.

Okay. Oh, good. So how long does it take when you're on a date and you decide, you know, does it take you to the third date? Does it take. Do you know, on the first date to decide what to decide that you don't want to be with them?

Oh, I just know that I never want to be with anybody. But I would. I go past the third.

I go.

I go past the third date.

Right, because you want the sex.

Yeah, I like that because that happens.

On the fourth date. Typically they say, I don't think I've ever been on.

Is that the average.

No, I don't want to perpetuate that, but yes. Menace, you've been. Don't you think like the fourth date or. That's what everyone says.

Like I have sex on the majority of first dates that I'm on.

You do?

Well, you don't go on dates. You just. Oh, right.

I just get drunk places.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that was a date. Jake's not having like a sober dinner with someone that doesn't have.

You're not like taking it to like a show or something?

Yeah, it's like, hey, I'm at this dance club, it's 12:18am Come meet me. Oh, we hooked up. Yeah. That's date one.

Right. And then it'll never be a second.

Yeah, that. Okay. So you just hook up with chicks mostly.

Yeah.

Yeah. Is it because. Do you have like anxiety around approaching women and meeting them when you're not.

No, it's very common.

I will.

No, most people do. And that's why guys are so. Email me every day because, you know.

I think I just have anxiety about like liking to be alone. So I don't want to like date anybody and have them in front of you, have my time tied up.

Yeah, I totally got it. That's been absolutely. I know what you mean. Because you feel like, you feel like you're giving up a part of your independence and your freedom. But what they say, and I say, you say.

You keep referencing me. You're talking about the two people next door.

I'm not married.

People that are poisoning our ears.

Can I be honest, Jake? I'm more like you. Like, I'm. They say that it goes deeper when you stick with someone long. I've been in long term relationships. It does happen, but that's not typically. That's not really what I want either. And I also have a fear of losing my independence. And in relationship, I'm very, you know, I am married to my career. We're having a really good time here. No, but I am sort of. If someone ever Tries to take that time away from me. I'm like, I want to. Like, I want. It makes me anxious.

Yeah.

And they say they. Now I know it's true because I've kind of done it. What I'm saying is, people, you can have your independence. When you're in a relationship with someone, you will find someone where you'll be able to still be you and she'll appreciate your own, your loan time.

I'm not worried about another person taking that from me and like another person stealing my independence. I just know me in relationships, I don't do anything. I don't do enough to protect my independence because I like my initial thought, especially when I'm in that honeymoon phase, which is the most dangerous place for me to be.

Right.

I'm like, over promising, overshadowing. Give her a key, she moves in, getting connected. And then it's like I turn around, three months later, I'm like, fuck, right?

Why is she living with us? Because you guys are roommates, right? Does he have girls who like, stay for weeks at a time?

Not weeks at a time, but like days? Days, Hours, really. The last one was two minutes, which I thought was kind of rude.

Yeah, I've gotten faster. All right.

Do we need to talk about that?

Can I rewind back though, real quick to you guys? You know, started out in New York.

Yeah.

And now you're here in Los Angeles. Why'd you come to LA and how much you know difference? Is it because something just came out today where New York is like the third freakiest city.

Freaky.

Yeah, for like people like getting it on and then LA is like number six.

Wait, what's number two? One and two of New York.

Number two is San Francisco and number one is Portland, actually.

Portland.

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Really?

So how's it been, like the transition? Why did you guys even come out here?

I don't know. We should have moved to Portland.

Yeah, I thought it was going to be freaky.

I'd be down to get a little freakier. Yeah. As luck would have it.

Well, okay, so you guys have, you know, a certain level of fame, like in New York. Right. So it was probably easy to hook up with.

I put your hand closer to the table when you said certain level. Yeah.

The thing about our popularity is that we're. We're. No, we're well known amongst a lot of like, basically teenage to college aged guys. So it doesn't really help with girls right off the bat. It helps eventually, yeah. When like on date two or something. When they ask what we do and they find out that we're not even that we're famous, but just that we're writers and that we're successful at it. Yeah. I think that goes a long way.

If only we were gay pedophiles, I feel like we'd have a field day just boning 15 year old kids.

Like, if we were in a semi popular band, we would have sex way, way more than we had.

Yeah. No. Musicians trump all however women they like.

So they look you up on like Twitter or Instagram. Like, oh, they got all these followers.

Yeah.

And it's kind of funny.

They already goog before the first.

Yeah.

And it gives us a chance to be humble because they look us up and they're like, wow, why do you guys have so many followers? And we're like, oh, we're just. I don't know, we just like to write and that's. That's all.

Yeah, yeah. So that definitely helps out. But how's that, how's that been like versus LA versus New York and stuff.

Like that for you guys?

It is more tame out here. Although I was in a relationship for most of New York, so, like, I wasn't a single eligible dude in New York.

So five date relationships. Five dates?

Oh, no, that was three years plus. Wow.

Good for you.

So I don't know what happened after that. I turned into this. No, it wasn't even that hard. It was like, fairly mutual. Yeah, mutual.

I'm not into here. You're not into me?

Yeah. I was like, oh, we're not going to.

You spent so long not having independence that you really value.

Yeah. Now I like, I stocked up on my not being independent and now that I have it, I'm like, oh, I can't get rid of it ever anytime soon.

So how are you trying to. So are you.

How are you meeting girls either in person while traveling or online with apps?

Which apps? Tinder.

I've used Tinder.

Okay. My friend calls it a blowjob dispensary.

Wow, that is an amazing logline for any app.

Oh, it's a dude that gets blowjobs. I haven't gotten a lot of blowjobs from Tinder. Actually, I should talk to. Is he more attractive than me?

No, no such a thing. He's different than you.

That's. Yes. How old is he?

He has a better face body dick.

34, 35.

Oh, is he getting blow jobs from younger or older ladies?

Younger. The younger girls, because I think they're like, I'm not Gonna do anything because I don't think a boo, but I'll give him a blowjob if it's anybody.

That she's hanging out with. He's definitely sleazier.

That happens to you sometimes where a girl's like, I don't want to have sex with you, but I'll blow you.

Yeah, yeah. Pleasers. We're just pleasers.

So intimate.

I know you give a blowjob girls right away.

That's the new making out, though. Everything is so next level these days.

Anal's like shaking hands.

Wow. I should redownload.

Call me my parents for Christmas.

Okay. Hot.

So, Tinder. So do you find that the girls are different than just. Let's just say, overall, forget about meeting.

I would imagine they're more straightforward in New York.

Oh. In la, In L. A, it's much more like professional. And like, I'm like, dating when I'm like. And like New York, it's kind of like you said, it's going out late at night, it's getting free.

I know I didn't go on a lot of. I think because New York, there's so many places to go out and I think you don't want to waste a weekend like going on a date. I would be out with my friends and like, all of us would be on Tinder, like, and somebody would get a Tinder match and then like, a group of girls would come out and meet us. That was the way that.

That's so brilliant.

Which is so much more fun than like a single date. That's like, I have to go and give you two hours of my time at dinner.

I don't know.

She shows up, you're like, dinner. Like, I want her to leave now. Or he brings a menu.

And the first half of the date is sober. Very sober, Right?

Yeah. And what's another benefit about New York is everything stays open so late, you know, so you just get more and more drunk.

That's true. New York is more of a, like, party scene. LA is. I mean, I guess Uber and ride sharing is sort of changing that. Because my experience in L. A, it's been like, you know, we're. We're all going to go to one bar because parking's a hassle. And then we all can't get that drunk because we all have to drive home.

Yeah, Uber and Tinder, like, nobody ever has to, like, leave their self drive.

It's making LA a little more fun.

Go on a date ever again and worry about getting. No one's going to Get a DUI or go on a date again, ever. Probably because that's. That's the thing is about Tinder, so. Ever before that, though, before Tinder even, it feels like for a year at least, San Francisco. Because we lived in San Francisco. You're Bay Area. You're from the Bay Area, right?

No, I went to school up there.

Went to Berkeley.

Yeah. Yeah.

Did you?

No, I have nothing to do with the Bay Area.

You guys became BFFs after college.

Yeah, we met in New York City.

Okay, got it. So. But up there, too, I felt like no one asked you out. They're kind of like, hey, meet up with my friends. Like, that's typically what I think guys do anyway. And then you just order it. Like, you know, it's like ordering a pizza. Like, you know. You know someone's coming. It's not like, yeah, maybe we'll meet a chick tonight.

Exactly. Which is nice.

I mean, awesome. That's.

I don't want to sacrifice time with my boys. I love my friends.

I know. You're so. You're in the dude phase now. It's fine. Don't trip on it. I think it's okay, because you'll get to the point maybe where you're ready for it, you know, where you're like, oh, actually, now my alone space doesn't feel, as, you know, it doesn't. It feels like I'd like to.

Another problem is I don't. I don't ever feel alone because I live with two of my friends. So I'm like, isn't it lonely to be alone, single? It's like, no, because I'm always just at home hanging out. If I was living in a studio apartment, I have to get a shitty studio apartment and not live with anyone. Then I will feel the loneliness enough to meet me or a girlfriend I would miss. Oh, what do you mean right now?

Like, if you lived alone, would you say, hey, I want to live with you and Marty?

Oh, yeah, I would just move back with you. Yeah, that's what I would miss. Is there a Tinder for friends? Is there an adult finder, Facebook? Perfect.

No, but there should be for friends. Because, like, I just moved. I mean, I moved here two years ago now, but it's hard to meet, like, good. I mean, I've met some people. I have a million friends.

You just need to meet one, because then they can meet, introduce you to three.

No, I have. I mean, I have, but, like, it'd be nice to see. Now I have to go through the.

People who's your newest friend?

You suck. My friend Emily.

Your newest friend?

Her name is Emily. That's the only thing that sucks about her is I'm like, mm, no, I hate her name.

How. When did you meet her?

I've been friends with another Emily. I met Emily probably a few months ago.

And then have you had one on one time alone time?

Yes. I laugh. She is so funny that I laughed so hard that my. My stomach, it hurts like.

Oh, it's actual side splitting laugh.

Side splitting.

How did you meet her?

I met her through a friend of mine that I was kind of dating or date sometimes.

Oh, it's like a friend of a friend.

Yeah, yeah. And they're best friends, you know. And then she's married. She's cool, but she's awesome and she's hilarious and she makes me laugh. And the other night we actually went out with some friends. We went out with. I don't want to like be like whatever, but let's just say somebody entertainment because I talk about names, but he was funny.

Oh, wait. Mouth the name funny so I can now.

No, I don't do that.

She just mouth John Stamos.

No, Uncle Jesse.

She's funny. But he was like, oh my God. And he said the next day she should do sketch or something. She's really funny. I'm like, you know, and she's cool. So she's a new friend. I love her.

That's good.

I have a few good girlfriends from college here. It's all going well.

Making new friends is very fun.

Exactly.

It's fun to have a new friend.

Did you have any new. I'm. I feel like we're new friends because we had dinner at the podcast one.

Yeah. But it's not like we're spending one on one time or not texting.

You never like call me or text me anymore.

Did you want me to?

You never did.

I never got your phone.

Well, you never tweet me.

How do I. Oh, yeah, I guess I don't tweet you.

I don't tweet you yet.

Hey, you didn't tweet me.

I will. I thought we were friends. We like, you know, things were going well.

We were deaf friendly.

But you guys do mind. I have to take a quick break here.

I actually do mind.

But I do want. When we come back, I would love you guys to you guys give advice on your amazing podcast.

We do.

I would like you to help us give some people advice. So right now though.

Oh, right now.

Oh, you know what? I need to talk about speaking of lasting two minutes. Remember you said that earlier, some of your relationships. Promescent is the only FDA approved treatment for premature ejaculation.

Really?

Do you know how you define premature ejaculation? It's like a minute, two minutes or less.

Is that what it is?

However, two minutes from when did I ejaculate? From like the time he sees you of enter. From the time he sees you across the bar. No, from the time of like entering.

Yeah, you're ejaculating right now, so that's premature.

Oh, dude, yeah, totally. I'll give you a buck.

The clock hasn't started yet, so it's.

Not technically premature, especially really late from.

A clock I had going before.

Unless you have a fleshlight going. Okay, but promescent. One in three men suffers from premature ejaculation, but they also. Sometimes they just don't last as long as they want because women. How long do we take to orgasm? How long would you guess a typical woman takes to orgasm?

8 minutes, 14 minutes.

Okay, it's about between 20 and 40.

40. But I'm supposed to be in there for 40 minutes.

Was that including foreplay?

That includes foreplay.

Oh, okay.

You guys are so cute. Okay, yeah, so it does include foreplay, but however, there's a gap. So even if you're a guy that lasts 12 minutes, even if there's a guy, you're like, I did it. We'll talk after too about that, the four place stuff. Eight minutes. Let's say a guy lasts eight minutes and takes her between 18 and 40. Well, there's an orgasm gap. So promescent helps close that gap. So you can last. You last twice as long. It's called promescent. It's the only FDA approved treatment. Go to P R O M E S C e n t.com if you want to have better sex, which who doesn't. Yeah, yeah, right. It'd be funny if you guys feel that.

Sorry, I continue, but I can just say something. It'd be funny if you. The pill is just given to a girl to have an orgasm faster. It doesn't do anything to the guy.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

We close the gap by making the girl come instantly so that you guys are on the same road.

That would be amazing.

Menace hates foreplay. I don't even think he knows what it is.

It's too much work.

He's like, really? Like, we used to have these things on the show. He's like, how long? How long do I have to do.

Well, she was like, oh, two hours. You need to make out. I don't see. And then it's like. Then you're gonna last, like, two minutes in bed. That's your problem, because you're so excited to, like, finally have some insertion, you know?

No, I got it. I mean, I understand that it's not ideal that our machines work differently, but you just gotta put in the time.

Guys are just too much goddamn work is what it is.

Well, the thing is, it's. It's great for guys probably more than it is for girls. And so you have to put in more effort because what's great for guys more than girls? Sex.

No, I disagree.

Well, great sex is great for girls, but I'm saying on average, guys probably.

Oh, yeah. Guys are like. It's like pizza. Like, what really? Like, necessities. Like, bad pizza. It's the same thing. Like, I gotta. You guys, 99.9% of the time, you are going to have an orgasm, and it's gonna be awesome. And you're gonna be like, yeah, I could have masturbated. I could have had sex. Doesn't matter. I got off.

Guys, typically, women, like, a good guy deals with guilt afterwards.

Oh, you do? Tell me about it.

Well, like, if I come too early or like, if I come ahead of somebody and they don't get off, then I feel.

But then you got to just turn around and get them off. You got to take this necklace that I'm gonna give you.

But I get what you're saying. No, I get it. Guys, there's a lot of guilt.

I'm not saying, like, yeah, girls definitely have the sex thing worse.

But let me tell you one thing, though. Women, we don't trip if we never have an org. Like, we don't care if we don't have an orgasm every time. We really don't.

That's what I've heard. It's like, don't worry.

And we're not lying to you about that. Here's the problem. If you're with a guy and he doesn't even make an effort, or he doesn't seem to care, and he just like three pump chump. And he's like, doing the whole, like, you know, jackhammer, and then he's out, right? You're like, you're. You're. You're douche. Like, you have. No, but if a guy's like, oh, I'm, you know, let me please you first.

Like, I clearly can.

You clearly tried. Didn't happen. We appreciate that more than you Just like, going in, you know, wham, bam, I'm out the door.

You don't want to feel like a Fleshlight.

Yeah, exactly. You might want one, but you don't want to feel like one.

That's right.

So that is the whole foreplay. Okay, so we're talking to Jake and Amir. Jake and Amir. Dot com.

Sorry. Do you hear me in your microphone? Like, I don't hear me in my headset. Is that a normal thing you're wearing? Do you.

We gotta turn.

I do hear you. Do some technical stuff.

Oh, you do hear me. Maybe it's just my headphones, but I don't want to, like, record the whole thing and they're like, oh, mirrors. Mic.

No, no, no.

I just think that I just. I wanted to say my part.

Okay.

Do got. Oh, okay. See, we're doing DO guys. So when you meet.

Oh, yeah.

Do you feel there's pressure, not only sexually, but to be funny? Like, I'd be like, you're so funny. Don't you. Do you feel like.

No, that we don't. We're lucky. I can only be funny.

That's your thing. But a girl. Okay, what if a girl. You're out with her and she's like, doesn't get your sense of humor? That must.

Oh, yeah, that's. That's happened before.

You're like, I'm funny.

You know, somebody doesn't get our sense of humor. I don't know. I've never had somebody, like, straight up think I wasn't funny. But I've had even girlfriends, like, tell me that a joke I said was not funny. And that's such a turn off because it, like, that's all I am.

Right?

So, like, if I say that joke was bad, Jake, I will shrink. And it's like, it's not. I'm not fun to be around.

Right. No, I get it. So you mean, like, if it's like, you're performing or if you're just, like, talking to her and.

Yeah, if I'm just talking to somebody. If I'm, like, around a group of people and I'm, like, telling jokes and everyone's laughing and my girlfriend is like, you're Stop.

She's no longer your girlfriend. Yeah, that's like, date.

That's the beginning.

That's the second date. That's when it ends. Usually, anyway, she insults your jokes. But you guys, also. I wanted to tell you this just to make you feel even better than you probably already do. Oh, is that. A recent study came out. It found that Women reported having more pleasurable sexual, AKA orgasms, with guys who they believed had a good sense of humor.

Wow.

So there you got, like, more than half. About one.

Cool.

I don't think you guys have a problem. Really?

Well, you have no idea how terrible Jake is in bed. What?

I'm great at giving orgasms. Let's 69 and see who comes first. You're on, brother.

Do you guys hear. Since you're roommates, do you hear each other having sex ever?

No. I live in a back house that's detached from our actual house.

Really?

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That's probably a good idea because you don't want to.

Like, what about in our old place? That was. Those were thin walls. Oh, yeah.

You never got laid.

That's true. And you always did. But I put on those headphones.

Have you ever heard of that?

I don't think so.

I don't think I've ever heard you have sex.

There you have it.

And there was one time where I.

Could have used to be more sex going on. Like, were you, like, the cup, the plastic cup? It was really quick. It was. It was over before it started.

What?

You don't make noise?

I mean, whether it's me or, like, furniture moving, there's probably noise to be heard.

Guys. I don't think that guys make enough noise during sex.

Did you. You dated that one guy and you said he. At the end, he didn't make any noise.

I didn't even know. Like, I'm like, are you still alive? Like, if he. If I knew he had orgasm, he.

Was like.

Oh, I like that. I do some heavy breathing and some whispering.

No, there was, like, no breathing, like, preceding it. There was. Nothing was like. And that's. I had to like.

And then you were done.

Yeah, but it was just so not. I'm not saying you guys gotta be screaming and moaning and yelling, but just like a little bit of, like.

I started growling when I orgasm. No lie.

Really?

Like how?

Show me. Like a tiger.

Wow, that's hot.

I don't ever chat. I mean, that's. That's like me saying primal.

No, that wasn't the real growl.

Really. Having an orgasm and you really growl. It feels. It feels fucking amazing. I didn't do it just for show.

No, I love that. That's, like, so primal.

Yeah.

Becomes a tiger. What do you do in your orgasm? Menace.

Just thank God that I'm alive because I'm so fat.

Just out of breath, just gassed out.

Oh, that's good. Feelings after sex. Okay, but did you see that new.

Study that said that fat guys last longer in bed?

Yeah. That was done by fat guys.

Google it.

Yeah, I did. I did. Did they last longer in bed? You know why? Because you're probably on the bottom.

You're not doing it from behind. You're not doing it in the positions that are gonna be. Make it more likely it lasts, like four extra minutes and you're just lying there. Yeah. Well, that's good, dude. You got that going.

Hell, yeah.

Here's some questions. Okay. Because you guys on your podcast, which is if I. What is if I were you. If I were you. Why did I say if I were? If I were you is their awesome podcast, which is super successful. So congratulations on that.

Thank you.

And you can get on itunes and you give advice.

We do.

And so I thought since I tried to sometimes, you know, give advice to my people here. Thank you for emailing me feedbackaxwithemily.com that we could all help people together. It's really meaningful. Thank you. Hi, Emily. I'm a new listener to the show. So sorry if this has already been covered. My question is, if a guy is playing the field and having a normal sex life with different women, what is the etiquette in terms of having him owning sex toys? I've never owned one, but I assume the first thought a woman would have if you brought one in the bedroom would be, who else have you been using that with? Thanks, Brendon.

Well, yeah, okay. I can go first here, obviously. Cause I do. It's my show. Yeah, that's weird, Brendon. So here's the. You don't want to, like, stock up on sex toys that are opened and have them in your house and whip out. Because I've had this happen to friends. Seriously, friends. Not me. Because I think guys know better. But I have had friends. They're like, where was that vibrating? It was, like, pubic hair on it. Where has it been Grass now? I mean, whatever it was when people used to have pubic hair. I don't know. So, no, you don't want to, like, buy. Stock up on them. However, if you think there's something like a penis ring. Have you ever used, like, sex toys? Like a cock ring or like, that goes around, you know, it is new and you bought. You bought it. And I got this cool thing from my friend Emily because I give all my friends sex toys, Right? Then that's fine. But you don't want to bring in ones that have been used.

So I don't think I haven't had sex enough to need to incorporate toys. Sex enough. Sex in general is so, like, fun for me that I don't need to spice it up yet.

Toys, because they've had so much.

I think it is. They're just bored with sex at this point. I have to spice it up.

It's a gateway drug. That's what I've been telling her forever. Because you start with one little tiny one, and then next thing you know, it's like a dump truck. Bulldozer type apparatus.

Wanted to create a really sexy toy called the dunk dump truck.

I know.

I was gonna. It's a huge, huge hit in China, but it didn't happen. But the thing is, first of all, sex toys. Speaking of orgasms, earlier, for a lot of women, that's the only. That's your penis. No matter how big, no matter how it moves, no matter how small. It doesn't matter. Like, because some women prefer that. They just can't. Like, they need a vibrator. They need extra clitoral stimulation. Because the typical moves during sex, you're not hitting clitoris. So. So it's not that it's gotten old and boring. It's that it, like, takes it. It's like having dessert that night at dinner. It's like, oh, this is great. Text with you, and then I'm gonna have great dinner.

You're preaching to this guy who says that.

Well, you also said you never use sex toys.

I've never used a sex toy. But I'm not saying. But it's not because my sex is so great that I don't need them.

Right.

But I just.

No.

Right.

But one day, typically, I guess the cool thing to do is most women have them. Like, over 54% of women own sex toys now.

Oh.

So the cool thing, if you're ever interested, you might want to say, hey, babe, so do you got any toys? I'd love to see them. And then she'll feel comfortable. And then actually, it's kind of hot. Like, it's not that she's. You're just sitting there watching. And it's not like it's a big freaking vibrating. Like, it could be this. Like, is this scary? No, this little vesper. So then you could play with her. There's ones you could use together anyway. They could be hot. Yeah. So sex toys. Moving on. So you guys don't know that about sex toys, but typically. Oh, here's the thing, Brandon. If you are in a polyamorous open. No, I'm saying it's not Your thing. But if you are like an open. Like, I know people who are in open relationships and they actually do share sex toys. Oh, but you clean them after it's open.

Washed.

Did you hear the story recently?

I'm sorry? Did you hear the story recently? The guy, he was watch. He was like boiling all the dildo and dildos and he burned down his house.

He was trying to do a favor for his wife because they've been fighting about something. He goes like, I'm gonna clean our sex toy collection. That's gonna be such a nice thing. So he goes downstairs, he puts them in a boiling water, which you actually should not do. I guess they were glass dildos, maybe, or whatever. But whatever it is, he was boiling water and then he forgot, went upstairs, got on the phone, and then all of a sudden, fire alarm's going off, it's smoking. His wife's like, what are you doing? And they run downstairs and she's like boiling this. He's boiling the sex toys and the whole house almost goes on fire.

Oh, jeez.

Guy trying to do a nice goddamn thing. Yes. Yeah, I did hear that. Okay. Dear Emily, I've listened to your show for years, both with you and sometimes Menace, too. I have very crude associate that sends me video clips. Crude associate. And I happened to actually watch one the other day. And I thought I heard Menace talking in the background. I don't really pay attention into the 30 second video. I didn't really pay attention to it, but I just thought I'd email you rather than rewind it. I was wondering if you ever noticed, if you ever recorded or worked with Girls Gone Wild. I don't mean to imply anything weird, but he has a distinct voice. I was curious. Love your show. Think it's a great thing. I listen to it all the time. Cue up the great work, Robert.

Girls Gone Wild.

Yeah, well, I mean, you're sweating.

Oh. Like, with the boobs on Spring break.

Girls gone wild.

14.

Dude, you were a Snoop Dogg in New Orleans.

Yeah, for sure. No, I mean riches.

No.

When I worked at, like, hip hop Pop radio in San Francisco. I've been to so many nightclubs and, like, been drunk, blacked out and.

But were you on a bus outside that had women, like, flashing.

Not outside, but Dennis was flashing his breast.

I mean, I definitely been around, like, girls just naked in the club and stuff like that. Maybe I was in the background or something. But if it's like some.

That's not your jam.

You brought it like some horse in some other person. Then it's definitely not me.

And no offense, like, girls gone wild.

Depending on, like, how crude they think it is.

Yeah, like girls gone wild. Like, they're not. That's not flashy. Yeah, yeah, Boobs, boobs, boobs.

Definitely.

Thanks for clearing that up. We were really stressed about it. We didn't know.

Yeah, I also saw him refereeing 12 bum fights.

Yeah, that too. Yeah, for sure.

In the background, a really depraved Internet hell.

Yeah. Okay, we have another email which I think is really relevant to you guys. Well, I'm just gonna read it. Here we go. How to sext? Hiya. This is really embarrassing to ask, but I really struggle with writing sexual messages to my partner. He is really good at it, but I feel like I'm disappointing him because I don't know what to write back to him. So I usually always say, oh, wow, come here now it's really bad. And I just. See if you could give me some advice on what to say to him. Thanks, Katie. Well, the reason why is because. Don't you have like, ask a mirror or something?

No, it's called text jake.com.

Text jake.

It's you.

Sorry, you guys.

He's a text expert.

Okay, so right. Text jake.com. and people can send you, like in real life, like screen grabs. Well, how do I respond?

Little screenshots of text and they're like, what should I say to respond to this?

So do you ever respond? That's. So do they pay $5amessage?

Wow, that good.

Well, do you know, that is brilliant. Because guys who can't give. Forget sex. Guys who can't give, good text, can't.

Get laid, sense of humor thing. It really does. Because texting is all about just like.

Exactly.

Micro flirtation. And that's what. That's what so many people are bad at it. And it's literally the one thing I'm.

Good at that that is. Well, it's. It's because I've dated guys that I was like, I liked him so much better when we're just texting. Like we dated for a while. I'm like, I think I just want to go to the room and text me. Because it's so much more. Not that you're like that, but funny. So do any of them. I mean, you're funny and you can text. So do people ever ask you to sext?

They have, yeah.

Oh, we should start sexedjake.com.

You should start, dude, anything with sex in the title.

I would love to. Man. Sexting. It really is.

I'll do it with you. Like, we could do sexting. Well, not. I'll help. Whatever. You probably know, I'm sure.

Has anybody. Has anybody done that? They actually asked you for sext advice?

Yeah, that's what you said. And what do you say?

It's happened once or twice. I mean, I. I could always write just, like, one message. I think the one that, like, gets would get me off the most is like, I want. I want to suck your. I want to. I want you to fuck me from behind.

Right.

Those are pretty standard. But then, like, that's funny. Most of it's like, that's funny. I think most of you, like, becoming desensitized. I just said it's like, it's. I don't know. People are just so self conscious, but.

Right.

I think you just bite the bullet and you send it and you get. You get more desensitized each message you send.

That's true. It is true. But how do you. Katie. Katie wants to know, like, how you warm up. So I would say, like, ask questions and tell. I think you have to.

When you're sexy on them for a little bit.

Yeah. And also make it like a fantasy. So you want to be kind of linear. You want to just kind of say, like, dirty talk. You just kind of want to say what you describe. Be descriptive. So, like, you know, I was thinking about you. I just got home and I got in bed and I'm thinking about you right now. I took my clothes off or something. And then you'd say, like, really? Like, what are you doing? Well, I'm touching myself. I mean, you just kind of go from there, right? Tell them what you'd like to do. Like, she could say, oh, I'm thinking about sucking your cock. Misha's gonna leave with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby. I'm thinking about having you. Okay, here's the thing, Katie. If you're a newbie, I'm not even gonna make you use the word cock. We just actually voted the number one word that was used in erotica. Erotica the other day. Cock, if you want to know it.

Is just a little powerful.

I would rather see somebody say hard dick.

Really?

Yeah, that would turn me up.

You're hard dick. Dick. Really?

See, to me, I'm like, yeah, dick's a little. It makes it. But saying hard in front of hard cock makes it sound like.

It's not like, she's a porn. She's porn.

I talk about my dick. Like, using the word cock.

Right? No, I got it. It's all porn. Okay, I'm not even. What would. Let's say you just start because you guys had date nice girls like Katie, who maybe they're not as professional at sexting. So what would get you going? How would you like to receive your sext? And let's help Katie. So Katie's a newbie. She's dating this guy. How long should we be dating him? Let's see.

Can I just say first, I would like her just to initiate this sexting, you know, because probably 95% of the time, women aren't.

You know, I never initiate it.

The guy has to, right?

So let's say he says, I've been thinking. Okay, let's say he says to her, how. Okay, last night was so hot. I keep thinking about your hot body or something. And then what would you want back from that?

If he said, if I touched.

He started last night, it was so hot. Because she says, he's stuck.

Guys wouldn't say that.

Yeah, they. What, dude?

No way. I do say that.

You do.

Please just tell Madison.

Aren't you afraid that, like, somebody would screenshot that and be like, tweet it out, like, oh, look what he.

Look at this.

Everyone show somebody how sexy of a writer I am.

Yeah, that would be a good thing. That would help you get.

You know, that's why. Well, that's why you would never, like. I would never send an unsolicited creepy sentence to someone. I always would make sure that it's somebody that wants to get it. Yeah.

And so what would you tell? Like, so you know. Yeah, because menace isn't. I think that women, we like to be complimented. We just do. There is no woman on the planet who's like, oh, I hate when he tells me I look hot. And we used to joke. I wasn't really joking, but, like, compliment are like 10 times a day. If you're with a girl, you look hot. I know, but I was just to get my point across. So I think, you know, to say, like, you were so hot last night, thinking about you, you know, and then she could say, like, oh, really? Like, what are you thinking about? You'd be like, when you were sucking my hard dick. And then she could say, that was really hot. What would you, you know, just get creative, Katie. Like, think of any erotica. You know what the.

Think about his favorite thing during sex.

What's he like when you were actually exactly so. Right. Think about. I was thinking, like, so when you're having sex, was he, like, really moaning when you were, you know, Slapping his face or something.

When your legs are straight up, does he, like when you're riding him? Reverse cowgirl. You know, just like, tap into.

Talk about. Exactly. Tap into how. Explain your last sex session or your most memorable sex session to him verbatim in text and, like, talk about what you want to do and. Right.

Yeah. I mean, asking questions is a way to keep it going without necessarily.

Yeah. And if he says, I want to take your clothes off, she'd be like, well, what do you want to do next? And then what? And then what? And then what? And then that could get her going.

Right.

And then you'll already be going, katie. And then you'll know what to say.

It's like dancing, where you're letting him dance.

Like dancing.

You just follow in step, and then you can take the lead.

But do you wish that women took the lead more, like initiating sex? What do you guys think about that, or do you think they do?

In my experience, I'm not very good at, and that's something I struggle with.

A lot of guys do.

So would you say you struggle with doubt?

Doubt, fear, anxiety. Yeah. Side effects, man.

I'm fearful and anxious all the time.

Me too. I get it.

I don't know. I think it seems to happen a good enough amount for me. I'm not wishing it was happening more.

It all depends on the lady. There are ladies out there that could do that to text me right now and be like, oh, this is great. And then there are ones that are like, I feel bad about this. So it sort of depends on the relationship you guys already have. But if she's dating this guy, then it sounds like it's going well.

Yeah.

Okay, good.

Men. It's any. Nothing. Okay.

No.

I was just saying earlier, though, I wish they would initiate more.

Well, I feel like I hear that one of the top complaints I get asked from men is like, why won't she initiate sex? Why won't my partner or anyone I'm with initiate it? Yeah, they'll give you the blowjob on the second date. But once you're in a relationship, apparently women don't. I know. They don't initiate exact sex.

Maybe guys just have to. I feel like women are so giving when we say we want something. So you say you just have. Guy almost just needs to have that first conversation.

Right.

But is it worth it? When you ask for it and you get it, Is it worth it?

Yes, it is.

It is. Guys want to please you. And this is the thing. Guys want to please you. Guys do you do you want to know? She would be like, here's my vagina. Because Menace always says the vagina is like the Rubik's Cube of life, which it kind of is. And wouldn't you be psyched if she was like, I want you to do this, this, or that? You'd be like, great. Got the roadmap. Awesome. You're pleased. I'm pleased. Let's, you know.

You know those YouTube tutorials we took to solve the Rubik's Cube? That same guy should tell me how to fuck, right?

Well, it's everybody.

You are U L, U L. I think it's, like, an intimidating conversation to say what gets you off. So there's. But there's, like, subtle ways that you can do that.

Exactly.

Like, just leading people by. I mean, you're. By moaning. By saying yes more.

Yeah, exactly. Just talk about it. And people don't talk about sex enough because they think that women and men believe that they're typically women. Because guys are a little bit simpler in the bedroom, technically. Women assume that men just know. Like, you guys were like, you know, someone gave you, like, a manual or something, or you, like, saw YouTube video. He doesn't know exactly what to do, but they don't. And every woman's different. So even if you were a master with your ex, you're not gonna know what. This guy's a woman. So it's confusing. So I think that the more that women speak up in the bedroom is important because why are you just sitting there suffering if you know that you want a finger in your butt.

Yeah. I try that on literally everybody I sleep with.

I'm sure you do, but do you? Is it test? I have a guy friend who does that. He's like, it's test if she's kinky or not. Do you?

Yeah, I try it on everybody.

You stick a finger in a butt of every girl?

Yes.

And then. So how have the results been?

Some people just pull it away, and some people are into it.

Right.

And I've never had somebody be like, stop it. How dare you?

Never.

It's not like I go all in.

It's an interesting tactic.

Inch it closer.

You just, like, rub it a little. Like you're not like.

And I usually am not even so.

So, like, clearly trying to do it, that they have to grab my hand. But, like, if they just change their body so I'm not close to it, then I get that sense. But I also just wanted to say.

Positive reinforcement in terms over negative reinforcement. Right. So, like, this Guy, this. This guy might say to his girlfriend, I love when you initiate a sex day. Like, I love when you touch me like this. Not, hey, you've been doing this and it's bad.

Exactly. You're so absolutely right. You know, you do not want to start in with the. What you're doing wrong and expensive. So I always say. Yeah. When you want to have the sex talk in relationships, which a lot of people have a hard time doing. I myself struggle with it, too, which is funny. If I'm dating someone, you think I would. I mean, I think I'm probably better. I'm hard on myself. But when I was learning and I still struggle, it's hard just to the first conversation, you're like, okay, so sex. I mean, because you don't want to do it in bed unless it's, like, a move to. Left out. You're hurting me. Like, you're on my, like, knee. My boob or something.

Definitely.

Speak of.

It's. You do want to be like, you know, like, I. Because I get a lot of emails from listeners who are like, well, I want to try have a threesome with my partner, or I want to try toys. What do I do? And so I think it's just great to be like, you know, our sex is so awesome. It was so great last night. That was so fun. You know, it would be. I think we'd have so much fun together if we started to talk dirty or I'm gonna dress up as a schoolgirl. Would that be fun?

Right? Whatever.

And then you just, like, compliment them. It's great. And then here's where we're. We should do this.

If a vagina is a Rubik's Cube, what is a penis? Can I recommend the ball on a paddle thing? Like.

Yes. You can only think.

Yeah.

It's so much easier. Jacob's ladder.

Yeah.

Like, you instantly get it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Penis is a. It's a ruler. Yeah. So you're using it already.

You bang on, and something squirts out of it.

What's that? Is the penis. We're talking about a metaphor for that.

Isn't there, like, a toy that. And you squeeze.

A whooping cushion.

Oh, something. But then they have to ejaculate. The penis is a simple little.

It's a hard model.

Yeah.

It's easy.

So easy. Okay.

Silly putty.

One more question.

Okay.

Okay. Hello, my name is Jason. I'm 27. I love the show and learn so much from your talks. I have three questions.

Oh, you're.

Yeah, dude.

Okay. We Might only have time for one. But first, I want to have sex with my ex girlfriend's former roommate. I believe I can make it happen. My question is, why am I turned on by having sex with people that I'm not supposed to? For various reasons. What has your experience been in this realm? Second, dirty talk. I want to talk dirty to my partners, but I'm never quite sure what to say. And I don't want to see something like I think it's too dirty, but it's just degrading that I wouldn't normally say outside the bedroom. Lastly, interracial dating. I'm a black man who has dated mostly white women. Coast is more open to interracial dating. West coast or east coast? Thanks, Jason.

Okay.

That'S like a whole friggin show there. Okay, which one's the most interesting to us all that we can answer. Excellent. Girlfriend's former roommate.

The west coast is probably more open to interracially.

Nah.

Yeah, but that we can answer that quickly. But, but what about your ex girlfriend's former. Like do you guys do that bros or for hoes or what? What's the deal? Or what did chicks say? Chicks for dicks.

Well, that's just, that's just. He wants the forbidden romance that has.

Nothing to do with he can't get over. He wants girls.

Yeah.

Because he wants that thrill of doing something different. Naughty. The chase.

Yeah.

And the forbidden.

I've been, I've been him many times and I think that like you just have to weigh the. Weigh the pros and the cons. Like if it will, you don't really, really hurt.

He makes an Excel spreadsheet of the pros and cons.

Yeah, but. Except the only pro is sex and there's never a con. Right?

Well, no, sometimes you're just like, I.

Can'T quite come up with one. My penis is gonna be in her vagina in 10 minutes.

It's gonna hurt somebody. And like, is that okay or is it not okay? There's plenty of people were like, oh, this would hurt her feelings, but I don't care that much.

Right.

And that's okay. And you can have sex because you're both single and it doesn't sound like too intense of a relationship.

My sex girlfriend's former roommate.

Yeah, like it's not even like they're.

Still roommates, but that's a very tame forbidden fruit.

It's not like my girlfriend, it's my current girlfriend's sister. Then you're like, yeah, I shouldn't do that.

But then he said, I'm turned on. Yeah. Like you said, the bigger issue, having sex with people that I'm not supposed to for, like, married women. Who knows what road he's gone down? So I think that really common because it also. It's commitment. Sometimes people think, well, this isn't gonna work anyway. It's a little crazy, and I don't really have to get intimate with this person and care, so I'm gonna go after, like, the unknown, unattainable or the dangerous. That could be enough. That could be a reason.

Well, what's the psychological reasoning behind stuff? Like, even as far back as, like, the Bible, they're like, the forbiddenness of stuff is, like, so tense.

They literally call it the forbidden fruit.

Exactly. Because anytime you know, you. I mean, well, it's also primal. Like, I just think that we've always been told that sex is wrong and shameful and in so many ways, which is the. What I say. The biggest issues people struggle with sexually is that they do have shame around it, whatever reason. Like, either they didn't perform or it goes back. I looked at you. I mean, you said it.

Even God.

I didn't mean that you.

Even God, who wrote the Bible, thought forbidden fruit was hot.

Yeah, exactly. We've messed that up.

And he's fucking God.

We've totally messed up. Right. God knows. And so I just think that we've always made it seem like it's the thing that. But that's what makes it exciting that we're not supposed to do it. There's shame, religion, all this stuff.

Right?

Yeah, yeah, but it's all good. People should just, you know, take a bite of the apple. Okay. Then dirty talk. We kind of covered this one.

Yeah.

Menace and I once talked dirty on the show, and you said. I went.

But that was for television.

Which episode was that?

I want to make sure to never listen to it.

What the hell? We had a phone sex. We were on. We were on a reality show. It's funny.

It sounds like he wants to say things that are, like, a little degrading to me.

No, in general.

There'S porn where people get off to being like, yeah, yeah, shaming.

Yeah. Just read women. Like, free Craigslist.

Some women like that, too. Oh, yeah.

Like, if I was somebody and they, like, said out of the blue, like, oh, they were, like, doing dick shaming porn to me or something like, oh, yeah, you have a tiny little dick. I would really hate that.

You would hate that. But there's some men that are into that.

There's some men that dress like babies and they want.

Exactly. They want you to pee on them. Submissive, the whole thing. Absolutely.

And if it's like that, you almost have to bring it up beforehand.

Yeah, don't. Okay, here's the thing with dirty talk. Here's the number one rule with dirty talk. Do not start out really aggressive and intense. If you've never been with this person or it's a new relationship, you got to build it. You got like, babe, that's so hot that you feel so good. Your ass is that dirty hands.

Is that or is dirty always building up?

But it's like, dirty isn't always negative, but it's not like your vagina is super.

Wow.

I think you use other words.

You don't want to be, like, scientific.

And you want to be descriptive and you want to just kind of build up. You don't want to go in like, I want. You know, you're my bitch. You're my right.

And I'm pause. I'm lucky because all my dirty talk is positive.

All right.

What? Like, like, you're so tight.

I love fucking you. You feel good? Yeah, that's good.

That's sweet, too. See that?

No shaming, right?

No shaming.

But as you feel good dirty talking.

Yeah. I mean, it's talking. Here's the thing. Our brains are like the largest sex organ. Women get turned on, which is why we like funny guys and personalities and things. Guys are like, she's really funny, but she's not cute. I don't care if you talk to us in a way that's engaging, entertaining, you know, hence, like, text Jake or whatever. I'm sorry I fucked that up.

No, that's right.

That's right.

Like, we. That's the words turn us on. Like, they really do. And so if you could email, text, say these words to a woman. So I think positive reinforcement is great. Just we like to hear the words. Because even during sex, that's foreplay for us. That's hot. So that's what I recommend.

If your inclination, though, is to shame people, if you think that's hot, well.

Then you got to build up to it. Totally fine.

Dude, we had to find somebody.

You have to build up to it though, right? But you can't be like, you're a study hard bitch and you fucked your cousin or something.

She had this chick on the show, like, years ago who was, like, hired to shame business guys.

DY tricks.

Yeah. And she would, like, show up to these guys house and, like, pee in their mouth. And like do all this crazy stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's so hot.

Do you want me to give you her?

What does she do now?

Dominatrix. I think she's still a dominatrix. She was in my sex school with me. But I think it's just there is something for everybody. And you never. And this is actually a rule of thumb for sex across the board. No matter what you want to do, you want to stick your finger in places you know, you don't know. If she's into it, he's into it.

Rule of thumb, slow.

Get it? Just slowly escalate everything. So dirty talk can just start with describing, like, you feel so good. That's the great way to start. Like you feel so hot. Like your body, whatever. And then I see if she responds, like getting fucked. Right? Exactly.

Implies that she's a woman.

Right?

She's like. Oh, yeah. She's like. She's like.

And if she's like silent, you gotta read the energy. So I think that's just silly. Build up. And be descriptive. Not too descriptive right away. Okay? That's what we have time for. What else? You guys tell me what's going on, like where we can find you and like what? And like, what else is going on?

Well, what's our address? 510.

You guys are having a dirty talk party.

Amir's Social Security number is360.

Jake and Amir dot com.

That's right. Jake and Amir dot com. And if I were you, show dot com.

If I were you, show dot com.

Yeah. And what's your email?

Twitter.

JakeDeman84.

Akenameer.

You guys are roommates and you share a Twitter account?

Actually, I just don't use Twitter. It's.

You do the tweets, do you? We should follow each other and start tweeting. I think I already follow you, but whatever. Oh, it's. Oh, I'm at Sex with Emily.

Okay.

Sex with Emily. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and Menace.

Just menace. M E N A C Owens the Menace.

He's like Madonna.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah. On all social media.

Yeah. It's the benefit of living in San Francisco.

Menace. Very early adopter.

You just call and say, hey, I want this username.

Wow, that's Dude. He knows people in places that do shit. That's amazing. And then textjake.com youm guys are awesome. Thank you so much for being here.

Thanks for having us.

Thank you. Madis. Always good to see you. And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com what a great sign up. Okay, wait, oh, but, but now that you're still here, get back on the mics for a second because my final sponsor that I have to give a shout to is actually the Fleshlight.

Oh.

Oh.

Funny enough, I fucked one of you guys, right?

Exactly. So it is the number one sex toy for men and you liked it, but you thought it was too big, which I get. And they have like hundreds of different kinds. And if there's certain porn stars you like, they get their vaginas mold. You know that it's not the one that you got. Maybe, but it was engineered. It looks like it feels good, right? I mean, guys, we have hundreds of sex toys we can use. So guys have their hands. And also there's the stamina training unit. If you want to last longer in bed and you have great orgasms, your partner can use it with you, you can use it alone. It's all a good time. Check it out. Also, go to fleshlight.com use code EMILY and you get a bottle lube, because what's a flashlight without lube? Yeah, free lube. So check it out, flashlight.com. thanks, everyone for listening.

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