The Real Deal with Dating with Hannah Cranston

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom ey they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cuz my man e here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standard. Oh my, the women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com you can easily subscribe to our podcast. You can find us on social media everywhere. Exwithemily. I love hearing from you. We also love when you review us on itunes and give us a comment. We read those as well, especially the good ones. I love Those. But I will not judge you. If you've got something to say, we'll take it. We just want you to listen to the show so you can have better sex and relationships, because that's why I exist on the planet. And I'm excited to welcome my guest today who's gonna help me help you have better sex as well and relationships. It's Hannah Cranston. Hannah Cranston is a host, producer, and content creator, and you can find her on Instagram at Hannah Cranston. Hi.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you, Hannah?

I'm great. I'm so happy to be here.

This is so fun. We've swapped content before you've done the podcast, and I love having you here.

I love being here. You have such a cool environment. You've got great people working here.

I'm really, really good.

I always feel very welcome.

You are so welcome.

I feel like we have a good relationship.

We do, too. We already decided we were going to take it to the next level.

We did.

Yeah. For like, maybe lunch, dinner. We had.

We talked about it. We, you know, communication is the best lubrication I've heard.

Thank you. It is true. I love that in a relationship, you know, to kind of like, where are we going with this? I could be like, great to see you. But you were like, no, we have a connection. Like, let's even. It's a friendship or a relationship. Something romantic. Why spend so much time in her head thinking, like, I should have woulda, coulda asked that person where we want this to go?

Totally.

So sweet.

Always put it all on the T.

Put it out there. I love it. Okay, so what's going on with you, Hannah? Tell us something.

I've met my soulmate. I have. He does have four legs, but I feel like that's a minor logistical detail.

Totally.

So I do have a dog, which has been, you know, just the love of my life and sort of being a roadblock for my love life. But that's okay because I love him so much. And I'm just, you know, working on some really cool things that I will announce in the future.

Okay. The near future.

But, yeah, everything has gone well.

Okay. When we've talked. So you have the dog now and you said, kind of putting a damper on your love life. I know in the past you talked, you've dated, you were dating online, doing a lot of swapping on the apps, right?

Yeah, I'm on, like, 10 different apps right now.

Don't make the face. It is hard out there. But if you got it in, you stay on the apps.

It is time consuming, but I keep hearing with the whole dating app thing that it's all in the numbers, which is such a shitty thing to hear.

Dating's always been about the numbers. The more yeses you say to those invitations that you don't really want to go to that person's house, but you like some of their friends for their barbecue. Like, that's how you meet people.

Yeah, but I really like sweatpants.

I know. I was like. With all I know, I think of all the time I spend getting ready in my life. Like, could for sure solve world hunger or maybe learn, like a third language or something.

Absolutely.

That's a waste of time.

That's how the man holds women down.

Exactly. What does he do? He might shower. He might shower. Right. But we've got, like, outfits and make makeup and things. No, you're right. I like sweatpants too. That's true. So you can stay home and swipe more often than going out.

Yeah. I definitely spend way more time on the apps than I go on the actual dates themselves. But I've been going on a few dates. There was a period of a few weeks where I was going on, like, two dates a week, which is big for me because I don't date on school nights.

Right. Okay.

I have things to do. So that's like two weekend nights.

That's a lot you do on the weekend.

Yeah.

So Friday, Saturday, when do you see your friends? Like, when are we gonna have din.

Well, I see my friends.

I guess it's better. We could see. Thursdays are better anyway.

Yeah, I like that. Or Sunday. Sunday night family dinner with my girlfriends is great.

Okay, here's my question for you. So Friday, Saturday, you have a date and you probably. I've dabbled in the apps, for sure. I think when you're single and you want to find someone, you're. You gotta include them. I don't see why people don't, like, just do that and go out. But you're saying that Friday and Saturday you're like, nope, it's just for dating. And when you probably match with a lot of people as well, is what I was gonna say. Doing so many apps, I'm sure you meet a lot of people.

Yeah, I match.

How do you decide who gets Friday, who gets Saturday? Do you ever do two? Like, one for drinks, one for dinner? No. I have done that. Right? No, you have to.

You have to.

You gotta double up.

Plus, you already have your makeup on. You took Your, you know, yoga pants off, so, like, might as well make the best use of it.

Exactly.

But I found that sometimes that can be problematic. One time because I met a guy for coffee somewhere, and then a few hours later, I had a dinner date at a restaurant.

And.

And that guy walked in.

I know the guy from the earlier date. What'd you do?

I just turned my whole body around. I don't know if he saw me.

Was he on a date as well, though? Probably.

He was on dinner. I literally saw him walk in. And I was like, this is karma for being an asshole, right?

No, it's my. But that's not an asshole thing to go out with someone else three hours later.

It's being an efficient asshole.

It's being efficient. We all do this. No, my friend Anna and I had this thing where we would match with the same exact guys on Tinder for, like, months. We were both single. And. And she's like, have you gone out with this one yet? I'm like, I have. So, like, we'd kind of give each other the heads up on the guys that I'd already dated and she had already dated. Which was kind of funny because we're very. We look similar. We're the same age. And then one night before we had cross checked our notes, she's like, I'm with a guy right now that you're actually going out with in two hours. Like, he had said, I have another date with this sex with Emily. She's like, don't bother. Like, it was.

Yeah, he said on the date he had another date.

Yeah. Something had come up at how often they're using the apps. Or maybe he had looked her up on Facebook. I don't remember what. But my. Somehow he said it. I don't remember now if it was like she wrote. Oh, she wrote my name up and said, my friend Emily. Cause we're really tight. And she has a podcast. And he was like, oh, sex with Emily. I have a date with her. So then she got to save me from not going out with Emily anyway?

At least give the illusion that you're only going out with one person.

See, but that's why I want to correct you. So why play the game that it's the only one you saved? Or you're gonna go home and like, after that and wash your hair. Like they used to say in the 80s. Like this, right? I decided, not tonight, I have to wash my hair. But was it the 60s? I don't know. When did women stay home and wash their hair? It Was always an old thing. But whatever you're gonna do, don't wash your hair right when you go home and, like, you know, knit or whatever you wanna do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you're not an asshole for that? I wanna say you are being efficient, strong, independent woman.

That's what I've actually found, is that efficiency is my biggest tip for other people that are dating as well. And being efficient, like, knowing what you like, knowing what you don't like, and not trying to play the game of texting and then eventually ghosting, or what is it called? Breadcrumbs? Breadcrumbing.

I don't know. But there's new things. What's the other one? There's, like, one called, like, passive ghosting or something. Isn't there a new thing? Haunting.

I'm really good at telling guys I'm not interested. Like, after a date. I'm really good at texting them the next day. Like, thanks so much. It was great meeting you, not interested and moving on.

You are very efficient. Have you always been that way? Are you like that? I feel like I get that.

I used to be nice. Like, you know how girls are taught to be nice? You know, we have to be like, oh, like, sure, let's go on a second date. Even though I have zero interest.

Exactly.

You know?

Right. I want to be nice. I want him to like me. Or I used to talk about. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He did buy me a nice dinner. Or I would think, well, maybe he'll grow on me. Yeah, well, he is good on paper. All my friends met him. They liked him. So now how have you, Hannah Cranston, learned to be more efficient and know what you want? That's like, a really good skill.

So two different things. One being, like, if I. I went on a date a few months ago, maybe with a guy who told me that his 2018 resolution, his 2018 goal was to develop empathy.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

And then he asked for a second date. I'm like, you just told me you have zero empathy.

That is amazing.

Yeah.

That's literally the best thing I've ever heard.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah.

And how did you know?

Very sweet, vulnerable place, maybe? Or no, did he not even attach to her?

I don't even think he understood what he was saying.

Right.

But he was, you know, tall, attractive and Jewish. And so my mom is like, well, do you think that maybe you know something like, no.

Right. Like, already challenge for a lot of people. And when just realizing empathy could take him years.

Yeah. So you just gotta like, if there's something like that. Instant deal breaker.

Friggin love that.

And then my new thing is on dates. And this is a bold move, but it shouldn't be bold, is I asked men if they consider themselves a feminist.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

I just asked them if they identify as a feminist. And it's interesting to see how men either squirm or not, or how they respond or how they justify that they don't identify as a feminist. Because it's kind of an interesting question to sit across from somebody at table and be like, hi, do you think I'm an equal human to you?

Okay, but. Okay, but I could see many a man being taken aback, especially right now with me too. And everything being like feminist is so. It's such. It's so charged. What kind of answers are you getting?

Things like, you know, I'm really close with my mom, but. Or I don't like to label myself, but like that whole sort of thing.

I wonder if we could reframe it though, rather than like a yes or no or an answering it. But is there another way to get to the same answer? Because what if he just says. First of all, he might just say yes because he's like, I'm not going to tell some hot chick who's like, he's probably my soulmate.

Many people say no just to be assholes.

Or they're really not.

I think they really are not.

So why would a guy say, no, I'm not. He would say, I'm not a feminist because I believe I'm superior.

I think the problem is I don't think people necessarily understand.

They don't understand. That's what you all about.

Right.

Because of that was my first concern. Yeah. Like the.

The movement in itself has different sex that you may or may not agree with. Right. There are sex within.

Feminism that I do not agree with. There are sex that are not inclusive and things of that nature. There are some that are maybe a little too out there for me, but that's okay. I still agree with the core concept that we should be politically, economically, socially and personally equal to men.

Okay.

And that's what the word means.

That's what it means. That's true. So I'm wondering, though, I'm just helping you bring it down for the dates.

This is why I'm single. Maybe that's the problem.

I gotta be honest. I think that some men.

They might see that as kind of like an Attack. Or like, there's no way to answer this correctly. It's kind of like saying, do you love and respect women? Like, are you. Are you a good guy? Are you not an asshole? Like, do you love women? Like, are you gonna burn your bra for me? I don't know what guys think of it, but I feel like there's a way of saying, like, I think it would help by asking about their relationship with their moms and their sisters and other women in their life. If they feel like, oh, my boss, be like, he or she. That's how you find out. It's how they treat and think about women. I know that we shouldn't talk about exes on a date. I always say, don't talk about your ex on the first date or first few. I don't have very many rules in that way. But it's more like when people bring up their exes, typically it's like, oh, my ex was crazy. Everyone's ex was crazy. Apparently we all date the same person and everyone's ex is crazy. And then there's a story there. However, I think it can also be telling because when someone's still in the mode of like, oh, she was crazy, or she did all these things, they still haven't taken responsibility for their relationship. Relationship yet. So it's like. Because it. There's two. There's two to tango. There's two people in every relationship. So, yes, you. But they could have cheated and lied and stole all your money, and you could still say they did all these things, but you were with them. You chose it. What was it? What was going on in your life? Maybe that. Granted, we're also met victims sometimes. For sure. I'm just talking about the whole X theory. I'm going off on a whole thing here. But, like, I just think you can tell a lot about people's relationship with women by asking them. And eventually when you get to the X thing. Yeah. Finding out, like, what really happened, have they healed or. Yeah.

Yeah. And you can tell like. Like you're talking about now, like, how the way a man talks about his mom or their exes. That's a really good point. If they, you know, express, you know, respect for them and it just didn't work out. As soon as they say, I still have a lot of respect for her, but blah, blah, blah, blah, then.

Then that's a good thing, right? We're still really good friends. Yeah.

Yeah. Whatever it is.

Okay. Yeah, you're doing good. Okay. So what else do you. Have you found out in rapid fire dating in the stage of Hannah, guys.

Don'T like to be told that you're not interested or that you don't want to continue. I have. I actually brought text.

Oh, I love this. I brought real life text. Because what you're saying is now you're also being more decisive and you're telling him the very. You're not playing like, see, I don't want to play the game.

I don't want to play the whole like, let me, you know, string you along for however long or pretend that I'm interested. If I'm not, it's not in.

It's not.

Doesn't work for me and it's not good for you.

Right, Right. Okay.

Isn't it way better to just break and then move on with your day?

Yeah.

Right. So I told a guy that I wasn't interested in continuing our relationship, but it was great getting to know him and I wished him all the best. So then he goes into this like 4 paragraph thing about how I'm the problem with the LA dating scene. No, yeah, read it.

Let me see.

He says something to the effect of like. Well, he wanted me to meet his friends like on the third date, which was a little. I mean, whatever. I've introduced people like very early on. Yeah, this is only after two dates. So he gets very upset that I didn't get to meet his friends, that I'm the problem with the LA dating scene. But then this is where it gets weird. He says, now you've left my dog without a mom. This was after two dates.

This is your next show. Whatever you're doing, you've left. Was it a joke, though?

I don't know.

I think that's a funny thing to say. Come on. I think.

Oh, maybe think about it.

You've left after three dates.

This was two dates.

Two dates. He says, now you've left. Let me hear it. I think it was a joke.

I can't say. Did you meet the dog?

Did you have a dog date?

No, we never met. I never met the dog.

Have you met the dog? Interesting.

No dog date. That's a big deal.

Especially now. Somebody to your dog take the child.

I'd introduce somebody to my parents before my dog.

Right. Cause what if your dog just starts pissing on him? Then you can't date this person.

They don't like them.

I mean, that's what I'm saying. Wait, so, okay, so that's. So that's. But, but okay, but what do you say in these texts when that's a hard thing after two dates. So you get in front of it. You don't even wait for them, say, hannah, oh, my God, last night was amazing. Let's do something Saturday. You're like, nope, I try to be.

Like, you know, so great getting to know you, but I'm not interested in committing.

You know, what do you say? I'm not interested. I say, like, I'm not feeling a connection. I'm not feeling.

I said it was, like, great getting to know you a bit, but I don't think I'm interested in continuing our relationship. I wish. I wish you the best, though. Exclamation point.

Okay, good.

If you add an exclamation point, everything is nice.

Right? Right, Right. No, I think this is great and concise. Now, this guy didn't want to take it, or he just made you feel bad.

Yeah, he just. I think he's. Guys get frustrated sometimes, and I get that dating is frustrating and it's hard and rejection sucks. But I think the way that we can have better dating experiences is if we shift our mindset. Right? It's not about rejection. Like, it's not.

Rejection just was. You weren't a match.

Yeah, we weren't a match. It's not about chemistry. Like, if somebody's not into you, that's a great knowledge to have. Knowledge is power. Then use that, you know, power to go find somebody who is. Who's obsessed with you, because there's somebody out there.

There is.

Who thinks you are the hottest. But if this isn't that person, why try to, like, force them to be right?

Why spend so much time and think about the. Because he might have been like, oh, Hannah, what did I do wrong? Or women would think like, oh, why did he do this? But you get that kind of message. It's a freedom. Yeah. This rejection thing, we got to stop. Well, that's one thing I want to say is we do spend a lot of time, I think, in the. I have so many friends who contact me. Actually, more guys lately who have gotten texts like, you just sent. But the women. I think you are such a good role model here. Because my guy friends are getting texts that are similar, but they're couched in all this other language that they've actually sent me texts to decipher. They're like, do you think she's trying to end it or not? Because she'll say something to the effect of, like, same thing. Like, they'll have gone out a few times. And my guy friends are like, and it was amazing. And she made out with me. We made plans. But now she wrote me this. And it's like, my life's really busy right now. Work is just taking over, and I'm traveling. And I think you're great, but right now is not a great time for me because I'm busy or something like that. And then they're like, do you think I should still pursue it? Should I convince her? Because then they don't get it. But you're like, no connection. Bye. Bye.

You have to spell it out. You have to spell it out.

Yeah.

And I also think another component of it is, like, oftentimes the way we have, I guess, stereotypical gender norms, men feel like they're facing rejection a lot more than women because they're, like, supposed to ask the woman out and do all this kind of stuff. So I've actually challenged myself and I challenge other women to do this is ask a guy out or, you know, confront somebody. I thought there was a guy that was really hot at my gym, so I went up to him and handed him my number.

You did?

And I was like, whoa. Like, the most liberating feeling I walked out was like, I don't even care if he texts me. Like, I felt on top of the world because I took a huge risk. And I think if more women take those risks, then we can, like, level the playing field and we can have realer relationships that aren't so rooted in fear.

You're so right. We're so suffocated and held back by fear. Like, everything. Procrastination is fear. Anxiety is fear. Like, stress is fear. Totally. Everything's fear. I love that you just went up to him. Cause I don't see, like, everything else should be equal. How do you feel, though, since you should ask people out? Hannah Cranston, I want to know how you feel about a new study that said more than 60% of women prefer to pay on the first date.

Love it.

You're gonna pay the first date. Love it.

I always pull out my credit card. Not all men let me pay on the first date. There's a lot of guys who still, like, want to do that. Which, you know, that's a lovely gesture. And I'll say, I'll pay for the next date or whatever it may be, but every single time, I offer, no matter what.

But do you do a reach and hope they don't take it? Secretly take your money? Cause I. Come on. You put a full on. Or do you do this? The reach.

No, I do the full on. I Pull it out. I pull it out.

But you whip it out.

I whip it out.

You whip out the masculine.

I try to whip it out before them, too, so that they know and.

Do they know I mean business? I think this is. See, I think this is interesting because I have to say, I was still in the field. Like, I kind of like when a guy would pay because I don't know, there's just something like. I feel like they. I was kind of coming from the old mindset that it'll be, like, emasculating or men like to be in charge or that, I don't know, just kind of an older norm around this. And I think it has changed. And then there's. But there's also part that it's like, also, I've gone through the whole phase of, like, I'll make it. I'll make an effort, but I don't want them to take my credit card, even though I offered. And then there's the ones. So I've kind of gone into different phases of it. But now I'm like, you know, if we really are all equal in so many ways, and plus, most dates are paid for ahead of time. You're doing an event, an adventure. How many times are you really at dinner? Like, dates are so many more things right now that I feel like maybe a good way to think about it and not for everybody. Because it also depends if you're dating someone who's more. I don't know what. Who asked for the date, who planned something extravagant. You're not going to split it. It wasn't. You weren't in charge.

Right. I think there are, like, some exceptions, Right?

Yeah. Let's talk about it. Because I do think. I agree.

I think, like, in some cases, like, if you can tell that a guy is feeling insecure or, you know, the word you used, emasculated, because you want to, you know, foot the bill or split the bill or however it is. I think that's something to take notice of. But then, of course, retreat, right? Because you don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable on a date. But I do think that there are some politics to it, right? Because if, like. So, for example.

I retract my former statement because I was invited on a first date, it was a blind date, and he invited me to Nobu. And girl, I am a boss bitch, but I ain't Nobu boss bitch.

No. Right.

You know what I mean?

Right? Nobu is one of the most, like, beautiful. Was it Malibu or Nobu?

It was West Hollywood.

Yeah, but it's an amazing, amazing Japanese restaurant. Yeah, but it's in Los Angeles.

It's expensive, but it's like at least 200, $300 a person.

@ least. Even if you're not drinking.

It. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so on that day, I was like, I don't know what to do. So I still pulled out my credit card because I was like, no, like.

Feminism. Right.

Right. But then I was like, oh, my God, please don't take this.

Place. Right. I'm over my limit. I'm over my limit. Please don't accept.

It. I have to pay rent this.

Month. Shouldn't have bought the Zarro dress. Okay.

So. So if there's, like, a situation like that where somebody. There's a huge disparity in salary and somebody suggests a restaurant that's out of your budget, I think you're right. Sort of feel out the situation case by.

Case. If, say, guy. If a guy or a woman, whatever kind of relationship you're in, I guess it feels like if you're, you know, whoever you're dating, same sex, gay, straight, wherever stage you're at, I think if you do the asking and the planning, maybe that's who should.

Pay.

Yeah. And that's a good way to kind of like, you planned it, you pay for it. And then maybe next time. Because I think this is where my heart goes out to men, where I think, like, men are used to a lot of rejection and men, because I also think, like, they're always ones, have to make the decisions, make the first move, move, make the plan. So, like, why not kind of, like, help with it in a way by not making these assumptions they have to. That they have the money. Obviously, they shouldn't take you somewhere they can't.

Afford. But it gets expensive for men. Like, I mean, I always say it's expensive for women because we have to buy the makeup and pay for the wax or, you know, whatever else we do prior.

To. When you say that now, I never want to pay for a meal again because no man can ever match up to all we.

Spend. All we spend in preparation. But it does get expensive for men. And, you know, I want to acknowledge that because I never want to take advantage of that. And I think a way that I've been doing it on my dates that I found to be successful is if he pays for dinner, then I'll be like, okay, I'll get like, if we're gonna go to drinks afterwards, I'll get the drinks afterwards. I'll get like, I Had a date this weekend. I got ice cream.

Afterwards.

Yeah. I was like, you get that double scoop, right? Go ahead on sugar mama over.

Here. Get sprinkles, right? Make it a double. No, you're right. I thought. Exactly. I like that. Because I like. You know, this basically says that. Yeah, there's. The women are realizing the financial pressure dating can have on men, and they don't want to take advantage of. And confidence. So the reason why I found interesting too, is that this study says that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a prospective partner. I think that that's true. I think men and women always say, if you're confident, you can, like, literally rule the world and perhaps be my partner. So a woman seeing that as a power move rather than the past, who might have seen it as a more emasculating move. So it could be its most. Go both.

Ways. Kind of like totally. Wait, let's get into power moves because I think this is really important. So I think that's a huge power move. If you suggest to pay. I also, my new power move is never wearing heels on the first date. I wear Converse almost every single first date. Really? Yeah. That is like my power.

Move. Cause you're like, I'm not dressing up for.

You. Yeah, just like, I'm not. Not like that. I'm coming. I'm not coming, like, straight from the.

Gym. You're not wearing the pajama. You're not wearing the yoga.

Pants. No.

Unfortunately. So you're taking off the yoga pants? No.

I. But it's like, I come casual. Like, I'm. I'm, you know, I'm excited to meet you, but I'm not trying to be.

Uncomfortable. Did you wear Converse to.

Nobu? I wore booties. I didn't wear, like.

Heel. Okay, yeah, yeah, I get it. Booties are the. Are the kind of. Not trying too hard.

Converse. Yeah, you gotta have.

That. No, you're right. I get.

It. Like, I'm confident enough to come in Converse no matter.

What. I like you in your tennis shoes. I'm like, oh, you're. You're cute. I love your, like, short. You're, like, short like.

Me. I'm very short. I'm.

Petite. Petite, sorry.

Short. No, it's.

Okay. But it's, like, sexy. I love it. No, you're right. So you show. And that makes you feel like I. I don't have to. Yeah.

Right. I feel like I can walk, which is nice, because what if you want to get my like on? Because I'm not. Yeah, because the guys are like, oh, let's walk to this bar, you know, down the street and four miles away. It's.

Like. And you wait a girl in four inch heels. Who's. Or five inches. What I used to do. I stopped wearing high heels too. That's a great power move. I love it. Here's the other thing, because I feel like you're so in this right now. I love it. You're in the trenches and you, I love that you're efficient, you're thinking about it, you're adapting, you're swiveling, you're, you know, you're. You're bobbing and weaving. You're like, no, you're in your 20s. You're so cute. No, I just. You're just like, now is the time. You have your freedom. Your whole life is changing right now in a really good way. Professionally, you're the boss bitch. And it's like, you want to find someone. Yeah. But no desperate. No talk clicking, talk.

Clicking. I got my dog for most of my needs. The little toy you gave me for the other needs. So it's.

Great. Do you remember the toy we're gonna.

Do? It's.

Purple. Oh, the touch. The we vibe.

Touch.

Yes. Do you like.

It? I'm a.

Fan. Okay, good. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. It's one of my.

Favorites. What a lovely.

Gift. I give that to my.

Friends. She's a great gift. Give gift.

Ever. I'll always bring you a toy. Talk to me about, since it is online. The messages like, how much? What can someone say in a message? The first message that will either be like, yes, I'm in, or like, no, you send that to 80 other girls. Or no, that's a, you know, could it be like a spelling error? What? What? What is it? For sure. No, for.

You. For sure. No. And this is going to be.

Controversial. I love.

It. Is anything that is.

About my, like, aesthetics, like, too much about my aesthetics. I think too getting into like, yes. Oh, gorgeous. Yeah, like that kind of stuff. Oh, I hate that. Why are you single? Like, that's such a. So first of all, you're. You're single.

Too.

Exactly. Why are you.

Asking? I think they think it's a.

Compliment. Yeah. It's not a.

Compliment. Yeah. You know what else is not a.

Compliment? Let me just tell you. I hate when men say, you're not like other.

Girls.

What? Other girls are fucking awesome. I would love to be like other.

Girls. Women.

Rock. Don't tell me. I'm like, don't put Other women down to put me up. I don't need that. I'm way more confident than that. Thank you very.

Much. No, I love this, Hannah. You're so right. It's such an old.

Mindset.

Yeah. Because men come in here, and I was like, well, you know women. Their women are harder women than other women. I'm like, well, who are the women you're hanging out with? Because I'm all about my girls. I will. You'll never hear me say anything negative, like, about. I'm like, let's bring women up. Even my boyfriend now, he's like, you're always going on girl dates. Like, every. Like, if I'm not with him, I'm, like, out with a group of friends or just one girl, like, having a dinner. Like, that's where I get my. That's a really good point. That is not a compliment. It's funny what you're saying, because there was a study that came out recently on dating apps and what people want to hear, and it was funny because women. Men want to hear a compliment. This might help you on your future dating. And the message is they want to be complimented on their appearance and their looks. They want you to be like, nice photo. Nice shirt. Love those glasses. You look.

Sexy. Men want that nice shirtless selfie in the.

Bathroom. Exactly. Even though we probably did not swipe on those people. I don't want to see your body before I choose to see your body. That's why they give it to women. They think women want to hear it, but we don't. And the studies show that that's the last thing women want to hear is, do not tell me I'm hot. I obviously match you. If you find me attractive in some way, you don't need to tell me that. And the other thing I think what women wanted to hear was they were fun. Meanwhile, there's off my profile that they were interesting and fun and seemed like they were, like, had a good life, but they also like that they were cool and fun. Right. Wasn't that what it was? Yeah, that women were fun and cool and guys really wanted to hear about their looks and women wanted to be like, you seem like an interesting, fun, cool.

Girl. Yeah, but isn't that interesting? Because I think those are some things that we often don't get enough of. Like, I don't think we give men compliments.

Enough. I think so across the board. We.

Don'T. We don't. And so they yearn for that. Just like we yearn for being told we're like cool or doing something exciting or being smart or whatever. Although I did have a date. I'm going off on a.

Tangent. Sorry. This is. I love.

This. I went on a date where over three or four times, the guy said to me, wow, you are smart. And I. After the fourth time, I was like. Like, yeah, I am. Thank you very much. Like, I didn't know how to respond. I was like, you need to stop saying it to me because you're, you know, saying, like, it like you're.

Surprised. Right. And your IQ goes down every time you say that too, dude.

Right. Patronizing my little.

Bit. Well, you're so. That's so interesting. Well, that's how he feels about women. There you go. Did you go out with him.

Again? I did. I know, I.

Know. Cause you thought you were.

Smart. Well.

Yeah.

Maybe that's. I get it. No, but I like to hear. But I don't want you guys to take this for. I want my boyfriend to tell me that I'm hot and sexy and cool and smart every day. So don't get me wrong, I don't not want compliments. It's just in the first message.

The first day where you're like, if you're too surprised or too complimentary in the first date about somebody's appearance or their intelligence or something like that, it can be taken as offensive because you're like, oh, I didn't expect. Expect that.

From. You got to be writing all these down because they're really good.

Stories. Or just maybe saying it on something that's recorded. Yeah, that'd be.

Nice. Yeah, exactly. You'll have this. You can play that. We'll send you the.

Transcripts.

Perfect. But what I think is great, though, is that also to correct this is. It's not that you shouldn't tell a woman she looks great on the first date. You could be like, I love your hair, or I think it's good to get specific sometimes. Or like, your smile is amazing. I could look at it for art's fun, talking to you or whatever. It's fine to say it once, or you look amazing, or nice dress nice put together well. Or kind of really enjoy our.

Conversation. Yeah, once.

Great. But not like obsessively four times.

Wow. Or if you meet somebody, you're like, wow, you look so, you know, pretty tonight. Say that great damn girl you banging would like to, you know, like, if you start going to that.

Territory.

Right. No bueno. Too.

Soon.

Exactly. Tell me that, like, later on I'll. I'm here for.

It. Right.

Exactly. But on the first date, when you're telling me what you want to.

Do to my body, do you get prematurely sexed dick.

Pic? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I also have. I mean, it's a little different, right? Because people. I have such a public.

Persona. I do Hannah Cranston, everyone. Check her out. And YouTube and Instagram. She's a hottie smartie. You're really.

Smart. Are you.

Surprised? No, you. I knew you were smart, efficient, and hot from the first time I met.

You. But I think because when you. I mean, we all do it, right? Because we all have social media. And so you're putting out Persona that's not necessarily who you are every single night or every single day or whatever it may be. And so people come up with expectations because we do stalk each other on social.

Media. Okay, that's another thing I want to talk about. Hannah Cranston, can you just come here and hang out with me? This is so fun. How long should you wait before following a date on social media? So I found this very interesting, and it says that, you know, why not. Why don't we friend someone right away and follow them? Even though we probably do stalk them. Of course I've stalked. And I love. This is like deep stalking. Like, you'll stalk their ex to see what.

They'Re. Oh, you gotta be careful with.

That.

Why? Yeah, because you don't want you to, like, get into somebody. Like, we all have skeletons in the closet. Like, you want to get to know somebody for who they are now. You don't want to judge them on their.

Path. That's true. That's.

True. Unless they're, like, a picture of them, you know, like, murdering her. Like.

Don'T. No, you don't want.

To. That should be a red.

Flag. But I've stalked people's exes when I've been in a relationship with them. Them. Like, once I'm with them, I'm like, oh, that's stocked. Stock is the wrong thing. I've checked out who they.

Dated. Yeah, but the problem is, is then, like, at least, I don't know, I have in the past, but I try not to now. Because then you're like, wait, is she prettier than me? Is she skinnier than.

Me? Is she smarter than.

Me? Is she better at whatever than me? Maybe she's a better, I don't know, like, volleyball player. And now we're gonna go to the beach and play volleyball, and I don't know how to react.

Whatever. Right? We don't need to fill Our brains with this stuff because we fill it with enough other negative. Get it with another stuff. Exactly. No, that's a good point.

Okay. But I do think that you should look at somebody's social.

Media. This was my question. Before you go out with them, do you look at all their social.

Media? Because while I'm in the dating app game, Internet is a weird place. Let me just tell you. So I always ask a guy for his handles before we go on the date. I'm like, I need serial killer insurance. I text.

Them. Is that what you.

Say? I say, I need serial killer insurance. What's your handles? Or what's your last name? So I can look you.

Up. Okay. If they don't attach it already to their profile, which some people do. Okay, this is smart. So you ask. See Hannah Cranston's guide to.

Dating? Yeah, but you have. Cause you have to be. Look, I don't want to. I don't like to. Fear monger, but you have to be careful. So, like, my mom, I text her the name, full name of the guy where we're going, and I have a. What's it.

Called? Emergency. Oh, you have.

A. No, what's it called when you put the navigation on where people can find you? Gps. Yeah, Yeah, I dropped my. So she has my location. I share my location with.

Her. Oh, my God. You're so lucky your mom lives nearby. I'm in Michigan. She'd be like, whoa, peace out. Sorry, date's not going well. Okay, so. So wait, so you. Before it. Okay, so going back, you match with them. You take it right off the app, and you're like, text me if you like them. And then you text one or two times.

Maybe. No, I don't text before the first.

Date. So how do.

You. Okay, we just talk on the dating app, and then.

After. And then you say, send me your social media. You liked their first message or second.

Message? Well, yeah, I want to talk. I want to get to know somebody. I'm. I. I'm. Maybe I'm scared. Maybe.

I'm. No, I get.

It. I don't know what it is, but I like to get to know somebody a bit on the app before we go on a first date. I want to know a little bit about you. I want to feel comfortable. I want to feel safe before I meet up with somebody. And I want to feel like we have chemistry. Like, if we have enough back and forth to get us through, like, three days of, you know, going back and forth on an app, then I'm like, okay, Then we can meet up. I've learned enough about you. That makes me feel like, okay, okay. Going on this date. And then if the first date goes well, then we exchange.

Numbers. Okay, so. Okay, so wait, let me. I need to bet. I need to really understand. No, no, you're doing great. Because I really want to know, so. Because I always say you shouldn't. Don't text. Even if it's on the app or get it over with quickly. Like in a day or two, if there's an interest, kind of decide if you're gonna go out with them. Cause the people who just go back and forth texting for a month on the apps, like, if it's a.

Month, I mean, that's.

Excessive. So what does it take? So you don't. So they send a first message, you like it, or you send one and you're texting. Do you wait until you've already decided to go out with them? They're like, oh, by the way, btw, what's your social media. Or it's like one of your first messages is you checked out the social media first before you even engage in witty.

Banter. Unless it's there, I'll look at. If it's there, I'll look at it. Cause you know, knowledge is power. But otherwise, like, I had a date last week where I was on my way to the date, I was like, oh, by the way, okay, just send me. Yeah. Just to make sure it's good. That's still on the lift. You know, the.

Ship. It's in the lift. Right, okay, got it. But you know, you just kind of check out Facebook, Instagram, and then.

You go out there just to make sure they.

Exist.

Okay. You know, they're not catfishing.

You. I think that's.

Really. Nobody wants to end up on.

Mtv. No, they.

Don'T. Unless you want with just giving my own show than I would love to be on.

Mtv. You're like, yes, you can air my cat Foot Foot. However, I'm going to do a show for you guys. Okay, so what do you think about then? How long should you wait before following a date on social media? This says that most people. You should wait a few dates. Don't do it right away because if you become friends on Facebook, you have to unfriend them maybe. And maybe people will think that there's too much about them at first. What do you do you follow people right away? Because I feel that I. So for me, for Facebook, I've waited a few months. Like finally with my boyfriend, I was like, do you realize that we don't. We're not friends. And he's like, oh. He's like, I don't use it that much. And then we did. So it wasn't a big thing. But I'm okay waiting for that. And then Instagram, I feel like I can see their stuff anyway. I'm not in a hurry to follow them right.

Away. Yeah, I'm kind of with you. Unless it's like a private account where you need to follow to see their.

Pictures. Then you gotta do.

It. Then you gotta do it. But Facebook, you can wait. Like, Facebook, I do think is it's taking it to the next.

Level. It is. Facebook is next level. You're right. Facebook is the next level. Follow. And then maybe I'm friends with my.

Mom. Like, she's posting things on my, you know, wall. This is a personal space, whereas Instagram, like, if you have a public profile, anybody can follow you. So it doesn't really matter if you know somebody you're dating.

Follows. That's.

True.

Fine. That's true.

Okay. I like when guys follow me on Twitter, though. I feel like they're like, I want to hear what you have do.

To. Yeah, because you're so smart. They want to read your words, not just look at your hot photos. Yeah. Also too. Okay, so the reminder is, it says to wait, maybe just wait a few weeks until you get to know them before you, like, become friends with them on Facebook. And remember, what you see on social media is often just one side of who the person is, and usually it's their most showy side. So if you are doing a deep dive and getting sort of toxic into their past. It's like, instead of focusing on social media, focus on the connection that you have with them. That's where we get our real.

Information. That is so beautiful. But it also goes for everybody, even if you're not dating them. Like, remember, with all the people that you're following, that that is not their real lives. Like, they are just showing you what is it? You're just seeing their highlight reel, you.

Know? Highlight reel, yeah. Do you see this too? Social media, the whole social media thing with people that we are, I mean, there's so many studies in life. We just know it doesn't make you happier, I think, to spend more time on. And also comparing.

Yourself. Comparing yourself, I think is when it becomes really toxic. Right. Because you're following these people who have used apps to, you know, tailor or I guess, amend their.

Images. They should be put in jail. Just Kidding. I've used Facetune.

Right? Yeah. No, I mean, we've all used a filter, but I think when we're looking at it, our brain doesn't necessarily register that there's filter or Photoshop being used. And you're just like, oh, shit. And then I'm in the point of my life where everybody on my Facebook feed, it seems like, is getting married. Oh, you're at that age or having a baby. And I'm not seeing, like, the random girl I went to high school who hasn't posted in three years, but I'm seeing everybody else. I'm like, oh, my God, everybody's doing this. I'm not doing this. I'm following.

People. She's posting about you being single and awesome and kicking ass and.

Dating. I'm single. Getting in a relationship with myself and your dog. Here's my gift.

Registry. Really? Right. We should register just for being happy and.

Single. I like that. Maybe I'll do.

That. Honey, you got a whole thing. You got so much going on. It's good. Okay, let's. So, Hannah Cranston, will you stay with me? We're gonna answer some emails from the listeners. We wanna get your advice, and we're gonna give a big shout out. We are right now gonna give a shout out to our sponsors because we love them. Hannah loves them. You have to leave with another tour today or another something. Something. So, yeah, thanks, everyone, for listening. We'll be right back.

Okay. Hannah Cranston. I just call you by your first and last.

Name. I like.

It. You can't just be Hannah. You're like Hannah.

Cranston. I like it. It's the opposite of being.

Cher. It's like, exactly right, exactly. But it's a strong name. Okay. I love answering your questions. And if you want a question answered on the show, text, ask Emily all one word to 797979. As always, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. This is from Mitch, 23, in Ohio. Hi, Emily. I'm in the middle of one of your older shows with Anderson where you guys talk about retrograde jealousy. And it's something I think I struggle with. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year. I love her dearly. Everything about our relationship is so amazing except our sex life. I'm a relatively inexperienced guy when it comes to sex and suffer from performance anxiety. My girlfriend is much more experienced and many more sexual partners, which adds to my desire to measure up. While we were in our casual dating Phase. She would reminisce on her college experience and often describe herself as. As slutty and would mention having one night stands and even a threesome after we'd been together a while. I brought this subject back up because I think the world of her and hearing her describe herself in those ways just bothered me. She says she exaggerated at the time to seem edgy or independent. So she was like, yeah, I was doing all these cool things. But I can't seem to shake the feeling I have about what her true sexual history is like. I don't judge her, but I can't stop thinking about her past sexual partners and computers, comparing myself to them, wondering what she might be hiding from me in that respect. I love your show. You've helped me in more ways than you can know and I appreciate your help. Thanks. Okay, let's first talk about sharing your past sexual experiences with a new partner. I think the thing you should share is if you have an std, like, or an sti, like, that should be where you start. But if you don't know your partner that well and it's still kind of new to be like, oh, I had all this crazy. Either way, someone's going to make up a story about you or they're going to create, they're going to judge, or they're going to have an experience about your past and. And unless you're someone who you also don't know who you're with. Like now I know enough that like my ex knows all that. He loves hearing my past sexual things because he gets off on him, thinks it's cool that I've done all these things and he doesn't judge me and it's fun, but case by case basis, because there are people who get jealous. They compare themselves. The guys could think, like, I don't measure up and so there's just. You just gotta, I think you gotta be careful about sharing it and just make sure you're with someone that can kind of handle the information. I don't know. And I also think I've done things to brag. Maybe not to brag, but just to seem like, not even with sex or like, I dated this guy who was this and that just to kind of give my life more color. Here's the thing. They might not remember the details of your day or like where your parents were born, but whenever someone gives you any droplet of information about your, like your ex, they remember. They remember. So just, I think I'm just saying be choosy about your words. And about who you're talking to about it. What do you.

Think? I also think it's about intention. Right. Like, what are you trying to achieve by sharing this information? If you're trying to sound cool or trying to brag or trying to. To appear edgy or whatever it may be, keep it to yourself. Right. If it's like, oh, I've done this in the past and I really enjoy this and I want to bring this into our sex life because I think it can make it spicier. Like, then that is something that is important to share and I think is okay. But if you're like, oh, yeah, I've just had, like a ton of sex with the dudes with, you know, all these things that could make somebody feel insecure. I think it's dangerous.

Territory. Think about your intention. I think you're totally right. I think that what we want to do is. And I always say, even when they're like, how many people have you been with? Like, hopefully people stop asking that question. I think it's mostly people in their 20s are like, what's your sex number? And I always say when someone asks you anything, just like you said, go back to like, I don't really know about my past, but all I know is the sex we're having is amazing, and I want to focus on that. So even if you do break your past, yeah, I've had a. Or I've had a threesome in the past, and it's something I'd really like to try with you. That's about all. Bring it back to the current moment of the current.

Partner. Totally. But I do agree with you that if you have an STI or std, you need to share that. Be upfront about.

That. So going back to Mitch. So that's one thing about sharing it all. And also, I'm just seeing here there's no information that she's actually said their sex life isn't great. Like, he's creating a story because he says he has performance anxiety and that she's amazing sex in the past, that their sex life isn't great. But there's nothing in here with the girlfriend complaining, saying, yeah, babe, you get a better get together. I can't stop thinking about my past exploits because you suck in bed. So I think we often. He took information and he created some ammunition to beat himself up with. And I think we do that anyway.

Sometimes. So, yeah, we all get in our heads during sex, and I think oftentimes that's put on women and we forget that Men get in their heads too. And it's important to, like, put people at ease. And so maybe if he opens up about some of that anxiety with her, she can be like, no, like, this is awesome. And really reaffirm her enjoyment in it, which might be. So I would say for him to communicate with her how he's maybe.

Feeling. Exactly. Because he did bring it up once and she just said she exaggerated. So that's why I was like, oh, she exaggerated. And so she wanted to seem like she was more, you know, whatever, experienced. So I think now he should just be honest and say, I keep thinking about it and I want to make sure I'm like, the most amazing lover that you've ever had. How can we create an amazing sex life together?

Done. It's a fun conversation to have. It's so fun, fun.

Conversation. I'm telling you, once couples get over all this shame and fear on talking about sex and taboo, it. It's like, it becomes like one of your new favorite things to talk about. Because you're constantly like, when you're in it together, when you and you guys, people might be listening, going, there's no way it will ever be fun or easy. I promise you. When you get over these awkwardness, it becomes like, what can we try now? What can we do? Or how was last night like, let's talk about how to make it better. Just like we do with work and exercise and, and diet and health and relationships. Like, sex.

Relationship. And let me see if you agree with this, because this is an opinion. Maybe it's a wrong one, I don't know. But I think talking about sex when you're not like, post coitus, laying in bed naked because you're already feeling vulnerable, I think doing it when you're out of the space that you're having, it might actually be better. Like, I've had this conversation. I had, like the best conversation about our sex life with an ex boyfriend. Were we on a plane. So you're both facing forward and you, like, weren't totally looking each other and nothing was gonna happen. You didn't feel vulnerable, but you had this more open conversation because you weren't already feeling awkward or.

Uncomfortable. You're 100% right. That's exactly. I do not think these conversations should happen in the bedroom. I say that all the time because it's like. And that's a good one. The airplane. I always say do when you're in the car so you're not looking at each other because then you're like, Same.

Thing. Airplane is more.

Bizarre. Especially because I'm fine to Greece. I'm going to talk about it next week. We'll be on the plane for 20 hours. But that's a long sex. And you're so. You're so. You probably will. We already talk about it. Maybe we should take a break from our sex conversation actually. But that is a great point when you do it in the bedroom and I love that you knew this like that you already felt this. It's weird because you are post coitus and then you're going to link up negative or whatever. Very smart, Hannah. I love it. Okay, do we. We got all of this stuff here. Oh no, Mitch, stop tripping on all of this until you talk to her. I think you got to just check your story, check the drama you're creating in her head. I don't think see that your sex life life isn't pleasing her at all. So up the conversation. Okay. This is from Mark, 48, Vancouver. And he's been going through a lot. I think we can help him here. Hey, Emily. I love the show. I'll try to be brief. Two to three years ago at work, I was accused of sexual harassment by a woman that was being fired. Different department being fired for performance reasons. It was a false accusation. And after a month long investigation by HR lawyers and interviews with many staff members, management and external people, I was fully exonerated during the investigation. I felt my life would be destroyed by this. In addition, my long term relationship came to an end. I've seen a number of counselors to try and get over the trauma. It's been helpful. However, prior to this I had a healthy sex drive and engaged quite well with women. But now my sex drive is completely gone. I have no desire to socially or professionally engage with them. I've gone so far as to work for less money at a different smaller company with no women employed. It's not that I can't engage with women. I can, but I find myself making note of everyone that's around, being very careful of everything I say. And I avoid making much eye contact. Logically, I know the odds of the same thing happening to me are extremely small. But emotionally, something now has changed. Any advice, Mark? Right. It's really heavy and I feel like the fact that it's been three years because at first I read this I was like, oh yeah, just, just, you know, go. I understand. Like you didn't do anything wrong. You have to relearn again how to talk to women. And you know, he could Even be authentic and open with women that he's interested and be like, maybe not right away, but I've had a hard time with all this me too stuff. Maybe I'm more challenged. Just be more open about his concerns. And maybe I was thinking about practicing talking to just anybody. Like, I think talking to women that you're not even attracted to, because there's a certain, like, way that he shut down. But the more I read this, two to three years, I feel like he.

Needs.

He's. It's kind of gone into trauma level. Like, not like, I want to say trauma with a small T and not mean like you're having, like, severe, severe trauma, but maybe he said he saw a few counselors at therapy for something that's kind of like, that's major to lose your job, take a smaller commission, move somewhere else. That he probably needs some kind of, like, EMDR therapy. Do you know about emdr? It's like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. And it's when you go to a therapist for a very specific instance, and they do this kind of thing with your eyes and they do. They get trauma therapy and you can kind of move through stuff. So anyway, and this also brings up me. What do you think, first of all, when you hear.

This?

So it does sound like he's experiencing major trauma with a capital T. Absolutely. He's, you know, having some post traumatic stress disorders. What? It's what it sounds like. I'm not a doctor. I can't diagnose him, so I have no idea.

It's difficult because when we're talking about reports of sexual harassment or sexual abuse, the amount of reports that are false are only within 2 to 10%. So it's a very small minority of these reports that are false. That said, the people who are falsely accused of this, I mean, that's horrendous to be accused of just doing the worst thing that you could do to a woman or to anybody. Right. And if you didn't do it, that's awful. That is a huge trauma, and that is not only to your character, but also for your job, for, you know, your dating life. It sounds like it really affected his dating life. And so even though it's a small percentage, it's still something that's really impactful. And it's awful that he's going through this. But I agree with you. I think. I mean, I'm a huge proponent of therapy, and I like that he talks about therapy because I don't think enough people Talk about seeking mental health care. So I think that's probably really double down on. On therapy. I mean, I've been Periods of my life. I was in therapy twice a.

Week. You know, sometimes I love that you say that because I wanted. Let's talk about that. Because I. Well, we'll. I want to talk about therapy a second, because I think you're right. People who say, I saw a couple counselors. You don't go to therapy three times. It's not like. Like, if you couldn't tell me if I was like, oh, do you exercise? And you're like, yeah, I've gone three times. Like, you're not. You're not in.

Shape. It's a great.

Analogy. So I feel like therapy is the kind of thing where you. You literally. You double down if you can't. Yeah, I used to go twice a week or. Or you commit once a week, and it's for like a year, people. And I know you're thinking, oh, my God, no, The price, it is the best money you'll ever spend. You got to find someone you like. But to really have any progress, I truly believe everybody needs it, even if it's short out the gunk. Sort out the stuff from childhood. It's all childhood stuff.

Yeah. You may not think that you have a problem or whatever it may be and not a trauma like this, but therapy is good for everybody. And for people who are younger or people who can't afford therapy, there's some great options now online. I'm not a sponsor for them, but I should be, but they have. Where you can text a therapist, and it's cheap. I think it's like $10 a month. Something crazy, crazy cheap where you can text them or do Skype sessions with them. So if you don't. If you don't have the time or you can't afford to go into a full session, you know, with a therapist and do the whole shebang. There are other options that can help you, but we really need to destigmatize.

That. I think you're right. I think it has to be like, I went to the dentist. I went to my therapist, totally got my hair.

Cut. You wouldn't be like, I love the analogy. I know I'm going off on a tangent, but, like, you would not go to, you know, be embarrassed if you're like, oh, yeah, I went to the doctor because I broke my.

Foot. No.

Okay. You went to the doctor because your. Your mind needs help too. Mind needs mending. We all need.

It. We all we all need it. Otherwise we get off in these, you know, these places where we are having a really hard time functioning. So you have someone who's, you know, independent parties. Not your family family, not your sister, not your.

Friend. So, yeah, she's trained to do.

This. Their job is literally help you. And I love those alternative solutions. And a lot of you guys, a lot of insurance. Even if you like, oh, my insurance sucks. Many companies will give you like 20 sessions free or 20 sessions not free, but like half cost, or they cover 20 sessions or they cover half the cost. So I think it's a. It's a great place to start. So. Mark. Yeah, and me too. I mean, I get it. You're right. 2 to 12% of the cases are actually there are truth in them. So I could see that being tricky with, with, with the environment. But I think just be honest. Keep working on yourself. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Mark. This is from Stephanie, 26, New Jersey. My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. We both still live at home with our parents and don't see each other as often as we would like. Throughout our relationship, sex seems to always be a topic that causes an issue. My boyfriend thinks I don't enjoy sex and that I don't want him. He thinks sex is a chore for me and I only have sex to. To please him. None of that is true. But I can't figure out how to make him believe me. I've never been vocal about sex. I don't talk dirty because I feel awkward doing it and I feel uncomfortable trying to be sexy. I want to know what I can do to feel comfortable and get him to believe me. What are some things I can try to do for my boyfriend? Yeah. So, Stephanie, 26 years old. There's a lot of thoughts here. First of all, all of this, I just want to reframe this for you, Stephanie. I love that you want to feel sexy and feel in your body and all that. And I don't think this is ever for somebody else. Your orgasms aren't for somebody else. Dressing sexy isn't for some. It's not for your boyfriend. It's not to make him happy. It's not even to make him believe you. What the advice I'm gonna give you is for you to believe you and for you to, you know, get. Get into your body and like, get into your own sexy and figure out what that means. She's been with him since she was 90, 19, so I'm gonna assume like, like that you're Just thinking, and I think we don't know this about sex that we should just automatically be great at. We should feel amazing about sex. We should give blowjobs. Like, we came out of the womb giving blowjobs. That sounds like I could go to jail for that, but do you know what I mean? Like, you're not gonna magically be like, I know sex, so go easy on yourself. And I think he probably is in the same boat you are in the sense of maybe in porn. He's seen couples having sex a certain way and women acting sexy. I don't think that, you know, you're sex at Stephanie, and that's okay. And for me, this would come from you guys either together figuring out what is sexy to both of you by, like, listening to the show, you know, reading books together, just starting to talk about it, but thinking on your own. You gotta scurry off and figure out how to feel confident and sexy. You know, that's not gonna happen that.

Way. And also, it's not your fault that he doesn't think that you enjoy sex or he thinks that you, you know, aren't as into it as him. Or. Spoiler alert, that's society's fault. You know, telling women and men that they should view sex differently and that men are cool, but girls are slutty and that girls aren't supposed to enjoy sex until after marriage or whatever bullshit that we are fed. So that's society's fault that he thinks that way because he's just getting those messages and applying it to his real life. And so I do agree with you completely that she. That Stephanie, like, for you. I think it's really important that you figure out what's comfortable for you. And maybe that's whether that's having some time with.

Yourself.

Yeah. And figuring out what's comfortable for you and how you can bring that in so that you are more comfortable and in your element with him. Or again, having those sorts of conversations outside of the bedroom where you are, you know, affirming your connection with your.

Boyfriend. And the fact that he's saying he doesn't believe her. Maybe ask him when this conversation. What would that look like to him if it. If you. If you were really into it or you were. Whatever he says she's not. Whatever he says you're not. Ask him what? That you don't enjoy sex and I don't want.

Him. But you're so right. Like, I think a lot of people watch porn and then they expect to be, like, screaming, we have neighbors. Exactly. But that is not.

Like. I mean, noise pollution laws. Yeah, yeah. And like they've got their parents.

Right? Oh.

Yeah. You're in the home, honey. You got a lot of things here that are challenging, Stephanie. So it's okay that you don't feel like this fully evolved sexual being, but I don't want him to label you in any way. Yeah. At all. And you're right. We're basing it on such stuff that's not real Hollywood. Hollywood porn. I just want people to realize that you. It's a work in progress. Life always is. Thank you.

Hannah. Thank.

You. You're so good and insightful and so.

Smart. This was so fun. You're so.

Pretty. Thank you. See, that feels really good to me. You guys have to follow Hannah Cranston because she's doing amazing things with some more incredible announcements to come. And it's Hannah Cranston, right?

Yeah. Hannah.

Cranston. H A N N H. Cranston with a C. Yeah. And so is your website and I love your.

Energy. I love your energy, I love your advice. I love being here. This is so much.

Fun. Been a great time. Thank you. And thank you to everybody for listening. Thanks to my amazing team. Ken, volunteer, Sarah, producer, Jamie, Michael, Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwith emily.com.

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