The Key to Sexual Confidence

Yes. If you feel it and something's hurting you and you're feeling like it's making you, you know, feel bad about yourself or not trusting in your partner, whatever it is, then guess what, you guys, it's legit. I'm here to tell you that your feelings are real. What you're feeling in the moment is okay, and it's cool to share it with a loving, open partner.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. So what does it mean to be sexually confident? In my opinion, it comes from a sense of security in who you are and what you bring to the table. And knowing that it's okay to ask questions, it's not having all the answers. Because, let's be honest, sex would be boring if we knew everything already. But when your self image takes a hit, how do you recover your sexual confidence and combat performance anxiety? I'm talking to callers with precisely that question. What to do when your partner keeps talking about how hot strangers are even when you told them it makes you uncomfortable? What happens when you're not maintaining your erections and it's causing anxiety? Or how about when your partner is more sexual than ever, but not towards you? All this and more in today's sexual confidence episode, Intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show, and I encourage you all to do the same. My intention is to remind you that our confidence is always in a state of flux and if your sexual confidence is low today or anytime, no worries. With with the right tools, you can cultivate sexual security whether you're single or partnered. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new articles, Sexual Stereotypes to Stop Believing about Vulva Owners and Sexual Stereotypes to Stop Believing about Penis Owners are up@sexwithemily.com check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And by the way, my TikTok is up and running right now, so please check it out if you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or Message me at sexwithemily.com askemily or call my hotline 559-talk-SEX or 559-825-5739. Always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show, and you can change your name or choose to remain anonymous. It's all good before we get into today's show, real quick, I'm coming out with a book and I'm so excited to share it all with you. So it comes out June 13th. It's a compilation of my life's work and it's really going to change your life too. I know it. It's called Smart, how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure and what I need from you right now. And I don't ask you for a lot, I really don't. But I'm going to ask you a huge, huge favor and I really hope you can pre order the book because it really helps get the book into as many hands as possible and we want it to become a bestseller. So everybody has great sex. You can pre order at sex with emily.com just go to the dropdown menu, select new book and it's super easy from there. Or you can easily go to the show Notes. So just pre order it. You can request it at your libraries, pre order from indie bookstores, just pre order. I appreciate you so much. Thanks everyone. Enjoy this episode.

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Could orgasm anxiety be holding you back? So think about it. When you think about sex, we hear about performance anxiety and that's pretty much always been labeled a guy thing, right? Oh, he comes too quickly or he can't stay hard long enough and it's a lot of pressure on men. However, Women also suffer similar bedroom challenges and it can definitely mess with, with desire and rob women of satisfying sexual experiences. So let me give you example of this female performance anxiety. She might be worried when she's naked, what do I look like? What's my partner thinking that I look like? What does she smell like or taste like down there? Does my partner really want to be there anyway? She wonders whether she's doing it right. Does she have all the right moves or all the wrong moves? And she just wants to know, am I pleasing my partner? And then the biggest stressor, and I can totally relate to this, taking too long to climax. And if I'm taking too long, will I even get there at all? We wonder if we're going to orgasm. And so this whole thing, all this pre orgasmic angst is actually the FPA female performance anxiety. I've had these thoughts I've had times and they actually don't necessarily go away. I'm not saying you're never going to have these kind of anxiety, but it's very common for women to be with a partner and think, do they want to be doing this? I even have moments with my current partner. We have great communication. And I'll think, okay, this is taking longer. And I'll say, babe, are you cool? I know it's taking longer. He's like, yeah, yeah, I've got this. I'm in. I've got it all night. I will be here. Even though I know I have a partner who's loving and he's in it. Sometimes even I need to ask for that. So what I'm saying is be okay with asking for what you need and taking that time. And I think what's really helped and I've, and I've said this, and I want to remind this to a lot of people out there. If you are with a woman, some of the best things you can say is, don't worry babe, I've got all night. I'm not going anywhere. I can't wait to please you. Pleasing you gives me so, so much pleasure. It's really hot. Now lay back, I've got this. Or however you want to say that helping women ease this anxiety so we can actually have the pleasure that we want. Because let's be honest, it's not always easy. Our orgasms are like, not as simple as men's. Right? So we need a little bit more support from our partners. And yes, a lot of the work comes from quelling our own thoughts and our own anxieties. Because what happens is when we're really anxious about things, when our brain's just in this, does I probably want to be doing it? Does he think I gained weight or I don't feel so great? Our brain is caught up in this world of anxious thoughts. And it's literally impossible at that time when our brain is consumed to fully be in our bodies and fully allow us to experience that pleasure. When our brain is just freaking out about all these other thoughts, we're essentially in that fight or flight mode where we're like, oh my God, I'm. I'm so anxious. Something's going to happen to me. And we can't rest into our bodies. So here's some tips to kind of eradicate that anxiety. You know, I love this one. Touch yourself solo sex. That does help with everyday stress. It releases all those feel good chemicals and hormones through your body. And it's also a great way to learn what satisfies you, what turns you on. So then you can relay to your partner when it's taking too long or it's just your partner's just not quite getting it. You know, you are the expert of your own body. There is nobody else who knows your body as well as you do. But that takes some work. So when you figure that out, you can let them know. You can say, this is what I need because you've done that fun work of touching yourself. Silence those negative thoughts. Easier said than done. However, being confident in yourself is the biggest turn on to yourself and to others. Also, this is where I talk about the senses, you guys. Engaging your senses on every level will help you feel more present in the mood. Relaxing with certain scents turns out essential oils. You know, I'm a big fan of lighting candles, but essential oils, which I did not know. A lavender scented massage candle can double as a relaxant and a sultry foreplay treat. So I love a massage candle. It's a twofer, it smells great and then you pour the warm massage oil and lavender it helps helps for relaxing. I know lavender is great for relaxation, like in spas and stuff, but to think about it in the moment during sex makes total sense. Finally, watch your breath. I'm telling you, when we are holding our breath, which we often do when we're anxious, it's really hard to fully experience the range of sensations and pleasure that we should be feeling. So when you feel that your breath is probably short, and I'm telling you, usually when I check in with myself, it kind it is during sex, I just take really long, deep breaths. I like Breathe in really deep. I try to picture it going deep into my pelvic floor and. And then moving back up through my body. So it's a really deep inhale and exhale. And these will help you pull you out of that anxious place and anchor you in your body so we can get rid of all this anxiety. We actually have Test 31 in Colorado, and she's got a comment.

I've had anxiety. I can very much relate to the feeling of, you know, being in my head and not really being able to be in my body during sex. And that's how they help me to frame it in that way, to think about it, like, being in my head or in my body and especially during sex. And so sometimes it helps to ground me and to connect with my partner when. When I can focus on just, like. So even just like, one area, you know, one sensation, it doesn't. You can, like, choose to focus, you know, where, like, on the lips or whatever that might be, and then to channel, like, coming back into my body and getting out of my head through that. Through that sensation. And so I don't know that if that helps at all, but that helps.

No, that does help. That's exactly.

No, Tess. That's so helpful. That's exactly it. Finding, you know. Yeah, thank you, Tess. That's exactly it. That's like the senses. You could even just say, you know, something that I do as well. Test. Super helpful. Is that, like, I'll say.

Focus on what I'm feeling. Right. Like, she's right. Because when we're anxious, it means we're in our head. So it'd be like, my hands are my partner's body. What does it feel like to have my hands touching his waist? What did my lips feel like on his lips? And then that's touch, right? Then that's the sensation of touch. It could be scent. What does he smell like? You know? And every time. Yeah, you could just pick one. Because I used to always say, do all five senses, and that might be overwhelming in the moment. Like, what do I smell? What do I hear? But one just going to. What does my body feel like? Skin on skin or what am I feeling? And sometimes you have to go back to it, right, Tess?

Yeah, Even, like, smells or like. Yeah, just anything like that is just helpful for me to come back down.

Yeah, exactly. So thank you, Tess. Appreciate it. So helpful. This is from Nico 32 in Seattle. Hello, Dr. Emily. One of my friends told me about your podcast, and I've been listening to it pretty much non Stop. I love the show. My question is this, how do I deal with my body image issues? Specifically about the size of my penis? So it's a little below average, about 5.6 inches fully erect. And while flaccid, it doesn't really hang. It kind of looks like a button. Yes, I'm a bit overweight. I'm six 1 and 254 pounds. And I know that doesn't help. However, my penis has looked this way my whole life. Even when I was 189 pounds, I've only ever had sex with one person with were together for 13 years. I am now attempting to get back into the dating game. However, my negative body image issues are absolutely destroying my self confidence. Any advice would be extremely appreciated. Well, I'm so happy you found the show. You've definitely come to the right place, Nico. And listen, many of us struggle to feel confident in our bodies. Honestly, it's a daily practice for many of us. So just want to normalize that. It can definitely manifest itself in the dating space. Seen. And one of the most attractive things in a partner is confidence. So it is worthwhile looking at our relationship to confidence. I'm gonna address that in a minute though. But first, let me set something straight about your penis. Okay, let's just talk facts. I know that you think your penis size is a little below average, but that's actually not true. We had our resident penis doctor, Dr. Cartman, on the show last month and he told us that the average penis length is in this country is five and a quarter inches. So you're actually above average, Nico, in the United States. So take that in. And I'm not exactly sure where this 6 inch myth came from. Probably something to do with porn. But I can assure you that your partners are not busting out their mental measuring tapes when you have sex. Okay? That's not a thing. In fact, if you're with a vulva owner, our greatest pleasure is probably not going to come from anything that has to do with your penis. Usually our pleasure comes from the fingers, toys or a mouth. That's where the magic happens. But now we've discussed your penis size, which is just a little part of this. Let's step back and discuss your overall body image issues. Everyone's relationship with their bodies is a journey, okay? We are all on a journey. I don't know anyone who isn't, to be honest. And that fluctuates over time. Like I said, even every single day. Some days you wake up, you're feeling great, next day not so much. So even if you're already struggling with a negative body image, it can be really hard to go from disliking to loving your body. Right. How do we go from not liking our body and then being like, oh, today I love my body. Which, you know, a lot of people can't preach like, oh, I love my body. So I just want to recommend learning to accept or even just feeling neutral about your body. Body neutrality is a real thing because when we hate our body as well, it's really hard to go from like, I hate my body and low, let me feel sexy and in the moment and be turned on by my partner. Like, it's really hard. Why? This practice of body neutrality is important. And before you can feel comfortable with your body and another person, you know, we want to work on some practices. So the first one I recommend is standing in front of the mirror naked. I know this could be hard for some people, but it really is an important step. I put a mirror right outside my closet, so I can't really avoid it even days I don't want to. There's my mirror. And you can just start with five minutes and then work your way up. Over time and out loud. I want you to say the things that you're grateful for about your body. I'm grateful for my legs taking me all the places I need to go. I'm grateful for my hips providing me with strength and stability. I love the color of my eyes, you know, I love that it allows me to stand out from the crowd, that I have these beautiful eyes or I like my hair, I like the strength, I like the way my hands allow me to pick things up or play an instrument or drive my car. See what I'm saying? In every moment we have so much to be grateful for. And I know grateful, you're like whatever, gratitude, blah blah blah. But the reason why everyone recommends gratitude is because it wants works. Even in moments of sadness and despair, we can find some things to be grateful for, you know, especially the parts of your body that are more self conscious about. Every time a negative thought comes up, try to let it pass. Think of the one thing that you are grateful for of your body. Like it'll be a lot more easier to access once you do the mirror exercise and counteract it with an appreciation for what that body part does for you beyond your body image. You might also be feeling a little bit nervous about dating in general since you've only ever been with one person and you were with that person for a really long Time. And I want to remind you that dating is a muscle. It is a muscle, and we don't date. Kind of forget how to do it. So if you connect with someone over an app, say yes to the date and meet in real life. None of this texting back and forth. Make a plan to meet, go for a walk, meet for a cup of coffee. Like, that's okay. It can only be an hour or two at most of your life. If you don't want to be with someone right away, it's one hour. You had to have coffee anyway, right? Maybe you wanted to get in your steps that day. We have nothing to lose by connecting with someone. I feel on dates that I've said yes to that weren't such great dates, I always take something away from it. Either I learn what I definitely want in a partner or what I don't want, or I used to find things on dating apps like, well, I gotta make sure that I've learned this about dating apps. Like, if someone says this, it might mean this, right? I always try to, like, walk away from what I've learned. And sometimes I just learn something new. Like they told me to their favorite restaurant in LA that I didn't know about before. And to me, that's worth it, right? It's worth it. Nothing to lose. And if the date is even somewhat enjoyable, say yes to the second date. We often make first impressions about people, but how can you really know about someone after only an hour? So I want to just tell you all that. If the first date is good, even it's not great, and you're on the fence, say yes to a second date. Plus, the more you practice, you know, having to meet up with people, leave the house, the less intimidating and scary it will be. So we are building this muscle again. I know you've been with one person, but I can assure you there are so many other amazing people out there who would love to meet you. So, Nico, thank you. Thank you for your question, and I hope this helps. And I know this is going to help a lot of other listeners. Appreciate you stick around because when we're back, I'm talking penis performance anxiety and what to do when your partner keeps making comments about other people.

All right, let's talk to Calvin, 52, in Louisville, Kentucky. Hi, Calvin, thanks for calling. How can I help?

Well, yeah, so got a bit of a concern. I've been married for 32 years. I'm actually 56. My wife is going through, I guess, a phase, and also she's working out, you know, she's taking supplements and she's noticing other men now. We've been married in college, and I'm trying to, you know, kind of try to. Try to mentally deal with that.

Yeah.

Not something that, you know, that. That I've experienced what we've experienced in our relationship. She's went out, she bought a couple of vibrators.

Nice.

For personal use.

All right. I think that's okay.

And so help me, you know, get.

Used to this, Calvin. I will. I will. I mean, thank you, I think. Okay, so, Calvin, first off, how is your relationship right now? Like, how is your intimate relationship with your wife currently?

Well, it. For her, I think it's more what we are, intimate. We have sex maybe twice a week.

Okay.

It's more so whenever, you know, whenever she chooses. I've kind of backed away from. From approaching her.

Why?

You know, she's very. Well, partly because.

I. Well, I've kind of lost a little self confidence.

Okay. Because she gained confidence, you think? Like, do you think that her gaining confidence has caused you to lose confidence?

You know, that. That could be it. Partly because, again, you know, with her using the vibrators and, you know, being open about it, it's. It's. That in itself is kind of.

I get. It's a new thing. Yeah, no, I understand that. Like, 30 years you've been together, it's like, what are these vibrators? You know, it feels like a violation. I totally get that, Calvin.

And, you know, it's. And like I said, she's, you know, she's. She's taking supplements. She, at one point in time was taking. Actually she's taking testosterone now.

Okay, well, that. That could be part of it for sure that she has this new sex drive. So. Have you guys talked about this at all? Calvin, I mean, this just sounds like you have to have a conversation with her about. About intimacy and your. And your sex life and how it's making you feel and what you might want right now from it.

Right, right. So I have. And. And you know, what I've realized is for most of our marriage, you know, it's. It's. He's. She's had. I'm not gonna say she's had a lack of a sex drive, but. But my sex drive is always. Has always been higher than hers.

Okay.

And so, you know, she. She wanted to have a sex drive herself.

Yeah.

And so she. She sought medical assistance. You know, she went to her clinic, and. And like I said, she's on hormones now. And. And so she's Having this sex drive. And. And like I said, it's. It. It almost seemed as if I'm not adequate enough anymore.

Okay, so.

So that's what I'm trying to.

Because of the toys, you mean? Because of that. So. Okay, so here's the thing. I talk a lot about sex toys on the show, and I recommend them a lot for couples because in a way, it's really not something that takes away from your relationship. It mean it doesn't have to be. Typically, it's enhancement. It's something new. It's something that can help her have orgasms. It can feel great for you, too. So I feel like I. And I get that all this is happening at once. She's changing her body. But I'm here to tell you that in all the years I've been doing this, Calvin, no one's ever been replaced by a vibrator. And in fact, the majority of couples who finally start using one together after they get past this are like, oh, my God, it feels amazing. I love watching her in pleasure. I love how it feels on my shaft. We like using it together. It just becomes another. Another element to your sex life because, you know, sex drive, sex lives are going to become a little dull after a while. So I feel like I understand because I hear this all the time, but it's not the reality of the situation.

So I think I know I need to understand that. And I gather, like I said, it. It's not just the vibrators. It's. It's.

It's everything.

Yeah. And like I said, I was. You know, she was. You know, she was a virgin, but I. When. When we met and when we got married. And so I just don't know if it's. If it's time that she's thinking maybe she needs, you know, something new, something.

I don't think so. Calvin. Have you talked to her about it? Have you. Like, outside the bedroom. I mean, it sounds like this is all just happening. Just happened last few months, the last year or so.

Yep. Last. Last few months.

Okay. Oh, last few months. That. Yeah. I think you got to have a talk with her and just say I. And first you've just start out and this is like outside the bedroom when you're hanging out, chilling, watching tv, going for a walk, and just say, you know what I've noticed lately? I'm so proud of you. You took your health into. You know, you're proud of her that she's taking care of herself and she looks so beautiful or whatever her. If that Would feel good to her, letting her know how she feels and how she looks and said, I want to be a part of this. Like, I. I love seeing you sewing your body and I want to work, you know, show me a bit of your toys or, you know, or ask her questions about it too. You could even. I mean, you've been with her for 30 years. I think that leading with like, that, you're not. You're not slamming her. You're celebrating her decision to take her health into her own hands and. And letting her know that it's making you feel a little bit insecure. I mean, I think it's okay to share that with your partner and asking her, like, without blaming her, like, in a very, like, just letting her know how it makes you feel, leading with your feeling words.

Gotcha.

Okay, start with that one conversation, Calvin. And I think also you should initiate sex with her too. Like, I think that she would want that. But you have to remember that it's your head saying, I shouldn't. So she asked her what she wants right now. You know, she's new as well. She's in a new place now, too. So you could say, tell me what your fantasies are. Tell me what you're thinking about. Maybe she's got this new sex drive that will also amp your sex drive, because a lot of it is in our heads anyway, getting our brains on board for sex. So just try to have some healthy conversations, Calvin. Keep me posted. Thanks for calling. We have an email here from Michaela. She's 23 in Georgia. My boyfriend of three years is very honest. He doesn't like to keep anything from me or he feels it's lying. He likes to play who would you rather have sex with? With me. He also likes to point out hot girls to me or talk about how hot a girl is to his friends in front of me. Even on vacation, he said I was more lucky because I had more hot guys to look at than he had hot girls to look at. I know that everyone thinks these things, but is it unfair of me to ask him at least to keep it to himself, or am I taking too much crap? I've brought it up to before that I don't love it that much. And he replies, do you want me to lie? First of all, the one thing I want to point is I don't know that everyone thinks it. So you're making an assumption here, McKill, that you think every guy is just sitting there going, or every girl is going to, oh, man, that person's hot. But I'm gonna not avert my eyes or I'm not gonna look at them. I'm gonna pretend it isn't happening. Yes, we all notice someone hot, but I'm telling you, not every guy or every woman is that focused on what else is going on around them when they're in a relationship with their partner. Yeah, you might notice someone, but it's not like you feel the need to share that. So I don't think that this is particularly like, you know, like an everyone does this kind of thing. So it definitely exists on the planet for sure. So I think you absolutely, absolutely have to let him know for you, it doesn't feel right. And I. This doesn't feel right to me either. Like, if I was with a guy and we're on this vacation together, right? I mean, two favorite words, vacation. Sex. Vacation is about sex and intimacy and enhancing your relationship. If I had a guy's like, look at that chick. I mean, come on, we're all just like two steps from being insecure about things in relationships often, right? Like, let's just, you know, I get insecure. We all do. So if I had a guy who's constantly going, like, oh, why didn't you wear a bikini today? Or oh, oh, God, look at her legs, right? I'm five foot two and he's talking, looking at some like six foot tall woman, that just could be really disconcerting. And it goes both ways. So I think you're totally fine to say to him. I know you're thinking it, but I really, I'd much rather hear what you see when you look at me or actually, babe, no, I'm not sitting here looking at other guys. I'm just looking at you and thinking how lucky I am that I get to have sex with you. Because you're, to me, you're the only guy on the beach or you're the most attractive or whatever. Doesn't sound cheesy to you? But I think the reason why he's doing it, though, I also don't think your guy, he's a bad guy, right? I think that this is just maybe how he grew up. His friends are like this, his buddies are like that. Maybe his previous girlfriends were cool with it. But that doesn't mean that you need to be okay with it. He doesn't have to share it with you now. He might find this to be a turn on, right? So saying like, would you rather have sex with me this one or that one? Like, I could see like in a celebrity game being like, who's your celebrity crush? But to constantly be like, that person or that person in real life is, number one, exhausting. And number two, is. Doesn't feel very safe. Women report the highest level of sexual satisfaction when we feel safe and we feel like we can trust someone. So if our partner's constantly, like, spreading all this love or spreading all this, like, interest in all these other people, I would not feel safe, and I would not feel like I was not see if they're gonna hurt me, but, like, safe in our love and our commitment. So there could be a lot of reasons why he's doing this, and maybe he could find another way to scratch that itch rather than pointing out all the other hot girls around you. And I think this is something that. Yeah, sure, guys probably. I'm sure men and women do it when they're alone with their friends. But I think that in the past when this has happened in relationships, I've actually had guys say to me, do you mind? Or, like, how do you feel about me? Pointing at other women? Like, would you think that was hot? And I was like, every once in a while would be kind of fun, you know, to say that. But I'm really glad they asked. And I think in the past, I do remember being with those guys who just. Their head, like, their neck turns every time you're walking down the street because they're looking at someone else or they're saying things. And that just. I think I let him know that I just. I didn't need to hear it. It didn't feel great to me. And I'm totally cool with them having those thoughts. But there's so many things to talk about, because it does seem like it's a little bit intense assessment that he's doing it all the time. So I'm wondering what he needs from this game. Like, I'm wondering what he's getting from it. Like, if he knows that it's gonna kind of get an interest. If he knows, Michaela, that it's going to kind of spark this incense in you, that you're going to say something. Or is he. Does he maybe does think it's hot? Or maybe he thinks it'd be hot if you guys had a threesome or watched porn together with another women. Like, I'm not sure what else this means. All you guys asking, is it okay? Is it okay? Yes. If you feel it and something's hurting you and you're feeling like it's making you, you know, feel bad about yourself or not trusting in your Partner, whatever it is, then guess what, you guys, it's Lydia. I'm here to tell you that your feelings are real. What you're feeling in the moment is okay. And it's cool to share it with a loving, open partner. This next call is from Jimmy's 49 in Texas. And he's struggling to relax during sex. Hey Jim, thanks for calling.

I guess mostly worrying about getting an erection, I guess.

Okay. Because you haven't been getting one lately or.

That is again it very inconsistent.

Okay.

And at times, like I've actually lost some weight and I'm exercising a lot more and doing a lot more things than I. But then for some reason I've actually had a harder time getting an erection.

Okay. Have you tried, like, are you taking any medications?

No.

Okay. And also, have you gotten your testosterone checked, your hormone levels checked?

I have not.

That's where I would send you first. I'm telling you, you know, over 40, you're with men, your testosterone levels don't. And if there's, if you're otherwise living a healthy lifestyle, I would think that losing weight and exercising and being healthy wouldn't have an impact. And if you're still into your partner and you're still like enjoying it, there's not like resentments build up and it's just really like, oh my God, my penis usually stays hard and now it's not, or it can't get hard. Then I would talk to your doctor and get your levels checked again.

When I'm really relaxed, it works a lot better, obviously. But then other times I'm almost ahead of time thinking, okay, I'm going to have a problem here. And then I.

Right, okay, so this is so great. So Jim, this is like the classic like this happens to everybody. And women were like, am I gonna like one? It only has to happen one time for guys sometimes to premature ejaculate or not get hard. And then they all, it becomes like this self fulfilling prophecy, right? Like self fulfilling penis. I was trying to think of like self fulfilling penis prophecy that you're like, oh, I'm not gonna get hurt. I'm not gonna say hard and then it's gonna happen. So I would say that it's really about retraining your brain. And this is just the same. Have you ever done any like mindfulness or meditation exercises? The thing I want to tell you is that we all do this during sex. We orgasm block ourselves or we get so in our heads about how do I look, what does my partner think? Or that I'm not going to have an orgasm because I never had an orgasm. And then, sure enough, you're not going to have an orgasm. So my best tips is that go easy on yourself, but then also learn to kind of retrain your brain to when you're in that moment, the second your thought goes to I'm not going to have an orgasm, you have to replace it with for me, what works is being in the moment. Like, okay, I go to that thought and then I think, oh, I'm looking at my partner, I'm feeling my hands on their body. I try to incorporate all of my senses. So, like, touch my hands are my partner's body. I'm seeing my partner's beautiful face. I'm smelling this amazing candle that I just lit. I'm hearing the music. And when you anchor yourself in what's happening, present time, in the moment, you can't be in your head tripping about an erection or about your orgasm. It just, it immediately drops you into the moment. And I do that even when I'm just like during the day, if I'm stressed about something, I try to remember to do that. So that also can help you during sex.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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