EP447: Staying Power: When Courage is Who The F You Are

You were invited. In part one. There was a moment, a quiet nudge, A truce. You couldn't unhear. You were asked to go first. That was the invitation. Then came the initiation. In part two, you jumped. You told the truth. You survived the aftermath. The silence, the grief, the recalibration. You didn't turn back. And now we're here. And this is the part most people never get to. Because invitation feels electric. Initiation feels intense. But integration. And embodiment. Embodiment feels steady. And steady is where most people lose interest or they get really uncomfortable. Steady is where leaders are built. You don't get embodiment by chasing the next leap. You get there by staying with what you already choose. And that's what we're talking about today. So let's dive in. Hey. Hey.

And welcome to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o'.

Malley.

Enneagram expert leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet.

Now, if you're new here, buckle up.

This is absolutely not another fluffy Enneagram podcast where we talk about how sweet it is to be an Enneagram, too, and bake cookies for your friends.

No, this is the real deal.

This show is about using the Enneagram as a tool for transformation, not just information. And definitely not some party trick.

Because knowing your type is cute, but

embodying your highest expression, that is where your edge is. Every week, I'm bringing you the truth

behind the types and the hype.

How to stop self sabotaging, lead like a damn legend, and actually understand the people in your life without wanting to

scream into a pillow.

Or if you're an enneagram8 like me,

not throat punch someone.

We'll talk about leadership, relationships, business, healing, high performance, and why come couples therapy isn't working. But fully understanding your Enneagram blueprint might just save your marriage. I'll drop solo episodes behind the curtain, coaching, and the occasional rant when someone calls the Enneagram just a personality test. So if you're ready to stop playing small and start showing up with unshakable clarity, confidence, and compassion for yourself and others. This is your space.

You've got an edge. Now let's use it. Hey. Hey. And welcome back to another episode of the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, and we are in part three of the trilogy. When I started this series, I didn't even expect it to be a series. I talked about going first two weeks ago and the next thing you knew, you know, I was recording Part two and part three. Because it's one thing to go first, right? And a lot of people, you know, that's the hardest part. But there's so much more that happens after you make the decision, after you choose it. And so I wanted to talk about what the staying power looks like when courage becomes your identity and the true embodiment of that experience, whether it's your first time going first, whether it's the millionth time you've gone first and understanding kind of what can and cannot happen, or, you know, the things that maybe you weren't expecting in doing that, you know, because when we do decide to go first and we actually have the courage to do it, it's like, ooh, it's all going to be easy street from there. And that's not always what happens. Embodiment is what happens after the drama. Not in the initiation. It's not in the invitation even. It's in the integration. Because the invitation is the spark, right? The initiation is the fire. But this embodiment is tending to the flame. And this is kind of the hardest part, right? Because even in the initiation, when you're going through the good, the hard and the ugly, like I talked about in the last episode, even when you get through that, they're still like, oh, my gosh, like, is this really it? Right? So what are we going to do, like, in that staying power, and how courage can become your identity is knowing what to do and what is happening when the adrenaline fades or when no one is reacting anymore, when you're not proving anything. And that quiet discipline of alignment, and this is the difference between intensity and integrity. And as an enneagram, y', all, I happen to fucking love intensity. I eat it for breakfast, right? And sometimes when the intensity fades of even the decision, even of the drama that comes with it, right? What am I going to do when I'm in integrity, when I know it's like the right decision and I'm in the. In the center of that right now with the new change and deciding to venture back into network marketing in one of my businesses, you know what I mean? It doesn't mean it's easy, but, you know, I made the decision. I went first. I've been through the initiation, and I'm staying in integrity because people have trusted me, because I believe in it, because I know it's a big fuck yes for me, right? And it's still really hard, right? Because most people love the moment of courage, but very Few love the maintenance of it. If you get nothing else from this, that is your mic drop moment. One of the most profound things in almost 14 years of recovery as well. One of the things I hold on to every single fucking day is this statement. What we have is a daily reprieve that is contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. This is the integration of recovery. This is the integration of the courage it takes to go first. I'm going to say it again, y'. All. Most people love the moment of courage, but very few love the maintenance of it. Holy. That's so good. Because embodiment, honestly, is not sexy, and it is consistent. And honestly, consistency is very sexy to me. So why do people collapse after the initiation? Right? The invitation is going first. The initiation is. You know, that part. But why do most people collapse after the initiation? And this ties directly into that. Part two of this trilogy that I didn't mean to end up doing. Going back to old patterns. When the loneliness hits, right? In the good, the bad, and the hard and the ugly, and all the things, right? I. I was very clear on some things that can happen. And, you know, even when, you know people are going to leave or project or talk shit, misunderstand, misjudge, and they go. And at first it's like, see, like, I'll show you, right? And I've had many moments of this. I did it, like, when I got sober, everybody left my life. When I started network marketing, people thought I was crazy. In my personal life, they're like, oh, it takes somebody really special to do that, right? When I came out, loud and proud out of the Enneagram closet, doing it and teaching it and. And showing it a way that isn't done out in the Enneagram space, like, it gets really quiet. The crickets start chirping, and the lonely loneliness hits. And so a lot of times, like, nevermind, Never mind, right? Another reason why you may collapse after the initiation is, you know, you have explained yourself into exhaustion, right? And you're starting to, like, gaslight your fucking self, right? You're re seeking that validation from others. And this is a big one that I do is manufacturing chaos when calm feels unsafe. Holy fuck. I know a lot of you guys feel this way. It's like, I don't know how. Sometimes I do know how, but my old muscle memory is like, I can perform and make shit happen when my back's up against the wall or when there's drama. It's like, oh, it's a fight. Okay. Hey, big Enneagram 8 energy. It doesn't matter if you're not an Enneagram 8. I know a lot of people will manufacture drama and chaos in their life when the calm feels safe. I've spent the last two years really understanding that pattern about myself, you know, and sometimes this calm feels like I'm blowing up my life. And it's actually the healthier option than creating drama and blowing up my life because the calm is uncomfortable. You know what I mean? A lot of people will collapse after the initiation because of the cycle. The brave, the backlash, and the retreat. The brave, the backlash, the retreat. I see this all the time with yours truly as well. Okay? So if you don't integrate the initiation, you'll keep reliving it. It's the same leap, but just a different room, same package, different wrapping paper. Integration consistently. Again, this is not like something that you check a box. I'm all about not box checking your life and not box checking your growth. Because it's not like I did the work. Anytime somebody comes to me says I did the work, I'm like, well, guess what? You're in the loop, right? Because the minute we look at integration like it's a box to check, you're fucked up, right? It's going to come and side whack you. You're going to get whiplash, all the things. So integration consistently until you're dead breaks the loop. Now, I wanted to kind of anchor in some Enneagram talk in here. After all, this is the Enneagram Edge podcast. But this will help you kind of streamline what might be happening for you. And if you haven't taken my assessment that's over 95% accurate, I highly recommend it. It's like having the right coordinates to your soul map. You can go to tracee o'malley.com the work with me section to get your own blueprint. But we're going to anchor in here some Enneagram Chetta. So after invitation and initiation, right? The going first, the taking the leap, my instinctual types, my eights, nines and ones, when they're in integration, they stop over controlling and learn to stand grounded. And as an eight myself, like I still like, we can polish up control. All the eights, the nines and the ones can polish up control and justify why they're controlling. And that's why they get all twisted sometimes. But staying in that grounded energy will be really, really important. For the ceiling types, the heart types, the twos, threes and fours. When they're in consistent integration, they stop shape Shifting and stay rooted in their worth, knowing that they don't have to earn it, prove it, have a transaction for it, right? And again, this is not a boxy check. New levels will bring new devils. So being aware that this is kind of what integration looks like without your polished up justifiable bullshit, this is where it gets really good. Now for the head types, the thinking types, the five sixes and sevens. When they're in integration, they stop over calculating up. Like they stop trying to be overly prepared and they can move from that more embodied clarity versus that panic, chaotic need for certainty. So pattern awareness and understanding where your enneagram type goes is really good. However, pattern leadership is the real flex. Like it's one thing to be aware of it, it's another thing to know and actively do something with it, not about it. Because there's nothing wrong with us. It's just information, it's just data, right? But it's how we self lead ourselves when some of these protective patterns, dysfunctional patterns kind of show up. There's a difference between understanding you're reacting versus responding. This is usually where I talk about like the difference between the thermometer and the thermostat. When we're reactive, we're operating like a thermometer, right? Think about it like I live in Phoenix, Arizona and man, when it's 120, if I did not stay in air conditioning, I'd burn up, right? But when you set the thermostat for like this is how I operate. No matter if shit's getting real or if everything's calm, that's the difference between reacting and responding. Understanding your default fear versus your integrated power, like understanding the fear of your enneagram type is really, really important. It doesn't mean it's not going to happen. Honestly, the more that the fears come up, it means there's a beautiful opportunity to grow, right? When you're triggered, things like that. And then when you're in that, instead of using some of these reactive patterns, right? Or making excuses for them or saying bullshit like this is just the way that I am, which is what I used to do back in the day. And understanding that this is an opportunity, this is a fork in the road. This is where I get to flex in all the healthy ways. This is where there's no box checking, but it's like I've put the reps in. This is new muscle memory and this is how I'm moving forward in it. And honestly, aside from being a mom, that's my greatest success. Is the mom that I am today. But honestly, my second greatest thing I'm most proud of is my integrated power. When I am being tested, when, you know, I'm getting kicked in the teeth or when I'm being betrayed, which is like the biggest fear as an Enneagram. Eight, how I integrate my strength and power. And this is how you will stay in this embodiment. After that invitation of going first, after the initiation of holy shit, it's getting real up in here, right? And then living from your whole center and not from these places of protection all the time. Because although the protection might seem like the right thing to do in the moment, it will keep the cycle going and it will frustrate the shit out of you because, you know, you know. And once you, like, know, you can't unknowing, right? So integration is where your Enneagram type stops kind of running the show and starts serving up that integrity. And this is why when I talk about the wings, this is the real super. These are the real superheroes of the Enneagram. And it's when I'm doing sessions with people or VIP coaching with people, or doing workshops for, you know, teams, organizations, families, couples, the wings really help you stay in integrity because your core Enneagram type will try to keep you in that protection that. That place that will temporarily fix it, but create long game problems. And that, my friends, is real maturity. That is true integration and embodiment. So now, if you didn't know, we're entering the year of the fire horse too. And, um, you know, we are exiting out of the year of the Snake. And I'm telling you right now, these last two years have been some of the most hard and uncomfortable moments of my life. Like, you know, at my age of almost 54, like, it feels like I've been shedding like a ton my whole life, but nothing like these last two years. Because I'm doing exactly what I just talked about, the integration, and I'm staying in this. I'm not doing the things that I typically do, like, you know, trying to prove myself my power somewhere else. But with you stepping into the year of the firehouse Fire horse, this is when true integration will have you accelerate your transformation, accelerate your growth, your abundance, your everything that you know you're here to do. This is when things accelerate. Because fire is power and the horse is movement. Can you imagine what that looks like, right? Power and movement together in unison, in integrity, right? But here's what a lot of you might be forgetting, right? A wild Horse burns energy fast, right? If you think about like the horses running through the fields, like unhinged, right, they. They go very, very fast. But a trained horse can carry their power for miles and miles and miles. And fire without grounding can be very, very destructive. Right? But a fire with direction becomes like next level awesome, right? This year was not about jumping again, but it's about running with that stamina to go the distance. And when you understand what to do with this directed fire, the amount and the lengths you'll be able to go into this next level of your life will be something that's pretty special. And when you use this fire as a life force, the horse as like your embodiment of like, yes, this is who the fuck I am. Making sure that you have direction over the wildness and the chaos. And you know, if you are somebody who is an adrenaline junkie, this, this can feel a little uncomfortable, Right? Right. You're assuming like just going in hot, coming in hot is going to be the way that it goes, but it's like directed fire having that stamina over the spark. And you've heard me talk about it before, the difference between like horsepower versus torque, right? The horsepower is like you're revving your engine all the time. That's uncontained and undirected fire. Whereas torque is where it's a very directed move. It's like, all right, on your marks, get set. And then like, you know, I drove a big old V8 lifted truck. Like, I love the torque in that. And that's, that's what I mean by stamina over spark and then power, using power that doesn't self sabotage. Now, a lot of my more assertive types of, you know, and especially my fellow enneagram eights, you know, a lot of times my power in the past used irresponsibly and subconsciously, not even realizing what I was doing would blow up my life, would blow up relationships, would hurt people, hurt myself. Very destructive. So really taking that compassionate, curious inventory of yourself is like, is this power creating something sabotage and pain and drama, because that's how I know how to operate. Or is this power coming from a place of integrity and the right thing for this situation so that, you know, you've already been invited, you've already been initiated. Now the question is, can you carry the fire without letting it burn you down? Right? So at some point, you know, courage stops being something you do and it becomes who you are. This is not easy to do, right? Like, oh my God, you know, this is why like, between social media and the emergence of AI the last years, like, I look at social media and I don't even fucking recognize it anymore. And, you know, I obviously do use ChatGPT for some things, but it's more to brainstorm ideas. And I'm not gonna lie, I slipped into like, well, content is king, more is better. And I tried to start using it for that. And I'm like, this feels like, disgusting to me. No offense if you use it, like, seriously, because I get it. But we're losing. We're losing embodiment with it. And so I've made the decision, like, from here on out, I'll use AI to brainstorm, like, even podcast episodes. Like, I use it to brainstorm. And then it's all my. It's all me after that, right? And so you have to make the decision at some point that the courage stops being that something you do and it becomes who you are. And I'm going to tell you, in a world full of more is better. For me to say I'm not going to do it is really scary. But also, again, I'm going first in this, in my. In my brain, and it's scary. It's the invitation. I'm in the initiation. And now it's time to integrate this, right? When we're in this embodiment, in the integration, you stop negotiating with yourself. You stop threatening to go back. You stop explaining your growth. You simply live from this. And I bargain with myself all the time, right? But I know I'm full of shit when I do that, right? So I'm just saying that, like, even though you may have done a lot of the work, and if you say I've done the work. No, you haven't. Because, like, if you say you've done the work, that's you saying, I'm done growing, right? So we want integrity to be your baseline. That is the standard. You want to honor the calm strength. This, like I said, is the thing I'm most proud of, is like, I have strength in my calmness versus the strength coming from a place of like a bull in the china shop. You don't have to prove yourself when you're in integrity and in this embodiment and they're performing stops now. It's so funny, you guys. I am going to an event this week for the launch of my network marketing company for the U.S. canada and Mexico, and I'm really fucking excited about it. And it's going to be, you know, all the things that are those events. It's you know, content. Well, I hate that word by the way. It's just pictures being taken. And you know what? I'm packing you guys? Hoodies and jeans. I've decided I don't need to play a part. I am super professional. Even as I sit here in my black sheep hoodie and my cute little free people jeans and my little air force ones, like, that is who I am. No more performing. And you know what? It feels really good. And I mean, I remember a few years ago, you know, again, there's these waves of the initiation and the invitation and all of this. And I remember I was asked to do a keynote and it was a big woman's event and you know, hoity toity Scottsdale, no offense, if you're in Scottsdale, it's beautiful. I get it. I love it. And also, like, don't want to live there just because I don't feel it's as authentic as I prefer to be. And I remember I was the closing keynote for that event and the person that invited me, you know, was like, you're going to be the closing. She's like, I'm going to have a whole videographer team. Closing content, blah, blah. I'm like, awesome. I'm like, well, I'm going to let you know ahead of time. So I don't surprise you, but I plan to deliver the keynote in. At the time it was my Victoria's Secret pink sweatsuit. And she was almost mortified. She goes, oh my God. She goes, but like I'm doing video and all that. I'm like, yes, and I am delivering a keynote on being your true authentic self and what that means. And if I'm not my true authentic self, which happens to love hoodies and sweatpants, not because I'm hiding, but because I like it. I really like it, you know, and that was a moment and she was like, all right, like that's actually very inspiring. And so this weekend or this week, I'm going to Dallas in my personal favorite non performing uniform, really cute jeans, really cool sneaks and a hoodie, right? And this is where our self trust really is embodied. And I feel really good even as, you know, one of the first ambassadors and a top leader, like, this is who I am. I am unapologetic about it. If you look at me and judge me or maybe are like, I don't want to be with you because you don't like play the part, then you know what, you're missing out. And I want all of you to feel that kind of embodiment. All right, so we're going to finish this out, right? We're going to complete the trilogy here with understanding. Like, this is a continuous process. Every time you're faced with, you know, a thing where it's like, oh, boy, you're at that fork in the road and do you go down the road that you know, even though it sucks and even though you know what happens down that road and it maybe isn't your favorite thing, but at least you know what you're getting, or you go down the road of like, no, I'm going to be brave and go first. So part one was your invitation. Part two was the initiation. If you haven't listened to those, definitely go, listen, save them, download them, re listen to them. And part three, right here is your integration and embodiment. You don't need another leap. You need staying power. And that fire horse isn't asking you to run wild anymore. It's asking you to run in alignment, to carry your power with beautiful, beautiful fiery direction, to move without burning out and to lead without self abandonment. Courage was the spark. Initiation was the test. And here, right here, right now, your embodiment is the mastery. And sometimes mastery is quiet, and sometimes you feel like you're not doing shit. And it's actually where all your power is. And as I move into this year of the fire Horse, even though it feels like I need to do something grand and loud, actually stepping into this embodiment and integration of all that I've shed over the last two years is a lot quieter than it used to be. There's no big, loud declaration. My energy speaks for itself, and I want that for you. So welcome to the part where you start where you stop proving and you really just own who the fuck you are. Seriously, you guys, I am so proud of you. Honestly, this going into this fire horse season is going to require your understanding and integration of all of this last three episodes more than ever. If you are somebody that is struggling with either the invitation, the initiation, or the integration of it, welcome to the club. It's a continuous process. You'll keep putting the reps in. You know where to find me. You can find me on the Instagram. I'd love to hear how this lands for you. You can slide into my DMS or, you know, please share these episodes with people that really need to hear it. I've gotten so much feedback. I really have. I don't say that, you know, like, I've so many people like, no, seriously, probably more than I've heard in a long time from people about the previous two episodes and I know after this one. So please share it. And if you could leave a review, that would mean the world to me. Especially if you have a podcast. Like if you want reviews, you got to give them too. So, um, it's just kind of the reciprocity of this world. But as always, I'm super thankful for you. Um, I don't take the responsibility lightly that you spend time, energy and trust with me and moving forward even more. I'm going to step into that unhinged, unapologetically me power hoodies and all. So hoodies up, sisters and brothers. Um, I appreciate you and here's to a hell of a year of the Fire Horse. Until next time.

And that's a wrap on today's Dive into the Edge. If this episode hit you in the gut or lit a fire under your ass, good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox.

It's a damn decision.

And the Enneagram. It's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use. If you loved today's episode, share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking. Your edge.