The Reverse Kegel That Pro Athletes Use for Better Sex

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The pain is a message, so we don't want to numb the pain. Remember, the pain is your beautiful body speaking to you for attention. So pain is just the way your body is saying. I mean, it's, it's actually a portal to transformation. If you think about it, pain can be a portal to transformation.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. What if I told you the most overlooked system in your body might be blocking your orgasms? Today I'm talking with Lauren Roxburgh, the body whisperer, and she's here to pop our fascia cherry. Lauren explains fascia, the communication network Western medicine literally threw away in the 1900s, thinking it was just packing wrap. Turns out it's your sixth sense where trauma gets stored and where arousal and pain are felt. When it's congested, you age faster and feel less. When it's flowing, you come back home to your body. We're answering listener questions about Painful sex with a tilted uterus, lifelong premature ejaculation that nothing has fixed, and post menopausal pain despite being on all the right hormones. This is embodiment work at its finest. And it might just be the missing piece you've been looking for. All right, let's get into the episode.

Halo. I'm really excited that you're here. I need you to pop our fascia cherry today. You are an expert on fascia. You are the expert on fascia, and, you know, you explain is the organ of feeling and perception. So. So can you please just explain what fascia is? Because it's really gonna lay the groundwork for our talk today.

I would love to. So fascia has always been my love language. I didn't realize it until I actually started studying it about 15 years ago when I went to a school about structural integration. And what I discovered is that, you know, we know. We know. Fascia is like this scaffolding of our body. It's like this kind of spider webbing that envelops the. The entire part of us. It weaves through every cell of our body and intersects and connects with every system of our body, which means it's intersecting and communicating with our nervous system, our endocrine system, our hormones, our digestive system, to name a few. There's 12. I won't name all of them, but it's an incredibly important system. And what it is, you know, technically, it's this kind of the stuff that you would see when you open up a chicken.

Okay.

You know when you have, like, a chicken you buy at the store, you see that white stuff?

Yeah.

So that's what fascia looks like. It's like the glue of the body. When you see that, the fascia of the chicken, though, it's. That's in a dead body, obviously, our.

Fascia looks better than that.

It does when we're alive. So what. What we've now realized is that it's not just the scaffolding that's holding us up and giving us shape and form. It's actually. It's a communication network inside of our bodies, sending and receiving information. Sound, light, frequency, energy, and cellular nutrition, cellular hydration, and even emotions. So it's this incredible webbing that is in all of us. The superficial fascia lays right underneath the skin and above the muscles. It wraps around each individual muscle, kind of like a Saran wrapp, weaves through our organs, our viscera. So when our fascia gets congested and dried up and brittle, that's what we call aging. What I believe is that fascia is the fountain of youth for. For many reasons. Now, the other big thing that's happening right now is that if you know anything about Chinese medicine, acupuncture, so that deals with our energy. Well, it turns out that our meridians, where we get the needles put in, lives in the fascia. That's where the energy is moving through us. So if you believe in energy, how could we not? We're all energetic beings. Right. And what's so exciting about that is that when you create freedom and flow and bring hydration into your fascia, you can start living in your body again and start tuning in to the sensations. And so now we know fascia. Also in the new science, like we said, that was the dead piece of fascia you see in the chicken. We now have cameras and technology that can see fascia in a living body. And so this is where the medical paradigm will actually never be the same, because we now know that it's a site of biological activity. It's even being considered now the sixth sense, the sense of feeling. So now we now we know, you know, all of our five senses, sight, sound, taste and touch. And then now we know that, like, skin is to touch, fascia is to feeling. And so it's the sixth sense, and it's where we feel everything. It's where our body feels arousal, it's where our body feels pain, and it's how our body communicates with us. So there's this incredible secret language happening within our bodies, and it's all happening in the fascia.

So how come we don't know about fascia? Like, if people. I think people are starting to hear about it a little bit more. And you were the first person who introduced me to fascia.

Yeah.

When we first met, it was. You have your rollers that people's into foam rolling, or they should be. But you were the first one who, like, gave me one. And it was like, we're going to work together on if anyone's done this, you've had sore muscles or at the gym, they have it, you roll. And that's where I was first feeling, like, where I first understood it, that it's actually, we can access it, we can move the energy through our bodies and deal with pain. So. But why don't we. Yeah. Why do we know about it? Like, what is this?

A great question. I mean, the rolling is great and I'm a big believer in it. That's called myofascial release, because that's just very Superficial. And so that's working with like, the. The muscular fascia. But now, because we know it's. And this is something that I've been on a mission to learn more about and read all the new scientific studies and, you know, collaborate with other scientists as well in the space to understand it more, to realize that it's in. It's touching every cell of us. And so what's really remarkable about that is that fascia, the reason why we don't know about it is because in. For some reason, something happened in the early 1900s where there was a division of church and state. And that means that church was going to just be more of the spiritual side of, you know, us humans. And then the state was like, we'll take over the bodies. And so for some reason, I can't really explain it, but they just started disregarding fascia in dissections in medical school. They thought it was just the packing wrap of our bodies. They just threw it away. They never investigated it.

Does those. The styrofoam popcorn. Exactly. We'll just. Or, yeah.

Your saran wrapping, your plastic wrapping. Right. We don't need that. We don't need to study that. We need to get to the bones and the organs and the muscles and da, da, da. So that's where the real change happened. And something happened in that time, but before that, the father of osteopathy. So if you've ever had an osteo session, he was alive in the late 1800s, early 1900s. He coined the term that the soul of a man's being resides in the fascia. And so when you think back that someone already knew this back then. And then something divided us and took us in two different directions. And then Western medicine, of course, we need it, but we've been numbing. We've been just giving people pills. We've been, you know, filling voids and turning off the sensations. So that way we can't feel our soul. So we've been numbing ourselves. So bringing it back around to realizing that we. When we start working with our fascia, we can actually connect again to our consciousness, or some people might call it the soul. So what I've seen as a body worker in my career is that when we get. Or if you apply pressure with a roller or any tool, that you actually can get the person's consciousness to come back into these areas, to actually live in their body again. And that will awaken your intuition, it will awaken your gut instincts, it will help you connect to your authentic Self again. And then that's when you become magnetic and you attract anything and everything that is meant to be in this lifetime for you. It is profound. And the magnetic energy, you know, we're electromagnetic beings. The electric part is the masculine. The magnetic part is the feminine. Most of us have been living more in the masculine. And so the. The fascia to me is helping rise consciousness on the planet and bring more of the feminine in, because the feminine is the feelings. Feelings are the feminine energy, and that's the magnetic energy. So our thoughts are electric, our feelings are magnetic, Thoughts are masculine. The magnetic is the feminine. And that's where we create this amazing balance. And we've been living in just the thoughts. We've been living in our head. We've been living in the cerebral mind for too long. We've been living in control and force. Try to make it happen. Do, do, do. It served us, but we're now fatigued. And now we're ready for the feminine to rise. Not to take over, but to create balance. It's not about the feminine or women only. This is the feminine energy in us all. And this is where fascia is the bridge to connect us back to our feelings.

I talk a lot about embodiment and being in our bodies and being, which is what kind of work you do. What I love about this is that we are so heady. Like you're saying, we are trying even in meditation, which I think is very important. But when you can add a movement to that, when you can add the, you know, the fascia and getting into your body, well, that's what's going to help people get out of this disassociation. They might have the numbing that you're talking about. It reminds me of the clitoris in a way. So the clitoris wasn't in. Here's why. The clitoris was also understudied and wasn't even any medical journals until, like 1992 or 1998 because they decided it wasn't important. Men and women are now this. We could study the penis, we can study the vagina, but we missed it. We totally missed it. So that's why we have to play so much catch up. And I feel like you're doing that with fascia right now. How is it impacting our ability to have pleasure in our life? Is it stealing our pleasure? And then how can we ground and get in touch with our fascists so we can have more?

Oh, there's so many good nuggets there. I love it. I mean, I think yeah, we're coming back home. We're coming back home to our body, the way it's really meant to be. We're coming back home to our power. The power we have within us is so incredibly powerful. Like, the same energy that created our life is there available to us at any time, and we've just forgotten. And so when we come back to the feelings and we can tune in to become more sensual, and we do this through. I mean, one of my favorite things is to do it with the body elixir, because it works with the olfactory. So this is the oil I've created a few years ago, and it's called the body elixir. It's a magical potion. And so we use scent to bring us back to our senses. And this scent is a really powerful piece to come back to the present moment and to have moments of awe. How do we come back? Like, if we want to have amazing sex, we need to be present and we need to be embodied and not disassociated. The other thing about fascia is that trauma gets stuck in our tissues as well, and then that creates an actual vibration, a frequency that lowers our vibration or maybe even attracts certain things. So, but the thing that we've forgotten is that we have the power to shift that and to move those energies out. And like Gabor Mate's work, I know you're a fan of his work as well. Trauma is not what happened to us. It's how our body dealt with what happened to us. And when we think of it that way, and we know it's true, we have power. There is so much power in that, to realize we have the power to alchemize these experiences that we go through and actually integrate them and have compassion and they become part of us instead of denying them and trying to shove them under the fascia carpet. What I've found in my work, and also the new. The people that are on the cutting edge of this, this new thing that's opening this whole. Like, all the science, all the people in the healing world are finally coming together with doctors and scientists now. We're all seeing the same thing. Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, all the ancient wisdoms have known this for a long time. We're coming back to this. And what we're realizing is that fascia is the organ of perception. It's like literally experiencing and recording every memory, every experience. Everything we go through it is recording everything, and it's protecting us. It's going, oh, I shouldn't go there, or I need to take a deep breath, or I need to eat or I need water. It's keeping us alive. And so when we have traumatic times in our lives, whatever our nervous system and our conscious mind can't handle at that moment then gets stored in our subconscious mind. And so now we believe that the fascia is the subconscious mind. You cannot change the past, but you can create a new future. And you do that by realizing, like, I went through something really shitty, and I. I don't want to be defined by that for the rest of my life. I don't want to carry that around with me like a bag of coals. I don't want it to be vibrating my magnetic energy to keep attracting the same thing. I would even call it the. The trauma roundabout. We can get stuck on the trauma roundabout. And I'm not being uncompassionate. What I'm showing is that I know there's time that needs to be processed. But the experience that we go through, we cannot change the past. So we need to integrate it and somehow be able to accept that it's part of us and to be okay with that being part of us as humans. And maybe we. Maybe we turn that pain into purpose. Maybe we do something amazing with that, and maybe that makes us walk our true path. I mean, that's why I'm doing this work, because of my story. My mom died of breast cancer. I wanted to learn, why do people get cancer? I turned my pain into purpose, and now I feel like I want to share this with so many more people.

Maybe you could explain perhaps, how you would work with someone who came to you, because we haven't even gotten to the pelvic floor yet. It's all connected, of course, but I think that there's such magical work you do with the pelvic floor. But, for example, if you've had a trauma and you go to therapist, which I believe that everybody benefits from therapy, especially if you've had a trauma of any kind. So now we've recognized it. But what are some of the things that we. That we do or how you work with people to help them? How do we know that we're releasing it? What do we do? And it starts with our fascia.

Absolutely. So what we do is turn on the neuromuscular pathways. We rewire our body, our body, from the brain to the body, from the body back to the brain. Because what happens is, if we are not processing that trauma at that moment, it will then be stored. And what happens is we then disassociate or become numb. Maybe pain will start residing there. A lot of tension, a lot of thickness, density, inflammation, which leads to congestion, which then can lead to disease. So the energy likes to pool around those areas, and then the muscles start to weaken, the nerves start to shut down. So then you lose tone there or you become hypertonic, which means you're overly tight and you're overly clenched. And then when you're clenched, then you try to go and have sex and you have pain during sex.

The clenching. Can you talk a little bit about the pelvic floor clenching that we don't really know that we're doing it right? Because there are so many women who have pain during sex or just pain in general, and they are like, I don't know why, but can you talk about the role of the pelvic floor in that house?

Yes. So much is happening down there subconsciously. So the subconscious, like even it's. It's the whole connection from the cranium to the sacrum. Okay. And that's where the base of the core, sometimes I'll call it the pelvic floor. Right. So it's a hammock of muscles that attaches your sits bones and your pubic bone and your tailbone. And this area of the body can get really tight because anytime we get to a traffic jam or we get that, you, you know, you run into someone, you're like, oh, I don't like that person's energy. Or you get that stressful phone call or email. We subconsciously clutch ourselves. We if. Well, if we're not aware. And this is something, let me tell you, it takes one to know one. Because I was like, I've mentioned to you before, my teacher, when I first learned this pelvic floor release, it's like popping a cork. Literally, when I learned this, I. My. My teacher was like, you have one of the tightest pelvic floors and jaws he had ever seen. It's because I was an athlete growing up, and I was like a really competitive swimmer and water polo player. And so I was like, all about force and pushing through and making it happen. So this is why I feel like I can talk about this, because I've gone through it and I've had so much lower back pain, hip pain, stiffness. I mean, I could barely do a yoga class. I was so wound up, my jaw was so tight, my face looked different, my symmetry looked different. And so as I started to realize how do we release this through either touch through, like, actual body work, or through using A tool. So, you know, I use the body sphere, and we use the body sphere, which is a squishy ball. And you sit on it, and you can get the neuromuscular connections to come back and rewire. So you can start, as we were saying earlier, start living in that part of your body again, your soul.

And we're gonna do. We're gonna do a little video that we're gonna point you guys to. We'll put it in the show.

That'll be super helpful, really. Getting into the meridians and the lymph system. That helps flush out, like, and the energy and emotions. So it helps flush out emotions. Like, around. For women, we have so much heaviness and density in our hips because it's where our joints, you know, we have a lot of muscles intersecting. It's like a traffic jam. So anytime there's a lot of muscles coming in to attach to around a joint, that's a real area where it can get congested and emotions can live in the joints. And so we work with the domes, the spiky ones on that area and the inner thighs. And then we sit on the ball and move our hips around the ball, and then that just opens up and expands that hammock of muscles, the deep core. It's like the base of the core, the pelvic core.

I mean, it's everything, though. I mean, I remember when you were first on the show, the power. Your book had come out. The power source. She's literally talking about pelvic floor. That is where the power is. That's where our sexual energy lies, our creativity. But since it is this central part of our bodies, it gets misaligned.

The alignment piece is really key because then that force of energy can pulse through us more efficiently. I love to say that when you start working with your fascia, you get these incredible physical, biomechanical, physiological benefits. It's like getting an upgrade, you know, I love saying that fascia is like the WI fi of our body, sending and receiving this information. And so, you know, I mean, you know what it's like when you have slow WI fi. Yeah, it's terrible.

Nightmare. We can't even handle it for two seconds. And most of us are living with slow. We're living with. Most of us are living with dial up right now.

There you go. Dial up.

We are living with dial up.

That's perfect.

I love that we're living with dial up wi fi. We were, like, living in the 90s or whenever that was 2000s, and by rolling, sitting Doing some of the stretching, taking one of your courses. We can learn to kind of get it back online, get it back to high speed Internet.

Yeah, high speed. And even I would say too, I mean, the way I look at it, you've got the WI fi in the body, which is sending all the information to the brain, which is the computer processing center. So. But we've been doing everything from the computer instead of the, you know, getting the information. So I'm like, we need to do the opposite.

I'm just thinking about the benefits of doing it throughout our life. Like if you took two to three minutes and I feel like that some of your work is just. You don't have to like, commit. I'm doing it for an hour a day. It could just be. I'm going to do this one move. I'm going to look to the left, I'm going to look to the right and move my hands up and down. And then you'll feel your whole body. Right. Start to sort of go back online in the way that you want it to.

I said back online. Yeah, that's it. Because we're running our energy through our body. And so if we want to show up in the world with like, good energy, which. Who doesn't want that? Right?

Yeah.

Then we have to do something every day to move it literally is. It's called pzoelectric energy. It's pzoelectricity. So in our fascia also, like we were saying, you know, the meridians are in the fascia, but that means it's basically electricity. And the reason that is is because, you know, fascia is made out of collagen and elastin, but it's also wrapped with a shell of water. So the water, it's like if you put your hair dryer in a bathtub, right, you're going to get electrocuted. So the water shell is how, sometimes people call it a liquid crystal. It's how the electricity goes through us.

So we're talking about circulation because this is why I think this is so crucial for people to understand that most of the challenges, and we're going to get into some questions here, but most of the challenges that people are facing in the bedroom, if it's an orgasm, whether you have your penis or a vulva, you are probably having a blood flow challenge or a circulation challenge because you're not going to be able to get aroused, you're not going to get erection or you have pain because you are like clenching and everything's tight. It's all like circulation, blood flow. So it would come from that.

And energy.

And energy. And energy is blocked too. So the feelings of the motions. If you had a trauma, you've been clenching and, and you are holding stuff in and you haven't been moving your body in these ways that we're talking about, you're going to have some challenges and I can talk to you about it all day. But the body part is, what's missing is the movement. And I always say, like, you've got to be exercising, but maybe it's just not the right kind. If you're only spinning or you're only like, it's really. We get tighter. It might almost be like that could help with some blood flow. But we're talking about this deep internal body work.

The way you get into the subconscious and the embodiment piece is you can't do it when you're in fight or flight. You can't do it when you're in sympathetic with the nervous system. So if for someone that knows themselves a little bit, maybe they, they are like stressed. So you take like two minutes and you do like, you massage your ears to tap into your vagus nerve, which brings you into the more calming state of the nervous system, which is about rest, digest and heal and coming into your body again. And the vagus nerve also opens up compassion. It also opens up just getting into your body again. So, yeah, ear rubbing, you can do the neck rubbing here because the vagus nerve goes from the ears down through the neck, down through the heart, down to the gut into the pelvic floor. Because if you really do believe, you know Nikola Tesla's quote, if you want to know the secrets of the universe, you got to start thinking in terms of energy, frequency and vibration. So if you want real intimacy, which I know not everybody does, but if you want really good sex, aligning yourself with the being in front of you on all these levels brings you into your body, into the moment, and into the deepest connection you could feel.

I think most people do want deeper connected sex and most people probably do want intimacy. They just don't know how to get there.

Yeah.

And you could be talking. Try reading all the books and trying to meditate and maybe in therapy with your partner. But this is the stuff that if you are live in a stress state most of your life, or you are in fight or flight, it's actually impossible to have pleasure and arousal in the same moment that you're living in stress or fight or flight.

Yeah.

And so this is the kind of like Tools and tips that will help you get there. And you don't have to do on your own. You could do it with a partner or a friend. I feel like you are personifying embodiment here in a way that I just think is so important for people to understand. Because I try, and maybe I. People like Emily, we get it already. But I don't know. Like, I'm. Like, this is another level, another layer that I want people to really thank.

You for saying that. I appreciate that the embodiment piece has been something that I've been working on. Like, I. I feel like we can know a lot of things in our head, but if we're not living it and breathing it, and that's, to me, the most important piece, we have to be what we want to attract. And one of the best gifts that I ever got in my lifetime. The advice I had after I went through my divorce, went through my perfect storm, which we can talk about the best advice. And I know it sounds so cliche, and people will roll their eyes, but fall in love with yourself before you do anything else, because then everyone else will fall in love with you. And that is not from an ego place. That is not. It is a humble confidence. Fall in love with the best parts about you. Same thing we talked about earlier with trauma. Trauma. We can't change the past. We can't really change certain things about us. Especially the more you get to know yourself, the more you can fall in love with yourself and honor that. And then you can be the best person, reach your highest potential, and be the change we want to see in the world.

Be the change. It's true. Really be it.

But the being is the embodiment piece. You can say everything. Your energy introduces you before you walk in the door. So I would rather bring good vibes where I go. And so I use affirmations a lot in the morning. Like, right when we wake up in the morning is a great time. And that's why I like to weave these things in. They're so easy. They're things that you're already doing. You're gonna go to sleep, you're gonna wake up.

Yeah. How do we weave it in?

So the first thing in the morning is this opportunity when you're asleep and you're. There's like a few minutes between. When you're back in your conscious mind, your monkey mind. That's when our subconscious is more available. So take that moment and start reprogramming your subconscious in the morning. Like, I'll say, I am Love. I embody radiance. I embody joy. I am here to make the world better. Whatever you want to bring into your body, into your essence, into your being, and start vibrating, this is like, not woo woo at all.

This is how you are. I know. It's really not. And you are the most brightest, like, happy, like, this is how you are. So it's like.

I mean, it's taken a while to get here. Let me tell you.

I have the affirmations in my phone. I don't do them all the time, but when I have the days or weeks or months where it's steady. Because if you think about. Also if you're somebody who has a lot of negative self talk.

Yes.

If you're replacing it with more positive affirmations, you also are rewiring it. That's why it's so important to have the affirmations.

And that's the consciousness piece. And the consciousness piece is the key in. To the embodiment. You gotta have the consciousness to get to the feeling, right?

Yes.

To feel the feelings.

So we're. So we're just walking around in unconscious. Many of us.

Many. And that's okay because we're getting there. The popcorn is popping. Lots of people are popping awake. What I love for your audience to hear too, is the benefits are, like, the radiance that you can, like. I love the word radiance for, like, women over 40 especially, because it's like, it's not like, oh, you want to have glowing skin. That feels so superficial. Like, radiance is a magnetic energy of, like, you can see someone is juicy. Like, they have this radiance in their eyes, on their skin. And it's not about being young, it's about being whole.

Okay. So on the show, I get a lot of questions from people who have pain during sex. And I always say, maybe go to a pelvic floor physical therapist. That could help you release some pain. But it's sort of complex. Not everyone's pain is the same, but many people don't even know what the pelvic floor is.

Yeah.

Why it matters, how it's impacting our pain a little bit. So you do all the work on people, a lot of people, getting people to strengthen and stabilize their pelvic floor. So what kind of strength, strong, stable pelvic floor do for your sex life?

Ooh, great question. So there's a few different layers to this. So the pelvic floor gets tight from. It can be from, like, after having a baby and the way your body has healed. It can be from that subconscious clutching down there. I like to call it the on off stress button. Sometimes the pelvic floor is like. We don't realize it, but we're just like, white knuckling our way. Like, we'll actually be white knuckling. Some people sleep like that with their fists like that, or their jaw, like, clenched the whole time. Or you're having crazy dreams, and so you're locking everything. And then that's also locking down in the pelvic floor. So that tightness and tension is going to create a blockage. And so like we were talking about early earlier, the pain is a message. So we don't want to numb the pain. Remember, the pain is your beautiful body speaking to you for attention. So pain is just the way your body is saying. I mean, it's. It's actually a portal to transformation. If you think about it. Pain can be a portal to transformation if you allow it to be. So we have to reframe our whole relationship.

We really do. So we've got a bad bat, we're trying to num. We're taking a pill, we're doing something. You're saying the pain has messages.

It has major messages. And always I will say that pain, wherever the pain is in the body, isn't the only place to address. So it can be meaning in your other places in your body to address, like your jaw or your feet or your inner thighs or your hips. But also, there's always something else there in the life that needs to be addressed. I shouldn't say always. Many times. Many times. There's other things that need to be addressed. Whether it's emotional, because the emotions get stuck in there, wrapped up. The emotions just. They like to lodge themselves in the areas where we have, you know, congestion. Just like lymph. The lymph nodes are in the back.

Oh, I'm gonna go right down to the pelvic. Just gonna sit there.

I'm just gonna sit there. It makes it more predisposed to issues. We call it issues in the tissues.

This is why we. This is why we say that.

Okay, so pain during sex is something that usually is from having too much tightness down there and not have beat. Not being in receive mode, not able to be in receive mode, which is the feminine. So the feminine is the nurturing, and you need to be open. Right? So I love. I actually love practicing the reverse kegel.

Okay.

So people think that you need to do the kegel, but it's actually the reverse kegel is Needed as well. So we can do it together.

Let's do a reverse Kegel. Okay.

So we have to uncross our legs.

Okay.

And it's literally like, no one will see us. You can do this anytime, anywhere. I recommend people to do it, like, while they're driving at a stop sign. So you just do a little. So what? You do the visual. Close your eyes so that you can go into your body, into your interoception, into your connection to what's happening inside of you, and then just do a little squeeze. Everyone knows how to do a Kegel pull.

They might not.

Oh.

So I always say it's the p. Stopping muscles where you stop and start the flow of urine.

Perfect.

So if you're, like, all of a sudden, someone's knocking on the bathroom door, and you want stop peeing, like, it's that muscle. Stop it.

Cut the pee off.

Cut the pee off. Yeah.

Right. Like, and that's actually hard to do, so really trying to not use, like, your core or your butt as much. But just picture that hammock of muscles, right? The pubic bone to the tailbone and then the two sitting bones. So it's like a. Like a hammock. And then you're gonna squeeze that. You're gonna pull it up and in like a rosebud, sucking it up into your core.

Okay.

You'll notice your jaw feels tight, or your shoulders hold onto it. And then slowly let it go. This is the reverse Kegel. Let it go. One more layer. Like a flower blossoming. Visualize.

I love the visual.

Yeah, that's key. Right?

Because we all learn so differently that when you throw in the visual part of it, that really helps the flower.

Yes. And I have, like, audio meditations that do this, but we'll do it again one more time. So pull it up and in. Squeeze.

And then let it go and expand like a flower. And then before we shift into something else, take a deep breath. As you breathe in, your diaphragm presses down into your organs. Your organs drop down into your pelvic floor. And your pelvic floor naturally expands like the blossom. And then as you exhale, everything just naturally comes up. This is how our body pumps the cerebral spinal fluid through our body from our cranium to our sacrum. That fluid also feeds the brain nutrients and helps flush the brain of toxins.

Wow.

So there you go.

Oh, my God. I felt. I felt the tension, and then I just felt it all, like, release the body. Yeah.

So when you realize that you're. When you take Those breaths with awareness, you, the breathing. I think a lot of people don't realize that breath is like the pelvic floor is totally connected to breath. People just talk about the lungs. I'm like, no, no, you gotta breathe down into the flower blossoming. And then it'll take longer and then you start living in that part of your body again. That's the embodiment piece.

We talk about disassociation or disconnection. A lot of us walk around just completely disconnected to that part of our body. So learning to do some of these breathing exercises, even if it's just a few minutes a day or when you want to be more turned on or in the mood, it is a game changer. Because if you think about it, that might have been the first time for many people just to get that connection, but that's how you directly connect it. And it helps to visualize the part that we're talking about because that's, that's where you're gonna get more. If you guys wanted more sexual pleasure, more orgasms, that is the first step is connecting to it. Take a deep breath, feel your body. And Lauren and I will be right back after a quick break. Okay, Lo, will you help me answer some questions here?

Yes.

From our listeners. I think that these would be right up your alley. This is from another Emily, 27, in Orange County. Hey, Dr. Emily. I've listened to the podcast for years. I'm a huge fan of the show and information shared on this platform. So I've been sexually active for about 10 years. This last year I started having bad pain, stabbing pain, cramping. My current partner is well endowed, about 8 inches. I've been to the gyno several times and had ultrasounds. Worried I had endometriosis, pcos, fibroids, or something else going on. None of that seemed to be the case. However, I was told that I have a tilted uterus, which could explain the pain during sex. On top of having a larger than average partner. I am perplexed by the fact that I've had sex for almost a decade without having this pain and it's just starting. Recently it has made sex difficult as I feel like I'm always worried or stressed about being in pain or something hitting the wrong way. It's also annoying as positions that used to be my favorite are some of the most painful. I'm looking for advice positions that can help those with a tilted uterus, above average partner. I'm hearing having a tilted uterus is fairly common, so hoping I can Help others struggling with a similar issue. So I think there's a few things. She's had the uterus, but I think also having a larger partner, a larger penis now is going to be hitting her in ways that are just causing more pain than she's ever had before. She's probably always had a tilted uterus, but could you speak to that? The body structure of the uterus and maybe what's going on here?

Absolutely. So first thing I would say is, like, it's also. Probably has to do with his angle. Right. And where he's sitting. Yeah.

Okay.

But the tilted uterus thing is something that. Who knows if she's had it from day one. But there are. It's like someone that has scoliosis, you know, you can work through that. People heal themselves from. You know, you can. Our organs are so malleable. And after, you know, as you get pregnant, you have a kid, you know, I mean, your organs are, like, all out of whack. And so you have to do a lot of work to get them back in. So actually doing things like inversions for her, working on getting her pelvis more aligned. Like, the doctors that saw that, they only were looking at one part of her. If I saw her in front of me, I'd probably look at her feet, look at how her hips are, look at how her pelvis is aligned. Is it. Does she have a pelvic torsion? Is one side of her hips more anterior, the other side more posterior? How do we get some more space between her ribs and her hips to create that length? Because we all kind of ends up, like, getting those love handles because we're so smushed from sitting too much and that's, you know, muffin tops show up.

You can get rid of those sitting.

Yeah. So repositioning her organs and her structure, getting more length through her structure, like doing maybe some pilates, could be helpful for her. Doing some great bodywork could be amazing because she can't change his size, but she could maybe move her organs around a little bit and get more alignment and more space. So that's all it is. She needs a little more space for her beautiful man, you know?

Yeah, that's okay. So that's. And then also positions. Probably there's other positions that she could find too.

That's your expertise.

Right. Putting a pillow underneath, like, if he's. End up putting a pillow and elevating yourself, like, under your belly, Doing the.

Pelvic floor releases, too, would be huge. Like on the ball, just to open, like, and Also meditate on having more space in there and expanding that flower. I mean, we have people that gain an inch to an inch and a half in height from. I mean, that's why I call my body book Taller, Slimmer, Younger, because people were getting an inch to an inch and a half taller. Like, it's not. It's, like, totally measurable. It's crazy.

Well, so that's the body alignment part of it. So could you. Would you actually work with her? For example, could she see someone like. Like you do?

Yes. A structural integration practitioner would be phenomenal because they can get into the viscera and move the organs around. And it's. It's the most amazing or almost orgasmic feeling, too. I mean, it hurts at first and then. But once you get it to open, your digestion changes. Like, your waist becomes thinner. A pelvic floor therapist could be helpful as well, because, again, it could be something that's shown up more recently. There could be some more tension in there that could be related to stress or a psychosomatic thing or a trauma thing that's maybe left over from the past.

Okay. Yeah. And I also think for positions, too, don't go right into the same positions you always do. So having a pillow will help you elevate your pelvic floor. Spooning position is a great one for this because you could, again, always still put. I just love pillows. They're the most underrated sex accessory to use to get you in the right position. Because a lot of us, since we are not that connected to what's happening during sex, and we're not really feeling what's going on, we tend to just go into the same position every time, but it's, like, not working for anymore. So, Emily, I could give you a few suggestions, like spooning. It would be great. Or seeing how it works with him on the bed and you're with you on the bed and he's off the bed, play around with it and be conscious with him and say, let. Let's just play around and, like, try different angles. Because I think you're going to be able to find that in addition to doing some exercises, just sort of thinking, like, what is a better place for us to be doing these certain positions? You'll be able to find a more comfortable place for you. I don't think that we're just often intentional about our sex positions or about sex at all.

Great tips.

Okay, so this is a big one. I was excited to talk to you about this premature ejaculation. This is Derek he's 43, in Ontario. Hey, Dr. Emily. I recently watched your interview with Mel and I loved your advice. I want to ask my own questions. I've been with my wife for 20 years, married for 15. We have two children and for the most part, I am happy with our sex life. I suffer from premature ejaculation and have my whole life. I've tried several things over the years to resolve this issue with no success. When I was younger, my recovery time was much better, so it didn't bother me as much. Still embarrassing, but at least I could go again and last a little longer. Now that I'm older, this is not the case. I've learned over the years how to pleasure my wife through oral sex, which is what we do every time we have sex. So she's able to have a couple orgasms when we're intimate. She says it doesn't bother her. She's happy that she can please me so easily, but I hate it. I wish I could just enjoy the feeling of sex for more than just a minute without coming. And then. Check this out. Any advice we appreciated over the years, I read lots of literature and tried to breathing exercises, Kegel squeeze technique, stop start technique, numbing gels, SSRI inhibitors, pressure points, tantric sex. With strong Kegels and pressure points, you can divert your orgasm and not come. I thought I was onto something, but I'd lose my erection. So kind of defeated the purpose. I tried Viagra to see if I could last longer. I have no luck. Help me. I want to enjoy my partner. Better orgasms.

Well, how cool is this guy, by the way?

I'm so proud of.

I'm so proud of him that he really wants this.

He wants it so badly. I know. I love all the effort and work he's doing.

But now this is it. This is bringing him to start living in this part of his body again. All the things he mentioned, I mean, I wouldn't say all, but many of them sound very like creating more tension, more contraction down there, which Kegels. Remember we were saying we need the reverse Kegel. We need the expansion, we need the visualization to open that area up. So for him, yes, even for men, we need to be able to release that clutch so that you can allow your body to be more connected down there. Turn on those neuromuscular connections again. And that's what gives you the ability to connect and hold it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You think like, so that he's premature, ejaculate. There's a lot of different reasons why people do it. It's like it could be habitual because it's been happening since like the first time he had sex. And he's just been trying to correct what would be his protocol.

It's not just in one place. It's like this holistic.

Everything's never in one place.

You know what I mean? Like, it's this armor. And so this is very typical in like the Western world. Like, I had to study this when I was in my school for structural integration and we had to study how people walk in different areas of the world. So, like, for instance, in Brazil, they have so much more hip movement. They've got like more sensuality in just the way they walk. Walk. And in Africa, same thing. Then you go and watch people walking in the subway in the uk. No offense to our UK people. Love you guys, the British people, but they look like they have like a stick up their ass. Literally a sticker so tight their hips aren't moving, their organs aren't moving. There's no flushing happening. There's no juiciness happening down there. So the energy is just like. It's so sensitive. Too sensitized.

So we're not even walking right. So, yeah, that's. He's in Canada. I don't know how Canadians are. He's in Ontario.

I think it's very Western as well. I mean, this is.

We're just stiff all around. We're uptight, we're stiff.

Oh my gosh. All the pro athletes I've worked with, when we go in and do the pelvic floor neuromuscular re patterning and help them tune into that. Because literally when you touch someone, you're turning on that awareness, right? So you're bringing them back into that body. Into the body. And that imprint stays with you forever. So doing the work of the. Like, when I worked with the athletes, they were able, like, they were like, oh my God. One of the benefits is that I can literally like go so much longer in the bedroom. Let alone they also were also be able to jump higher and have quicker reaction time. So they're more. It's literally an upgrade. It's an upgrade in the wi fi of that part of your body. So going and finding someone that does the body work, a pelvic floor therapist or a structural integration person that does.

He could do that as well. I always think it's always women, but like, like that could really help. So he hasn't done that yet.

He hasn't done that yet.

A pelvic floor. Would you say it's a pelvic floor physical therapist or a structural.

I would go more in the structural integrative because that is like how you get into embodiment Derek.

So try that out and let us know. I want to be the one that helps Derek because he's been on a journey. Yeah, he's 43. We're going to get him there. Okay, Derek. Thank you, Sonia. She's 57 in Connecticut.

Okay.

Hello, Dr. Emily. I absolutely love your podcast. I never miss an episode. I am 57 and post menopause. I am on transdermal estrogen, estradiol, and oral progesterone. When sex became too painful, I started using Premarin, which is vaginal cream, as prescribed by my doctor. I also use them externally, especially in that painful six o' clock area. It's been over six months. There isn't any improvement. Penetration is also painful, and I actually frequently bleed. No amount of quality lube makes it more tolerable. My husband, I love each other dearly, but we don't even try anymore and we have zero sexual intimacy. He's also challenged with low testosterone, and insurance will only barely cover injections that he finds cumbersome and leaves him with pain at the injection site for some time. My question is twofold. Is my condition permanent and there is no hope? And is there anything besides injections that can help raise a man's testosterone? Thanks for all you do. Well, I think this is such a great question for you is because she's doing all the things, she's on the hormones, which I am a fan of. I think that so many of us can benefit from hormones when we go through perimenopause, menopause. There's been a lot of misinformation about it, but now we're realizing that this can really be beneficial. But she's still having pain and her husband's also suffering. So what would you think here?

I've got a few thoughts. So the first thing I would say, say is acupuncture and herbs, Chinese herbs. There are some incredible herbs that you can take, you know, till the day you die that keep you young and youthful and supple and hydrated and. Yeah, so that. Because the acupuncture is helping with the chi, as we know, the energy, if you believe it or not. I mean, there's tons of research on it now.

I love acupuncture.

And then, you know, as we said earlier, the meridians are in the fascia. And so again, getting that, I Think it's about getting that circulation and blood flow coming down into that area, turning on the nerves again, living in that part of your body again. And that might take a little bit of time to get into a practice with that. But a lot of people will feel their hormones regulate even more. And doesn't matter what stage you're in. Like, I have a lot of clients in that are over 70 that are women, and they're ha. They still have juiciness down there because we worked on that, and that's been an intention that they have.

So maybe she should take one of your courses.

Yes. The pelvic floor course would be amazing. Awaken the power of the pelvic floor.

And now it's coming out. Right.

That's coming out soon. Yeah. Sign up for the wait list.

So you're hearing from people, say, women this age that you're working with.

Yes.

Through your studio. That they're like, I haven't felt this before because I'm with. It makes sense that their hormones will come back online. Yeah.

The nervous system is the one that is the big boss to all the other system. There's all these other layers to her story and his actually, which is really that how stressed are you? And how often are you able to get into that parasympathetic state of rest, digest, and heal? Because when you do that, your nervous system goes, oh, I can secrete more hormones. I don't have to just be in, like, fight and fear the whole time. That takes so much energy from you. Acupuncture can help tremendously for men especially. And there's even specific herbs. There's an herb that stimulates testosterone for the men. They call it deer antler. Okay. Which is a specific Chinese herb. That's like a game changer. I mean, nature has so much medicine.

Chinese herbs is great for a lot of the perimenopause, menopausal symptoms. I remember when I first started having, like, night sweats. I went to acupuncturist. I took these. They stop, like, within a day. Like this tea with this herbs. It's pretty.

It can be really gnarly, though. But it doesn't taste great.

But it was, like, such a relief to know, like. Yeah, but we just, again, we just. Just want a quick fix. Go to our doctors. We get medications. It doesn't often work, so. And that's fine. It's all good.

Yeah. But the rebounder could be helpful as well. Gentle bouncing just to kind of move that energy down there as well. Because when you Bounce. You're giving every cell of your body a little massage.

And also when you're bouncing, are you able to. Does it help the. Whatever medications you're taking circulate more, too? Is that part of it?

Well, it helps.

It makes sense.

Sense. It helps discharge a lot of the toxic buildup that, you know, that we all build up, which then allows the real medicine to work better.

Oh, my God, Lo, thank you so much. That's very, very helpful.

Is that enough for her?

I think it is. Your condition is not permanent, Sonia, at all. Nothing is permanent. And I think if you've learned anything today, there's so much that we can do that we haven't done yet. We haven't even tapped into yet. So it is not permanent. Your first day of the rest of your life could be today if you're taking some of this. This knowledge in and realizing there's changes you can make. So. So try some more bodies, some movement, some more work. We'll talk about how they can find you in a second low and take a course. And then. Is there anything besides injections? There's a lot of stuff about the nutrition, can help with testosterone, can help with hormones, just. But again, it's all holistic. So how is his mindset around it? Is he in fight or flight? I mean, if he's getting these shots and he has fear around it, like, that's not going to help. How connected are you guys? You know, when you're having sex, how's your relationship? He could also take a cream, though. If he doesn't want injections, though, and he still wants testosterone. You could take testosterone cream and rub that on instead of an injection if you really want it. There's like supplements and pills. And then you could go see a naturopath. You could go see a specialist, a urologist. So I'm just leaning into this show, into more of the body wisdom part, which I think is important.

I would say another modality that I would recommend in this particular scenario would be cranial sacral regulating the nervous system. And that will help all the other systems start to do what they're supposed to do more efficiently, because we are of the.

Of the massaging our scalp or.

Well, it's going to go all through. They start with the feet, but it's basically helping the nervous system regulate itself better.

I love it. Okay.

Yeah.

Thank you, Low. Thanks, Sonia, for your question. Let us know how it goes. Have everyone just feeling inspired right now to, like, try something a little bit different. Bring your body online. Okay, Lo, before we get into all your things, I. I have five quickie questions I ask all of my guests. Okay, super quick. First thing comes to mind, we just one word.

Biggest turn on confidence.

Biggest turn off control. What makes good sex?

Presence.

Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Be yourself.

What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex?

It's really so personal. It's a personal journey.

Yeah. Yeah. Make it your own. Cool. Thank you. Lo, tell us where people can find you. They can also take one of your courses@alignedlifestudio.com they can sort of see what we're talking about because I want people to. To feel this and what I love. We're offering them a code. Use code EMILY. 30 for 30 off.

So the align Life Studio is sort of like when I worked with people hands on for so long, and I was like, I gotta get this to more people. I can only get my hands on so many people. I was like, I want to create a platform and a resource for people. So there's over 400 flows and practices in the Align Life Studio to help support a healing journey, to be able to step into your power and purpose. And a big part of my work is helping people awaken the power of their pelvic floor. So I think for your audience, yeah, that course is going to be really resonant for people to be able to move the energy come and start living in that part of their body again and to become more sensual and enjoy their. Their body and their life.

I love that. It's so specific too, that it's really just the pelvic floor course. How would it not impact your sensuality, your sex life, your orgasm?

Absolutely.

So it's the pelvic floor course. Okay. Coming on February. So they have to get on a wait list. Yep.

Cool. Wait list.

I'll do it. I got on it. I went there last night.

I want you to do it. You got to do it.

I'm on it. I'm in it. Okay.

Where else can people find you on Instagram? If you just type in low rocks, I'll pop up for low rocks bra. And where else? I'm on YouTube now a little bit, giving some stuff away and then, yeah, the studio is our main place, so.

Okay, well, we'll put this on the show notes so you can find lo. And thank you, Lo, for being here.

Thank you. What an honor. You're amazing.

That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to sex with Emily. And if you love the show. Please like subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all sexwithemily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email, so sign up@sexwithemily.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.

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