Unlock Your Hidden Orgasms

I'm gonna leave you with this thought. She's a little bit heavier. And she said, you know what, let me tell you something. She's older and very seasoned. Because I tell you what, when you're the only woman in the room, he don't care what your body looks like. And I've never forgotten that.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sexual. So just how many pathways are there to your best orgasm? Well, it's more than you realize. Today's episode is all about creative ways to climax so you can unlock even more pleasure the next time you have sex. First, are breastgasms really a thing? I explain to one caller how they work and give her ideas for stimulating them and her other erogenous zones. Next, a couple calls in with a common problem. He finishes during penetrative sex. She doesn't. Well, I give them some orgasm gap hacks to solve it. Finally, why is it often easier to have a G spot orgasm with a toy but not during sex? Well, I give you tips for getting there with a partner and more tips to maximize your pleasure intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you to do the same. My intention is to give you abundant options for reaching your full pleasure potential, which of course includes any interesting ways to orgasm. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or Message me at sex with emily.com Ask Emily or call my hotline 559-talk-EX or 559-825-5739. Always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Your and totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Before we get into today's episode, I want to tell you about one of our longtime partners, Magic Wand. And we also have a brand new article on our site. When it's time to unplug, plug in a magic wand. Now, you know I love the Magic Wand. Everyone loves the Magic Wand. It's been around since 1968 and it really is a cultural icon. And the cool thing is they have several models now. They have Rechargeable and the Mini and the plus, but there's nothing like the og. I mean you might Remember when I first got the Magic Wand original which plugs directly into the wall so it doesn't require batteries or charging. I drilled a hole in my nightstand so that my Magic wand was ready to go at all times. It's incredibly powerful. It delivers some of the most memorable orgasms. It's really great for other kind of massages too. I mean don't forget it feels amazing on your shoulders and your back. And it's dependable. You make a one time purchase under $70 and you will have your Magic Wand original free for life. You can check out the article now at sex with Emily.com magic wand that's sex with Emily.com magic wand thanks everyone and enjoy this episode.

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Okay, we're taking calls all about unlocking your orgasm potential. We have Rebecca, 38 in Washington exploring erogenous zones.

I heard that there's several type that women have and as far as other orgasms, like a breast orgasm and I didn't know if that was true and if that could really happen and I'm wasting my time exploring something like that to have a different orgasm.

No Rebecca, you are right on track. In fact, breast scasms are really common for women. It's the same receptors in your brain. Your clitoris and your breasts, your nipples are attracted the same. The sensory cortex in your brain is the same. So region. Right. It sends the same signal. So you would be likely to have orgasms that way. So it just takes a little bit of practice. And maybe you are having an orgasm, or, I mean, you're already turned on and aroused, and then you start to play with your nipples and use some lube or use a vibrator, have your partner play with you there. My best advice is to let go of expectations, like, is this happening? Is this an orgasm? And focus on what you are feeling. Yeah, I would definitely focus on that. And then there's, like, the secondary erogenous zones that we have. I would say that the nipples and the clitoris and the anus, those are. And the penis and the vagina, those are the primary erogenous zones. But the secondary erogenous zones are also, I think, often ignored.

And.

And if I tell you them, you'll probably recognize them. Like, oh, that feels good. Like the nape of the neck, the inner thigh, the ears, the nose. There's parts of the back of the ears. There's parts that you might not even realize that feel good. And that's why slow sex and touching and kissing and. And maybe someone breathes on your neck, right? Like, they lick it and they breathe on it. So it's like cold air and warm air and just exploring with a vibrator and mouth and your inner elbow, that's also a very secondary erogenous zone. Back of your. Yeah.

So it's not false information that I've seen or heard people talk about. I'm like, I'm going to call Emily because she'll know the answer.

So it's real, Rebecca, Keep playing and exploring. Yeah. Breast scasms are real. And I think that women. Of course, Rebecca, keep me posted. I want to know how it goes. Yeah. Love it. Great question. Yeah, that's what. Of course, you guys. That's what I'm talking about when I say explore. Explore your body. That's what I mean. What if you are somebody who really gets a lot of pleasure from your neck being kissed or your nipples being kissed and you don't. Or touched and you just. You don't know because you haven't explored it. Or maybe a partner tried once to pleasure your breasts, for example, and it was like someone you weren't into or you weren't in the mood then. And then you make a decision. Maybe you're like, well, I don't like breastplay, but what if it was done in a way that was tender and consensual and loving and soft and maybe used a warm massage candle and your partner poured it over your body and then they took that massage oil and they. They rubbed it all over you and they used their fingertips and their hands really slowly and just sort of explored. And you were able to breathe into that. And you knew that the partner wanted to be there and they wanted to please you. So you weren't worried that you were taking too long, that you had to get up and do something to them and you just could receive. And I think that part of exploring your Roger zones and knowing it feels good is allowing yourself to realize that you are a sexual being. We're all sexual beings and we all deserve pleasure. And finding a partner who has the same growth mindset around sex is how we will all be set up for sex. Cess. Let's talk to John and his wife, 50, in Illinois. Hi.

Hi, Emily. How are you?

Good, how are you?

Oh, not too bad, not too bad. So last time we spoke, I was bragging to you about your advice of just take it down, which worked with the blowjob after. We've been together quite a long time, and my wife has a wicked gag reflex. So anyway.

That.

Oh, I said, just take it down. Just have her just swallow it. Just take it down. Is that what I said? Take one?

Yeah. No, it was a combination of the salt and caramel lube. And then your advice of also, like, you know, at some point you just got to take it down. And that's exactly what she said after. I was like, holy shit, how'd that happen? She's like, you know, I just took it down. I was like, alrighty.

Okay.

I did tell you the one thing I wanted to follow up with because she was at work at the time and now she's here. And so I wanted to follow up on the orgasm gap because that's the thing that kind of stresses me out. Like, okay, I come each and every time and I'm like, like, very happy about that. But sometimes I feel guilty because, like, I. I'm. I'm happy to give oral. A lot of times I get shot down because it's like, no, it's not the right time. And so. And. And also, too, we've bought all these kind of different vibrators and things like that.

But, like, nice.

I don't really think she takes time for the whole like, masturbation thing and all that. So. And, And I'm, you know, I mean, we have sex probably three to four times a week and. And I bang out a couple solo sessions too, on top of that. So I'm all good. But I really wanted to focus more on her, so I set that up and here she is. I'm kind of putting her on the spot a little bit because she got home from work and I was like, we're calling Emily because the kids are out here and I want to get this out.

I'm so happy. No, this will be good. We can just talk here. Chat. Tell me your name if you want to, or you can change your name.

Hi, so I'm Julie.

Hi, Julie. Julie, let's talk. Hi. I want to hear from you. What do you. What do you think is going on? Like, do you. How do you feel about this orgasm gap that John comes every time and you. Not so much.

I mean, honestly, I. To me, it's kind of like.

No, I think it's just like the, like the norm. Like, I don't really. I guess I don't really think it's anything strange because it's just how, you know, is. And I've always kind of told him, like, I love being with you and all that. And it doesn't have to be like, I just personally don't know how I could have an orgasm sexually.

And so I can't help myself. When I started listening to you two years ago, I was floored that only 20% of women have that because I was always like, oh, shit, I wish I could give her an orgasm with sex. But I didn't know that. So that was one thing that was like so unbelievably helpful to everybody. To most males on the planet.

Yes. I'm trying to get it out there, John. I literally, if I could buy a billboard here in Hollywood, I would buy a billboard that says only 20% of women are gonna orgasm with your penis. So, yeah, that's the truth.

I keep interrupting, but I had a huge smile on my face. Cause the cleaning lady came today and before they did, there's like four lubes on our nightstand. There's boober lube, there's. What's the coconut one I'm drawing? Oh.

Woo. More play?

Yep. And then the warming one that you recommended, we haven't tried that yet, but it's sitting on the nightstand. And then there's pure. And there was something else. I was like, we have like a cornucopia of lubes.

You have all my favorite lubes. I've literally. We have matching nightstands. That's amazing.

You guys are exactly. Okay, okay, I'll stop interrupting.

No, you have a lot of lube, John. You guys are adorable. Okay, so, Julie, I used to think, well, you know what? I'm just not gonna have an orgasm every time. Or most times. I'll never have. Something's wrong with me. Cause it doesn't happen with a penis. But I'll just fake it or whatever. And then I start to realize all this information that, okay, most women aren't orgasming with a penis, but they do orgasm. The majority of women will orgasm with a mouth, with fingers, with a toy. Right?

Yeah.

So that's. I basically won't orgasm pretty much any other way unless I have a lot of foreplay. Like someone goes down on me and they do other things. I'm in the mood. I have enough time. And then maybe during penetrative sex, I'll have an orgasm. But it's not every time. So that's why I think what might be good for you guys is some she comes first action where John is using a toy on you, using his mouth. And then he said that you weren't always in the mood for it or it wasn't the right time. Is that. Or do you like it?

It's what?

Do you like? Yeah, all those things. Do you. Do you enjoy it?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. For sure. Very much so. It's just that.

Think.

You know, I think it's one of those things too, where I'm like, I don't have time. Yeah. Like. Like I'm stressed out or whatever. Or like, you know, I have to get up for work or the kids are home or those. All those things that are very common. I know, but I just feel like, no, no. You know, I don't know why, but I just kind of. And then if we do, I'm always like, I'm glad we did. And it was, you know, a good thing.

Oh, no.

Sometimes I'll, like, practically beg. And then I will give her. Or she had a great orgasm. I'll be like, that was the best. And she's like, I know, right? I'm like, I know. Like. Like, I like. It's. Getting her to the party is a lot of the.

Yes.

Because it's more. It's not an easier.

Well. And then sometimes I track it in my head. I'm like, sweet Jesus, I've had like 15 orgasms to her.

One.

And Emily's talking about the orgasm gap. I'm like. I feel like I'm contributing to it.

Yeah, well, let's. Let's end that right now. I mean, it sounds to me like you're talking about having some stress, Julie, which a lot of us do, I'm telling you. That's why so many of us, and men, too. But I hear it more from women. They're like, I don't have time to. To. To come down after work, and I've gotten so stressed out, and there's so much more to do in the laundry. We get home. Women take on more of the homework as well the household work and kids. So I think what might be good is a grounding exercise. John would maybe, Julie, if you'd be into this. What if he gave you a massage for 15 minutes or massaged your feet and you put down your phone and he got you in the mood and used some massage oil or just, you know, or took a bath? Is there a reset? Because I know the sec. If I'm with somebody and they just, like, rub my back for, like, 10 minutes, I'll be like, okay, I'm in. It's a change of state. Right? You need to, like, let me get into the mindset for sex, which is what the majority of women need. We do. And we just sort of. But then they feel like, you did you, like, once I got going, that wasn't so bad. Kind of like going to the gym right when we. We don't want to go to the gym. And then we get our shoe. The hardest parts of it is getting our shoes on. And then we get out the door. That's hard, too. But then we get there and we're like, oh, okay, not so bad. It sucks. Is like that. But how do we get you to. To link up that amazing feeling afterwards with just getting started? And so I'm trying to think of some hacks here to speed it along for you.

Massage thing. I do try. The one complaint I think you have, too, is like, usually I have a boner with the massage I'm giving TMI here, but. And yeah, I'm trying to slip in wherever I can because I'm just. I'm so turned on.

Well, that maybe you need to give her her, like, then. Because as women, I think Julie's like, me probably. She's a giver, pleaser. She is. She's like, oh, I'm not there yet, but you really want to go. And you. So maybe you got to take the dick out of her back. You Know.

Amen, sister.

Preach for sure.

Yes.

Right. Like leave your boxers on. Leave your underwear on while you're doing it. And just make it about Julie. And then Julie will feel your attention. She'll feel the love, she'll feel the connection. She'll get. She'll like. You're going to be literally. Massage isn't just a light. Oh, this is a nice thing to do. It literally are calming her nerve endings. We're getting stimulated or, you know, her oxytocin, her serotonin. So all those feel good hormones are getting stimulated by the touch. That's why we all love massage so much. It releases stress. That means. So we have to wring her out. We have to get the stress out. So you can get in John. But not before that.

No, you can tell I've listened too long. Could we maybe have a homework assignment here of like one week of one. One time. A week of masturbation on our own?

Yep. Well, if Julie wants you. You said that Julie bought a bunch of toys. You got her a bunch of stuff, but she's not using them. I need to like, have it on my nightstand too. So I remember I'm the same way I put shower Julie. I use waterproof toys in my shower. So I remember to masturbate sometimes.

Wow. All right.

Yeah, I gotta do it too. It's my job. So. Yeah. And then I'm always glad I did.

I just.

Yeah.

And I think that, you know, the other thing is the whole thing about, like, not being able to have an orgasm with sex. And I don't. And I know that's something we're trying to, you know, like, I have the.

G spot.

Which has not been a successful thing. But I don't think I've really given it a good chance either to try to figure out.

Let me tell you about the G spot thing, or I like to call it the G area. I had had sex frequently with many partners or, you know, several before I discovered my G spot. Let me just say that I thought it was impossible for me. And then it wasn't until I took matters into my own hands, literally, and started studying sex for a living, that I was able to have my internal orgasm. And that came from having a clitoral orgasm first. So I would. Because that. Because then that helps you have. Because that it's all connected. Your internal and external orgasms are pretty connected. They're all these nerve endings. So once you have one on the outside, sometimes it could really help you. Then the blood starts to flow and it starts to become more engorged, then you're more aroused. And I think it's practice, it's breathing. It's taking time to explore your body. In your masturbation session, John doesn't come in the room. You lock the door, whatever. Or you could do mutual masturbation, but it's giving yourself permission to explore. I had to commit to it because I thought that I wasn't able to have an orgasm either that way until I took. And it didn't happen the first time. It took me, like, months.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Right. Because that's kind of where I'm at.

Like, well, it's just not in my. My body. Like, it's just not how I'm built, you know, or something.

You are. I believe you can. I believe that most women can have most kinds of orgasms if they commit to trying it and not giving up and trying the process. But I thought I couldn't because I bought a toy, like, years earlier that was a rabbit vibrator. Like, literally the rabbit that came out. And I. And I used it once. Didn't do anything. Never went back to it. Because I thought it was the kind of thing where, oh, you just try it once and it works, right? Like, it just. It should just work. Like, I'm just not built that way. But I realized I had to learn my own body.

I would be that way, too.

Okay, so we're the same. There you go. We're like twins. We had to figure it out. But I'm telling you, I think it's possible. And John is a very enthusiastic partner, and so you could use some toys together. You could do mutual masturbation together. But I would just plan, and I would be patient, and I would pay attention to what you're feeling. And I think it's all possible, but I can't tell you for sure that you'll be able to have it during penetration. Maybe if you have a clitoral vibrator on your clitoris, sometimes that helps to have the internal. But just play with it. Get curious, John, you got to keep your penis in your pants for a little bit and warm her up.

Well, one other. Actually there. I have a question and then a comment. Is that okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

So first question is, I'm struggling a little with the kibin method, too. She. I start that, and she kind of is not totally into it, and I feel like I'm doing it wrong.

Okay, well, how are you doing it? We're talking about the oral sex method. That's called the kid method.

So, so typically, I start oral with just the clitoris. And. And she always is, like, lighter. Lighter. And I feel like my tongue's barely touching. That's one of the, like, shows, like, lightly. Yeah. So, like, it's super sensitive. And after she has an orgasm, she, like, won't allow any touching, which is fine. Although I did tell you I did the cupping of the vulva, which you liked, so that was good.

I love the cupping of the vulva. Right? Yeah, I remember talk about that. Okay.

I tried the whole. I tried to give it, and maybe it wasn't long enough. Is now after hearing you tell Emily about not really giving it a full go, like, you know, thinking it's gonna work instantly.

Maybe that's it. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Probably give up too easily sometimes.

Yes, I do too. But I think that you could just kind of stop and go to other. Go around and tease other. Play with her nipples and play with her breasts and do other things and then come back to the clitoris. But the kid method is from the side to side, so you're not going. You never should with oral sex. Go right for the clitoris. I think it's about teasing and kissing the inner thighs and licking around the clitoris, licking around the pubic mound and all the areas around it, the labia. And then you get to the clitoris. But there's also the. The kivin methods is about stimulating those nerve endings from side to side. So thigh to thigh. Those. Like, you're going up at your perpendicular, lying between her legs, thigh to thigh, not. Not toes to head. So that then you're covering more nerve ratings. So you're going like outer labor in your labia. Outer, you know, inner labia, outer labia, back and forth that way. So you're hitting all the nerve endings.

So the only other time I gave her a clitoral orgasm from behind, but I gave, like, a massage with the muse lube first and rubbed all around, which I was unable to do previous. But with the lube, you were fine with it. Then I licked all over the place, then got to the clitoris, and then we were all good.

So that is hot. From behind is so hot. That is underrated. We should talk about that more too. Licking from behind is so freaking hot because you're stimulating different nerve endings. You're coming at it differently. And then you get to the clitoris. Yes, do that.

She can usually only have an orgasm on her back. That was the first time she had one on all fours, which I was in heaven.

Yeah. There you Go.

By the way, when we're, like, walking the dogs, we'll be like, so we're outside the bedroom. Emily would approve of this. I have something to tell you. I'm like, oh, sweet Jesus. So anyway.

Good. You guys okay?

Yeah.

My last thing. I was walking the dogs the other day, and neighbor, like, friend neighbor, like someone who we know pretty well stopped and was like, hey, how are you? Sorry, are you on a conference call? I was like, oh, no. I'm like. And I just decided to be super honest. I was like, how's your sex life with your husband? I'm listening to sex with Emily. It is so good. I'm like, I don't know where you guys are at. I know nothing about it. But this is tmi. Listen to sex with Emily.

Oh, thank you. You guys are fabulous. Oh, my God. You guys keep me posted. I love hearing from both of you. Thank you for calling. When we return, I'll be taking more of your calls. All about orgasms. So don't go anywhere.

Today's show is all about orgasms. This call is from Amanda, 41 in Arkansas. So good to talk to you, Amanda. Tell me everything. How can I help?

Well, it's just kind of a question, really. And I don't exactly know what it's called, but it's the.

The dildo type thing. You know, it curves the top. It has kind of like a little silver bullet inside of the casing, so it curves upward to hit the clitoris. G spot on the inside. Right. So.

So a dill. Is it a dildo? A dildo doesn't bite. So a dildo doesn't vibrate.

Okay. It vibrates. A vibrator. I'm sorry.

Okay, got it.

So, you know, I can kind of play around on the inside. You know, get yourself started. And then I was like, okay, well, I'm going to try the insertion and see if this is real. And it. It works. And so it worked twice. But my question is, why does this not happen during actual sex? Like, what am I doing? Positionally incorrect to where that does not happen.

That is such a great question, Amanda. So what you're asking is you use an internal vibrator. It didn't have a. It didn't have an external part to it.

Right.

It didn't have, like. It wasn't like a rabbit vi that went on the external. Just went inside you. Okay. And so for the first time, or maybe one of the first times, you experience an internal orgasm using that vibrating toy.

The first time. The first time at 4 at 41? Yeah.

Okay. So congratulations, by the way. And you are like my poster child for women because I say all the time that just because you haven't had one doesn't mean it won't happen. You just got to explore. I had my first one with a vibrator as well. Yeah, I totally get it. So I feel like just wanna. So happy for you, Amanda. Really? That's really cool. So why does it happen is because first off, while you in a committed relationship right now, are you in a long term relationship?

I am. I'm married.

Oh. Okay. The thing is that you were probably alone. You weren't thinking about your orgasm. You weren't really like worried about maybe pleasing your partner or waiting for it to be done. You know, maybe you just felt relaxed and you were on your own, right?

Or was your husband there and I was by myself. Yes.

Okay. You're by yourself and you kind of experiment. You could think, well, where does this go? And you can move it around inside of you and just kind of breathe into it and get where you could feel, where you kind of knew where it needed to go. And so when we're with our partner sometimes, right, It's. And then their penis is just going in and out. It's not as nuanced, right. There's not as many movements that. Targeting different spots that you just might not. And it doesn't, you know, I don't think your penis, you know, your, your husband's penis vibrates. So there's all those factors I think, that contribute to it.

So I think that you were in control and you. There was no one around and you could breathe and you could be you. And so that's probably why it hasn't happened before. And now, you know, you can. So this is such great information you have now. And you can bring that to your husband. Be like, look what I found. I found these internal clitoral nerves and how to stimulate them. Let's celebrate. Let me show you. So here's this toy, right?

That's what I was going to say. So literally you're like, hey, check this out. This is what I found out. This is what happens now. You try.

That's it. That's it. And you bring him into it. And I was thinking about you and I thought, wow, I. I even called into a show. You could say that. You could say I did some research and I found out. So you guys are in it together. Say, I've got something really fun tonight, really hot. You can even text him ahead of time or Just say, I've got something I want to tell you. And then build that up and then be like, look at what I found, and he'll watch you. Or he could do it for you. And then maybe he could try it with his fingers and some lube, and then he could find that spot as well.

Okay, I'm gonna do that. Just like a very nice place where he doesn't think he's doing something wrong.

Well, see, Amanda, this is why I'm telling you that the best I. This is what I always talk about with everybody, is that we think that if we have to bring up sex, we're going to be shaming our partner, rejecting them. They're going to feel really bad.

Oh, good.

I didn't. I didn't know that. That. I thought that it just didn't work. I thought it was, like, a fake thing.

Oh, it was a fake. But no, it was a fake orgasm or a fake. What do you mean?

I know. I just thought the whole G spot thing, like, wasn't real. Like. Oh, people say that. Yeah. They're faking it or whatever. Because, like, I've never had that.

I mean, Amanda, this is amazing. I mean, here's the thing that is, in your 41 years old, you've probably been.

Have.

And you have other orgasms. Do you have.

Yeah, always. Clitorally, like, always. I can always do it that way, but it has never happened internally.

Now, do you. Here's my question for you, Matt. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? Because this is so interesting, and I think it's going to help a lot of people. So tell me about your clitoral orgasms. Are you. Is it during masturbation? Is it when you're, you know, your husband uses his mouth or his fingers?

All of the above.

Great. Okay, that makes sense. And then with this toy, though, do you remember, was it, like, deep inside or was it just about two thirds inside? Do you remember?

Literally, Like. I mean, this sounds really stupid, but literally the tip.

Yep. So what? That. Exactly. So what that means is it's sort of what I. What I always say is that it's your internal clitoral nerves. You probably were hitting. You were hitting parts of your. So. And that's why some people think it's the G spot. Some people. I don't even like that name, the G spot. Because this is why women are like, oh, is it? What is it? But those nerve. The clitoris is 8,000 nerve endings, like, on the outs. Like, it's that little bud. But they also have these legs that sort of extend internally behind your labia and in your pubic mound towards the opening of your vagina. And so that's kind of what you were doing. You had could slow down and then stimulate it. And I bet your husband now, if you show him with the toy, he could find that spot on you as well, but it might not come with a penis. So this is. This is because what you're also showing me is like, people think only 20% of women have an orgasm with a penis inside of them. And it's because it's much shallow. For some women, there's a shallower thrusting or a. There's just more of a little curve there. You got to hook around and find that internal clitoral nerve as it becomes swollen by the opening. Does that make sense?

That makes sense, yeah.

Okay, cool. I love this, Amanda.

Thank you.

Of course. Let me appreciate it. Of course. Thank you. I appreciate you. How about that, Amanda? Yeah. We're talking about orgasms. We're talking about your sex life. I want to help you have a different kind of orgasm this weekend. If you want to edge yourself and tease yourself into having delaying your orgasm so you could have more explosive orgasm. If you want to have multiple orgasms, it's all possible, right? Amanda just showed us that she's 41 years old and she just had her first internal orgasm.

With a toy. Same thing happened to me. I thought that I was broken having sex with people. Why it wasn't happening with the penis? Because you got to explore on your own. Okay, we have Another caller now. Elizabeth, 55 in Texas has a response to Amanda's first G area orgasm. Tell us everything, Elizabeth. What's going on?

I was explaining that I'm in my mid-50s. I'm still very sexually active with my husband. We have sex probably two, three times a week. And he's almost 60.

Back in my 40s. Well, this is when I was younger. In my 20s, I walked in the break room office I worked at, and some of the older women were talking about the G spot. I had no clue what they were talking about. And they said, oh, you're too young to understand this. So anyway, I was about 40 when.

I was in a position. There's only one position where I can be stimulated from the G spot and actually climax. And it was an accident. I was on top, and my husband likes to feel me brush against him. So I lean forward and I have this one little fantasy. So I think you have to be in a relationship where you're comfortable. And, you know, I can, you know, hold his arms down. And I'm feeling like I'm in control. And I was just playing, you know, he's just laying there like. Like he's, you know, I mean, I'm the boss and I've got him down. And I'm rubbing and I'm going up and down. You know, I'm on top. And I. I climaxed and it was one of the hardest orgasms. I mean, a big one that I've ever had. I actually cried. I'm like, oh, my God. What was that? So, I mean, that's one of my favorite positions. Now he's, hey, I love it. I don't have to do any work. And you're happy. And afterwards I'm happy. So.

Wow, Elizabeth, that's so. That's great. Elizabeth, I have a question for you. When you say you are on top, because I want women to also know that it looks different for everybody. So are you saying that you were going up and down or you were more rubbing, like your chest was kind of closer to his chest, kind of moving that way, like towards his head. You're leaning on him?

I. I'm leaning for. I'm on top, but I'm leaning forward and more down. Leaning for. And I don't know what the angle is internally, but I'm thinking my. In my mind. Just like men think thoughts. Women do, too. Or for me, I do. And I'm thinking, you know, I'm in a position of power over him. That just my fantasy. And between that and the stimulation from that angle, you know, my breasts are rubbing against his chest.

Yes.

I mean, I'm not totally flat, but I mean, I'm at that angle and I'm holding his arm.

It's like a 45 degree angle.

It is. Yep. About 45. You know, you give or take, however, you know, it works for whoever, but it just.

No, right. That's what I'm saying. It's.

Some people.

It's 90. Some people are flat on their, you know, on their partner's chest. Rubbing. Yeah, but this is. I get it. And then you. Because you were able to. In that. In that, leading that angle, then his. That makes sense. But his penis was also going more up. Do you guys understand what I'm saying? They're not back. It's going more so she's leaning like this. Do you see? So 45. So it's hitting sort of closer to the intern. When I say that, you find your. Your. It's internal that the Come hither motion. You know, when you're using your fingers, it's going towards your. Your stomach, like that way. The. It's in the wall, though, of the vagina, like the internal wall is what you're saying. So that would make sense that you're leaning forward. But I think a lot of times when people are just having a penis go in and out, it's just going straight back into the vagina and it's not curving up. Yes. Elizabeth, this is so helpful. Thank you for. I. I'm so happy.

Yeah, it's wonderful. I do. I'm gonna say it again. You've got to have the mindset, and you've got to be comfortable. You know, it took a while in our marriage, and I was comfortable.

And.

And, you know, you think twice about it, and I would have my eyes closed, thinking. And there it was.

I have a question, Elizabeth. So here's the other thing. So what do you think it was, like, about. Like. I'm saying, you were. You've been together how many years? Because you're 55. It happened at. How many years have you with your husband?

35.

Okay, 35 years. And so. And then. Okay, so you having. You just not having, or you were having clitoral orgasm?

I could. I could. If he. Let's say it was oral and. And out, you know, external. On the clitoris. Yes.

Right.

But never by just having sex. And, you know, I would sit on top and just ride look, you know, so he could see me. And then just for whatever reason, I just leaned forward. And for the first time, I'm like, you know what I'm gonna have? I'm gonna think about this. It wasn't just sex.

It's.

I'm. Okay, I'm gonna tell you. I pretend I'm a prison guard and he is a prisoner who cannot get out. Nobody's coming to see him, and I gotta have him. So I've taken him and I'm. I'm in control.

Dominating.

I love this. This is. Yeah. Have you ever told him this, Elizabeth, this is great. Have you ever told him that that's what you're fantasizing about?

That's what I'm fantasizing. He's under my control. I get him and he lays there. He loves me, and it doesn't take, I kid you not, less than a minute. And I. Orgasm. There's something about the. You know, because I'm not a control freak. So it's my moment of being control.

Exactly, Elizabeth.

I mean, we're from Texas. And he is 100% man. And I'm, I'm a woman who beliefs and some, you know, submission. I mean I'm not that I'm.

But you know, I cook and clean and you know, I do my duty and you know, things that I've had a business, you know, so I'm not a ding dong, you know, just, just raise babies. And that was all. I mean, and that's a beautiful thing. I would have done just that.

Right.

But it is my moment of. It's my fantasy. I have a couple other ones too, but that's the chief one. That's the one where.

Wait, Elizabeth. Okay, so this is. Elizabeth, I love this. This is so it. Because it's not just about a position. It's. You're right. It's mindset. This is why I always remind you all that having a healthy fantasy, fantasy life is going to help bring more pleasure to your, to your sex life. And it is sort of a. Your brain was into it and your body and you were moving and it was a very intense. I love that this is your fantasy. Wait, Elizabeth, one more few questions. Does he know that you're fantasizing when you're orgas. When you're.

Absolutely.

Oh, you tell him.

I tell him. Yeah. I, I, I, that's the one. I tell him. But he's, he's the object of it. It's not like I'm thinking of Gerard Butler, you know, I'm. Oh no, we have not my neighbor for sure.

But.

No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. No, but that would be.

No, I know, I know.

No, but Elizabeth, this is a really healthy. I just love that you're setting, showing this example that of 35 years being with somebody. It took you, you know, what was it then like? You know, just until 20 to 40 is.

Almost 20 years.

Almost 20 years. No orgasm during penetration? Yeah.

No, not during penetration. No. I didn't, I didn't understand it. And then I think just getting older and being relaxed with each other. There's no kids in the house. We walk around the house naked. You know, we're, we're, you know, we got grandkids now. Nobody lives here. I mean, we're just so relaxed and then it just turned into.

You know, go to bed in the morning. You know, we have quickies. We can, you know, it just environment, you know, how you feel about each other, that kind of thing. I still think he's sexy and he calls me sexy. So. Yeah, it's important to love each other and still Feel connected. So, yeah. All right.

What do you tell him, though? So do you say to him when you're in bed, like, do you ever role play it? Do you ever. Do you ever dress him up as a prisoner? Do you ever wear, like, a hat or anything? Wear any knee high?

No, my husband is very. He's. He let me buy him some underwear one time that looked like an elephant or something, and he said, now, you know, I'm putting this on for you now, but I'll never do it again. So, no, it wouldn't be a role play or anything like that, but he knows what I'm doing. I said, yeah, he's. He's a. He's a man's man. I mean, he's a boss, and he'll just let me have that much dominance.

Well, this makes six. This makes sense, though, that in the bedroom, because that is. You're also explaining such an important thing about women's power, right? The sexual power of being a woman and feeling that we are in our body and in control, that we. So many women need that release. So what you're explaining, Elizabeth, that you're in a relationship where you feel safe and you feel. You feel in your body, you can do what you want. You're free, and you're not thinking about your face or about, you know, like, what, am I making a weird orgasm face? Or is he happy? Is he pleased? Do the kids have, you know, of no other worries? But you're in your. You're truly in your pleasure. You're a woman in your pleasure, and then you can sort of seize the moment. And I think that's the key to. To incredible sex, is that letting go. People say you got to let go. And that's exactly what you're describing with such great detail. I just want to help people think because I think so many of us struggle to. To let go during sex and to be ourselves.

I think as a younger. I agree with you. As a younger woman, I was more worried about my body than I am now. And let me tell you, everything's fallen at 55. It's not the same. But he doesn't care. His has changed, too. So we're at. We're at the same stage. We don't look like we did at 20, 30, 40. We're, you know, creeping up to 60. But I mean, it's. We're both, you know, we've grown together, and I had a friend with them. I'm gonna leave you with this thought. She's a little bit heavier and she said, you know what, Let me tell you something. She's older and very seasoned. Because I tell you what, when you're the only woman in the room, he don't care what your body looks like. Like, and I've never forgotten that. So.

Well, I think it's true. I think I feel the same. We worry so much as women. Everyone has. Everyone kind of has. Has concerns, but we think, I always say, if they're in the room with you and you're naked and you're together, they're not looking at your body judging you. Not never as harsh as we judge ourselves. So what a great message to hear and to. Because I believe it and then I believe that we're not. If we're not worried that someone's judging us, then we can be truly in our bodies and have that confidence. And then that's just a muscle that we build, you know, over time. Like you, I'm confident in the bedroom. I know what's going to happen. I don't really care if you're judging my, you know, you don't even think about those things anymore. You let them go. Yeah, right. That's right. Love it. Thanks for calling, Elizabeth.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review. Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner, you can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email, so sign up at sex with emily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-talksex. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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