EP444: Money, Power & the Codes We Inherited—And the Ones We’re Finally Breaking with Amber Lilyestrom (SO Enneagram 9)

I wanted to wait a little bit into the new year to record this on purpose, because by now the initial rush has worn off and real life has had a chance to speak. And if you're listening to this feeling a little bit tender, a little unsure, or even quietly or loudly frustrated with yourself, I want you to know you're in exactly the right place. This is my first interview on the podcast in about a year, and. And there's no one I would bring into the space for that moment other than one of my very, very, very best and respected friends, Amber Lillystrom. Amber is someone I trust with my real questions. The kind that you don't always ask publicly. The kind you ask when you're standing at the edge of something new and you can feel old patterns tugging at you. We send each other voice notes almost every morning, like little walking podcasts. Really? And the wisdom that comes out of this woman is something I do do not take lightly. It's earned, it's embodied, and it has shaped me in more ways than she probably even knows. Today, we're talking about money, but not in the way it's usually talked about. We're talking about how money reveals the places we hesitate, where we override ourselves, where we keep reaching for the next strategy while quietly ignoring what our body already knows. And if you've ever had that feeling of, I don't know what to do, why does this feel so hard? Or you've noticed yourself pulling back, delaying or second guessing, when it comes to receiving visibility or growth, you're going to recognize yourself in this conversation. Amber has a way of naming things that instantly bring relief. Not because it's easy, but because it's honest. And there's something about being understood at that level that loosens things you didn't realize you were holding onto so tightly. So stay here with us. Let's let this be a conversation you listen to slowly, maybe even more than once. Because what we talk about here has a way of changing how you move forward. Not just with money, but with yourself. So let's freaking go. Hey.

Hey.

And welcome to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, Enneagram expert leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet. Now, if you're new here, buckle up. This is absolutely not another fluffy Enneagram podcast where we talk about how sweet it is to be an Enneagram, too, and bake cookies for your friends. No, this is the real deal. This show is about Using the Enneagram as a tool for transformation. Not just information and definitely not some party trick. Because knowing your type is cute, but embodying your highest expression, depression. That is where your edge is. Every week I'm bringing you the truth behind the types and the hype. How to stop self sabotaging, lead like a damn legend and actually understand the people in your life without wanting to scream into a pillow. Or if you're an Enneagram, ain't like me not throat punch someone. We'll talk about leadership, relationships, business healing, high performance, and why couples therapy isn't working. But full understanding your Enneagram blueprint might just save your marriage. I'll drop solo episodes behind the curtain coaching and the occasional rant when someone calls the Enneagram just a personality test. So if you're ready to stop playing small and start showing up with unshakable clarity, confidence and compassion for yourself and others, this is your space. You've got an edge now let's use it. Hey. Hey. Welcome back to the first episode of the new year. Yeah, it's going to be a crazy, crazy year in all the best ways. We are in the year of the horse, the fire horse. And I know many of you have hit the ground running at the start of the new year and some of you may have already fizzled out and be like it. Like, this is not going to be great. And a lot of that has to do with the story that you're telling yourself. Today is also probably the first interview I've brought to the podcast in about a year. And there's no one else that I could see doing this with me and sharing with you than one of the best, best. She is the goat in the business coaching space and the thought leader space. And I'm so blessed and honored to be able to call her one of my very best friends in the whole entire planet. We send each other many podcasts every morning and and I'm obsessed with it. And the Yoda wisdom that comes out of this woman by doing the hard things, by committing to do her work every day, has blessed my life over and over and over and over and over again. I'm forever thankful for you, Amber. And also I know that as we embark on, you know, a life path one year, the year the horse, all the things like we are so over the stuff we have brought from the past into the future and there's nobody like Amber Lillystrom to break it all down with the most loving ass kicking you might need that you didn't Even know you needed. So, Amber, welcome to the show.

Oh my gosh, what an intro. I love you. Thank you. So happy to be here.

So I kind of want to talk about self leadership a little bit because a lot of the things that have held me back have held you back. I mean, we're very strong leaders, very high, highly regarded, and sometimes leading ourselves sometimes is where the, the hose gets kinked a little bit. What might be going on for those that are embarking on this year of the horse thing in 2026. And all of a sudden they're getting bucked off that.

Oh, man, you know, I mean, it all comes back to your personal definition of reality and how you define that comes through the filter of your perceptions of the past, the present and the future, and what you believe about life in general. And so I love having conversations with people. I mean, you do too, right? We are just like two peas in a pod with that and just listening to how a person speaks and knowing just from that conversation, you know, where they are in relationship to their own life and what they think is possible for that life.

I think in a world like we have today, I mean, I'm a little bit older than you. I didn't have the Internet till I was like 25. I think that's how old I was when the Internet was birthed, which is crazy to me. But a lot of people listening, like that's all we know. And you know, I'm a first generation kind of entrepreneur. You know, I'm a Gen X woman. And we didn't have entrepreneurship from women modeled for us. And it certainly wasn't taught, told or modeled. But we live in a time where we can learn mastery at any kind of craft. And no matter how masterful we are at learning the things, we've got this stuff ingrained in us that we've inherited, that we've bought on to, that we've co signed. How, how can you help somebody break free from that, including myself, y'? All? I've broken through a lot of the that I've brought to the table, but I don't want to hold on to it. And also there's this like purgatory period. It's like I know which way I'm going, but I have no idea, like what's in front of me, what actually is going to come and smack me upside the head. And how do you navigate that when you know all the right things to do? You understand from the neck up everything that has happened. You understand the why, you understand how this can benefit you. You know, all the. Like, everything happens for a reason. Like, blah, blah, blah. We all know, like, this is for something better. This is for something beautiful. It's all meant to teach us something. But how do you decode something of the stuff that we bring with us? Especially if you're somebody who knows better but isn't doing better, and you have all these resources at your fingertips. What is required in order to break free or at least gently nudge your ass out of it?

Well, since you use the tech analogy, I'll just use it here. It's an upgrade to your operating system. And we get that right with our phones. And how suddenly, like, you now have to learn a new phone because you woke up, get it updated, you're like, shit, where am I? How do I get to that app? Um, but it. It actually does feel like that too. When you. When you upgrade what I call your money codes, when you start to actually change the wiring from your subconscious self to your conscious self, and you learn how to sync these things up. And I think one of the places where we experience the greatest just structure structural challenge in our journey is that the not being able to recognize that the subconscious is not harmonizing with the conscious mind. And therefore, it's creating conflict in our field. It's creating conflict in our psyche so that we can't accept it. So you said from the neck up.

I know.

I mean, I'm a. I'm a kajillionaire from the neck up, right?

But like, why?

What is this that I just, like, can't get out of my own way to take the action consistently, to apply this, to put myself out there to do the things that I know I need to do. That everybody and their sisters yapping on the Internet, telling me that I gotta do what is wrong with me, right? And that question to me is a doorway because when you're willing to pause and actually ask the question, something seems to be off here. I feel like I should be further along than I am, but I don't have that experience. It's like, great, let's hit the pause button and let's look at the wiring and let's look at what the. What the codes are and why you operate the way that you operate. Because here's the thing, just this feels like the most compassionate thing I can and also logical thing that I can offer to you. It's like your. The places where you are held back or you have been in survival safety patterns were forms of adaptive intelligence that kept you here. So it's actually a form of genius that kept you here, that got you to this point that you're listening to this conversation today. And so I never want someone to feel bad about whatever those patterns are, because they actually were really great adaptations that helped you get to this point. But now you are ready for some new technology. Now you are ready to upgrade those safety, security patterns and learn a new program in your system so that you can operate at a higher frequency and level.

I know, like, a lot of people that are listening right now, and me in the past of like, like, you know, we join all these masterminds and group coaching and hire one on one coach to learn how to make more money. How do I make more money? How do I scale? And like, y' all are very smart. And it's not necessarily like, how do you make more money? It's like how to stop betraying yourself around money. Right. And I know money is a mirror very much, and it's an energy. It doesn't just reflect a strategy. You know, it's like self trust, nervous system, safety, and permission to receive. So what is like when you're talking with someone, AKA me, on our morning podcast?

Like what?

Like, let's say you have somebody who is somewhat aware they got a money story. They may not know what it is or like, the depths of it. Like, what's the. What's a first step in kind of saying, okay, I want to change the story. I want to adapt differently now and quit carrying this same pattern with me and sabotaging not only my growth, but the impact that I'm here to make.

Yeah, I mean, I. I love to hear people's dreams. Right. And I think that the dream in and of itself is the direction. I think that it is like the signal that you are being called to more. And so if you have that vision and there's something that is, like, on your heart and you feel it in your spirit and it's something that you want, it's like, that's confirmation. So just, just let that be enough for the moment. Like, really just be with that as the what it is, not as an invitation for you to figure out all the reasons why you're not there yet.

Right.

Okay. So that's like part one of just like celebration, which you'll see is an important part of this process for me. It's like making people right for why they are the way they are and why things have been the way they've been is so freaking important. I know you know this in your work with clients, it's like they come with so much shame and feel so badly about what has been. And it's like you cannot unshame your way, you know, out of the decision to stay locked into shame. Like, you have to be able to kind of release. And so the dream's really powerful as the confirmation to say, you know what? There's more here. There's more that I'm feeling called to do here. And I can't explain why, but I'm ready to do that. And that, like, opening right is really where the work gets to begin, where we get to start to look at the wiring internally and start to get to the real. Like, okay, let's look at some of these patterns around where you got attention and how you were rewarded as a younger person on the planet. Like, what was the wiring that you learned early on about what helped you to survive, but also what helped you to get attention and to connect to people and what we'll find. And, you know, you see it over and over and over again. There's always these rules of engagement. There's always this conditional patterning. There are always these things that are very consistent. You know, I have a handful of the same patterns that come up over and over and over again for people, just a different story. That is the root. And so I'll pause there because there's more from that. But I want to hit the pause button at least into this piece, because I know you do a ton of work with people around this as well.

Yeah. You know, that's why I do love the enneagram so much, because not only can you understand the pattern, you can understand the why, but behind it, from a soul level. And then, of course, you know, you're dropped into experiences, situations, parents, families, schools, cultures that can alter the expression of the divine blueprint of. Of your wiring. What do you think money reveals about somebody before it hits their bank account?

I mean, I don't know that it's money itself. I think it's the person's relationship to. Well, okay, so it's like safety, security, right? It really is. It's. It's. That's what it comes down to. And, you know, you hear so many stories of the most financially successful people in the world, had, like, the worst experience growing up. One of the questions I really like to ask, and I feel like this is one for your people that's so important. If you think about, like, your love, your attention, your belonging patterns, it's like, what did you have to exchange for that and what did you have to give in order to have those things? And it's like I really see this little visual of our tiny little selves and being like, here you go. And so then there's this crazy thing, trace, where you take that wiring, that patterning, and then people build an entire life around it with that wiring. And then you come to business. I'm gonna go build a business. I'm gonna go be an entrepreneur. I'm gonna go, right. And it's like, guess what? Your safety security patterning for life is exactly parallel to your safety security patterning for money.

Right. I know you talk about money codes a lot. And for those that might be new to that kind of language, how I envision it is, like this invisible inheritance. And sometimes that inheritance is rock bottom, and other times it's, like, very, very abundant. How would you describe what money codes are? Because that might seem a little, like, wonky or weird to somebody, but what. What actually are money codes from your wise, brilliant perspective?

Yeah. So I think that, you know, if we. If we're in keeping with this notion of the upgrading or updating the operating. Like, what does that coding, Right. Codes. And our codes are our stories. Our codes are our beliefs. Our codes are the. The. The wired elements that make up the identity or the program that we are running in our personal hard drives that say, this is a Tracy, or this is an Amber, and this is how Amber does love, and this is how Amber does money, and this is how Amber does visibility. If we're talking about business stuff, this is how Amber does Instagram. So Amber does motherhood. Right. And you can. When you break it down in that way, it's like, oh, you can really kind of clearly see the. The nature of it as being, like, these inputs that create the ultimate operating system for the person. And so I just, you know, geek out on that from a logical perspective. And it's also so illogical, too. I mean, it is. It's quantum physics. It's science. Right. In terms of, like, subconscious mind, conscious mind. And what I like to do with people is take that subconscious program and bring aspects of it to the conscious mind so that we can actually start to create change with it.

How does somebody find out what it is subconsciously? That is their coding? You know, you and I have talked at length about both of our kind of coding, but our code isn't our divine blueprint, is it? It's separate. Is that kind of how it gets expressed?

Yeah, good question. So I. I think about it like this. Like, every single person that, you know, on this planet, that is a human is running a program in their personal operating system. And we'll just stay with money on this topic. Around the subject of money. And, you know, you can think of people in your life right now that are like, it doesn't grow on trees, right? Don't, you know, you're. It's not polite to talk about it. You can think of, like, people that have these patterns that. That is how they live around that subject. Then you're an entrepreneur and you're like, well, that doesn't, that doesn't really jive for me. I want to do it differently, but it's like, really difficult to, to relate to that person because the way their program is so, so strictly wired, it's like it's a life or death thing for them to be confronted with the notion that it could be different than how they're living it.

What if you have a few different conflicting stories around money? Because I just kind of got this hit about, like, going back to when, you know, my very first memory is around money, long before it was like anything else. My first story that I remember as a little girl was around money. And there were a few of them like, he who had the. The money had all the power and control you hoard. The money you abuse power with doesn't grow on trees. Don't be frivolous. Like, there's all these conflicting stories and you work hard and all the things. So how do you know which ones are really kind of holding you ransom?

I think that when we get into the process, and I do intensive sessions with people which are intimate, where we go through a process of asking specific questions. And as you know, like, when you're in session, it's like the answer that comes forward is the answer that comes forward, you know, so there might be like, you're, you're, you know, for one of them, for me is like, wealthy people are bad, essentially. Like, people who have a lot of money are like, not good people. And so then, like, becoming a wealthy person as an entrepreneur, it's been like, really complicated because I didn't realize that that was in there. And so I had to do some unpacking, work around that to release that and realize, like, that's not even true at all. Certainly there are some bad wealthy people, and they're bad poor people and bad people, no matter what. You know, it's like, it's the whole spectrum. So. So I think that a. There's that part of the process, but I want to give Some questions that I think could open some things for you guys to really think about that I think could be very helpful. And so the first one is really understanding how you experience love in your, let's say, your childhood as long as you can remember back to like a being a younger person. And, and for some people, because I'm really, really sensitive to this, not everybody was told they were loved growing up.

Right?

Right. So attention, a feeling of belonging, like you can substitute the word love there. If that word doesn't feel like it's an appropriate word for your circumstance. What did you have to exchange in order to get attention? Because there's an exchange system. And so when you really look at that, a lot of my clients say things like my needs, my, like my boldness, my full expression of self. I literally had to be someone who didn't have any emotions. And so knowing that part, like getting that clear, then the second question is, how did that shape who you've become? And I, and I, it's like a 10 out of 10. It that has a straight line always to the biggest issue that people have in their businesses. It's like the thing that's blown my brain is the realization of like whatever that fundamental foundational pattern was, like what you had to give up or what you were like you couldn't have, you couldn't be that you're speaking to now, that has shaped who you've become. Like, you've had to work around that. And then it play, it's playing out, you know, in your lived reality as.

An adult, what connection do you see around visibility and money for people? Like, are they tied together or is that case specific or is that just me or is it back to that question, what was the exchange?

Yeah, well, I think if I'm going to get really technical about it, someone asked me on a podcast this week, like, what do you want to, what do you want to say to people about money before we wrap? And I was like, it's never about money. It's never about money. It has nothing to do with money. Money is an effect. We are cause. So when we're pairing things like visibility and money, money is just an effect of you showing up in a way that resonates with people. Because also business is relational.

Right.

And so you're, when I'm talking to people, it's like, surely we're going to talk about money at the front because it's on people's radar. It is like a self identified thing that they, that they're like, I gotta Work on this. But at the end of the day. And that's the book Master Money Mind. It's funny, when I was writing that book, I was like, oh, it just continues to be like the through line. It's not about money. It's about your relationship to you.

Right. So, you know, we have also talked at length around a lot of the manipulative that's out there and all these quote unquote business coaches or even freaking money coaches, for crying out loud, that are like, I made $8 million in two minutes before noon. And what. How many women are you seeing manipulate and choosing that over their own sovereignty.

And also, like, in terms of, like, buying it.

No, not the ones buying it, the ones selling it. Let's talk about the ones selling it first. We'll talk about the ones that are idolizing these people in a minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, those that. I mean, you. And I can see it clear as day and not judging. Like, I see the pain. I know the exchange that probably happened for them to kind of be operating like this. But what is going on for those people, would you say?

I mean, I think that the survival strategy so often there is just like, yeah, you just. You gotta. You gotta go, girl. You know, you gotta move, you gotta achieve. You've gotta, you know, stack it up, be the best. Like, it's like, I see a lot of that achiever stuff come out in that pattern specifically, and that is, like, it truly is survival. So I have a lot of compassion for it when I see that. And I also think that, like, this is just a funny part of me. I. I don't know, I. I just. I like, believe people when they say things. But I've learned over and over and over again that, like, oh, my gosh, these people are making shit up constantly. And I just can't. It, like, it continues to amaze me. So, like, that's us with our friendship, where you're. You're like, fuck that.

And I'm like, what?

Like, I. You know, I mean, maybe that's an enneagram 8 and 9 thing.

It is.

But I just look at it and I'm like, I just. I can't even, like, fathom that people, like, make stuff up because it's just so far off the radar of anything I would ever even consider doing is just so bizarro land to me.

It is.

I know. And again, then I have, like, more compassion because I'm just like, what reality, you know, sort of clown chamber do you live in that you feel like that's the only way for you to get significance. But that was the way you got love. And so. And you probably learned it. It was passed down to you. So, you know. Yeah, there's a lot there.

So much. Let's talk about the person that trusts somebody like that to answer all of their, their dreams and make all of their wishes real with something like that. I mean, as much as there is a lot of pt, you and I get a lot of the PTSD coaching clients who have fallen prey to some of that nonsense. And also I'll always say, well, you co signed it. You believed something that probably was too good to be true. You, you bought it hook, line and sinker. For somebody that is chasing that and looking to that as finding their way in wealth and, and money and significance and certainty, how do they move forward and learn to trust themselves after falling into that? You know, they have to own that they co signed it. But also those people are really good cons.

Yeah. I mean I think that it's this, this feeling of like you're on your own kid. I think in a lot of ways for those folks and they've, they've known for. They've really known from the very beginning that they were on their own. And so they're outsourcing their authority to other people who make it seem like they know. And listen like at the end of the day that's just like really good marketing. And what is marketing? It's all about psychology.

Right.

You know, it's playing to people's fears and, and, and then being like I have the answer. And so I think it's easy to fall for it in many ways. And I also think that when those. There's like a level of like exhaustion slash desperation and maybe some naivete that comes with it too of like, gosh, some they just know better than me. And so it's this like outsourcing of authority thing that I see happening over and over and over again in our space. And that's honestly why like a big portion of the coaching industry actually is in the very much like one to many and stuff like that. I see it the most but surely high ticket too. But why it. That's one of the dark sides of.

It, I think 100 and I think like it is being exposed more.

Yeah.

You know, and I think in this era of the coaching industry, like those that are doing that, they're going to be exposed and outed in ways and there will still be people that buy into it because I mean tale is.

Old as time, you know, infomercials and like snake oil and all this. It's like forever. You know, I think it's just humanity and then there'll be some evolution of it that come pops up in different forms. And, and, and honestly, like I. It's one of the things that actually upsets me about that that's happening in the coaching industry because to me coaching is such a, it's such an important profession, you know, like mentorship, witness, work, really being with people. And you know, you and I are unique in the way that we work very intimately with our clients. We're not just sitting here being like, join my. I mean I used to get so frustrated when people would say that they're like thousand person program was a coaching program. I'm like, how is that coaching? You know, like literally. Let's just break it down for a second. If you take. I worked in collegiate athletics for 10 years and I was a college athlete myself. Let's just take a college football team, right? Might have a hundred guys on a team and there's a head coach. Well, you can bet that that head coach knows all of his players for sure because he was involved in the process of recruiting them to be part of that program. Like he. It's the buck stops with him. But then there are position coaches, right? For all of these different groups of men that are on this team and those are coaches and they're with you for. And I just think to myself that like coaching to me is a profession in which like I know my people. Like there's, there's a, there's a witnessing, there's a knowing of clients. And I just remember feeling at different points in the journey of like so enraged that course creators are calling themselves coaches when they, when that really isn't. And I feel like there should be like a delineation in our profession around like what coaching actually is, because to me it's a very noble profession. It's a very important profession. And some of the most important learning on my journey has come from incredible coaches and guides and mentors for sure.

And I think that when people label themselves a coach for a program like that, the person buying into it thinks they're going to get that coach. And it's like you will never have exposure to that person. And then the betrayal of self, the betray the feeling of betrayal by inauthenticity and lack.

But this is a good segue though, isn't it? Because it's like this is where the ball bounces back on like And I'm going to, like, bounce it hard at you. It's like radical personal responsibility, babe.

Okay, so let's talk about that for a second, because I think we're in the era that we know better. Yeah, but where does the nervous system come into play in all of this? Because it can cock block the best of us.

It totally can. And I think when you are not aware of what your codes are. So perfect example. This is funny timing. I'm teaching a class on the money. Codes coming.

Guys will want to be in this. It starts, like, this week.

So, yeah, in the show notes. 23rd, and it's free, so come to class. And Teresa have the link for it. And so I was like, okay, I'm gonna create this, like, little, like, program for this. Like, I want to, like, bring people through this, and I want to, you know, I want to make it really accessible. And I'm da, da, da. And I was in a session with my coach, and she was like, okay, like, I hear that. Cool. And then she's like, it was really. I talked myself into a different direction. But basically the bottom line was, oh, that is my sort of, like, trauma patterning of trying to go create something else. Because I feel like maybe what I have isn't going to be enough.

Right.

Like, my model, the way that I've literally artfully designed it for intimate connection and deep breakthrough with clients that I've been running as a. As the person who teaches this for, like, this model has looked this way for years, but it's, like, been really refined, especially in this last year, in terms of, like, how I do my coaching work. And I literally was doing it myself. And why? Because my. One of my deepest codes is that I was. I felt loved and safe by centering myself. So, like, my needs, my emotions, my lived experience, literal lived experience slash truth. There wasn't a lot of space for it.

Right.

And it wasn't really safe for me to say what was real and true for me in my growing up. And so therefore, that code comes up, and what do you think I'm doing in my marketing? Hold on. Let me go build something that they're gonna think is good, because I'm afraid to really step into the fullness of me being the magnet. And what I wrote, I was like, oh, my God, I'm the magnet.

I did it again.

Like, I literally did it again. It's the same thing. And, you know, Lacey was very generous. And in terms of what she said, she's like, look, the way you grew up, like, Centering yourself is actually a threat.

Yeah.

And I said, oh, you're right, you're right. And that. And so it's still. I teach this. It still shows up in moments when you don't suspect it. And so it was really good because it was a pattern interrupt right in the moment of like, oh, I don't need to do that. I'm going to lean in with what I know, and I'm going to lean in with adding more, just like opening this conversation. But the reality is, guys, and here's the other piece. This is so meta as I'm going to say this right now. This work that I do with my clients will require you to, like, feel it will require you to get some, you know, dirt on your knees and on your hands. And you might cry like, I'm sorry, but it's just the truth. You have to feel it to free it.

And yeah, you can't walk around being neck down dead anymore.

That's right. You've got to feel the whole damn thing so that you actually can liberate yourself. And, and, and it is wild what happens when you do, like when you were willing to have that moment of courage and to really go into it. It is so incredible. But what I realized is, like, my whole life I've been protecting the people who weren't willing to feel the truth and have lived a whole fucking lifetime never feeling the truth. And that is like one of my deepest wounds of life. And I've just tried to protect them from that. And it was like, from their own stuff.

Yeah.

And so what happens, right? We teach, we need to develop. So here we are. And you know, and it's like, great. And. And it's still a place where I have clients. I mean, just as recent as a call I just got off, where clients are like, they're not willing to say the real thing because it hurts, because it's uncomfortable. But I don't live my life like that. As, you know, like, I am. I walk on fire. I'm like, let's go cannonball in cry. Let's go put it on the Internet. Let's do the thing so that we can move it. Because I will not live my life being held hostage to the pain that I was unwilling to face and then hand that down to my children.

Right.

And watch them suffer in the ways that I did.

Why do you think it's harder for people to receive than earn?

Because I think that they had con. They had conditional dynamics in their life. And so receiving meant that you. That There was a price to be. Yeah, I feel like receiving has had conditions. Yeah.

So in this era of information, you and I preach this all the time. Information without integration is just a big old cluttered mind and cluttered spirit and cluttered bookshelf and cluttered, you know, podcast queue and. And all the things. So let's talk about why money mastery isn't about more tactics and what do we need to do about it?

Well, I mean, it's. Everything is an inside job.

Yeah. Right.

No matter what. So mastery of. And again, you're never going to have mastery. It's. It's being able to get out on the dance floor with yourself. And like, sometimes you're going to step on your own feet, you know, and you might trip, but you're also going to have some fun. And I think this idea of getting on the dance floor with yourself, like your human self, your full, full expression of self, like, to me, that's the ultimate, right? And to be able to, like, really live free. And I think the. One of the things. And you've really watched this evolution, I think, in me, since we've known each other, one of my metrics for success is can I show up in whatever room I'm in and be my fully expressed self and, like, not bail on myself?

Let me ask you something, because that's a really good gauge. Because in person, I have absolutely zero issue with that. Zero. When I am physically in people's energy, that is never, ever a problem for me. Where it comes up for me is in the online space.

I mean, I think it's hard. Listen, I think it's hard.

What do you think that's about?

Well, I think that. That we have a lot of conditioning about. Let's just use Instagram for an example. Like, we have a lot of conditioning about what we think the right way to do Instagram is. And so if you have that, that code alive and you have, like, do it right, do it the right way, you know it, then that's going to be triggered for you with a platform like Instagram. And I also think it's interesting too. Like, I really like to pay attention to, like, what is my algorithm in this? You know, and I mean it, like my personal algorithm to this. Like, how am I wired? What am I seeing? What am I measuring myself up against? What am I afraid is going to happen if I say the real thing? Yada, yada, yada. Again, I love these questions because so much is revealed. But when we're willing to stop and actually ask the Question and, and then challenge ourselves into the next iteration of activation. Which I think is what you're talking about.

Yeah, I think like just even processing like my body and what it's kind of telling me in asking you that question is like if I am absolutely very comfortable in any room that I walk in being fully myself. However, I have this disconnect with online. Part of me is like, well, it's easy to be real when it's me in there, but like these little, these little squares and these little 15 second blurbs, like it doesn't feel authentic sometimes, even though like anything I do say is truly authentic. But I don't know, it's like, well, if I can't give you the full authentic essence of me, then why, why bother? And that kind of was very conditional in my life growing up. It's like it's either all or nothing. You know what I mean? I don't know.

But I would also, I would also sort of direct you back to like your body of work and you have all these other places like here and other, you know, like you've not. Like you have two posts on your feed, right? Like you have a representation of you there that you can really get a, A sense. I mean, of course you're gonna have the same experience of being in the room with you, but I don't know, I, I let myself off the hook on some of those things. I. One of the ways that I know is like, when I look at my content, my feed or whatever, I'm like, do I like it? Do I like what I have? Do I. Do I feel happy about it? Is it, does it feel like me? Yeah. Good. Great. Okay.

I hope you do because yours is amazing.

Thanks. I love what I create. I really, I love creating. I think it's. I, I really love it. And I think there's times where I'm like, oh, you know, I feel like I was trying to like do something there with that and I. And really like what I would love to create. I just need more physical time, you know, to like capture from like a aesthetic stamp. Like I'm, I'm a photo, you know, as a photographer, I'm a writer, I'm a poet and all this. So I'm like, I really want to have my Instagram feel like that. But, you know, only human. Yeah, it does.

I think self trust is like the ultimate currency.

Yeah, you can feel it, right?

Yeah. Like when I am in that zone of self trust in all areas, it's like you're bulletproof. It feels like. It doesn't mean you're not going to take the hits. It might get knocked on your ass, but you're going to be able to get back up and not bleed out. Right. On those. On the journey to self trust, if. If somebody did one thing to change their relationship with money and self trust, what would it be?

I would start taking how you feel more seriously.

Yeah.

I would pay attention to myself.

To the feeling. Yeah.

And you know what? Here's the deal. Like, our body's communication system is feeling. Yeah. And so if we shut that down, which so many of us have. Right. Then we're not getting clear signals. And so the emotion in this case is the cause.

Right.

It's like the emotion comes through and it's like, hmm. It's gonna give you information that's gonna lead to your perception of reality, which I think is really interesting too, as well. And so I would start paying attention to how I feel, because I think a lot of us have been really, really conditioned, especially people listening to this podcast, because if you love Tracy, then I might know some things about you that, you know, you're really good at numbing it out, and you're really good at just being like, I got it. It's fine. I'm. Yep. I'm good.

Not mentioning any names, but not to.

Speak of anyone listening to this right now.

Yeah. Oh, it's such a journey. It's such a journey. And it's a constant evolution. And I know that the thought of feeling all of this stuff, it's like a lot of people listening are like, yeah, I can feel it at 3, 3pm on Tuesday, you know, January 30th. But, like, I don't have time or space for my life to get so disrupted in this important, important work. And the fact of the matter is, lay it on them.

Well, you're already doing it. You're just literally blocking yourself from having the full expression of your. Of your human. And so you're just, you know, and I just. This is the part where I, like, become sort of, like, rabid.

I love rabid Amber, by the way. It's one of my favorite things to listen to.

Like, raise your hand if you grew up in an environment where people were not taking radical personal responsibility for how they felt and how they. How they. What they did as a result of those feelings.

All my hands and all my feet.

All right. Yeah. And I'm like, what was that experience like for you? Was it. Was it good? Because I'm guessing probably not. And so Especially if you have children. Like this feels like I could breathe fire into the microphone if you have children and you're, you're like, it's not that convenient for me to feel like literally fuck the fuck off.

Yeah.

Is what I want to say to you. Because you are literally perpetuating the same shit that you lived through and you're passing it down to your poor kids. And they deserve the best of you, and you deserve the best of you, and your business deserves the best of you. And so I'm sorry that it's inconvenient that you have to go feel something, but it's the only way to actually break through and be free and to enjoy your beautiful life. Because I guarantee you also, if you're listening to this, you have a beautiful life and you are taking it for granted 100%. And so I'm just here to say, game on, guys. You want to play in the big leagues, you want to live a full, rich life? Well, it's not just about money and it is not just one dimensional. Because here's the deal, right? You don't get a replay on your loved ones lives. You don't get first steps, first words, you know, first, I loves you. You don't get that back. So what are you going to do with the rest of your life, starting right now, today? Take responsibility for it. And what does that mean? Take responsibility for how you feel. If you hate your job, let's make a plan to figure out how to get you into a different reality. If you are in a terrible marriage, let's make a plan to help you create a different reality for your life. Like, and if you can't change the physical circumstances of something because there's some complicated circumstance, which I get because we have that as humans, right? You can create some kind of change. You can have an evolution of perspective, you can have a quantum leap in consciousness. You can change by choosing to change. And so I don't, I don't have sympathy ever. I have empathy. But I'm also here to say, like, listen, your girl's been through it and I've walked a lot of these roads, you know, and I, I just, I, I can't. I cannot in good conscience look at my kids and watch them react to my emotional reality in a, in a hurtful way and then be like, it's on you. Like, deal with it. No way, no way, no way, no.

To whom much is given, much is required. I think everybody wants the goal line. You know what's at the goal line? But they aren't willing to do what's required for the Soul line in order to get there authentically and truthfully and. And just in the most beautiful ways. And on the heels of all the way the off, which is one of my favorite things that you say to me, I know this is resonating with you listening right now, and it's like, okay, now what? And I know this week you are doing the workshop that's free. What's it called? Why do they need to be on it? Yeah, they feel the pole, but they don't know what to do about the pull or the language to even speak about what that is to themselves.

Yeah, it's called the money codes. And I think the bottom line is, like, if money is not going the way you want it to go in your business right now, there, there, or in your life in general, you know, you don't have to even have a business. There are reasons for that. And we're going to look at it. We're going to help you work at least on one of those codes and identify it for yourself so that you can have a newfound sense of clarity to look at how these things are connected. And I also, like, want to say in a lot of ways, like, and why it's not your fault.

Right.

But once you can identify it, then you can actually do something with it. And so my hope is that people will get off that call being like, whoa, like, their mind is blown a little bit. They're looking at their life through a totally lens. And then they're like, okay, well, if I was able to see this, like, what else is there? How can I upgrade my personal programming? How can I upgrade my personal money codes and get more free and really be, like, more just activated in my purpose and what I'm really here to be doing, but feeling less, like, inhibited by this shadow of story that has been holding me back for longer than I can remember.

Girl, I think you are so brilliant, and I'm so thankful that I know this has always been on your heart. I mean, you've written books about money in the past, but I Love that in Q4, you were like, oh, this is what. This is what I'm supposed to be teaching people through. And I think in. In the times that we're in right now and after last year was something else for so many of us, there's nobody better, you guys to lead the charge into, you know, not necessarily making more money, because that will come when we get the other. Right. It's about unlearning everything that's kept you small around it.

Yeah.

And I'm just so honored to have you as a friend, guide, wise counsel around all of this. Where can people find information or like, lock into the free workshop?

Yeah. You can go to my website, Amber lillystrom.com forward/co codes to get in there. And the other thing that's important to say to this trace. Right. Because I'm a. I'm a business coach in my title or whatnot. But I. I just kind of got to this point of just being so, like, over helping people work on strategy in their business when this coding is in place and it is. It's so jacked up and it's like I. I can't in good conscience help you with a business strategy until we move this first and then we work on the strategy after that.

Correct.

Correct. Yeah.

So for all of you guys that are chasing the strategy, like, if you've worked with me or you want to work with me, same thing. Like we're doing your soul work alongside in tandem with some strategy. Because all the strategy in the world doesn't mean jack.

Yeah.

If you can't crack the codes, that's it. In so many ways, I love you so much. I. Like I said to have you on speed dial on any given day is such a gift. And you just bless the crowd crap out of every single person that listens to this. What's some final thoughts that you can give those of us that. That are hearing you? But maybe going to. Pulling out the shame stick on themselves for, like, even though they know it's not their fault, but now they've created patterns in their life, I want to leave them with themselves being free of the shame stick. Yeah.

I mean, I think if we, if we really follow the rope all the way back, like, it's not really anybody's fault.

Right.

You know, I think everybody's been always doing the best they could with what they've got and what they've had. And that is like one of those harsh realities that's like. That is kind of a hard pill to swallow at times. But one of the poems that I wrote in Little Big Beautiful Things where it's called Heart Change, I talked about how, you know, the version of the. Of the. The person that I felt hurt by, like, that they're not that person anymore. And. And I'm not either.

Right.

And so it's really. This moment is really about meeting this version of yourself who's like, honestly just ready to enjoy your life. Yeah. And Ready to just have fun being here because, you know, you've just been through it, like, we all have. I've gone through so much suffering in my life. I mean, really so much pain and suffering. When I look back and, like, I could give you the whole list, there's just no point in saying it. And I finally got to this point of like, I want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy being here. This is my chance to be here. And that money thing, I remember I asked myself the question in 2017, like, if what is. Like, what's the one thing that is just causing me the most suffering in my life? And it was. The answer was money. That's when I wrote master your money mind. And I decided to, like, really, really double down on this journey to figure out this money thing. And I, in full transparency, I don't even make the most money that, like, people that you see in the.

I don't.

I don't. It's not relevant. It's not necessary. It's like, I make what my right number looks like. I. I do what I need to do to have the balance of the way I want to live my life. Like, the. My equation of success. Success. And it just isn't about the amounts, guys. It's about. It's about how you live your life and how you exist in your everyday. And I want for us to wake up in the morning not feeling the weight of dread, not feeling the weight of, like, oh, God, another day, you know, I want you to wake up and feel happy in your life. And like, that's really, at the end of it, what it's all about. Because that. That joy then, that you bring into your day, you give to other people just by your presence, you guys, that is everything.

You know, at my age, you know, I'm in the last probably quarter of my life, and it's. It's amazing. Like, all the time that we spend ruminating and beating ourselves up and none of it fucking matters. It's like, what are we going to do moving forward? Yes, we have to feel the stuff that have, you know, impacted us and. And put us down certain roads and take radical, compassionate responsibility so that we can live this beautiful life we've all been given. You know, my favorite thing that we do is, like, intimate conversations on our walks. And your podcast is basically an intimate walk with every listener. I want. I don't want to leave this episode without them going to your podcast. Where can they find it? What's it called? Tell them all of the things. So they can have an intimate walk with you because that's where you actually do record your podcast, which they do.

I'm obsessing in the woods. It's called Homeward the Sovereign Business podcast. And it's on, you know, Apple and Spotify, and you can go to my website and hit podcasts and, you know, connect to it. But, yeah, thank you. I love. I love that community and I love those conversations so much.

She's so wise. You guys go follow Amber Lilly Strom on Instagram on the podcast Things. All the things. Go to her website, amber lilystrom.com forward/codes to get into the free workshop. It's happening this week. Seriously, she's the best of the best. Amber, I love you so much. Thanks for blessing us all today.

I love you, Trace. Thank you for having me. I appreciate you so much.

All right, guys, we'll see you next time. And that's a wrap on today's dive into the Edge. If this episode hit you in the gut or lit a fire under your ass, good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox. It's a damn decision. And the Enneagram, it's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use it. If you loved today's episode, share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking. Your edge.