Up Your Oral Game

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Cause my man E here, he just.

Got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards. Oh my. Do women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry?

It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, feels so good. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, you can check out our website, sexwithemily.com, all the great blogs and posts and things we have up there to help you better sex. You can also comment subscribe on itunes. We love when you do that and it helps the podcast. You can also check out the podcast on Spotify, Google Play, iHeartRadio, everywhere podcasts are. You can check them out also. Also. Also, you guys, have you listened to this Sirius XM radio show yet? I've been doing it now for a few weeks. It's very exciting. I love it. I'm doing it Monday through Friday, so a daily show, 5pm Pacific, 8 o' clock Eastern. And it's so great, you guys. Cause I get to reach so many more people helping you have better sex and relations. But now you can call in. So if you have serious or you want a free trial, you can check it on our website, sexwithemily.comsxm or you could probably just call in anytime during the week between 5 to 7pm Pacific. You can call 889-478277 and just ask your sex question. That's what I'm here for. Follow us exwithemily on all social media. Why? Because we give good posts, we give good stories, we give you guys good information. And you're already scrolling around everywhere. Right, Jamie? I'm here with producer Jamie.

Yes. It's a fun time.

It is a fun time.

It's come a long way. I really am liking where the Instagram is at, especially.

Yes. Yeah, me too. We try to make it more useful to you, but entertaining also and educational, informative. And I thought you were saying you're excited because the life here has come a long way since we became serious.

Yeah, I mean, that too is fun. Yeah. I mean, the whole.

It's all exciting.

Yeah, it's really been great. Like being able to hear you really connect with so many people because you're really. It's like, of course with the podcast, we know we do this because we love all of you and we want all of you to, you know, have the best sex relationship you can. But like hearing Emily live on the radio, you can really. You really can hear it.

Yeah. The connection that the people. I love talking to him. I'm like in the moment then, like. Because right now, today we're gonna be answering your emails, which we will always do. That you guys podcast isn't going anywhere, but when I get to talk to you, then we can really get into it. Break it down in just a few minutes. So check that out. But right now, we'll do a little sex in the news, then I'm gonna answer your questions. So I thought this would be interesting for you guys. Couples talk about what they argue about most. My first thing I was like, well, sex and money. What else is there to know? That's what they argue about most. You know, you might be comfortable, even maybe slightly more comfortable talking about sex than money. And actually, this was actually in Business Insider, so, you know, we're all gonna disagree on that is true. And there's often reoccurring fights that happen all the time, and they repeat and they repeat on a loop. Typically when that happens, you guys, I tell you, I think sometimes you just need to get therapy. You need to work on it. If you guys find that you're having the same fights over and over again and there's been no headway, I say find a therapist to help you work it out. Just like you might find a business coach. Business coach at work to help you settle things, you know, to help you figure out problems in the workplace. I don't understand why relationships help to, like, people are still like, oh, that's not for us. Therapy. I think it should be as like going to the dentist. Like, you need to go to therapy.

Yeah. If I have someone like a third party being like, this is what's happening, I'd be like, thank you. Even if I was wrong. So I'd be like, okay, well, I didn't see that before. And I just thought my partner was just trying to, like, neg me or whatever.

Yeah.

But this third party is telling me that I might be wrong or they might be. You know, it just. I think it just helps to have.

A neutral person continued learning, too. And you learn about a lot about yourself. And I think therapy is the kind of thing that, yeah, you know, you go in and out of a lifetime. I just started again, too. I was in therapy for, like, 15 years, and I just thought, you know, I stopped for, like, five, six years. I'm like, I got some stuff to work on. So I'm being open with you all. I think you might need it. But this is not about that. In this moment, we are talking about some of the things. So money, okay, you guys, money can be harder than sex. It's a huge thing in relationship like, who pays for what? It can be super stressful, especially if you're sharing finances. And it's funny cause I talk to my mom about this a lot because she's actually a financial planner. And it's just interesting how. And she's been doing it for like 40 years. But, you know, to help. This has changed. But she found a lot that women were more uncomfortable talking about it than they were. Like, oh, my partner has it. This might see has changed now with more gender equality. But there was a lot of women who were like. Or their husbands would die. And they're like, I don't know where the money is. I don't really get it. So there's one part of it about just you and your partner, whoever is in charge of the money, make sure that you both understand that you both meet with the financial planner, you both understand how you deal with money too. Because it also has a lot to do with how you were raised. Like, what kind of environment. Like, if you have a partner who's cheap, they might not even know they're cheap. But if their parents were withholding or were a little cheap around things, like, that's how they're gonna be. So, you know, it can be stressful, but it's definitely something to work on in a relationship. Figure out the money things, you guys, because that doesn't get any better either. It's like sex. If you don't deal with it, it's just gonna get worse. Same with money. You start resenting your partner for spending or over not spending enough or overspending.

Yeah, I always wonder about that. And like. Because I. You know, when you're in a partnership and you're married or you're together and you're sharing finances, I think it's totally cool if you have one person that works and one person that doesn't. I think that's, you know, if that's what you want to do, that's great. But I also just always wonder, like, would that person always hold over you? Like, the expenses? Like, as far as, like, what you're spending, what you're doing? So I feel like it's such a great thing to talk about so that you don't have that right.

Because, yeah, you probably interpret things. You're like, oh, they probably resent that I'm staying home, or they're the breadwinner, for example. Like, they probably resent it so I feel guilty. Or maybe they actually are making you feel guilty and you just gotta have it out. Because money can be charged in that way, like, even if a partner says, yes, I'll pay for everything. But there could be resentments after a while. So it's the kind of thing that you might not even realize is going on as a dynamic. And when you think about it, you might go, oh, it's that money thing again. So, you know, I'm feeling not taken care of, or I'm feeling guilty for going to Target twice this week. You know, I hear this, my friends all the time. I had to hide the packages. It's like, no, just talk about it. Like, they buy shit and they return. They have to hide it. Okay. The other thing is housework. That's a big one. I think that there are many assumptions. Who's gonna do what in a relationship. Have this example in here about one person may always take out the trash, and the other one might not really think about it, but. But talk about it so you don't resent. Like, I might not notice that my partner's doing all these things. And they'd be like, every day I empty the dishwasher and I take out the trash and I clean up your messy stuff. And, yeah, I'm busy. I might not notice that's happening. God, I wish I had a partner doing that. But, yeah, you gotta realize that it could be. There's ways to help. So you're both taking on some of the housework, and you're both. And if there's resentments actually around that too.

Yeah.

And this can easily be fixed. I think a lot of it is that people are oblivious. They're like, I'm busy working all the time. Or, I didn't know you did all of that. It's kind of like in the workplace, not here, but in many environments. You're like, everyone's all about what they do, and the different departments don't talk to each other. So I think that can happen in a relationship. You're like, I can't believe he doesn't know that I'm emptying the dishwasher, making dinner, taking out the trash, picking up the kids. I just hear this with my friends who are not working. Like, how does he not know? And then you know that their husbands are going, I work all day. I'm making all the money. And it's just these stuff that's a very, like, stereotypical thing. But that happens in relationships. So again, it could be little things with housework that you can both share. Don't assume that it's okay. Like, don't assume that you're both in your Right. Silos. Doing the right things. You might need to share.

Yeah, I mean, I think that goes the same, too. Like, you have roommates.

I know you have all your roommates now. How's that going?

No, it's good.

Do you have a work wheel?

We don't. I mean, right now we're doing all right because everyone kind of cleans up their own messes. And then, like, sometimes, too. Like, for example, like, if there are dishes in the sink and I'm already doing things, some of my dishes, I'm not gonna be like, I'm not gonna leave those dishes for them to do. Like, I'll do that. And, like, I feel like I do take out the trash a lot. Which is funny. Cause when I lived at home, I never took the trash out. Because that's just like someone. Cause I think that's what it is. It's like when someone else just always does it. You never think in your mind, I need to take the trash out.

Right. And they might be resentingly, begrudgingly carrying the trash down the stairs.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, it smells bad and I have to go into the stinky garbage room. Right. But it's like, if you never brought that up, it's literally like, out of sight, out of mind.

Right, exactly. So these are the way to do this would be not. You always have. You never take out the trash. And I'm doing it all the time. It's like, let's talk about all the stuff that goes into the house. Like, I'm giving an example. Like, just so you know, babe, I take out the trash every week. I empty the dishwasher three times. I pick the kids up. I do all these things. And I want you to know that it would be great to have some support around some of these tasks. Are there any of them that you could help with? I thought it might be easy if you did the dishwasher on Tuesdays. I mean, it could be easier than the blaming and getting upset that it's happening. Right? Okay. So politics. This is a big one to you guys. If you don't see eye to eye in politics, I guess it's just the best to avoid bringing it up. It says if you avoid damaging the relationship, but I don't think you can avoid it. How can you avoid it in this day and age, bringing it up? Unless you're not that active in politics and you just go out about your life.

Yeah.

If you have different ideologies, I'm just not sure that I could live with someone but these are just the big things people argue about being on the phone. This is just getting worse and worse every day. I think I hear this so much. We're addicted to our phones. Addicted. And it's a never ending battle. Are you more into me or your phone? You know, and I think that a lot of it is being placed on the kids right now. Like I think the top trending story in the New York Times for like the last two months has been this one about limiting your kids use of technology. But the parents are doing it just as much. It's just as much a problem. So you know, even in your relationship now, I think it becomes a thing like let's go out to dinner and leave our phones in the car. Let's go on a hike and not take our phones with us. Let's leave our phones outside the bedroom. Still working on that. They also fight about the love languages. I think that's something that you need to address. I we were just saying this that before you get into a relationship or early stages, figure out let your partner know what your love languages are. What are the acts or the things that make you feel love again? Quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch. We often give love the way we want to receive it. But if we give love in the way our partner needs it, it's going to be a lot more effective and cause a lot less stress. And there's a great test that you can take. If you don't know what your love language is, Google it. I feel like it's becoming more and more common.

Yeah, I've been hearing more people like, oh yeah, I know that. But then it's interesting that people will know what their love languages are and what their partner's love languages are. But then they're still having trouble like giving that way or receiving. And I guess it's probably because it's like, like you always say you're always like you can't have this conversation once.

Right. You gotta keep talking about, remember babe, I said I like gifts. Doesn't have to be a major gift. It could just be if you're at the store, for example.

Yeah.

And you hear me say that I want something. Like it can be a practice because if I'm not a gift person, let's say, and my partner's a gift, like I'm not a gift person. Like I don't people me gifts all the time. I appreciate it, but I'm not, like I don't feel more love that way. But If I was with someone, that's a tough one for me. Just because I'm not often shopping. And you gotta be. But if your partner wants that, then listen to what they're saying. Like, oh, God, I wish I had a new one of those. I wish I had fresh flowers. Everybody could feel great. Well, if you know that, then bring them home flowers. Like, that's a gift. So you have to make the efforts to fail their love languages, which is always easy.

Yeah. And I mean, it's interesting too. Cause some people be like, oh, gifts. But it's like, no. Like, it doesn't. Like you said it could be flowers. It could be. Even if you just go to the grocery store and you're like in line, you're like, oh, that's their favorite candy. I'm gonna bring them home Milk Duds.

That's what I see. Yeah, that's exactly it. What I try to even work on with Ben, even though it's not my language. I'll be like, you bought food. And you know that I was hungry. So sometimes I'm like, do you look at me when you're at the store, know that I love this chocolate?

If you're. If you're buying food and you come to me and I don't have any food, it's like, not good.

I know this happens sometimes. We've had to have these talks. I'm like, what part of you thinks I am that hungry?

I'm just gonna watch you eat. Yeah, exactly.

That's cool. Go ahead. Sex drives you guys. We know this is a big one. Couples who rarely. Couples rarely have the same sex drive. I was actually thinking about this. People want to know what's normal? Like, what's. What Am I normal? Am I normal? What is the most. The most normal and sexual thing is that you're not going to have the same sex drive. Like, it's normal that you're. You won't match up. Like, that is more typical than couples who have the same exact sex drive. So typically, the person who wants more sex feels neglected. The person who wants less sex feel they have to perform all the time in the relationship, which leads, you know, So I think you got to compromise schedule sex.

So what. I mean, I guess this would be a bigger question, but what if, you know, like, there's a person, for example, wants to have sex every day, they live with their partner, so that's more feasible. And then the other person was like, I mean, not like once. Like, you know, it's like sometimes. Do you ever feel like someone's still not going to be fulfilled in some way.

There's some still, like, I'll never be. Yeah, exactly. So there's the compromise element. But if you still feel like, okay, I wanted it every day, my partner wants it once a week. We've compromised now to three times a week. That's still not enough? Is that what you're asking? It could still.

Yeah, I mean, I guess you could just. Like there's other. There's like maybe like other ways that you can be intimate without sex that.

Could help you both. Or like, exactly. Like, you could say, okay, we want. I have intercourse. But I think people just. This is something we try to serve up to people as advice that, like, it doesn't have to be just intercourse. That can be even exhausting sometimes. It could just be like making out, foreplay, intimacy, massage. So figure out what works. Then if you realize that it's just never going to be enough for you, means having, not, not being able to improve your sex life after really working on it can be a deal breaker. You guys don't want the same things. Okay, guys, let's go to the last one here. Cause I am all for kissing. Why you should spend time kissing before sex. Yes, kissing goes away in relationships. I remember when I first read this, like, when I started the show a long time ago. I was like, it's not just me. Like, why does the kissing always go away? I'm like, yes, everybody has that. And it's so simple. Like, kissing is the first thing we learn about your first kiss. It's your first foray into sex. But it's the most romanticized and important. But we forget about it. We get swept up in things and we forget to kiss. So I think it's needed. And here's why. Kissing, you guys, it establishes intimacy. It's not, you know, it might not seem like the foreplay, but it actually is. It's the first step towards sex. And, you know, if you're into having sex in that way. And for a lot of women, and I think it's true for men, too, it was a study about women and orgasms that said kissing, oral sex. And I always forget the third one, it was like.

And it was a.

Fingers.

Yeah, fingers.

Fingers are the three things that women like. That's what's gonna get it there, Kissing. So just remember that. But kissing, that. It helps women with orgasm. But it also, you guys, it does. It establishes intimacy. It brings you closer together, reminds you of why you're connected. And, you know, just saying I love you with your lips and your tongues and like, being that, you know, it's just. It's really. I don't know, like, even with my partner, when we're having a rough few weeks and like, oh, we haven't kissed and then we do. And there's just something about the kiss. Bring back the kiss.

Yeah. And I think it's not even just like the kiss itself. It's like making out really goes away. Because a lot of couples will peck.

Yeah.

Here and there.

I don't mean the have a good day, babe. I mean the making out.

Like, you need like, it's like even. Yeah. Passion. Passionate kissing.

So hot. It is.

It makes any sex that much better.

Yeah.

And then also too, if you're one of those people who are like, ah, we're just looking at each other. It's getting awkward. Or like, you don't know what to say. Like, dirty talk. Just kiss each other and you don't have to say anything.

Kissing also releases all those feel good chemicals. It really does. All those, those. The oxytocin is literally flooding your system. We call it the nature's love hormone. It's what makes you attached to your partner. And it's feels so good, you guys. I mean, it's connective. It perpetuates that bond you have with your partner. It can reintroduce those sparks you have in the beginning. You can do it when you're sitting on the couch watching Netflix. You can do it when you know your partner comes home from work or when you come home from work. You could do it whenever you want. Just grab a kiss. And your partner might need. So I do this sometimes. Like, Ben will want to kiss and I'll be like, rushing. And then he'll be like, no, let's kiss. And I'm like, ah. And it stops everything. It's one of those things that really brings you back into the moment. You realize that wasn't so hard. That was a few seconds. And now we are connected. I like it. Kissing you guys also fuels that desire. It's about reminding your partner also that they are sexy and desired. Like, I feel like when you don't kiss anymore, it's kind of like you can't really place it, but you're like, I know we're having sex. I know we're going through the motions, but it feels different than the beginning. And it can simply be because the kissing is like, the slow kissing is what takes you back to those. Those early days, the passion and the earlier times. It Makes you feel sexy and wanted and desired and vice versa.

I, like, I kiss my partner a lot. Like, I just. It's to me, like, kissing is just like, I don't really care about hand holding that much. You know, I do like a good back rubber here and there. But, like, kissing, to me, it's like I will kiss my partner all the time. Like, I.

Does he kiss back?

Yeah, definitely. We. That's the one thing, like, in this relationship that I'm in right now that's been always very good and constant is like, we will just make out. And it's been over. You know, it's been over a year and we still just have those sessions where we just make out or we just kiss. I think I initiate the kissing a whole lot more. But I'm also like, I've decided that I'm okay with that, right?

Yeah, exactly. As long as you're okay with it. That's awesome. And as long as he's into it. Yeah, he's not like, no more kissing today. But I actually am realizing now I actually can't wait to kiss Ben now. This is actually reminding me that I actually probably have to do it more as well. Even though we're doing. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, it really does. Because when we do stop and kiss, it's just been so busy lately. I'm like, I really love it. And I'm gonna. He initiates more kissing than I do, too. Being honest, I'm gonna bring it over the holidays. All right, guys, so I'm inspired. I hope you're inspired too. Jamie's kissing inspired me. All right, guys, we are going to take a quick break. We come back. I want to answer your emails.

All right, guys, I am back and I love answering your questions. So if you want a question answer on the show, go to my website, sexwithemily.com Click the Ask Emily tab. Fill out the short form. Check yes if you'd like to be called or email feedbackexwithelmi.com as always, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay. This is from Michelle, 19, in Texas. Hey, Emily. So I'm about to be a sophomore in college at a public university for the first time. I previously attended a community college, so I'm about to get the real college experience. There's this guy who's been in my life for a while who I'm crazy about, and he feels the same way. He lives in another state, and we aren't sure if or when we would like to live by each other. But he has talked to me about moving down here. I definitely see myself loving him, but I'm not sure if I'd be missing out on all the college hookups. I just don't know if I should be taking my time with him to eventually date or just live my college girl life and have sex with all the guys I want. Love you and your show so much. Oh, thanks, Michelle. I love you too. And I love this question because 19 years old. Okay, here's the thing. I get that you're going to college. You really like this guy. He's been in your life for a while, but I'm not sure you got to totally commit to him and be monogamous. I think that you should figure out what feels right to you. But I actually do believe that. And speaking from someone who did this, I had a long distance boyfriend my freshman and halfway through my sophomore year at college. And he was a great guy. But I have to say I wish that I didn't do that because being in college is like a once in a lifetime experience where you, you really, you make your friends for life. It's the first time you've been away from home. You're meeting all these new people and experiences. It's not just about the guy. So something about having this, like every weekend I was leaving and going to his college or he was coming here. And I think I might have missed out on really having some enriching experiences with people that were with me every day in the college campus, in the college environment. So I get that you love him. I also understand it's like one of your first loves. You're 19 years old, all that. So. But I think, I'm not saying you need to kick them to the curb, but I think you could just be really honest with them. And I don't think that you can predict how you're going to feel, but you could say that you want to keep in contact, but you should both probably do your own things while you're away. All right. This is Sarah, 21, California. Hey, Emily. I've been dating my boyfriend for two years and we love each other so much. He was raised poor and doesn't have great teeth along with his parents. He also doesn't take great care of his teeth. And I hate bringing it up to him because I know it embarrasses. However. Because I know it embarrasses him. However, I'm not very fond of making out with him because I don't know the last time he brushed his teeth. I'm in the medical field, so I'm very anal about these things. I need a way to bring this up to him without embarrassing him, because I can imagine how unpleasant it would be to hear this from your significant other. And I think it's a sensitive subject for him as he hardly ever smiles with teeth. But I want him to have a beautiful smile. Thanks so much, Sarah. Here's the thing with this. I totally understand that we all err on the side of, or a lot of us be like, I don't want to hurt my partner. I'd rather say anything at all. But you're absolutely right. This is actually really important. If we don't take care of our teeth and we get gum issues, I mean, you can have a lot more serious, serious issues. So I think you just have to let them know. Like, I noticed that you don't brush your teeth. And I just wanna let you know that, you know, I've always had this thing in my head. I've learned it, I've known it since I was a kid. Like, brushing your teeth every day is important. And so maybe if you're sleeping over his house or he's at your house, you could even say, I got you a toothbrush and let me show you what I learned about flossing. And that you, you know, that you just think it's important. And if he's embarrassed, I get it, but you can just let him know that he's. That you love him very much and that he never, you know, the fact that he never learned that just means that you can actually help him with a life skill, like a really important life skill that he just didn't know about. So you sound like a very caring, loving person. And so I think the way you present it is gonna be that as well. So you don't have to worry about that, Sarah. All right, this is from Pedro. He's 29 in Texas. Hey, Emily. I just recently began listening to your podcast and I'm loving it. My wife and I will be celebrating our one year marriage anniversary December 2nd. We dated for six years before I popped the question. We lost our virginity to each other while we were dating in the span of being sexually active for so long, I've been wanting to take our sex life to the next level by not wearing a condom. I feel like I've done everything to listen to her feelings, cater to her needs, but ultimately her only response is that she does not want to get pregnant, which neither of us want kids right now. However, she's on birth control pill. She owns her own business, and she fears if she gets pregnant, her dreams will come crashing down. And I don't want to destroy what she's trying to build, but I want her sex life to move to the next level. She's contemplated not using a condom for one year, but based on her history, I think she's going to back out. Is this a lost cause? Should I give up on not using a condom? Am I being selfish? All right, Pedro, here's the thing. If she's on the birth control pill and she's taking it regularly, then getting pregnant should not be an issue. You actually don't need to use the condom. I mean, if the birth control, when taken by direction, is like 98 to 98, 9% effective. So, you know, condoms are mostly. If you guys are monogamous, really, the condoms are just helping, you know, prevent STIs or STDs. But if, again, if you're monogamous, not cheating, you're not gonna have a problem. So I'm wondering, does she come from an extra religious background? Was there anything in her past or did she get pregnant in the past and she just has a huge fear about it? Because, really, because when you are taking the pill, this is something that. Especially in a married. You know, you guys are married, you're together, it shouldn't have to be a thing in the relationship. So I don't see his condom being the next level. When I read this, I thought you were talking about, like a threesome or something. Before I got into it, I'm like, oh, the condom's the next level thing. Because that should really be something that when you're married, it's kind of a bonus, like, you don't have to use a condom if someone's on the pill. You could try skin condoms, literally, everybody. If she doesn't want you to give up the condom yet, which hopefully she's gonna be cool about it. But skin condoms, everyone I've ever told them about, thank me because they feel amazing. They don't feel like regular condoms. They don't. They don't. They kind of feel like the real thing. They're non latex, they help warm up your body temperature, and they're really thin. So I would again, just ask her, besides getting pregnant, is there anything else going on with her? Because really, she's on the. Again, she's on the pill. It should all be fine. So thank you, Pedro. This is from Beth, 22, in Alabama. Dear Emily, I've told My boyfriend a few times. That sex seems very one sided sometimes since he orgasms every time. And I've had maybe three orgasms, all via oral since we've been dating almost five months. I asked him if he could work on it, offered suggestions, and so far it's only seemed to accomplish making him feel less accomplished, making him feel inadequate and making him perform oral on me less. A few nights ago I was on my period and I didn't want to have sex. We asked for a blowjob. I agreed and afterward I mentioned that he's never just gone down to me for my pleasure before. He acted indignant and proceeded to tell me that he's gone down on me even when my vagina smells bad and he didn't want to. Whoa. He's never said anything about it before. I had no idea. But I always try to make sure I'm fresh down there before sex. Now I feel very self conscious about it. Can't get into sex at all. He still hasn't offered oral lately and I wonder if it's because he thinks my vagina spells. I can't bring myself to ask him either because he specifically told me he didn't want to. Thanks so much, Beth. I am disturbed several times reading this. There are several things in here. So it sounds to me like he felt hurt by your allegations that he wasn't going down on you and that he wasn't making you perform. And so maybe he just said that about the odor, which either way is not cool. It's also not great to have, like I always say, having these conversations right after sex. Like if you gave him a blowjob and you're like, okay, now it's my turn. Just best to have them in a neutral environment where we're not all charged up and we all just had orgasms or didn't have orgasms because it's just again outside the bedroom. But I would just again take this outside the bedroom and say to them like we need to talk about this. Because if you really feel that when you said that thing about my odor, I keep thinking about that and I need to know, is that really a problem? Because I feel like I'm clean and I showered, I take care of myself. So. So is that a real concern of yours? Let's talk about it and let him know also that how much how it feels to you when he goes down on you, that it's actually like, you know, a requirement. Like I always say, like I've ended relationships cause I wasn't getting enough Oral sex. And I think that he has to understand that now. He might be. You know, you guys are still learning. Remember, you're 22 years old. I'm assuming he's about your age. And I have to say, you guys, it's not that you're. I'm saying, oh, you guys are so young. You can't know. You literally haven't had enough experience in relationships. Great lovers not born, they are made. We have to mold each other into better lovers. So you gotta be honest with them and just say, that didn't make me feel great. I really do require more oral sex. And what's the deal? You know? Let me know about the hygiene thing. Because here's the other thing, though. This is a side note. Maybe you might have an infection, because if there is an odor that is not like a normal odor, because we all have vaginal odors that are fine as part of our natural phone. But if it's an odor that's, like, shifted since you guys have been together, because maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis, for example. It's something that a lot of women can have. Many women can have an infection and they don't know it. So we actually don't know. So maybe there is something. But I think you got to get more information. But I'm not loving some of the things he's saying. I don't like that he lashed out and he was negative. So these are gonna have to be some conversations, and then you're gonna see if you're not getting your needs met sexually. And he's being abusive by saying, these terrible things might not be right for you. This is from Steve, 27, in New York. Hey, Emily, I hope you're doing great. I've always been really turned on by the idea of anal play, especially receiving. I am a heterosexual male. My wife is very much the opposite and has expressed an open dislike for that kind of activity. Recently, though, she's offered this type of stimulation as a birthday gift, which sounds quite odd as I type, which is coming up. While very excited. I'm rather nervous never having actually had this experience. I was wondering what kind of preparation, if any, should be taken and if there are any general tips that may be available. Kindest regards. So here's the thing about anal play. I don't know if you've ever had any of it, but it's great to experiment a little bit on your own if you want to see what it would feel like or she would be stimulating you, maybe, you know, use some lube. Definitely use lube, but go slow. Maybe she uses her finger. She can kind of tease you outside of the anus, circling, you know, the sphincter muscles, maybe slipping just a little pinky inside or a finger to get used to the sensation. And so if she wants to find your prostate, that's a whole nother exercise. And it's kind of like how you find the G spot. She puts her finger in and she uses like a come hither motion going towards your belly button to find your prostate. And so that's how she would find it. She can circular perineum to indirectly stimulate the prostate. And you have to check in with her and let her know everything is feeling for you. So it's kind of. Here's the thing about anal. I know it's like someone's giving and receiving, but really it's you guys are communicating the whole time. And I would suggest that you do experiment maybe with a prostate stimulator while having sex with your wife or using a butt plug so you can just get used to the sensation. Because if she's kind of weird, worried about the whole, like, she's giving it to you, like, I'm not sure if you're interested in pegging, like if she's gonna get a strap on and put a dildo on or if you just want some, you know, stimulation out there, I think it's just great for you on your own. You can try Narrows. And Narrows has a trident line of toys for men for the prostate, which are great, or some butt plugs or just play with it. So again, she might really be into it, into seeing you have pleasure. But if you can provide some props for her to help her so she's not the only one in charge of your anal, that would be my best bet here. So happy birthday to you and I hope all your anal dreams come true. So thanks, Steve, for writing and thank you everybody for emailing and supporting the show. And I love you all. So thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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