The F'ING Truth with Carsie Blanton

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean?

Like Laundry. It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

My God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. Well, you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can easily listen to all of our podcasts. You can also download them, like, everywhere. Now you got them on Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify. What's the latest one? Oh, iHeartRadio. So thank you everyone for checking them out and reviewing them. And also follow me on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter. It's all sexwithemily. And we're actually this. Today's a very special show. There's some firsts on the show today, which I'm very excited about, and we're gonna be doing an Instagram live of it and have a video. And I just love hearing from all of you. Happy October, you guys. I know that October is all about the buildup towards Halloween and you're probably already planning your costume and experiencing Halloween all month long. Why not? And so we're going to do a special contest this month because I love giving you guys some amazing things that will help your relationships and your sex life. So for October giveaway, I want to know your best tricks or treats. So for example, you can let me know you've got this sexy trick, that this trick works every time in the bedroom. It's your best sex move. It works for you. Maybe it's a masturbation sexy trick or with your partner. And then you're also. You can let me know about a treat. Is there any, like, bedroom accoutrements or toys or lingerie that's like your favorite sex treat? So just email us feedbackexwithelmy.com we'll be picking some winners and we'll be publishing it on our site. And just make sure that you email us by November 1st, feedbackexwithelmy.com with the subject Halloween in the title. I'm really excited for you guys to meet Carsey Blanton. She's a cool chick.

I'm so excited.

We just met in person. I know. I'm so thank you for stopping your busy life right now to come here for an hour or two. Right?

Oh, my gosh. It is my pleasure.

What's going on? Even on the road you're traveling? Yep, yep.

On the road, doing a tour of the west coast and then doing a bunch of Publicity stuff in between for this game I invented. So I've got the music and the game and it's all just happening all at once.

Yeah. Okay. So Carsey has sexy music and a sexy game that we're gonna be playing on the show, which you're gonna learn a lot, probably about me and a lot more about me, believe it or not, that you've ever learned about my sex life with this game. And some of my team members are gonna be on here and Carsi as well, and we're gonna have you. So, Carson, you said you travel a lot and you came here for the day, which I love. And I've been traveling a lot, and sometimes I forget to eat.

Yes.

Has that ever happened to you?

It does.

You get snacks and stuff.

Either I forget or I don't. I feel like I don't have time and then I end up buying, like, twenty dollar, like, sandwich at the airport.

Exactly. Airport food. Have you ever bought airport sushi? That's just never.

I literally bought it today.

You did.

I ate it for breakfast and I regretted it the whole time.

Exactly. I've done that as well. And I. And I just got back from Hawaii. I was on this ret, it came back, and luckily now I've discovered Thrive. Have you heard of Thrive Market?

I have heard of Thrive Market.

Okay. It's kind of like all the. I mean, I hope it's all the rage right now. I feel like people keep saying I've heard of it.

Everyone's talking about it.

Yeah, it's great. And so they're amazing. I'm completely obsessed with them. I'm gonna tell you more about them in a little bit, but. And I discovered a new life hack. Like, I knew that. I love them because they deliver. Like, you said you like these bunnies.

I love cheddar bunnies.

You're like, you got the cheddar bunnies. Yeah. And we always have snacks in the office. I'm not hangry anymore. But I'm gonna tell you some more things about it when we. A little bit.

Can't wait.

I know. Okay, so. Me neither. So, Carsi. And feel free to dig into the. The bunnies or the ginger snaps. I'm such a crunching on the mic. Exactly. We don't mind, you guys, because we're so real and authentic. Right. So we don't care about that. Okay. Carsi, I find you fascinating.

Oh, I find you fascinating.

Thank you. Well, look at this. A mutual fascination. Society.

Yes.

But we've been, you know, I've read your Blogs and listening to your music and stuff. So tell me. Tell me how you got into this world of all the things that you're doing. Great parents. Where'd you grow up?

Really cool parents.

Yeah.

As I was mentioning earlier, my dad is a therapist who wrote a book called Radical Honesty. So I know some of your listeners might be familiar with it. So he's into, like, open communication and lots of talk about sex. In my household growing up, like, maybe too much.

Not really really.

But so I. You know, I grew up being really comfortable with talking about subjects that are often taboo, and I think that informs my songwriting, and it also informs all of my many side projects, including this game that I made up called the Effing Truth.

Yeah, we're gonna get it into the game. I'm excited to play that. I actually played it with my staff yesterday. We were just testing it out, and it was like, I learned so much about my staff that I never. They've been working. Jamie's been working with me for over two years, and then I was saying things. We had a great conversation. So that is very interesting.

Amazing.

And I love that it opens up a dialogue, which we're gonna get into that. A lot of times, people email me. They're like, how do we talk to our kids about sex? How do we raise them in a home where they feel comfor about sex? And, you know, I feel like that a lot of kids, it's hard for them to hear their parents talk about sex. They're like, kids, parents. Like, am I failing them? What do I do? And I think we just don't really want to hear it from our parents. But yet the schools are failing us. What was it like growing up in your household?

Well, it was funny. I mean, my household was pretty unusual in a lot of ways. One of them being it was. It was like a retreat center for my dad's workshops that he would. That he leads. He leads group therapy workshops still. He's in his 70s now.

Wow.

So he led these radical honesty workshops where all these people would get together and talk about their lives and, you know, be kind of brutally honest with each other.

Wow. Were you there, like, playing blocks or something?

Literally, yes. I was, like, playing Legos in the room while people would be, like, crying and talking about their childhoods and stuff. And so I think that had pros and cons, but one of the pros was that I don't get easily spooked by people bringing up subjects that are sometimes uncomfortable. So, you know, things that are taboo for other people. Feel easy to talk about for me, because I think I got it. I got all of my nervousness, like, burnt off at a young age.

Well, that's great, because a lot of us do just don't learn how to confront, how to communicate. I mean, it can be so stifling for a lot of people. So if you've got an issue with someone, not even just sex, but you're just like, hey, let's talk about this problem. You could even confront me after the show, and it wouldn't stress you out. You'd be like, emily, something came up in the middle of the show. I want to talk to you about it. That really is a good skill to have. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, more or less. I have nervousness about stuff like that, too. But I do think, especially, like, I'm maybe more comfortable confronting people, but even more than that, I'm really comfortable, like, learning intimate details about people's lives and sharing intimate details about my life. Like, that doesn't even feel like a confrontation to me. That just feels like, oh, everybody's kind of doing the same stuff, so I might as well be open about it. So I think that's. That's an approach that I've taken in a lot of different areas of my life.

Like, normalizing.

Yeah.

Like sex. Or just not even having secrets, really. Being authentically being yourself.

Yes.

Which is what you talk about a lot in your songs, your blogs. And I like the way you wrote about women who like sex.

Oh, yeah. Thought you might like that one.

Yeah, I did. Not just because there was sex in the title. I read other things as well. But I think you have a lot of great advice there for women, because I think it just is so confusing growing up. I mean, I don't think a lot has changed, like, even since I was a kid, about women understanding that sex is about pleasure and their bodies and taking the time to figure all that out. So we talk about that a lot of the show. So I like that, you know, you said women like sex just as much as men. Cause I still think this comes up that women assume, or a lot of women and men assume that men are the ones who want sex all the time and that women do and that women should be ashamed for it. Right. It doesn't mean that they necessarily want to have sex with you just because they would like sex. Right. So be comfortable talking about sex. So how did you come up with this? Is this in your life? Were you, like, always saying, like, I love sex? And the guys were like, hey, baby, you're like, no, not with you.

Kind of. I mean, it's funny because that blog post came out a few years ago and that was kind of my first. First. It was my first really direct acknowledgement of the stuff that I had been implying in my songwriting for a long time. So I had a lot of songs that sort of were a little bit sexy or talked about sex a little bit in a, you know, as innuendo. And that was the first time I was like, hey, everybody, like, let's talk about what's really going on here, which is I'm a young woman who's expressing my sexuality and I get a few different responses. And some of the really common ones are older women will often say that they're worried about me, like, oh, is that safe? Or like, oh, but you don't, you know, travel alone and go to men's houses or whatever. Like, but when are you gonna stop doing that? You know, all that variety of things that's like, I'm worried for your safety.

Right.

And then the other reaction often from men is like, oh, you like sex? Well, probably we should have sex then.

Right?

Which is like, it's not like it's wrong to think that. It's just that there's sort of this. This sense of like, if a woman acknowledges that she likes sex, then, like, all etiquette out the window, like, she must be a nymphomaniac. She's gonna have sex with anybody.

Yeah, I live with that.

Yes, I'm sure you do. I'm sure your emails are a lot of them assume.

Yeah, I know. Exactly. People are like, must. They must assume because why. They're like, why would you get into this career? Like, a chef probably loves to eat. And somebody who, you know.

But that's a perfect example because a chef loves to eat really good food.

Right, exactly.

You're not gonna be like, oh, you're a chef. I'm gonna get you a hamburger at McDonald's. You're gonna eat it. Good point. It's gonna be great.

I love it. Right?

So I think that the more you focus on something, especially like a sensual thing, the more you. It sort of deepens your awareness of it. And so, on the contrary, I think people who really love sex and think about it a lot probably have a higher standard.

Right, exactly.

Than people who don't.

I'm not gonna take that run of run of the mill tinder hookup, at least not tonight. Every once in a while you wanna drive through a burger, but not a.

Lot, but only when you want one?

That's the thing, right? I'm in charge. I'm in charge of it. Okay. I want to talk about your songs, and you're performing right now. So you're running around and you're here. You're in San Francisco, and you play. You play music. Tell me about your music.

So, like, my day job, my real job is that I'm a performing songwriter, so I'm based in New Orleans. I live in New Orleans, but I travel all over the country and sometimes other countries playing shows for people. My music definitely also covers a lot of the same territory as the blog. So I talk a lot about sex, and a lot of it is, like, you know, a lot of songs are about sex for all of history. Like, maybe all songs are about sex in, like, a mystical way. A lot of my music references sex indirectly, but also a lot of my more recent music. I put out a record called so Ferocious last year, and that's more specifically about what it's like to live as a woman who not just enjoys sex, but I feel like it's a big part of my creative process, and so it's something I value in my life and that I look for and all that.

So tell me how sex is a part of your creative process.

Give me a gosh.

Oh, my gosh, Emily, tell me everything.

Go. It's just crazy. So, you know, all different people are creative, and people create in lots of different ways. So the way that I create is often I have, like, a big, exciting feeling. And for me, the way that comes out is in song lyrics. So I want to write songs when I have a big, exciting feeling.

Okay.

And since I first started writing when I was, like, 14 or 15, writing music, writing music, writing songs, the major source of inspiration has been, like, romance and sex and sort of the erotic spark between me and other people. And I think that is true for a lot of musicians, but it's sort of like our dirty little secret, right?

No, it's true. But you're also writing. A lot of people write about heartache and angst and stuff. Right, Right.

And it's all sort of interrelated. So some of it is, like, heartbreak and so on.

Can't bone without the other.

Right. But a lot of it is just like, here's a hot guy. I really want to bone him. You know what I mean?

And then you go home and you.

Start writing, and I write about it. Yeah. And, like, my first song that I finished when I was 14 was basically that, but it was like, my 14 year old version of that.

Oh, my God. I bet you it's still really. Do you ever listen to it? Do you have.

Sometimes it's a little cringy for me now, but not much has changed in terms of like my process, which is like, usually I meet a boy, we have a conversation, there's some spark, and then I just get full of this energy. And that energy for me, that sexual energy, attraction for me, that sexual energy translates into music really well.

God. So you just, you never get like writer's block. You're like, let me just go out and.

Yeah, I get it a lot. Yeah, I get it a lot less now than I used to when I was more concerned with, like being like having good social conventions or having a good reputation.

Yeah, you let out the window. Which of your first song about, like, what? You know, I mean, what was the one that you. What was the song that you like, what were some lines in the song? You're like, okay, now I just have to be out there.

That very. Wait, the very first one you sang, what was it?

Or not even when you're 14. But the one that you were like, oh, now that I've said it, it sounds like it was more recently maybe. Ye.

I think that the more recent stuff has definitely been more like, okay, the cat's out of the bag now. So like, I have a song called Vim and Vigor.

Yeah, I love that one.

Oh, cool. We listen. Which is like, it starts out, I know I got a dirty mind. It's in the gutter all the time. I don't believe that it's a crime. I consider it a service. So that was like, the whole idea to me was like, all right, enough with the shame and the like, you're dirty and you're bad and all that. And so I kind of flipped it in that song. And I think a few songs on the record are about flipping that and reflecting it back to society and saying, like, I'm just doing what's fun and feels good and you're the ones piling a bunch of shame on it. So, like, think about that. What does that mean for you?

Exactly? That's the message that so many young women, all women still need to learn.

Yeah, right.

I mean, yeah.

And now I'm just so much more in a space of like, just being celebratory about it. It's so fun. It's so fun. And it's so nice that we have like, birth control and women's rights and we can vote and own property and we don't have to worry about all that bullshit.

Right. Just condoms. We need to definitely wear condoms. We got that.

But we can buy those.

We can buy condoms. I have condoms if you want them. Oh, thank you. I have so many things. We'll give you some toys before you leave.

Great.

And so you. Okay. So are you in a relationship now?

Yes, I'm married.

You're married, Right. Okay. You're married?

Yes.

How's that going? How long have you been married?

It's great. We have been married for four years, but together for a little over 10, actually almost 11, I think. And we are in an open marriage. So I'm married and I also get.

Has it always been open?

Pretty much, yeah. It's been open from the beginning. We've had a few phases of monogamy because whatever some reason or other, we felt like it was too much.

You had to deal with for a few weeks. You're like, I don't have time.

Yeah.

So then you. Okay, so how did that happen? Did you both. Had you both been in open relationships before?

No, actually it was weird. We both kind of had come to it on our own and then we had a one night stand and then the next morning I had just like, I had gone.

You both had one night stand?

Oh, no. We both had come to the idea of non monogamy, like on our own.

Okay.

And so then we slept together and in the morning we woke up and I was like, that was really fun. I really like you, but I. I just have become single recently and I really like being single. And actually I'm not really sure if monogamy is a good idea anyway. So what do you say we just like, don't do the whole monogamy thing. And I kind of meant it like for now because we just slept together for the first time and he was like, great, I love it. And so that was like the initial condition of the relationship. And it just worked. Like for us it just worked. Not that it wasn't, you know, we had some jealousy and some stuff to.

Work out, but it was like, it still happens, right? The jealousy.

It does. But for me it's like the trade off is. It's really a question of whether it's scarier for you to feel bored and trapped or to feel jealous and afraid.

Right. I love when you say in your another blog, how not to be Nice Girl, that if you have a problem with the way you look, find a bigger problem. So I want to talk about women and how hard we are on ourselves, our looks and our Bodies and where you kind of got all that from and what you. The kind of things that you talk about. I mean, I try to talk to women about confidence and believing in yourself and body image and so. But I just like the way you framed it because it's kind of like if you. You could spend so much time thinking about that stuff.

Yeah.

Or you could spend time thinking about things that are actually really interesting. Change the world and grow yourself, grow your brain.

Yeah. I often. The, like, thought experiment I do with myself sometimes is when I start to get hung up on how I look and I think, like, oh, whatever, my skin isn't good right now, or, you know, I've gained some weight or whatever it is. I try to, like, put myself somewhere else in the world in my mind. Like, well, if I was a Syrian refugee, would I be worried about my breakout that I'm having right now? And it's like, it's a weird trick because it's kind of dark, but, man, does it ever work because you like, it makes you. It's not just like that. It shames you into not thinking about it. It's that it just puts your problems in perspective. If your biggest problem is your acne, you are doing great.

Exactly.

In the scheme of humanity, you are winning the game.

Right. It's true. I think that it's just really important, I think, for women, but it's so.

Hard because we just are being fed this. This, you know, all this pressure all the time, and it gets really exhausting. It's exhausting to be trying to deflect the cultural expectations of yourself. Constantly.

Exactly.

Constantly. Constantly. Every day.

Exactly. You know, you're a performer and you're out there. And I'm out there. I'm like, oh, it matters, you know, like, what you look like. But then also, you know, just having that. Having that balance.

Yes.

That we all need. I would love to get into your game a little bit. So tell me about how you came up with the game and. And, like, what?

Sure.

Yeah. I think it's because I'm always saying couples should. We're gonna get some emails shortly. We're gonna answer some questions, but my listeners are always asking me, like, I don't know how to talk about things or how do I bring this up with my partner? How do I know what they want? And I've always thought, like, and there are some games out there in the world, but I just think that this is such a creative way. If people aren't comfortable, like, play a game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the way I came up with it was kind of a combination of things, but one of them is that. So you have your four questions or five questions that you often ask.

Yes, I'm going to ask you those.

So I also have sort of a collection of questions that I've had for a long time. Like, I don't think I could come up with them off the top of my head. You can ask me some of them.

Okay.

But, like, questions. A lot of long car rides because I tour, and so I'm often touring with my band or with another band. And so it's like, you know, we have to drive from, like, Chicago to whatever to Philadelphia or something. So it's like, all right, we have 16 hours in the car. We know each other, but do we know each other that well? Probably not. So I have, like, a collection that I've had for a long time on my little notes on my phone of just questions that get people talking in a way that's, like, exciting and fun and a little edgy and scary. So I had this collection, and then the idea for the format of the game, that it was going to be kind of like Bingo, but a sexy version of Bingo came up. And once that happened, it was like, it all kind of clicked together, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I need to make a game using my questions. And then, you know, I could have a deck with me when I go on tour, and I wouldn't have to, like, go into my notes on my phone, and then I could sell it and other people could play it. So it was like the source was just this feeling of, like, it's really fun to ask people questions that are related to a thing they think about, but maybe they haven't thought about that specific one before.

Yeah. And I can tell you that it is true that people want to talk about this stuff. They do want to talk about sex and their desires and their relationships and their history, but they don't really know how. And there's still all that. Still all that judgment and shame. And if I'm out there with this, what's gonna happen to my job? Or if my boss sees it on my Facebook page? And it's like, you really just. It kind of opens it up and gives people the freedom, too. And then you really just, like, connect with people, and it's dirty or wrong and shameful, which is what you're all about, what I'm all about with sex. And so it's funny, when I was a kid, and this is kind of when I kind of started. I always loved asking a lot of questions, and I've always been fascinated by relationships. I used to always ask people. They weren't, like, dirty. No, they weren't, like, dirty. As you're out, like, seven. But I'd be like, how'd you guys meet? Like, if I met a couple, where'd you guys meet? How'd you.

Do, you know?

How did you. Are you in love? Like, I would always. I just found it. Love. Fascinating. I didn't know about sex yet. Yeah.

And I think, for me, I think we're kind of in the same business in a certain way in that, for me, it's like, there's. The way people treat sex is like. It's almost this, like, cultish thing where it's like, oh, you're into sex? Then you're like, one of those people who's into sex. And for me, it's like, no. Sex is a thing that all humans share. It's like eating right. It's a physiological function. And also, it's part of our psychology, and it's something that goes on for almost everybody. And so to me, it's like, it could be this great connector rather than a divider, where it's like, either you're in the sex camp or you're in the normal people camp. So a game, like, the effing Truth for me is really about getting everybody into the same camp, which is like, let's just be honest about this thing that we're all doing and all thinking about.

Right. It's like the elephant in the country.

Right.

In the world. It's like.

In the world. It's like we're all having sex. We're all doing it.

Yeah.

And we're spending more money on it. You know, ten billion dollar industry. Like sex, porn, all this stuff. But yet we're still not comfortable talking about it. Like, it's just. It's just so bizarre to me. And I do feel like that's why I do my show as well. People make it to make it comfortable to talk about and have it be authentic experience for people without shame. But, you know, and I do think it's getting a lot better than it used to be. And so I think that with your music, what are the different reactions, different parts of the country? Like, because you have a beautiful voice.

Thank you.

Sing a little bit more for me. I love when you did that. I got.

So you want.

No pressure.

Okay. Oh, my gosh. Well, so let's see what other songs. I have one called Ravenous that's like more like the story of my life. So it's got a line that's like, well, actually the chorus is they all said that it was bad, but it felt good. It's like about how society is saying, this is a bad thing, it's a bad thing. But then when you're inside your body being a person, you're like, how can this be a bad thing when it feels so good?

This is the conundrum. Yeah.

I think that that for me was the big cognitive dissonance from when I was like 10 or 11. When I first started masturbating. I was like, wait a second. And my parents obviously were, you know, they were like cool, way more open. But it was like I was still getting the messaging from society that everybody gets. And I just remember being like, why is this a secret, private, dirty thing when it feels great? Like, what could be dirty about that? And so I think that's a theme in a lot of my work. And. Well, first of all, a lot of people aren't lyrics people. So a lot of people totally miss it.

They do, right? And I'm not a focus person either. So sometimes I could see that I would be like, oh, I love her voice, I love it. What'd she talk about? Yeah, I get it. But some people are. They have to hear it. I get it.

And then some people are. And so it's like depending on, you know, on the show and the night and what the audience is like, whether they're drinking all that stuff, sometimes people get it and sometimes people don't. And when people get it, it's like, I often will see a thing happen in the room where at first people get kind of nervous like, oh, she means sex. And then somebody will laugh a little bit and then you can sort of feel it ripple through the room. People are like, oh, cool. She's like singing about sex and it's like fun and it's not so scary and I love that reaction. So that's always what I'm going for is to get everybody into like a light hearted atmosphere about sexuality.

I think you do a great job with your music and everyone can check it out. It's Carsey Blanton. C A R S I E Blanton B L A N T O N. It's Twitter and Instagram. Carsey Blanton fans on Facebook and CarseyBlanton.com that's right. Go check out your videos and see how adorable and smart you are in your music and listen to you. And then we're going to have a song that we're going to do that people can find on our site, and all your info will be there as well.

Hi, Instagram Live. This is my dog, Henry, but it's not about him. Okay, Carcy Flatten's here. I've got my whole team here. Jamie, Ken, Shannon, Lark, Mikey. So we are playing a game. So Carsey's a very talented woman. She is a singer, a songwriter, and writer. The game is called the Effing Truth.

Effing Truth.

So we are playing it right now, and it's pretty amazing. You guys are gonna love this. We're gonna learn a lot about each other. We're gonna bond, and you're gonna want to get this game.

Okay. Should we launch into the game?

Yes.

Okay.

Carsey Blatton, take it away. All right.

Okay. So the Effing Truth. So I'm gonna explain how to play it. Everybody gets their own board. The effing board. It says effing board.

I love it.

Fantastic. And this is a lot like bingo board. So it's got a bunch of numbers on it, and then it also had these special story spots, as you can see. So the idea is we have this deck of cards, and most of the cards have a number on them and two questions. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna take turns drawing cards, and then you're gonna read both questions and decide which one you most want to ask the group. And so you ask one of the two questions. Okay. And then anybody who can answer yes to that question can then cross off the corresponding number on their board. So not all boards have all the numbers. That's the disclaimer. And then the only extra thing is there are these story cards in here somewhere, and those just have a prompt instead of a question. So it'll say, like, talk about, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then the deal with that is, anyone who tells a story about that thing can cross off one of their story spots. Oh, cool. Okay, let's see.

Oh, yeah.

So then, important thing to say before we start. I have this card in here that says, what is sex?

It says, I'm trying to figure that out.

I say, it's playful and fun. It's raunchy and radical. It's loving and magical. It's silly and sweet. It's all those things. But for the purposes of this game, sex does have to be consensual, does not have to include an orgasm or be penetrative. So a lot of the cards say, have you Ever had sex. Blah, blah, blah. And so now you know. That includes any kind of sex.

We're not gonna actually be having sex.

Oh, yeah. And we're not gonna have sex during the game. I'm out. Sorry. We would have to pause the game.

And I just think it'd be fun. We played a little bit yesterday. We were like, oh, my God. I learned a lot about it.

Yeah. Oh, good.

Way more than I know. So you can make a conversation piece, and I think that. Yeah, play with your friends.

Yeah. Well, let's launch. Let's. Let's jump in. You'll know what the questions are like. So start. Okay, so this is number 24. So everybody look at your board. Also, the lowest numbers on the left. Highest are on the right. That'll make it easier to find. Thank you. Nice. So number 24. Have you ever had consensual sex with someone you were not attracted to?

Yes.

Yes. Okay. Yes. I also.

Okay, good. So we just. I don't cross.

Cross off if you have it. Yep. And if you don't.

Okay, let's keep going.

That was fun. We move on. And now it's your turn.

I love how we were all like.

Yeah, okay, the number is 50. So if you have 50, you get to cross it off.

Oh, I have it.

Okay. Kept a list or other record of people you've had sex with?

Oh, my God, yes, Absolutely.

It's been a long time.

I know I've been a long track.

By this point, but, yes, I have not lost track. I am, like, really serious about it. I have a. I have a spreadsheet.

You like an homage.

That's fantastic. Only because I have, like, notes in case I need to remember later. Like, in case I want to write a memoir of everyone I ever had sex with.

That's good for your music. I love it. Well, I never kept, like, a detailed list, but I want to. I have a good list story. Even though this isn't part of the game.

No, go for it. It is part of the game, actually.

Nice conversation. But when I was, like, 25 years old, my boyfriend at the time, we were together for a while, and I was at his house, and I was looking for a piece of paper. I was not snooping. Don't judge me. But I went in his drawer, and he had notebook that I pulled out right there on top. And I pulled it out, and it was like a list of all who he slept with in sequential order. I was not the last name on his list. And the two names following one was his boss. He had a job. Six and one was like.

So he had to do it for. To keep his job.

Well, maybe sleep with the massage therapist.

No, you didn't have to do that.

So keep your list private now. I don't know. Anyway, that's my guess. See, look at this. Did you know that?

Didn't know that.

Right. Okay, keep going.

So I see I have a story card.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Talk about something that turns you on, but it's embarrassing to admit. There's a lot of stuff I wouldn't be embarrassed about normally. But since we're, like, live on the Internet and on a podcast and people are gonna hear this, I might actually be embarrassed of some things. Oh, I'll start. Because I have one. I have one in the hopper. So this is embarrassing from a, like, I'm an empowered woman, feminist person perspective. I watch a lot of porn that's like, not, like rape porn, but, like, groping on public buses and, like, sleep like this. The girl's supposed to be asleep. That kind of stuff.

Oh, right.

I watch that kind of porn, and it totally turns me on. And every time I watch it, I like, you know, get off. And then I'm like, what am I.

You feel the guilt. Yeah, right. Supporting that porn. I understand.

Like, I'm supporting that porn, and I shouldn't be. So I try to. Now. I've been trying to, like, go to paid websites that have that kind of.

Stuff so that somebody that's actually good to. There's something like making money, consensual porn. I don't. This is a hard one for me, like, that I'm embarrassed.

I mean, I guess it's not really embarrassing. I guess it's kind of weird, but I don't feel like I'd be alone in this. Maybe at this table I would be, but not in the grand scheme of the world. I am, like, super turned on. I think the cartoon Archer, I think he's so hot and, like, it turns me on, and it's, like a complete cartoon. And, like, the actual guy that does the voice is not necessarily attractive, but when he's Archer, it's just like, oh, damn.

Oh, man, I love it. One of my first crushes was the. The male love interest in Anastasia, the animated film.

I love him too.

Right?

Yes.

I guess I like his voice.

Was John Cusack, though, who I also was into when he was. Cross off your story spot if you need to.

Oh, yeah.

I want to mention. This is a good time to mention that this. The deck is formulated so that any Group of people, no matter their sexual orientation or sexual history or gender identity, can play the game. So there's no references to male, female, straight, gay anywhere in the deck.

I love it. Whose turn?

It's your turn.

Okay. Oh, this is a good one. Like, think. Well, is this story or good if we were to party? Well, now you have a song.

Everyone on the podcast is gonna be.

Like, had a sex dreamer fantasy about someone who is in this room. But I just thought that'd be fun, like, if you were in a group of friends or something.

Well, you guys work together. This is the best possible thing.

Okay, fine. Have you had a sexual fantasy about someone who was in this room?

Well, first, what's the number? Or is it a story?

Oh, 39. Sorry, number 39.

I don't have it, but I'm gonna answer it because it's not a real. It's not. It's not a yes, but it's def. It's not a no.

Okay.

I've definitely, like, thought of Emily while I was having sex. Like, something happened that I was like, oh, I gotta tell Emily about this tomorrow, so don't.

Or she's. Or be like, oh, wait, wait, wait.

Emily was telling me, like, do this. So, like, I've done. I've definitely conjured up during that time. So it's not necessarily yes, but it's also no. No.

That makes me feel good.

I want to be surprised eventually. I'm starting to do that. Well, I've been here a month, so I'm like, give me, like, another month. I'm sure I will be, too. I love that. And I love that question. It is really good. If you're going to party with your friends, like, all right, let's hear who's here.

I think that's a great question.

That was a little taste game. The effing is fun.

Everyone should get it.

And if you. If you play all the way to the end, it takes, like, between 30 minutes and an hour to finish a game. And you're trying to get a row of five, and then when you do, that's how you determine who is the fucking EST or the Effingest.

I love it.

Yeah. So I actually want for the Kickstarter, one of the rewards is, like, a little gift pack that goes with the game. And one of the things that is going to be, like a banner that says, I'm the Effingest. Oh, my God.

How do they spell the Effing true?

Love it.

Oh, yes.

Go to the website.

The website is T. H E F I N G Truth. The effing truth dot com.

This is fun. And that'll quit playing, but we're going to finish the podcast. Okay, so now we're on to emails. Carsi, you're going to help me out here. I'm excited. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show. I love that. You can text me your question. Just text Ask Emily one word to 797-979. So that's the number you put into your phone. 797-979 Ask Emily. You can also submit the question from our website sex with emily.com via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include information that will help me help you. Your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen.

Oh, my gosh. I love the texting to the number. That's so I'm going to be doing that all the time from, like, someone's bed. I'm going to be like, Emily.

Really? You could do that? For sure.

Good. You could be like, I got to use the bathroom really quick.

Exactly. I will. I will answer your questions. Okay. Dear Emily, I'm new to sex. I lost my virginity at 18 and now I'm 19. What could I do to be more confident and comfortable with my body? Also, what are some tips and tricks to reduce the awkwardness with my fiance since sex is still new to me? Thank you. Cheyenne, 19, Minnesota.

Oh, honey.

Is a lot. Yeah.

Oh, honey.

Engaged.

Yes. Engaged and 19.

Yes. There's a lot more work to do here.

There's a lot to do. My first response would be masturbate, which I know you're a big proponent of that as well.

Yeah.

Love masturbating. Think everyone should do it more, especially women. I just feel like knowing how to pleasure yourself is so convenient for so many reasons. One is it makes you more comfortable with your body's response, makes you more familiar with it. And another one is that I think being able to, like, touch yourself while you're having sex and make sure that you get to feel what you want to feel and that you get to come to orgasm is so fun and so hot for your body because you.

Have to touch your clit, right. You're saying, touch your clitoris, touch your clitor.

You need while you're having penetrative sex. And I think that most partners react to that with. In a positive way with glee.

Most partners, like, I'm down. Right. Please yourself.

Yeah. And especially if, you know, if you're engaged, you should be able to have a conversation about it and Say, honey, I've been working on this thing. They told me on the podcast I should masturbate more. So, you know, I'm gonna probably touch my clit while we have sex. And that's just because I want to have the most fun I can have. We can have all that fun together, right?

Exactly. And also, Cheyenne, just know that it's new, right? Sex is a whole new thing for you. And so it's okay to feel a little awkward and uncomfortable. And sex, it takes time. You know, we don't become experts at anything overnight.

Practice, practice, practice.

Gotta practice. You gotta keep having sex and touching your body and talking to your partner about it. And I think that starting now, like, like right away, and working on loving yourself and loving your body and having more confidence. I think that the more, first of all, the more that you understand your body and how to touch yourself, what makes you feel good, that will help you become more confident. But it also just. The more sex that you have and the more that you talk to your partner so you're not like, in your head, guessing, was I good? Was I awkward? Was I weird? But if you guys can kind of build this really safe, nurturing, open environment together, like, you won't have an awkward feeling with someone you're planning on spending the rest of your life with.

And you know what, it's funny because I say this to people who ask about, like, performing and writing songs. There's a thing where if you practice something a lot, it just burns off your self. Consciousness. You just. You're self conscious, you're self conscious, you're self conscious. And then like the thousandth time you do it, you just don't have the energy to be nervous anymore. And so you just break through it. So there is an element of, like, you just keep having sex, keep bringing up things you want to talk about, and eventually, like, your body will not respond to a sexual situation with like, this feeling of, oh, am I doing this right? How do I look? Did I do a good job? All that stuff.

That's a really good point.

It'll eventually get over it.

That's true. You're absolutely right. These insecurities and all this stuff, just. Yeah. Communicate and. Yeah, you're right. It'll go away. You'll be fine. Cheyenne, thank you for emailing me.

And think of all the sex ahead of you. You're 19.

I know.

Can have so much sex.

Exactly. Make sure you guys are sexually compatible before you walk down the aisle right now, too. Yeah, I'm just gonna say that that's what I'm gonna say about that. Okay, let's. Let's go to the next email. Hi Emily, I'm a big fan of your podcast and all the helpful information and advice that you give to listeners. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. He treats me well and normally extremely caring. He's an athlete and very conscious of his body and diet and staying in shape, which is great for him. The problem is he's constantly telling me that I should work out and eat better for my health. I can't help but take it personally. I'm five eight, £130 normally. This is irrelevant. I want to emphasize that I'm very much in the health healthy weight zone, which is why his comments hurt my feelings. I've never dated someone so concerned with my diet and exercise and it's making me very self conscious and I'm beginning to lose interest in sex, which is rare for me. At first, his comments weren't a huge issue because I'm normally very confident in my body and sexuality. I did ask what he wanted me to do to make sex more enjoyable for him. His response? Work out more. I was expecting something more along the lines of lingerie or threesome. This has made me incredibly uncomfortable when we have sex. Am I overreacting to these comments and just need to stop being so sensitive? I'm looking forward to hearing your advice and would love some brutally honest answers. Thanks. Lexi25 Austin Lexi, you've come to the right place for brutal honesty. Because if you could see the two of us, like, shaking our heads, here, go first.

Oh my gosh. Well, what I'm gonna say, what I'm gonna open with is, I had a boyfriend like that too, who was really athletic and worked out all the time and lifted weights and rode his bike everywhere. And he was like, you should, you should, you should. And I solved it. You know how I solved the problem?

What?

I dumped him. It was the best decision I ever made.

Right? Yeah. I'm telling you. Okay, so here's my problems with this. I. Good for you, first of all, because I would do the same thing. And this is so insidious, she might not realize it. Here's the thing, Lexi, these comments that he's making, you're sweet, you love him, he's been great. And then I can see you in your head going, well, maybe I should. You know what I love about you, Lexi? You're not even saying I should work out my ear like I'm normal and healthy. And now he's messing with your self esteem and confidence. So this is why I don't like this at all. And this is about him. This is about what he values as, like, he's obsessed with himself and working out and his body, and there's nothing wrong with that. But that's not your interest. Like, that's not what you're into, and he can't put that on you. And as a result, especially like being a woman, like, you're gonna start to, like you said, you don't. It's having the opposite effect. It's lowering your self esteem. You're not gonna want sex anymore. And I don't think it's very kind. He's not even answering your sex questions. Like, just work out more. And it's just, it's very superficial to me.

I agree. And I also think, like, the. That's the brutally honest answer is like, dump the guy who's being a jerk. And I feel like the. The kinder or more maybe more the kinder to him as a person. Like, we don't know the guy. The more positive outlook is this guy has a really strong interest in this thing. You don't share an interest in that. Right. So it's a compatibility issue. Like, if his number one interest is working out and he really needs that to be something you do together and that's the kind of thing he would connect with you on, that makes him sexually interested in you, then he needs to find another partner.

Yeah, right. That is a great. That is a really good point because I don't think. Lexi, you're 25 years old. I'm gonna assume that he's around your age and this is what he's really into now. I really don't think that this kind of thing is going to change. It's not. Just like, he said it once, because I hear some people, like, my boyfriend told me this once. Is it true? But the fact that he's saying. He said it several times, that you ask about sex. He says, work out more. You're like, what do you want for dinner? He's like, work out more. You know, what movie do you want to see work out more? It sounds like it's like his theme. Right. And so I agree with you that it might be a compatibility thing. And I just don't like that you're uncomfortable. You said. Are you overreacting to these comments? No, you're underreacting. I think you're very, like, you're. You're sweet and you're kind and you care about Your partner. I don't think that you. I think you got to stand up for yourself and what you believe in and what you want, and you're going to work out when you want to work out. No one says you have to work out. What I want you to do is to have incredible sex with someone who appreciates you for who you are and all the things that interest you and what you love about yourself and gets excited, Lexi, about who you are as a person right now. I think that a lot of people get into relationships thinking they can change someone. No matter what age you are, what point in your life, nobody changes unless they want to change nobody. That will not happen. And I think there's people who even get married, and they're like, oh, well, once we get married, he'll stop running around, or she'll, you know, she'll work less that. No, it doesn't happen.

No.

So. So just know that this is how it is, Lexi. And the writing is on the wall here. So you could, you know, let him know how you're feeling, heartfelt and see what happens.

But can I just add one thing?

Please? Please, Karsi, I just want to add.

That, like, that thing is so insidious for women, especially, because we're constantly getting these reflections from society about how we look. And so Lexi is 58 and £130, which is, like, sounds like she's super fit and probably really conforms to standards of beauty. But I also want to say, no matter what your weight or size is, it's not your partner's decision to decide how your body's supposed to look. If they're with you and they don't feel attracted to you for whatever reason, that's their problem. That's something they need to handle. And it's not. It's unkind, and it's insensitive for him to be putting that on you.

So true. Don't take that.

It's inappropriate.

And I think. I love that you made this point. And I think that. That a lot of women listening now should kind of take this on. If there's anything that your partner that you're saying or society wants to change you, it's their problem so much of the time. And we. We take so much on because we're caretakers and we're pleasers, a lot of women. And just like, do you like, the more you can just like, this is who I am and stand up for it, that gets easier as well.

Nobody got time for that.

No, we got no time for that. Okay. And that's all we have time for on the show. Oh, this was really fun, by the way. Yay. Carcy Blanton. Thank you so much. First, I have to ask you five questions.

Oh, boy.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

You got this, girl.

Okay.

Okay, Here we go. What's your biggest turn on?

Biggest? Just one thing.

One thing.

Probably humor and musical ability. That's two things.

Biggest turn off.

I hate to say this, because this is the worst thing to say to people who, like, want to be sexy, but insecurity is my biggest turn off. If somebody approaches me and they're like, maybe we should have sex, that's like, really? Right. Really does not work for me.

Right.

Sexiest part of your partner's body.

Sexiest. Can I just say penis?

Yeah, you can say whatever you want.

Cock. I'm gonna say cocktail.

Love it. What's the one thing you wish you could tell your current and or all future partners about your body's needs?

I mean, I feel like I've already told my current partner this, but future.

What do they need to know?

Future. I mean, the one I would say is I am one of the women, one of the majority of women who needs clitoral stimulation in addition to penetration in order to have an orgasm. So I usually do say that in my sexual encounters now, but it took me, like, I don't know, almost 30 years of having. Not 30 years of having sex, 15 years of having sex.

Right.

To figure out. I could just say that, and then they'd be like, oh, cool, right?

Women. This is. Okay. I hope that all the women there who's already have sex realize now that today is the day to ask where you want. Say it, don't wait, just say it. And do you use toys or do you use your fingers or I use my hands.

And it has to be my hands usually. I mean, a rare partner, especially if it's like a casual sex thing. It is a very rare partner. So who can get me off with their hands if we just started having sex?

Right.

Cause it's just one of a really specific thing. I get it.

Right?

Yeah.

We're all different. And they might be trying. Cause the last girlfriend wanted me.

And it makes it so much easier just to be like, we're doing this thing with our bodies. We want to feel good. This is what feels good to me. I'm going to use my hand. And it's not an issue. Nothing to do. It's a traffic to get over. Really.

I love it. Those were great answers.

So this is a Brand new song, so it's not out on a record yet. This one, though, you can get access to through patreon.com I have a site. I put all my demos on there, so there's a demo of that if you become a patron. The song is called Jacket. As in like a jacket, like a coat, but it's a double entendre. You'll get it. I wrote it about a boy that I thought was cute.

Take a good long drive down the NJ Pike Thinking why you gotta be the type of boy I like? And why you act so dumb with all the books you read? Got a body like that and you're living in your head.

Make a quick pit stop at the Molly picture. You say you got a girl but I don't see you with her. You say you want a drink but I want something stiffer. You say I oughta keep it clean. Hey, a Swiffer. I like your shirt, I like your jacket. I like to think about you when I whack it doesn't hurt, there's nothing to it. Call me when you had enough of thinking, baby, let's do it.

Let'S do it.

When we met last week in the elevator. Said I gotta feed a meter but I'm gonna see you later in the bar you were chewing on a swizzle stick. Said you look so good you're about to make me sick. So we tried to take a walk but it was too much, you only wanna talk, you know I'm gonna wanna touch. We tried to have a chat but it was too scary. You're just a democrat, I'm a revolutionary. I like your shirt, I like your jacket. Like to think about you when I whack it doesn't hurt, ain't nothing to it. Call me when you had enough of thinking, baby, let's do it. I wanna do it to.

Yeah.

Take Carsey Blanton. Check her out, Arcy Blanton. And check out her game, Effing Truth. Your music.

Yeah, CarseyBlanton.com. that's the big, the one stop shop.

Yeah. And we're gonna have a video up and I think our site. Okay. Thank you for being here.

Thank you, Emily. So fun.

It was great. Okay, so thank you everybody for listening, checking out the show, and for telling your friends about the show. I appreciate it. You guys all email me with your questions and your thoughts. And it just helps when you share it with a friend. And also, be sure to subscribe to our newsletter because you'll never miss a show again, which we never want you to do. And also thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, Intern, Shannon, Producer, Lark and Michael. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackextwithemily.com.

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