Three Guys Talk Sex

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man e here, he just.

Got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's got to have her standards. Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of.

Girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sex with emily.com where you can check out our podcast. You can set up for our mailing list. You can check out our blogs. You guys, we're always posting new blogs and videos and things to help you have better sex and relationships. And of course, follow me on social media because I love hearing from you. It's all Sex with Emily across the board. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, all that fun stuff. And if you're new to the podcast We World, we're now available on iHeartRadio app, which is awesome. And we're on Spotify and Google play and soundcloud and itunes and everywhere you find podcasts. And so thank you to all my new listeners. I know there's a lot of you. So welcome. Welcome to the Sex with Emily family. And also another announcement. You guys, you're gonna be happy to know that my iPhone app, Kegel camp, is now back in the store. I know, I know. It was really stressful there for a few months. I feel you. We had to take it down to update it, but now it's like brand spanking new. So thanks, everyone for emailing and for downloading it, checking it out. Okay, I'm thrilled. This is the first actually on this, actually, I'm gonna show. I'm actually a little nervous. Not really nervous. Well, a little bit. No. You guys, this is a whole new jam. Okay? So we did a show a few weeks ago. We had three women in the studio, and I've done a few of these. I've had, like, women. Female roundtables that come out. I think it's called. We called it Real women talk Sex. So that was a great show. You guys. Loved it. And we just had a bunch of women sitting around who I just met, and we talked a lot about sex and relationships and dating. The purpose of that show was so we could all kind of get inside the minds of what women want, what they like in the bedroom, what they're into. We got into it and it was a really fun show. A lot of surprises in that one. And so I thought, you know what? I got some dudes in here. I gotta get some guys in here. I want to hear what men are thinking. We all want to know what's really in the minds of men, don't we? So I rounded up some guys. They all have beards. It was not on purpose. I don't know that I did not know them before today. They're sweethearts and they're ready to talk. I mean, they seem sweet. I'm really excited that they're here. Welcome to the show, guys. I'd love you. I have a first question just to bring you in to the show here. Tell me your name, your age, your relationship status, and about the last time you had sex. Who wants to start?

I'm the youngest, so I'll go ahead and start. My name is Gavin. I'm 26. I am single. The last time I had sex was two weeks ago.

Okay. And can you tell me about it?

Sure. So I had gone out on a Sunday day date with a girl that I had been kind of going back and forth with. We used to work together and we'd just been starting to hang out a little more friendly level since she's not working at the company anymore and we went to a couple of bars, we ended up getting trashed. I went back to her place and it was just an awesome evening of drunken hookup and just got pretty sloppy, which can be fun. But yeah, I.

Have you talked to her since?

I have talked to her since, yeah.

This isn't even this like a rapid fire girl. I have so many questions for you. Okay, wait, no, but I'm not going to get into them now, but quickly. Have you. Will you see her again?

I hope so. Definitely.

Yeah. Okay, good. That's a great one to start.

Okay.

Yeah.

No judgment. Not that it was great. If you didn't. If yours wasn't great, that's okay.

No, mine was good.

Okay, good.

Yeah. But my Name's Chad. I'm 33. The last time was probably about two or three weeks ago on a date with a girl that I had been frequently seeing. We hung out in the area that I live in and went to a few bars, went to dinner and everything and then just kind of went back to my place. It's the first time she'd ever been to my apartment.

Okay.

It was pretty standard stuff. Just kind of, you know, after date, making out session and then tax. Yeah, just went into that. And then it was, hey, we both have to work tomorrow morning, so. So she. She left. The last time we had had sex before that, she kind of freaked out about me staying the night over at her place, which I had permission to do. But she woke up the next morning, was like, oh, no. I don't know.

She was.

Maybe I'm a snorer, I don't know. But no, she was like, this is moving too fast. I don't. And I was Like, I just want.

To bang you, but I don't want you to sleep over. Yeah. Which I don't have an extra toothbrush.

Yeah, Right. I'm down with.

Okay. Interesting.

Yeah. She was like, man, I'm so tired. I don't want to go home. I was like, you can stay here if you want. And she was like, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, she has two sleepovers. Okay.

That was kind of her thing. So that was fine with me. So she got a.

You're going to see her again?

Yeah, yeah. We. We're supposed to see each other within this next week.

Okay, got it. All right.

My name is Hartwick. I'm 29. The last time I had sex was, I don't know, Thursday or. Okay, so what day is it?

So, like. Yeah, like, less than a week ago.

No, I don't know.

Doesn't matter. A couple days ago. A week ago. Okay. Nice.

Yeah.

How old did you say you were?

29.

29. Okay.

Almost 30.

Okay.

It was fantastic. It was this girl that I had met at a party, like, months ago and didn't go anywhere or whatever. And then I just kind of, like, bugged her. Cause I thought she was cool. And we went and got a beer, like, a couple weeks ago. And then, like, she, for lack of a better term, like, just completely rocked my world that night. And then so we met up a couple more times, and the most recent time was with her again on Thursday.

Wait, wait.

But I thought maybe it was new. It might have been on the weekend. It might have been Monday. I can't remember.

No. Right. Okay.

I'm about to move, so my life's real weird right now, so I can't remember and.

Really fucking good.

Yeah, it's kind of great.

Oh, my God. Okay. Hartwick.

Yes.

How did she rock your world?

Sometimes you just meet someone where your bodies kind of work together.

Our bodies just fit.

Yeah. As corny as that sounds.

No, it's not.

I say that there's no thought, and it's just good. A whole ton of orgasms on both sides with minimal. Like, work is the wrong word. It was just kind of. Yeah. Yeah, it was like. It was just cool.

Okay.

I don't know how else to put it.

So when you said that you kind of bothered her. Like, you met her at a party a few weeks ago, you thought she was hot, and then you're like, yeah.

We had a good conversation. My life was kind of chaotic at the time, so I was like, I'm not gonna make this even more chaotic. And then things calmed down, so I kind of hit her up and was just like, hey, you were really cool. You want to, like, go hang out? Like, with no ulterior motives, I swear. Like, was literally just like.

But let's honest. Don't we all go out?

I just mean I was like, this girl's real cool. I'd like to, like, see what she's up to. Like, her work is real rad and everything. So I was like, I wonder what she's doing.

Okay.

And then we ended up at her house.

Got it. Cool. You know, did orgasm. And you're certain they were orgasms?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Did you go down on her?

Yes.

You did? Of course. Of course. See, I wish every man felt that way. So I'm wondering, was oral sex involved in your escapades? Gavin?

It was not. No. We just got straight to business, which is a little rare for me because I usually do, like, some good foreplay like that. There was a shower scene involved.

Oh. Oh, my God. I'm a huge fan of shower sex, which I liked. Really? Before, After.

Yeah. Because it was. It's been pretty hot recently, and there's no air conditioning in her apartment. When I get to work, I get pretty sweaty. So I just. For the sake of her apartment and my smell.

Okay.

Just where we ended up and turned out to be pretty great.

Okay. So when you said that oral sex is usually involved, did she go down on you?

She did not.

No. Okay. Do you like performing oral sex?

I do. Yeah. I don't mind it at all. I like it. I think it. It's a good way to transition into things, and especially in the progression of the hookup in general. It's a good way to just kind of set the mood, especially to get the girl going. And I don't know. It's just something I enjoy enjoying.

You do? Okay. Just because some guys are, like. Think they like it, but they're not sure. Like, they're not sure if she's into. I don't know. There's oral sex as a whole. I could do an entire show on you guys going down. How about. How about you, Chad?

Yeah, there was. There was some on. On her end. Not on mine. Not that I would objected to it, but, you know, that's just how it went.

So you went down on her.

No.

Oh, sure. On your end.

Yeah.

Okay. So she went down on you, and you would have gone down on her, but she said no or just kind of escalated to sex.

You're like, hey, I escalated sex.

At that point.

Okay.

It just. Kind of. The two experiences that I had with her just kind of went from straight to kissing. Straight from her performing oral sex on me, straight to sex. It was. There was no, like, conversation or lag time in between.

Okay. Have you ever got a bad blowjob? Or is it like pizza? Like, no such thing as bad pizza. Like, what's a bad blowjob?

High school.

Right. Okay. But forget high school.

Yeah, I've definitely got, like, in recent years.

What's a bad blowjob? Can you just explain?

Maybe I've been lucky, but I have.

I. I can talk at great length about this.

Because I've had a handful of them, unfortunately. I can probably safely say that the bad ones usually involve too much teeth.

Teeth is, like, the number one thing I tell people. Like, no teeth.

I learned that in high school. Well, I wish you had spoken.

You're into teeth. See, that's the thing.

It's the kind of thing.

You bring it in after. You know the basics, and then you can nibble. Bring the teeth in, but you don't start with the teeth.

Exactly. And that's.

You gotta put your. Yeah, your. Your lip over your teeth, too.

Too much teeth is the key word there. It's too much. It's. And it becomes. It becomes, like, scraping. I would say that probably the worst one that I've ever had. A girl had a tongue ring that she decided to stick the part of her tongue ring into the head of. Or the.

Ow.

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah.

Into the whole. Into your body.

Exactly.

And this is several years ago, but she and I had hooked up several times, and I finally had to ask her to stop doing that. And she was like. She was like, but you're squirming. And I'm like, no. Yeah, that's the pain. Yeah. I was like, it's so hard, though. Cause you don't feel it.

Right, right. So hard to tell. Bad blowjojo, Gavin.

It's gotta be the right area that needs to be stimulated. The right motion as well, as opposed to just sucking on it. But, yeah, teeth obviously can hurt.

What else besides teeth? I'm just thinking. It's like. I feel like maybe if she thought blowjob, she took it literally and she blew.

Right.

You know? But I'm like, it's always a teeth.

It's like high school.

I feel like I need to do a public service announcement or something. I feel like. Thought people knew this already.

Right. Well, I mean, like, recycling. In my mind. The bad ones are the ones that Hurt. That's it. Like, if it doesn't hurt, I can. I can sit back and enjoy myself, no problem. But if you're hurting me, that's when it becomes bad.

Got it, guys. That's really. Thank you, Illuminate. I've always wanted, like, I've literally always wanted to know. And I guess that the follow up to that. We'll get to this later. It's like, what is bad sex? But what's your preferred way to meet women? Are you on the apps?

I. I'm on everything.

Okay.

I'm on every. Every one of the apps. You know, I go out a lot.

Okay.

All of it drunkenly at bars or just to get introduced through mutual friends.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't know that. Just chaos of.

You don't have a phone, right?

I have a phone, but I don't have any of the apps or anything like that.

Okay, so just like proximity out in the real world. Okay, so you guys, right now you're all dating, it sounds like, casually. You're not in, like a serious relationship. What's going on with casual sex these days? Like, do you. You're all engaging casual sex. So.

Yes.

Do you feel like you're moving to when you're having sex? You're like, oh, God, like, are you looking at these women going, maybe she could be my wife. I could have baby with the child. He's like, oh, I'm just kind of dating around. Like, what. What is going on with you guys? I need to understand personally.

Like, I just got out of a really long thing, so. No, not at all. And. And not in a negative way. I'm not like, oh, God, I want to get away from this person as soon as we stop having sex, but it's just like, not really on my mind.

Okay, well, you're moving. You're in transition.

And generally the people I'm sleeping with, I can tell they're kind of in the same place. But how can you tell?

How can you just assume?

We've probably talked about it.

Okay, you talked about it.

Yeah, I'm pretty old. Look, I'm about to move. I got out of a long thing. I'm not trying.

Like, what about you guys? Chad, Gavin, when you're dating right now? Like, I know about your last sexual experiences because we're all that close, but do you have a rotation going on? Is there. Are you looking for.

I don't have a rotation. Yeah, I mean, I'll usually date. If I find someone that I'm interested in continuously dating, then I'll just kind of stick with that. I try my best not to have any conversation about it. Like, you know, oh, are we exclusive or anything like that?

Never. Or just.

No, because, I mean, I don't care if they date other people. I'm so busy with work and projects and stuff like that. I don't think I could juggle, like, more. More than just one person.

This woman you slept with the other. Less. So you wouldn't date anyone else right now?

I'm not actively looking to date it.

Because she kind of. Not because you wouldn't if you met someone, but you're kind of like, that sound like, got it. And for you, you feel like juggling a lot of women would be kind of.

I think that would. Yeah. I think that sounds incredibly stressful. You know, more power to you if you guys do it.

But, you know, Gavin, that's a good question. I mean, I try to keep a rotation of three to four hookups that I can go to, either just to go out on dates with, have fun with, you know, not necessarily have the commitment of being in an exclusive relationship, but having the freedom of, you know, keeping it casual, which can be a tricky thing to navigate because there are times where things can be said. Heat of the moment that may not necessarily be totally meant, but, like, come inside me.

I want your child.

But exactly.

Hey, when that happens, yeah, it happens.

To the best of us, so. But your intention could be to get a certain response that you want, but it may not necessarily be.

Well, give. Come on, pull words around it. Gavin, what do you mean?

What I mean is, like, she was.

Like, I love you, and you're like.

And I'm gonna say, I love you, too. And. But that's what.

Okay, yeah, got it. So right now you've got three or four women rotation. How do you decide on a given night? Like, let's say you leave here, who are you gonna call? Who you text? Is it someone? Do you. How do you sort that out? You're like, well, I just saw her yesterday. But number. You know, the other one I haven't seen. How do you rotate?

There's a lot of factors that go into it. I think mainly it's just kind of what's gonna be most convenient. There are preferences that I have in terms of who I like.

Tell me.

So just break it down. So the more recent hookup that I've had has definitely been something a little more exciting for me because it's a girl that I used to work with and I had a crush on, and Then when we worked together, I always wanted to maintain a level of professionalism and not necessarily be the guy that's going to go and hit on every girl that I work with or at least come off that way.

But then.

Because you secretly are. Well.

And.

Not true. When we.

I'm not your boss.

You know, when she left the company, it kind of opened the door for this, you know, to be able to hang out with her on a more friendlier, casual basis with that. It was. There's, like, a level of excitement to it and that. It was like this thing that was almost forbidden. Yeah, exactly.

Because you had that sexual tension building. Like, that's the. Don't you think sometimes it's the best part, Almost can be better than the sex sometimes?

Well, yeah. And then, agree with me, there's.

There was.

Okay. Not better, but it builds up sometimes.

Different, but it can be better.

It can be better than sex.

Second place.

It can be better sometimes, but that's. Hopefully it's not. Sometimes it is. You're like, oh, that was the best part. And you caught them. But maybe not that aggressively.

I mean, just looking back, like, there were. There were times where she would ask me, like, hey, can you help me move this box over into this closet over here? And so I'd go in there, and then we'd be, like, in the closet there at work together. And, like, the only thing running through my mind is like, all right, just make a move on her. Like, let's fuck in this closet right now. Like, that would be awesome. But then I'd just be like, oh, well, like, that might cause problems. I'm at work right now.

Okay, but now you are sleeping with her?

Yeah, we hooked up. Yeah.

Okay. And how is it?

It was great. Yeah. I was really stoked because it was kind of like this long buildup of.

But now, though, there's still three other women. There's four total. Does she know about the other women?

No.

And then they don't bring it up because, Chad, you were saying that you don't ever have that talk, the exclusive conversation.

Right, Right. Yeah. His whole situation's stressing me out right now.

Right.

But do they bring it up to you? What if. Are you sleeping with anyone else? Would you tell. Would you tell the truth, Gavin?

Yes. I want to be honest. I would want to be honest. I absolutely would be honest.

Honesty.

I think that I am pretty open to how I approach things, and I also think that with my intentions and just how I communicate, I'm not acting in a way that I want to have an exclusive relationship with any particular woman that I'm seeing or that I'm with. So.

Okay. Can I ask you something about that? So when you said you're not acting in a particular way, would you say, like, even if you had amazing sex with ex or girl and you actually wanted to see the next night, you're like, that's gonna send the wrong message. If I ask her out, if I slept with her on a Wednesday, if I ask her out on Friday, that's gonna be too close together. And I have someone else in a rotation. Don't answer. Okay, we're gonna take a break. When we come back, we have to find out, how many chicks are you banging. Everyone, thank you for supporting our sponsors, keeping the show free, and I love you all.

Harwick, tell me who you sleeping with? How many? What's going on?

It's so hard to answer right now because I'm. I know you're moving, about to move.

You're leaving. I get it. But prior to the move, in the last month.

Two. No, three.

Okay, three.

Yeah.

And casual.

Yeah, yeah. Very much so. Yeah. And. And openly. So.

So you say, listen, just. So you go, and when do you have that? I wonder when you guys have that.

I am terrible liar, and I get brutal, horrible guilt if I feel like I'm being an asshole.

Okay.

Which I think is a good quality, but also, like, negatively affects my life. So pretty much, I try to eliminate any amount of. Is Hartwick being an asshole? As much as possible, even if it's uncomfortable in the moment, if that makes sense.

Yeah. No.

So I'd rather rip the band aid off than be like, I'm juggling these four people that don't know they exist. It's like, fuck all.

That could be confusing.

I'd rather be. If they were like, are you sleeping with anyone else? And I was. I'd be like, yes, because.

I don't want to have.

Right. And then what happens when you.

And then, like, Instagram, they're.

You know, that's the thing with social media. Everyone knows.

It's, like, such a waste of time to stress out about that. I'd rather just. Just be up and.

Do you find. So in a. Have you ever had a woman when you're like, yeah, I actually am sleeping with other people. They're like, well, I'm looking for something more serious, and then they're out?

No.

Well, you're saying, though, I think there is some truth to this, is that women, I think, do appreciate the honesty.

No.

One wants. And that a lot of people. And right away, I think that when you start dating somebody, you should always assume that they're dating other people.

Yeah.

And there's no. Even if you had sex 2017, and.

We'Re like, in our late 20s. Early.

Exactly.

It's like, you're probably fucking a couple people.

Right. Just assume. Assume they are for men and for.

Women, especially if you meet them on a nap. For you to be so naive to think that you're the only one they swiped right on, you know, like, get.

Over it, you know?

Well, no, but I think it's great to be honest. So, you know, Gavin, what do you think? How does that feel to you? Do you think that maybe now you might want to.

You want to. Come on. I know it's working for you.

No judgment here. Because I think that Gavin is more of the norm, to be honest, because people don't have the language around it. They're like, if I tell someone that I don't want this stereotypical monogamous relationship and have a bunch of casual sex, that it's not going to be accepted, and it's. I don't even know how to talk about it. So don't ask, don't tell.

But by who, you know, like, I don't give a shit.

Okay. Heartbreak. We're not all, like, you going.

Going back to this whole thing of communication. I think that's definitely something that I can improve on because I'm pretty easy to please. You know, I'm really easygoing, and it doesn't take much to make me happy, you know, in terms of actually or.

Just if they, like, in general. Do you assume that they're all sleeping with other people? These women? Like, what. What do you think is their deal?

Definitely to think that I'd be the only one in their lives. That would just be naive. It's not like I'm seeing them all very frequently.

Right.

Definitely spaced out in time. A lot of friends that I have and a lot of people that I hang out with, they're from different places or, you know, they're traveling around a lot. It's not something that I have, like, this system where there's a calendar. Like, okay, this is. This is my rotation. This is how I have it mapped out and planned. I'm not some kind of evil genius in that sense.

You said you're not a great communicator, though. What do you mean by that as far as this? Or what about.

Well, just in terms of how. Of my feelings, of how I really feel about you in terms of like, is this something that I want to pursue long term? Is this something that I, you know, do I love you? I'm not a good communicator in that sense.

Do you know how you feel about that? Or is it kind of like just sometimes it could be hard feelings also another skill sometimes blocking?

I think so. I think I am really good at blocking emotions and, you know, staying in myself just with a lot of. I think a lot of that has to do with just my past and my upbringing and. And what I've gone through from a really young age. But I think ultimately, when it comes to happiness, it's a choice that we choose to be happy, by and large, you know, unless you have mental illness or, you know, other problems like that. I think that a lot of times it's, you know, really easy to kind of get stuck in a place where you're not necessarily feeling fulfilled or feeling satisfied with.

Are you fulfilled and satisfied?

I am. I'm very happy. And I think a big reason is that I don't rely on others for my own happiness. I. I think that I very much myself believe that happiness is a choice, and I choose that way.

But I think that you. It's also. I don't know. I want to give you a hug right now.

I mean. Yeah, I do. I just want to, like. Yeah. Aw.

I think it'll be good for you to, like, open up and, you know, have a moment when you're ready.

It's definitely something I can improve on. I know. Again, I don't think that. It's not something that I'm bad.

No, you're not. I'm just saying. It's just. I'm telling you guys, we all have adaptive mechanisms that get us through life. Okay, you guys, listen. I want to hear about the best sex you've ever had. The best sexual experience. And why, oh, why was it the best? Why is it in your spank bank? Why is it the top of list? Like, what happened and what made it the best?

There's so many different kinds. You know, there's like the crazy in the weird place sex. There's like, great the porno sex. There's like the I'm deeply in love with you sex.

You know, there's like.

Oh, there's all kinds.

So many textures. I get it. Okay, so one. You can think. We can come back to you. Anyone else? What's the first thing that came to your mind? Like, what was like. Oh, wait, I can't say that. Say that one.

No.

Yeah.

Or do.

Don't if it doesn't resonate to the best.

I remember I was 20.

Wow.

Yeah, it was a lot. I might have been. I might. No, I was younger than that. I was 19 and she was a lot older than me. She was like 27, which now sounds younger.

Hell, right. Older women. Awesome.

I met her at this weird bike ride thing and then she was just like, hey, come back to my place. And then it was good. I don't know.

But here's the thing. You know what's interesting? So the bet it wasn't necessarily. I'm just gonna assume here that it wasn't necessarily the actual sex that happened. It was more like, oh, my God, this older woman.

Yeah, it was kind of the fact that that was new. There was. I. I was living in LA for a year. I didn't really know the city. She kind of took me back to the strange house with, like a beautiful, beautiful view of downtown. I was like, what am I getting myself into? And it was. I don't know, it was just.

It was like this different. The strange.

Yeah.

Did you ever see her again?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple times. And, you know, I still know her and stuff like that, so.

Okay.

I don't know. Bodies working together.

Bodies work together.

That's times. That's. That's when it's the best. Can't force that. Like playing music with me.

Yeah, it is. It is. It's like a dance.

Yeah.

Gentleman.

Boring. I don't know.

You're not.

You're my best. Sex was good sex.

It's different for. I mean. But I like your question to the clarifier was like, yeah, it can be connected. Sex can be deep love. It can be, you know, the crazy sex on the. You know. Yeah, the chairlift. I had sex on chair lift once. We were in the craziest sex we had earlier.

But anyway, my. Mine was with a girl that I had met.

During study abroad, so she wasn't American, and we had kind of went to the same college and.

A lot of the students were going out partying all the time. And then one night we just kind of ended up making out. Both of us, completely obliterated, wasted. Not even, you know, too much of a memory going on. And then people brought it up to us, and then we just kept hanging out and partying, finding each other at the end of the party. And then eventually it turned into.

Why was it so great that we made it?

Well, yeah, to be honest with you, it just. Oh, my God. I don't even know.

It was because you were in a different country.

Yeah, it was. It was my first experience with someone who wasn't American, you know, it was very foreign to me. So.

Interesting.

Yeah.

And like the first night that we hooked up, we were both pretty, pretty drunk and then woke up. And for me, morning sex, that's like where it's at. I really dig it. Yeah. So that morning we both were like, you know, kind of fishing around, like, where are we to, you know. Oh, stuff happened last night, right? Yeah. And then, and then she was like, you want to go again? And I'm like, yes. And then that's all we did all day long. Like all day long. And just.

Yeah, it was for both of you. It was like an unknown, like foreigner typically. Somebody didn't know. Okay, Gavin.

It was. I remember this was back in college, probably when I was 21 or 22. I had to go to school earlier. I played water polo. And we had our preseason training camp and the girl I was dating at the time, she hadn't started school yet, so she was still at home and her parents were out of town. And then we. I finished my preseason training camp, so I was in the best shape of my life. And then I get back to her parents house where she was staying, and it was just an all day adventure where we fucked in probably every single room of the house from the kitchen cabinet to her parents, walk in, shower outside. And it was just exciting because her parents weren't home. So it was kind of like that secretive aspect to it, but then just the adventure of kind of going to all the different rooms in the houses, different positions. It was kind of like a. Just a marathon where I felt like almost like a porno movie, you know, and something that you would see, like in that sense, you know.

Interesting. This is very similar. Do you see this?

Actually remembered mine. It was on top of fire tower.

Oh, now you're changing your answer.

Yeah, like a year ago with my girlfriend at the time. So on top, like these fire towers they have up in the California mountains.

Right.

We like got onto this list through my aunt somebody. But there's like this big balcony and you're like, you know, on top of a mountain and then on top of a fire tower. So it's like 360 degree views. Just like snake it. Yeah, right.

You guys all had like adventures that went on and on and on. I think it's just interesting, like that element of surprise and something different, something new. Because sex can get kind of boring. Have you guys been in like long term. You said you've been in long term relationship. Yeah. Okay, got it. Okay, I have a question. What's on your sexual bucket list? Anything that you're like, I really want to have a threesome. Have you had a threesome?

I have not had a threesome.

Do you want one?

Yes, I do.

Okay.

I've had a handful of them.

Really? Chad, I know that wasn't the highlight.

The sweet. No, it really wasn't.

Okay. They're overrated.

Tells you something about the.

No, they can't be like, you have to like.

Yeah, yeah. The sweet, innocent southern boy over here. I took all the threesomes, but yeah.

It keeps shocking me.

Right? Yeah. I'm an interesting guy. This is always a. It's a very common question while dating and everything else.

And I. Threesome question or the.

No, the bucket list. And I have the most boring answer for it. Is that I've probably lived out every fantasy I've wanted.

Come on.

I know. Yeah. That's weird.

No, but what was.

Okay, of course, like, growing up, you know, I was like, oh, you know, the threesome is supposed to be like the holy grail of fantasies, you know? So I had one in high school and then had another one as a young adult and then another one as a young adult and another one later on, late 20s. And I've had them both. I've had threesomes where there were me and another guy involved in a female. But me and the guy, nothing happened with us. Just not my bag, you know. But yeah, so I've had them every which way and I've done a handful of them.

So nothing on the bucket list.

I know, that's a horrible answer.

No, it's not a horrible answer.

But like, I really. Don't get me wrong. To have another threesome. Cool. You know, but in terms of like a fantasy that I'm actively seeking out or anything like that, I just don't.

Have anything in love.

Oh, God. That's the biggest fantasy of them all.

Yeah.

I don't know, maybe, you know, I'm 33, I'm single. Most of my long term relationships don't last more than two years. I come from an area where people were married at 18, divorced, married again. Most of my friends are going through their second divorce. So. Yeah. Falling in love. I think that'd be awesome. Yeah, that'd be fun.

I hear ya. Yeah.

Having a threesome in love. Better.

I'm kind of.

You've done it all.

No, no, I'd like to fuck a married couple. Oh, yeah, both of them. I'd like to be the other guy.

What is it about that?

Because there's an element of being the novelty that I think would be totally hot. Like just being the piece of meat that they kind of bring in. I would be into that.

The unicorn.

Yeah. Yeah.

What do they call them? Right. Male unicorn. I have a question. What do you wish you could tell your younger self about sex? Like, what do you know? Now you're like, God, I wish I knew that.

Oh man, that's a great question.

To not be so worried about the outcome of or you know, about being awkward about things afterwards. Just to go for it. And in my older age, as you become more mature, you realize that it's, you know, sex is more of just a natural part of life.

And yeah, it's like not a big deal.

It's not something where you need to worry about, you know, oh, is it going to be weird afterwards, all that stuff? I think that's something that you learn as you, you know, get more experience.

Okay.

I just don't think so much.

Don't think during sex or just general?

Both. Yeah. In general, yeah.

In life I would probably say like relationship and sex wise to my younger self going through relationships later on in life. The best advice I would give is something you said earlier is about communication. Like, you know, don't be afraid to communicate earlier. You know, the girl with the tongue ring, if I would have told her the first time and that would have saved like five different times with that tongue ring, I would have been way happier, you know, but, but that's, that's the thing, you know, you shouldn't be afraid to get advice and to be able to give it.

But it's tricky with men sometimes, I think sometimes to give feedback. Right? Yeah.

For me it's, it's not. I don't get my feelings hurt about it. But you're probably like, sometimes you tell.

One man, like, I could never. I'm really bad at performing oral sex because one woman said that, you know, he sucked at or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, maybe you were bad for her, but for someone else you might be a genius.

I said my first long term relationship. That's what we had, the oral sex talk. She was like, yeah, I don't really like how you do it. And she was like, but this is how I want you to do it. And I was like, I'm down because I'm doing it for her. I'm not doing it for me. You know, I want it. It's not that I don't like to do it, but I like to give pleasure.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like to do it.

Yeah.

I really do. But I mean, the. The main part about it is. Is giving pleasure to my significant others. So if I'm doing it wrong, then. Then neither of us are enjoying it. You know, what are we doing here?

Right.

Yeah.

Is there anything about your sexual skills or anything you kind of have little insecurities about or anything that has happened that you're like, that kind of stuck with me? Anything that you're like. I'm not sure. How am I. I'm great at, I don't know.

Yeah, sure.

Using sex toys, if you ever used them. Or tied a girl up or a woman.

I mean, I could work on my knots, I guess.

We can help you. You've come to the right place.

Like, I know the basics, but I can't do it. What's that called Japanese thing where they tie people up? Yeah, I don't know how to do that.

You want a boy Scout? Yeah.

You get to join the Boy Scouts, man. They'll help you.

You.

That's really why people join the Boy Scouts.

I. I constantly have a fear that I'm. I'm not even though that the relationship I just spoke about. I mean, she and I were 18, 19 years old. That was my first long relationship. But I still. I don't get enough feedback on oral sex to know more than compliments.

Right.

Yeah.

If I've grown about it, as in my adult life.

Well, let's turn this, you guys. What? What? Is there anything that's confusing to you about women? Any questions you have, I'm here. You can ask me. This is what I do. How can I help you? Like, anything that keeps you. Like, why is that? Is that the clitoris? I'm not sure.

Why'd that girl freak out? Because I stayed the night?

Because you seemed surprised when I said that.

I never thought.

I think there's women like that.

Women, though. I just thought it was like, either.

She's a bad sleeper.

People are weird.

But what about sex? Seriously, Is there anything you're like every time or even it was your most recent experience. Like, I didn't know if I should put a finger in her ass, for example.

I don't know. Some people are so different. I'm so useless. Everyone's different, you know?

It's like, no, we're all different.

Yes, please jam your thumb into my butt. And other people, like, go screaming out the door if You.

Exactly.

So it's like, why don't you figure out if they like that before you do it?

That's good. Yeah.

Or read their body, you know, like.

Yeah, no, it's true.

But stuff, though, you know?

No, it's everything. You should always. I mean, I think that that's one of the big things about sex, is that it's really important to pay attention, I think, for guys, and my heart goes out to men, because I feel like you guys are put in this position that you have to be in charge and control, initiate. You're supposed to know exactly what you're doing, how to, like, play your body like an instrument. When every woman is different, every single woman's body is different. Like, if you put a hundred women in a room and they were all masturbating, they would all be doing something differently. How'd you guys learn about sex? How about master? Well, what up? And also, like, masturbation.

I had an awesome first girlfriend. I had a very awesome, very confident, very in tune with herself girlfriend who literally just what she.

Okay, tell me one thing.

She taught you how to go down or, you know, like. She was like. She was like, don't attack my clit right off the right. I'm like, I won't.

You know, go around the clit, around.

Oh, you know, take. You know, and, like, this idea that there's.

Did you know this? Gavin chat. This is good advice.

When you're, like, 17, you're like. You're like, you know about it. I'm put my dick in you. You know, it's like. And she's like, no, there's all this other stuff.

I'm glad you know, because guys do that at, like, you're 27, 37.

Figure that out.

Some men never do.

So you're asking, just in general, not the big question, like, how did we find out what sex was? You're asking about, how do we learn?

I don't know. Yeah, How'd you learn about sex?

Yeah.

The other way.

Yeah. I.

Lost my virginity really young. 14.

14.

And the girl that I was dating at the time was between 17 and 18, so she, like, turned 18 while we were dating. So plenty. Plenty of lessons went in with that. Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

So she taught you stuff. But you remember one thing, that you're like, every time you're having sex now, now that you think of her, but you're like, oh, thank God I know how to, like, unhook a bra with whatever.

Or that was one of them.

Touch your nipple.

Oh, it was all of It, I mean, you know, I was a freshman in high school. I was living the dream at that point.

This is.

All my friends were, like a senior man. Good job, you know.

Okay.

When I first heard your question, I was thinking like, oh, God, like, when did I learn sex ed like this?

That's what I thought.

This is gonna be. This is gonna be embarrassing. Well, no, it's funny because my mom was the school nurse at the school that I went to, and so I learned sex ed from her when I was in 10th grade.

You can't just be like my mom, you know, you have to give some context there.

Masturbation. How often do you guys masturbate?

Very frequently.

All the time.

Yeah.

Like just now when you got here and went to bathroom.

I did this morning.

Twice this morning.

Twice this morning. Okay.

Last night.

Yeah.

Do you watch porn?

Yes.

Yeah? What kind? How do you decide, like in the moment, what kind of porn?

I have a naked lady fetish, so I'm really.

Which must work for you.

It's one of those weird ones.

It's real confusing.

That started in Japan.

Yeah.

So it was really strange.

That's an old Canadian thing.

Do you ever think I'd rather just watch porn than have sex?

Not necessarily, but I definitely see the appeal of not having to work to find someone to have sex with.

Right.

Unless you got his four person list going on. But yeah, I definitely, like.

Gavin struggles in his own way.

No, no, he's doing great. He's doing great. But yeah, I definitely see the bit, like, man, you know, I just worked 14 hours. Do I want to go out to a bar, you know, and try to hook up with someone? Or do I just want to go home and watch. Watch porn?

Do you think it's impacted the way that you have sex?

Yes.

How so?

Several different reasons that by itself, like, if this were the 70s, would I be going home to look at a magazine or would I actively try to go meet someone more often? And I definitely think I would be doing that.

Wait. Because there's. Wait, what do you say? But in the 70s, you're saying you'd go home and you have to. The magazine wouldn't be as satisfying. So now that you've porn, you could just go home. It's more satisfying, I would imagine so.

I imagine porn makes things easier. So it makes. It probably makes me less motivated. Interesting.

So you could think, I'm just gonna go home and I can just check off like 10 times. I don't even need. Right. Interesting. So it's. Yeah, it's kind of a deterrent.

Right. And then the other part of it would be the sensitivity part of it. Like you, a guy masturbating is going to be different sensitivity than having sex with someone?

It's a different kind of orgasm.

Oh, yeah.

It's changed, perhaps for you over time. Do you think the more.

Oh, I'm sure it has. Like, I've had conversations with women that I've dated before that I go too long about things, but when I master, I can get myself off in 10 minutes.

So you're saying that you go to during sex, they're like, why are you taking so long?

Yeah, yeah. It's because the sensitivity is different. Like, the section of my penis that I'm used to pleasuring myself on is different than what sex would feel like.

Right.

So it's not that it's better.

I get it.

I'd much rather have sex than masturbate, but. Yeah.

What do you guys. Anything else? Porn.

It's a different urge for me. You know, it's like sometimes I'm like, yeah, I just want to like, be naked by myself and beat off a whole bunch. And then sometimes I'm like, no, I really want to touch another body. So it's. They're kind of different for me. It's not as simple as, like, I'm horny. Which am I going to do? It's more like, I would like to have sex or I don't.

Okay.

I guess I think porn and masturbation for me is just a good way to wind down and relax. You know, just with my job, I'm in an office from, you know, set hours, so it, you know, just to be able to come home, wind down, chill out. Just a convenient way for me to get that release.

I got it. Okay. But it doesn't like, impact what you're thinking about or fantasizing during sex. Doesn't sound like it.

No.

Okay, you guys, I've got questions for you guys. I got. Well, I'm gonna ask you all five questions. We're gonna go around, answer rapid fire questions. Okay. Chad.

Yes. Biggest turn on where a woman would like me to ejaculate.

When she tells you where.

Yes.

Or where would you like her to.

When she tells me where.

Got it. Okay.

Hartwick, that's a good answer. Are we talking biggest turnout? When a woman get. When a woman gets off. That's.

I mean, Gavin, right? No.

When a chick tells me to come.

On our dates, ejaculation stuff. Okay. I love it. Okay. How biggest turn off someone who's all.

Stuck up about things. Like, we're supposed to do it like this.

Got it. I'm like, rigid.

Waste of my time.

That's a good question. Biggest turnoff for me, I think, is just being too needy if you're asking me to do too much or if it's, you know, that makes sense for you.

You're an island. Got it. Okay. Chadwick.

I just can't buy your names.

It's one of my nicknames.

Cute, though. You guys. Chadwick.

You guys, that's our Jennifer.

I think he and I are gonna.

You guys could have a voice. But I mean, these names, it's amazing.

Yeah, yeah. My. My biggest turn off is the shitty personality. That. That'll. Yeah, that's just completely get me out of a situation. Like, I mean, an exact. Like someone who doesn't, you know, oh, well, I don't tip servers or something like that.

That's when you'd rather watch porn.

Someone's just mean to people. Someone that's just celebrates their ignorance or something like that. I just can't get on board with that.

Okay, Gavin, Sexiest part of a woman's body.

2017. The year of the ass.

Yeah, just this year. Okay.

Chad, I'm a big fan of really nice hair.

All right.

Yeah.

I so love butts, but I have a thing for, like, upper backs. Like, well muscled up. I think that's super hot. Yeah.

Like it. Okay, Hartwick, what's the one thing you wish you could tell your future partners about your needs the second she shows up?

Oh, here. If you've never seen an uncircumcised penis before, get ready.

Perfect.

It's not that complicated.

It's not. Right. That's a whole other show, but right over it.

I'll show you in, like 60 seconds. Yeah, there's one extra part.

Got it. Yeah. And like, that's it. Like, right. Wow. Get over it. Okay. What's the one thing. Yeah, your body. What do you want them to know when they get there?

I'm gonna need to be groomed periodically because I am pretty hairy.

So you want. You want her to groom, trim you, or you're just saying, like, she doesn't.

Need to groom me, but I am gonna need to be groomed.

Okay, Chad, Oral sex can get me in the mood for just about anything, anytime, anywhere.

Blow jobs.

Like, if a girl just says, hey, you know, this is what. I'm gonna go down on you right now that we.

I feel like a lot of women come equipped knowing that with no teeth or you're so good.

You would think, but yeah. Yeah.

Cool. Okay. Craziest place. You guys could just jump in. It's the last one. Craziest place youe've had sex.

That's the fire tower for me.

Yeah.

You already talked about it.

That was cool. Yeah.

There were guys shooting guns in the distance.

Awesome guns to tie the whole thing. Not really scare me, but maybe in a good way.

Yeah. Not at me.

So in a party bus in college. Around a lot of people. Around a lot of people. And on a sorority date night.

Right. Of course. Sorority party. Love it. And a bus.

It was on a second date with a girl. There was a lake, like a public lake area that a lot of people went to and would hike around. And it was right on the dock of that lake.

Right. Our sex.

Yeah. Outdoor. Right in the middle of there had. I mean, we were both drunk, but people had to have seen. Like, that's kind of hot, right?

Like, people watching.

Oh, yeah.

I'm totally into that. Yeah.

You guys should go to sex parties. Have you been.

I know.

That's a whole thing.

Yeah, I've been on the list for, like, five years. I'm waiting for the email, then you're.

Like, it's planning and it takes the. Like.

It's not that hard.

It takes the.

You're in la. Okay. You guys are awesome. Do you have any questions for me at all? Anything come up?

What's the elusive male G spot and how do you find it?

The prostate. Oh. I was going to ask you guys if you were interested in anal ply. That was one of my questions. How do you find it? Very carefully. It's great to start, like, when you're on your own, if you have a partner, when you're masturbating, it's similar to how you find the G spot. Have you found the G spot yet?

It's awesome.

But, yeah, you go slow. Use the finger. Oratory. Like that butt plug. But not the one here on the table. Use lots of lube. Breathing is really important because oftentimes, like, if you're having anal sex, if you guys had anal sex before with women. Yes.

I've done it to myself.

You've done it.

It made me come so hard, I started dying laughing when it was happening. Also because of the image of, like, me with a finger up my ass, like, kneeling on my floor, just, like.

Jizzing your fellow man.

Yeah, I was like, dying. I was like, what the fuck is going on right now? It was. It was truly hilarious.

Right? And how did you. Did you warm up? Did you sleep?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

You gotta go slow.

Cause I think it's a jam.

Yeah, you can't. Like, it's a tricky area. But not like. Not to scare you, but just make sure that you're warmed up, turned on, used lube is awesome. I'm gonna give. You guys are gonna get some lube when you go home. Some Joe lube. It's awesome. I could give you some toys that would help. But really, you just wanna, like. You could just take your finger and go around the outside and see how it feels. There's a lot of nerve endings there. And then, like, slowly put a finger inside. And it's kind of like that come hither motion. The same way that you're, like, looking for a G spot, like with your finger, like, towards the belly. It's the same place on the Man. And we've got tons of stuff on our website if you want to find out about it. Can I have one more question? Because I'm assuming you guys are all straight, because that's what we talked about before the show. But have you had experiences with men or ever had any feelings like that?

Yeah.

You have?

Okay. When I was younger and it was totally cool.

Right. What'd you do? Did you.

It was relatively tame by, like, my standards. Now I just, like, made out. It was all, like, above. It was outside on a balcony with this guy who's like, straight up, the most beautiful man I've ever seen in my life. D'. Angelo, if you're out there, call me.

And that's his name. He's a really good singer.

Of course.

He'S in the music.

No, no, not that guy.

Oh, I thought that was the joke.

No, that would be amazing. Different. D'. Angelo.

Did you, like, have sex?

No. No. It was like, all pretty much over. But, like, I was. I was 18 or something, so I was like, whoa, this is new. But, like, now, if that was to happen, it probably would have gone much farther. Because it would have gone farther.

Wouldn't have.

Yeah.

So would you be interested in being.

Yeah, I'd be fine with it. I. My whole thing is, again, it's like, if the bodies work together, it's about energy.

It's about. Yeah, right.

That said, you're attracted to. I am straight because I wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship. Relationship with a man. But that's physically. I can be attractive as far as I can tell.

Right. All right.

You know, who knows?

Open mind.

Yeah.

Yeah. No, I've had, you know, threesomes where a guy was involved as well. I'm 100% straight. Some of my closest friends are gay. They call me terminally straight is what they would call me, because they're very convinced that a lot of straight guys I know will have bad experiences, but they're like, chad just doesn't. I've never had an experience with a guy other than, like, a friendly kiss almost as a joke, you know? Got it.

Okay. That's mean. Well, sure, sure.

Yeah. And it's fine.

The.

The threesome did lead into. The guy really thought that that's what was happening.

Right.

So while the girl was going down on me, he. I turned and he was. And I was like, what are you doing? He's like, I just wanted to give you a kiss while you're getting a blowjob. And I was like, no. Like, you know, I felt bad, but I was like, I'm sorry.

Like a Southern gentleman. Right.

I opened the door for him later on and everything.

That's awesome.

Gavin, you were asking about prostate play, and I think a lot of men. I love that you asked that, because there are a lot of men listen to my show that I think or they believe in. Not the men who listen to my show because they know, but there are men out there who think like, oh, it would make me gay, or, you know, why would I ever venture in that area? However, like, Heartwar can tell you just the best organizer.

It's like, what makes it gay about touching your own butthole? It's like, get over it.

Exactly. Okay, on that note, thank you, everyone. You guys were awesome. Thank you so much for being here. This was a blast.

This is fun.

Really enjoyed having you part of this amazing roundtable. And thank you to everyone for listening to the show. Thanks for emailing all your questions and for being in touch. Thank you, my amazing team. Ken, Jamie, our intern, Shannon, producer, Lark and Michael. And thanks, everyone, for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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