EP441: PIVOT! The Anatomy of the Holy FCK Moment + What to do When You are Inside of IT!

Nobody talks about the moment after the pivot. The moment after you make the brave decision. Announce it, celebrate it, breathe it all in. And then suddenly, you're face to face with yourself in the quiet, whispering, holy. What did I just do? You know, this moment, the adrenaline fades, the hype evaporates. The old life is gone and the new one hasn't shown up yet. This episode is for those that are in that moment. The moment where your soul said yes, but your nervous system is screaming, abort the mission. Let's talk about what's actually happening, why it feels like a big old panic attack, and what to do when your leap of faith feels more like a free fucking fall. Hey. Hey.

And welcome to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o'. Malley, Enneagram expert leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet. Now, if you're new here, buckle up. This is absolutely not another fluffy Enneagram podcast where we talk about how sweet it is to be an Enneagram too, and bake cookies for your friends. No, this is the real deal. This show is about using the Enneagram as a tool for transformation. Not just information and definitely not some party trick. Because knowing your type is cute, but embodying your highest expression, that is where your edge is. Every week, I'm bringing you the truth behind the types and the hype. How to stop self sabotaging, lead like a damn legend, and actually understand the people in your life without wanting to scream into a pillow. Or if you're an Enneagram, ain't like me not throat punch someone. We'll talk about leadership, relationships, business, healing, high performance, and why couples therapy isn't working. But fully understanding your Enneagram blueprint might just save your marriage. I'll drop solo episodes behind the curtain, coaching, and the occasional rant when someone calls the Enneagram just a personality test. So if you're ready to stop playing small and start showing up with unshakable clarity, confidence and compassion for yourself and others, this is your space. You've got an edge. Now let's use it.

Hello. Hello and welcome back to an episode of the Enneagram Edge with Tracy o'. Malley. Before we get into the anatomy of the pivot and all of that, I just wanted to share with you something that has happened recently. Because I'm not talking about all of this from just like a wisdom, like, hey, I'm your girl to tell you about all this stuff. Place I'm like living this in real time, which I think is where we do some of our best teachings. And the last episode I dropped landed on a really meaningful day for me. It was about six weeks ago. It was my 13th sober anniversary, which is a huge, huge day for me, honestly. It's. I celebrate that day more than my own actual date of birth because it, it was a rebirth, if you will, you know, And I, I always am reflective on that day and kind of taking my inventory constantly around that time. I do it daily. But, like, especially on monumental anniversary dates like that, I really do go even deeper. You know, it's been 13 years of choosing, like, my own inner work every day over numbing or escaping. 13 years of choosing truth over what feels comfortable and convenient sometimes. 13 years of rebuilding a life that not only I'm proud to wake up to, but one that I rest my head on the pillow every night that I'm excited about, proud of. And here's the big old fucking twist for you. That was the day that I also announced that I was making a pivot. You'd think after 13 years of sobriety, daily work, transformation, building businesses, raising kids, walking through some brutal life chapters, that this holy moment wouldn't hit me in the same way that it used to. Maybe you wouldn't think that it would. Wouldn't hit me at all. Oh, but it does. Because congratulations to myself and to all of you. We're human beings. And I've said this before. I've said it from stages like new levels, new devils. And anytime we are honing the honoring the calling that is on our life and. And the intuition hits that you can't ignore, it doesn't mean we just make the decision. And poof, it's just easy. It's not. It's gonna, it's gonna be a reckoning of sorts. And so this showed up hard, fast and loud for me. Right after the clarity, right after the alignment, right after the full bodied. Yes. I remember feeling like, oh, what did I just do? Right? We're doing this pivot and the identity crisis on the same day. This is fun. And that's when it hit me. You know, pivots do not care how long you've been doing the work, they reveal the next layer you're ready to grow into. And, you know, I've said this before, I'll say it again. Like, this inner work, this transformational work that you do within yourself and even with other people is not a box you check. It's a constant, like, okay, one foot in Front of the other. You know, last I checked, like, we still have to breathe every minute of every day. And just because we've done a lot of this work, I mean, I teach this stuff, and I'm one of the most in integrity coaches that, like, do the work every day, that this doesn't discriminate, this kind of stuff. So if you're in your own holy moment right now, I'm right here with you. And today I'm going to break down exactly what's happening inside of you and how to navigate. Navigate it without backtracking, numbing out, abandoning the thing, changing your mind, and doing the thing that you know you're called to do, no matter how scary it is, no matter what's going on with and for you. So here's the real anatomy of this holy moment, right? First is like, the nervous system kind of crash out. And this doesn't mean, like, your whole body is abandoning you. You know, nervous system regulation. I don't care who you are and how Zen you are and how much you meditate. Like, when we challenge ourselves and things we've always done or even revisit things that are scary, no matter what that looks like for you, your nervous system is going to take a little hit. It's what you do in that moment and how long you stay there, that's like the real thing. That's just like stress, right? We have to stress our muscles to grow them. We are going to have to face a stressful situation in order to grow, right? But it's what we do in those moments and how long we linger there. So let's start here. Nothing is wrong with you if you're having a little nervous system crash out. It's doing exactly what it's designed to do, right? And when you pivot, your brain loses its predictable patterns. The familiar disappears, and the map kind of gets wiped clean. It's like, oh, great, I took this fork in the road, and now I'm going down this. This trail that there's like. It's like a blackout. Like, there's no lights on. And you don't necessarily know, like, how to meander through that. And your biology interprets unknown as unsafe. Now, you know, I've done a lot of this nervous system work, and I have to be really, like, cognizant of when this is happening. You know, the. The shakiness, the scattered brain, even nausea, and that restless irritability, discontentment, overwhelm, like you suddenly forgot who the you are. This isn't failure. This is physiology you guys, your soul makes the pivot, but your body pays the bill first, right? And when I said yes to this new chapter, my body reacted before my brain did. Like when I knew this was a full body. Yes. What I'm doing and the excitement and the adrenaline and all the reality of doing it and, and feeling all the uncomfortable things about starting something new, my body was like, abort the mission. And it wasn't the intuition warning you. It's like you're wiring, kind of bracing for impact. Sometimes, number two that happens is like this identity disorientation, right? This is the deepest part. I think this is the part of the conscious mind, you know, because every pivot destabilizes, like, your identity, even the healthy ones, you know, because you're leaving an old version behind. You're letting go of a role that maybe you're known for or really great at, made a lot of money doing. You're shedding a reputation maybe that you've mastered. It's really easy for me to walk into any room and talk about the Enneagram, honestly, and I'm obviously still passionate about doing that. It's my favorite thing in the world that I get to do. It's real easy to walk into a room where you. You don't need to study, prepare anything. You, this stuff is on autopilot. But when you're starting something new and you feel like a be all over again, it's like a whole different shift. And, you know, this identity shift and disorientation that comes from stepping into something you haven't proven yet. You know, even though the thing I'm stepping into as an industry, I'm very proven in, and I have the receipts and the credibility and the trust and all of that, in this actual part, I haven't proven jack yet. And that can be mind, let me tell you. And the ego, let me tell you, it hates unemployment. It really, really does. Your identity will always panic when your potential steps forward, you know, so being in this expert in this enneagram and coaching space for 12 years, and even though my values and integrity and leadership has come with me on this next pivot, part of me feels like I'm starting over all the time. And that's identity disorientation. And it's totally, totally normal again, all these things are going to happen. They don't. It doesn't mean that, like, you haven't done the work right. It's what we do in these moments that we can leverage this stuff for growth. This is where you have the range, right. Another thing that happens in the pivot is this loss of control and fear of visibility. And this is where shame can get really, really, really loud. Like the. What do people think? Do I look unhinged? Is this going to confuse people? Will they trust me through this pivot? Do I have to rebuild credibility from scratch? This is also where, you know, the comparison monster shows up, especially in my head and heart types. You know, the five, six sevens, two threes, fours, and I'm telling you, I'm an eight. It shows up for me, too. When I kind of put it out there that I was making a pivot, even though I wasn't, like, totally sharing everything, it. I felt very exposed again, quite honestly, like, especially on my Facebook, you know, it's. Facebook's weird. It is weird. It's like sometimes pictures will pop off and 300 people will like it, and the next thing you know, like, two people like it. It's just weird. And when I kind of put it on Facebook and Instagram, you know, that I was shifting into something else at the same time. Doing my coaching and consulting practice, I felt really exposed again. And part of me is like, oh, wow, I didn't know all these people still paid attention to me. But I also felt. I felt exposed in a real powerful, excited way, because, like, okay, people are here. And also exposed in a way is like, oh, my gosh, I want to hide under a rock. But it was like this invitation to stand in my truth without the armor. You know what I mean? It's like I've made this decision with complete clarity. It was a full body, intuitive. Hell, yes. I know what I'm about to do. I. I'm very clear on how this is going to go or how it's going to turn out. Maybe not the roads take to get there. And still. And still it's. It's scary. The other thing that happens is the void. And this one's really hard. This is the space between what was and what will be. This is kind of like the purgatory or the wilderness, I like to say. And this is spiritual territory. The void is where your old life has ended, but your new one hasn't formed yet. And it doesn't have to be like this whole burning the boat situation for you to make a pivot. Like, I did burn one boat, but I haven't burnt all my boats, right? But it can feel like silence, uncertainty, floating, waiting. This anticipation and excitement mixed with a panic attack. But the void is not punishment, right? It's preparation. Any Stories of the wilderness or purgatory. It's where refinement happens. It's like this is where the rubber meets the road and every legendary pivot has a void. And this is where God builds your capacity before the clarity is fully delivered. Right? The clarity of what this looks like. So what do you do about this? Right? You know, I've said this before in this episode that, like, it doesn't mean you didn't do the work. This is all totally normal. But the problem is, is when all those things happen for a lot of you, you stay stuck in it, you ruminate in it, you pull out the old tools that maybe kept you safe, but made this whole thing a whole lot worse. So this is where my edge framework also comes into play, right? This is where we move from understanding into navigating to leading yourself through it and leverag for good and growth. So, you know, asking yourself, what am I actually afraid of? What identity is dying? What identity is being born here? What part of me is terrified and what story am I making up? We make up a whole ton of stories to prevent ourselves from doing the damn things right. For me, the fear isn't failure, honestly. It's being misunderstood and misjudged. It's people questioning my integrity. Once I name that, the fear loses its teeth. You know what I mean? Fear exposed, this fear diffused. You have to kind of call it out and lovingly, like, we don't have to have hate towards this fear. You know, fear has kept us safe a lot of our lives. And I can go way, way, way back, 50 plus years to some of my early, early fears. And I have been like, and the more that we bring them to the surface and bring them out with love and compassion and understanding and like, understanding that most of us come by this stuff innocently, the less power it holds over us. So the first part of the edge form excavation, putting the fear and pulling it into the light, right? So you have to do that first. The D is discernment, separating the truth from the story. So is this fear actually facts? Feelings aren't facts. Feelings feel real, Feelings feel personal. But are they factual or is this just familiar? Is this danger or discomfort? Is this my intuition or is this my ego? That's a big one for me. For example, when I asked myself what was actually happening, the truth was nothing was wrong, nothing was unsafe, nothing was misaligned. It's just uncomfortable. And discomfort isn't danger. Discernment is the moment your power comes back online. Right? But sometimes discernment is A justification process, like we can. And. And this is the hard thing. Like, how do you know if it's discernment or you lying to yourself, right? Your body knows. Your body keeps the score. And this is where really being in tune with your nervous system is something that's very, very important. So g in the edge formula is grace, right? This is where your nervous system, your soul gets a reset. Grace doesn't coddle. I've. I've said this before a lot. Like, you have to know the difference between giving grace and enabling, right? And when we're enabling, whether it's yourself or somebody else's, meeting that with compassion. Because grace isn't coddling. It's. It's regulation. Grace sounds like, of course this feels big. Of course you're scared. My body's adjusting to this. I'm learning a new rhythm. I don't have to have mastery on day one. And I reminded myself of this too. I didn't build my last empire in a day. I built it with one aligned, honest, compassionate step after another. I do it until it doesn't feel as scary anymore. We do it messy, right? Grace keeps you from turning a temporary wobble into a permanent backslide. Finally, in the edge formula is embodiment, right? This is bringing the power now back into your body. And this embodiment shifts you from panic to full presence, even when you're terrified out of your mind. This is why I walk every day. I get up way early, like 4 or 5 in the morning, and I take a walk. Maybe for you it might be breath work, grounding, disconnecting from electronics and the phone, sunlight, prayer, meditation. Taking one courageous next beautiful aligned step. You know, the reps build the confidence. Action always beats that fear. It really does. Taking action is way more productive than staying stuck in the rumination of fear and anxiety. You know, I can easily hide. I am somebody who loves to hermit. I am probably one of the most introverted people I know, and I have been forcing myself out of the house every single day, even if it's just to look people in the eyes at the grocery store. And that really, that. That feeling of connection even through the world really gets you out of your. Your brain and. And your body a little bit more. And the more that you do that, the more.

And all of the things that you're here to do really are put in perspective. So here's what this pivot is actually teaching you and me, right? The pivot is here to teach you about trust, surrender, a rebirth of a. Of a identity that's growing capacity, integrity, courage, bravery, self leadership, who you're becoming and how to walk with the divine, with uncertainty. Even when it's like, holy. Like, I'm somebody who loves roller coasters. I really, really do. But that hill going up any roller coaster, it's like, that's what this feels like. When you're doing the pivot. It's like, holy, holy. Your heart's racing, you want to, you're like, stop the ride, stop the ride. And the minute, like you're going down, it's like you, it feels like you're gonna die. And then you get down through that first hill and now it's exhilaration. It's like, yes, this is, this is how we do this. And the pivot isn't proof that you're lost. It's proof that you've outgrown maybe some of the old ways that you're doing this. And so here's what I know on the other side of this holy moment, right? That pivot that I announced on my 13th sober anniversary, it wasn't a coincidence at all. You know, I, when I made the decision that I was going to do this and enter the network marketing space again, by the way, which is exciting, it's something I swore I'd never do again. And in fact, I had to resign a position I had spent 13 years building, putting my blood, sweat and tears into. And even though the product isn't competing, the business model is. And, and I understood that in having to resign a six figure income that I haven't had to do anything for, for seven years. And that's how much I believe in this. That's how much I was like, hell, yes, I'm doing this. And also it's like, what have I just done? I just signed away six figures that I didn't have to do anything for anymore. I put all that front end work in and built an organization of over 119,000 people and, and had hands in creating millionaires left and right, like, and, and helping people grow and transform business and, and personally too, like, seriously. And even though I know this was the right decision, I've had moments the last six weeks of like, am I really, really cut out for this? You know, but when I was deciding when to kind of share what I was doing, it was no other day but that day, you know, the day that I found probably the most courage I've ever had to have in my life by completely, like, closing the door on a big part of my life. And a lot of People in that life and moving towards the life transformed. The life that like has has given me everything beautiful. Even through some of the hardest things I've experienced the last 13 years. But that day marked 13 years of choos. Truth over escape every day. And this pivot is the next chapter of that truth. And I'm really, really excited. And I've had my moment. I've. I'll have more moments. You will too. I've had panics. I've had fears, I've had doubts, I've had hiding. I've had, like, shutting down the world. And even my own, you know, personal inner circle, sometimes I've let them all know, like, if I get quiet, it doesn't mean I'm doing great. You know, A lot of times people have assumed maybe this is you too, that, like, if I'm. If I'm quiet, it means my head's And I'm grinding. It usually means I'm horizontal with, like, Netflix for days or, you know, not eating or totally eating a bunch, you know, but once I walk myself through my own edge formula and. And really, you know, allow myself grace when I'm in these moments, because this is big. This is scary, and I know it is for you. Something shifts, right? And the fear gets quieter, the purpose gets louder, and the path in front of me feels less like a cliff and more of the calling, right? The more that we really bring this to the surface and use the tools. And the tool of the Enneagram has saved my ass over and over and over again. But honoring that calling is really, really big. And so if you're in your own holy moment right now. Good. Good. It means you're awake. It means you're becoming, and it means you're exactly where you need to be now. What are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with it? So I can help you with that if you don't know what to do with it. Or maybe you've lost your. Your navigation system. You don't even know. Like, it feels like you're turning all these different ways and feels like you're going in the wrong direction all the time. I do Enneagram sessions. I do power sessions. I do all sorts of things to help guide you through that. I'd be honored to do that. You can go to traceeomalley. Com. It's my favorite work, is diving deep and giving you the roadmap so that when you do make pivots, when the. The fear does hit and all these things that we've just talked about happen because they will. How you navigate it, it, how you leverage it and how you honor it to do the calling that's on your life. So, yeah, this, this new network marketing thing I'm doing, I'm very, very excited about it. If you are somebody that maybe said the same thing, I'm never doing network marketing again. Or you're burned by it. I have a lot of beautiful, powerful people that have linked arms with me, that have experienced that. I specialize in PTSD and network marketing trauma. I am not, not your typical leader or mentor at all. I am about integrity. It's my number one value and doing things the right way and creating strong leadership for anybody who links arm with arms with me as well as anybody that they bring into my circle. So if you are craving to be led by somebody like that to hone in your own leadership, it is probably the least expensive way to work with me. It's a beautiful business model. It's not a product. It's. It's not a physical product, which I love. So you don't have to coach on a physical product. I love that it's a digital product with a travel and lifestyle membership. It's so cool, you guys. I will share more on future episodes, but if that is something that excites you or you are somebody that is an entrepreneur building a personal brand, you guys know how stressful that can be, having supplemental income or really great income to fund that passion product so that you can do it from a place of abundance rather than, oh my God, I gotta show up. I gotta show up. That is also a very big sweet spot of mine, is helping people through. So you can reach out to me on Instagram, Tracy O', Malley, Facebook, my website, Tracyomali.com there's ways you can email me there. All these things are very, very exciting. I've already had tremendous success and the people that have linked arms with me are having tremendous success. I'm. I haven't been this excited in 13 years, quite honestly. So if that's something you want to learn more about, just hit me up. Don't abandon the pivot before the magic catches up. Your future self is already thanking you for staying and I am honored to be alongside you in this journey every step of the way. Like being able to know how to honor your edge, work through the edge, bring new edges to light. This is where all the magic happens and I look forward to doing more of that with you. Until next time, you guys. Talk to you soon.

And that's a wrap on today's Dive into the Edge if this episode hit you in the gut or lit a fire under your ass good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox. It's a damn decision. And the Enneagram? It's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use it. If you loved today's episode, share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking. Your edge.