Virgins, Cuckolds, and Unicorns

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them, in a bygone day.

Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Cuz my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

A girl's gotta have her standard O.

Why do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry? It shrinks.

Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, I feel so good.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can easily subscribe to the podcast. And you know what? You know what happens when you subscribe, right? Well, it helps us when you subscribe, but it helps you too, because if you listen to podcasts. Magnus, you taught me this. Yes. If you listen to podcasts. Have you really been listening to a podcast? And you go back and it goes back to the beginning. Well, if you subscribe, it'll keep your neat little place. Minute 17, whatever, 28. And you go right back to it. It's great. So we love that. And you can also follow us on Snapchat. We're snapping away now. During the show, Twitter and Instagram, it's all sexwithemily. And facebook.com with. With/. Sex with Emily. Facebook.com sex with Emily, where we hit a million. Over a million followers.

And we promise, we promise that Facebook Live.

Facebook Live. So if you want to know about Facebook Live, also sign up for our mailing list because we've got killer. Like, I send you one email a week. Everyone loves it. And we give you like we tell you. We kind of wrap up the Sex with Emily week because we do a lot of videos. You guys check out our YouTube page. We're always trying to educate you. However we can get entertain you and educate you. So we've got blogs going up every day, fun stuff like that. And okay, we're end of August. Hey, Menace, you know what September is?

What?

Well, for a lot of people, it's back to school. Right? Back to school. You get your office Supplies, all that. But this month at Sex with Emily, we're taking you back to Sexual Confidence Month. We're going to help you get that sexual confidence that you need, that you've been wanting.

And if you're talking to ladies or fellas, everyone, really don't.

You men do listen to the emails that come in. We've all got sexual insecurities. We've all got places where we. You know, a lot of times you can feel really calm. Other times you're like, God, I gained a few pounds. Or maybe that was a really bad blow job I gave. Or maybe she didn't like me and wants me to do more in the bedroom. We hear from people all the time who are lacking confidence. And we know confidence is a huge part of success in life. But when it comes to confidence in the bedroom, that's what we're gonna help you this month. And we're doing a ton of giveaways. Cause I know you want some fun products and toys so you can have better sex. We'll kick it off in September. Back to your self confidence. The rest of the year, you're just gonna kill it.

All right, good.

All right. How are you doing, Menace?

I'm great. I have a new dog, Jimmy, Chimmy and Churro. Yeah. My two little French bulldogs. My two little babies.

Yeah, you're all grown up.

Yeah, it's great. No, everything's good. And then the. The Woody show is doing great. We can't wait to have you back on.

That was a blast.

We're about to launch in a couple other cities right now.

That's exciting.

We're like days away from that.

That's really exciting. Like syndication. Yeah. Wow.

Dude, it's crazy.

Big time.

I can't believe it.

I love it.

Yeah. Do you like her billboard?

I love when she's like, you'll hate it. What's that one?

You probably hate it.

Yeah. That's such a brilliant billboard. It says, what do you show? You'll probably hate it.

Yeah, we have that one now. Sucks 40% less.

Right?

And then we have ones that has like, emojis, whereas. And it's like a bull. And then the. The pooh emoji. So other boring bull. Ish.

Oh, I get it.

Get it.

No, but now I do. I'm glad I'm driving too fast to get it. But yeah, check it out. It's that, you guys, they can scream it, stream it wherever they're at, right?

Yeah. IHeartRadio app. Monday through Friday on the West Coast, 6 to 10am and then we podcast every single day for 24 hours at noon. You're very concerned about that. It sucks. Because actually, you know what? I'm gonna give you the audio. So will you.

Can I promote that one?

So you can. You can put it on your podcast?

Producer Madison. We want it.

We want it because the Wish show, we only put up our podcast for 24 hours.

At noon every day. And then they're gone.

Goes away. Okay, so you'll send it.

So I'm gonna send you the one where you were on the show.

It was really fun. You guys should take a listen to it. We'll add that to our feed. Can we do that podcast and ours?

Yeah, it's fine.

Oh, there you go.

We'll do that stuff.

I love it. Help us help you. Help all of us. I love it. Okay. And also, I've got a friend here, Stacy.

Stacy in the building.

We've been friends since high school, but really became great friends in San Francisco when you moved there. And we. She's visiting me. She just came in for the weekend and she's just hanging.

I know she's already enjoying the heat that we have here.

I know she's like, oh, my God, it's hot. Yeah.

Well, coming from San Francisco and it's.

Freezing all the time, so feel free to jump in because I know you've got a lot of advice. She's been one of my. My rocks in my life.

I don't know what you guys going to do all weekend.

That's what I.

We love for, like, spontaneous.

Yeah. Everyone's like, what? You plan? What are you doing? I'm like, we don't plan.

You're just going to get on Bumble and then see what happens.

Right? Well, I'm. I'm going to. I don't know what we're going to do this weekend.

You're gonna get on Bumble and go crazy.

I like Bumble.

I've been hearing lately a lot of Bumble talk, and I totally support it because I like the way the system works, because I know guys suck. I'm one of them. And they're gross. And I like how the system is where the woman reaches out.

Yeah, the woman reaches out.

So when they're interested. And I think that. I think that's great because with guys, you never. Because we can't read signs. We talk about it. We've been talking about it for years. And it's great to know that a woman is actually interested. That, like, saves so much time.

I know. And I Felt that pressure. So, Stacy, do you know about it? Do you know about how bumble. It's just like Tinder where you met. You have to both like each other, but the first message has to come from the woman, and you've 24 hours to send it. So then I'm like, reading their profile, trying to be funny. Like, I made, like, a Michigan Spartans joke. Like, some guy went to Michigan State, and I'm like, I'm a Wolverine. Hopefully that doesn't matter. Like, I care about sports. But I was like, oh, I have to show that I. Because I was like, well, how do I do this? Because I really have never sent the.

First message to anybody because it's always the guy.

And I'm like, wait, back up, Emily. You give advice for the last 10 years to everyone. You know about dating online? I do. I can do this. So then I was. I think I sent some funny little quips to guys, but I was like, hey, so we matched. Yeah. So I found a few cute guys, but, yeah.

And last time we talked about it, there was one that didn't message you back. And how did that feel?

It went away.

You get 20 feel. Because that's usually how the demand feels.

I know, right? It felt like, well, maybe. You know what I thought? I'm like, well, he probably wasn't on that day. Yeah.

You made excuses.

He's probably in a hospital. Dent. Yeah.

Yeah. Because how can he not?

It's like when you get text back, you're like, he must be dying. Yeah. Because there's no way he didn't text me back.

I know.

Oh, my God. Stacy and I spent a lot of time texting and exchanging text. When texting. I guess everyone's always been texting, but, you know, you have a few cocktails and sometimes you just. We'd have to take each other's phones, and then there'd be times where I did not want to text a guy. I'm like, don't let me text him. And I go to the bathroom. I'm like, I texted him. She's like, what'd you do?

Terrible.

It's the worst, man, when you don't want to text someone. But those days are gone. I'm just gonna swipe people. We're gonna love them all weekend. It'll be fun.

So cool. Well, welcome.

Thank you.

Have some fun.

We're gonna get back to our sexual confidence.

We're gonna start it this weekend, go to Malibu. I saw you in Malibu.

Yeah, I went to. I went to Malibu. It was really Fun. I went to party in Malibu and it was really pretty. It's so I would get there and I'm like, why don't I go to the beach? Do you go to the beach?

I do. There's a. There's a. There's a place, I think it's called Paradise Cove in Malibu. It's pretty cool.

It's nice.

Has a little private beach and stuff like that. You can have some. Some good drinks. I like that a lot.

Yeah. You like the drinks on the beach?

Yeah.

Who doesn't?

Good times.

I think we should do.

The water is very clear in Malibu.

It's lovely here in California. Okay, so that's what we'll do. It'll be fun. And now we have a little bit sex in the news.

Yes.

Okay. Oh, also very exciting. We'll be reading your emails, but this show, we also have some voicemails. So we're going to tell you a little about that in a minute. How you can leave a voicemail, but all the information is on our site. So not only emails or voicemails. What?

Go to sexellmd.com click on Ask Emily.

Click on it. Okay. Sex in the news. Here's what's the perfect. Here's what the perfect threesome looks like according to science. Cause I know you all like threesome news. We've all fantasized about having threesome. Or a lot of people have. Be it with your girlfriend or her best friend or your best friend or two ram chicks from the bar, your brother's ex wife, new husband, whatever it is, whatever combo you fantasize about. But there's a new study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that men and women have a very different idea about what constitutes an ideal threesome. So odds are your girlfriend might not be on the same page as you. No surprise that guys are really into threesomes. I did not have to conduct this study. Not have to conduct it, so.

But would you please tell me somebody got paid a lot of money to do that study?

Probably did. Can you just. Guys give me money. I would do real research. Okay, do it. The data show that a lot of people just really aren't into threesomes. But the people who did express interest in doing with two people at the same time were mostly men and they were really enthusiastic about it. I know this is a study, but it seems that neither men nor women were interested in an MMF threesome. Male, male, female. But we're super. Men are super into the female. Female, male threesome.

What?

Dude, they spent money on this information that you're sharing with Village.

Blowing my mind right now. I can't believe it.

And men and women both said they'd prefer to know the people they have a threesome with, but women said they don't care so much who the third person is. So as long as the person joining was a unicorn, you know, as is, you know, a woman who's not attached. But really, it was in Canada. I just want to mention that. And Canadians are so nice. So can we really base a study on Canadians? Study. They're nice people. They're like, I don't want to rock the boat.

Love Canadians.

But there's no shock here. Men want threesomes. I just thought that would just open up.

Threesome, dude, you just blew my mind.

Like, when Stacy and I have threesome.

I don't even know how I'm gonna sleep at night.

What? I know. Well, dude, people are having it. People, you know, the sex is kind of slow in the summer.

Yeah, no, in the sex sales.

It's like sex toys, business slow.

Everyone's on vacation out having. Having sex. But they're not like at home on the Internet talking about it. They're out there doing it.

Because, you know, nice outside. But I'm not having as much sex as summer. The driest summer I've ever had. But this is what is going on with you. It's kind of purposeful. I'm not really. I'm kind of doing a little bit of the Bumble and Tinder stuff, but I'm just not.

Are you going out? Are you gonna be. Are you around people or.

Stacy and I are gonna go out this weekend.

Yeah, we're out.

Yeah, get drunk. We'll get. I'll drink with her. I don't get that drunk.

You don't drink.

I know, but I will try to. And honestly, just not top of mind right now. It's with nothing. I'm like, okay, sure, Yeah. I know it's weird. Usually there's like someone.

Caught up on somebody that you used to date. I think that's what's going on.

Could be.

That's exactly what's going on.

I'm not caught up.

Yep, that's what's going on. I feel it. I know it.

But that's. Huh. Whatever it is.

I think you've been in a situation that you've never been in before.

You know what's so funny? And now you know what's so funny.

It's got you all messed up. I know.

It knows. Menace knows.

I've known you for 10 years.

All it is. Yeah, yeah. It was an interesting scenario. I've never. Okay, so you know what's funny? When I was in San Francisco, there was a guy, a woman in my class, and her husband was like, listens to the show. He came one night to a dinner. He's like, okay, I listen to your show every day. He's like, but you're dating this guy, he's on the show, and then, boom, you never talk about again. Because that's not fair to your listeners. Like, we need to know what happened.

Yeah.

So here I am talking about it.

Are you gonna talk about it right now?

Sure. All right. I forgot that I told him that I would. So we were dating kind of off and on for like a year and a half. A little bit committed.

And honestly, you barely even told me about.

I haven't told you anything. I know, I know. And I really did like him. It was so. For me, what's different is that a lot of relationships I've been in, I think I wasn't really.

I really never been really committed.

No. I've always had one foot out the door. I mean, you've known me through.

You'd be six months in and you're already trying to get out.

Yes. Half. Half of them, yeah.

I'd say there might have been one other that you were.

I can't remember who.

Kind of committed.

Okay.

Anyways, I don't even know who it is. Let's talk about.

The point is, is that that is my thing. I get in the great guys and I'm really into them, like. But I don't know, I was kind of the grass always greener. And I think, okay, it probably has intimacy issues, commitment issues, all that you guys have been listening to show for a while. But I've been working a lot on myself, and I'm, you know, mature woman, and I'm, like, trying to figure out, like, what I want. But none of these guys I was dating was ever. They always seemed a little bit more like, who knows what it. At this point in life, I don't ever really think it's about the person you're dating. They did something wrong. Unless, of course, they were really abusive. It's just more that you're in different places and you want different things. So with the guys I was dating, how it always felt to me was that they always wanted a lot more for me than I could give because I was working all the time. I was building this business. I was supporting myself, trying to make it Work. And if they were like, you work too much. I'm like, this is over. Like, I gotta be working. I gotta be doing it now. People could also say that's just an excuse that was keeping yourself from a relationship. You know, who knows? But that was my real story. So now it's like. So when I was dating this guy, it was interesting because he also was very busy. Wasn't, like, typical needy guy I was dating, and I wasn't needy. And it was very, like, casual, and things were good. And then we, like, committed, and we were together. And I think it's. He kind of reminds me of myself, like, how I was maybe five years ago. Like, how he's not really sure. He might want kids. I don't want kids. So that was kind of a big factor. Like, I don't. I'm not having kids. I love kids. It's just my body never said to me, emily, you will have children. It's like, you will give birth to sex with Emily. Like, this will be your thing.

Yeah.

And so, you know, and I think that he's at the stage where he's just trying to figure himself out and what he wants. But we're still, like, close, and he still thinks, you know, wants to be friends, or we could maybe try it. But it was a lot of back and forth. And the reason why it felt very different to me is because I've never been. I. I'm not one of these women who, like, date bad boys or date relationships that are unstable. Like, we broke up, we got back together. We broke up. But that's exactly what happened with this. It wasn't unstable. It was just back.

Yeah.

Get back together. And I get why that's very intoxicating for some people because it's always exciting. But for me, it's just, like, I wanted something a little more, like, stable and, you know. But I think he's a wonderful person. And we just. I honestly think it's. That we're just in different places, but we have, like, a great love for each other. And there was no, like, mean, terrible breakup. It's just that we want different things.

Okay.

So this is.

This is just what I predict kind of happened.

Oh, God. Okay.

But it could be totally untrue.

So good.

From what you told me. So is he the one that kind of broke it off?

No, I. I ended up.

You broke it?

I broke it up, yeah.

Are you being completely honest?

100%.

Because you just told me that things that he wanted.

Right. And it wasn't working for Me. Well, but it wasn't even just. But then he was like, but I'm not sure if I want kids. But he's never been. I'm his first girlfriend. He's never been in. And it's, you know, in his late 30s. Never been in a relationship. Never been in love like this. Like, it was his first everything. So it was very. He had sex before, but I ended it because there was a lot of back and forth with him. Like, he was so into it, and then he would get, like, scared, and what if this and that. And he's in his head a lot. And I was like, I can't. This is not. This isn't fun.

I want to date myself.

Yeah, well, exactly. I said, this is like dating me. 5. So I have such compassion for him because I was like, it's how I was. But I'm not feeling that right now. So it was interesting to me to feel. To not feel that way and to see someone else going through the same kind of. Like, there might be something else or this. I might not be ready. And I wasn't ready five years ago. Like, I wasn't. Yeah, he's younger than me, so I'm like, I get it. But I ended it because I couldn't. I didn't want the back and forth, and we didn't want the same things.

So for the very first time, you saw the other side, and now you're kind of freaked out about it.

I'm not freaked out about it. I just. I really like them. I really loved him. Yeah, I do. So. But that's. Yeah. But it's been, like, six, seven months. Wow. Yeah. But I don't think that's why now I'm dating again. But I'm also not in the place either where I'm, like, my life is really full right now. I'm not like, I'm dying. I think that also the best time to find someone. They say this might sound very cliche, but, like, I'm not actively. Like, I need to date every night. I'm, like, desperate. I'm not at all, like, I'm just kind of, like, doing my life, and it's.

You're at a point where if it happens, it happens.

Yeah. And it will happen. Don't get me wrong. I will. I'm not ever concerned that I'm not going to meet someone and. And find someone when I'm truly, you know, ready to be. You know, I don't even know that I want to live with anybody. Like, I'm not Your typical female in that way either. So I kind of like my independence, but I'd like. Yeah, nice. I was like a travel. He was in a place where you could travel right now, like, I want to take trips and do things. Working my ass off for 20 years, so. Yeah. But I edited it, dude. But doesn't hurt. Yeah.

It's crazy.

Yeah. Anything you'd like to say there? You've known me through every guy I've ever dated.

It's the first time you really attached to someone, really seriously committed. Yeah, you're afraid of commitment. And you did go back and forth.

And you finally did it, and then it didn't work out. See, that's why I think you're kind of. I don't know, maybe using freaking out is a. Is not the right term. But that's why you're.

You broke your pattern.

Yeah.

That's all I'm saying. That's why it feels so good to me, because it made me realize that I can't. Like, I don't. Yes, it's probably has to do with him. It's him. But I also think it's a stage in my life. I realized for so long I was the one who was. And I know it's a kind of a male tendency. Typically you're like, oh. It's like, guys. But I was like, I've got to work. I've got to support myself. I can't really be in this and give you everything that you need. And so I kept ending relationships, not thinking that I could be in it. But now, like, things are good. Like, work is fine. I'm, like, paying the bills. It's okay. Things are stabilized. I'm in a good place. And I'm like, I have room for a relationship right now. And he really doesn't because he's got a new job. He's. Whatever, it doesn't matter. But it made me realize that I could do this and I wanted.

Well, I think because you really do care about him that much, you were able to let him go because he wasn't ready yet.

Yeah, right. And I get it. I get it. I've been there.

Well, I say eff it. Move on, dude.

I'm moving. I'm on. I'm just doesn't want to bang.

There's a window here. There's a bunch of people, a couple.

Guys, penises sitting on the window right out there. It's true. Well, this was a good meal.

There's a nice gentleman with a couple chicken nuggets right there.

I just noticed there was a McDonald's across. Yeah, I did. Someone's like, there's a McDonald's right across the street. I'm like, I heard that. I just hadn't seen it. I'm not a detailed person per se.

Wow.

Okay. So any other questions?

No, but it's funny you share that. That's awesome. So people actually know, like, you guys.

I didn't mean to be. It's just weird. You know why? I also like to keep privacy for him. Like, I don't like to talk about. Even when I go on dates, I'm like, are you going to talk about this? And I really don't like to share, like, you know, personal thing. If I go out, go out with them, like, I don't want to, you.

Know, about their life or something like that. But you can at least talk about penis.

So there we go. Really nice penis. No. So I don't remember. Okay. Average penis, right?

She probably has photos in her phone right now.

No, no dick pics. And I never said. Maybe that's why I never sent him any sneaky photos. Do you think that's why it ended?

Yep. That's why it's over.

Okay, so are we ready now? Any other questions?

Yes.

No.

It's great.

We'll move on to.

Oh, before we get to get a thousand emails. I'll take you out, Emily. Don't worry about it.

We get those.

Yeah. Ask Emily. Go to sex with Emily dot com. Ask Emily.

Yeah, she's open for business, everybody. Right. Send pictures, not penis ones. Okay, we'll be right back. We're gonna give a shout out to our sponsors. Thanks everyone for listening and supporting them.

People joke a lot about men not being able to last long in bed. You know, It's a widespread issue and it becomes something society recognizes as a condition worth poking fun at. Well, for the millions of men who experience premature ejaculation, though, it is not funny. In fact, it can be a huge problem with effects that extend beyond the bedroom. This is why I love talking about Promescent, a clinically proven FDA compliant product that can significantly delay ejaculation. Think about what that means. If you're able to last longer, you've less anxiety about performing. You can focus on being in the moment with your partner enjoying sex instead of saying stressing about it. And your partner gets the benefit of a longer, more intense experience. Okay, so what is Promescent exactly? Well, it's a topical spray that gets applied to the penis to improve a man's stamina. Unlike common delay sprays that simply make you numb, promescent is quickly absorbed, allowing you to enjoy the sensations of sex. When used properly, it won't transfer to your partner, which is never a good thing. What other product can help you last longer, have better sexual, reduce performance anxiety, and improve your relationship? None. So I strongly encourage you to learn more about promescent, go to my website, click on the promescent banner or visit promescent.com today. That's P R O M E S C E N T dot com. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening to the show. We're on to the emails. Thanks for emailing me. Feedbackaxwithemily.com we love hearing from you. We get so many. We're getting so many great emails lately. And include your name, where you're listening from, and how you listen your email. But also you could click on the Ask Emily button on the site. Email us right from there. And voicemails, today we've got some of your voicemails. I'm really excited about that. So, producer Madison, should we start with voice? Are you queuing them up now? Ooh, we're gonna start with voicemails. Okay, everyone, this is the number. It's 818-AsksWe1 or 818-275-7931. All right, let's do it.

Hi, Emily. My name is Sam and I'm from New York. I'm 22 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for six years. Our relationship is amazing, and I could not be happier with him. He's a really. He's like a pleaser in bed and really gets off on, you know, me getting off, but I have a problem. As soon as I have an orgasm, I'm done. I'm closed for business. I don't want anything else. I get completely turned off. My body doesn't want to go for round two or anything of the sort. My boyfriend tells me it feels like I'm almost disgusted by him afterwards, which is so not true. But I guess that's how it comes off because when I'm done, I'm done. I know this is a common stereotype for guys, but I don't know any girls who have had this problem. Is there anything I could do to fix it? Thanks in advance. Love your show.

Thank you. Okay, that's a good question.

That is.

She knocks it out. She rubs it out. She's done. Not rubs it out because it's masturbation she has when she leaves.

Okay, so it definitely sounds like the guy's Perspective. Because that's exactly how guys feel.

Yeah, guys roll over.

I mean, again, I don't speak for all guys, don't send your emails because I won't read them. But a lot of guys that I talk to, that's exactly how they feel because the moment they're done, they have their orgasm. It's actually painful, you know, and then. So they're. They're done immediately.

Right? It's true. Like, it's like cuddle hormone, too. Like the.

Like.

Like you get the. The dopamine, the serotonin, and you. It spikes, right? And then you. It drops right after you.

Immediately.

Immediately.

Like my phone telling me, zero.

He's like, he has this image. And this is gonna sound sexist coming from a man, which he is a sexist man. But he was like, I just had this image of, like, after I have sex with a woman. He's like, all of a sudden, I just, like, picture. Like, I wish the whole floor would just come and throw her up. And she's a trapdoor.

She's going, well, it seems like the caller feels the same way.

So, Sam, here's the thing. I totally get what you're saying. And maybe he needs a little bit of, like, you know, a little loving after that. Little tenderness, little cuddling or something. But also, why not wait until you have your. He has his orgasm and then you have your orgasm because you're saying he wants to keep going. I'm curious if you both, like, come together and then he wants to keep going because he could have his and then you have yours.

That's a good plan. Yeah, have him go first.

Yeah, have him go first also. I mean, I get what you're saying. Like, when you're done, sometimes you are done. But there might have to be, like, if he's telling you right now, like, you seem disgusted. You probably don't even know this. You're, like, in a blissful state. But maybe you just have to be more mindful of, you know, right afterwards. Maybe he needs you to cuddle or back rub. I don't know what. But if you wanted to keep going. I mean, for a lot of women, after orgasm, it's kind of painful. Like, it hurts. However, you know, we talk a lot on this show. We've done a lot of shows on how to have a multiple orgasm. We've got blogs on our site. It's something, if you were interested, you could practice a little. Helps to practice during masturbation because, you know, there's a refractory period for women it's much shorter than men. And you might be able to train yourself to go again for round two. But, you know, that takes some work if you never have. But I think that it's a little bit of compromise. What do you think? Has this ever happened to Stacy after orgasm or.

Yeah, in certain relationships, yes. But then others, it could go six times in an afternoon or evening or day or whatever.

And you know. Right.

It depends on the person that I'm with. Quite frankly. In our sexual chemistry, it so determines how often and how quick.

No, right.

I think that. I mean, Sam also. I wonder if there's anything about him though, like anything you guys could do differently. It sounds like he knows how to get you there. I'm not sure if you're having it during intercourse or what, but it sounds like you just gotta like kind of mix. Maybe he needs to prolong it more, a little more foreplay. But you know, I like. I've had guys just want to shut down. Like, you are not going at least 10 minutes. Talk to me. I like talking to sex.

I like the boat. The suggestion of let him go first or just, you know, just cuddle with the. The baby.

Cuddle with him two months after. Yeah, you guys can compromise this one. Especially if he's feeling disgusted, rejected. You gotta like change up your.

I wish I was with somebody.

We were never attracted to people who are just like us. This is the problem in life. Right.

Man's dream right there.

I know, right? Okay, should we get the other.

Yeah, what else?

Another email, another voicemail.

Voicemail back to back.

And then we got some emails. This is fun. Do you like our voicemails? Yeah, I do. It's exciting. Yeah. Second show.

We've done it to hear voices.

Yeah. Really personal because I'm reading, not reading.

Hi, Emily, my name is alice. I am 22 years old and I'm from Torrington, Connecticut. I'm just calling because my boyfriend of two years and I recently took vacations to separate areas of Washington, D.C. and I stayed with a mutual friend of ours who I discovered had been a person who he once had a relationship with. I never knew that. And that's totally fine. It doesn't bother me. But what was interesting to me was that he apparently at a party we had both all been recently at, he had asked her if she would be interested in having a threesome with the two of us. And that is something that I've always told him that I'm just really not into with another girl. Maybe I'd be open to with another guy, but I don't know. The V just ain't for me. So I was just calling to kind of see. I don't know how to react to this and how to bring it up to him. In the past, he's told me he has cuckold fantasies and things like that, and I tried to indulge him before in, like, roleplay sort of things, but that's just not really up my alley. So any advice is greatly appreciated. I don't know. Have a good day. Thank you.

All right. That was good. Loving these voicemails.

So he's out there fishing without you knowing.

Wow.

Yeah.

That is just. I mean, he's. So they've talked about the threesome thing, and then I'm wondering if they were at a party, a little buzzed. He sees this other girl. He's like, hey, what about a threesome? I bet you probably. I'm assuming there was alcohol involved. I don't think they were at a lunch, but either way, that's not an excuse, and I don't think that's cool at all that he propositioned a friend.

Yeah. But I mean. I mean, if this is some. Something that you're really into, this is what I suggest to do. I suggest just lay some ground rules. Say, hey, look, I'm not comfortable with this. This is the stuff that I'm not comfortable with. You talking to other people about having threesomes and stuff like that. Don't have it, like a huge argument or anything like that.

Don't break up with.

Don't harp on it and, like, bring it up constantly. You should have one discussion about it and tell them how you feel. And if it comes up again, then that's up to you if you want to cut it off or not.

It's really good advice.

Thank you.

Thank you. I appreciate that. I think he's right. I think that this is not a relationship ender, not a deal breaker for this relationship. But you got to just. Yeah. Lay down the grass, say, listen, babe, we haven't even agreed that we're having a threesome yet. I've told you, I've been thinking about it. But to proposition somebody really hurt my feelings. I think it's just disrespectful. And that didn't make me feel good. So we can continue to talk about it, seeing if we're on the same page with it, you know, because, like, I've always said we just did a show on threesomes recently. We always do a lot of shows on threesomes. But you gotta be on solid ground. You really gotta, like, greed of the. You know, the ground rules, and you gotta have, like, you know, all your boundaries set up beforehand. You just don't jump into it. Mm. Okay. Good advice. Except for. Unless you're all unattached. Right, Stacy? Then we can have a threesome.

Oh, all the time.

That's fun. Okay. Dear Emily, how can I initiate sex with a very, very shy girl without scaring her off? John, 30, Iowa. This is great. Right to the point. Yeah, A he, but with a shy girl without scaring her off. Shy?

She's not that shy.

Come on.

She just plays it now.

She must.

What, you think she's gonna tie him up?

Well, I think he's over. Right, Exactly. You never know. He's got a dungeon. You never know who's got a dungeon. I just think that, you know, again, this is. You're inside your head with this. She's really shy. Here's the thing about shy people. People that they're shy when they don't know you. But I can assume that when you guys are together, if you start dating, you start hanging out, that you're gonna know when you've established that level, level of comfort and when it's the right time. So all I can say is, if she's not, you know, I don't know if you guys are dating or not. You're saying initiating sex. I'm assuming that you are. But if you've gone on a few dates right now, I would just start, you know, you gotta start kissing her, because otherwise you're gonna go right into the friend zone. So that's what happens when guys don't make the move soon enough. Some guys make it too soon, and the girl can get turned off, but if she's shy, then you need to make the move. And I just think you can, you know, just lean in slowly. Don't pressure at all. And I mean, if she likes you and she's going out with you, I'm assuming she's waiting for the move. What do you think?

Yeah, the trust level, right? Comfort and trust level. Like you just said, the comfort.

Yeah, women need comfort. They need trust. They want to trust you. That's why a lot of women, like, they just. They want to wait. They want to feel like you're someone they can trust. So show her that you're a good guy. Stick to your word. If you make plans with her, show up and, like, keep being that guy that she likes, and then she'll. You know, it'll come around and if it doesn't, that's okay. But how would you scare off if you like attacked or locked the door? But it doesn't sound like that you're emailing me. You're like a sensitive dude. Okay, next email. Emily. I've been single for a year and a half. I've been single for a year after a five year relationship. I just started dating again since January and it's not going well. I've met guys at bars and I know it's not going anywhere. I've been on dating apps and the guys I meet end up getting end up and getting to know only stick around for a month. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm really chill. Don't make a fuss about stuff. The last guy I got to know I saw once a week because he lived 30 minutes away. I'm either at work, home, or at the gym. I'm training for a spartan race. Thought maybe I'd meet someone at the gym, but no one ever approaches me. So I just work out and go home. I'm cute. I think I'm cute. I'm 5 2, 125 pounds. I have a bubbly, fun personality. So I don't know why I'm having trouble getting someone to stick around. Thanks for the help. Michelle, age 26. Southern California, huh? Yeah. I think she doesn't believe that she's available. Like she has a few guys that don't call her and she's letting this all like take a tumble. This is good for self esteem. Back to self confidence, September. Because I feel like, Michelle, you're not believing in yourself right now.

I think the only like turn off within that short of time is maybe you seem a little too eager. That's the only thing that I could see that could be an issue that makes guys run away.

When you're really eager, like, like, yeah. Calling right after.

Yeah, super eager. Just like reaching out all the time on email, text, Facebook. I think, I think other than that I, yeah, this could be the only thing that could be a turn off. Like just check yourself and see how much communication that you're, you're putting out there with that person.

Right.

I'm thinking the confidence like you just mentioned because you put off that energy. If you're like trying so hard, like I need to find a date, why can't I find it? You're just trying, you're putting that weird energy off. Or not weird, but it's just different. And that's not very attractive.

We talk about this all the time. Like, Stacy and I have gone through the years.

Confidence, energy makes people more attracted to you.

When you believe in yourself and you're feeling good and confident, it's amazing that men will flock to you. Everyone will flock to you. Yeah, but when you're going out feeling like another guy's gonna reject me and I'm not gonna meet someone, and you ha. You don't even know this, but, like, you've got that desperation, perhaps coming out, it's not gonna be attractive.

Yeah, I know. I've been in situations before where this person knows that I'm at work, but they're trying to, like, text me and ask me, like, like, funny questions. They're super cool, but I'm just like, ah. I like work.

I'm busy.

Yeah, I'm. I'm a little bit busy. I would love to talk to you in my free time, but I don't know. That might not even be the situation. What's happening?

It's so hard to tell because I wasn't there. Like, I wish, Michelle, I could go on a date with you and tell you, but I'm sure, to be honest, you're not doing anything wrong. And to me, like, it's probably like, what, two guys didn't call you after? It sounds like another guy lived 30 minutes away. Like, I think that we create stories. Like, every guy wasn't 20 guys. It might have been two.

And again, if you're. I don't know if you're dating on the. The Tinder world, it's like a lot of people are just, like, not looking to have something long term. They just want to. It's a numbers game, you know?

Yep, it's true.

Get on Bumble. I'm loving it. I mean, I'm not on Bumble, but I just love that. I love the situation that they're putting out.

No, it's good. And you got 24 hours too, so you can't. Like on Tinder. I've got matches for like a year and you don't have. But that's like, there. It's like, if you don't message. It's good. That's cool. Okay. Got one more.

Yes.

Hey, Emily. My name is Paul. I'm 24, from Colorado. I lost my virginity to my girlfriend about three months ago, and I'm obviously extremely inexperienced and new to sex. My girlfriend was not a virgin before she met me. And when we have sex, I can tell that she does not really enjoy it. I always try to communicate as Much as possible, ask her what she wants me to do or if I can change anything up. I'm open to trying new things, but she never lets me know what she wants me to do. Whenever I ask about doing things or ask if she's enjoying what we're doing, she responds responds in basically the same way. I like that it makes you feel good. Don't worry about how it feels to me. I love everything about her, but it kills me to know that she isn't enjoying having sex with me. And that spirals into major self consciousness. I've gone down a few times, but the last couple times I offered to go down, she denies me. I want to do anything that I can to make her feel good and she makes me as she makes me feel in the bedroom, but just really have no idea what I'm doing. I need help. What can a beginner like myself do to improve in bed? How do I open up and communicate even more often? A guy needs some help from a guy that needs help. Shout out to Menace Anderson. Everybody else involved in this podcast, it rocks. Sweet. Thank you. Guy who needs some help. We're here to help you. Guy who needs some help.

Guy. I'm sorry to jump right in. I think it goes back to the last email. It's like maybe being a little, little too eager. I know we say communication is lubrication and all that, but my being a little too eager after because like imagine you're having a sex with a guy every single time after he goes, was that okay? Did you like that? Did you enjoy that? That might be a little off putting a little bit. I, I don't, I'm not saying don't have any communication, but to have, communicate, try to have communication every single time you have sex. I know that I, if it was a woman doing that, I'd be kind of like, oh, no, it's okay, right?

You know, because you're telling me like, yeah, it's fine.

Yeah, I mean like to have that maybe have that conversation.

Every other like the fifth time, you know, I don't know. You got to break it up. I think like trying to have talk about it every single time is definitely off putting and scary.

I think that that could be something that could be part of it. But I also, I read this and I thought, how do you know she's not into it because she didn't want you to go down on her. She's not telling you what she likes. These are assumptions. He's assuming that she doesn't like it. He's like, I want her to like it. I want her to like. It's because she said. She's actually said to you, it's good. You also went into this thinking that he was behind her in the skills department because he was a virgin. So you've already gone into it feeling like you were lesser than.

And she's having sex with her man. Like, you know, so obviously she's not leaving.

Right. But I think he's also asking the question wrong. And he's asking it wrong for her to say, what does she want? How to mix it up. A lot of girls are going to come up blank even if they have tons of experience. So the line of questioning isn't work. So I would try like an either or question. Like, give her a choice. Like, so do you like it when I go down on you before? Do you like it when I use my tongue like this? Or do you like it better when I use my fingers? How did it. And not even during intercourse, but like, it could be afterwards. Like, last night was really hot. I feel like when you were on top, that was really sexy, the way you're moving. But then when it was doggy style, like, it seemed like you came. Like, which one felt bad? You know, it's like your line of questioning is, that's just clearly not working. So it doesn't. Not everyone's gonna be like, have be able to say, well, here's what I really want, you know? Yeah.

And I think your point about the timing is everything too, because you're sitting there, like almost play by play, and it becomes not romantic or passionate. It's like, what do you need? What do you want?

Right, Exactly. Saying, what do you need? What do you want? What do you want? Like, a lot of people are not. Guys aren't gonna answer. Girls are gonna answer. So you gotta get really specific.

She might not know what she wants.

Exactly. So maybe you could say like, God, you know, I'm really new at sex too, as you know, whatever, let's do some fun things. And then you could like go sex toy shopping, buy my book. I have a book called hot sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight, which is an awesome book for couples. I have a lot of friends who use it, a lot of listeners you get on Amazon or on my website. Like 13 bucks. It's like such a good investment because you can open it to any page and you can just be sitting there and you can do anything on the page, like positions and funny, fun things to try. Little foreplay moves like, but you guys, sounds like you might need some more. Watch some porn together, like some things to get some more information from her because you're not getting enough. But don't beat yourself up yet because there's nothing. Oh, mutual masturbation. I love mutual masturbation. It's awesome. I mean, for couples because you can really learn about how she touches herself and what pleases her. She'll learn what pleases you. It's a hot thing to do. It's like a little sexy movie. So those are my recommendations for you. But again, don't make these assumptions that you're bad in bed. She's unhappy because she did not say that. Okay. Thank you so much for your email. I appreciate it. We're here to help, aren't we?

We are.

Anything else? Thank you, Stacy, for being here and helping me break down analyzing my. I don't even need therapy ever again.

Never.

That's so much better. This is fun. Thank you, thank you. Thank you all. Happy back to self Confident September. So stay tuned to all of our social media and our podcasts and stuff and we just love hearing from you. Thank you. It's amazing. Love you, Menace, Foul Menace at Menace and the Woody show and all that stuff. Thank you, Madison, Lori, Jamie, Eddie, Stacy, of course. And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackextwithemily.com.

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