7 Dec 2025 · 48 min
Emily Morse and Menace discuss infidelity in the smartphone era, where iPads and Craigslist posts make cheating easier to catch. They answer listener questions about introducing oral sex, initiating more in bed, and communicating desires without fear of rejection.
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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone age. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.
A girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh, my.
Do women know about shrinkage?
Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?
Are you kidding me?
Oh, my God. Feels so good.
Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.
You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list, our blogs, which rock. My team gives you awesome blogs every day, and I love you all. Thanks for listening to the show. And I'm here with Menace.
Hello.
Hi, Menace.
How are you doing?
I'm fabulous. How are you?
What is going on with your life?
Oh, my God. So many things.
We haven't. Yeah, we haven't talked in a while, Unfortunately. Work has been crazy, so I had to get busy.
You always say that.
Cancel on you.
Yeah. You bailed on the show.
I. I know, but then I realized.
It was, like, the best show we ever had.
Oh, great. So I should leave.
No, I'm kidding.
See you later.
I missed you so much.
What the hell is going on with your holidays? Did you go anywhere for Thanksgiving?
No. Thanksgiving, I just went. No, it's sad. Cause I used to come to Michigan all the time for years. But now that. Oh, I was home for my niece's Bat Mitzvah the weekend before the Coachella. Her name's Ella, and it was a Coachella. It rocked.
Tell your brother thanks for the invite, dude.
He would have loved you there. He would have loved you to have you there. But then Thanksgiving, I was here, and I was with friends. And since Thanksgiving was like my always my family thing, it was kind of a bummer. Just the night of Thanksgiving, I was like, I miss my family. Really. But then I went away for a night, went to Malibu with my guy.
Your lover.
I love my lover. And we've actually. This is such a. You know, I always say on the show, like, you got to. It's so important for couples just to get away. We went for one night. Okay. You don't have to go to Malibu. You can go, like, to the Hilton in your town. It doesn't matter. But just getting out of your space, turning off your phone and getting away, like, it was like two full days because we drove there and it was. It was super fun and, like, romantic. It was right on the ocean. And I got to bring a lot of fun toys that we had been wanting to try that we needed.
Suitcase.
I literally brought a suitcase. It was so heavy. He lifted up. He's like, what the hell are you bringing? I'm like, there's like, a lot of flashlights in there. Bondage ties and new things.
Crazy.
The quick shot, the new flashlight. Little. I should give you one of these because you let a hand job. Yeah, you give them like a hand job. Blowjob. It's like your handy helper. That's really cool. What else did we try? Some. What did we try? That was. Oh, the. The oo by jaejoo. You know how I love Jae Joo. Obviously, they made a new product line that's just like, the Mimi, but it's like, three different products that are used the same vibrating function. I don't know. It was like. I felt kind of. He's like, really, like, we're gonna have sex. I think it kind of stressed him because when someone says, pack up, he says, bring some toys. Like, I don't know which ones. I'm a little behind.
Just bring everything.
But we had a blast. And I'm just saying that for couples who were like, yeah, we can't get away. It totally, like, bonded us. And it was a really. We've never, ever actually gone away together. So it was fun. It was good.
That's great.
Yeah, Malibu is beautiful. I hear the ocean waves, like, crashing and. Yeah, so we had sex. We ate a lot. We had fun.
That's fun.
What'd you do? It was really fun. Yeah, I just gotta get the hell out of town. I'm not good at that.
My girlfriend and I, we went to our old stomping grounds of San Francisco, and it's just crazy there. It's super.
It's so different. Super.
Yeah. And then the women that I talk to that are friends of mine there say that it's all awkward. Tech guys, you know, even more so.
That was always like that, though.
But I'm like, dude, you need to make the effort. Because, look, these are. I'm sure they're quality guys, these guys. These are guys with jobs, you know.
They could actually, like, take you out.
And take care of you and things like that. Just be aggressive. You can totally own all these dudes, you know?
It's true.
Don't let them make the move, because that's never.
They'll never happen. Well, it's never happened. You know, we've always talked about that, that women always complain that men never ask them out. And it's true. Like, men very rarely come to you and approach you and start talking to you like they do in every other city. Like, LA guys are just like, literally are the traffic light. They're like, roll down your window. And they're like, hey, what's your name?
But they're still not quality dudes.
They're not quality dudes, but San Francisco. So these guys have jobs, they're techie, and all of it is like, that hump. Like, just get over that. Like, you start talking to them. Like, I know that women are so like, I want a guy to approach me, but it's not because they don't have to. And, you know, you were a shy guy.
I was totally shy.
You still, like. I mean, your girlfriend currently she, like, you guys knew each other, but it wasn't like you asked her out. Now you're together, like, right? I mean, it just sort of happens.
Yeah.
But, yeah, it is a different world. And there's, like, traffic there now and can't live there.
Crazy. But there's a lot of Sex with Emily listeners still there.
Did you see them?
Yeah.
Were they like, hey, yo, what up, Manace?
Hey, what's up? You know, it's so weird because, you know, I do two radio shows. I do the morning radio show, the Woody show in Los Angeles, and then this show. And so I never know which show that they're listening to. Oh, when they say, hey, I love listening to the show, I'm like, okay.
Do you ask them?
Yeah, yeah, of course. I find out.
Is it usually sex with Emily?
Oh, always.
Good answer.
No, no. It's a mix between both. It's great because they both. They listen to both shows, and it's fun, you know, it's fun.
I miss it.
It's so weird to meet people. And this is the most awkward places that I listen to the podcast or I listen to the radio show. I'm like, I don't even know if anyone ever listens.
This is how I feel. And if you ever see us, because you just. We were just eating downstairs, and someone texted you or tweeted you and said yes, I think that was you sitting, having lunch, and it's like, people come say hi. It's not like. I love when people come up to me and they're like, hey, listen to your show. It's not like it happens. I mean, I'm sitting in this box all the time, and it is random. I am always surprised when people listen.
Yeah.
I'm like, thank you. How'd you hear? I give him a hug. I'm like, you know, I'm grateful. We would not be here if not for our listeners.
Thank you so much.
Thank you. I know it makes me feel really good and warm. What are you doing for the holidays?
The holidays? I'm gonna go back to San Francisco for a little bit, and then I'm gonna go to New Orleans, check it out.
Have you ever been.
It's a good time? Yeah, I've been. I love it. I went there for the Voodoo music festival a couple years back and. And absolutely love that town. Gonna go check out the French Quarter again and just turn up for a couple days, and then I'm gonna get on a boat again and I'm gonna go to, like, Mexico.
I love that you're doing this now. Traveling, seeing the world with your girlfriend. And I'm glad that you guys are really happy and healthy and together, because so many couples are breaking up right now. And I don't know if it's the holidays. I don't know. They're getting caught. Cheating.
Yeah, no, it's. It's 90% cheating on the people that I've been hearing about that are breaking up. And this is so crazy, right? And you know why?
Why?
Because men, if you're cheating, you're effing stupid. You will always get caught. Because we're not that bright on cover.
No, they're not that bright.
Women are amazing. Even though if they hate each other, it'll stick. Together they can cover their tracks. They'll never admit to anything. But, guys, you're effing stupid and you'll get caught.
Delete your shit. Like clean stuff. No, no, it's true. But the thing is, do you.
Very small percentage out there, they think they can get away with it, and maybe they can, but 90% of the time, you're gonna get caught. It's gonna blow up.
They say that, like, 50% of men cheat and like fewer percent, like 42% in relationships. And the numbers are always really high. And it hasn't changed even in the last 10 years we've been doing the show. We always hear these stats. But what I'm wondering, is it because that we're hearing so much more about it, it's easier to get caught? Because right now you leave your digital footprints everywhere. So your partner, like, logs into your Facebook. They have the password for your phone. I mean, this is where it's on your phone, on your Facebook, on your Instagram. Like, why'd you like this photo? You know, all this stuff. So I think that people are just, you know, Or I guess if you hire a hot nanny and you're sleeping, like, all these celebrities, like Ross still and Ben Affleck separate their nannies.
Allegedly on that one.
Dude.
I'm just saying there's a picture of.
Gavin Rosso with his hand on her ass.
Well, that one is not allegedly that supposedly.
Right.
They've confirmed.
You think the Ben Affleck one is allegedly.
That one's Allegedly. Yeah.
Okay.
They have. They know.
Who are you thinking about recently that just got caught cheating?
Well, I know some people personally that just got caught cheating.
Me too.
It's insane. But no, there's another thing. Or guys are getting caught like crazy because everyone is setting up their stupid icloud and connecting all Their devices.
My friend's son got.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
So that's how Gavin Rossdale got caught, because he had his iPad and all that stuff connected. So, like, all the messages are going. Your phone, Apple going to your. They're going to your iPad.
Or like, my friend's kid got it.
Crap.
Cheating message. Yeah, it's not good.
This guy I know, same thing. He left some girl at his house and he was going to work messages to his phone is going to his tablet. You know, I'm saying, like, the. The cloud is bad.
People is so confusing to me as well. Like, I don't share it. I don't have a family. But I don't know if people in my office can forget my text. I don't. I don't know. But it is very scary. This happens all the time. But also, I don't know, though, if they think that people are cheating more or there's just more ways to get caught. I mean, I feel like I've always heard about people cheating, but I just.
Think that, again, there's more ways to get caught. I think the cheating is. Well, no, maybe the cheating has been enhanced a little bit due to. Yeah, social media. There's more. You know, the grass is always greener. You see more options.
Right.
You know, thinking about before you had social media and all this stuff and online, you know, when you went to work and you went home, like, how many other people do you see? Like when you now, when you sit on your couch, you see thousands of more people, thousands of hot chicks, hot guys online and your exes. And then you can just message them at any time.
Exactly. That's what happening. And you're like on Facebook, you're like, oh, my ex, or this person is attractive. I'll just start talking to them. So, yeah, I think that. And then. So there is, in a way, I have to think that people are cheating more and there's more ways to get caught. So it's bad all around, I think. And if you're in a relationship right now and if you are listening to this and you're sitting there and you're about to like someone or send them a photo or send a message, like, take a look at your relationship and see the reason why you're doing that and why you have that impulse, and take a look inward. And I would just try to see what you can do to strengthen your relationship today, rather than seeking outward for some affirmation and validation that actually really won't make you feel good at the end of the Day. It's a quick fix for some deeper loneliness and sadness that you need to work on with yourself and your partner.
Some guy I know that just got cheated recently. He's not my friend. I just know the other side. He got busted out by his kids. His kids saw his phone, they're like, wow, he's texting a lot lately for an old guy, you know. And then they saw his phone and then ratted him out to, to the mom. And then that blew away. He got kicked out of the house. And then the other guy, I don't know how he got caught we. But he got busted too.
It's. Yeah, it's usually the phone. Well it's, it's usually is through the friggin phone. And people like if you're married you're like, yeah, give me your password. Like people, I think if you're, you're married. Does your girlfriend have a password to your phone?
Uh oh, the password to hers either. Sorry, I've been up since like 3am no we don't. It's just like we both have the attitude like dude, if somebody is going to cheat on you, they're going to cheat on you. And there's no, there's nothing that you can do to prevent it. You know, all you can do is find out about it and then, and we also have the things like hey, you don't want to be with me anymore, then let's just end it, break.
Up with them first and then go have a dalliance. But I think then some people get really excited by the idea of cheating, you know, because that's part of the thrill of it. But again, everything, all these thrills are just like cheap thrills that will fill you up temporarily. But let's. That will bring us to our sex in the news. All right. Which is actually a quite a cheating extravaganza. A woman dating my husband. A wife calls out a mistress on Syracuse Craigslist. A central New York woman is calling out her cheating husband in a post on Craigslist Syracuse website and the scornful letter is starting to go viral on Facebook to the woman dating my husband doesn't identify the author who says she lives south of Cus her spouse or the woman woman or the woman woman he's having an affair with. However, she does reveal she discovered he was cheating with multiple profiles on online dating sites. After a little bit of detective work and women are natural born detectives including Google search history and finding a receipt for un purchases from from a top store in Ciro Wherever in Syracuse. The Post then invites readers to do their own detective work to see if they can identify her soon to be ex husband, who's 56 and works as a contract contractor type and his mistress, also known as the proud new doormat for a middle aged man.
See? All right, can I.
This is the message. Yeah.
This is. What I don't like is like, guys and girls that get upset at the other girl or the other guy. Like, I don't give an F if some guy is like hooking up with my girlfriend. I'm not gonna go be mad at the guy. Like, that guy has nothing to do with.
That's the reaction.
Stupid. I absolutely hate that.
I know.
And you're an effing moron. You should be upset with your husband and who cares about this other.
Well, listen to this, people. But this is what. This is what happened to my friend today. Okay? So the following may be you or maybe multiples of you. This is what she posted. I do not know how many of you there are, so read to the end. You'll figure out if this is the guy you're dating. Perhaps one of your friends will see this and figure it out for you. You left your mascara in my husband's old vehicle. He bought a new one, newer one in late September. It was a shimmery brown cover. Girl, I think you left some clothes here too. I threw them away. You also left a bra your size, 36B. I'm a 34C. The bra stank with BO. Of course, it may be that it belongs to someone else after all his dating profiles. Ourtime.com and match.com show that he was horn dog in over a 120 mile radi.
Like, oh, look, I'm so much better than you. Blah, blah. Do you know what? He. She was still hooking up with your husband. So what does that say about you? You're just making yourself look stupid.
Well, it says the letter was posted Saturday.
Am I right, guys?
Yeah. No, it is. No, what I'm saying is it's kind.
Of like I'm trying to keep myself awake right now.
They feel so violated and they feel so attacked. I mean, they. I mean, they feel that their first thing, their first reaction is just to attack and to reach out.
Attack your husband. Don't. Who gives an F about some skank?
I know, but this is. This is what people do right away. Like when you wait 10 minutes for sending a text. Yeah. When you're angry is not the time to do these kind of things. You will regret It.
I'm angry.
And it keeps going. Wait, wait, wait. What is this part of he'll use you up? The original post reveals a couple's getting divorced, and the author says she's taking half the money from everything he owned over 15 years.
Basically, she says now.
Oh, sorry.
Hi.
Hi, Madison.
Basically, she says that now she's gonna divorce him. I don't think they were on the divorce track before. It's kind of like now that I know, because she found his dating profiles, and she found this girl's lip or this girl's mascara that she left in the car, and she found her bra, and she.
But the next post says, he'll use you up. He's a selfish lover. He's a spendaholic, and it's likely he'll revert to booze. His financial decisions will drive you into bankruptcy. He's done it twice. His family will hate you. They're weird. You'll see. He has a tendency to do incredibly stupid stuff. If you're a real, actually nice person that has been duped, just know that he's gotten very good at lying. He's a lot of fun. He's a great cook and a great talker. He's just trying to get laid. Or worse, he's courting you as the next Mrs. Knowing that my divorce will leave him very, very financially screwed.
Yeah, but I don't think that she was planning to divorce him before. I think now she's saying, like, we're getting a divorce, and he's not gonna have any money, so he's probably courting you because he knows that, like, if we. If he wants to divorce me, he's not gonna get anything.
That's great. But, like, if you really want to get back at this chick.
I know.
Then don't tell him all this. Don't tell her all this stuff. Let her find out for herself.
Yeah, but it's so much sweeter.
You just look like a crazy biatch.
No, I'm. Don't.
That's what I'm gonna say.
That in her mind, she's gonna wait for this woman to suffer.
What? Are you watching that? I mean, when you're reading that online, are you thinking, oh, yeah, you know, girl?
No, I'm on. You're thinking, like, I'm not saying that at all.
Is that everyone else was like, yeah, you go, girl. Because everyone loves that idea of sweet revenge. But let me tell you, it does not last. Like, it might feel good at first to put somebody on blast, but long term, it does come back to you. And I think at the end, she kind of pulls back and is like, you know what? Like, maybe you're a good person. Maybe you got duped. And that's more respectable than being like, you smell. You have B.O. i found your bra and your cheap mascara in the car. Because that just comes off as petty.
Yeah, petty. That happens, right? Right. My boobs are bigger. And then there was the one in England that said, a jilted lover bought a billboard sign that said, to my cheating husband, Paul, you deserve each other. When you get home, I won't be here. Enjoy your drive to work, Lisa. A big billboard.
I love that.
Crazy.
There was something over the weekend that was traveling all over Facebook. I think they sounded like they were Australian. I couldn't figure out, but this guy made this whole 15 minute video. He was building it up as if he was gonna propose to the chick, but he's like, I actually knew that she was cheating on me for, like a month, right? And he goes, yeah, you know, I found out through Facebook. And she was sending all these. All these messages and, like, naked photos and all this stuff to this guy. And then. So the whole. The whole video is like this whole build up of, like, candles everywhere and, you know, all these, like, gifts and, like, rose petals on.
And he, like, sent it to her.
No, no, she, like, sitting down. And he's like, oh, yeah, I want you to read this. I don't want to read that. And then he goes, oh, yeah, here, read this final poem. And then she reads the final poem and it rhymes. And then at the end of the rhyme, it goes, who the F is such and such, man.
People are. I couldn't do.
He goes, all right, well, I'll see you later. And then he just left.
Oh, my God, that's.
It was hilarious. See, like, I don't know. I think that one was kind of cool.
Dude, why can't a guy do it? That's not cool. He said they're creatively, like, crafted something.
Yeah, yeah, but, like, he just, like, ended it right there. You know, he didn't, like, talk. He didn't, like, attack.
The other guy because he put it on YouTube.
Dude, that's the same thing.
No, it's not, because he wasn't attacking the other person. He was just saying, like, how crappy the person that he was dating.
The whole thing.
This one. This is the thing. My whole point was you attacking the. The person that's, like, cheating with your significant other. That is so stupid. Yeah, that guy wasn't Doing that.
People do all these kind of things when they, you know, they're like, how can I, like show them that I know? Like, how can I like create this whole plan to, to either confront his, his suit to be ex or for, you know, the whole thing's. Just keep it in, keep it in with it between the two of you and then both of you have to go into therapy. That's what I think. But. All right, that's not air. Dirty laundry. Okay, we can do some emails. All right, all right, so enough of that. Cheat. But who. But okay, forget it. I'm gonna keep going.
Okay?
Just. I hope everyone learned here that you should just work it out in your relationship or leave. Go to therapy. Everyone. Every couple needs therapy after a while. They really do.
Are you serious?
Everyone. You do on your own too?
Therapy.
Everyone does? Yeah.
You don't, you don't know anything about my relationship. How do you think that that's why need therapy? No, you need therapy. You're the one, dude. You can't commit.
I've committed. Yeah.
How long? All right, what are we on day? What?
It's not days.
I'm just saying.
I've committed. I've committed. You've met my committed peoples.
Yeah.
I don't like you.
It's all good.
Yeah, A few months. Things are great.
You gotta move in with somebody. It's so much fun cohabitating.
Ah, you love it.
I love cohabitating. It's fun.
Let me ask you a question though, Menace.
All right.
Are you getting enough?
Always.
Bet you'd love more though, right?
Who doesn't?
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They're always hooking it up with gifts, aren't they?
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Eve's been around for quite a while. You know, they don't stick around for quite a while because they're terrible at what they do, you know. So check it out.
They've been around forever. Yeah, Check it out. They've got everything. And actually, if you want some last minute gifts right now, I think they have, like, shipping, and they'll get it to you, like, tomorrow. You know, gift shopping, the whole thing. People. Everyone's all freaked out about gifts. I'm so glad I'm Jewish.
Don't you still have to do gifts?
Oh, yeah.
It's like small gifts, right?
Well, kind of.
How's it work?
Break it down for us in the Jewish. The Jewish people, the Jewish religion. We just. No, you know, the thing is, we have Hanukkah. And the thing about Hanukkah is it's. At least in my family, it's for children. Like, you light the menorah every night, and then your family. Then you get one gift. Everyone's like, oh, my God, you get eight gifts. Is it eight nights? Alyssa got seven.
Eight crazy nights.
Or isn't it seven and then they eat, like, eight nights? Something like that. I should know. But. And then every night when you're a kid, you get, like, a gift. But, like, some people get, like, big gifts, you know. And I've had parents, like, socks, like, day two, which is fine. Not complaining. But really, it's a holiday for children and their families. But it's not like. But I'm not saying you want gifts. I'm not saying. No, I know. But I'm saying right now, whether you're Jew, whatever religion you are. Yes. If you're with somebody, you know, I would get them a present, and maybe they'd get me a present. Typically, I'm trying to think what I'm doing. I haven't really thought about it yet, but I don't care. I'm not, like, gift oriented, but that's how it works. And I don't think that adults. Let's say two Jewish people who are dating right now, I don't know that they give each other eight gifts. Adults do that, but if I'm wrong, let me know. I think it's more for kids.
You better find out.
I should know this. But, Alyssa, what do you think? Do you know people who are adults and do eight nights? Isn't it for kids? I know. Light the candle assistant Alyssa. Yeah, you light the candle. But you're not like, here's a gift. Right, but gifts are important. Like, you know, get your love or something. And I think you should get them something sexy. I really do. People don't get enough sex toys for their partner sex life. You gotta get them a night away. Like a sexy night away. That was big. I don't care if you go to.
The Motel 6 Hotel tonight. The app, I always promote it.
Oh, is that a good one?
It's a good app. Get a good deal on a hotel.
Okay, well, not a sponsor.
They should be.
Not a sponsor. Not a sponsor. Okay, so let's read some emails because we love hearing from you. Feedbackexwithemily.com and thank you for including your name and where you're listening from and how you listen in your email. Hi, Emily. Me and my boyfriend have just become very open with discussing sex and potentially trying new things together. We have both said things we have done in the past, and I asked if you wanted to try anything new. He said no. He felt like he had tried everything he'd wanted to. How can I get him to see it would be different with a new partner? Thank you, Steph. Okay, Steph, awesome that you guys are opening up together, but I think that if you just ask him directly, like, he probably hasn't thought about it. So here's the thing about sex questions. We're always telling people to, you know. And I do believe that communication with your partner is the most important thing you can do. And he probably, when you said that, maybe he thought to himself, you know, I'm good. I'm good. Like, I don't want you to think that I want more from you. And our sex life is great because men and women, you know, we tend to not really communicate that directly about things. So the conversation, like, did not go where you wanted it to go. And he might be more open than you think, but he didn't know, like, what. You know what I'm saying, how confusing things can be. She's like, did you want. Okay, so if we're dating, I'm like, honey, do you want to try anything new? Like, you could. Yeah, I want to do this, this, and this. Yeah, it could go both ways. I could be like, what, you don't think I'm doing enough in bed? So he just said, no, I'm cool. I'm good. Right? So it's like, you know, it's not that he probably doesn't care. He probably just didn't have anything, like, on his mind to say. So I think that she has to approach it a different way and say, like, what? You know, I love our sex life. Is there anything that you know, you want to try? Here's what I'm thinking would be really fun rather than just putting it on him.
Yeah. Because if it's a guy, it's probably something over the top that he doesn't want to share.
That's true too.
That's why you're like, oh yeah, I definitely want to try like two other chicks with us, you know. Foursome.
Yeah, threesome. Foursome. Threesome, exactly. So I think that it's important too to keep expanding your sex life and trying new things. And instead of like relying on him to just say something, you know, you could just say like, you know, be so fun. Let's go shopping to a sex toy store together. Like, let's watch porn together. Let's talk about our fantasies. Do the bucket list. I love the bucket list. Have you ever done the bucket list?
The sexual bucket list.
Each write down three things you want to try so then you can control it. He's not going to say like, I want to have a gang bang, maybe as number one. And you can write things that, you know, I think it'd be really cool to try you up. Or if you gave me a blow job every day when I came home from work or whatever it is.
Yeah.
And then you guys can exchange that together, you know. And also.
She also said, because the thing is that she said to him is that, do you, is there anything that you, if you want anything new. And he's like, no, I'm cool, I've done enough. But you know, what about like what she wants to try? So you know, she just needs to frame it in a different way. It's not about things he doesn't want to do, it's about like things that she wants to do. So obviously Steph has things that she wants to try. So her needs are important too. And that you know, that she needs to say like, let's, like let's talk about our sex life. This could be really fun. And again, you gotta. It's all about tone. Keeping it positive, keeping it light. And you don't have the conversation in the bedroom.
And so what you're basically saying is communication is lubrication.
It's true.
Saying that for 10 friggin years.
But it's so true because you're not gonna get anywhere. And the other mistake that a lot that. And I'm glad that Steph emailed because I think that it doesn't always happen the first time. Like, it's not. Like, if you've never talked about sex and the first time you bring it up might not go your way. You might get shut down. And it's such a vulnerable thing to bring up that she might feel like, oh, God, I'm not gonna bring up. No. He just didn't get what you were saying. Keep going, keep asking, keep probing. And then you're like, sex life will expand, which is very, very important. Okay. Oral sex. You know, I love this topic.
All about it.
I'm 25 and a new fan from Los Angeles. I've been listening to your show for a few months, and I love it. Keep it up. My question is this. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years now. Sex is amazing. My only issue is that she's not into oral sex, giving or receiving. In the beginning, I thought it was something she would warm up to with time, but I don't think so. Talked to her about it, and she says she's. She said the idea of one's mouth in someone's private area is not something she finds attractive. I convinced her to let me go down her once, but she was too uptight and nervous about it to let herself enjoy it. I tried everything to get her to relax, and I'm always doing everything possible to make her feel sexy and wanted. I feel like oral sex is something I want in my sex life, and I'm having difficulty picturing the rest of my life without it. I've talked to her about it, but is there any tips you can give me to help explain to her how important it is to get her to see it from my point of view? Communication and everything else in our relationship is great, but this causes me to rethink the relationship. Would it be stupid for me to break up over this? Thank you, Emily Jo.
No, Joe. Break up. It's just gonna be a constant argument for the rest of your relationship.
No, he has to approach it in the right way. I do believe that if she's like, he tries everything and he's never gonna get blowjobs for the rest of his life, you might want to end it. But we're not there yet, so I wouldn't call, you know, quits right now because everything else in the relationship is going well, and things are great, and so she might just have. She's never experienced oral sex before. I'm just joking. I know you are, but it might come to that. But I broke up with someone because that wasn't the only reason, really, You've heard this story. The guy I dated is like, no, I'm just not into it. I'm like, not into you, but see ya. Yeah, well, he's like, I'm just not into giving it. I'm like.
And I give you the best of your life. Like, you're not in. Like, I can't convince you. Some guys just don't like tomatoes. Not gonna make them like tomatoes. So there's a lot of reasons why people like develop these blocks with oral sex. And she probably like, she thinks it's wrong, it's dirty, it's uncomfortable. She's never felt that before. And if this is what you build up in your mind, him trying a few times is not gonna be the thing that's gonna get her, you know, to like it. So. Or to even enjoy it. Cause she's very self conscious. Like women have all these, you know, we even in their 20s. 20s. You're like, oh, does he want to do that? Does he want to be there? You know, was he into it? So you do make her feel sexy and wanted, you said, which I like.
Start with facials, baby steps, just come.
All over her face and call it a day.
See what she says, right?
Maybe that's what she's into. You don't know until you try it. Sometimes a fantasy, just something like that just hit you over your head. You're like, oh my God, my whole life I've wanted facials.
Yeah, maybe she's like into earplay, like other holes.
Earplay can feel really good. There's a lot of nerve endings in the ear. Would you stick his penis in the air?
No, sorry. I was just thinking about when I was doing a radio show in San Francisco. We got back from nightclub and this guy, he like got this girl's phone number and she wanted like come over and like hook up with him. And he's like, this is gonna mess around. And he's like, can I stick it in your ear? And she's like, yeah, you can.
Oh my gosh.
People are so crazy.
People are crazy. They're like, whatever you want, babe. I'll be over. Oh my God. That's a good sext. I love that one. I'm gonna try that. But what would I stick in someone's ear? Well, I have a lot of things stick in an ear, so this is how you have to. This is the thing though. This sexual satisfaction thing, obviously is a two way street. And he's not getting blow jobs either.
Yeah.
So she's Uncomfortable all around. There's a lot of work here. But I think what you need to start with is the oral sex on her first. And so, like, if he's like, just go down on me. Go down on me. Like, she's like, yeah. He's like, blow me, baby. She's gonna be like, what are you even talking about? So I don't believe in ultimatums, but you have to let her know, like, how much it would, you know, turn on to let her pleasure herself. Maybe you guys could start with the mutual. Mutual masturbation. Do you know if she even masturbates? Do you know that she knows how to touch herself? What makes herself feel good? It just sounds like you guys need to kind of enhance the intimacy. And maybe what I would recommend joining is you start with some massaging. Now, you don't. When people say, like, oh, I don't have a table, I don't. You don't need to be a professional masseuse to sit down, like, use a massage candle, use massage oil, and just, like, make her feel very comfortable and start caressing her body, turning her on, spending a lot of time on all those. Like, our whole body is like an erotic zone, basically. There's just, like, her back, right? And, like, getting her comfortable. And then you can easily move down there and, you know, start.
All else fails. Why I sell my friend.
What'd you say? YSL. See, that's kind of true. YSL.
Yeah.
Do you know there's this red YSL clutch I want so bad?
Really?
It's like $1,500.
Oh, that's.
Might be 2,200. Yeah. I'm not gonna spend that on a purse or shoes. Maybe one day when. Yeah, things happen in my life. No, I think I'd still feel bad. You could, like, feed homeless people and stuff. Okay, so, also, again, I don't believe in ultimatums, but you gotta keep addressing it and just, again, bring it up once again, it sounds like you've got to break down some of these barriers. And if she had any trauma growing up, which we don't know about either, she might need therapy. Again, I'm just saying. I don't know how much they've talked about this, but again, if she's like, no, no, no, no, no. And you keep trying, you don't have to live without blowjobs. You don't?
No.
Do you agree? Wouldn't you hate a world without blowjobs?
I mean, it depends on how much I like the girl.
And how much do you not like her?
I mean, I absolutely love blowjobs, but, you know, sometimes you're gonna have to look past that if you found something really, really cool.
Right? But sounds like overall, like, it can't.
Be just an end all. Be all. Like, what about if this is an amazing person I love hanging out with and have so much fun, and they just don't do this one thing, right?
He could just get a bunch of flashlights and different. There's so many different flashlights that he could get. Each one is like a different vagina.
If they're, like, kind of like, okay person to hang out with all the time, and they're not, like, the best person ever and they don't give blow jobs, then you know what time to.
Contemplate, you know, if they suck as a human around. So, yeah, it's all communication, people. At the end of the day, I.
Could just say that, you know, but.
The sex is important.
The sex is important.
And I worry about couples who say, you know what? We're just best friends, and I don't need any more sex. It's fine. I have a friend who said that to me, and she's no longer with her. Just saying. She said to me years ago, she goes, I don't need any more sex. I've had enough sex. I was like, I'm kind of concerned here. Really? Are you sure? She's like, yeah, we don't need it. No, they are no longer together. You can't just be friends. If you just. If you stop having sex in your relationship, then you and you live together and you're not having sex. Even if you're married, you're roommates. You need the sex, the exchange of fluids, the whole thing. Blow jobs. Okay. How to be a sex goddess. Emily. I'm 27 years old, and my boyfriend is 39. We've been together for about 3.5 years. We have a very exciting and exploratory sex life. He's a perfect combination of affectionate and dirty. I would say our only issue is my lack of initiation participation in the bedroom. I give him the credit for most of that. He says that he knows I'll let him do whatever he wants to me, but he wants me to do what I want to him, which is 100% understandable. I came out of a very unhealthy marriage wherein I was treated more like a fleshlight product than a human partner. This is where my crappy intimacy comes to play. I truly forget to kiss and be in the moment with him, even though all day long I think about it. He is a God inside, and he's a God inside and outside the bedroom. Any advice how to turn into that goddess for him? Taylor. Oh, Taylor, this is a really good question. I think a lot of women can relate to wanting to feel super sexy and take charge of the bedroom, but when it all comes down to it, it's kind of hard to get that going. So it sounds like you guys are in a really healthy relationship. Satisfying. And a lot of women have a hard time being the disheater of the bedroom. In fact, we hear this from men a lot, that women should be.
They need to be.
They need to be. Not every time.
Do it.
Not every time. But I think that, you know, first of all, working through your past, I wonder if you. I'm not sure if you went right from your past relationship to your current relationship, because there might still be some issues there that you have to work out. But don't put so much pressure on yourself to all of a sudden become the ultimate goddess porn star right away. You can build up to the sex God status. So, you know, try something new. You know, try one thing new at a time. Like, let yourself get comfortable. Let yourself figure out what makes you feel sexy. I mean, when you're like, do you masturbate? I hope that you do, because that's a great time for you to watch porn. Come up with fantasies. Envision yourself doing these things to them that you might want to try. And it's a great way to get ideas, too. Watching porn, reading books, listening to erotica, and figure out, wow, that would really be hot. And then you just try it. And yes, the first time you try something new, even initiating, you're gonna have these. Just think about. Anytime you try something new, you'll be thinking, is this weird? This is awkward. But he's gonna respond. He's told you this is what he wanted. And you'll probably positively reinforce and you'll keep going. But it's really good to push ourselves in this way. And it's people. We just spend our lives so many times trying to avoid things that scare us and when it's actually how we grow. So it could be like, sexy lingerie. Maybe there's something that you like to wear in the house that, like, you look in the mirror and you're like, ah, I feel super hot in this. You know, make a list, like, think about these things. And then, like, plan a seduction with him. Send him a text early in the day or something. Say, like tonight. And then you're already locked in what if she says to him, like, tonight, I'm gonna, you know, wait till you get home, and I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be waiting here for you in this sexy thing. I bought whatever it is. And then you already. You're in. You set it. He gets home, there's the anticipation building. And then all you have to do then is just, like, being your thing, whatever you said you were gonna do. Maybe you're in the bath, I don't know. And then you start the sexual. That's a great way to do it. Write it out. It comes home, you know, and then just keep thinking about these thoughts. It's so true that whatever we think becomes our reality. So the more that you start thinking about sex, masturbating, watching, reading, looking, whatever does it to you, it'll be in your mind and you'll start to get these ideas. But right now, it's just overwhelming to you because you want to be successful at it, and you just got to start doing your research, and it's fun.
Do you notice, like, 90% of the feedback we always get is. I mean, that we always give. It's. You have to talk to your partner.
Yes.
That's why it's funny how, like, people are brave enough to email the show, ask, like, this very personal question, but.
They won't talk to the partner about it.
But they won't talk to. I know. It's a. It's a safe zone here on the sex.
We are in a safe place.
It's a safe place, and you should continue sending those emails. But also, you got to think to yourself when you're listening to the show, like, don't be afraid to talk to your partner. Just somebody that you. That you love or somebody that you're with constantly. And, I mean, what's the worst that's going to happen?
I think we all have this really deep fear of being unlovable and being rejected. And that's why I think so many people, when it comes down to this very, very vulnerable place of asking for what we want or, you know, pleasing our partner or being, like, sexually really open, we're so afraid of being shot down. And we have that fear when we're walking in work, in life, wherever we go. I think that's what holds people back. So. Yeah, and it's true. It is. If you're listening right now and there's something that you're like, God, I really want to talk to my partner about it. I'm just gonna tell you, do it tonight. Just do it. Just, like, do it. There's no. I mean, obviously not in an angry way. The tone matters, but just, like, try to say something new over the holidays to your partner that's like loving in a loving way, but that you want to try. Expand your sex life this year. At the end of the year, you have two weeks left. Two weeks left.
Do it.
But you're right. I always find that interesting where I'm like, people are like, it's been 20 years, and I still don't know if she's ever had an orgasm. We're, like, really interesting.
You could have just asked her.
You could have asked her, but you could ask me. And I'm gonna tell you I don't know.
Cause I haven't met her and she said no. Well, how can we fix that?
Right? We have a lot of people minus, though. We do. And I'm glad that we, you know, provide the service. So that's what we got time for. Oh, we do have one more.
Oh, really?
Madison says so.
All right. She's grooming.
It's about grooming, which has always been one of my favorite subjects.
Grooming downstairs.
Yeah.
Guy or girl?
Girl from a girl. Dear Emily, I love your work. Thank you. I listen to your show. My podcast app. I'm 48 years old, separated eight years and dating a new man. My husband was my very first and only boyfriend who I met when I was 15. So the man I'm dating is the second man I've ever slept with. I make time to see him in his place once a week, occasionally twice a week. My question is, how do men feel about pubic area stubble? This is interesting. Not hair, but stubble. I love being very well groomed, rarely get red bumps. But if I'm seeing my man on Friday and Saturday, repetitive shaving in such a small time frame causes irritation. Can I go a visit without shaving? Obviously, we are having sex each time we're together. Our relationship is still in that phase. Yeah. And I hope it remains there, Kelly. I hope so, too. It will remain there if you want to do public. Yeah. What do you think about. Whoa, I just went through puberty. What do you think about stubble? Pubic area, Stubble.
Let me tell you how many F's guys. Guys give zero. You just would rather they don't care. The only thing they do care about is, like, if you're extremely hairy down there.
Right.
That is it. Like, if you have stubble, hey, it might suck, but you know what? A guy's still gonna have sex with you. I'M sorry, they're not thinking about it. They're not thinking like, oh, she has a lot of stubble down there. No guys thinking that.
Right?
I'm sorry. End of story.
They're not thinking that. But if he goes down in her, it could give him some. You know, it's like, girl, he's still gonna do it. He's still gonna do it. But here's the thing, Kelly. There's so many solutions to this now with, like, modern day, like, hair removal. I just want to say that, like, first of all, he's probably not irritated by your stubble at all. I'm sure it's totally fine. But if you, you know, and you're secure with it, it's fine. And there's so many ways to get rid of these bumps. So here's the thing. Use a news razor, use a new razor. Exfoliate first, and don't go over the same area twice. If you miss a spot, go with the hair growth the second time around. You can also use aloe vera or tanned skin, which gets rid of the bumps. That's very important. Waxing. You can do a waxing at home kit which lasts five weeks.
Be careful with that. You can burn yourself.
No, I did it, like, in high school. And now they're so much better now.
Even the Kardashians, they burnt themselves.
Yeah. Because the cameras are rolling and they probably forgot that the wax was on. Who knows? They're probably checking their. Their makeup in the mirror. And then she had stuff on her badge and then she ripped it off.
Why is women always cutting down other women?
I'm just saying, the Kardashians are not a reason to not.
You guys are so catty. It's ridiculous.
And so that's another way that's so easy. Just go to the store and you buy it and experimented with some of these things. Yeah. Waxing kits. And then it said. What else here? Yeah, I think if you.
Yeah, if you. If you. Yeah, but if you miss, like a day or two, three, like a guy just not gonna care.
I don't think, like, you're awfully stubble. You've got the three.
He goes down there and it's the effing rainforest, Then he's gonna be like, whoa. I mean, he's still gonna have sex with you. No, but he's gonna be like. Then he will be thinking his head like, oh, wow. I hope they don't see that again.
Exactly. Right. No, I know. I think you're fine, but I think.
It'S not the 70s guys, right?
And I think that most women do remove a lot of my hair right now. Good.
But I know there's, like, some movement out there. I'm like, hey, the bush.
They're gonna bring the bush back.
Yeah. Like, hey, go for it. But I'm not gonna have sex with you.
That's why I only removed laser hair, removal the sides, because I was like, what if I want to grow the bush?
Yeah. I don't know if it comes back.
If the bush came back and I couldn't grow hair, what would I do? I would be.
I know. You'd be so out of style.
I know, exactly. So now I'm all good down there. Now I'm super fashionable. I could get a merkin.
Very popular.
I had a friend text me recently. You know, I get texts all the time from just friends. Like, random.
She's like, all day long.
Where can I get a merkin? In San Francisco?
I was like, explain a merkin.
A merkin is a. It's like a wig for your pubic area.
Really?
Yeah.
A lot of celebs use them, like, when they're doing nude scenes. Like, Kristen Wiig was just named Mr. Skins, like, one of the top 10 celebrity nude scenes, and she wore a merkin for it to, like, hide her actual lady.
Bitch should have just got physical. Is it fajazzled? Is that what it's called?
Oh, my God. Fajazzled, Remember? Yeah.
Bring that back.
The vagazzling. When you get, like, little rhinestones in your vagina, in your pubic hair. Yeah. There's so much you can do. But, Kelly, I like that they're having great sex and hope it lasts. And don't worry about the stubble. We're all good.
Don't worry.
Okay. Love you, Madison. Good time, Good show. Me too. Thank you, Madison. Thank you, Alyssa. Thank you, everybody, for being you.
Oh, don't forget, wherever you're listening to this show.
Rate it, review it. I mean, if you want to give it five stars, that'd be great. If you get one star, Emily's gonna cry. But if that's how you feel, go ahead.
Yeah, I'm cool with that. Or, you know what? If you have a problem, send us feedback, too.
And then always, if you email the show, how do you Listen? On iTunes, sexelmy.com or any other place. Podcast 1. Whatever you listen to it, let us know. Fake name. If you want a fake name or.
Real name, you can fake it with us.
Yeah, it's the only place. Let us know where you're listening from. It's so cool. Like, you know, we get from all over the world. It's so awesome.
Australians. We've got so many Australians this year. That was a big part of 2015. That's not a new Australian audience. Yep. We love you. Hello, down under, all you peoples. We love you. And that's true. Yeah. Rate us. What else do you want to do? We want you to, like, oh, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. It's all sexwithemily. Facebook.com sexwithemily we do good things in there. We're not, like, doing.
Yeah, you have, like, this whole, like, team now.
I know I can love my team. So it's awesome. We give you really good information, really good information to improve your sex life. So support us and follow us and message us and, you know, don't, don't cheat on us, though. Please don't cheat on us.
What else out there? I don't even know.
Nothing. We're actually the only people talking about sex on the planet, which is so cool. I cornered the market. I know. It's really cool. It feels really good about that. Thank you very much. Okay, thank you. And thank you, everyone. I love you all. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.
But there's one more thing I have to tell you, Emily and Tony. Down under comfort is a great time. Is a great time of year to make sure that you don't have anything sweaty. Your balls, your breasts, your back, anything like that. It is comfortable. Keeps your intimate areas dry, comfortable, fresh, clean, and ready for action any time. If you use baby powder, talcum powder, anywhere in your body, throw it away and buy some down under comfort because you can use it anywhere on your body. It prevents sweat stains and chafing and that not so fresh feeling which I know y' all have. So you know, we all have that sometimes. So check it out. Go to emilyandtoni.com use code EMILY for 20% off your first order. And also speaking of sex and intimate areas, let's talk about your penis for a minute. Permecent wants to help you have the best sex ever and last as long as you want. Because a lot of people just don't last as long as they want to. In the bedroom, there is an orgasm gap. Women take between 20 to 4 minutes, orgasm 20 to 40 minutes, and men sometimes like 6 to 8 minutes. Or maybe you just last a minute. Premature ejaculation. In fact, promescent is the only treatment for premature ejaculation. And it's a quickly absorbing delay spray. You just use it once, you wait a few minutes, you have sex, it's fine. It will double the amount of time you last in bed. So check out promescent. That's promescent.com, p R O M E S C E N T. Thanks for listening.
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