The Sex Talk You Never Had

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

That mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard.

Oh my.

The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play With.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. i don't know. I keep, like, singing it lately. Like, I want to say it differently, like, in an accent. I'm here with Jamie.

Sex with Emily.

Jamie.com. yeah, we could do a little, like.

I'll make a jingle about.

Will you make a jingle?

We'll make a jingle.

Let's jingle it. Because I just want to tell you guys that I love you and that there's a few things I want to get out of the way here. Is that you should. There's nothing you should do. I want to give you a should. It would be lovely if you subscribe to the podcast on our website or wherever you subscribe and however you listen on iTunes, Google Play, SoundCloud, Spotify, and follow us on social media, because we do it for you. We love it. I enjoy doing it, and I love responding to you all on Snapchat and Twitter and Instagram and all that stuff. Facebook.

What else, Jamie? Oh, newsletters. Good time. Shopping with Emily is a good time.

Every. Everything. If it's something with Emily, it's a good time, guaranteed.

That's true. I think. So we have a good time here, right, Jaime?

Oh, all the time.

Jamie is now working here full time.

Indeed.

Right. So. And you've been here how long, Jamie? People don't know. Let's refresh.

Okay, let's refresh.

Who are you? Jamie.

Let's go back on my Sex with Emily journey. Okay.

So who are you?

I started as an intern back in October of 2015, which is crazy to think is like, a year and a half ago now. I feel like I've been here forever, but also I've been here for, like, a month at the same time because it's just like the time. It's fresh, it's always fun, it's always new. Like, I feel great coming into work. Like, I feel happy. I feel like I'm still in the honeymoon phase. We are still in the honeymoon phase. I know.

I love that. Because it should be over by now.

I know, but. Well, we can spice it up before that happens.

No, we're doing well, I don't think we have to. Because you still love it. That's great. Well, I love having you here, and it's amazing. And thank you for. For joining me today because, you know, all this stuff, we can help people with their emails, their questions, talking about sex, and we've had a lot of interesting discussions here lately. We do every day.

Yeah.

I have to say, there's a lot of good stuff that's been coming up lately. But. What? Well, going back to your year and a half here, before we get into some of the more recent things, what would you say if you had to. Has changed the most about your sex life or your views around sex since you got here? Like, what. Where was Jamie a year and a half ago and where are you now?

Well, I.

And you're. How old. Did we talk about it? Your age?

Well, I'm 20. I'm 24. When I started here, I was. It was a little bit before my. I guess that would be. I'll be a little bit before my 23rd birthday. So. I was 22 when I started here. I, you know, I thought I was doing pretty well, like, in the sex game for myself. And then I realized I was not doing too well. I was doing all right. But, like, what do you mean? I never used lube before. It literally changed my life. It was just like, if someone.

How did it change? Or how did you. People are like, still. Maybe if they're listening, they don't really get it, how it changes you because.

Well, first of all, okay, for my thing, I don't, like, I don't naturally stay very wet all the time. Like, sometimes nobody does. Sometimes I'm good to go, but, you know, sometimes I'm not. And I'm okay with that. But at the same time, it can be a little, like, nerve wracking when there's nothing around to help you and you're just trying to put like a dry dig into a dry vagina. It's like, not. That doesn't even. Does that sound fun to anyone? No, it doesn't. And then I just. Honestly, I don't like it when a guy spits in his hand and he says that. It's just. To me, I'm like, so you're just like, what is this, a spit shine? Like, on my shoes? Like, I don't like. It just does it. And I'm like, okay. Like, yes. You guys like saliva during blow jobs and all that? Of course. But it's like, I'm not, like, I'm, like, spitting into my hand and, like, just rubbing them together and like, all right, I'm gonna give you a hand job now. Like, it's like, that's not. That's not attractive. It feels gross. There's like, like there's.

There's stuff. There's bacteria in the mouth.

Exactly.

And you can Transfer. And people think like, oh, no, I'm fine. My mouth. No, you're not.

No. And it literally makes you, like, kind of wet for one second, and then you just have to. It just doesn't work.

I thought of a guy doing that. I mean, I actually had that recently, and I was like, what? You don't know about the lube. Luckily, I had some on me. But you're right, it is a game changer.

It really is.

So now to lube pounds of Joe Lube, probably in your house.

No, exactly. All different kinds. Love the watermelon. H201. That one is so good. It's taste and smells amazing.

So good.

But that. That really was game changer. And then also, I just started honestly masturbating so much more because of this job. And, like.

Like, it's your job.

It kind of is. And because of that, I used to not be able to orgasm through penetrative sex, and now I can.

Okay, wait, that was since you started here, and what do you think that.

Because I just woe. I learned to, like, actually, like, ask for what I want. Like, be more verbal. Because before it was kind of like, I mean, I could. I always enjoyed sex. Like, I really liked sex a lot, but I'm also, like, I'm as much of, like, I like to give a lot. So as long as the other person is, like, really into it as, like, the more that a guy's into it and into me, the more I'm into it.

Right.

So. And then once I, like, started, like, really figuring out how my body works, and I was like, oh, my God. So wait, wait a second. This is also really hot for them too. Getting me off. Like, actually getting me off. So I was just like, this is great. And I just learned how, like, using the different toys, like, I learned how to, like, just orgasm quicker. So now I know how to move.

So when you're. Is it typically when you have an orgasm during penetrative sex, are you on top?

Yes, usually. But also.

Ooh, tell me.

Also, I found if I use, like, two pillows and really prop up myself during the missionary position, that I can orgasm that way too. And it feels really great.

That's amazing. It's the pillow trick. People don't realize your pillows are right there. And they. They are. It's such a great sex hack using pillows. Like, shove it under your butt. So many women do need that extra arch. We need that extra lift.

And it's comfy.

It's pillows. That's great. You learned. Were you so Happy the first time.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. That's great. There's a lot of women. It's not for every. Not every woman can, but I believe that if you put some work into is possible.

And I mean, I, like, I said, like, I thought before, like I had never experienced it before, and I thought, I'm like, it's just not going to happen for me. It's just oral sex or nothing, you know? And then I proved I proved myself wrong with nice tips from working here.

That's awesome. And Jamie's got a lot of great blogs in the site. You can check them out as well.

Yeah, definitely.

There's all your writing and all your hard.

A lot of great content, not just from me, but from, you know, all of our writers.

True.

There's great stuff and just literally just type in anything that you want to, like, you know, threesomes, polyamory, slingers, oral sex, dildos. Whatever you want, just type it in and there's gonna come up with, like, at least. At least 10, if not, like, more results.

12 years of stuff on the site of material for you to all have better sex.

Yeah. If your question, you feel like it never gets answered, you might just have to look a little bit harder.

Right.

It's there.

We try to get to all your questions.

We do.

We really do.

And today we get to most of them.

We do get them. Do you read some?

Yeah, that's right. I read them. I read them. So you can always give a shout out to me when you're writing them, if you'd like.

Yeah. Say hi, jj. Okay, let's get into a little bit of sex in the news here. Yes. Okay. Science, you know, we like science. Sometimes music turns you on in the same way as sex and drugs. So we know intuitively that sex, drugs, and rock and roll provides pleasure in most humans. But why? So there was a study that came out that said the same brain, chemical system that gives humans pleasurable feelings associated with sex and recreational drugs also relates to. To music, which I find that too. Like, sometimes you start having sex and like, oh, should I get up and get my phone and turn on? I have the whole speaker system in my house and I forget to do it. But I feel like it's the kind of thing with music that get in the habit of just even playing music when you get home from work the end of the day and you have music playing. It does lift your spirits. It lifts your mood. And then during sex, I feel like it kind of drowns if you have trouble focusing during sex, which a lot of us do, it kind of just. There's some kind of intimacy to music, to listening to music, to having that be the only thing that's going on. And with you and your partner and you're like, that's. I don't know. Blocks everything else out. It connects you.

Yeah, definitely. Like, there are certain songs that you hear, and just hearing it, you get a feeling throughout your body. It's like there's a certain rhythm that a certain song will have that you can, like, focus on. You're like, if you were having sex at this moment, it would probably be like, super power and, like, powerful and explosive. Like, it would be probably super awesome because you can focus on that rhythm, and maybe that rhythm could help you get to where you need to go.

That's true.

That's like, when you're saying, like, drowning out all the other distractions, like, it gives you that kind of repetitive thing, like, you know, so pick a long song. Find a sexy long song, right?

Or several. Make a playlist. Make a sex playlist. But don't call it sex playlist because, well, if you're dating. I used to get upset when I was dating. Guy was like, sex playlist. I'm like, did you think we were gonna have sex? I mean, I was younger. I was like, how many chicks? And I wanted. I wanted to not have sex with them. Because it was called sex Playlist, right? Cause it'd be like, it was actually really good. So now I wish I had it, right?

I'd be like, so do you have a sex playlist for each girl? Like, is this my personal sex with any.

I'm not special, right?

Or is this, like, sex with every Rhonda, Jan and Karen?

Exactly. That's what I found. Preliminary studies have shown that music listening and performing module levels of serotonin, epinephrine, dopamine, oxytocin, and prolactin. Music can reliably induce feelings of pleasure. And indeed, people consistently rank music as among the top 10 things in their lives bring pleasure, above money, food, and art. And so it would make sense that it can also be the thing that kind of helps your sex life. I totally agree with this. I love this. You know, I do. Sometimes I get home, I'm just like, I'm too tired to even get the music on. But it's so easy now with, like, a button. Just, like, listen to it on your phone.

Yeah.

So there's nothing in here about, like, well, you should listen to hip hop or rap. I think it's just music that you.

Yeah, it really depends on your mood. I mean, maybe you probably wouldn't want to listen to, like, folk songs or something, but, you know, if you're into that.

I like folk songs, but. No, that's what I'm saying. So I think that people also are worried they might be judged for just playing music. You could put on a mix. You could put on the whatever, like Spotify. When you put in a few artists that you like, it's so easy. And I think I'm gonna go home and have sex tonight. With music, it's really. I read that. I'm like, oh, I forget to do that, and I'm always happy.

I also feel like people tend to go straight to turning the TV on or the movie on so they have something to look at that's not each other before everything starts to get going. Sometimes when you're having sex with someone or about to have sex with someone, it can be a little awkward to initiate and actually start it sometimes. So I think watching the TV or a movie helps you kind of like, we're not focused on each other, but we are. And then eventually you stop watching the movie and you get into it. But then, like, with music, you have to, like, talk to each other first.

That's true.

So that could be. I don't know.

Yeah, do the music instead. I feel like. That's funny. I pictured you, like, on the couch with your. With a guy, and like, all of a sudden he goes closer to you, puts his hand. Or think of his hands on your boob. Like, should I touch her? And now we're going to make out. We all know what's going to happen. And you're dating right now?

Yes, I am.

Okay.

I am seeing someone. Just one person at the moment. It's not, like, super serious, but it's going well. I haven't had someone that I actually, I know, liked in a while, so this is good for him.

Good.

Good for me, I guess, too. But he's older, though, so it's. It's interesting. He's about 12 years older than me.

What have you found to be different with that? What are the challenges?

There are just. I guess sometimes there are certain things. Like, he'll be talking about his past. I'll be talking about when he was like, you know, just something randomly, like, oh, like I was in the eighth grade and this happened. I was like, oh, you were 14, and I was too.

Right.

It's just weird, you know, sometimes.

But culturally, is there anything.

I mean, there's maybe a few references. I mean, I like a lot of like older stuff than my generation because of my dad and stuff like that. So, like, I do get most of his references. But there are some references that I'm like, why?

At least you're honest about it. You're like, hey, I don't know what you're talking about. You probably teach him a lot stuff. A lot of things.

Yeah. But the thing that I thought was interesting is that. Tell me is that I kind of experienced this. I thought the sex was gonna be like way different. And it's like, it's good. We have good sex. It's just. It's not as different than, you know.

Having sex with a 22 year old.

Well, 28 maybe, maybe not 22, but like. Yeah. So it's just interesting, like because you.

Thought that he would maybe be bringing in more. Some more tricks.

Yeah, he would just. I just feel like he would like, have come across things like before. Like he's never used a sex toy during sex. One time we were having sex and I. We were drunk, so that's especially time when I need lube. So I brought out lube and he was like, he kind of reacted weird to it. Like, oh, no, don't grab that. And I was like, yes, grab that. I need that.

Right?

And so then the next day when we were like sobered up, I was like, hey, by the way, that's gonna be like a thing, so don't take it personally. I just, I like it. And he's just like, oh. I mean, I don't even. He's like, I think I was just drunk. I don't know. I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever.

No, I've had guys say that too. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Like. Cause there is still. Let's. Let's bring up the stigma. I haven't talked about it in a while because I feel like you are all on the lube train. But a lot of the attitude has been about lube is that there's a problem, we better bring out the lube from under the bed. And you know, it's back of the drawer or whatever because it means that she's not turned on and there's a problem. And that problem is that he's not turning you on. He thinks like, she's not wet because I didn't do something right. Or she's not aroused. That basically what it is. I think that you feel like there's a problem, someone's failing and doing something wrong by Bringing in lube. But the truth is, women can be very, very turned on and not wet or they can be really wet and not even turn on. And the thing about lube is it's not even like it's that kind of wetness. It's a different kind. And it mimics the natural.

It feels different.

It mimics your natural wetness. It does feel good. So that's. That's what I want to say about that lube. Thank you, Jamie. Okay, Jamie, stay with me. Stay with me, girl. We're going to answer some emails. Thank you, everybody for listening to the show, supporting our sponsors that help keep the show free. I love that you love them and I love you. Jamie loves you. I love you guys, everyone for listening. We'll be back to answer your questions.

Okay, we've got some questions. We're so glad that you guys have emailed us your questions. We love hearing from you. Jamie loves hearing from you. She goes through a lot of the questions.

I go through the emails and even the feedback, even if it's not a question. I mean, we love the questions. We want to help you. But if you have feedback on the show, we like that, like, send it in.

I love feedback on the show.

I read them if, you know, I send them to Emily. Unless it's like propositioning sex from her. Maybe if it's a funny one, I'll still send it to her. But, you know.

Right, right. No, it's. I do like to know people are like, what are your listeners like? Because I feel like. Here's the thing, James, you know, we do so many different kinds of shows. I was actually going to pose this, but just if you're new to the show, maybe you're just joining right now. Just know that we have a lot of different. We release two a week and typically I have, I have a co host, I think Menace or Anderson. Been doing some shows alone. What do you guys think about those? Also taking callers versus emails. We're kind of mixing that up as well. So I just like to hear specifically how people feel about things or if there's topics you want us to talk about.

Yes.

You know, I feel like we, you know, we cover a lot, but we're open. We love to hear from you. That's the point.

We do.

Okay, so if you want to send in your question, you can text me now. 7, 9, 7. Just text 7 9, 7, 9, 7, 9. Ask Emily. One word, not ask space Emily. That will not work. If you text ask Emily right back, you'll get A little form, and you're gonna fill it out, ask your question, send it in. It's so easy. You can also submit a question from the sexwithemily.com website on the Interweb via the Ask Emily tab. And what else do you want to say in here? Is the. Wasn't there another option you.

Voicemail.

Oh, voicemail. Right. But there's something else I was gonna say. But, yeah, voicemails. You guys leave us voicemails. 818-275-7931. As always, include your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Hello, Emily. Thank you for being you. I've had trouble asking women out. Even though there are women that I like and care about, they do not act like they're attracted to me. The reasons I've come up with as to why I don't ask a single one of them out is that I only know rejection from my offers of relationships. Because of this, I take responsibility for these rejections, and I've dedicated myself to being the most attractive man I can be. I've made great progress in my efforts, and I don't want to mess myself up by facing another rejection. If I get rejected, what's the best way to cope with the rejection? There's a lot of rejection here. And move on. I'm trying to avoid having the rejection haunt me and force me to continuously ask myself, what's wrong with me? Thank you. Chuck. 25, Los Angeles. Chuck, we rejected. Just tell me. Okay, Chuck, here's the thing. The more that we even talk about, you're thinking of yourself as a man who gets rejected. You got rejected once, it sounds like a few times, maybe, like most men on the planet and women. And you're letting it plague you. It's like taking over your life because you just said rejection 15 times. Every time you write the word rejected, you are reinforcing that feeling. That. And you're putting that into the universe. You know, say what you will about all that stuff. The. And I believe in that. What you put out, you get back. So, Chuck, we got to change this whole, like, women are going to you. It sounds like you went through a really bad breakup or a few of them. Right. And that you can't get past it. And rejection is going to happen in life, but I feel like you have so much fear around it that you're not even letting yourself move forward and date.

Yeah. The thing is, the human mind is really complex, and it's really interesting because you do have a way of Willing things to happen. So the more you focus on this rejection or possible rejection from asking people out, the more likely it's going to happen, because it's going to make you not confident when you're asking out these women. So you say that you've been working on your attractiveness, but attraction only goes so far. You know, what's actually more attractive than your physical appearance is the confidence that you bring to the table. You got to relax. Rejection is going to happen, and it's not the end of the world.

Not going to die.

Not everyone. Not everyone's going to want to go out with you. That's just life. That's how things are.

Right.

You know, women get rejected, too. Women go through the same things. It's just you have to make know that if a rejection happens, not the end of the world, you're going to get over it. It gets easier every time.

Exactly.

And if you're confident in yourself, you know, women are going to see that and they're going to be like, oh, this guy's actually confident. It seems like even if I did reject him, it wouldn't faze him. And that's going to intrigue them. So then they might not reject you.

Right. I mean, he's just. Here's the thing you're saying here, Chuck, if I get rejected, what's the best way to cope with it and move on? I'm trying to avoid having the rejection haunt me and force me to continuously ask myself, what's wrong with me? Okay, there. You have a choice. Check. You can replace that. Like, dating is easy. I'm going to ask women out. They're going to like me. I am a confident, happy male. Like, you have a negative loop in your head. I can just hear it, and it's going and it's going, and it's really stopping you because you've worked on yourself. You said there are women you think that want to go out with you, but yet this unbearable, you know, curse of rejection. And you're asking me, what do I do to not make it so hard? You just feel it. You accept it. And then that happens. Someone doesn't call you back, they don't ask you out, and you realize that you're still standing there on your feet, nothing's wrong, and you can just ask someone else out. And here's the thing. People reject people all the time, and it has nothing to do with you. Okay, let's say it was something that you did wrong. Let's say they're like, you know what? I really didn't like it because I don't agree with the fact that he works in finance because guys who work in finance are boring. Let's just say that I used to think that, like, you're just about money. I'm telling you, I was like a finance guy. But here's the thing. She's doing you a favor. Let's take worst case here. She's doing you a favor because you're not gonna give up your job. You love being a financial guy. And you guys, I'm just saying I don't wanna get a million emails. I love everybody in all professions. I'm saying when I was younger. So I'm just saying that it doesn't even. So, like, if you're right, your biggest fear is like, she. I didn't pick her. I was late on the date, or I was. Didn't like what I was wearing. You were being you, Chuck. So let's say she rejected you because of who you are. She did you a favor, and you get to move on and find somebody who authentically likes you for who you are. How you deal with it is you just keep asking people out, putting yourself out there, and really, it gets easier, too. You're gonna realize, like, oh, yeah, she didn't call me back onto the next. That's how it's going to feel.

And Also, you're in LA and you're 25. There are so many people in your age group in this area. It's a numbers game. Just keep asking.

Yeah, keep swiping them out. Right, Exactly. It's. It's a fear. Fear is what's holding you back, and you're in control of that. Hi, Emily. My question is about a not so sexy topic. Periods. Ugh. I'm married and my partner and I have been listening to your podcast. I've been really embracing our sexual relationship and taking it to a whole new level. Thank you for your podcast. It's really been helpful for me to find my inner goddess and prioritize sex. My husband and I have always used toys and have been exploring new exciting ways to spice things up in the bedroom. The problem is, whenever I get my period, it comes to a halting stop. And what's worse is I am, for some reason, super horny around that time. I'm on birth control, so I'm wondering if that could be connected to hormone changes or is this something most women experience? My horniness is so intense, more than usual for me, that I can get a clitoral orgasm from rubbing up against his leg with panties on. It's awesome. My husband, who is always encouraging us to try new things, seems uninterested in sex during this time. And I'm thinking this is just one thing he doesn't feel comfortable with. Any advice on how to have sex without totally grossing him out. Thanks in advance. Emily, 24, North Dakota. Emily, this is a great question, because a lot of women get horny during their period. You get those extra hormones release, and it's women all the time. I hear this. They're like, I've never been that person. I wish. I don't get particularly horny.

I am.

Really? During your period?

Okay. I get really horny the day, nay, probably the couple hours before it actually starts. And then, like, it'll start, and I'll be like, oh, that's why I masturbated for so long. But, no, I think it's just. It's just, you know, it's one of those things. It's kind of like, oh, like all this blood is coming out of you, but I'm gonna make you sorority at the same time. Ha ha, ha ha.

Make you a what?

At the same time, Horny at the same time.

Yeah, I know. It's, like, great. The one time a month that I can't do anything. But.

But maybe, just maybe, because you say here that you think.

Think. Yep.

So maybe, though, what it is, is that he just assumes that you don't want to have sex when you're on your period, or maybe that you. He doesn't really know how to go about it. He doesn't know what your flow is. Like, what's really happening down there. Maybe just try asking him. Would you be down for this?

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Ask him. Because I feel like that's exactly. Jamie, when I read this, I go, oh, I think when you guys are making assumptions about your partners, which a lot of us do, and most of the time, what we're thinking is not correct. But I think that a lot of the things. Let's just say this. Of all the things we worry about, and we spend a lot of time obsessing about our partners. When we do a story check. Hey, babe, I was thinking that you didn't want period sex with me when I'm up here. What do you think? You could just check in with your partner. But I think a lot of times what we think is wrong. I got that same sense, too. I mean, Emily, you guys are married. They're gonna be together for a long time. If this is when you're horny If I were your husband, I'd be like, bring it. So I think, just like Jamie said, he thinks that you don't want it, and so I think it's great to take a shower together. Maybe if you're feeling like, oh, I don't want to be all bloody, you might not want him to go down on you. I know some guys are like, yeah, day two of the period, not the first day, but they're like, I'll go down. So it's up to him. But sex. You throw a towel down and you have sex. I feel like guys are pretty cool with it.

Most guys are cool with it. And it's like a natural lubricant. It really is that. See? Okay. That's different than saliva. There's a lot more of it, and it's already in there.

Exactly.

So, you know, you're pretty much good to go.

Yeah. I really think that this is your own thing. And if you maybe take a shower, just throw the towel down, you're fine. I think most. Then you guys both jump in the shower after.

Yeah.

Oh, and clean off with sex in the shower, which is. We're getting the sports sheets. There's the coolest product line. Sports sheets, you guys. You know, I love them. They do all the bondage gear. They have a line called Sex in the Shower. And it is. Oh, my God, Jamie, you've seen it. If you want to kink things up in the shower, it has, like, suction handholds that you put on the wall. And you can, like, you know. Yeah. You can hold on to them. You could use them. You can do restraints. They have a vibrating, like, loofah sponge, has a little vibrator in it. Anyway, have sex in the shower. That's what I think you should do here. Yeah. Emily, have some sex in the shower. Have sex during your period. Talk to your husband about it.

And if he's really grossed out and you really want to have sex, I mean, just use a condom, like, whatever.

But he'd still get the blood on the condom, but. True.

On his skin.

But he might not want it right inside of him.

Like, okay.

As soon as he gets up on their stomach, you know, blood's on the condom.

Oh, no. It's like, what, are you gonna wash it and use it again? You're not gonna do that.

I think it's something that guys. Okay, this is me. I really think that it's something that men get over. Maybe when they're younger, when they first see it, they're like, oh, my God, like something died. And then they're like, oh, it's part of sex. Sex is messy. Sex is loud. Sex can be a lot of things, but it sucks. So I feel like, get on board.

I've never had a guy have a problem with it.

Good for you.

So, I mean, I'm not saying that. Aren't guys out there that do, like, not every guy's gonna be down, but most guys are pretty cool about it.

I hope so. Okay. Hi, Emily. For the past few years, I've been meeting guys online and on apps for quickies and late night drive bys. I always play safe and not only get a sexually satisfying encounter, but I get the thrill of meeting a stranger. Oftentimes not even knowing their real name is just as exciting and fulfilling as the actual act. What I realize is that I tend to pick up this habit more frequently when I'm depressed or going through challenges in my life. I'm not sure if I'm doing this subconsciously to get instant gratification and. Or to distract myself. It's a pattern I've noticed. I'm not sure if this is an outlet I've created for myself or if I'm really just horny. Any advice? Jason, 28, Florida. Oh, Jason. This is a good one. I think a lot of men and women can kind of relate to this feeling of, like, you know, just wanting to meet up with as many people as possible and have sex with them and just kind of to fill our egos and to make us feel accepted. And then after we do it, we have this empty feeling that, you know, this hole that can never be filled because you're saying that you get more depressed. So to me, I would think that it's just not really serving you right now. You tend to do it when you're going. When you're going through a challenge in your life and you're depressed. So that's something that you're probably doing to numb whatever feelings, whatever fear is coming up for you with what's happening in your life. And I just think that, you know, there's nothing wrong with going out and having lots of sex, but if you know that it's to kind of numb these things, which you just brought up to me, which is really self. Aware. Jason. I would say maybe it's time to slow it down then. Especially if you regret, if it makes you feel worse.

Yeah, I mean, that's. That's really what it is. It's about checking in with yourself. And if you're noticing this pattern and like, it's not really fulfilling you long term. Like, yes, it's a thrill and it's great for them, but it wears off super quickly afterwards and you're noticing it's only during these times. And maybe it is just like your, your vice that you've got that you know you need to fix, but at the same time, like, if you're having all these encounters and you feel great and you don't feel bad after them, you're just kind of thinking it, like, oh, is it just wrong that I'm having all of this mindless sex with strangers then? I mean, maybe it's okay. Just, you really. You just have to check in with yourself each time.

Yeah. And it's. It's okay too, sometimes. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but yeah, it's like when it doesn't feel good. And this is for women too, when it doesn't serve you anymore and you feel like it's just making you feel worse and making you feel better, that's when you stop. But you constantly, with casual sex, have to really just keep checking in with you. And I've done that. I used to feel like I needed a lot of. I wasn't so much having sex.

With men, not that I haven't had random sex, let's be honest. But I would find that I just. It was really just the validation, just knowing someone liked me or asking me out or I'd be flirting even when I was in a relationship. But then you realize it's this hole that will never be filled by other people because it's really about loving yourself, which is a tall order. But it's a lifelong process and it's the most important work you can do is figuring out, like, what part of you isn't feeling whole. And work on that so you become more confident and more self assured. And you'll find that maybe you don't want to keep, or maybe you'll be like, you know what? I love myself. I'm awesome, and I'm choosing to sleep without these women. And it feels good. I hope you get to that place, Jason, where you just are comfortable with what you're doing. Yeah, no judgment. Take care of you. Another email. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. I found out about it a few months ago and it's been great to listen to while I'm in my postpartum recovery and my libido is lower. Listening to a sex podcast helps put. Put sex on the brain and get me in the mood. I love it. I've been married for almost five years, and my husband and I have a fun, healthy sex life. I always hear women rave about how amazing girl in top positions are. We like to try new positions to keep things fresh, but I've never found a girl on top position that I like. And we've tried a lot of them. He's the only man I've ever been with, so I'm guessing it's an angle thing. When he's standing up and is erect, his penis is pointed towards his body. This makes any position where he's on top or behind me amazing, but it's uncomfortable when I'm on top. Reverse cowgirl is particularly bad. I have a killer body and I like to showcase it by being the one on top. Any tips or suggestions how to make girl on top more enjoyable? Thanks, Jillian, Pennsylvania. You go, girl with your killer body. How often do you hear women say, I have a killer body?

I know. Can we. Can we just say, like, congrats to you for being comfortable in your own skin. Because that is, like, hard to come by nowadays. And it's amazing because you should feel comfortable in your own skin. And I'm sure it is banging.

That is what it's about, though, for sex. Like, everyone's like, oh, but I don't feel comfortable. I don't have a banging body. So it's really about how you. How comfortable you are and how you just rock sex like you rock. How to rock. Woman on Top is actually a blog we have on our website, but this is what I'm thinking, Jillian. I think it's been a show title too. Jillian. I'm thinking, first of all, a lot of men's penises stick straight up when they're erect.

Yeah.

I mean, straight up or a little out. She's seen one penis.

Yeah. So you.

So if it's like straight up and, like, flush to his stomach, maybe a little more. So, I mean, again, penises are all different sizes, shapes, and stick out. They have. Some are curvy, some are really straight. But I think the best thing for you, a woman on top, is to first, when you're on top, lie down on his chest so you're chest to chest, and then you kind of slide down onto it, and then you, like, do a grinding motion. That's like a back and forth. I think a lot of women think that woman on top, that she should be, like, up and down bouncing like you see in porn. And that's kind of fun. Can be fun to mix it up, but it sounds like, with his penis and the way it is, I think mostly for women, it's about the back and forth grinding anyway. So I think if you, like, are wrapping your arms around him when you're lying chest to chest flat on him, and you're grinding up and down or around, like the cat position, like, kind of like a up and down or a back or a circular, that this will feel a lot better to you.

No, definitely. I think that. Well, it sounds like that when you're in your other positions that his penis seems to hit your spots, which means that when you're grinding, really what is happening is, like, you're not pumping in and out. So, like, it's just rubbing up against that spot constantly. So it actually, instead of, like, it's gonna feel a lot better to you, and it's gonna also feel amazing to him because he's gonna be like, whoa, like, what? What are you doing? That's amazing. Also, you said that reverse cowgirl is particularly bad. Same thing that Emily was saying. When you're chest to chest in regular cowgirl possession, just lay all the way back and have him even thrust from the bottom, you know, I mean.

Yeah, lay back on, like, Exactly. So I was saying your chest to chest, you're like. You're literally laying on top of his chest, laying back. Your back is on his chest.

Yeah. And it feels great. Also, what I like, in reverse cowgirl position, if you're having trouble, like, feeling something really good, have him pull your arms or your hair back, because it locks you into more of a, like, obtuse angle.

When you're in cowgirl. Reverse.

When you're in reverse cowgirl. And that could also. First of all, it's hot to have that kind of restriction.

Just pull your hair. Yeah.

And then also. Yeah, it'll help you keep it a good angle as well. When you're having sex, if you want to be, you know, rocking. Rocking the top.

I'm trying to think about positioning straps too. Like the G spot link. I mean, I know that's not for woman on top. I'm just thinking about positioning straps because I just like the G spot link by sports sheets. I don't know. I just. That wouldn't really do it. I'm just thinking about targeting the G spot. We haven't talked about that in a while. They are great. But that's. Yeah, that's your woman. That's my. That's my tips for you. I feel like, really, if it's his penis, you gotta just do that. And then you could even flip around when you're doing it. Woman on top. And then just do the reverse cowgirl from the laying down position. But you're like, like you turn around to the front. All really good advice there. And also be sure to do your Kegels as well because I'm sure you're postpartum right now. I'm just reminding you how important it is to do your kegel exercises.

Yes.

Can't even tell you how. It's like it's everything. And you can start to pump them against his penis when he's inside of you. Do you ever do that?

Oh, yeah, all the time. First of all, it feels really great to them because like, not every girl does that or every woman has done that. I don't know. You say that he's the only person that you've ever been with. I don't know. You're the only person he's ever been with. So he might not even know what that feels like. He'll be like, oh my God, that's crazy.

Tense and relax.

It's like it. You know, they can feel that when you do that. And then also depending on how strong your Kegels are, it kind of just help you stay on a little bit better. It really does stay on.

And when you do that pumping of those muscles, it also can enhance orgasm. Yeah. Because bringing on the orgasm.

When you orgasm, if you realize you are. You do contract.

Exactly. Those muscles contract anyway. I love it. Congratulations on your baby, Jillian. And keep rocking it on top. Thank you for emailing us.

Yeah.

Okay. James, this is fun.

I know.

Thank you for being here with me. I've had a really good time.

I always have a great time.

I know. It's been awesome and I'm glad that you. We just got some new toys in, you know that we are obsessed with the womanizer. And we just got the coolest the to go.

The lipstick.

It looks like a lipstick. And Jamie came in, she's like, I haven't left the house in six days.

Like, I mean like, basically like I tried it and I was like, I'm never going to leave my room again. I'm just gonna quit all my jobs. I'm gonna quit all my activities. I'm not gonna have any more friends and I'm just gonna masturbate with this until I die.

How is it different? Cause you know the womanizer people, if you don't know, it's like the clit whisper is what I call it. It's the pleasure air technology. It's like Sucking on your clitoris lightly, like, how you want it.

I think the reason that I like the lipstick, it looks like lipstick because.

You take off a lid and you're like, oh, the lips. Is that.

Yeah, it literally looks like a giant lipstick. It's because the silicone head is a little deeper, so it's able. You're. I feel like you're more able to feel the kind of, like, pleasure air suction. And then also, I've noticed. And maybe, like, I don't know. Like, I don't know if I'm imagining this, but I'm pretty sure this is happening when it's happening. But the. The. Because they added a little bit of vibration, and it kind of adjusts. Like, it'll get a little bit stronger for a second and it'll go down.

Oh, is that one of the settings I could. I only use it on one setting.

Yeah, I mean, I. I use it, like, I'll range through settings, like, during. And I just. I don't know if it's just me imagining it, but I feel like that's what's happening. I hear it in the sound when I get to the higher levels, that it's like, just randomly, it feels like it's stronger for a second, and then it pulls back, and I think that's the other one. Doesn't do that. So, I mean, I don't know. It's just.

It wasn't happy. I like when toys come in and we all love them. And you're happy.

Yeah.

That's good.

I loved it.

Thank you for sharing that. Okay, James, anything else? Signing off.

I think that's it. I'm just happy.

I'm happy, too. Thank you for being here with me. Great day. This is a fun show. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being amazing, part of my team. And thank you to Ken and to Lark and to Michael and. Oh, and everybody. Thank you for following me. On Instagram. I talk about this. Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram. It's all sex with Emily. Shop with Emily on our website. Just stay in touch. You guys, stay in touch. We love hearing from you. We got fun stuff. We do, we do, we do. So thanks for being in touch. Thanks for listening. Listening. Was it good for you? Email me via the Ask emily tab on sexwithemily.com.

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