Episode 94: I'm Glad You Asked with Tracie Jae

Yeah, I'd like to remind you to look outside. Take what you need. Take what you need. And hello everyone, welcome to episode 94 of the weekly Yes And podcast. I'm your host Travis Thomas, and this is probably the last, at least the last interview of 2018. Really excited today to talk to Tracy J. She is the creator of the game I Am Glad You Asked, and she and I have a really fun conversation as she tells us about the creation of the game I Am Glad You Asked, the inspiration, where it came from, and how different people are using it as not only as conversation starters, but as a way to create connection in groups and some really creative things that are happening with that.

So excited.

I'm excited to talk to Tracy and share that interview with all of you guys. The website, before I forget, for Tracy for you to check out her cards, which you're going to want to get some for your own, it is Gamesthatchange.com. Gamesthatchange.com. Again, her name is Tracy J. But before we get to that interview, just a reminder to everyone that starting January 8th in the new year, so of course we've got 2018. It's a new year. Everyone's making those resolutions, but most of us know that we are not going to stay true to most of the resolutions that we make. Let's just be honest, that's what's going to happen unless you have a plan. Unless you have a clear plan that's detailed, you have some motivation, you have some accountability. And that's exactly why I created Get Unstuck in 10 Days. And so my next Get Unstuck in 10 Days is happening starting January 8th, and then it'll be 10 days. And it's $30. And so for those of you listening to the podcast, you can get a $5 discount if you sign up using the promo code YES. And so again, that's 10 Days to Get Unstuck starting on January 8th. And again, just a great way to start the year. Grab a couple of friends and you guys can, you know, you'll be able to connect with each other in the Facebook private community that we have. You'll get one-on-one access to me, a different activity, a different video every day. And you'll be thriving in one aspect of your life by signing up for this program, or a great, you know, sort of little add-on stocking stuffer for someone this holiday season. There you go, shameless plug right at you. For those of you in Jupiter, make sure you come out Saturday, December 30th to check out Jesse and I of the Jove Comedy. We are doing our last show of 2017. This is your last laugh. This is your resolution laugh, and it'll be Saturday night, December 30th at 7 PM. At the Performing Arts Academy of Jupiter, where we usually perform. So it's, uh, it's New Year's Eve Eve. For those of you who have New Year's Eve plans, this doesn't get in the way. And for those of you who don't like to go out on New Year's, guess what? This fits you as well. Uh, so again, December 30th, uh, you can get tickets. Uh, go to actually franklacari.com. Frank is hosting our ticket sales. So there you have it. Let's get into our interview now with Tracy J. Tracy's in Houston, and I got connected with her, um, A few months ago through friends who were attending a conference down in Houston. They saw her speak. They called me from the conference and said, hey Travis, just met this really cool woman. I think she would be great for your podcast. So I called her. I agreed. We had a fun conversation, set up this interview that happened just a few days ago and I thought it's a great one to share here. I think you guys might be interested in these cards. She sent me a deck of these cards and I've been using them in some of my sessions as well. as great conversation starters and connectors. So please welcome all the way from Houston, Texas, Tracy J. Hey Tracy, how you doing today?

I'm great, Travis. Thanks for having me.

Well Tracy, great to have you on, and I always love how I get connected with different people. And I had some dear friends of mine attend a conference that you were at, and they said, Travis, you need to interview her. So you and I spoke offline and decided to get on a podcast and talk about what you're up to. Now, you have developed a game called I'm Glad You Asked. So Tracy, tell us about this.

So I'm Glad You Asked is the game that gets us talking. It's a deck of cards, basically 50 questions, um, that you wouldn't normally ask one another, um, and they are designed to jumpstart a conversation.

Okay, and so how did this come about, Tracy?

Um, so people ask me that question all the time, and there is no short answer.

Give me the long answer.

There's not even like a, like a real answer. You know how sometimes people are creating things and they've been pondering over them for years, and, you know, and, and it takes them a lot of time? This wasn't that. I, um, literally had been, um, working with people asking themselves better questions. And thought, what would happen if we could just talk to each other again? Because we spend so much time on technology and not really looking each other in the face. And, and I wondered what I could offer to the world that would instigate conversations. And I didn't want to write a book. And so one day the idea just came to me, hey, create a game. People like games, you like games. And really, that's how quickly it was.

So what is your background, Tracy, where you were working with people and saw the value of just asking healthy questions?

So I spent about 3 years billing myself as the world's only introspection guide.

Okay, tell us about that.

So I started this workshop about 4 years ago called Would I Marry Me, which is basically a way of asking ourselves big life questions before We ask or answer the big life question of, would you marry me? Right?

Yeah.

Um, we go into these long-term relationships, oftentimes marriage, um, without any real ideas about who we are as people. And then we spend the rest of our lives living into somebody else's idea of who we should be. And then relationships fail because we don't really know ourselves very well. So I spent, like I said, about 3 years working with people, helping themselves— helping them ask themselves questions to deepen their relationship with themselves. And as it turns out, oftentimes people aren't really ready for that. They would much rather, um, focus externally rather than internally. Um, and so I'm glad you asked. It's sort of a, a bridge between asking yourself great questions and asking other people great questions. It's just about questions.

All right.

We don't ever have answers if we never ask questions.

All right, Tracy, we are peeling this onion back because you are talking about Doing some deep and meaningful work. I love the idea of this workshop called Would I Marry Me? So what inspired you to get into that?

If I'm really honest, a failing marriage.

Okay.

I was married some many years ago and that didn't work out. And then I got married again And I thought that I was married to the right person for the right reasons. And we constantly kept hitting this wall where we weren't able to talk to each other. And it wasn't really not being able to talk to each other. It was about not knowing what to say or how to say it. Um, and also not being really clear about what we wanted from each other.

Hmm.

And so together we talked about creating this workshop for couples called, um, Before You Even Ask, because sometimes people wait until they're already engaged to seek out premarital counseling. By then you've already invested all your energy and money and time, and families are involved, and And you don't want to back out, right? So what if, what if you like, like did this whole premarital thing before you even ask about being married? Like if you investigated each other before you said, I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, right? And part of that exploration also has to be exploring who you are. And knowing what you bring, what you value, what pushes your buttons, how you operate. Um, and so although he and I never collectively got our couples thing off the ground, I figured at a minimum I could offer that part to the world, which was, hey, talk to yourself. Check in with yourself and See if you would even want to spend the rest of your life with you before you—

Yeah.

Before you offer to spend the rest of your life with somebody else.

But Tracy, you're talking about a pretty evolved level of self-awareness and self-reflection that you obviously went through in these situations. And so I'm just really curious with you individually, like, where did that come from for you? Because I think there's I know plenty of people that would just rather prefer blame it on the other person instead of taking some accountability for themselves. So what is it about you and your upbringing that said, hey, wait a second, I think I need to evaluate my own role in this? Where did that come from for you?

Well, I don't know whose quote it is, but the quote is, no matter where you go, there you are. And so, um, so being in this second marriage that was falling apart, um, I realized that the common denominator there was me.

That's humbling, right?

Right. And, um, and that although it certainly wasn't all my fault, right, but there was certainly something that I was doing that was contributing to the Demise of this relationship. And so, um, I really wanted to save it. So I thought maybe if I could figure out what it was I was doing, then I could fix whatever that thing was and it would get better. So it came from a really selfish place of wanting to save my marriage.

Okay. And so do you have, you know, do you have a background of, of counseling? Do you have a background in any capacity that felt like prepared you for this? Or did you just feel like— did you just kind of launch into it inspired?

I don't have a professional background in it. I don't have a degree in anything that looks like this. I just have a lot of life and a lot of learnings. My dad was smart enough to tell me I didn't have to keep making the same mistakes. And so I trusted him in that. So I figured, you know, if, if, if I have made these mistakes, there are other people who are making them. And perhaps I can use what I've learned about myself to save some other people from themselves.

No, that's very, very cool. And I do apologize. I feel like I forgot to turn off all my notifications on my phone and computer. Everyone is— everyone's blowing me up all of a sudden. I think it's the universe's way of people going like, wait a second. I think I need to hear this. I think I need to hear what she's saying. So they're all sort of conspiring at the same time.

That worked.

So through your own self-discovery, Tracy, it led to just I guess the power and the value of listening and asking good questions and then you taking it a step further to wanting to develop something that others can use as a tool As an icebreaker, as a way to create deep connections. Tell me, tell me what it's been like so far. And so I'm actually holding a deck of cards called I'm Glad You Asked. And so to date, Tracy, how have you used these cards? And tell me a little bit about that impact.

So I'm really excited. So we started selling cards at the beginning of August. And it is now the middle of December. I know on podcasts you can hear this indefinitely, so just to give you some time markers, so far we've sold about 315 decks of cards with very little marketing investment, mostly Social media and word of mouth. And that feels amazing. What's even better than that, though, is the stories that I hear from people about how they've played with their families or with their friends. They've taken them on road trips. They've played in classrooms with students. Played with sick relatives that they visited in the hospital. And the thing that always happens when people play is that they laugh, and I love that.

And so what I love about this, Tracy, there's been a recurring theme that I have had, I would say probably over the last few months, and I'm not going to say it is coincidental with our current political situation, but I will say that there seems to There needs to be a reckoning from people that are valuing good listening, that are valuing the quality of empathy, that are recognizing the need for people to connect with one another, to hear one another, to understand the other person's perspective. And it sounds like what you're doing with these cards, with this game, is allowing people to kind of connect with each other in a deeper way.

Is—

would you say that's accurate?

I would say that's accurate. I have had husbands and wives who have played, who have been married for 20-plus years, who are learning new things about each other. And that's fun, you know?

Absolutely.

I play with my daughters, who are adult people now, 20, 22, and 24 as we speak, and have learned things about them. And I guess in return, they've learned things about me. Yeah, it's been great.

All right, so what have you learned about yourself, Tracy, as you have taken on this endeavor to take an idea, to sort of release it to the world? What have you learned about yourself in this process of coming up with this idea?

Well, I have learned that I am passionate about people and their stories. I've also learned that I really can do anything that I really want to do. There's been a lot of things I didn't really want to do. And so I had to just be honest about that too, right?

Yeah.

I just, I quit a lot of things that I really didn't want to do. Um, but I'm doing something I really want to do right now.

Yeah.

And that is a super sweet place to be.

And what, what is, describe, describe that sense of fulfillment, uh, this gives you.

So I get to do work that means something to me and that means something to the world. And, um, and I get to, like, uh, empower other people to come from behind the shadows of their own lives and to interact with people that they see every day and to interact with strangers.

Yeah. What has been the most sort of powerful story that you have either experienced through the cards or you've received as feedback?

Oh, well, I don't know how powerful this one is, but it was fun to watch. So I went to— I was at Starbucks and there was a couple there who were clearly on a date. I couldn't tell if it was like a first date or You know, but it was clearly a date and it didn't really look like it was going that well. So I offered them the cards as a test and then to watch their—

Wait a second.

Conversation shift.

Yeah, hold on. So you were eavesdropping on a couple's conversation at Starbucks? Am I getting that correctly?

I was totally eavesdropping.

I love it. I love it. So you're noticing basically the awkward It was totally awkward.

And so I offered them the card.

So by the way, hold on, hold on, hold on. So they're, they're in the middle of awkward date, and then some stranger comes by and goes, excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that this is a painful date that you're on. I've got something that might— how did, how did that interaction go?

So, so we were at one of those shared tables Okay. So I was sitting close to them anyway, and, um, so I just leaned over and I said, um, are you guys on a date? And the, the gentleman said, kind of. I said, okay, well, you don't know me, I get that. My name is Tracy. I just created this product. It's a game that creates conversations. Would you try it out? And they said yes. And so, so then they started to play, and then halfway through they're laughing, and then he leans over to me and says, thank you. So like the, the whole dynamic of their day changed.

Wait, that— there, there's your, there's your marketing campaign right there, Tracy. There, there's your commercial. I mean, come on, you just shot your commercial. You just shot the commercial of the awkward couple on the first date. Cut to the parents trying to talk to their children and it's brutal. I've got 3 of them. We know how it is, right?

Yes.

Cut to the, you know, the business gathering, the cocktail party that's— you've got your commercial filmed. You've lived your commercial. I love it. That is an awesome story of you eavesdropping and then interrupting someone's date Yeah, yeah, I've put on my cape to save the day. And there you go, you come in in your I'm glad you asked cape to save the day. Absolutely, absolutely.

I love it.

You've got it, it's done. All right, Tracy, before, um, we're gonna, we're gonna play the game. I've got the cards, we're gonna play the game. So we're gonna play the game with you, but before we even get to that, tell people So that they don't have to wait till the end of the podcast, where do they go to find you, find the game? How can they get it?

The company website is gamesthatchange.com.

gamesthatchange.com, okay.

gamesthatchange.com.

What about social media?

On social media, Facebook, I'm glad you asked, on Twitter and Instagram, It's glad the letter U passed.

Excellent, excellent, fantastic. All right, and so for those of you who are listening, I'm not sure when this podcast is posting, but whenever it is, I guarantee you have a social function that is coming up. These cards are going to save any awkwardness, and we're going to put the proof in the pudding. Tracy, I've got some— I'm going to pick some random cards here. Let's see how you do.

Okay, I have my own deck too. I'm gonna pull too.

Oh, you— okay, all right, here we go. Uh, oh, I like this one. Can you moonwalk?

I cannot. Probably I could in the, uh, in the '80s, but my moonwalk skills are diminished.

I hear you, I hear you. Yes, we, we had it. We had a contest with my kids a few years ago. Uh, I will say that I crushed them, but My crushing them was still really bad, so I can't say yes to the moonwalk.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay. All right, I got it. Okay, here's one for you.

Yes.

Finish this: Too often I—

Wow, that's it? Too often I limit myself. How about that, huh?

How about it? How about it? You went deep on me, Travis.

Hey, I only know one way to go, Tracy. I only know— All right, let me throw it back at you. Too often I— you fill in the blank.

Too often I leave my shoes in the living room floor.

Oh wow, that would be—

I probably have 3 or 4 pair of shoes in the living room floor right now as opposed to taking them to my room.

That would get you on the naughty list in my house with my wife, Tracy. All right. Oh wow, okay, let's, let's test your skills here. Can you quote a Indiana Jones.

Oh, Indiana Jones. Um, I think there's something like— you mean there's snakes?

Oh, that's good. Well done, well done. That's a good one. I think—

can you—

can I quote Indiana Jones? I've watched them recently with the kids. Indiana Jones. All I can think of is the kid from Indiana Jones going, Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones! But I can't think of—

Yes!

Wait, what was his name? His name was Short. Wasn't it Short something? Short— I can't remember. He was also the kid from Goonies. Funny kid. Funny kid. All right. All right, here we go. Next question. This is good. This is fun.

Well, before we go to that next question, let me just tell you about that Indiana Jones card.

Yes.

So that card is a tribute to my dad.

Okay.

Because when I was growing up— and my dad's still alive and we still hang out sometimes— but when I was growing up, we saw all the Indiana Jones movies together.

Okay.

So, so that's, that's why that card's there.

I like it. And I have to imagine the, the, the nature of this game is that, uh, that type of, that type of context, uh, is what comes up as you're, as you're answering these questions.

Yes.

Yes, very cool. All right, here we go. Next question for Tracy. Wow, so many good ones. So many good ones. I like it. There's some cards called This or That.

And This or That, microwave Oh, um, so, so right now, I hate to even say this, but it's microwave.

Yeah.

Because when my daughters were growing up, I cooked almost every day, and I'm just tired of cooking. So if I can buy something that somebody else has already cooked and/or throw something in the microwave, that's pretty much how I eat right now.

Okay, fair enough. Got a lot going on. Yeah, well, talk to me. Tell me about your daughters and, uh, um, with you creating this game, have you guys had some, uh, some fun conversations as a result?

We have, but they mostly play with other people as opposed to playing with me. I think they would— they would much rather play with other people.

Fair enough, fair enough. And Tracy, while I've got you, while I've got you on the line here, tell me, tell me about Houston. How is Houston doing post, post hurricane, post flood? You know, congratulations on the Astros. But you know, right, for someone living in the community, you know, obviously the story tends to go away after it. It's no longer sensational, but for someone who's living there, give us kind of the status of Houston as of right now.

Yeah, so we are rebuilding and recovering. There are a lot of families for whom this year Christmas is going to look very different, or the holidays in general— Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, whatever people celebrate. It's going to look very different. And so I'm very proud of my city because we respond with compassion and with love. And so, so there are ongoing efforts to make sure that we can keep people's spirits up and their, their holidays as special as possible, even under Yeah, yeah.

And for you, for you personally, you know, what's it been like for you to live through that and then to sort of be in the recovery process?

I was one of the very fortunate people in Houston who did not get any personal water damage. But I have a lot of friends and people in my immediate circle who were impacted by the water. So, you know, immediately after the storm, for me, it was mostly, where can I help? Who can I show up and do something for? And so, that's pretty much still where my efforts are and where my energy is, is Who still needs what, and what do I have that I can give?

Yeah, absolutely. And Tracy, as far as the card game, where is the most sort of unique setting or audience that has used the cards? Have you, you know, is there an interesting group, or have you thought of even some groups that you think would really would really benefit from these cards?

So my very first bulk order came from the YWCA in Houston to put in their senior centers, which I thought was really cool.

Yes, very cool.

Yeah, so there are— they have, I think, 12 senior centers in Houston. And they bought decks of cards for 10. 2 of their centers don't have English-speaking population, and the cards are translated into Spanish, but they're not yet available in Spanish. So they put them in the centers where they could be used. And so that has been, I think, really probably the highlight if I have to pick. Right. My hope is that at some point this game will be available in hospitals all over the country so that when people are visiting their families who are in the hospital, they can have a healthy distraction.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, there's, there's so many situations, you know, whether it's hospitals where you want to— you just don't know what to say. And everyone's sitting there. Obviously, I went through a couple of weeks of waiting in a waiting room hospital this summer, and everyone's there, and everyone's there to support one another, but you're really not sure what to talk about.

Right.

And I can see these decks of cards being in waiting rooms. And then again, yeah, like you talked about, having them in coffee shops. and having them in classrooms. And like you started off the conversation, a lot of us with our iPhones and smartphones, we've forgotten how to have face-to-face conversations.

Yeah. The other thing that happens is that oftentimes we sit down with people that we know, let's say our coworkers, and then all we're talking about is work.

Yeah.

Who wants to do that when we're not working?

Right.

Like, we're at lunch. Why are we talking about work?

Right. And then it's like, it's, it's— you pull out the deck of cards, you're like, well, I, I'm not the one who came up with this random question. It's the card game. And, and then— Exactly.

You can blame it on Tracy.

You can blame it on Tracy. Yes, that needs to be in the deck somewhere. You know what, just blame it. Blame it on Tracy. All right, Tracy, well, we're almost out of time. Tracy, let me, uh, let me go to the deck one more time.

Okay.

The card says, finish this: I'm best at blank.

Oh, I'm best at listening.

Oh, that's a, that's a good best to have. I like that.

Yeah, it is a, it is a honed skill, but I'm best at listening.

I love it. I love it. And so Tracy, again, the game is called I'm Glad You Asked. And again, for everyone who are still listening, which is everybody, what's the best way to find the game?

The best way to find the game is on our website, which is gamesthatchange.com. And if you are on social media, then we are on Facebook at I'm Glad You Asked and on Twitter and Instagram at Glad the Letter U Asked.

Tracy J, thanks so much for taking the time to be on the weekly Yes Am podcast. And can't wait for others to get their hands on these cards and continue to deepen conversations all over the world. So I wish you nothing but the best of luck, Tracy.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.