Who's Your Daddy?

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Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Happy Valentine's Day, sending you all lots of love. Remember, it's a day about love, whether you're single, in a relationship, somewhere in between. Just love yourself, because I love you. I really do. Thank you everyone for listening, supporting the show. Okay, in today's show, I'm joined by part of the Sex with Emily team. I have Madison and Jamie here, so you know it's going to be awesome. We're honoring the day of love by helping you through your love and sex conundrums. Are you wondering how to work daddy into your dirty talk? Are your partner's masturbation habits cause for concern? Plus tips for navigating the dating world. Is there a right way to ghost on a bad sex partner? All this and more. Thanks for listening.

Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they called them in a bygone day.

Hey Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. A girl's gotta have her standards.

Oh my.

Do women know about shrinkage?

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my God, it feels so good.

Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com and check out all the fun stuff we have there. We've got the posts, we've got the blogs every day. Uh, what else? Videos. Subscribe. We make it so easy. Subscribe to the newsletter. Um, all of our social media, which is Sex with Emily across the board, including our Facebook page. And you can, like I said, check out the content every day and then also subscribe to the podcast. We love that. And the newsletter. Okay. Hi team! Hi Jamie and Madison! Hello! Happy Valentine's Day, my loves!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy V-Day to all!

Oh, you're each my loves. Little hearts in my eyes looking at you. Um, yeah, so I'm— they're joining me because this is, this is, this is an important day of love. What are you guys gonna do today? Uh, okay, Taco Tuesday for the single life. Not like what you're thinking, you guys. If you think taco, we're thinking of some subversive way. We actually mean Tacos.

Authentic tacos.

Who knows? You don't know how the night's gonna end, dude.

It could be like a Taco Tuesday.

I'm going out on— I'm going out with my, my best girlfriend Sia, so who knows.

That's double the tacos.

BFF. I feel like chicks don't usually hook up with BFFs.

Yeah, probably not.

Guys are always like, you guys gonna hook up? Like, my friend sleeps over, like, they visit me, they're like, you're sleeping in the same bed, you're gonna hook up? Like, no. All the chicks I've hooked up with, like, I didn't know.

Well, actually, that's not true. I do have a crush on my friend Ashley, and I make jokes about it all the time in front of her, and I'm like But I'm like, you know, I'm not really joking though. Like, if you were down— and she's just like, oh, I know, it's just, it's just a running thing.

Is she bisexual?

No, not at all.

Are you?

I'm like, I'm curious. I mean, I've like made out with chicks before and I think they're like attractive, but I've never—

no lips on vagina? No, that's another vagina.

I've always like been like, you know, like I would totally let anything happen to me, like a girl do whatever to me. I don't know if I'd be able to reciprocate just because I've never have.

But like a selfish bisexual.

I don't know though. I don't know.

I know you don't know. You don't know until the moment strikes, until the taco strikes.

But up until now, it's— it's right now. I don't really know where I lie on the scale.

Okay, that's fine. No, right, closer to straight. Open, right, right. I totally got it. Um, Madison, are you going out with a friend tonight? Uh, no, you have a boyfriend.

I mean, we'll see. Uh, yeah, TBD. Yeah, TBD. Who knows what's gonna happen. Um, but to your earlier point, I actually have two best friends where their first sexual experiences with each other.

Two female best friends.

Yeah, they— we were all like the, the Three Musketeers, and then we kind of like, in high school, we kind of like branched off a little bit, and they went on vacation with one of the girls' parents. I'm totally like throwing them under the bus right now, whatever, no names. But they went on vacation with one of the girls' parents and just started like experimenting. So they were each other's like first like sexual touching, like making out, fingering, like all of that. And then they didn't tell anyone else for like months. And so when it finally happened, we're like— when they finally brought it up, we're like, how the— like, how have you been holding on to this? We've all been hanging out, right? No one has said anything. So I always thought that was interesting.

Was it an isolated incident?

Um, yeah, I think so. And then from then on, they had this weird, like, competitive thing where they, like, tried to date the same people, and they were bisexual for a while, and then they weren't bisexual. And, like, one of them actually went on to, like, embrace, you know, uh, bisexuality full-time, while the other kind of just went back to dating dudes.

Interesting. Okay, yeah, I should never say never. You're right. In my life, I just feel like— no, I feel like friends have had forever.

Yeah, I feel like it was like a very bizarre incident. Like, we'd all known each other since they were 10— we were 10. So that was kind of interesting to me. But yeah, I guess it happens sometimes, right?

It's happened. Totally. Yeah, who knows?

Jamie, there's still hope.

I—

hey, man, seriously, it's fine.

I think if it's your— if you're curious about it, it's like, you know, put it out there into the universe. Vagina might just come your way. You never know. Um, okay, you guys, um, we— anything else about Valentine's Day?

What are you doing?

Oh God, I thought we were just gonna skip through that. I actually— I don't know. Um, I'm supposed to go out with a friend as well. I'm just about with, um, two friends, and I didn't really commit to anything. It's been a really busy week. I think I'm just gonna have dinner with some friends. I'm not so totally caught up in Valentine's Day, and rather than going out with like someone that I'm dating I'd rather just hang out with my friends that I love. And I've been so busy the last week doing a lot of— I feel like I'm Valentine's Day'd out with all the press I've been doing around Valentine's Day. It was super fun. I was just on the Adam and Drew podcast, Adam and Dr. Drew. I was on Think Tank, Jason Ellis's podcast, and Think Tank, which is a really great show by Hannah Cranston. It's on the YouTube, on the YouTube channel. You know that, check out the YouTube there. It's very interesting. It's on the interweb. Google. Um, and then what else did I do? It feels like there was a lot of whatever. It was fun, so I feel like I've had my fair share. But, um, you know, friends and love, it's all about love, guys. So, and we also, if you're like thinking about what to do tonight, you still don't know and you're listening to the show, we've got a lot of good tips on the website. We have some good articles up there, blog posts, stuff like that.

Totally. Ways to love yourself, uh, hot Valentine's Day dates that don't cost a thing. Jamie has an entire cooking blog up.

Uh-huh.

That's amazing.

With actual, with actual food in it, actual recipes.

Jamie, that was quite an endeavor, right?

Okay, so kitchen hot in the bedroom.

Yeah, in the kitchen, not just vagina tacos. Yeah, that's just vagina.

Although I do think I'm going to have to create some kind of like recipe for those. Not on— not to put on an actual genital area, but just to make vagina tacos.

Oh, like a vagina, like maybe like a, a cookie cutter but it's shaped like a vagina, like a vagina taco that's actually like a taco shell that's shaped like a vagina.

Yeah, I think, I think I could figure it out.

The innards are Shaped like it.

Yeah, we'll get back to you guys on that for sure. Okay, good.

I don't want to promise you guys anything I don't have.

Let you know.

Okay, um, you guys, um, okay, so little sex of the news here I picked out just for my favorite millennials. Um, it says here there was a study. Every year Match.com comes out with a study. It's a singles in America study, and they— and it's actually— I respect this study because not only did they have me, uh, fly me to New York a few years ago to be on a panel with Patti Stanger Helen Fisher, who is an amazing doctor of sex, and Perez Hilton talking about it. So I like it, but I also, I really respect Helen Fisher and what she has to say. So this study says that millennials are skipping first dates and going straight to having sex. How about that? So men and women of a certain age knew the score. First, some wining and dining, then some bumping and grinding. That's how dating went, and the grinding part often didn't happen until the second or third date at best. But a recent study indicates, per usual, the millennials are throwing the old rulebook out the window and saving themselves time and money and going straight to home base. The New York Post reports that according to research done by Singles in America as well as Match.com's advisor Dr. Helen Fisher, millennials are 48% more likely than others to go ahead and have sex before they even hit the wine bar. Dr. Fisher says it's the younger generation of adults are doing it to see who the other person is, if they, um, and if they want to bother with putting up, putting any time and energy into them. So she's saying just, you know, knock it off the list, see if you have chemistry, and then maybe get the wine. I don't know. Um, so it also says that millennials are 66% less likely to get off during a one-night— oh, through oral sex. It's saying that you guys aren't participating in oral sex that much.

Wow, that is disappointing.

And I'm too active.

Yeah, I'm too busy. I'm gonna have to talk to all of you individually about this because this is a shame.

Don't let oral go. I'm not— I love you millennials and nothing's made me hate you all, but really, if you guys are like abolishing, uh, oral sex— or was that our president? Did he do that? No, you guys.

Yeah, yeah. Um, the Clinton administration didn't do well for it. No.

Oh, that's true. Or did they? Or you had like 9-year-olds going, Mommy, what's, um, what was it like?

Uh, they sensationalized it. Yeah, it's not intercourse technically.

Right, exactly. Um, so also, and it also says though, yeah, you're not having oral and you're less likely to get off that way. Which is weird. What if your body's changed, or is it that your partners don't know how?

I think it's partners don't know how and a lack of comfort. Personally, I was never able to enjoy oral sex until it was with someone who I was super comfortable with. And it's like, granted, we're getting really sex positive now, like our generation especially. I've noticed they've like made huge strides, like, you know, like your generation set it up actually with like all the women's movements and everything. And then like they've recently come to like very specific, like taking away vagina shame, but it still exists. And I think a lot of maybe girls have trouble letting loose because they're not into it, and then guys don't know what the fuck they're doing down there because the vagina is a Rubik's Cube of life. So, right, what do you think, Jamie?

Um, it's— I've— in my experience, um, it's hit or miss, kind of like with who you're with. Like, some people really just don't even start to head down that area, and some people like super love it. So it's kind of like depending— dependent on just like who you're going out with, I guess. Um, and then also I guess it depends on like what circumstance that you're having sex with them, because I feel like a lot of millennials are having, you know, like drunken hookups and stuff like that. And a lot of times during that it's hard to keep it going for so long because you're kind of just like drunk and trying to like, you know, going through the motions and all that stuff. So it's— I think that has a lot to do with it too. Um, but as far— but if you're like, first of all, if you're going out full-blown sober and there's no foreplay, then I have no idea what you guys are doing.

I know, right? What are you doing? Like, you're not turned on yet. You're not—

yeah, if there's no time restraint, then like, let's, you know, relax, let's go for it.

Yeah, I agree with you. And I think it is interesting, and I, again, I, I don't want to stereotype even an age group, but even in my— I've said this before, that even in college, remember my first boy— not my first boyfriend, the first guy that tried to go down on me. I think I was a junior in college, and I was like, like, I was like, I was doing this frat house, just being like, oh, this is horrible, like, please don't, like, I'm so terrified that you don't— I'm thinking You don't want to do this. This is gross to you. This is gross to me. I didn't understand my body. I didn't understand it. And I really feel like— and then later, like, in my— probably after I graduated, I got a little more comfortable. But I do think it's a practice thing too. Guys don't have a lot of practice down there because it goes both ways. Women might not want it. Guys don't know what they're doing. So that might be part of it. But, you know, yeah, don't stop trying.

One experience where a guy was just like— he was like, oh, you've never— it was my first ever, like, oral sex experience. And he was like, oh, you've never had a guy go down on you? Like, let me rock your world. And like, I laid back and it was just the most uncomfortable. I was actually— I found a bunch of my old journals and I was reading one and I was like, maybe I'm broken, because it just didn't feel like anything at all. And I just wanted it to be over. And he would hit a random part where I'd like jerk up because it was like so sensitive. And he just didn't know where he was putting his tongue, but he was so overzealous with it. Like, I don't know where you get that combination of just like lack of— and also, yeah, and also like an inflated sense of like sexual confidence where he was like, I've got this. And I was like, never is anyone putting their face in my vagina ever again.

No, Jesus, that's bad. Yeah, it takes some time, you guys. And again, you never— you probably would write for your clitoris. Yeah, it's not important.

We were like 17, so I'm getting a break.

That's okay. Hopefully he's doing better now. Okay, so, uh, also it says that 57% of millennials, for all their tech-savvy and digitally connected social lives, you feel lonely most of the times. Most time you feel lonely.

It's true.

Can you resonate with loneliness? Um, like, if you— your peers?

Yeah, I know, like, I, I don't know, a lot— I guess my friends are kind of all over the place when it comes to that. I'm like very, like, I like kind of being on my own kind of thing, so I don't really feel like the loneliness too much. Um, but I do have a friend who, like, she's kind of like me in the sense that she likes to go out and, like, date multiple people and stuff like that, but she, at the end of the day, would like to come home to someone and cuddle with someone. So she does feel that loneliness. So it is there, and of course everyone wants that companionship, like like, no matter—

like, I don't think this is like generation specific here. Yeah, a bit lonely. And I think actually loneliness is actually a healthy thing to feel.

Totally.

Um, I think a lot of people, we all try to avoid loneliness by distracting ourselves and keeping busy and just doing anything but feeling, which is, you know, I think it's really good to go through the feelings, go through the emotions of life. But okay, so what do you guys think about this? Do you feel that your friends or yourselves are, are just kind of having— walking up having sex on the first date right away? Um, more so than— I don't know what to compare to. Like, I feel like everyone's— people have always done this.

Yeah, but I think it's— I think we're more cool about it now. Now we're like, we're doing it on purpose. Like, it's not like anyone like told us like, oh, like, I'll love you forever, like, let's just have sex. Now we're going into it like, we're gonna have sex tonight, maybe it'll be good, maybe we'll get a call, but like, if we're gonna do it, we're gonna be down for it. We're not gonna be victims.

You're not gonna have the regrets the next morning. Yes, you were also— it wasn't like, oh, is he gonna call, is he not? It's kind of like women are taking more control of that empowerment.

Like sexual empowerment.

Sexual empowerment.

Every guy goes into every date hoping he's going to have sex, but he doesn't really have control over that.

Exactly. Well, I'm glad that women are feeling more empowered about it because I have to say that I still feel it. I'm, you know, I'm in no way conservative about this, or do I hold any hard, fast rules, but I always think like, if you do like someone, you're out with them. If you can tell, you're already out. I just think it's like the, you know, it can— it's such a great thing in the arousal and the building and the teasing before you actually have sex. It's Some of the best parts. Plus you're getting to know someone that if you sex right away, I get it. You're like, okay, I want to see if I'm even attracted to them. But a lot of times the first time you have sex, it isn't the best. And the more you get to know someone, you actually like, do I want this penis in my vagina and vice versa?

Yeah. I think that, um, the, the thing is there though, it just, it does depend on like the kind of person that you are. And because, and this, this is something I kind of just popped into my brain, which kind of like is clicking and making sense, but I feel like, especially me, but millennials too, like, we're— the way that dating is, is like showing any kind of emotion is like just like not okay. Like, people are like, oh my God, you're showing emotions, you must be really into me. Like, as we have this weird thing. So I think that it's easier for us to have sex first because that's what we're actually more comfortable with, is the physicalness and not the emotional.

Wow.

So I think that if you get to know someone so much first and like them so much, you're gonna build up that idea of how good the sex is going to be in your head. And then what if you're disappointed? So it's kind of like, let's get it out of the way first. Let me know, because I know that I want to do the physical thing most likely. Let's get that out of the way first, see if we have this connection, see if we have that chemistry. And then when I get to— like, I'll get to know you more emotionally after that, because that is something that I can actually like now withstand with you.

So why do you think you guys are so afraid of intimacy?

Madison, it's like a loaded question.

Yeah, like Jamie and I are both like, is it because you didn't have models of that because of the divorce?

Rate because of social media, technology? Everything's blamed on technology, but I'm just—

it could be a mix of that. I think a big part of it is unrealistic expectations. Yeah, to be honest.

Unreal from, from what you want your partners to—

yeah, from like what I grew up believing like romance was to now. Like, I would rather not— if I was in a relationship, I probably would not date because I just like, I feel like I don't understand it at all right now.

Right, I know, I agree. And there's so much more now. You could see like I feel like maybe it was more secretive or people didn't talk, or there wasn't as much to watch, like television, everything that depicted like the real American family or the real fam— people going through divorce and affairs and polyamory and all the other choices out there. Perhaps that could be it.

Or maybe intimacy just looks different and we need to like embrace it and kind of wrap our mind around that, around that. Like, hence, you know, the rise in popularity of open relationships and the rise in interest, because maybe we just need to rethink the way we look at it.

Yeah, that's true. But intimacy is still intimacy. It's still like connecting with someone, opening up, trust, being vulnerable. I mean, those are still the components.

I think trust is a big one. And I think that because like the internet and social media exists and plays such a big part in it, it changes the way trust is built and broken, right? So that's something that's always in the back of our minds. Like at any moment in time, like it doesn't matter how good your relationship is, you could open up your boyfriend's phone and find Tinder on it. You know what I mean? And it's like, it happens every single fucking day, so it's hard to— I think it's hard to feel settled.

It's so true. Or you just go on Instagram, you're like, why'd you like that bitch's photo, right?

Yeah, there's the Instagram models, like, people— you can screenshot things, like, you know, it's, it's really Snapchat porn. Yeah, it's lit. And Snapchat, that's the thing too, is that like, it disappears and you never know, and you can delete the conversations that you've had with people, so it doesn't even show that you've been talking to that person on Snapchat at all. So it's like, It's kind of crazy just like how easy it is to buy it, to, you know, be led astray or to—

Absolutely. I mean, I cannot— I mean, I don't know what I would have done. Like I said, like when I would have an ex, if I broke up with someone when I was 24, like I would never see him again. Like maybe if I ran into him, but I knew nothing about him, where he was, who his friends were, like nothing, unless you ran into a friend of a friend 6 months later. But now it's like you break up and you're like on their Facebook, their Snapchat, their Instagram. So it's, it's really weird to always be connected with people you slept with. Uh, and when you're with them, obviously there's more options for them to cheat. But, um, okay, so speaking of, uh, not speaking of that, let's move on to some positive things here. Now that's not positive. That was actually really interesting to me, you guys. Thank you for those insights.

Oh yeah, thanks. That's an excellent question.

Sure. Okay, let's move on to the best Valentine's Day ever. I want to thank you for, um, emailing us because a lot of times we ask you guys to send us your stories and, you know, send us your thoughts on things. And so this year we had a contest for the best Valentine's Day ever. We asked for your submissions and they were amazing. We have like a 16-page document here and I seriously wish that we could read all of them, but, um, I was— I actually got super turned on reading them before the show. I was like, oh my God, this is hot, it's hot. So, um, I, I really like— God, I love hearing from you guys. So thank you for taking the time to write this. Um, are we announcing the winners?

Uh, no, not yet.

Okay, so you're gonna— so follow us on social media for that, and on the next show we're gonna announce the winners. I wish you could all win because they were really good.

No, seriously, if we could send a vibrator to all of you, we would.

What show is that when they're like, I wish I could— I wish all of you could, you know, but there's only one that can? Is it like The Bachelor?

Yeah, I think it's, um, no, it's a— it's like America's Next Top Model, maybe. Yeah, like, I wish it could be both of you, but only one.

Or like Miss America or something.

Yeah, something like that.

But either way, right? I wish you could all win a magic wand.

Those are— yeah, those are the vibes right now.

Um, okay, so So you sent us your best, we got so many responses and this was the interesting part. We saw a lot of great trends in these emails about what make Valentine's Day great. We thought of course, like we were thinking like maybe it would be about like a great gift or like, you know, I don't know, just, I was thinking gifts or like surprise me with, you know, 5-star hotel room.

Exactly, you're thinking about the stuff that you see on like Instagram, like those, like that's kind of like what I pictured. Yeah, exactly. Like someone's gonna be like, oh, like a candlelit dinner and Laguna Beach, you know, like whatever. And, uh, yeah, it wasn't that, right?

No, it wasn't. Um, so a lot of your best memories involve spending time together, which is something that we've been talking a lot about here, you know, at our posts and on the show and different press stuff we did. We were just saying like, have an experience together. Like, it's so much better than like doing this big night and paying double price for a meal, but do something and involve, you know, have an experience. A lot of you had some really hot experiences or just fun experiences Because I think that President Barack Obama—

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Really makes sense. Couples who play together stay together. Okay, and a lot— there's a fair amount of V-Day anal. Who knew? We always think that like August is anal sex month, but now it's— I think it's February. So, um, that's cool. So we can, um, read. You guys want to read some of these? Some submissions?

Yeah, totally.

All right, who wants to start?

Um, Jamie, I know you have yours specific.

We all picked out some of our friends.

I do. I, I had— I like this one. I liked it a lot, um, because it's really short and sweet. Um, but it is from— his name's Brian in South Carolina.

You have to do it in a Southern accent the whole time. I'm just kidding.

South Carolina accent is totally—

it's like, yeah, I'm like, okay, so just, just so that I don't butcher it and, you know, piss anyone off in South Carolina, I'm gonna just say it in my normal voice.

I'm kidding, no, no pressure.

I know, I totally would.

I know you would anyway.

I would have practiced it. Okay, okay, but basically, so he says that while, um, I'm gonna read it in his voice though. While mine was simple, it was well received and easily a reputable feat. We fed and put the kids to bed, then I made us dinner. Steak something— that's French— pumpkin soufflé and asparagus. The twist was that I only made one plate and sat down in between us, slipped off my tie and blindfolded my wife. Then I proceeded to feed the two of us dinner with her blindfolded the whole time. Taking away sight really does change how you experience your environment, no matter what's on the menu. I really like that because it was just cute. He made like— he fed her dinner like she didn't expect it, you know. It was, it was just really nice. He took his tie off, blindfolded her. He's like using, you know, elements within the kitchen without having to like go into the bedroom to make it special.

That's really sweet. He took off his tie and blindfolded his wife. I always say that like you don't need to buy anything special if you don't want to. You can just use like the old necktie.

Yeah, totally.

And that is true about taking away one sense and it's feeding her dinner while she's blindfolded, like enhances the whole thing.

Then you're like, what am I eating? Is it going to be cold? Is it going to be hot? Am I eating not arugula but like something else?

Fun fact, asparagus has a lot of, um, vitamins and, uh, nutrients in it that actually are linked to your arousal and sex hormones. So fun fact, if you're gonna make dinner, put a side of asparagus there.

Just pee separately. Yeah. Do you know that smell? That's what happens. That was a sweet one. I like that. Okay, Madison, you want to pick one of your faves?

Uh, yeah, actually one of my faves was one I'd kind of forgotten about and then I just re-popped up and I liked a lot. I'm not going to read the whole thing, but basically it's from Lauren and she said that her best Valentine's Day was 5 years ago with her boyfriend. They just started dating and neither of us were really big on celebrating Valentine's Day because they'd always been single And so they, you know, they went to dinner, they had sex, he got her roses, which was cute. But the best part, and I thought this was really sweet, he made her a mix CD and it was a mix CD of songs that reminded him of her. And that is really special because a lot of times when you get mix CDs, it's like, oh, these are songs that I like that, like, you know, I thought you would like too. These are songs that directly reminded him of her. And included was a written list of every song and the rationale for why he chose it, along with a little love note at the bottom. They were all songs I knew and loved and they all had meaning for us. It was the sweetest and most thoughtful gift I'd ever received and it's something I still listen to. Oh, and spoiler alert, they're still together. So if you're looking for like a last minute thing, that is adorable and it like touched my heart. I feel like people don't do that anymore. They don't.

That is so sweet.

They just reminded me, so you know I've been like racking my brain for Valentine's Day things. I remember my boyfriend, and I have to say he was like, you know they always say you're for, I say this, but I believe it's true too, so, It probably is. Your first love, like that real love in your early 20s, where you guys are now. But I had this— I moved to San Francisco and I met this guy. We dated for 3 years and I still think all my friends are like, "Oh, you loved him." Like I did. It was like 3 years we were together. And I remember I had 2 roommates at the time. So we were in my bedroom and I think I tried to make dinner the first and last time I ever made dinner. It was like a stir fry. I messed it up. But anyway, we were in my bedroom and I remember like, putting on sexy lingerie, and we ate dinner in my room, like made like a picnic, but he made me a photo album. But he was also an artist. So he took all these pictures from dating and then he drew like little, like poems or little funny quotes from wherever we were. And I still have it. I'll bring it in. He pasted it together and like, you know, this, it was just like his special drawings and photographs. So that was really like one of these special things. And then he also made us, He made me a, oh my God, a ceramic, a sculpture of, it was him, like the thinker, like sitting on a rock with his heart. Oh my God, that's so cute. And it was like his heart was, like you could see through it to his heart that he painted red, like sitting, like thinking. Oh my God. And he was giving me his heart. It was all art, it was great.

I was gonna say how, that's like, I mean.

I was so romantic, he was the most romantic guy, I swear to God, I've ever dated. It was really, really sweet, yeah. I loved him. I know. And I remember like sitting in my room and then I bought lingerie for the first time. It took me like an hour to get those friggin— those thigh highs on with the garters.

Yeah, the garters are the hardest part.

They're so— you can't— gotta clip the things and then the ones in the back and they never— but I remember like just feeling like the first time I did it. And I remember like, I don't remember what I got him. I can't remember. It was something probably not creative in that way. But yeah, and then we had great sex in the bedroom. It was fun with roommates. That's what you do.

And that's like, yeah, and it's so simple, but it's just something that, uh, something that is very specific to your interests and your, like, your desires and the relationship you have together. It's not your average whatever.

It's nice. It doesn't have to be— I mean, depending on who you're with, but God, you know, it's just really nice to, to mark those memories, you know, and to have something special like that. It feels good. We all want to feel special. Yeah. And we all want to know why our partner loves us.

Exactly. At the end of the day, I was just reading an article that was like— I— we don't have to go off on this too long, but it was really cute because it was like the new I love you. And I was like, what on earth? It was like, I have the most important words you can say to your partner other than I like, and it's not I love you. And I was looking at it, I was like, like anal please. Like, I don't know what, what are people saying? And I looked at it and it was I love you because, and it said that once you get to a point in a relationship where you're like actually like, you know each other and you know, like it's not just about I love you, it's like why you love someone. And that is the number one thing that I have always said that like, I don't just want to know that you like love me, I want to know why you love me, right? And then I've had a lot of like boyfriends in the past be like, well, like, you don't know why you're lovable. Like, it's not my job to like— and it's not about that. It's not about validation. It's about being with someone who like sees you, right? Yeah. And like who like looks at you and is like, this is why I love you. And like, that's really important. So that's awesome.

I think it is really important because you want to know, um, yeah, you really do want to know. Like, do you see— do you get me? Do you see the beauty in me?

Like, I'm an individual. Yeah. Like, what makes this love different from any other love that you might have?

So exactly. No, I think That's a really important point. Okay, I did not— I couldn't— I gotta pick my favorite. I did not pick my favorite favorite because I liked, you know, of course, typical Emily, I highlighted like 10. So, um, it was very hard for me to choose my favorite, you guys. But, um, this— I love this one. Okay, this is from Marcella. Marcella, this was awesome. I love this one. Um, I wanted to share my best Valentine's Day. Um, in my life, I always have been and loved being spontaneous. My guy at the time, I went to do breakfast with some friends. It was winter. I had a cute coat that went down to my knees. I gave him a brief peek of what I was wearing when I picked him up. He was dying. I had thigh-high stockings, miniskirt, no panties, and a tight button shirt. At the restaurant, he couldn't stop staring at me. Our friends never knew he and I had a thing. It was a secret relationship. Both of us were single. I told him he couldn't touch me till we got back to his house. Well, as soon as we were getting to the door, he kept trying to touch me. We get inside, he flipped me over his sofa and banged away. We did every position you could think of. Later that That same night he had candles going for me, blindfolded me, and gilded ice cubes— glided or gilded? They were gold, right? Glided ice cubes over my body, sucked hot chocolate fudge from my breasts. It was all very romantic, was the best Valentine's Day ever. Um, Valentine's Day ever with him. Almost every day was spontaneous. We had crazy sex in crazy places. Memories. That's a good one.

I'm all about it. And what's funny is she did— she actually tweeted you to let you know that she had sent one. Oh, she was like really into it. So that was hot.

I love that one. I still— I have a friend in college who that she went to a guy's house with the long jacket and like it was a Michigan winter. And so it was like literally like 10 below, you can't find your car, like there's snow everywhere. And she like trekked over there like in her Timberland boots and like a long jacket and like nothing, it was freezing. I think she was drunk, but like, and like nothing underneath it. And it was like, she, it was like crazy at the time. Like you went over there in the trench coat, but hot. Have you guys ever done that?

No, I've never done that before. I don't own a trench coat. I think that's my biggest problem.

I need to buy one.

That's your biggest problem. I've like tried to attempt to do the secret reveal of laundry, before, but, uh, that it was not— it's not as graceful.

No, it's hard, right? Right, exactly. Thigh highs actually are the, are the, um, solution now to, to garters because they're the same thing without the clips. Yeah, FYI, BTW.

Yeah, last Valentine's Day I tried to put on lingerie and do the sexy surprise thing, and he was in the other room and had no idea that I was in there like with candles on like waiting. And finally I was like, hello, like, are you going to make your way in here anytime soon? I'm just like sitting there with like cross— was he like playing games?

I was gonna put him on like one more round.

Yeah, I was finally like, all right, you better get in here. Like, it's time for this. And like candles everywhere.

Like, oh, that's nice. But eventually he showed up. That's good. Okay, you guys, thank you. These were awesome. I think— I wonder if we could post these as a blog on the website.

Uh, yeah, I think we're actually going to.

They—

by now they will probably be in there.

I didn't even read all— like, one of them I was getting super turned on. We're gonna post them all on the website, so check them out Sex with Emily. Happy Valentine's Day. We'll be right back. Um, right now, a quick shout out to our sponsors. Thank you for supporting them. Um, we love them. I hope you do too. We'll be right back. Okay, now we're on to emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, just email me. Um, you can go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit. That's it. You can also check the box that you want to be called. You can also— and we'll set up a call for you and we'll talk to you on the show. You can also leave a voicemail, 818-ASK-SWE1. As always, include, uh, information— your gender, age, where you live, and how you listen to this show.

And also your Social Security number and your bank routing number.

Exactly.

Thanks.

Just last 4 digits.

Yeah, social keeps the show free.

Exactly. Your mother's main name.

Log into Uber.

Oh, that'd be awesome. Awesome, right?

Postmates me coffee.

Okay, uh, poor Mads, she wanted coffee for the show, didn't happen. I had the cutest Postmates guy drop me off dinner last night. Oh my God, not only that, I didn't even know he was cute before he showed up. It was like Postmates, it's a delivery service that's here. I think it's in San Francisco, it's not everywhere, it's in major cities.

So any state you live in, the major city has it.

It's kind of like the— what's the one in every city?

It's better than Eat24.

It's like there's like DoorDash, there's like DoorDash.

There's a bunch of different—

what's the one that we use or 324 and Grubhub.

Grubhub. Okay, so this is like— because I was in San Francisco and actually passed their office. Oh yeah, they're based there, I think, but they're— none of my friends knew about it yet. Here's the point. We like— I like Postmates. It's easy. I don't know, it's user-friendly. But I ordered from— what's the vegan place? Okay, I did this last night. This is my memory.

I can't eat the vegan daily.

Yes.

Oh my God, I order from them from Postmates all the time.

I did not know they were on Postmates. So I love— I— we— and it's so plentiful.

They're It's great.

This is what I was eating for lunch. Okay, so anyway, typically when they say they let you know when they're coming, the app, it's like between 45 and 55 minutes. Then you order and it tells you exactly like it will be here at 9:07, and that's typically correct. Yeah. However, I get a text from him and he's like, hey Emily, your food's gonna be here in 10 minutes. It was like 20 minutes early. I already loved him.

Love it.

And then he shows up, he's like, your food's hot. I'm like, you're freaking hot. You're so hot. Would you like to come in? What'd I say to him? I think I said, um, I'm— I said, I'm so happy to see you. And my food— like, I think I— it wasn't me to make it sexual, but it kind of— like, the way I said it was like, I'm so glad you're here. I mean, of course, like, with the food, something like that. I didn't do anything inappropriate. I did give him 20% tip.

There you go.

Which was generous. And that's another thing, you can tip on the app. Yeah, it's so convenient. Here's the point: you're doing it so you don't have to deal with the cash with a lot of these apps. Like, everyone— every app should allow you to tip on the app. Okay, but let's get to emails. Hi Emily, thanks so much for your podcast. I was wondering if it would be weird to call a guy daddy in the bedroom. I've never done it before, but I think it would sound great. Would it be a good idea to ask him before I do this? I'm not sure how weird that would be, if weird at all. Thanks for your help all the time. Love ya, Marie, age 24. I thought this was a great question. I don't remember getting— again, I don't always remember everything, thousands of questions over the years, but I think this is a great one because I'm glad that, Marie, that you're asking me first because it can be a a very triggering word for men and women.

Yes.

Like, a guy could say, hey, who's your daddy? And she's like, what? Like, you know, incest? What are you thinking? And for guys, they're like, you know, what could this mean? Like, it could mean that, you know, you've got daddy issues. Guys love jumping on the daddy issues things. Okay, um, pet names, as we know, they are common in the bedroom, and I understand why daddy might sound cool. And also, it's kind of like '70s porn, like Boogie Nights. I'm like, who's your daddy? Who's your daddy? Like Yeah, it's a thing.

It's a huge porn thing. It is huge porn more than anything else.

So, um, it could also be interpreted, like I said, as women having daddy issues. In your case, I'm gonna assume, um, Marie, that it's more of like— because here's how it's also looked at. You could see like, oh, it's, you know, some daddy thing, but typically it's not. It's more like you're the protector, you're the dominant one, like kind of like you're the boss, right? Who's the boss? Um, but it can also make you know, a guy feel like a perpetrator. Yeah, but again, I don't think that's the case. And I do think it could freak him out or turn him on. So I'd say tread lightly and kind of play with dirty talk. So I'm thinking like, you know, see how it goes. Just be like— I don't know, how would you say, like, uh, you're my daddy, spank me daddy, I've been a good girl daddy?

Yeah, like maybe it's like when you're about to have sex, like when it's like getting, like getting to that point and you're just like, oh yeah, like, you— am I a naughty girl? Yeah, you kind of like refer to yourself as like a naughty girl and he's like into into it, then you could be like, oh, like, you know, like, okay, Daddy, like, that would be a good suggestion. Yeah, because it's— that might also make it clear to him that you're not having daddy issues, you're like being sexy, right?

You're asking for like, if you can get like an increase in your allowance.

Yeah, it's okay.

Oh no, that'd be wrong.

You're like, okay, yeah, you're like, should I take off my socks, Daddy? And he's like, what?

Right, exactly. Have I been right? What do you think, Jamie?

Yeah, no, I think it's just like you can just like pro— like prod it a little bit, like not maybe go right for it Um, also, like, if you're not— if you're already dirty talking, then maybe you can kind of just go right for it because at least he knows you like to talk dirty. But if you're, like, not really dirty talking at all, you definitely want to, like, work into that, I think.

Play up for it. Yeah, I think so too. Not— not— but I wouldn't say that with all dirty talk, but I think daddy can—

dad. Yeah, just because of the fact that it could, like, it really is hit or miss. Like, some guys are gonna be super into it, some guys are gonna be like, oh, okay, weird. You know, just like the same way that, like, if a guy were to, like, I guess it doesn't really work the same way.

What if I said if a guy called me mom, I would be like, but what if a guy said to you like, you know, I'm your— what? Yeah, I'm your dad. Or like, don't upset daddy, or you want to give daddy a blowjob.

Oh my god, um, if they said you want to give daddy a blowjob and it was unprecedented, yeah, I would be like, goodbye. Yeah, suck daddy's dick. Like, I'd be like, uh, goodbye, right?

So tread lightly on this one, I think. I mean, if you— I also think that you could also wait till you're with a guy that you really trust and kind of talk about it first. Like, talk about dirty talk, or like just do it and then talk, but then you might feel safer, get less rejection. We all want to feel safe.

What?

There was a movie or a TV show or something, I forgot what it was, where a girl called— like, a woman called a guy daddy, but he was like older and he had like gray hair, and he like took it like totally the wrong way. And it was like because he was actually like a father age. Yeah, that he like freaked out about it. So maybe like if there's a huge age gap, proceed.

Right, right, exactly, exactly.

Like if it could actually be your daddy, like don't, right? Happen to.

Exactly, like 30-year age difference.

Yeah, I did find a study actually from forktip.com that found that the hottest thing for women— like, that women say the hottest thing for their partners to say in bed is to call them daddy. So maybe we just like to be told—

wait, wait, say that again, guys.

It was things women like their partners to say to them during sex makes me call him daddy.

I think it's more of like a dumb— maybe it's like a BDSM thing. Yeah, but like, if a guy's like, call me daddy, I've never had a guy do that.

That would not— that would I would be so not down for that. I'm gonna be like, what?

I'd immediately snap into daughter mode, like, don't tell me what to do.

And I do have daddy issues, but that— but I still don't think—

no. Yeah, I mean, I totally don't judge you if you like, like that. It's not for me. No, actually, if a guy like— and I would like it more— I like it more when it's like your idea to say it than when a guy like tells you to say it, just because it's like, I'm like, okay, like, call me, you know, like Bobo the Clown. Like, it's just weird. Like, I don't know, like, like, tell me what to do.

But Madison found the study, That's right. That's why, you guys, seriously, there's no, no judgment. There's no right or wrong here. You just got to figure out, tread lightly, you know, if you don't feel safe with somebody. But, you know, hey, try it out.

I think we're the minority. I know a lot of my friends say daddy in bed and they're super into it, and like, they're like, it's like a thing that they do. So, and they're like, like I say, like, they're like more like sexually empowered than I will ever be. So I think that maybe like I'm just on slow on the uptake, which is weird.

The three of us usually think there'd be like one. I don't know, you're right. One of us would like Daddy.

Maybe it's one out of every four, so we just need another.

I know, we ask Michael or some guy. He never talks about sex.

Michael, he's like, don't, don't talk.

Oh, he just—

he just—

okay, okay, Michael, we won't ask. So we are giving you lube for Valentine's Day.

It's a weird question to put him on the spot.

I never asked him anything. Just wait, Michael, just wait. You'll have a mic there next week. Okay. Um, hey Emily, okay, I recently listened to the last show live. Did we do a live show?

Did I remember? I mean, he listened to it like when it aired.

Oh, when it came out, probably. Because, you know, if you're— let's say this is your first time listening. Hi, welcome, we love you. Uh, we release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays. Okay. Uh, and it reminded me that I can write in. Yeah, please do. I'm 22. I've been having sex for about 6 years now, pretty regularly, at least 5 times a week for 6 years.

There you go.

I've dated mostly the same types of girls, but I started seeing a girl recently who's very open with me about her masturbation tendencies and so forth. Usually I've never had a problem with it in other girls because they never actually directly told me. However, I've been having a hard time not feeling weird about the amount she masturbates. Like the other day, she stayed the night at my house and we had sex that night and the next morning. Then I had to go to work and when I got home she told me that she had masturbated.

Dun dun dun! How dare she?

Who is she?

Who is this Martian? Like, she couldn't even wait till I got home from work? I haven't really been able to quite understand how to react to this yet. I've had a significant amount more experience than her, so, and I'm not worried about performing, so I'm not sure where the negative feeling is coming from. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Jay Vasquez. Oh my God, Jay, I love you. We are, we are, I'm telling you, I love this on so many levels because listen, how many times have we gotten the same question in reverse from women?

Every time.

Like, literally, feedback and sex, let me get hundreds of emails a You are the first guy I can remember, and not probably, Jay, let me tell you this, you are representing so many men here because you're not the first guy who's felt this way. You might be the first guy who's emailed me about this, which means that you're very in touch with your sensitivities and your emotions. But again, a lot of women email us like, I'm so confused, like, sex is great, why does my guy have to watch porn and masturbate? So, so this is from the male perspective. And so thank you, Jay, for sending in this question. Okay, I understand that masturbation habits habits are confusing to our partners across the board. You know, um, again, like, a lot of women are like, why does he masturbate? Why does he watch porn? We've covered that so much on the show. So, Jay, you're calling this like a weird feeling, and, and I get it, because I think if I can, Jay, just guess here, you're probably thinking like, I'm a stallion in bed, we had great sex all the time, I'm more— why the hell does she need to bop her baloney?

What do they call it?

Yeah, like the taco Tuesday. What do they call Flipping the taco?

Um, there's a taco one, like the bean. I don't know if there's a taco.

There is one. I just remember. Okay, whatever, it doesn't matter. You're wondering why she, um, it's not Bob the Balloon either. I don't think so. We'll talk about it. There's euphemisms for, for, for— it's the bean. Here's the thing, I understand, um, why that's confusing, but here's the thing, we masturbate before, during, after we have partners. It is a healthy part of life. It's like saying that you, you stopped going to the gym when you had a relationship, or you stopped eating, or going to the movie. Um, it just means that you're saying she's not like the other girls you've dated. It's because she's really comfortable with her sexuality and she likes sex, she likes masturbation, she's not afraid to tell you about it, she's not afraid you're gonna judge her. And I'm assuming if I was nervous, she was probably thought you might get turned on by the fact that you masturbated in her bed. Yeah, because from my experience, when I've shared that information, it's like the hottest thing. Guys are like, wow, you did in my bed? That's hot. Or tell me about the last time you masturbated.

It.

So I think this is just like new to you because you're, you're out there, Jay. You've got a lot of women. It sounds like you're having a good time and you just maybe you need a little more information here on female masturbation habits.

Yeah, totally. And besides, I mean, to Emily's point, like maybe she thought that by sharing that information, like you guys would have sex. She— I mean, just because she masturbated a few hours ago did not mean that she was not down for it again. And like masturbation doesn't replace sex in any way. It's almost completely separate sometimes.

So separate. Yeah, it enhances the experience.

I think it is really separate because I don't think I— there's probably rare people that are like, oh no, it's okay, I masturbated today, I'm good, thanks, I don't need to have sex.

Yeah, who's—

nobody's saying nobody says that. If you're masturbating, you're like, oh yeah, I'm already actually kind of revved up, I already remember what my last orgasm felt like, it can shoot me into the next one.

Exactly. And I think a lot of times when you are having really great sex, you tend to masturbate more. Yeah, like, I know what's your mind when I'm excited. Yeah, yeah, sex, sex, top, top of mind. So, um, I think that, you know, it's not the lack of sex that drives us to masturbate. It's like the abundance of amazing sex. She was just thinking about how hot you were last night. You went to work, she didn't have to. She's lying in bed.

It's a compliment.

What else are you gonna do? It's like, you should take this as a compliment, Jay.

It's like one step below her leaving a chocolate mint on your pillow, right?

But better. Job well done, right?

Maybe. I think it's better, Jay. But if you've— I mean, I hope this, this explained it to you, um, efficiently.

Yeah, I mean, bottom line, like, if It's all normal and she's not— nothing that you're doing is causing this and it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or your relationship or anything like that.

Right.

It's all good.

It's all good, Jay. This is good. So yeah, has nothing to do with you and I understand that weird feeling, feeling threatened, but you're all good. Yeah, totally. Okay. God, I love ghosting questions. This is about ghosting. Okay. Hey Emily, I'm newly single after a 4-year relationship and I do not understand how to date. I recently slept with a guy after 3 dates and the sex was terrible. Irreparable. I tried to guide him, I tried to gently tell him how I like to be touched, but he was completely unresponsive. How do I get out of— how do I get out of going out with him again without being a jerk? I don't want to ghost him, but I also just broke my ex's heart. I don't want to be collecting jars filled with boys' tears forever. That was so poetic. Thanks, Sarah.

Love Sarah.

Sarah, I love that saying.

I know.

God, I've got like waterfalls of men's tears.

I think it's like a water cooler.

I was gonna say a water cooler. Yeah, I was gonna say a dam, dammed up men's tears. But anyway, it doesn't matter, not anymore.

A man—

it's strange. You've got a man-made lake, man-made lake of tears. Um, I totally get it, Sarah.

A dam that your beaver built.

Yes, yes, perfect. Oh, I love it. Okay, so the rules to ghosting. I just had this debate. I was out with some guy friends and they were saying Um, he was talking about— he's like, I had a date last night, the other night, with a girl. I didn't like her. I'm like, you're gonna call? He looked at me like I was a Martian. He's like, no, I'm not gonna call her. Like, why do I need to say anything? And I said, well, I mean, it was one date, I get it. But I said, but a friend of a friend fixed him up. I'm like, well, okay, Brad, let's— so I said to him, okay, how— if you were out with a girl, would you— and you liked her, let's say it was reversed, you went out with a girl, you thought you had a great dinner because this girl thought that it was a great time, she was like, oh, I can't wait to hear from you, and like, let's do it again. And he was like, yeah, Yeah. And then he's like, peace out. He's like, he had ghosted before he like, valet showed up with his car. So I'm saying, so I'm thinking like, okay, but how would you feel if you had a great date with a girl and she was like, yeah, that was fun, we'll talk. And then you kept texting her and you didn't hear back. He's like, yeah, I just, that's what it is. It would go. I'm like, well, he's like, it would be fine. I'm like, or would you rather have her say to you right there? Because typically we know, like, you know what you said to her? Let's say I'll call, I'll call my friend Bob. Let's say Bob said to her, you know what, I'd love to see you again. And she was like, yeah. And then, you know, He texts, whatever he texts, she didn't get back. And let's say she said to him, you know what, Bob, um, I actually think this was great, but I don't really feel like a, like a connection in that way, but you're awesome and, um, it was so nice meeting you. And like, let him know right there in the moment. He's like, I don't want to hear that. I said, well, what's worse? Like, what? So this is a little another level. This is like you slept together, you went on 3 dates, and then just to ghost just seems a lot more intense to me. Yeah. But I just think, I feel like to say, I think she should be in touch with him and just say, I wasn't feeling it. But then he's gonna forever feel insecure about his abilities sexually. I think that if—

Oh, sorry, go ahead.

No, but then he's gonna feel that anyway if you don't respond, he's already gonna assume that.

I think that saying, I don't know, maybe, 'cause I've never had anyone say this to me that I can remember, What's wrong with saying the chemistry isn't there? Like, if you're like, you know, I had a really great time, like, I think that you're awesome, and like, we have great dates, like, and everything like that, I just don't think that that like romantic chemistry is there. You say romance, he's out of there, right? Like, the second you say it, he's like, oh, okay. And he'll be like, can we have sex again? You can be like, no. And then that's it, you're done.

I just don't feel the chemistry. I don't feel a connection to you, a romantic connection. I don't feel the intimacy. Whatever you want to say.

I think that that's harder for more like girls to hear from a guy because like I feel like girls want to feel special more than guys do usually. And so like if a guy were to say that to a girl, like, oh, the chemistry is just not there, she'd be like, I'm fat, I'm ugly, okay, my vagina, I do it.

Set his house on fire.

But then, so then, and then girls, I feel like because they think a lot with their emotions, so they think a guy might also react that way. So that's why they don't want to say that, right? But I think it's better— guys are usually better. I, I don't know why. I feel like it would be better for you to be like, hey, like, how would you say it then if you were—

if you were like, What would it be?

It's like a guy.

I'm just saying, no, Jamie. So this would be a text. I'm assuming Sarah's not gonna call him because you guys don't call. You millennials?

No, that would—

I don't know how old she is. Did she say how old she is? No, but okay. No, so I'm just gonna assume everyone's a millennial. No, just kidding. For this case, what would you say, Jamie? And I'll see what I would—

um, I mean, like, if he were to actually, like, text me and ask me out and I really didn't want to go, I would just be like, hey, you know what, like, instead of wasting both of our times, like, I did have fun, but you're— it's I would just— I would say the same thing. I'll be like, I just don't really feel it. I don't really see it. Um, I don't really see this developing into something.

Like, yeah, that's all good stuff.

If like— but also too, if the guy never hits you up after that date and you don't feel the need to text him, then I think it's okay to just let that teeter off.

Exactly.

Let him ghost. Yeah, let him.

Yeah, exactly.

But then you might like him, you know? You're like, I didn't like you until you didn't like me. And then, you know what I'm saying?

Like, why wouldn't he like me?

I'm a delight. Yeah, I've like gone on like the wor— I remember like being on like this date, I hate it. Like it was a joke with my friends about the date was, and then like a week later I'm like, I can't believe he hasn't called me. Like how dare he decide he didn't like me and I didn't like him. It was, it was very, it was funny. It's a moment, our egos, you know. But I think same thing, I would probably say, or what I've said in the past is too, it's not so bad to say, and this is actually true, but like I'm not really looking for right now, I'm just taking time, just dating, or I'm super busy with work.

Yeah, yeah, I use the busy thing all the time.

I know, but like I truly, for so long young and still was just like busy. I'm like, yeah, that was fun, things are crazy, it was really nice meeting you, I'm not looking— I don't have a lot of time for a relationship right now.

Yeah, totally, right?

You don't have to say yeah, or— but it's also the chemistry thing is—

that's very sexy.

But yeah, I mean, like, if you are busy, there's no shame in using that as your excuse because it's true. I mean, you could make time if you really wanted to, but they don't need to know that.

I think this is— yeah, exactly. I think this is an interesting debate. Like, what would you guys like to Think about it. Like, I want to know for real. This is why I was asking all my— I've got like 3 guy friends. I was like, would you rather hear there's no chemistry or just like a girl might say— and I've done this in my past— like, oh, I'm getting back, or I have a boyfriend, I'm dating someone else. Would you rather hear that, that they're dating someone else, or would you rather hear that she didn't like feel a connection with you guys?

I honestly think that I would rather have someone say like, I don't think that it's there, or like, I don't like— I don't see us moving to that.

You better have the truth.

Well, not only that, it's like if they were like— just because, because the way my brain works, I'm so neurotic— if they were like, oh, I'm dating someone else, I'd be like, well, were they dating at the same time as me? Like, was I just someone they were using to make them feel jealous? Like, who am I as a person to you now with this having happened? I would rather just them just be like, you know what, like, it's not— it's not there.

I think you're right. Honesty is the best policy. I never feel good when it— when I don't— like, if I'm like, I'm dating someone and then I'll see them again, or I— yeah, that's not good.

That wouldn't work for me either. Yeah, because I wouldn't care and be like, oh, is that an issue? Are you exclusively dating this other person? Right, that's just how I look at it, right?

Because you're like, so what, bring her with me, I want to taste her taco. No, bring her with you on the next date. No, but it's just like, it just backfires.

People are too afraid to be completely honest and hurt other people's feelings. It's like, you don't understand like how much more you're gonna hurt their feelings when they find out what you said isn't true, because honestly, like, truth finds a way of coming out regardless.

You're so freaking right, Jamie.

It's called Snapchat.

All right. Yeah. Okay, so you guys don't do another— we're done, we're good. You guys, it was awesome. Thank you for spending Valentine's Day with me, you guys, and everyone listening to the show. I love you all. Thank you, Madison and Jamie. Any parting words?

I know, just like, go home and masturbate.

Yeah, so you guys, seriously, it's a day of love, and just remember, masturbation— don't knock it. It's sex with someone you love. It's true. That's you, baby. Um, okay, thank you, Michael. You can answer this question later. And thank you everyone for listening. I love you all. And check me out all the places, Snapchat, Instagram, all that, @sexwithemily. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback@sexwithemily.com.