What Makes Oral Sex Hot w/ Alex Cooper

And I think I sometimes forget, like, it's not just the clit that has these sensory feelings. So it's like to engorge yourself in all of them that way. Then my whole vagina is like pulsating.

Because there are 8,000 nerve endings and it's not just the clitoris. Yeah.

You'Re listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Alex Cooper, host and creator of Call Her Daddy, knows a thing or two about the pursuit of a more fulfilling sex life. From transcendental oral to disastrous anal, she walks us through the good, the bad, and the funny. When it comes to trying new sexual experiences, Alex also shares her mindful masturbation routine and what her partner does to make oral sex incredible. Hint, vulva, worship. All this and more in today's fan favorite best of episode Intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show, and I encourage you to do the same. I My intention is to reassure you that wherever you are in your sexual journey is the perfect place to be. Hacking our pleasure potential takes time and patience, even for the most seemingly evolved in the bedroom. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, 9 Ways to Elevate your Solo Sex is up at sexwithemily.com check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily or call my hotline 559-talk-sex or 559-825-5739. All right, everyone, Enjoy this episode.

Okay, let's be real. Confidence is sexy in and out of the bedroom. And when it comes to performance, sometimes a little support makes a big difference. So whether you're craving more stamina, fuller erections, or you're just looking to level up your pleasure game, there's a tool that's been helping people feel more empowered for years. Meet Bathmate, the world's leading hydropowered penis pump. These aren't gimmicks. They're FDA registered, backed by science, and designed to give real, lasting results. At bathmate Direct, you'll find pumps that naturally support size, strength, and blood flow, helping you experience bigger, harder, more energized erections over time. And because they work with water, they're more comfortable, more effective, and way safer than Traditional air pumps. With just a few minutes a day, the Bath Bait hydro pump can help you increase size and girth, gradually boost confidence in and out of the bedroom, improve stamina and performance, support stronger erections through better blood flow. And the best part, it's all natural, non invasive and totally shower friendly. You can literally work out your sexual wellness while you wash your hair. It's iconic. Right now, Bathmate Direct is giving our listeners 10% off when you use code SW10. And@bathmate direct.com, that's Bathmate Direct B A T H M A T E D I r e c t.com use code swe10 for 10% off. So head to bathmate direct.com use swe10 and level up your confidence.

Alex Cooper is the host of the Caller Daddy podcast, which I was just on and had a blast More on. Alex Cooper and CallerDaddy will be linked in the show notes. Alex Cooper, I'm so excited you're here.

I'm so excited.

Alexandra Cooper from Call Her Daddy. You were on my show probably a year and a half ago.

Yeah. Wild.

And you've been through a whole journey. So I'm curious, like, how, how's your sex life changed since then? Since I saw you a year and a half ago. What is up?

Oh, my God.

I feel like you're changing and growing.

Yeah. I think in the beginning it was so fun to overemphasize the sexual things that we were doing. So like the gluck lock. I'm like, oh my God, this is how you give a blowjob. But I think as this show evolved, it sounds so weird, but my sex life kind of slowed down because. And that's why I'm here. I'm like, let's talk to the queen herself. Because having a normal sex life when you have a sex podcast is so intimidating to men and so navigating, trying to go on a date and they know that you have this show. And some it's so funny when they pretend they don't know. They're like, oh, what do you do for a living? And I'm like, you know, you know, you know what I do for a living. It's definitely been a challenge and like navigating it. I don't really. Sometimes I get nervous to go on dates now, which is so not like me because I'm like, how they expect one thing and like, I don't feel like doing cartwheels on a dick tonight. What about that? How about that?

I've never. This is so interesting. Because this has been so. I've been doing this 15 years. The journey has been the same exact thing I've had. I've had sex less frequently. Well, especially in the last two years since I started the show on series, it's like, oh, now it's five days a week. It's like, the more you talk about sex.

Yeah.

The less it's easy to find someone because I do find that men are intimidated and then there's all these expectations, but you learn to, like, navigate that. So I've never met anyone in this. That's why it's like a mirror. And I'm like, oh, I want to. I want to help you. I want to figure it out with.

You know, everyone listening. That's why I literally came to Emily, because I'm looking at you and it is kind of stress inducing at times when I can tell. Obviously the right guy won't. But, like, there are some men that expect me to do the wildest things in the bedroom. And of course I love to do those wild things, but I want to do it on my time and my comfort and not feel pressured that, oh, he's going to go run and tell his friends, like, that blowjob wasn't as good as she talks about on the show or. You know what I mean?

Exactly. This is it. This is what happens. So people, there is the expectation. You're like, I just want you to go down on me. I just want to cuddle, I want to make out. So I feel like what's helped me is I feel like I can tell. People ask me that. They're like, what are your parents think? And are guys intimidated to date you? You probably get that every day, all the time. And it is. Well, to back up a minute, it is true that I get all these emails from listeners. Oh, thank you. You've helped me. You've changed my life. And I'm like, great. I'm not having. As long as you're all having fucking awesome sex.

So happy you're all enjoying yourselves. I am dry as the Sahara desert over here. Not having sex. Maybe with my toys, but yeah, it's hard.

So what's happening now, though?

I'm in therapy, so love it. And I look back on a lot of my relationships and it's so fascinating because now I can be introspective looking. I'm like, wow, now I understand why I made those decisions there for a while. During the beginning of Call Her Daddy, I was choosing, actually, really all my life, I was choosing men that I Knew were assholes. I knew they were going to cheat on me. They treated me to my face. Nice. But, like, I knew that they were being shady, and I knew it wasn't gonna last. And I finally am getting to a place where I'm understanding why I did that. And I think it's so important to, like, get behind the roots I have. I'm so driven like you. I've always known I wanted to make it. I wanted to have some type of show and entertainment. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to make my own money. My mom raised me. Being like, you don't need a man to define you. You're an independent woman. Although my parents have the most beautiful marriage, and they're so in love. She's always been like, but you don't need that. You can be on your own. So I grew up, and I've wanted to make my own living and do my own thing. And so men to me were more so just an accessory, a fun thing. Because I wasn't really looking for someone. And I know it sounds maybe a little selfish, but I was like, I don't think you can bring half of what I already give to myself. I'm very full inside, and I love myself, and I'm really happy being alone. I. I love being alone. It's like my favorite thing.

Same.

So I think. Yeah, so I think men sometimes I'm like, I don't really want your company. And anything more serious to me is, like, Would just be a waste of my time. So I started picking guys that was more like a game. And I liked the game.

You liked the game? I thought you like at the time.

You like, I did tell you because I think it's like, I love a challenge, and that was a part of it. And I loved just, like, fucking around and just being a little bit manipulative and, like, cheating or whatever. And I thought it was. It was a thrill on the side of me grinding through my years of, like, being a Division 1 athlete and working in the film department and getting to where I am now. Now I have my show, I have my own money. I can pay for my own life. Now it's more about, like, I don't really want to play the game anymore because I kind of want someone that can fill me up behind the scenes, that someone's going to appreciate me and then also bring something to me that I don't have, which is a companion and someone to, like, spend time with.

So that's. That's what you want right now. So that they have to be additive.

Right.

And you don't want the drama because when you're with them, you want it to be like, yeah, someone you can hang with. You don't have to think, well, I have to wait five minutes to text.

Back or whatever it is.

There's none of that right now.

That's why I'm enjoying dating an older guy, because I'm so being having this show. I am so social media centric. And it's like, leave him on, read and don't answer his text and wait 10 minutes and then slide in someone's DMs. And it's like, there's such a. A blueprint to how to do it in, what, my age group. So to date someone that's older and is like, I don't deal with you, like, not texting me back and knowing you're doing that on purpose, like, just because it out immediately love it. And I love it. It's so. It is so refreshing. But it has to be someone that I think I respect enough to be like, okay, I'm not gonna play the games with you.

You find those people. So this guy you're dating, it lives in la, but you're not moving here?

No. And it was here for me. I'm literally moving here for Emily.

Yeah. I think that it's hard because on top of exploiting my life for my show, and like you said, you hadn't really talked about the men you were dating in the beginning, and I have always done that. So it's definitely a very hard balance. People are always like, oh, my God, Alex, you're moving to LA for a guy. And I'm like, that couldn't be farther from the truth if he was moving to Canada tomorrow. I'm not moving to Canada. Like, just do whatever you want to do. Because we. I know it's so corny, but we live one life, and I think that's been really hitting me hard. And like, yes, we got to just do what makes us happy. And that's what I'm doing.

That's it. I love that you're saying that. I. I moved to San Francisco when I was 21 from Michigan. I went to University of Michigan, graduated, got in my car, drove to San Francisco, didn't know anybody. It was very ballsy when I look back at it. But I'm just saying it's like you, Anything is possible. It was a dream and people thought it was crazy. And I'm lucky because my mom was always like, I had a very similar mother was like, don't rely on anyone to take care of you, and if you don't like it, you'll come back. Be safe. So then this happened, like, later, and I was like, oh, I was in my 30s, and I was like, I. Sex is still. What the fuck? No one talked about it.

Yeah.

There was no podcast. There was no.

There was nothing.

Nothing. You know? I mean, no.

When I heard. I remember when I first started a podcast, I was so video focused because I went to film and television school. So when I got the opportunity to start a podcast, I was like, what? A podcast? Like, I feel like that's what my dad listens to. Yeah. I'm like, look at his face. It's not a place for podcasts. Come on. But it is nice sometimes when you don't have to wear makeup and you can just, like, report.

At the beginning, I didn't have to.

And now. Yeah, it's annoying. But I remember talking to. It was my cousin, and she has always been just, like, a little bit slower to progress sexually. And she said, I listen to sex with Emily all the time. And I was like, what is sex with Emily? So I got. That's when. Before I even started the podcast, I started to look into you, and I was so impressed with what you were doing for women, because there's not a lot of people doing it, and it's so taboo to be like, no, you go in there and you get your orgasm. And honestly, who even cares about him for a second? Like, focus on yourself. Because we've been focusing on how to get a man off for so many years.

So many.

Let's focus on our clits, ladies.

Yeah. And they got off. Like, the men got off. They're fine. They're good. Let's go back to the cliffs, right? So that's what I want to ask you. Circling back. You've been learning on the job, too, kind of. I mean, you were having sex. You've been having sex. You're like, I don't know. When did you lose your virginity?

I lost my virginity my sophomore year of high school. And I thought I was in love. He was truly that bad boy in high school that, like, your parents are, like, taking your phone and locking you in the house and being like, why does he have a dui? He was, like, a senior. I was a sophomore. But I do have to say, at the time, I. I was in love with him, and he. I thought. But I wasn't having good sex in high school. That's why I'm always telling People, I'm like, awful sex in high school. What I thought got better in college, but then not good sex in college. When I got out of college is really when I started.

Which is just a few years ago, right?

Yeah, three years ago, four years ago.

So how did you. This is what I think is gonna be so helpful. How did you start having better sex? What's been your journey?

Okay, so I think, what does that look like? I think for in the very beginning, when I was not having good sex, it really goes back to I being an athlete. I love. I'm like a people pleaser. So, like, when I'm. My coach is telling me like, yes, yes, yes. And I'm like, okay, I'm doing a good job. So with regard to men, when I was in the bedroom with them, I was so hyper focused on one, my ego and my reputation. Because I felt like I was always in situations where people were talking about what other people were doing. And the thought of someone saying I wasn't good in bed was. Was just so horrifying to me, which I think a lot of girls.

I will be the best.

Literally, like, I will. I will be the best. It's like, okay, relax.

I would be the best blowjob you've ever had straight.

And it's like. But then. So I started to really hyper focus on just the men. So I jokingly say it on my podcast, but it was kind of true. I was like, I am going to be known for giving the best blow jobs. Like, I feel like I'm good at this. I was getting good feedback from the. So I was like, I got it right. So for a while, even in college, I wasn't really expecting a man to even rub my clit or eat me out. I was just going. And he was just like, licking my.

Like for a second.

Yeah, yeah. And like, I wonder and what exactly. And so finally, I think when I got out of college, I really started to less so focus on the men who were leaving the bedroom saying, like, best sex I've ever fucking had. And I'm over there, like, really? Because I didn't even. Like, my clit wasn't even stimulated. Um, it was when I kind of had a. My first, like, real boyfriend. My first real adult boyfriend. And we started to explore. And I think that exploring with someone and. And being willing to open up with them, but also being comfortable with someone is so important when you feeling safe, right? Feeling so safe because I. Yes, I was masturbating, but, like, I hadn't found a partner yet. That was really doing it for me also. And I know it's like, it's on us first, but, well, we were just women.

The stuff I talked about, I was on Alex's podcast a few weeks ago. Okay. But you guys should all check it out. But, yeah, most people don't know that stuff that we're responsible at all. They don't like, literally, this is why it's good to know that you got on this. That's something you shouldn't have known because no one tells you at all.

And I think that that's what's so discouraging to women. Everyone's like, why am I not having good sex? It's like, well, first, if you aren't having the best orgasms by yourself, then that's the first way to start, obviously, but so with the boyfriend, we started to, like, explore and we were using toys. And then slowly I just started to really realize how much hotter sex was when I was also enjoying it and not, I can still give an amazing blowjob then. Don't get me wrong.

Hello. Nothing was compromised in the evolving of Alex Cooper.

But then I was also like, oh, this is so hot. When I'm on top and I'm rubbing my clit like this and I'm moving back and I'm like, having the best orgasm while I'm also having sex. What a concept. So then after that, really, since I've been out of college, it's been kind of a mission of mine. And I do think call her daddy has helped me sexually. Just I'm like, oh, I'm getting horny while I'm doing this episode. I'm going to go have great sex. But it also allowed me to just explore and to feel confident within myself, to be like, just go in there and get it. Get yourself off and enjoy yourself. And then after that, I like, I've been having really great sex.

What's the difference now is that you know how to, you know, what you like, you know. Orgasm.

I think. Well, I had never had it. I had my first orgasm orgasm in college with an older guy, and I was like, whoa, what was that? I've never had that before. But I'm having. I'm having sex. But I think my thing is I usually have specific men that I'm dating, and I think that would surprise a lot of people. I don't judge women. I think it's amazing. You should get out there and you should fuck freely and go have sex with as many people as you possibly can before you die. If that's what you want. For me, I have to have some type of emotional connection with the guy. So I have, like, had fewer partners than people probably think I've had. But then with that partner, I go so deep into exploring everything with them. And so, like, I was telling you, like, ass play and everything, I need to feel comfortable with the person to allow them to explore with me because I want to sexually be able to, like, really feel like there's no judgment, there's no. And especially with the show, it is stress inducing to be like, is this guy gonna leave and go talk about how he just fucked the call her daddy girl and oh, it sucked, or, oh, it was amazing. But she. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, it's.

It's really straight, right? Has that happened yet to you?

I. I remember it was so crazy. I went on a date with a guy shortly into having this podcast, and he was such a dick. And he looked at me and he was like. He was nervous, I think. And so it was kind of word vomit. And he was trying to make a joke, but it was such a turn off to me. And he literally looked me in the eyes and goes, you know, I. I'm just gonna be honest. I mean, like, my friends at work, they all knew I was gonna go on this date with you, and they literally told me. I mean, like, the last thing you have to do, if there's anything you do at the end of that night, you got a fucker. And I'm sitting there on our. This is a first date, Emily. I'm like, oh, my God. I just took my first sip of my vodka tonic. You can go fuck yourself. Like, what.

What did you do that? Did you get.

I looked at him and I kind of did one of those, like, shocked giggles. Like, did he really just say that?

You just.

And then I looked at him and I was like, like, wow. Wow. We didn't even get through the appetizer. And I have never done this in my life. But I looked at him and I said, I'm gonna be really honest with you. I don't even want to waste either of our times and go to the main course for dinner. This isn't gonna work. And I'm gonna go. And he was, like, stunned, had nothing to say. And I got up and I left because I just felt so disrespected. I was like, that's just kind of gross. And listen, I can, like, take a joke and I can, I can take it, but I got to a point in my life where like, dating wise, I don't, like, put myself out there if I'm not going to, like, enjoy myself and have. I'm not going to sit at a dinner and waste my precious time for a guy that's a dick. Sorry.

Exactly. Well, what the fact of the expectations. Are you talking about sex all day? So clearly, if we go to dinner, you owe me that. Or everyone's said that to me and that's going to turn you on. But this is why I think you're. You're helping people change a narrative and showing them that that's not what it's all about. But it is tricky dating right now. That is true.

Yeah.

But this guy you're dating now, he's not.

He's older. And I think he's. Being in the industry, it's kind of cool to have someone that gets that. Listen, the show is a show and it is a heightened version of myself, but at times I'm. You come here prepared with specific topics, you know, and so that's not like every. The show isn't me dictating my entire day life of me being like, oh, now I went to the bathroom. So you're getting like highlighted versions. Almost kind of like everyone's Instagram. You see what people want to show you. And so as much as I've tried to open up and get real with people on my show, and it is a show, and so the guy that I'm dating, I think, sees the difference and is able to have a genuine relationship with me, but also be so supportive when I'm, like, going on that week and talking about how, like, I did have sex with someone and he's.

Like, did you have anal? Because they said that you said you were gonna have anal. My teeth.

Oh, my God. Literally. So, okay, so I was jokingly saying that in vacation, we just went to the most.

Let's go to anal. It's been 20 minutes.

Let's talk about anal. So I didn't have anal. We just went to the most beautiful resort in Cabo and I was like, maybe I'm gonna. Maybe I'm gonna have some anal. But I wanted to ease in. So we got some butt plugs and there was definitely penetration into my butthole, but it wasn't his penis. So we didn't have full anal, but, like, he was using butt blocks.

We talked about yesterday. Step by. Well, you'll check out her podcast. When it comes to.

Well, I'm just listening if you guys don't know me on this show. I had a really Traumatic experience with my first anal experience.

Tell the story.

So I think it's so relatable, it's so bad. But even except extremely, it's so good. So I'm in college and I'm dating this guy. He's a wonderful guy in Boston University. He's on the hockey team. He's super hot, luscious, whatever. But then I'm in Boston and I, like, meet a professional athlete. And I'm like, well, a professional athlete is better than a college hockey player. So I lie to him and basically tell him I'm not home, whatever. He finds out that I'm on a date with a guy and he's all upset and that I cheated on him. So naturally, he's about to break up with me. And we're sitting in my bedroom and I'm crying. I'm like, don't leave me. Don't leave me. And he's like, I can't believe you did this. And so naturally, my brain goes, how can I make him stay with me? Anal. I was like, he's always wanted to have anal. What do I do? I'm like, anal. Anal. So I just look at him and I'm like, do you want to. Do you want to do anal? And he's. He's kind of, like, staring at me, shocked. He's never had anal in his life, right? He's like, wait, I want to break up with you, but also you're about to give me the asshole. Like, okay, fine. Like, let's give. Give me the asshole and then maybe I'll did you. So I'm like, okay, great. So we start hooking up. Mind you, this kid had never done anal before. So all of a sudden, I, like. I get on all fours and I'm, like, staring at the wall, like, ready to just like. I'm like, al for. Like, this is what you get for cheating, you stupid. And so without lube, without warning, this man shoves his penis as hard as he can into my asshole. And I am. I have, like, vasa vagal, which is like. I get really. I can get really lightheaded if I see, like, a needle or something. Like, anything invasive happens to me. Sometimes I pass out. So I am. I feel this in me, and I turn around and I'm like, get out, get out, get out, get out. So he just pulls it out as fast as possible, and I go to stand up, and I just. I remember looking at him, and then all of a sudden, I just remember blacking out. I wake up to my college Boyfriend pouring water on my face while googling what to do when girlfriend passes out from anal. And I am like, get off me now. I'm breaking up with you. And he felt so awful. He's like, alex, I'm so sorry. Sorry. I'm like, you literally turn it around. Oh, my God, of course. The manipulation. I'm like, this is so fucked up that you would put me through this. And he's like, I love you. I'm so sorry. He's like, cuddling me. I'm like, well, that was easy. The moral of the story is, guys give him anal. Fake, pass out if you cheat, and then he'll stay with you. But. So it was. It was traumatizing, though. The moral of the story, though, is I was really traumatized for a little bit. I was like, I didn't. I didn't want anal.

We're all traumatized.

We are all.

We've all. We've all been traumatized now by your anal experience. And people have had variations of that. A lot of people are like, first time was in college. We were like, dupes, drunk, wrong hole. That happens. So what?

So I.

You were post traumatic anal.

I was post traumatic anal. And, you know, I never was. I. I was fine with not having anal. It wasn't something that I was, like, dying to do, so it didn't matter. But each boyfriend post that was like, why can't we do it? And I was like, I'm just, like, not into it. It really took me a long time to just get over it. And I wasn'. Interested until I started. One of my boyfriends started to, like, kind of put a finger in there. And I was like, oh, wait, I like this. And then what I started to do is to ease myself into the idea, because the guy that I'm dating right now, I actually really do want to engage in ass play. I just started masturbating and using, like, smaller butt plugs. And that, for me, was the start to, like, getting back into not being afraid of.

It's like training. It's like, right. It's like you're working yourself up toward. Which is what? Let's just cut to this right now. Is that. But if anal play, what we're talking about is don't go from zero to anal. No, you want to start with a finger. You want to start with a butt plug, your own finger when you're masturbating. Or get a tiny little butt plug and put it in and then make it feel tiny.

It's so fun too, because I think a lot of girls get so nervous to do this, even by themselves to try things. And I try masturbation even.

Right?

Yeah, yeah. And I. I try to sympathize because I think if you're not sexually accepting with yourself, then you're. First of all, you're not going to be having good sex. But the minute you start to, like, loosen up and open up and be in the bedroom by yourself, and I know it some. For some times, like, it is easier said than done for some women. But, like, the minute you, like, why don't just pick, like, one night? I always tell some of my friends. They're like, I don't know why. I just can't mess around. I'm like, pick one night. Even if you get, like, a little drunk by yourself, like, hang out, start taking pictures of yourself, get dressed up, just try it. Like, it's just like, okay, one and done. Let's just try it one night and just start masturbating and start using a butt plug. No one is gonna know this is happening. Okay? Nobody knows. We don't have to tell anyone. And then just go for it. And I think sometimes girls just need that little push to be like, what's the worst that's gonna happen? Exactly.

After the break, we'll hear more about the sexcapades of fellow podcaster Alex Cooper. So don't go anywhere.

Do you masturbate? What toys do you use? Do you get comfortable with that?

Emily? I masturbate all the time. I'm masturbating right now. I love it.

You haven't even showed you the sex.

I know. I love masturbating. I think that for a while I was super reliant on just, like, a vibrator. And then I remember wanting to be able to have sex and feel that pleasure without a vibrator. So I started to kind of get rid of toys for a little bit, and I just wanted to figure out my muscles.

And my.

People always ask me that. It's like, I love a toy. I think it's great, too, to actually take it away. You might not have an orgasm that quickly. It's not the 60 second orgasm.

Right.

But how do you build it up? So how did you have that patience do that?

I. Okay, so I think that at first when I started to realize, like, well, like, I'm not having the same pleasure in the bedroom, sometimes if the guy isn't great at eating. Meow. Or if he's not great at fingering, then, like, as much as I'm Rubbing my clit while we're having sex. I'm not really used to rubbing my clip because I'm not doing it when I'm alone. And I think a lot of girls always write into me being like, why can I only come with my vibrator, not during sex. And I'm like, well, if you're not using your vibrator during sex and you're using your hands, your body, right? Your body's like, oh, your hands are here, right? So I think that I started to. I. I get super turned on when I am dressing up, looking hot, looking at myself in the mirror. If I put on some lingerie, going to send a guy a picture. But then sometimes I'm like, I'm just gonna take them for me. And taking pictures of yourself in, like, a hot outfit, I really do think you can start to, like, get turned on, play some music for yourself, have a drink. And I think that I started to just enjoy the idea of, like, I wanted to feel so good for myself and not have a man here and not have toys. And so, like, you're left to your own dev, just your fingers. So that's where it started. And I think I was super patient because I would set enough time. I think sometimes thing you got, it's.

It's like work. They should just, like, they should go up, be able to run a marathon. Like, you run for five minutes, you run a mile. So it's that. So. So then you just started to touch yourself.

And I think sometimes I would start the night by, like, first I'd take a shower, and, like, I would take a shower and maybe I'd be, like, shaving and, like, touch myself a little bit. And then once I'm out of the shower, so it's like kind of the idea of edging, but it's like, through, like, the hour that I'm preparing, like, I'm taking a shower, then after touching myself a little bit, then I'm going and putting on some lingerie while I'm taking pictures. That's like a different sensory thing that I like to watch myself looking hot. Then I'm getting in bed and I'm setting the lights down and I'm relaxing. And sometimes I'll put a face mask on over my eyes so I can't see anything. I'll do it just so that I'm not even watching myself. Sometimes I'm just feeling. And I think that sometimes for me, makes it really hot because I'm just in my own world. And then I literally just start Touching myself. And I think again, you don't just go right for the clit. Like, I'm rubbing my boobs and I'm touching my body.

It's the senses. I love what you're saying because there's so many ways to stimulate our senses. When you take away eyesight, for example, everything else becomes more heightened on your body. So you can really pay attention to. To what feels good. How does it feel when I put one finger inside me? How does it feel when I, like, tease myself down my leg? And those are the things that we just were so wired to rush through sex and to be paying attention to what our partner wants and we don't look at ourselves.

I also think sometimes it's really helpful to me that I like. It makes the process last longer, is I think it's really hot when I'm masturbating to switch positions. And sometimes I really like to, like, get on my stomach and have a toy in me or just my fingers. But, like, almost pretending in my mind. Like, I think about a guy that I'm super turned on by. And you kind of are almost like using the toy as if he's from behind, like. Like having sex with you. But you're controlling the pace. And that friction on the mattress and the toy, I mean, it's just. There's so many different ways.

No, it's so true. So you are. You are simulating like they're there. So if you are worried that you can't come with a boyfriend like you or a partner, practice it.

Yeah.

If you can get a toy and moving in all the different positions, if you always come on your back, try it on your stomach. If you haven't, try a different position. So you put a toy or dildo on you and you're rubbing. Then when you are with that penis, you're rubbing up against it. And then it feels, you know what feels good. You know that you're practicing.

Yeah, you're practice, like everything. We need practice.

Do you have an orgasm every time with this partner?

No. Well, it depends. Like, I don't go in super pressured to. Like, in most men, I'd be like, okay, I don't really love sometimes the sex. If we were having it's like more for him. So if I'm like, I'm. I want to orgasm every time, because then what am I doing here? But with him, we have different types of sex, which is really hot. So like, sometimes if, like, I'm not. I know I'm not going to have an orgasm. I still Just like to connect with him. I feel very connected when we're having sex, which is like a turn on to me also, like emotionally and relationship wise. But I have never in my life had a guy be better at oral sex. And I make some good oral.

Can you explain?

Okay, let's good.

Or Alex Cooper.

Okay. So number one, I always start with like, this man couldn't be more vocal about like, like how much he is obsessed with my body and my vagina. And so I think every man. It's like, if you can be super vocal with your woman 24 7, even if she's not feeling great about herself, I'm breaking out right now. I was telling him that. He's like, I can't even tell. It doesn't matter. You are beautiful. So he starts throughout the day constantly talking to me about sex outside of the bedroom. So it makes me super horny.

That's foreplay all day. That is building it because you're thinking, I'll see him later. That sex is top of mind.

Yes.

Sound like your partner comes home and they're like, why aren't I in the mood for sex? If you are all day long in connection about sex, that's.

And I think that's one of the first guys, like I've had men occasionally text me or like, whatever, but it's not all day. And so he is definitely adamant about making sex a huge part of our relationship. Just in. In context of just talking about it all the time. Right.

But not just like, oh, we should fuck by the end of the night, but.

But talking about me and my body and okay, so that's the beginning. Then when he starts getting into oral, he always, always is like begging for it. And I think a lot of women are super insecure about their vaginas or how does it smell right now? There's something again about him being so like, I just want it. I don't care if you just worked out. I don't care if you were just like literally pooping in the bathroom. I do not care. I want your vagina. So that makes me super relaxed, as if I was by myself.

Had you have a partner before who had been like this about your. Who's been like, I just want you to. I mean, it's a new.

It's not every guy's like, you know what? I think I've had guys that are super sexual, but I've never had a guy be so adamant on making sure, like, she needs to know 247 that like, I am like obsessed And I want it all the time. And it's not in a creepy, annoying, like, hey, you're horny all the time way. Because it's about me. And that's what I like. Like, I know it's not supposed to always be about you, but it is nice.

But that's the thing. You need to. You need the affirmations and safety. So he knows that you're like, words of affirmation or whatever your love language is.

Is.

He knows I need to affirm her. I need to make her feel this way.

So with regard to him eating me out, though, he's so. I feel so bad for men because I'm like, how do I explain? Like, he's so good at building up on the clit. So, like, he'll start teasing. Yes. And so, like, he'll start by getting me just, like, super, super wet and like, even just be down there and, like, put a finger in while he's, like, lightly just, like, licking around, like, the lips in and out of the labia, like, inside, outside, even just, like, around my thigh.

Like a little tip, right. Just teasing with his tongue, tracing it around.

So hot.

So hot. And so I'm not just going right for the clip. Sucking on. Yeah.

I'm like, what is going on? That for me, it starts to get me in the mood. And a lot of times he'll start by, like, sucking on my, like, boobs and going down on me and something about that and like, how into it he is. It starts to get me turned on. So then when he's down there and he's getting me super wet with his mouth, the way that he rotates between, like, lightly sucking on the clit and then, like, swirling with his tongue on it and then, like, going down and dragging that down to, like, my labia and everything. He's super slow and, like, very meticulous about, like, every single detail of my vagina. He's not just focusing on the clit. And I think I sometimes forget, like, it's not just the clit that has these sensory feelings. So it's like to engage yourself in all of them that way. Then my whole vagina is, like, pulsating.

Because there are 8,000 nerve endings. And it's not just the clitoris.

Yeah. I'm getting turned on talking about it. It's so hot. And I think also, like, it's hot sometimes for me because I think some guys think, like, and then also be, like, putting your. Your fingers in or vagina and stuff. That is like, yeah, it feels good at times, but it feels better on the outside. So sometimes when you see.

On the outside, yes, it's different by woman. By woman.

But something I really love is when he uses half of his, like, tongue, half of his finger on the clit, and he tries to, like, move them in the same motion together. Those are two very different feelings. A finger and a tongue have different feelings. So, like, he kind of incorporates those together. And I think that he's very good at feeling my body language. Like, if something feels super good, I think a lot of men think they have to keep switching it up. If she's, like, clenching. Do not.

Not. Don't move. When she don't stop, don't stop.

And don't stop the exact motion you're doing. I hate when guys are like, okay, great, and then they start going 10 times harder. They move all around. I'm like, no, go back to that spot. Because that means they don't know what.

It was, but they're it. It's a process, and I love it. And pay attention to our body language, women. We are telling you exactly what we need. We are showing you. But if you're in your head worrying, am I doing it right? Is this the right way? Right? You're not. You're gonna miss the cues. You're gonna miss it. So he's like, he's. It's almost like I felt this way from the best oral sex is that when I'm with somebody, it's like, they. Well, I think that my body does speak now to them. Like, I think I'd be learned. Like, my body is emitting this information, but you gotta be paying attention to how I'm moving. I show it. We. But it's. Some people are too nervous. They're not focused. They don't have as much experience. So it sounds to me like this guy knows his way around a vagina.

He definitely knows his way. He made a comment to me. It was a. In a jok. But I was like, oh, okay. Because he is friends with someone. He. They had had sex once. She was also, like, in the industry. And, like, they're good friends now. And it's like, no romantic feelings, whatever. She's, like, married now. And he was telling. I guess he was talking to her and she was like, oh, wow. Like, I'm so happy for you that you found this girl. Whatever. And she made a comment, joking and basically saying, like, well, I mean, if you're. If you've eaten her out, then she's definitely going to fall in love. And I'm like, so every girl in L. A, like, knows that you, like, are great.

I know him on the show.

I know. I've been out asking him. I'm like, you need to come on. He's like, no.

This is the best thing is that.

Well, maybe eventually, who knows that you can learn to be great at oral. And I am telling you, in the planet that we are living in now, that should be the asset you're working on. We could talk about some of the things that turn us off. Hey, my dick's hard. I'm thinking about you. We don't.

If we're not with you, I don't.

Want to hear about your dick. I want to hear what you're going to do to me is what we're saying how much you love my pussy, what you're going to do. Not that you're not going to get a blowjob or you're going to get met, but that sort of was what it. I'm not speaking for every woman, but mostly to know. Like, even with sexting, right?

I'm like, I hate sexting. Because a lot of times men are sexting in a way that is so juvenile for me. I'm like, oh, your dick is hard and you want to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, bored neck, like, also. I'm sorry, but sexting. Listen, there is no way while you're sexting, sexting that you are going to be at the same exact time doing, like, FaceTime sex to me is way better because you can actually be.

Let's talk about that right now.

Yes. Because my thing with sexting is one half the time that you're sexting, he's like, in the grocery store and you're like, on your way to the park, and you're not actually. Right, Right. So. And then also, it's like, if you actually are masturbating, what? You're picking up your phone every five seconds and texting, like, no FaceTime sex.

Let's talk about FaceTime sex. The rules for that.

Oh, my God.

How have you made it? Because you. It's been long distance.

Yeah. Yes, it was. I never had really done too much facetime sex just because I didn't really care for it. And I'm like, I'm not really in the mood.

Like, what?

And I would either rather you come over or I'll just go do it by myself and not have to focus on the microphone or, like, on the camera. But with him, I was starting to really. We were starting to make it, like a Night thing that we would, like, have a drink together, and then I would, like, go upstairs and, like, I'll call you right back. And then I'd go put the lingerie on, and then I'd call him, and he'd see me in the lingerie. And I think that. That it was so fun to feel connected and, like, also to, like, kind of watch him jacking off while you're getting off. That was so hot. And I think a lot of girls get nervous about FaceTime sex, though, because.

They don't know the lights and how to stand. But you were saying you practice, too, right? Like, you practice.

And I know that sounded psycho, but, like, I thought it was great that. Yes, I put my phone up.

Yes.

And I watched porn. Like, basically, if you guys didn't hear that.

Yeah. Yeah.

So basically. I know it sounds so crazy and extra. And, like, people were. Some people were shitting on me for it, and I was like, I don't care. As a girl wanting to. I want. Of course I want to impress my guy. And, like, I want to be like, ooh. Like, whoever I'm hooking up with, I want them to be like, she looks amazing. And she's like, looks like she's enjoying herself. But being the perfectionist that I am, sometimes I'm overthinking what I look like and then not fully enjoying myself. So I wanted to beat there because.

So many women are perfectionists and they're thinking about, how do I look, how do I move? What's my orgasm face? Is it sexy enough? That is not what's going to be sexiest for your partner, by the way, the sexiest thing is once you take the beat and you figure out when you are authentically turned on and aroused.

Because men can feel that.

They know it.

They can tell when you're faking it. They can tell when. Like, obviously there are some that are dumb, but, like, for the most part, they can be like, oh, my God, her. I can literally feel her vagina, like, pulsating. Right, Exactly. So I think that was the first step for me, was like. Like, I really wanted to go into it and enjoy myself. And so by what I did was I got into my lingerie, I started taking the pictures, and then I put my phone up and I opened my camera and I watched myself start to masturbate. And I was watching myself in the camera, and I had gotten the lights perfectly, so I felt good about myself. Even if he didn't call that night, I was enjoying myself, watching myself with my toys go in and out of me and all these things happening. I was enjoying it. Then when he called, I was able to continue that for myself. And as much as it was for him, because I looked great and I had my outfit on. I also then was able to just watch him as he was, like, touching himself. And then I could just focus on me and, like, what I was doing instead of being like, oh, my God, how does this angle look? Oh, my God. Is the lighting perfect? Oh, my God.

Then you were actually really turned on.

I was so turned on because I kind of felt like it was the elevated version of just. Just masturbating by myself. Because for the first time I was like, wow, I'm really getting myself off and I'm really enjoying this. And he happens to be able to now watch it instead of me in my mind being like, kate, how many more times am I gonna put this dildo in my. And then is he gonna come? Great Keganite. That's what I. I remember I used to have FaceTime sex like that with this one guy and I was like, just doing it for him and it was so boring.

It is boring. Okay, so what's going on now? Because you're in LA and I know you had some questions. I want to know how can we make sure that this is this something? Are you looking. What are you looking for right now?

I think that's the hard thing for me right now is similar to what we said in the beginning. I feel a lot of times that I get to a place with men where I do know. Although on my show Sometimes I joke 247 and people don't know the true me. But, like, emotionally, depth wise, I think a lot of men are extremely attracted to what I bring behind closed doors with regard to emotion. And. And I have a psychologist as a mother. So, like, I was raised on all of it being emotional and being able to connect emotionally. So I think that I get with men and I get to a certain place with them where they're extremely, not only sexually, but emotionally attached to me. And then I think this is where I have a hard time because I just don't know what I want because they're now ready to settle in and, oh my God, let's get married and all the things. And I'm like.

So that's the thing right now is figuring out what you. You're figuring it out? Yeah, this is the thing. I think that's okay too. I think it's.

I think.

I don't believe anyone should get married before they're 30.

Oh, yeah.

And I think that you, now that you've just figured out you've gotten rid of the athletes and stuff that wasn't serving you, you're with your first good guy. I think once you try all the different things, you kind of realize this is what I want. So right now, being healthy, being honest, like, it's a choice. And the partners are. Who aren't looking for your clitoris. They're not going down on you. They're not making you feel safe. And you are still playing games. That's not the only option you'll find your people. The more authentic you are, the more you are real you are. But maybe, I mean, I don't know, you probably need to go through the game.

Playing games. I was going to say, I think it's so important sometimes everyone's different. But for me, I wouldn't change any of that. I don't think I'd be sitting here being like, I'm kind of in the mood for a healthy relationship had I not for so many years played the game and hung out with the fuck boys. Now I'm so excited to. Who knows, Maybe I will go back to athletes or maybe I won't or. But for right now, this is working for me, so I'm leaning into it rather than, like, running away like I usually have done in the past.

And therapy, you think, has been really helpful for you too, because we're always talking about the importance of therapy. And if people like, I don't need therapy, it's gonna be crazy. It's gonna make you healthier.

It.

It's gonna help you understand your patterns.

It has literally changed my life. And I'm not someone that on a daily basis is, like, having mental breakdowns and has depression. Like, I'm very fortunate that I haven't experienced those things, but I still need therapy. Like, going into therapy. The days I will never forget, when my mom told me there was one day, I was like, I don't really need. I don't have anything to talk about. And she was like, those are the best days. Because all of a sudden you think you don't have anything to talk about, and then you really start to get deep. And it was so true. It was the best therapy session I had.

Yeah, the best time to go to therapy is when you're not in crisis. Because when you're in crisis, you're just. It's really. It's not. As you go through a crisis and then you, you, you get out of it, you're like, oh, I feel better now. Phew. No, you can actually do the work that's not surrounding a crisis and then you learn skills that help you for a lifetime.

Yeah, I really encourage it. I think it's also, there's still, I think we're getting better, but a negative stigma around it. And I just want everyone listening to know that you are not less than by going to therapy. If anything, you are working on yourself and wanting to be a better person. And I think that is super commendable.

Yeah, that's good. Alex Cooper. Wow. Look at this journey we've been on. We, we, we speed talk about.

We do.

We really do. We do thank Alex. I gotta ask you the five questions we asked all of our guests. Yes. Okay. These are called our quickie questions. Alex Cooper, what's your biggest turn on.

If a guy's good at oral? Biggest turn off if he is constantly doing the jackhammer and being like, you like that? You like that? I'm like, no, I hate it. I want to go home.

What makes good sex?

Passion and knowing each, like being in tune with each other's bodies. Not just having sex basically by yourself. And then there's another person having sex. Also, like, being in it together.

Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Don't overthink it and stress about it as much as you did. Like, just go with the flow. Because I wouldn't be sitting here if I like changed what I did in the past. Like, it all was worth it. And I'm like dating a really good guy right now because of the fuck ups I had in the past. So don't overthink anything.

What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex?

It should be messy and disgusting and all the things. And don't be focused on your body, be more focused on how it feels. Messy is good.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to, like subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-talksex. That's 5559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

There's one overlooked mineral behind better sleep, sharper focus, stronger muscles and a healthier heart. And at least half of us aren't getting enough enough. Most people don't realize they're running low on one of the most vital minerals for human health, magnesium. And here's the thing, no single form of magnesium can deliver all of its benefits. That's exactly why Qualia Magnesium plus was created with 10 highly bioavailable forms of magnesium plus over 70 essential minerals. It provides total magnesium support, helping you sleep better, think clearer, move stronger and feel your best every day. And honestly, when you're less stressed and more energized, your intimacy and desire naturally benefit too. Too. Sure, magnesium can help you sleep, but Qualia Magnesium plus goes beyond that. It's a whole body nourishment for how you think, move, connect and feel. More than just a sleep supplement. It's a foundation for daily well being which absolutely supports a healthier sex life. Getting enough magnesium from food alone is harder than ever due to depleted soils and chronic stress and our body's reduced ability to absorb it as we age well. Qualia's Magnesium plus formula is non gmo, vegan, gluten free and designed so all the ingredients work together for comprehensive magnesium support. And personally, I've been taking Qualia Magnesium plus in the evenings and I really notice calmer nights and clear mornings and just feeling more grounded in my body, which always makes intimacy feel more accessible and enjoyable. It's become such an easy part of my nightly routine. Experience the most trusted magnesium for your purity, potency and performance. Go to qualialife.com sex with Emily for 50% off and here's a bonus, use the code Sex with Emily for an additional 15% off your order. That's Q U A l I a life.com sex with emily thanks for Qualia for sponsoring this episode.