EP442: Shedding Season: Necessary Endings and the Wisdom of the Snake

There's a particular kind of exhaustion that doesn't come from doing too much. It comes from holding on for too long. Not hustling, not striving, but gripping something you already know deep down is complete. This past year didn't feel explosive for most people. It felt tight, constricting, like the walls were slowly closing in, even though nothing was technically wrong. And that's how you know what season you're in. Because when life is asking you to build, there's momentum. When it's asking you to heal, there's tenderness. But when it's asking you to end something, there's pressure, friction. A quiet, relentless discomfort you can't positive think or personal develop your way out of. This was the year of the snake. And the snake doesn't evolve by becoming more impressive. It evolves by shedding. It releases what once protected it. Not because the skin failed, but because staying in it would kill its growth. That's the part we miss. We keep trying to fix what's already complete. We stay loyal to identities, relationships, roles and structures that once fit but no longer stretch with who we are becoming. And we call that strength. But real leadership, real integrity, requires something far more more confronting. The courage to end what no longer belongs in your next chapter. Let's go. Hey. Hey.

And welcome to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

Enneagram expert leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet.

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Now let's use it. Hey. Hey. And welcome back to another episode, the final episode of 2025 of the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy O'. Malley. And this has been the year of the Snake. The shedding, the undoing, the shedding of old things, letting go. I heard this beautiful analogy the other day. You know, sometimes, especially my strong willed people out there and my tough guys and gals that hold on so tight to things and you know, when you look at a fruit tree, I have a fruit tree in my backyard and I look at it with whole different set of eyes now because it drops all these annoying oranges on the ground. And then they, especially here in the Arizona heat, they get hard and crusty and then my dogs run around with them in their mouths and it's just a hot mess. However, I looked at my beautiful orange tree today. Yes, I said beautiful. It's not annoying anymore. And it's very symbolic for kind of something that we all need to remember. The trees drop the fruit when it becomes too heavy to carry. And for the Year of the Snake, I think a lot of us were holding on to that fruit for as long as we possibly could and it became so heavy and that's why it felt so tight. And I am finishing off the year reading a book called Necessary Endings and Ends. And you know, in theory, it makes a whole hell of a lot of sense. And the reality of how difficult this actually is and how necessary it is is a whole different ballgame. And so why necessary endings matter, there's that concept that, that has funded, fundamentally reshaped how I understand leadership, growth, self respect. And the premise is simple and confronting right Growth doesn't require vision, it requires discernment. I think, you know, if you're listening to this, you are a visionary. You can see the bigger picture. But when we want to justify why we're holding on to things too long or why this might be uncomfortable, we're not operating in that discernment. And discernment is very confronted. And it's like once you see it, you can't unsee it kind of thing, but then acting on it is, is where the challenge and the courage is that's required comes from. Not everything that's misaligned is meant to be healed either. You know, in this world of personal development, I think we Were like, I gotta heal it. I gotta heal it. Well, no, that's not always the truth. Some things are meant to just be ended cleanly, consciously and without apology. I think a lot of times we'll blow up our life to end something, rather you know, be delicate and tender with ourselves and grieve, Allow us to grieve. You know, I see this in a lot of the work I do in couples when there's been infidelity or things like that. I. I truly believe infidelity happens a lot of the time. Not for the excitement of it, but because there's this knowing that something needs to end, but we don't know how to consciously, respectively, do this, respectfully do this. And so we just blow up our lives. And. And I am guilty of, you know, blowing up my life and forcing an ending, rather than consciously ending it with. With respect, with care, allowing ourselves to grieve, all the things and leaders who refuse to end things. You. You don't create stability. You create a drag, burnout, resentment, all those things. And the snake. Understand that, understands this instinctively. Just like my orange tree in the backyard. It doesn't wait until the skin suffocates it. It she. The constriction becomes fatal, right? So there are three different endings that we kind of have to acknowledge because they're different. They may all feel the same when we're actively ending certain things. The first one is the dead things. What is already over, like beating a dead horse, right? Dead things have no life force. They're already done emotionally, energetically, spiritually. You're not nurturing them. You're maintaining a corpse, basically. And this is where many, many of us stay stuck. Not because you're unaware, but because endings at this level threaten identity. For me, the dead thing in my life this last year wasn't a relationship or a role. It's been a few things. It was an identity, right? My first one was believing that strength meant hardness, that power required force, that success had to be heavy earned the hard way, carried alone. And the problem is, is that version of me work for a long, long, long time. Like, I have the receipts, the screenshots, the timelines, everything. All my Real Housewives of Salt Lake City will understand that reference. That version of me worked really, really well in a lot of ways. Capable. I was relentless. I built a lot. A lot emotionally, a lot spiritually, a lot professionally, a lot financially. But I was tired and I realized that she. That part of me, like, there are elements of me that, like, that's important, but that Part of me doesn't get to come in. A lot of the things that are what's next. For me, that identity already did its job. It kept me safe, keeping me alive. But keeping it alive now doesn't honor me. It suffocates me. Dead things don't come back to life because you care more. They end because they're completely complete. The other thing that was dead that I was holding on to, well, that's actually the next thing we'll get to that. The other thing isn't the dead things, it's the dying things, right? And this is the one that's a little bit trickier, right, because they still have movement, but they require constant resuscitation, right? You're always adjusting, fixing, explaining, forcing yourself to stay optimistic. And that's how, you know, I see this a lot in friendships. I see this a lot in marriages sometimes. Now, I'm not here to say that, like, dying can't be resurrected, but, like, you have to kind of be discerning here. I see it a lot in businesses and branding, all sorts of things. For me, the dying thing was the way I was doing business and the way that I was trying to market myself, right? Trying to contort my voice to fit systems that never truly fit me, using strategies that work on paper technically, but not energetically. Feeling successful on the outside and feeling completely disconnected on the inside. If something requires you to abandon yourself to sustain it, it's all ready dying, right? The snake feels constriction before the collapse. And waiting doesn't soften the ending, it actually tightens it. So I personally stopped trying to save what couldn't be revived. And that's kind of why this year has felt like such a spiritual sabbatical. You know, it's one thing to shed the identity and the way that I do things. And when you've been doing it for five decades, we don't just flip the switch and. And move on. Like, there's a grieving process, there's an unlearning, there's a new learning, there's. There's the uncomfortableness, the loneliness, the. All the things that come with the nakedness, the vulnerability. All of it is so radically uncomfortable, even when we understand that this is required and this is the thing. So many of you understand this from a cognitive level, from the neck up, right? Like, I know you've read the books. You. You got the coaches right? Like, you know all the things, right? But if we don't allow ourselves to feel that from the neck down, you know, I, I say this term a lot, like your neck down dead, like you understand everything. And I think the problem is when we go to work to make sense of this, but we disconnect the feeling from it. The patterns repeat, the cycles continue. The frustration with yourself and the same things showing up, same package, different wrapping paper. It is the, the surefire way to energetically bankrupt yourself. And that, my friends, is so frustrating. The other ending, and this is, this is really hard. And I faced this one this year, right? The good but not great good is the enemy of great. Healthy but misaligned. And these are the hardest endings of all. Nothing is wrong, nothing is technically broken. It still works, but it no longer fits. And this year, and I knew it a year ago, I felt it, I felt the intuitive hit a year ago. But when something is good and doesn't require a ton of energy, like, you can know intuitively and energetically that it's time to cut the cord from that. However, it's like you're looking at how it makes sense on paper and it doesn't always. And so I prolonged this necessary ending until this year. And I couldn't ignore my intuition and my soul's calling, even though on paper it made zero sense and not full transparency, it freaked me out a little bit. I ended what was good, but not great. My other network marketing business that I have had for over 13 years, that I poured everything into the first five years of it. I built a beautiful organization. Over a hundred thousand people helped have a hand in creating eight millionaires in that organization. It wasn't just me, you know, doing well. I loved the products, I loved what I built. I loved everything that I did in that time. And I stepped back from it eight years ago for a few reasons. My health was one thing. Being in the health and wellness space didn't align with me anymore. I felt it was too delicate to guide people on that. I'm no doctor. It isn't my expertise. Even though, like, I believed in, in the product and everything at the time. The good thing about network marketing, for those of you that are familiar with it, and if you're not, seriously, like, it is the fastest way to build wealth and really get your feet wet and hone your skills in coaching and leading. Let's have a conversation. Because I got something up my sleeve that is really amazing. That being said, you know, because of how much I put in the blood, sweat and tears and the, the duplication of leadership and the strong leadership, that I had a hand in that business, even though I Haven't touched it in eight. Was still generating six figures a year for me. And about last year, it was mid summer of last year. I felt like it's time to let that go. And I was like, wait, what? You mean to tell me I have to let that go even though I don't have to do anything for it? It generates me six figures a year. Yeah. No, but I knew. I did know, and that was really hard. In a year that has challenged me the most, that I pulled back the most, that my revenue was down more than any other year. Not because of anything, but me pulling back. It was this year. God, that you want me to let this go? And it was a big yes, it is now time. Because it's dead weight. It is dead weight. And I, and I get. For a lot of you, including myself, it's like you're no, like six figures is still six figures. And you know, I am the sole provider in my house. I don't have a husband. I, you know, it's me, right? So I was trying to negotiate like this. This ending does not need to happen, even though I knew it. And so, of course, I honor the intuition. And in September, I resigned my position. And that meant resigning all six figures. That was guaranteed for the most part. And ending something that's good requires more courage than ending something broken, right? Because there's no dramatic justification, just that quiet knowing. I didn't leave because it failed. I left because my future would not fit inside it. The snake doesn't wait for the skin to tear. It sheds when growth demands space. And I think for a lot of you listening, you're still white knuckling something that even though, like, it makes sense on paper, if you took your soul, your spirit, your energy, your divine knowing out of it, like, you know when it's time. So that being said, I let it go and resigned that position. And it was really, really hard in a lot of ways. And also was Independence Day. And I didn't realize how impactful that decision was. I also, at the same time, decided to begin network marketing again alongside of my consulting and coaching practice that I love so, so much. But I miss the building leaders, I miss the community. And I knew when I resigned the position, it would be emotional for me, not because of the money, but because that was such a huge part of my life. And I am forever grateful for that company and everything that I learned and gained from that, even the hard stuff. But I was ready to build again and I knew it wasn't in that. So I did start with a new network marketing company. So for those of you looking for another stream of income, you miss it, too. Maybe you're holding on to something that's been good, but you also know it's not great. Please reach out to me. I am having the time of my life. It is so much fun and so much easier. And ease is my word for 2026. That being said, I feel like I'm starting all over again. And it's like, can I really do this again? Do I have this in me? Do I really love this? And yes, yes, yes. So. So why do we hold on too long? Right? We don't hold on because we're weak. We hold on because endings require us to grieve. And if you've ever grieved anything, which, if you're listening, you have, it's not fun. However, I will say this, I'm sure, even if you're in the midst of it. And I've had to grieve several things, personally, professionally, financially, emotionally, spiritually. I've lost people to death. I've lost every dime I've ever had. I've lost homes, I've lost animals, I've lost marriages. I've lost everything you can think of. And on the other side of it, like, I understood it, I understood of it. It's hard when it's death, right? Like, I. I'm not a firm believer of everything happens for a reason. If you know me, you know I don't believe in that. However, I do believe that does happen can be turned into something beautiful, right? But grieving is not a fun process, right? And sometimes we have to grieve who we thought we'd be, how we thought it would look, what once made us feel safe. Shedding leaves you vulnerable before it makes you powerful. But staying doesn't protect you from the vulnerability. It just trades it for a slow erosion or something so destructive, like blowing up your life, where it leaves wreckage behind, where it impacts a lot more than you want it to, right? So how do you know? So here are kind of some discernment questions. And discernment is a muscle you have to build because a lot of times you know better, but you don't do better. And I don't say that to cast shame or judgment on any of us, right? We can justify. We can do all the things that. And tell ourselves all the things that help. Help it make sense, right? So here's what I want you to pause and really get honest with. Is this giving you life or just history? A Lot of those long term friendships that you keep hanging on onto. A lot of times when I'm coaching with somebody and they're telling me about like their best friend, I'm like, why is it, why are they your best friend? And if I hear, well, I've known them since, blah blah, blah, I'm like, okay, well let's take an inventory. And this isn't about like who's bad or good. Like I've had to end things relationship wise with a lot of really good people and a lot of people have ended it with me, right? Just because you have history doesn't mean it gives you life. Okay, another question to ask yourself. Are you staying out of alignment or out of fear? Right? And most of the time it's fear, right? It's way easier to keep what you know versus the unknown sometimes. What are you calling loyalty? That might actually be self abandonment or self betrayal. That's a tough one too. This is an important one. What would become possible if you let this end? I did an episode, God, probably last year about like the elite doesn't wait in line. And I told a story about an old friend of mine who always had a boyfriend, always. And her last one, when we were friends, he was a major douchebag. Like seriously, he was a piece of. And she knew it too. And I was like, why do you keep this guy around? She's like, well at least I know like what to expect. And you know, I'm just waiting for like Mr. Right to Come along. Or maybe you're holding on to an old business waiting for like this to pop off. And now I'm not saying burn all the the boats. If you need the financial stuff, don't quit your job tomorrow to start the business. Like you can bridge it, right? But you also have to know when it's time, right? And what I mean by this is like the elite doesn't wait in line where you have to make room for the abundance to flow in. I say this specifically with relationships, right? Like if you want, you know, the support crew, the incredible friendships, the love of your life, financial abundance, you have to be able to make room for it. So what would become possible if you, if you let it go? You don't need the certainty, you need integrity if you know you're in a relationship in something that has you self abandoning constantly. Now if you need your job, I understand, right? You have to make some other moves, right? So when you are faced with your answers now, what do you do about it, right? You call me, you call Me, because I can help you navigate that in a way that gives you a cleaner, less scary way to move forward. Now you'll still have to grieve. You'll still have to feel the feelings you still might think like, holy, what am I doing here? But this is where I'm very skilled and masterful. I have helped and guided many couples through uncoupling. I have helped resurrect relationships, I have helped resurrect businesses. I have helped end businesses that needed to go. Friendships, all sorts of things. Strong leaders don't cling. And I know, like, if you are listening, you are somebody who wants to be a legendary kind of leader. So that means you're gonna have to end what's complete. Not recklessly, not dramatically, but cleanly. The year of the Snake didn't ask you to burn your life down, okay? It asked you to stop dragging the old skin forward. Softness and ease are not weaknesses. They are the actual flex. And this is something that I am embracing. It still feels uncomfortable, but I do believe it's the actual flex. And the next chapter of your life doesn't require necessarily more effort. It just requires that space. You don't need permission to shed what's complete. You need the courage to stop carrying it. And as we move into 2026, I know, you know, it's the year of the horse. And it's ironic because I have, I have a deep connection to animals and specifically horses. I've had a few in my life and in my home. I have these beautiful, gorgeous pictures of horses. I have two beautiful paintings in my home and I also have these beautiful wood sculpted horses throughout my house. And I was walking around this morning after my walk at 5 o' clock this morning, and I was like, wow, I'm surrounded by the horse. But in order to move at the speed of a stallion, like, you're gonna have to let go of what weighs it down. Also, fun fact for my Harry Potter fans, my patronus is the white stallion. So I am letting go of everything and everything so I can be off to the races. And I want that for you too. I really, really, really do. But you can't run like the wind like the stallion you are. If you are dragging around dead weight and sometimes you need somebody to help you let go. And if that is you, please, please, please do not wait one more, one more minute. You can spend six months with me and we can go through your whole life. This is life changing work that I do with my VIP101 clients. If you're not necessarily ready for that or want a T of what that might look like, you can book a 90 minute one on one session with me. Those are like 10 years of therapy in 90 minutes. That's not me claiming that. It's what I hear over and over and over again. Because we need to move fast. And although I'm no therapist, never wanted to be one. Even though every therapist of mine was like you should be a therapist. I'm like, no offense but it moves way too slow. And most of us when we go to see a therapist or in crisis and I I'm a full believer in therapy more as maintenance but not for crisis management necessarily. And that's why I decided to be a coach rather than a therapist. So that being said, for you to move fast in 2026 like it is time, like this is not the slow play here. You need to be ready to run like the wind. Book some time with me. All of this can be found@tracyomalley.com the work with me section has all of my offerings. I I guarantee you it will be some of the best money you ever spend to have true guidance, to have the ability to let go with support because that can be really challenging if you're not feeling supported. It gets very lonely when we start shedding. We feel very naked like that snake as we shed. But the true gift is coming and I want to be with you, alongside of you, supporting you, cheering you on every step of the way. And truth be told, you all, you all, when you trust me like that, make me better. And it means the world to me. I am ready for the the horse. I am really ready to shed it all, let it go, feel naked, feel all the things. And I know that you are too. The best is yet to come. Thank you for listening. Please share this with somebody who maybe needs to hear this. If you haven't yet, please leave a review if you feel inclined to. It means the world to me. That's how more people get this show in their feed, in their ears, in their hearts, and in their souls. Because we are here to just honor the edge that's in all of us. I love you guys.

And that's a wrap on today's Dive into the Edge.

If this episode hit you in the.

Gut or lit a fire under your ass, good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox. It's a damn decision. And the Enneagram, it's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use it. If you loved today's episode. Share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking. Your edge.