Your Guide to Squirting

Okay, so let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or partner play. It is the Hera by Jiu. It's a sleek, powerful Rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds. It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly, mind blowing clitor vibes JJOO is known for. Here's what I love. The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before. I love the Mimi. And the internal arm delivers deep, satisfying vibrations right to your G spot. It's super so soft, ultra quiet and it moves with your body. So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you. And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer. Everyone loves the hera and right now you can get 20 off the hera using code emily20@sexwithemily.com hera that's emily20 for 20 off at sexwithemily.com h e r A so if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it. So go treat yourself. You deserve it.

When you squirt, does that mean you orgasmed?

Orgasm and ejaculation are two different functions. Ejaculation is a release of fluid. Orgasm is, as we know, pleasure.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Squirting during sex how exactly does it happen? Which body part controls it, and what the hell is it made out of? For a vulva owner, squirting is a thing of mystery. But it doesn't need to be. In this special best of episode, I'm giving you my tips and firsthand experience with squirting, as well as highlights of my conversation with sex educator Deborah Sundal, who teaches us exactly how to squirt. And I mean step by step. For example, did you know, vulva owners, that you have a prostate that's the G spot, despite headlines you see every few months questioning its very existence? Also, did you know that clitoral orgasms and G spot orgasms are two different things? Finally, with time and practice, did you know that every vulva owner can squirt? It's not magic, it's your anatomy. Plus, I take your questions on squirting from how to start, best positions to do it, and how to communicate to your partner what you want them to do all right Intentions with Emily for each episode Join me in setting an intention for the show so when you're listening, think of what you want to get out of the show. Well, my intention is to dispel any and all mysteries about female ejaculation so you can explore it for yourself. I want you to walk away knowing that squirting is within your reach. If you want to try it, please rate and review Sex With Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, how to have Sex Standing up is up@sexwithemily.com and also check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. For more information on squirting, check out my article the Secrets to squirting@sexwithemily.com if you want to ask me a question, just call by hotline 559-talk-SEX or 559-8254-5739. Just leave me your questions or message me at sex with emily.com askemily all right everyone, enjoy this episode.

Deborah Sundahl is the foremost pioneer on female ejaculation and the G spot. She's the author of the seminal book Female Ejaculation and the G Spot and has spent 35 years making groundbreaking contributions to the field. She lectures and gives workshops in North America and Europe and has taught thousands of men and women how to integrate the G spot and female ejaculation into their erotic lives. She continues to be a spokesperson for female sexuality and an advocate for sex education. Find out more about Debra sundahl@debrasundahl.com so you're going to hear a lot of juicy advice on this episode about how to try squirting if that's something you're curious about. No pressure. But before we get into it, here are my top three pointers to keep in mind while you're listening. Number one, get to know your anatomy. It's amazing how we can literally unlock pleasure simply by becoming aware of body parts we didn't know we had. So take that mirror between your legs and look at what you have going on and get to know it. Number two, slow down. The G spot orgasm, as you'll hear throughout this episode, functions differently than a clitoral orgasm, and it requires some slow, steady buildup. A lot of you call in or email that you get frustrated and you think you've tried and you've tried once or you've tried twice. You know this is a process. This is like getting in shape. Think of it that way. You're getting in shape to Figure out your own body and learn how to squirt and learn how different orgasms slow it down and build up to the orgasm number three. Let it go and let it flow. Here's the thing. Squirting can feel like peeing. Maybe it'll always feel a little bit like peeing. That is okay. You're training your body to do something new. So resist the clenching and the fear around it and see what happens. So let it go and let it flow. So let's address the urine situation. Is it pee when there's a female ejaculate present? Is it pee? Is it urine? And I always say, and I maintain this, who cares what it is? Does it matter if it feels good and there's pleasure? We shouldn't be all tripped up on, is it urine? Is it not? But what I can tell you, and there have been studies that have shown that with the female ejaculate, there are traces of urine and there's traces of ejaculate in the fluid. Specifically, there's a prosthetic specific antigen or a PSA referred to as female ejaculate that can be found in the liquid squirted in some individuals. So listen, sex is fun, sex is hot, sex is sexy, and sex can be messy. Onto the show. Let's find out from Deborah what the biggest misconceptions are about squirting and the anatomy. You need to know if you want to try it. Let's talk about what are the biggest misconceptions around female ejaculation. Like you said, there's so much confusion around it. I can tell you we have a bunch of questions that have come in to people want to know if it's urine, can every woman ejaculate? Why can't I? Is it real? You know, just all the things.

Yes. So all women can ejaculate because the G spot is the female prostate and female ejaculation is prostatic fluid. And all women have a prostate just like all men do. It's fully functional, just like the male prostate. Date. As a feminist, we're very used to hearing, you know, about diminished women's experiences. Well, this is a classic case.

Yeah, it is a classic case of this. So let's talk about. Let's first start with the G spot because in reading about your, your in person seminars that you do in person workshops, you actually sit with women in a room and you introduce them to their G spot and you teach them how to ejaculate. And I think that even the fact that you've been doing this for 30 years. I have to tell you some news that women, unless they've taken your workshop or they've done their own research, they still don't know how to find their G spot. They still don't know. I mean, I would love to say that it's changed. I don't know what the numbers were then, but I still think it's really, really confusing. I even call it the G area because I think when you say spot, people are like, oh, it's this one spot. So how would you describe how to find the G spot?

G spot is an unfortunate name.

It is an unfortunate.

Named after the famous book the G Spot by Whipple and Perry. Sexologists and scientists. G spot is named after Grafenberg, the urologist from the 30s who knew about female ejaculation, who knew about the female prostate. But his work was ostracized. And so an academic tradition Whipple and Perry built on his work and therefore named, you know, named him on that cover of that book.

Okay.

Fortunately, G also stands for goddess spot.

Oh, goddess spot is so much better. Yeah, I like goddess spot. That is it. So, people, I think there is all this confusion about, you know. Well, let's talk about the clitoral orgasm versus the G spot orgasm. How would you describe them?

Well, first of all, G spot is the female prostate. The female prostate surrounds the ureth. It starts at the outside opening of the body, and its 32 ducts and glands are sprinkled along the urethral canal about 2 inches. So therefore, because the urethral canal and the vaginal canal share the same wall, that means you can easily access the prostate through the roof of the vagina. You can easily feel it. It literally hangs down through the roof of the vagina. It's a prostate. It's not the clitoris. The clitoris is primarily erectile tissue. We have the little nub on the outside of the body full of nerves. But as feminist healthcare nurses Rebecca Chalker and Susan Gage in 1982 redefined the clitoris, they said, hey, it's not just a little nub on the outside of the body that feels so good. It's actually erectile tissue that extends 4 to 5 inches inside the body. They thought these women were nuts for 15 years. Well, now they've seen this structure in the cadaver, right?

Yes, the stuff.

There's little puppets you can buy. Little. Wait, women have made the vulva puppet. So you have the vulva puppet, and this is Clitty.

I like the Clitty puppet.

Puppet yeah, but yeah, here's her little, you know, and here's her wings and her bulb. She has these parts. A part that surrounds the urethra and a part that surrounds the vagina.

Yeah.

So the G spot is actually the female prostate plus its erectile tissue.

Yeah. Isn't it kind of like internal clitoral nerves then? Or would you just say even before that it's a prostate? But I always tell people it's all connected, I guess is what I'm saying.

It's all connected. You see, the clitoris has a different nerve than the G spot. And again, we get this from Whipple and Perry. That was one of two major discoveries they made and why they wrote a book. Okay? Two nerve theory. The pudendal nerve goes to the clitoris, penis. The pelvic branch of the vagus nerve goes to the prostates, male and female. Two different nerves, two different orgasmic experiences. So we all know the clitoral penis orgasm.

Panting, fast stimulation, whether it's for a guy on the penis or for the vibrator with the women. And hold your breath and you have, you know, a good orgasm. You clench up your body and sure, it's a good orgasm. G spot prostate orgasms, okay, are the opposite. Long, slow breaths. Because we're dealing with the vagus nerve, okay? Which I'll explain in a minute, but it's long and slow breathing. You relax instead of clenching. Do not vibrate the prostate. It is an organ of the body and if you vibrate it, you kind of click in that pudendal nerve. And so it's not so easy to access that G spot nerve if you're vibrating away. Also, you move the body, okay? Because you're building this huge orgasm which is full bodied, starts in your toes, spreads up your legs, makes your legs shake. I mean, it comes out your head, you can see stars. It's a powerful physical orgasm. It's not your bliss orgasm, where, you know, if you're in tantra or eastern traditions, you're doing the circulating breath, which is mostly from the pelvis up, from the stomach up, okay? And you can kind of ride this wave of energy orgasm. No, I'm talking as a feminist body. As a woman, she thighs, right? Birthing down into the floor, right? We ejaculate down and into the ground, you know, we menstruate same, you know, it's very physical, full body orgasm. So you need to breathe and build that.

Okay, that's amazing. Oh, my God.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

It does sound good. And do you think that. So where do we start with that?

You know where I start with that. I start with anatomy.

Yes.

My PowerPoints are anatomy. Women have to know they have a prostate. I mean, we have a missing body part. All the studies done on, oh, women can orgasm and it takes us longer. And you need 20 minutes of foreplay. This is the news. When you relax.

And you just touch the prostate, you know it fires up like this. Your arousal, our arousal is accessible. It's immediate and it's powerful. We just have not known we have a prostate and we haven't known how to touch her.

So in reading your book and I have not take your workshop, but you talk about this workshop where the women take a mirror. Because I'm always telling women just take a look at their vulva, but I don't often talk about them going inside. But how you push out your pelvic floor and you can see the ridges of your G spot.

Yes. And all women who are listening to this, you can do this. This is your homework, is you sit down on the floor. You need a mirror, not your little lipstick mirror, ladies. Okay, nice big 8 inch mirror. Prop it up on a stand or lay it against a pillow, which you place as you sit on the floor between your legs. Then two fingers on each hand, place them gently, one on each labia. Slowly spread your labia apart. Push out with your pelvic floor muscles and see if you can see the ridges, the famous ridges of your G spot.

Okay?

Some women will see their. Literally some women just do that and they're like, oh, there it is. And they're completely shocked. Some have said, I thought that was a prolapse. It's like, it's not. Okay, this is alarming. I know, but it does happen. Maybe we'll get into that later, maybe we won't. But you know, but other women, they're going to have to practice this three, five times, you know, take a break, try it again. Because number one for many women, well, they never did this before. Some women never even looked at their vulva before. And then some women haven't really used their pelvic floor muscles to push out like that. So right away you have three things you've never done before. You just practice, ladies. That's all. Keep at it. And some women have more meaty or smaller labia. And so it's a little harder to pull apart or it's a little, you have to peer a little deeper in if they're more meaty. But all you have to do, you can See, it is push out. Look for that urethral canal. Because remember, the prostate surrounds the urethral canal, and it's right there at the outside of the body, from the outside, just two inches in. So look for that urethra. And then when you push, you're going to see her peek out from underneath the urethra. You'll start to see her little ridges.

We're going to take a quick break, but stick around. We come back more sporting tips with Deborah Sundahl.

Next up, the best sex positions to try squirting for yourself.

Women haven't had the vaginal orgasm because they're going too fast. You have to slow down to have that orgasm.

And so for some women who maybe are having orgasms that way, it's. It's probably rubbing. I was. Your clitoris is maybe rubbing on your partner, and that's what's going to happen. But it's not internal.

If anything's in the vagina, fingers, toy penis, you're stimulating the prostate. You cannot not stimulate it. It's right there on the roof. So it's always getting stimulated. It's just. It's numbed out due to the way we make love in Western culture, which is to ram, ram, ram, ram.

So we're talking like slow.

Well, slow and steady. Slow and steady. Rhythmic in and out. That's how you.

Breathe and relax, move your body, you know, with the rhythm. So it's a dance, it's not a mechanic. It's an art. Right, so it's body talk. Okay, so it's not your mind saying, could you please hurry up, you know.

Because nothing happens that way.

I want you to do this, that, and the other thing, right? It's like, no, you have to breathe. You have to move your body. This is. Think of the word build. You build, building pleasure throughout your body. And you do that with the breath and the movement.

Right?

And this is basic tantra. Actually, this is where tantra enters the picture with the G spot. Orgasm is. Tantra teaches to move your body to breathe. Because what they're doing is they're breathing this arousal, pleasure all around the body. They're filling. Really. They say they're filling their cells with pleasure. And you are.

Yes.

You just build it until you just. You have that orgasm. Those muscles are going to push out. Those powerful pelvic floor muscles are going to push out and you'll just explode into an orgasm.

Yeah.

And you push out. It wants to push out whatever in your vagina, right? So take the toy out, take the Penis out.

That's it. That's exactly like my kind of orgasms too. You push out, but we always think, oh, it should be happening with the penis. Or what is a good position for this? If we're talking about penetrative sex, what have you found?

The best to learn is to kneel next to your bed, place your upper torso on the top of your bed, or stand up, place your upper torso on maybe counter height or even a table so that your upper torso is supported and secure. Because you got to move your hips and you do it from behind.

Yeah. Oh, do it from behind yourself.

Yeah. Because you're, you're supporting your upper body so it's secure and you're lying on one arm. So you're free here.

Yeah.

Right. To do it from behind.

Yeah.

Or even from in front.

Even if you're with a part. What if you're with a partner?

Same position.

Okay. Same position from behind.

And women are moving their hips. Women are feeling that pleasure.

Yeah. And they're.

They have more control too, because they can also jump off the penis.

Okay. This is so great. I want to go back. There's so much here.

There is. Can I just say that for a minute? There is a lot to it. It is not a simple little thing, but it's also not hard. And I make it accessible.

You really do make it accessible. And this is the area where I. I just think it's hands on, literally. And it's just rewiring our brains around what is possible. Now that we know a lot more about how squirting works, let's talk about what it's made of, how to prep, and the difference between orgasm and squirting. When you squirt, does that mean you orgasmed?

Orgasm and ejaculation are two different functions. Ejaculation is a release of fluid. Orgasm is, as we know, pleasure.

So. And you can also orgasm without ejaculating. And you can ejaculate without orgasm.

Yes.

Okay.

You can ejaculate before orgasm, during orgasm, or after orgasm, or not ejaculate at all. Right.

So can all women squirt? Is the next question.

All women can ejaculate because all women have a prostate. Female ejaculation is prostatic fluid. Therefore, all women can ejaculate if you want to.

Okay. Are there certain positions to hit the G spot better?

The best position to hit the G spot is to know where she is located.

Find her. Right. Then you'll know your best position.

Exactly. You position yourself.

Exactly. So that brings me to the next question. I have a hard time explaining. Explain to my boyfriend exactly how to hit my G spot and then actually make me squirt using his hands. Can you explain in simpler terms?

Well, that's like fancy backward and high heels. I mean, he doesn't need to use his hands for you to ejaculate. That's something that porn started and it's gotten way out of control. I mean, uses his penis. That's why a man's got a penis, you know? So mostly he just needs to slow down. And when you're ready to ejaculate, he needs to come out of your vagina. Your pelvic floor muscles are going to push him out. Because your body's full of ejaculate, your muscles are just going to take over and push it out. That penis has to come out. Most women cannot ejaculate with something in their vagina. 30% of women like the on top position and they for some reason can ejaculate in the on top position. Yes, but most women can't. Right, because they're not doing that.

Exactly, because then it's kind of coming out of you. My wife can only squirt through oral. How could I help her do it during intercourse?

Awareness. Using the penis. Knowing what you're touching with your penis and awakened penis on an awakened g sp spot is going to be electric.

How to get over the feeling that I'm going to pee and stop that sensation. So this is what. Why we don't do it? Because we're so afraid we're going to pee. So how do we touch?

That's right. We mistake the urge to ejaculate for the urge to pee.

How do we know? We just practice.

We've been told that female ejaculation doesn't exist. So if we feel that, that pee urge, what else is it? It's P. Well, because we haven't known that. No, it's ejaculate. And as you ejaculate, you get to distinguish between the two. But it is subtle. If you are aroused and you're having intercourse of one type or another. Penis toy fingers. And you feel that urge to pee, that is the urge to ejaculate. Just let go. Let it flow.

Let go and let it flow. And if it is? Well, how about this though? What's the liquid made of and where does it come from? When women squirt, everyone wants to know, is it P? Isn't it P? There's been all these studies. What's your answer?

To that female ejaculate is prostatic fluid. Therefore it's 90% prostatic fluid and 10% glucose. What's in prostatic fluid? Just the same as what's in the, the male prostatic fluid. It's the food and the nutrients and the protective environment that is alkaline for the sperm when they get their way to the egg. Okay, so is female ejaculation. That is its biological function is to protect that sperm. So it's full of vitamins, nutrients.

So what about the traces of urine? I'm just going to ask.

Oh, that happens sometimes. I mean, mostly women who are first learning if you have traces of urine, don't worry about it. The best analogy isn't the prettiest, but you know, it's like a pump that needs to be primed. And I mean, the water that first comes out isn't the best looking. Be nice to yourself. Just forget about the whole urine thing until you have this working in your body. Also, women are pushing too hard. They want that ejaculate to come out and so they're pushing too hard. So it's better to relax, let it slowly build and it'll just kind of come out of the body.

Yes, yes. So how about this? How should you talk about it with a partner and prep for cleanup in a way that's still sexy? I get a lot of the cleanup questions and it's too messy. Do you have any recommendations?

Well, this is the thing with once you ejaculate, you gotta prepare. You know, we don't always want to prepare for sex. And you know, you still have hang ups around it. Like, oh my God, if I prepare I spoil the mood. Well, you get one of those beautifully female ejaculation blankets. Invest in that and throw it on the bed. You know, it's beautiful and comfortable and that's what you do.

Yeah. And then you put in the wash. That's right.

The biggest obstacle to women not ejaculating is this fear of letting go. This fear of pee. Yeah, okay. That's their biggest obstacle. The second obstacle, well, that has to do with the orgasm is letting the wild woman out. This is not your tiny Victorian orgasm.

No. We're like, it's those deep sputteral. Yeah.

Women who run with the wolves. You know that great book by Jungian analyst Clarissa Pinkola este, women who run with the wolves? This is your wild woman. You know, and that vagus nerve is emotional by nature, so it's also an emotional orgasm. You're gonna scream, you're Gonna emote your pleasure. You know, sometimes you can. Yeah. Laugh and cry and it's emotional. Women love that. That's there.

That's it. It's a relief. Yeah, it is emotional. I feel like as I've gotten more accepting and as I've matured in my life, my orgasms are so much louder and so much more powerful.

Right.

You have to be with a partner that like, that's the thing. It's like we. You have to be with someone that you feel safe with, that you can let go and trust. And if you're not and you're worried they're going to judge you and there they have judged you, then that might not be your person.

That's right. So therefore you can't say I can't do this. It's like, no, that's not totally accurate. You just don't have the right circumstances.

Right after the break, I'm going to answer all your questions on squirting.

Now it's time to hear from all of you. I'm going to answer your squirting questions. This is Steph, 26, from Sydney, Australia. Hey, Dr. Emily. I'm 26 and I've never orgasmed. I think. I think I've never orgasmed. I enjoy sex and I'm not afraid to talk about it. But the big O has always eluded me. Last night, for the first time ever, I squirted with the help of a trusted FWB friends with benefits. No idea how it happened, but it didn't really feel like anything. I always thought orgasms and squirting were one in the same. But can you squirt without orgasming? I found it exciting that I managed to squirt but can't help but feel a little disappointed. I didn't get the feeling of release that I expected to come with it. Thanks. Always. Alright, Steph, here's the thing. Absolutely you can squirt and not orgasm. And you can orgasm, as we all know, without squeezing squirting. So sounds like that's what's happened to you. You're thinking that you've never orgasmed. You probably haven't orgasmed. And I'm curious about your own self. Love practice. Have you tried to orgasm on your own using all the techniques I talk about on the show? Always on the show. And you know, we have a lot of great information on our website, but it is important to continue to understand your own body without a partner there. It sounds like you have a great friends with benefit who was instrumental in your squirting. It sounds like, but you're still having that release, you're still not having that pleasure. Or maybe you're still enjoying sex, but you're not having the orgasm. I tried for a long time with the partner early on to have my first orgasm with a partner and it just didn't work. I had to just have no one looking at me, no one around, and I had to figure it out on my own. So maybe that's the same for you, Steph. So I just encourage you to take time, get to know your body and maybe one day you will find that you squirt and orgasm. But I also have to say I think it's more common than not. It's more common to squirt without orgasm than to squirt with orgasm. So I'd like to dispel that myth. There's a lot of women squirting these days and they're not orgasming. This is from Jim, 62 in Utah. Hey Dr. Emily. My wife is 59 and she's the low libido partner in the marriage. I encourage her to explore herself, but she really doesn't feel any desire. She invested in Yodi eggs, she won't use them, has multiple vibrators that collect dust. She never had an orgasm until we married when she was 36 and I went down on her on our wedding night. She says she is incapable of multiple orgasms. I encourage her to masturbate so she can learn what works for her and she can show me. I thought for some time that I could help her have a squirting orgasm and that would that the effort would be worth it and could maybe lead to mind blowing leg tremor inducing multiple orgasms. I've worked on learning how to make that happen and she doesn't get much out of it. Yesterday we were listening to Dipsea, which is an audio erotica app and we were getting hot. I noticed how wet she was getting and started to work on stimulating her G spot clitoral area. Next thing I knew I was thinking we should have a towel down. She was squirting everywhere but she didn't have any orgasmic response. Now the question is there any information on the percentage of women that squirt but don't feel anything? I know there's plenty of women who have multiple orgasms and haven't been able to squirt. She feels cheated when it took so long to get to squirting and it was anti climatic, no pun intended. I also feel discouraged that it wasn't, that it wasn't what other women said it would be. I wanted to feel like sex is worth the effort and not just once a week. All right, well, very similar to Steph in Australia. It's. You can squirt without orgasm. You can orgasm without squirting. So did she have an orgasm during all this play yesterday? Does she have orgasms? What I'm hearing is frustration from you that she's not feeling desire and she's not really masturbating. And you really tried for her to squirt, and she finally squirted, but it wasn't the right kind of squirting. And even if it's not an orgasm, squirting can still feel like a great release. So I'm wondering if what's going on with your wife? Is she, you know, you say she has no desire? She's 59. Is she on medications? Has she got her hormones tested? You know, maybe she's in menopause and she doesn't really have desire like she used to. But let me hone in on one thing here. You were both listening to audio erotica and getting hot. That's a great sign. She was getting wet, she was getting turned on. You stimulated her G spot and clitoral area, and she orgasms. So to me, we have to remember that we have to understand desire. And it sounds like listening to Radhika you've just learned is something that's really going to work for your wife. And so I wouldn't give up hope yet. You sound very, very frustrated. So I'm wondering if it is just about the sex or there's something else you might be needing from your partner. Is it just more intimacy? Maybe it's just more touching because this sounds like a really good time. And how did she feel after squirting? Even though she said it was anticlimactic? Must have felt good to be aroused and turned on with her husband. Right? So I think rather than getting really specific here on, like, this has to be squirting. It has to be multiple orgasms. Let's just understand how your wife can feel more desire and get curious about her orgasms. What does make her orgasm? What feels good to her? And the more you do this kind of work and you make it more about her finding pleasure, then you know you're gonna have more pleasure and it's all gonna work out. Okay? So thank you, Jim, for your question here, and let me know how it goes. Thank you so much to Deborah Sundell and thanks to all of you for your fantastic questions. I hope you're excited to go forth and experiment with these techniques, whether you're a vulva owner or with a special vulva in your life.

That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like subscribe and give us a review Wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter exwithemily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email, so sign up@sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-talk-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or go to sexwithemily.com askemily Special thanks to Acast for powering the Sex with Emily Power podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedbackexwithemily.com.

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