The Future is Sexy with Bryony Cole

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Yeah. And you know what? When they do the research and the surveys, although people say, oh, what do you mean? Most people would have sex with a robot at least once. And when we think about it in the future, we think, okay, there's a certain subset of people that will, you know, are robosexuals or attracted to that, that will keep those robots as their partners. But then there's kind of the rest of us. It was sort of like it's a novelty. Probably try it once or twice. And what distinguishes a sex robot versus sex doll is the technology. So they have technology often inside their heads that allows them to reprogram, to talk to you, to change their personality type from funny, shy, charming, cute, submissive, flirty, dial it up, dial it down. But really, if you want to get really nerdy, they're not quite robots yet. So robots, the definition of robots is that their limbs would move in both directions. Right. I've forgotten the techie term for. But at the moment they don't do that. And actually that would be really dangerous. Can you imagine a sex accident if all the robots limbs are moving and something knocks you out off the bed or something?

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and in today's show I'm joined by sex tech expert and host of the Future of Sex podcast Brian Nicole to talk about all things sex tech and what the future may just have in store for us. Topics include sex robots, will they become the norm? VR porn. So what's the draw and how can you use it wisely, if at all? Okay, so vulva seem to get all the love when it comes to vibrators, but what about the penises? And how do you delicately tell your partner that their oral skills are just a little rough? I got you all this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes they call them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just got his heartbroken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. Check out our site sexwithemily.com we publish a bunch of blogs every single day, every week to help you have the sex life and the relationship that you really want and you deserve. You can also find me on SiriusXM stars Monday through Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific. It's channel stars 109 and you can get a free 30 day trial at sex with emily.comsxm and I'm totally cool if you just call in and ask a question. Triple 894-782-77 find us on all social media. It's at Sex with Emily across the board. And you guys, I have a special announcement. We're very excited you guys. We have this. I have this new vesper necklace. I don't know if you've ever seen the vibrator necklace. It's been around for a few years and I've been a huge fan it's effect for years. It's the only gift that I give to all My friends. Well, I'm very excited because it's a super elegant vibrator that you wear it around your neck as a necklace. It's usb, rechargeable, and it's super, super quiet and it's powerful. Here, here's a little listen to.

Doesn't sound quite. But listen power.

Anyway, you guys, I'm obsessed with it. I wear it every single day. And it's a great conversation piece too. People are like, what is that around your neck? Also, it's really empowering to just say, like, you know what? I care about my sex life. I prioritize my orgasms and my pleasure. You can get one of our three limited edition phrases that I wrote for you. It's either I come first, turn me on, or meditate, masturbate, manifest. If you want to find out more, it's a great gift. Go to sexwithemily.com Vesper V E S P E R Brioni Cole is here.

Thank you.

Hello. She's a sex tech and relationship expert, Australian and living in New York, host of the Future of Sex podcast. Thanks for being here.

Yeah.

So fun. We're excited to have you. People can find you at. We'll have this in our show notes sexwithme.com BryonyCole and utureofsex.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's talk about this. We were introduced through Erica Lust, who we both love. Love. Aren't you obsessed? She's the fucking best.

She's the best.

Oh, my God. Amazing.

Have you tried her stuff in VR?

No.

Can we talk about. Okay, we're gonna talk about it. Sex tech. I think a lot of people don't even know what that means.

Yeah. So whenever I say sex tech, the first thing that comes to mind, right. Is robots or vhap porn or teledildonics. But sex tech is, in fact, so much more than that. So if we think about sex tech as a definition, sex tech is any technology designed to enhance sexuality. So technology, VR, robots, AI, but also websites, apps, just simple products. And then under that umbrella of sexuality, we're not just talking about sex in terms of sexuality. We're talking about health, medicine, education. Really big one with sex tech, crime and violence reporting, assault reporting. So sex tech incorporates so much more than, I think, the obvious ones, like robots. Although that's fine, right?

It is fun. Okay, I got to say this, but sex tech, they're saying it's going to be like a $40 billion industry. Yeah, 25 to $40 billion.

Depends.

I think for my listeners and for me, let me be honest, I do want to start with the robots. Let's. I have to. Even though I get it, when people are like, can we just start with orgasms? I'm like, that's what I talk about. Forever robots.

Well, it's. I mean, it is this big sci fi fantasy.

People don't even believe. Like, what do you mean, I'm going to want to fuck a robot?

Yeah. And you know what? When they do the research and the surveys, although people say, oh, what do you mean? Most people would have sex with a robot at least once. And when we think about it in the future, we think, okay, there's a certain subset of people that will, you know, our robo sexuals are attracted to that. That will keep those robots as their partners. But then there's kind of the rest of us sort of like it's a novelty. Probably try it once or twice. And what distinguishes a sex robot versus sex doll is the technology. So they have technology often inside their heads, that allows them to reprogram, to talk to you, to change their personality type from funny, shy, charming, cute, submissive, flirty, dial it up, dial it down. But really, if you want to get really nerdy, they're not quite robots yet. So robots. The definition of robots is that their limbs would move in both directions. Right. I've forgotten the techie term for that. But at the moment they don't do that. And actually, that would be really dangerous. Can you imagine a sex accident if all the robot's limbs are moving and something knocks you out off the bed or something? They're also really.

I just want the right limbs to move. Right. Like, if I can be with a guy, like, at least this one limb is working. This is why I bought you. I don't care as much about their hands and feet, but as your pe. You know that's vibrator, right? Well, the vibrator is right. I mean, here's the thing. So we've talked about this before as well. Like, would women. Why would a woman want. We want intimacy and connection and touch. But then people are saying these robots are actually going to. It's gonna look real. It's gonna be like Westworld, everyone says. I mean, do you really believe that? Soon enough we'll be like, once the.

Limbs start moving, they can take the trash out and they can make sandwiches and stuff like that. That'd be cool. I think there's less demand for women in terms of being a sexual partner. Maybe an intimacy partner is more interesting. You know, someone that has a personality. A. A personality that can talk back to you. Kind of like that movie Her. If you ever saw sort of.

That's what I would love.

That Virtual assistant slash lover.

Yeah. Well, now there's like the. The sex bot, the rope that can text you and the sexting and all that stuff.

You've seen the. The gate box in Japan?

Yeah, the Gate. Can we talk about the Gatebox in Japan?

Sure. Okay, so Gatebox, it was launched two years ago. It sold out within a week. It was a limited run. And Gatebox is kind of like, if you would think of Alexa or Google Home, your. Your virtual assistants that control the temperature in your house, they control the lights. But G is different because it's inside what you can imagine, like a glass cylinder. And it's a CGI image of a blue cartoon anime. Looks like a teenage girl, and she sends you emotional text messages during the day. And this is sort of where the AI and the gray area of intimacy comes in. Because aside from controlling everything in your house in terms of appliances, she also has this intimacy angle and sold out in the first week in 2016.

It sold out in Japan in the first week because she can, like, turn on my toaster and send me a.

Sex and be like, I miss you and sweet dreams before you go to bed. And if you watch the ads on YouTube, it's. It's super compelling because you're like, wow, it's actually being marketed as this replacement girlfriend. And so over the. The last couple of years, they've got more investment. You can now change her clothes. She's now in October 10th. They're doing a commercial release in Japan because it's been sold out. There's been 3,700 marriage certificates issued for Gatebox. So Japanese men are actually marrying Gatebox. They're marrying.

They're marrying these CGI images because they work their appliance. They're like one. It's one bill, pays my appliances and.

Sends me a sex easy date.

It's kind of easy, you know, Bundle. It's a bundle. It's your marriage and all your appliances.

Well, what if you just had someone that, like, you had the bot that did all that, but then you still married a person.

Well, you know, because then you can.

Humans are overrated. Come on.

Yeah, I mean, you could have both, you know, if that person's no good at conversation, there's always Gate box. Exactly.

Exactly. I mean, this is really happening. But this wouldn't fly here, would it? Or am I just, like three years.

From now well, you know, this is what I spend a lot of time thinking about because, you know, we're all so in love, I would say, with our smartphones. We're almost married to them. We can't leave the house without them, and we're so addicted to them. I think there are a couple of examples in. In the Western world of humans falling in love with technology and everyday people. There's also, if you look outside the sex realm, you know, in the military, the bomb disposal robots, you know, there's been cases of Marines holding funerals for them because, you know, they break down and they don't dispose bomb. And so people get really attached to technology. And I think this is sort of the thing that we're all sleeping on at the moment because it kind of happens.

Literally sleeping. Like I sleep with my phone, you know, turn you off now, but I'll be back in a few hours.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it kind of. It seems exciting, and I think it's sort of that feeling of one day you wake up and you go, well, hang on. What happened? How did we get this far along? Same thing with dating apps. Maybe five or 10 years ago, it wasn't cool. It was like, no, we're never gonna do that.

We didn't meet on Tinder.

And now if you're not on a dating app, it's weird.

Exactly. If you're on a dating app, I tell people, I'm like, why? You really want to meet someone and you haven't tried apps? It's like trying to lose weight. But, like, I'm not gonna exercise. I'm just gonna eat, not eat.

It's the new normal.

It is the new normal.

So maybe Gatebox or some version of that will be the new normal. I know it sounds strange, and you're like, please let that be the case. But I. I just. You have to kind of think about that.

But you know what it is?

We use technology.

We don't. Because what I just thought of. And you guys can cosmo with anything. I have Brownie Cole. Bryony Cole. Yeah, we practice saying your name. Bryoni. Briny. Briny. Briny, Briny. I love it. Love that name. I do.

Means Wild Rose.

Wild Rose. So pretty. That's beautiful.

Thanks, Mom.

The Brian. Brianny Rose. God, when did Facebook start? So I would say in 2003. I was having lunch with a friend in San Francisco, and he was telling you about Facebook. He was an early investor. And he said, well, Emily, wouldn't it be awesome? Just imagine this.

Let's say everyone in your address book, right? Now imagine if I could see your address book and then you could see mine and you could see who I'm friends with and I could see who you're friends with, and that could like, I could have a party. Invite all your friends. I'm like, hell no. I don't. It's private. I don't want anyone to know who I'm friends with. And when I'm doing that, that's such an evasion of privacy. And you know, that was like a few years, you know, four years for Facebook. And I'm like, oh, yeah, there you go. Everything I do was out there. So in a way. And that snuck up on me and I was literally like horrified. I'm like, oh, that's cause you don't have a lot of friends. Like, I have so many friends. And I don't think they'd like. You know, it's just like it was a different world, but then robots will just be here in a few years. I can't remember life without my robot.

And it's happening faster and faster. You know, the rate of innovation is exponential. So it just keeps creeping up faster and faster. Whereas humans, we're like step by step, we're just slowly evolving, slowly waking up.

Right.

So, yes, I think that's gonna happen, but I also think maybe there'll be a revolt.

I think so too. I think this, as humans, that we innately would like to connect with other humans. And I think. I think that right now we actually are in a crisis of connection, and we don't really know how to have intimacy, how to connect with one another. And that to me, that's just the most. I mean, I'm all for vibrators. Vibrators on steroids, if it's a robot. But I still think I'm always is the body that I was born in, in the year I was born, and gonna crave human connection. I crave it now still. Like when I'm just like all day or talking to.

I mean, that's a really good point because you're talking about the. The great use of technology is like vibrators and things that are enhancements and they're not replacing intimacy.

No. Even though everyone fears that. And that's what already what we hear from men so much is like a protest, like the vibrator is going to replace me. And you know, I feel like that it's. That the true orgasm only comes through a penis if you're in a heterosexual relationship, when really you know, forget that. Forget that. It comes everywhere. Let's talk about virtual reality porn. I've taken a gander through that land. I've checked it out, you know, I've seen it. It's very realistic. Yeah.

What'd you think?

I thought it was hot. I was in a room of a bunch of men. It was like, a few years ago in Amsterdam, the first time I saw it, and they were investing in some of the early, you know, VR. I mean, it was four years ago. And I was like, I put the goggles on. I'm in this room, and, you know, you see all these women. They're crawling. It was like an orgy in Greece or something. I mean, it was all these beautiful people in a castle. And you're saying you feel like you're actually in the room and there's all these beautiful people and there's like, a woman and man coming up to me. Like, it feels like they're moving towards you. And then the guy next to me was developing this. He's like, turn around. And you turn around and you're like. You're even. You're in a virtual world. And I could absolutely see that replacing everything that we know right now. If I was into porn, I'm really not. I'm not as much of a. You know, I enjoy it when I enjoy it, but it's. It doesn't consume me. But right now, since I actually think that porn is already a huge problem, not just for people who are watching porn, but for kids today, and I absolutely see that being the future of sex, of everything. And kind of just.

There's definitely a lot of money there, isn't there? I mean, there's a lot of money that comes from the porn industry into technology and especially at the moment, into virtual reality. And we want to. It's sort of also with that fantasy we want to believe. And so it's sort of like. It's so exciting that something could leap off the screen and start to become more real and more sensory. And maybe we can attach scent releases so you can. You can smell the things. So there's all these interesting, interesting innovations coming out. It still feels. I don't know about you, when you were watching it, and there's like, all these people in the room, it still feels, whether or not there's other people in the room kind of a bit clunky, and maybe that's just. We're getting used to it.

Yeah.

But there's still this awareness that this is not your real world.

Right, Exactly. It does feel that I just thought it was. Exactly. And to me, it wasn't more. So it wasn't more titillating for me than actually watching porn. You know, your run of the mill porn right now. But I was kind of putting myself in the shoes of people who are sort of. That's their main source of release. But it is clunky, but it's also like, it's another thing. So when they say that porn, we have to keep escalating and escalating to get aroused, you get a virtual reality.

Another thing. I mean, when you look through that and there's just like a big pair of balls in your face that are like virtual reality balls. You're like, oh, my God, what am.

I. I don't even want the reality balls.

Like, this is like too big. This is too much VR for me. Kevin, eject.

We didn't need to do that. What else is going on with you? Tell me, what are you excited about right now?

Well, so aside from the virtual reality and the robots and all the sort of more obvious stuff, what I'm really interested in is probably a bit more of the darker side is.

I don't know. But really interesting technology that's being developed for crime and violence, for human trafficking, for sexual assault reporting in all different areas of the world. So in Iran, we have apps that. Where two thirds of women experience domestic violence, we have these apps that you can signal without looking like an app that signal like legal help, family help.

I love. I mean, I've heard about these apps because right now it's scary. You could lose your life if you're the one who's reporting sex trafficking. It's dangerous. So who's creating these apps and how could people find them?

Lots of not for profit organizations. If you go to future of Sex Instagram, I list a lot of these and. And all the new ones that are coming out. In Japan, they have big problem on the subways with groping.

I don't know. Yes, Forever. They've been groping, like forever. They're like, I'm gonna go on the subway. I'm gonna get groped.

Yeah.

Yep. So they have separate carriages for separate genders. And now a week ago, they released this stamp, this UV stamp where you could stamp your. You know, the guy that. I'm assuming it's a guy, right? The person that gropes you and it sort of identifies them as a groper and it's a deterrent, like a sex offender.

But you're just you.

Yeah, but it's you have groped. Yeah, Sold out. Sorry. Sold out in an hour. But so there's like, really interesting cultural things. In South Africa, they have the rapax, which is a female condom fitted with barbs. So. And, you know, it's still prototype phase, but encouraged to wear on blind dates and at parties, and it attaches to anything that penetrates it. And so you have to go to hospital to get it removed. And in that case, you know, wow, that's amazing. So these things are also fascinating. A bit of a darker side. Less pleasure and more.

Yeah, but that's okay. It's about all of it. I mean, I think that it's like everything with. There's pleasure and pain, Right? There's good and bad and everything.

Yeah, there's light and dark. So how can technology help us with all of our sexuality? And then there's the cool stuff, like the education stuff, which everyone's had bad sex ed.

If we had any at all. We had bad sex ed. There is a lot. What do you think? What is your favorite place right now? You think to go for sex education?

Oh, there's a couple. Okay, so OMGS is an oldie but a goodie. Just.

It's not even that people. A lot of people don't know about OMGs. They're incredible.

Well, I just. I think it's such a cool example of sex tech doing really amazing things for female sexuality and. And their partners. So OMGS is this platform you can go on and learn about how to bring yourself or a woman to orgasm. And they. They developed this through. They did the first of its kind, 2,000 women between the ages of 18 and 96, and how they bring themselves to orgasm. So essentially, how they masturbate. And they took that data of 2000 women and they identified 12 different techniques of how women masturbate. The cool thing is they gave it names, which escaped me, like the dippity do, the circular shifting, whatever it is. But I thought that was so cool because aside from like, wow, I can learn new ways to masturbate and pleasure is kind of limitless. And I can inspire myself or my partner. They gave us language that we can use. That's not kind of.

I love. I knew where that's going to get women someplace to start. If they're like, I'm not really sure how to touch myself. And they're like, oh, here's examples. It's a great place to start. Even if you don't fall into those 12 categories, you're like, oh, here's ways to touch My clitoris. Because right now I don't even. I'm terrified. I don't know where to start. I've never masturbated before.

Exactly.

So, okay, we've got a call about robots.

Yes, we have Ryan, 30 in California who wants to talk about having sex with robots.

Of course. Hey, what's going on?

Ryan.

Ryan, hey.

Real life ladies, not robot ladies.

We are real. Yes. At least today we're real for real.

I know today, but then tomorrow, you know, with all this deep fake, you know, video, deep fake voice, I could be talking to a robot one day.

That's true. Well, you know how there aren't like real music DJs anymore on SiriusXM? There is but a lot of the terrestrial stations. It's like they're not even having people. I might not be. Who knows? Maybe tomorrow won't even be here. But today we are here. What's going on?

Brian and I always love the real thing, but I guess the point that I would like to make is, you know, it's not really a big difference if I can't tell the difference. Right? It's not a big deal. I would totally have sex with a robot. And if I could have my own sex robot, I would. However, I would still be kind of ashamed of it. I don't know why I feel like it would be like. It's like if someone came over and they, you know, opened up the closet and my sex robot fell out, I would be embarrassed. And I can't put my finger on exactly why. I don't know why There's a little bit of shame there. Maybe it's because sex toys for men are kind of a taboo still nowadays. Like that is like an extreme toy.

You know, it's like, what part of it interests you? Yeah.

Also.

If we're talking about a full fledged, like doll from head to toe, this, this doll would have to represent a woman for me. It would have to be so realistic or it would fall under what's called the uncanny valley. Sorry, I'm in like the streets right now. The uncanny valley, which is a unsettling feeling that people experience when androids, they closely resemble humans, but they aren't quite there. There's something that's not quite right about it. So you look at this kind of dead life, lifeless face, and if it doesn't look exactly like a human, then we get unsettled by it. So I think that we're quite a ways away. But once we get there, hey, I'll be, I'll be A customer.

Okay, well, what do we think though, Brian Nicole, do you think that. How close are we to that? Yeah, closer than we think to, like a realistic robot where he'd be like, is my penis in a real human or is it an A robot? I do not know.

Look, I've seen realbotics Harmony AI and I did have that.

Yeah, you said honey Harmony, right? Yeah, yeah. She's the one that's the most well known right now robot.

She is. And they're doing amazing technology with her and using the artificial intelligence. But to your point, yeah, the uncanny valley definitely exists. I remember when she woke up and. Or we turned her on and I saw her, you know, light up and her eyes opened and she looked around and I thought, oh, my God, this is so real. And then her eyelid, like, failed a bit and I was like, there it comes. And I was like, this is. No, I'm not into this. So. Yeah, I totally agree with you. And I do think we're a bit further off with that. And like, to make it really real, I do think it has to be robotic in that. Yeah, the limbs can move and everything. At the moment, it's gonna hang in your wardrobe and it's really heavy. And if someone comes around and the heavy harmony falls out. Yeah, you probably are gonna be embarrassed. It is still fringe. And just like we were saying with dating apps before, you know, people were embarrassed with dating apps 10 years ago, or however long it was, but now it's normal. And so I can't imagine a In let's say 10, 15 years. 10, 15 years when this technology is good enough and people like, yeah, like.

This is my robot. Hello. Yeah. Yeah, Sally. It won't even matter.

It's kind of sad.

Yeah.

Thanks, Ryan. What about self pleasure? How is this gonna help women? Like, yeah, like, how is it gonna help women, you think? Like, OMGS is a great place to go.

Omgs, like websites and platforms. I know you probably speak a lot about toys. Like, you know, there's interesting evolution of vibrators, dildo sex toys that were, you know, the oldest one discovered 7,000 years ago that could be considered sex tech if we think about tech as just a tool. And today we have so many different sex toys that are either cocktail rings or necklaces. And also, she's got one. She's got the crave.

She's true. Got the crave. Yeah, the vesper.

It's. And so it's so interesting. Yeah, I think this is sex tech. Any technology that's designed to enhance your Sexuality. There's technology inside that necklace and then there's things that don't even have to vibrate. I mean, it doesn't look like a big phallic object. Kind of this sleek. Nice.

Well, I think that's awesome. I'm just gonna let y' all hear it. Cause I felt like it's strong. Oh, Er, hello.

How many settings does that have?

Whoa.

That's a third one.

A lot. This is my vibrator necklace. Sexwithemily.com Vesper Go to my Instagram. Sex with Emily could be a DJ type thing too. Yeah, I put these little sayings out. Sex with Emily phrases. Meditate, masturbate, manifest, turn me on and I come first. I've loved this company. I love Crate Mike.

This is so good. This is like a secret club. If you get one of these and then you see another friend and you're like, oh, you got that?

Yeah, we got it. Do you. Have you tried one of these? Do you like toys? How do you feel that?

Yeah. So what I was gonna mention is one of my faves is the womanizer. And that's not vibrating. That's it. I mean, air suction technology.

Jamie. Talk about she sleeps. You. You are essentially married to the womanizer.

I sleep with it under my bed pillow.

It turns the lights off. And yes.

Right. Like it's toaster. But she doesn't care.

When I have friends say over. I'm like, I gotta move it.

Yeah, maybe don't you love telling.

Well, if it's like a girlfriend, a.

Womanizer, you love it.

That I'm not trying to sleep with.

Yeah, I think that that's. That's a really cool tech. That's like, okay, cool. Like, thank goodness we discovered that you don't have to have like a big stone dildo or a big looking huge thing. You can have this amazing air suction technology. It's also super quiet. Now they're making the technology that's like, like very quiet. And it's designed for female anatomy. And this is the interesting thing I think about the evolution of, like, sex toys for women is we're really focusing on designing for women's bodies instead of just like something that looks well.

That's why there's so amazing to welcome so many women into the. The sex. The sex industry. Sex tech industry. There's so many women who are like. Because before toys were all made by men, they were like, all look like penises or the porn stars on the boxes. And right now we realize, because there is a stigma, we Hear this. Men are like, oh, the toy's gonna replace me. I'm like, it doesn't even look like your penis. It's not phallic. Most sex toys that you see, this little tiny vibrator on my neck can give me so much pleasure, but it's never gonna replace, you know, a penis necessarily. But your penis also doesn't do things that these little vibrators can do, and that's fine. And our orgasms, you know, I guess it's just more like that. We think that our orgasm.

Additive.

Yeah, it's an additive.

Yeah. Add it on.

Yeah. We're not obsessed with ufrallic objects like you are.

Yeah. You know, and who would want their penis to look like that?

You actually would. You'd be calling me right now if your penis looked like this. So true.

I mean, we covered the sex toys for women, but I'm curious what you think about sex toys for guys. I mean, they're saying there's not much out there for guys. For me, I look at the Fleshlight and a couple of other things, but have you looked at anything beyond that?

I really love that. The Fleshlight is great. Like, when I first started years ago, that was like, the one. I'm like, oh, have you tried a Fleshlight, which is the male masturbation sleeve, that they can kind of just apply different textures and pressures to your penis. If you're always using your hand, it might be nice to feel something different. But then there are things like, I truly. I like the hot octopus. Okay. Great masturbation.

Is that like a Tenga?

Yeah, it's kind of. It's different than a Tenga. It's kind of like a oscillator. It's not necessarily a vibrator. It has this little thing that oscillates around your frenulum, and it can feel great, and it can help people with disabilities. It's really. It's been actually great technology for men. I also love the. The things that, like, we Vibe is doing with WowTech with. You can use an app and men can kind of, you know, play with their balls or perineum. What are the new ones? The vector.

The vectors for the prostate and the perineum. And then the verge is like a ring that goes. That also hits your perineum.

This is cool.

Yeah.

See, now you're teaching me something about sex tech for men, because I always feel like I get that question about what? About me?

Yeah, no, there's a lot for sex tech for men. There are. There are a Lot more toys. I mean, I just feel like. Like, I don't know. I mean, I think some of this is falling away. But to have judgments around how we're gonna achieve orgasms and pleasure. As long as, like, everything is working for you and it's consensual, I'm still, I'm so open to learning about all of it. But this, there's a lot more out there for. For men and for women. For everybody.

Yeah.

Pleasure for all.

And then we have teledonyx, which is.

Let's talk about teli. Dildonics. I just love the word.

Can we just say tele. Dildonics. Teledonyx.

Okay, let's define Tele Dildonics.

Tely Dillon super connected sex toys. So via Bluetooth or a WI fi connection. And you can connect either a male masturbator or a female vibrator. People with vulvas, but it's basically connecting sex toys over a Bluetooth connection or wi Fi. So there's a couple of things that are interesting here. I often find that the Teledildonics are marketed towards couples, but I do wonder if couples actually are the ones using them. We see a lot of cam girls use them and that's a really great use of it. They're now incorporating that with VR technology as well. So you're getting a more realistic feeling.

Cam girls and VR technology makes absolute sense. Of course, that's what's driving the industry.

Yes. The more real you can get it in those instances where people are liking that they want it. But for long distance relationships, it's still interesting and got some mixed reviews. Sometimes simple is best. And like FaceTime or.

Yeah, I love that little FaceTime sex. Right. That can also enhance intimacy. So I have a question for you, Bryony Cole, feature of sex podcast, Sex tech expert here. How has being in the. People ask me this all the time, so I'm just gonna throw it back at you.

Do it.

How has being in the sex. At least you get to put tech there. It makes you a little more legit. I'm just sex with Emily, so she's obviously a prostitute. But for you, sex text features. How does it impact your sex life and dating life?

Yeah, it's been a interesting ride, I will say, outside the sex and dating life, just the general perception. When I started this podcast, I remember my mom called me up because I had an interview about Burning man, the Orgy Dome, and I was interviewing someone about that and how that had impacted their life. And I remember my mum calling Me up and being like, what are we going to tell our friends in Australia? So I had that aspect first, which was just like, okay, well, you're gonna have to deal with this. Coming from a tech background, I used to work at Microsoft, so it was like a big leap into the.

Yeah. She's like, I love that Microsoft part. Not so much. Orgy at Burning Man. Orgy.

Domes. She's like, I just couldn't listen anymore. So I was like, okay, Mom. So that took, you know, three years. But in terms sex life. Yeah, I think people think, you know, I. I recently got in a relationship and I put it on Facebook, so I was so excited. And all the jokes were like, with a robot.

Right.

So I think everyone thinks I just spend my life having sex with robots every day.

Right. So it does talk about it. Your job doesn't mean that.

Yeah, but you know what I like is that the more you talk about it, the more it normalizes the conversation.

For everyone else trying to do here.

Right.

I want to make it normal.

Can we just get people to talk about sex? It's not a dirty word. It's not a bad word. We're just trying to educate you and help you out because it's a very confusing planet. I understand that. Okay. Bryony Cole, So glad you're here. I have to thank you for coming in. I have five questions that we ask every guest. Oh, there are quickie questions. Are you ready?

Yeah.

Your biggest turn on.

Oh, my biggest turn on.

I didn't take that quickly, did I?

No.

Well, I think just like the. Just. Just tall, big people.

Biggest turnoff.

Fucking impolite people. Can I say yes?

Fuck, yeah.

Yeah, just people with no manners. Oh, it's the grossest thing.

What makes good sex?

Communication.

Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Oh. Have heaps of it and learn about yourself and just, like, go for it.

Number one, sex. Ah.

Just communicate what you want. Just tell people what you want.

Yeah.

And be a good listener.

You're right. How can people find you?

Easiest way. Future of Sex podcast. So you can look that up wherever you get your podcasts or on Instagram at Future of Sex.

All right, thanks for being here. All right, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into all your questions.

All right, guys, this is it. This is what I love. I love it. I love answering your questions. It's why I exist on the planet. If you want a question answered on the show, just go to sexwithemily.com click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, or email us feedbackexwithemily.com I just ask that you please include your name and you can change your name. We don't care your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. All right, thanks, guys. Jamie, you want to read the emails?

Of course. Okay, so this first one comes to us from Jeff, who's 27, and Alice. Hi, Dr. Emily. My wife and I have been together for five years now, married for two. We have a fairly active sex life, and my absolute favorite thing to do is go down on her. I could do that for hours. What a saint. However, it seems like she doesn't have the same enthusiasm as I do about giving oral. And a couple times she's actually made me bleed because of her teeth. How do I approach this with her in a loving way without making her feel bad? And also avoid slamming the BJ door shut, never to be opened again.

All right, Jeff, I'm sorry that you're bleeding and having pain. This is not what we want from the oral sex sitch. So here's the thing. There's a few reasons why people often don't have enthusiasm around oral. Like, maybe she one time had a bad experience with it, and she was with a guy and she tried to give him oral and he was like, that's really bad. Or something happened and we just kind of locked down. We just kind of shut down and decided that we're not going to do oral. If she's causing you pain, it sounds to me like maybe she is. Doesn't really know the right way or she's never been directed on how to actually give proper oral sex. So my favorite thing is the compliment sandwich. It works wonders because the sex talk is hard. You guys, I get it. It's not easy to talk about our sex life, and usually we just don't say anything at all because we're terrified that our partners are going to judge us, leave us, shame us. So the best thing to do is just to start out. Here's the compliment sample ready? Something that's really something that you love about your sex life. So, babe, God, I really love when you go down on me. You know how much I love going down on you? Oral sex, you know, can feel so amazing, but sometimes I feel when you're doing it, your teeth graze me in a way that that can be kind of painful. So it would be great if I can give you some tips. Maybe you could use your tongue and maybe your lips Some more. Maybe we can use some lube that help makes it, you know, slide along a little easier. I think that would make it feel better for you and for me and I that when you do perform oral on me, it makes me feel so much more loved by you. So it's a great way to phrase it whenever you're trying to talk to your partner about something by leading with something that you really do love, that's positive, kind of putting in something you like to change and then ending up with why you think it would be great for both of you. And that's really how we want to have the sex talk. Because if you can't figure into figure into this equation, maybe your request is kind of selfish. Maybe it's more about your pleasure. So if you can think about why do I want this thing for my partner and how can it really enhance both of our sex life, that's what you're going to want. Now listen, if she's not really enthusiastic about oral sex, and again, it could be, clearly she doesn't have a lot of experience with it or she doesn't know what she's doing. You can let her know how much you love performing on her and how it makes you feel loved and maybe also give her some more tips. But then you could ask her if she's like, nope, I just don't want to do it. It's not my thing. Find out. We often forget to actually ask the why star partner. Well, what, what do you think? In a very open conversation, no judge, shaming, blaming. So what is it about oral? You think that doesn't sit right for you? What is it? You know, is there something that happened, is there's ways that, you know, help you through it because you don't want to close the door on oral. So again, it's not going to get solved with one conversation. You guys, you know that this sex conversation is something that you practice and you have it often and that's how you're going to have the sex life that you want. Thanks for your email, Jeff.

Okay, this next one comes to us from Kristin, 26, in Florida. Hi there. I have no idea how to even word this. I'm a single female that works with nearly all men in a male dominated field and nearly all of them are, are married. Yet one of the men I work closely with who is married has been flirting with me and trying to get physical while at work and has put me in an uncomfortable position because I am not into it at all. I'm very fortunate to not have dealt with anything like this at previous jobs. So I'm clueless on what to do. Do you have any tips on how to get him to stop without having to tell my. Our supervisors who are all males. I've since just been avoiding being alone with him as much as possible and don't want to move departments since I'm in. In my dream position. Thank you.

All right, Kristen, thank you so much for sending in your question. I'm really sorry that you're going through this and it sounds like you are in a tough situation. Now, I understand that you don't want to go to your supervisors, but I really think that is the best way you're going to deal with this. I know you're in your dream position, but there's been a lot happening now in our country, you know, with me too. This is a common situation in the workplace. And I'm hoping if you're at the right company at your dream job, that there's going to be people there that are to going. Going to help you. Are there any other women in the office that perhaps you could talk to first and get their take on it? You know, that's why if something does happen, they are aware of this conversation. And if you have hr, that's why they're there. Even if you don't take action, make them aware of this as well. Now listen, you can also let him know that you want to keep everything professional, that you find that his, his advances are not professional and that you don't feel comfortable spending time with him. You need your space that when he's touching you, that, that's not okay. Now if this doesn't work and you still feel like he's hounding you and then this is a problem and you still haven't gone to the supervisors.

I don't know. I just put this part as. I just.

No, I think you have. Listen, I think you have to go to your supervisors. If it's your dream job, then you're going to have a dream supervisors. But if they kind of everyone there just you're saying that they're married and they're old boys club, then maybe you could find this dream position at a company that's going to respect you, respect women, and be able to get. Give you, you know, the kind of work environment that you deserve because we. You don't have to be in an environment like that. Not in 2019. I'm telling you, 20 years ago I was environments like that and I didn't know. I didn't Know that It wasn't that. I never thought it was, like, abnormal. I'm like, okay, men are going to hit on women, and I'm just going to kind of smile and keep going. But we are at a different place right now. There's different laws set up, and I want you to take care of yourself. And if they don't take care of you, this company, I promise you, you will find a job elsewhere.

Yes.

Take care of yourself.

Definitely.

Yeah, dude.

I mean, it's tough.

That is tough. I mean, it sucks, dude. I was in those positions a lot. I used to work in politics, and it was like, I just assumed that men were groping and weird and, like, that's. I would never do anything. But that's what you had to kind of go through to get to. To just kind of live and exist in a company like that. Especially working in politics, you're like, okay, they're gonna be gropy and. But it was. I thought it was the president doing business.

No, exactly. And it's just like, that's. You're at work most of your time. You want to feel comfortable there. All right, well, I hope it works out for you.

Yes. Keep us posted.

Definitely. Oh, my God. Please. All right, this next one comes to us from Tyler, 27, in Hawaii. Hi, Dr. Emily. Are there any good male penis vibrators? Non prostate. I was thinking about if there was such a thing, like how women have fibers for themselves to orgasm, but for men. If so, I'd love to know what some good ones are. Thank you. Let's love your show.

All right, Tyler, I'm so glad you asked this question because. Yes, yes, yes. There are some amazing toys for men now, even in the last five years, I have to say, very excited about the male market. So Hot Octopus makes some great penis vibrators. There's a Pulse 3, and that essentially, like, wraps around your frenulum and it oscillates. So it's kind of like a little like a cozy for your penis.

That's exactly what I was thinking. That's exactly what it looks like.

It's like a cozy, and it's kind of sitting there, and it stimulates your frenulum, which is, you know, the underside of your penis, where the shaft meets tip, and that can feel amazing. Hot Octopus also makes the jet, and it's like these two metal balls surrounded by a silicone ring that also vibrates on your frenulum. And then there's the We Vibe Verge, which is a penis ring that you actually put your balls through so it vibrates your shaft, your balls and your perineum. And there is also the G Vibe or the G Vibe mini. And this can be used by any. It can be used by anyone with any body part and it feels great. You can stroke it up and down the shaft of the penis. You can use it in all different parts of the body. It's great for massaging different body parts and I think you'd really like any of those. So you can check them out all on our site sexdomy.com click on the shop tab and you will find those. Let me know what you like. Tyler and I always get lube. Lube, lube, Lube. All right guys, thank you so much for listening to the show, for supporting it, for reviewing us. Wherever you listen. Give us five stars. We love that. Thanks for sharing it with a friend, you guys, and just for supporting the show all these years. I love you all. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, Elisa, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbacksexwithemily.com.

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