Confidence is Overrated: Chapter 10 "Send the Book"

Confidence is Overrated, an informal reading by me, the author Travis Thomas. Chapter 10, Send the Book. Quote, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Wayne Gretzky, or Michael Scott if you're an Office watcher. Wayne Gretzky's quote above has always been one of my favorites. But for a new generation, they might attribute that quote to fictional Dunder Mifflin regional manager Michael Scott. Just wanted to clear up any confusion. As an idea person or comedian, my wife would accuse me of being a volume shooter. When it comes to looking for laughs, I tend to take a lot of shots. Occasionally one hits. And as I've taught my kids, and they now understand the expression, Even a broken clock is right twice a day. If you take enough shots, a few are bound to go in. When it comes to life, it's pretty much the same. Full disclosure, I understand my personality is more naturally prone to having lots of ideas. My wife, on the other hand, is meticulous. She is patient and discerning. She's not a volume shooter. She is a sniper. I need a little more of her in my process. All of that to say, I take a lot of creative shots. Okay, what does Send the Book mean? I need to start this back in January of 2015. I was still working at IMG Academy. Every few weeks, I would do a leadership session with the under-17 U.S. Boys National Soccer Team. Again, soccer was my first passion, so I loved getting to work with and know these young, talented players. In this one session, I was taking them through a few yes, and exercises and how the concept is relevant to them as soccer players. It was fun, interactive, and all the guys had a great time. Standing in the back of the room with the coaches was a gentleman I didn't recognize or hadn't seen before. After my session, the man approached me and complimented me on how much he enjoyed the ideas I shared, and then introduced himself as representing the US Men's National Team, the senior team. He was in town checking in on the U-17 team and then was heading back to join up with the senior team that was training in California for the month. He asked me if I would be interested in flying to California and doing my session for the senior team. Seriously interested? Of course! This was the team that had just competed in the 2014 World Cup. He told me he needed to coordinate with the coach, Jürgen Klinsmann, but he was convinced Jürgen would love the session. I tried not to get my hopes up, but the opportunity to speak with the national team was all-consuming. For the next two days, I tried to go about my day, but it was hard not to think about anything else. Emotionally, I was trying not to put all my eggs in this basket, but it was hard to do. I knew there was a possibility it wouldn't work out, so I had prepared for that. And then the news came. Sadly, there was a schedule change with the team, so he apologized that it wasn't going to work out this time. As for those eggs in the basket, smashed. He mentioned staying in touch for the future, the normal pleasantries, but in my head and heart, it felt like a dagger, a huge missed opportunity. I doubted a chance like this would ever come again. About a mile off of IMG's campus, there's a Starbucks that I treated as my second office. I shared an office space with a coworker, and the two of us were chatty, so Starbucks was a great retreat to put my head down and get work done. I phoned her in the morning after getting the bad news, letting her know I was going to head to Starbucks to get some work done. But the real reason was I wanted to go and sulk in my sadness. Even though I was around a lot of people in the store, I could be alone. There I was, having a pity party with my iced coffee, when a stranger sat down in the leather chair next to me. I didn't know him, but I recognized him as the dad of one of the youth tennis players living and training at the Academy. He sat down, introduced himself, and told me he really enjoyed my sessions. Parents would occasionally watch a leadership or mental skills session, and I remember he had sat in one or two before. He began to tell me about his international business and how his wife was a fitness guru, and then he casually said to me, you know, you're not gonna be here— he meant IMG— very long. You've got bigger things to do. Clearly, this caught me off guard, and I responded with a curious laugh. And he went on to say, listen, what you need to do is write a book. Doesn't need to be a good book, but if you write a book, you can now call yourself a published author, which gives you more credibility as a coach and speaker. What he didn't know, because he had never— we had never spoken before, is that I had wanted to write a book for a long time. But I still didn't have a specific focus. He then concluded by saying, it's just my opinion, but you're really talented as a speaker, and I think you're going to outgrow this place. And with that, I thanked him for his kind words. He got up and left. I never saw him or spoke to him again. He was a guardian angel that showed up at the exact time with the perfect message to comfort me and motivate me out of my funk. At that moment, computer in my lap, I opened it up and wrote the introduction to my first book, 3 Words for Getting Unstuck: Live Yes, And. I didn't have the title yet, but the idea was now crystal clear. Ever since my introduction to improvisation, I had been looking for ways to share the knowledge and principles with people outside of the theater. It was infused in my marriage and parenting, my spirituality, and how my wife and I lived our lives. We are constantly jumping and trusting the net will appear. Improvisation was the bridge that brought me back to sports performance, and it was the niche that was starting to get me on stages as a speaker. The book had been marinating in my mind for over 15 years, and now it was time to let it out. 5 months later, I left IMG Academy to once again relaunch my coaching, speaking, and consulting career. It wasn't that I felt better than IMG, but the nudge from my guardian angel was the inspiration I needed to push me to my next chapter. I was leaving the safety and guarantee of a paycheck at one of the world's most highly respected sports facilities, but I needed to bet on myself. As one of my favorite quotes by John Shedd reads, a ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. I moved my family back to Jupiter, Florida for the 3rd time. I worked consistently on the book while exploring opportunities for consulting and speaking. I was excited and invigorated for this new beginning. I was an instant success. My phone rang off the hook. Everyone wanted to work with me. It was so easy and effortless. There was no doubt in my mind I made the right decision. Nope, it was the total opposite. Although I was enjoying the process of writing my book, no publishers were interested, nor was anyone asking me to come and speak in their company or team. I remember booking my first corporate talk as a— at a good speaking rate and then immediately feeling terrified. I wasn't afraid of delivering the workshop, that was the easy part. The terror came from not knowing how I was going to book the next event. I mean, to survive and provide, I needed to keep booking event after event, not one and done. One of my favorite writers, and he should be yours too, is Steven Pressfield. He's the author of the War of Art series, a screenwriter, and prolific all-around inspirational badass. This is a guy who lived through homelessness, chronic rejection, and countless failed pursuits. while pursuing his passion. He's walked the walk and has dedicated much of his writing to others trying to do the same. You need to check him out. He uses the term resistance to define any force that tries to prevent you from living your purpose or passion. Resistance is persistent, ruthless, and will show up however it needs to persuade you away from your calling. And the reason it's so effective is because it's our internal insecurities externalized as outside forces. It's us versus us. It's self-sabotage disguised as your spouse, boss, economy, talent, intelligence, health mishaps, luck, friendships, etc., etc., etc., on and on and on. It's an inside job, so there's no escaping it. The only thing we can do and must do is kill resistance every day if we are going to achieve the life we want to live. And when you wake up tomorrow morning, there it is, already up, coffee in hand, waiting to battle once more. It sounds so scary, but it's not. It's just you wrestling with you, all your stuff that is too afraid to hope, trust, risk, love, commit, or dream because it's afraid things won't work out. So instead, resistance will do everything it can to keep you in your place and ignore your purpose. Can you feel that right now? At this moment, you're in your head asking if this is true. And even though you know it's true, resistance is trying to convince you that I am a crazy person who doesn't know what he's talking about. Resistance is telling you this doesn't apply to you. Do you believe it? Resistance just is. It's there for all of us, and it's only bad if we decide to listen to it more than we don't. Steven Pressfield has this to say about resistance. Resistance, in my experience, always kicks in when you're trying to move from a lower level to a higher level, or to identify with a braver part of yourself or your higher nature. So it's that negative repelling force. It's kind of the dragon that we have to slay every day if we're artists or entrepreneurs. Slaying dragons. That is the analogy Joseph Campbell uses when talking about the hero's journey and challenging our feels. Like Pressfield, Campbell would agree that whether you call it resistance or dragons or obstacles, they each really stem from our own fears. For me, resistance hit with full force. I left IMG in May and we moved back to Jupiter. Within a month of moving home, I developed a persistent skin rash that lasted for the summer. My wife, who had a reliable full-time remote job 30 to 35 hours a week, was told she wasn't needed anymore. I booked one speaking gig over a 4-month period, and to top it all off, at the end of the summer, my youngest son spent a week in the hospital with severe pneumonia. The biggest blessing, besides of course his recovered health, was that I qualified for Medicaid because I had no proof of income. The hospital had me fill out a paper calendar to show the amount of work I was doing. With complete honesty, I was able to fill out month after month by writing no work scheduled. When it was all said and done, all his medical expenses except the exciting ambulance transfer was covered. Even as I write this, I'm taken back to the helplessness of that time. And despite the difficulty, it still wasn't as challenging as things had been 7 years previous. For my wife and I, we had become regular bedmates with Resistance. As Pressfield says, the amateur believes he must first overcome his fear, then he can do his work. The professional knows that fear can never be overcome. He knows there is no such thing as a fearless warrior or a dread-free artist. My uncertainty tolerance was turning into a fearful warrior and dreadful artist who was willing to show up and do the work anyway. On the outside, I looked perfectly calm, happy, and confident, Even though I was filled with fear and doubt, my external appearance— excuse me— my external appearance wasn't fake. I was just becoming more comfortable being with the uncertainty, yet still showing up with joy and hope. I was still being courageous. In 2016, I self-published my book on Amazon. It's still available. I took speaking work anywhere I could get it, paid or unpaid. I always brought along a few books as giveaways to volunteers and to sell to anyone else interested. I remember searching all the Optimist Club chapters up and down the east coast of Florida because they always need speakers for their meetings. Even though they didn't pay their speakers, I would always say yes because any chance to speak, meet people, and get my message out could open up another future opportunity. According to Pressfield, that is what a pro would do. Step by step, more opportunities began to come. My years at IMG Academy helped open doors to college and pro sports teams. My good friend Josh Lifrak, a former mental skills coach at IMG, brought me in to work with the Chicago Cubs minor league baseball players and managers. When he left IMG, he took a full-time position with the Cubs. Today we both serve as head coaches for Limitless Minds. Justin Suey's former— excuse me, Justin Suey is another former IMG friend. He brought me in to work with the Boston Red Sox minor league players and then eventually with the Tampa Bay Rays major league squad. Lauren Johnson, another former IMG intern, brought me in to work with the New York Yankees minor league players and managers. Today she is one of the top mental skills experts in the industry. At the same time, author and motivational speaker John O'Leary became a close friend and mentor. He hired me to speak at a few of his events, which opened up doors for more relationships with— more relationships and connections. His 2 books are must-reads, and there was recently a movie made about his amazing life story. Side note, the movie is called On Fire. It came out this past year in 2025. Highly recommend it. I think it's on Netflix. All right, back to the book. In the spirit of not saying no to opportunities that aligned with my purpose, I spoke at a community event, another freebie, which led me to being asked to teach a few college courses for the Watson Institute at Lynn University, a program built for socially conscious entrepreneurs. And in my spare time, I served as the leadership and mental skills coach for a youth soccer club in Jupiter, where I got the chance to keep working and honing my skills with youth athletes, plus the occasional improv show. Then in 2017, as I mentioned earlier in the book, I got connected with Trevor Moawad. Trevor got me in with the University of Georgia football team and then began booking me consistently with his corporate clients. This would become the beginning of Limitless Minds. Work still felt uncertain, but the work I was putting in was beginning to bear fruit, which leads us to the point of this chapter and why we should just send the book. Like I mentioned, I published the book in 2016, still on Amazon, and from that time I used it as a tool to send to potential clients As well as selling copies at my talks. If I ran into someone and then we started talking about my book, bam, here's a copy. I would occasionally put copies in the mail and send them off to coaches who I thought would appreciate the message. Most of the time you hear nothing back, maybe a thank you note. It was cool getting a signed thank you note back then from Coach K at Duke, but come on, that was his assistant, right? The point being, As any author will tell you, nothing happens from sending your book. It's just known sending cold copies of your book is proven to be pointless. You might as well take a $5 bill and your book and chuck them out the car window. No point. A little water break here. At this point, we're nearing the end of 2019. It's been a much busier few years for me, and despite these initial slow grind years after leaving IMG, things were trending in the right direction. My resume was filled with countless talks, as well as working with some amazing sports teams, as well as organizations. Excuse me. My resume was filled with countless talks, as well as working with some amazing sports teams and organizations. Around this time, the US Women's National Soccer Team had just hired Vlatko Andonovski as their new coach. The thought came to me to send him my book. I then remembered that Gregg Berhalter had been hired as the men's coach at the beginning of 2019, and I hadn't sent him a book either. Gregg and I are the same age, and I'd followed his pro career as a national team player And then his success rising up the ranks as a professional coach. There I was in my living room with the thought I should send them my book. I went over to my desk where I had a stack of copies as well as envelopes to pack them in, but then I stopped because the next thought that came to me was, why are you wasting your time sending these guys your book? They're not going to get them, and if they do, nothing comes from sending cold copies of your book. I stopped, put the books down, and agreed. Yeah, it would be pointless to send them my book. But dang it, there's another voice in your head as well. It's often quieter and not always heard or listened to. It's a more supportive and encouraging voice. It's open and curious and filled with wonder. As I put the books down and started walking away, Why not? Who cares if they don't get them? But what if they do? It'll take you 5 minutes to write notes in the books, put them in envelopes, and drop them off at the post office. Just do it. Hmm, he's right. No, he's not. Don't waste your time. And on it went for the next few moments, an internal argument of whether to send the books or not. I grabbed my pen, opened the books, and wrote a personal note in each. In Greg's book, I wrote something along the lines of, hey Greg, I've been a huge fan of the national team my whole life. I was a leadership coach at IMG for a few years and got to work with some of the guys currently on the team. I would love to connect sometime. I put the books in envelopes, found the address for US Soccer in Chicago, and then it was off to the post office. 25 minutes later, $6 poorer and $2 lighter, the task was done. I sent the book. As quickly as I mailed the books, they were immediately out of my mind. I had already moved on with no expectation or anticipation of anything happening. Remember, nothing happens when you send the book. About a week later, just before Thanksgiving, I got a text on my phone. You know, on Apple iPhone, it will sometimes say maybe in front of the person's name. So the sender of the text was maybe Greg Berhalter. The text read, Travis, I got the book. Thanks. I will read it and follow up with you. Greg. Greg Berhalter. Greg Berhalter. Who's Greg Berhalter? That is how That is how it was. I was so detached. I was from expecting to hear anything. The name was familiar, but it escaped me. My wife was in the room and I asked her, who's Greg Berhalter? To which she responded, I don't know. You've been on a, you've been doing a lot of speaking work and giving away lots of books. So I'm sure it's someone you gave a book to. No, that's not it. Let me Google Greg Berhalter. Wait, wait, wait. The Greg Berhalter, national team head coach Greg Berhalter, right? I just sent him my book a week ago. Holy cow, he actually got it. It's amazing. I have Greg's cell number. I can't believe he texted me. So after gaining my composure, I texted him back something along the line of, hey Greg, thanks for reaching out. I hope you enjoy the book. Would love to connect sometime. Have a great Thanksgiving. That was it. I knew I would never hear from Greg again, but man, I have his number. That must be worth something. And once again, time to move on. That was that. For Thanksgiving, we visited family in St. Louis, then returned to Florida. It was now mid-December. I was working out, and another text came through from maybe Greg Berhalter. Do you have time to chat? What? For real? I remember I was on a stair climber and I hit pause on the workout. I composed myself, texted back that I was in a meeting— technically I was with myself— and asked if he was free in the afternoon. He was. We confirmed a time to chat, and a few hours later I was calling Greg Berhalter. I called the number for maybe Greg Berhalter, and he answered without the maybe. Greg was super kind and pleasant. We talked and I began to give him more context about my professional journey when he cut me off. He said, you don't need to tell me about your path. I read your book. Oh, okay. Right. Yeah. Uh, I kind of— yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, here we go. Um, so he cut me off. Yes. I kind of detail my journey in the book, but did I really expect that Greg would have read the book? Of course not. That caught me off guard, just like this paragraph. I think I ended up saying, of course. Well, I know you must be super busy. What's up? For the next few minutes, Greg went on to tell me that he really enjoyed the book, my ideas, and how I talked about the application of improvisation to mental skills and team culture. He then articulated to me the culture he was trying to create in his first year on the job. And that he really wants the— and what he wants the team environment to look like. In my note with the book, I had mentioned a few players I'd worked with at IMG and who were now on the team. He told me he reached out to a few of them and thankfully they had good things to say. Yes, I got vetted. He then asked a question any freelance contract worker wants to hear. What does your year look like? My year, as in 2020? Ha! I responded simply with flexible. Yes, Greg, for a guy who tends to know his schedule a few months in advance, often less, my 2020 is open and I am very flexible. And even if I had the most non-flexible schedule possible, you can guarantee my response would have still been flexible. We're talking yogi, ballerina, gymnast, palm tree, Stretch Armstrong. Flexible. Greg told me he would be in Orlando for Christmas, and I— excuse me, Greg told me he'd be in Orlando for Christmas, and would I be willing to drive up from Jupiter and meet him for coffee to discuss further? Yeah, I think I can make that happen. A week later, I was driving up to Kissimmee, Florida to meet Greg in person. When I arrived, he was already in the back of the coffee shop at a table. I sat down, and for the next 20 minutes, He walked me through a PowerPoint presentation of the mindset, culture, and vision he had for the national team. He liked the idea of me being able to do leadership and mental sessions with the team, as well as being available for the guys one-on-one. My main focus would be on the overall culture of the group. He had spent the first year working with the coaches and players to establish the mission, vision, values, and pillars for the team. He thought I could take what was there and fine-tune it into day-to-day behaviors and actions that intentionally express the culture. I would help with, uh, I would help with messaging, pregame hype videos for the players, and team activities that bring the group closer together. In essence, this was everything I loved to do. He finished his presentation, looked at me and said, what do you think? Are you interested? Do you think you can do this? How many of us have been in a situation where your dream scenario is being offered to you? I was keenly conscious of the fact while it was happening. How is this happening? Am I interested? Get out of here! My answer, of course, was yes, I think I can do that. We talked through some of the logistics, and 3 weeks later, I I was joining the team for the 3-week-long January training camp in 2020. He was able to get me approved for a 6-month trial, and after the COVID pandemic shut everything down, that turned into staying with the team for the duration of the year. We then worked out a contract for 2021, which included winning the Nations League tournament and the Gold Cup tournament, and then rolled into World Cup qualifying. I was offered another contract in 2022, where we secured a spot back into the, into the World Cup for the first time since 2014. With the World Cup getting moved in November due to the scorching heat in Qatar, I ended my 3-year journey with the team, helping this young group of American talent advance out of our group before getting eliminated by the Netherlands in the round of 16. Sitting in that coffee shop across from Greg, I had no idea I would spend 3 years and 42 games with the national team. It was beyond my wildest dream that I would travel the world and then find myself on the field in Qatar for the FIFA World Cup. That whole 3-year journey was filled with endless pinch-me moments. I remember standing on the field in Las Vegas after winning the Gold Cup. And watching the confetti fall from the rafters. I remember standing in Azteca Stadium in Mexico City after earning a tough road point during World Cup qualifying. I have a picture of me celebrating at the corner flag in Denver after Christian Pulisic buried his extra-time PK against Mexico to seal the first-ever Nations League title. Spending so much time with all the players and staff for 3 years created relationships I will cherish and nurture forever. I never imagined anything like this was possible, and none of it would have happened if I hadn't sent the book. Had I lost that internal debate in my head while standing in my living room, I wouldn't have sent the book. If I had listened to myself instead of talked back to myself, I wouldn't have sent the book. And it goes back further than that. It goes back to IMG. If the opportunity to go and speak to the national team in 2015 had actually happened, would I have written the book? Remember, it was the disappointment of that falling through that led me to Starbucks on that fateful day where I was given a spiritual nudge by my guardian angel. It was in Starbucks that I opened my laptop and started writing my book. And to come first, and to come full circle, it was in another Starbucks in Kissimmee, Florida, where Greg offered me the opportunity of a lifetime. So in summary, there are a couple of things I want you to take away from this chapter. Number one, Starbucks should turn this into a commercial. Starbucks, where venti dreams come true. And 2, actions create outcomes. Everyone has dreams, but not everyone takes actions. As we discussed, roughly 80% of our thoughts lean negative. I was battling that negativity when it came time to decide whether or not to send the books. Thank goodness I happened to listen to the 20% that day that wasn't concerned about time, ego, or shipping costs. I would say the outcome was worth the effort. Rejection hurts. It's why so many people want to be pro athletes and entertainers, but most quickly tap out and find a plan B. Hearing no over and over again takes its toll. Committing to something fully with no guarantee of success is scary. It's kind of crazy and a little stupid, but it makes sense when the reason you are doing it is not tied to a specific destination. The destination can be a motivator or a catalyst, but the allure of that external trophy washes away when things get really tough. But when you are fully engaged in what you are doing, putting the work in day to day, and continuing to grow and evolve, success is inevitable. Big caveat: it might not be the specific success you are aiming for. But there is no way you don't keep progressing forward when you keep putting yourself out there. NBA Hall of Fame coach Gregg Popovich famously said his goal in life was to coach at the NCAA Division III level. I would say he outperformed his goals. And yet, if he never exceeded that level, would he still be happy and fulfilled? I'm betting yes. It doesn't take much courage to send the book. Courage is required when you don't hear anything back and you send the next book. Courage is writing the damn book in the first place, even if no one is asking for it. Courage is leaving a safe job and betting on yourself, even when you have no idea how you are going to make ends meet for your family of 5. Sending the book is the easy part. What is your book you are hesitant to send? If you are attached to the outcome, you might not do it. But if you surrender and commit to the work and let go of the results, who knows what might happen? And confidence— don't get me started on confidence. Was I confident sending my book out that— was I confident sending my book out that something big was going to happen? No, but I had the courage to take action anyway. Trust me, there are far better books than mine, but I'm the guy who sent the book. Chapter 10 reflection questions. Number 1: When was the last time you talked your way out of taking a purposeful risk? What idea, project, or step are you contemplating taking right now? What is holding you back? If you let go of your attachment to the result, what is the worst thing that could happen? That concludes chapter 10. I'll see you soon for chapter 11.