Episode 99: Wipe That Smile Off Your Face!

So the other day I was on my way to picking my son up from soccer practice, and the soccer facility is in a rural part of Florida. And as I was turning down the main road to pick him up, I pulled behind a truck. And as I'm behind the truck, the truck slowed down. And this is a 2-lane road with, you know, really a lot of woods on both sides, kind of even like a little ditch on both sides. And so I paused for a second and then started to pull up beside him. And then he kind of stuck his hand out, not in a waving me past motion, but just kind of stuck his hand out. And so I paused there for a second. And so my thought was, there must be an animal or something that he's waiting to go across the road. I don't want to pull past him, scare an animal, or even injure an animal. So I'm waiting and I don't see anything. Now I've waited there for like 20 seconds, and now I'm kind of blocking the other direction, and now there's cars who are piling up behind us. And so I put it in park and I get out of my car. As soon as I stand up, he turns around and looks at me and he's like, Will you just pass me already? And he's just really upset. Will you just pass me already? And I've got this big grin on my face like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm really confused. Kind of like what I'm chuckling right now. And I said, I thought you wanted me to stop. And he says, will you just wipe that smile off your face and pass me? You're causing a traffic jam. Will you just wipe that smile off your face? Welcome to episode 99 of the weekly Yes! And podcast. I'm your host, Travis Thomas, and this is also an Inspired to Give podcast today as well, surprisingly enough, on the topic of kindness. If you haven't checked it— checked out Inspired to Give yet, it's inspiredtogive.org. And the purpose of Inspired to Give is to highlight individuals organizations, and to be a response to all of the events happening in the world and how we are responding from an inspired standpoint, whether that's prayer, whether that's meditation, whatever inspiration is inspiring you to action or to giving. That's what the website is all about. Last month, we were talking about prayer and action together as praction, right? They're not separate. You don't sit in a room and do one, and then action is something different. You bring that inspiration and that action together. And it's working simultaneously with one another in that spirit of praction. But today we're going to kind of continue to talk about some different ideas and how we move forward with— how we move forward, that's important. Making progress, that's important. But how do we do it maintaining a sense of compassion and kindness that is not separate from strength and courage? So, last month we were combining prayer and action. This month we're combining sort of courage and kindness with action and progress. And so, not seeing the two of them as being different. And so, make sure you check out inspiredtogive.org for all of the great content that we are continuing to put up there. Did I just say put? Put up there as well. So, a couple of things on this idea, and I'll get back to wipe that smile off your face in a moment. But recently, I was over in Tampa, and it kind of sounds like a joke. Did you hear the one about the Navy SEAL, the minister, and the performance coach go into a bar? Actually, we didn't go into a bar, but I had breakfast with a Navy SEAL friend of mine, and I hadn't spoken with him for a while. And we don't know each other super well, especially politically. We don't know each other really well. I'm sure we made assumptions about one another, but we both really like each other. And I'm sitting down, I was like, all right, with everything that's going on right now, what's your take on it? Whether it's the whole— the shootings and gun control. I mean, this is a guy who was a Navy SEAL, right? I want to know what you think about all of this. And without getting into sort of his opinion, which, A, I was surprised. He does not have a gun in his house. But politics and everything aside, as he and I were having this conversation, it kind of went all over the map. And he says, you know, I'm a conservative— he goes, I'm a conservative guy. And he goes, I bet you're, you're pretty liberal. I was like, yeah, I'm actually very liberal. We kind of chuckled. And what ended up happening was this really, really respectful conversation about why we feel the way that we feel, and his background and my background, and how in lots of ways we had similar backgrounds. But so my reasons sort of for being more liberal and his reason for being a little bit more conservative are actually because we both had similar motivations for why we do what we do. We just come at it from a different perspective and feeling like the best outcomes are going to come from different approaches. But we both walked away from that breakfast not only, A, wanting to do more work with one another, but B, feeling like, you know what, I totally respect your opinion and perspective. And that is the way that moving forward, right, as we demand change and progress, are we able to do it from a mindset and an approach that is respectful and compassionate of those that we are butting up against? Not in a weak way, but in a way that respects the humanity of everybody. And as March sort of being a theme of kindness with Inspired to Give, there's a lot going on in March. There's the marches that are happening on the 24th, and March is National Women's History Month. And so there's all this, and obviously we have everything with the MeToo movement and The stand-up movement, and there's all of this change and activism and progress that is being demanded. And so, are we able to continue to do that with compassion, kindness, and respect, even though we're willing to stand on the front line? That takes the courage and the strength to do that. On my trip to Tampa, you know, again, and all of this comes back to— all this comes back to the power of relationships. A few weeks ago, just days after the horrific shooting down in Florida, I had already been scheduled to be the, the speaker for Creative Mornings Palm Beach. And if you guys don't know much about the Creative Mornings organization, there is one in a town near you. Check it out. But I was the speaker for Creative Mornings Palm Beach. That video, actually the video of that event, will be made available on my website, but I've also posted it on my social media at Livia Sand. My website is liviasand.com, social media @liviasand. You can find that video of my talk. The topic was on curiosity, but it was more a response to being a few days removed from the shooting and thinking about how do we come together as a community in a way that harnesses the creativity, the compassion, the power, That all of us have when we come together, together as a community and we collaborate. And so that was kind of the overarching message of how do we come together in a way that nurtures collaboration. And the way that you do that is by how you show up and the relationships that you are creating with those people around you. The relationships you have with the people closest to you in your life and the relationships you have with the people you work with. thus creating the relationships that you have in your organizations and your community at large? Are you showing up in a way that is fostering healthy, respectful, safe relationships, or are you showing up in a way that is divisive and is constantly creating conflict in your relationships, in your organizations, in the way that you show up? While I was in Tampa, actually the main reason I was over there, because I was working with a Major League Baseball team with the player development staff for a baseball team, which I was honored to do. But the focus of my talk with— these are coaches and player development specialists who are working with the players. Their goal is to help these guys become as good as they can become. But the focus of my talk was communication and collaboration. How are we showing up with our communication and in a way where it doesn't feel like it is a— A battle? A me versus you scenario. It is a we scenario. And so how do we break down some of these barriers that get in the way of us collaborating at a very high level? And so we've got to be able to create a safe environment that fosters vulnerability, that is okay for people to be unsure, insecure, a little fearful, where we can get those out in a safe way so that we can address them and therefore increase our performance. So again, Again, this idea of empathy, this idea of compassion, are we creating working relationships in our personal life and in our work life that is really allowing people to step up and perform at the highest level they can? And all the research out there shows— great book, Daniel Coyle, Culture Code— that the best-performing teams, companies, and relationships have a high level of psychological safety. I've talked a lot about psychological safety in the past. Psychological safety means people feel safe, they feel valued, they feel respected. And when you feel that, you feel safe. And when you feel safe, you show up authentically. And when people show up authentically, you get their best. And when people show up with their best, you have environments that foster creativity and collaboration. You have environments where people can thrive. So we need to build that safety. So I was so excited to talk to one of the top sports organizations in the world about how to build and how to nurture those relationships. I then left that meeting and went and had lunch with a minister friend of mine who I've gotten to know, a Unity Church minister. And what do we talk about? We talked about how he is trying to create an authentic church spiritual experience in his community that resonates with the needs of the community. So, again, we're talking about how we show up, that compassion, that empathy, because what is he trying to create? He's trying to create a church in a community that nurtures and fosters and encourages healing and support and collaboration, by collaboration in the sense of community. So I just had this wonderful day talking to a Navy SEAL, talking to a professional organization, baseball organization, and then a minister. But the, the heart, the soil of everything that we were talking about was how do we create a new normal when it comes to relationships, organizations, community, and how we are showing up. And, uh, it's just been exciting. It's been exciting to see Sort of the wave of change that is being pushed right now. And what I love about that analogy of the wave is that the reason the wave is able to exist is because of the power that is happening underneath the surface. And when you look at— to use sort of the river analogy, if we were to look at our country, maybe our world right now, and describe it as a river, it would be a river. That is really churned up. There seems to be a lot of ick and a lot of mud and a lot of churning going on. And the surface, it's going to look really kind of gross and nasty. But the reality of that is we can look at that and be afraid. We can be discouraged, which with everything going on, we can absolutely feel that way. But we can also look at all of this churning As proof of all of this churning means that we're bringing all of this stuff to the surface so that it can be handled. Because the reality is it has been there all of the time and it's just now being exposed by the churning. All of the, the lashing out, the frustration, when you look at all the problems that we have and whether it's the shootings, whether it's the opioid crisis, whether it's What's happening internationally, all of this is the result of a way of living, of what our focus is on, what our intention is on, and how we are doing things. Then it manifests itself in these ugly ways. That churning is going on, which is forcing us individually to not only look at how are we living, what are we focusing on, What is our ultimate goal? But we have to ask that bigger question for us as a community and a culture as well. Those are the big questions that we need to continue to ask because of the churning that's going on. My son had a soccer game actually down in Parkland this past Sunday, and we drove by the school, the high school, and it's very emotional. There's almost a constant vigil going on at the school. There's little mini sort of memorials set up all over town. We were playing at the soccer facility, and one of the girls who was killed was a soccer player. And so they've got a little sort of memorial set up for her there at the soccer fields. So it's this very, you know, cathartic, emotional thing as you drive around. And the thing that I think I was stunned by most driving around the community Was just the sense that, that sort of life was going on, quote-unquote, sort of like, you know, back to business as usual. And I mean that in a very superficial way. And I just kept thinking to myself, I was like, I was expecting the entire town just to be shut down. And I mean shut down from a standpoint of, you know what, let's just stop. Let's stop everything that we're doing and let's just come together. and just be a community. And what does that mean? And what does that look like? And I get it. Everyone has to get back to living. You know, businesses need to be open. You know, it's like, you know, life needs to go on. But I just— it's an event like this feels like this is reason and permission for all of us to stop and just be and just to have Questions and discussions about what are we doing? What is the world and the community that we are ultimately wanting to create? And I just— my heart was just going out to the sense of we don't need to get back to business as usual, to life as usual. This is challenging us to question the lives that we are living. and to create a new, better normal where events like this just don't happen. And we're seeing that happen on a very activist level right now, whether it's gun control or— but obviously, even beyond that, we need to start asking the bigger questions of why. What is going on in our society? What is going on in our country? What is going on in our world as far as what we put our priority and our focus and our intention on? that leads to this sort of high-pressure, you know, just such a divide between people feeling unseen, unvalued, and uncared for. And so, I just feel like there's big questions that we need to be living into, but we need to have the platform in order for us to do that. And I was able to have coffee the other day with a woman. Her name is Bree. She's a She's a music therapist in Palm Beach, and she's got a great music therapist business. She's got music therapists all over the country, or all over the state. And she went down to Parkland after the shooting for a couple of days and was just playing live music in this museum, and people from the community were coming and going. Kids would come down and listen to her music, and they had some art therapy set up, and a girls' soccer team came in, and they were making— Oh, that's great. signs for the victims. And it was just this really, really tender environment. And it just had me thinking, like, that needs to be our normal, right? Those kinds of spaces, those kinds of environments where, you know, and I know they had therapy dogs waiting for the kids when they returned back to school. And I'm like, you know, we need to create that environment where people do not feel marginalized, where people don't feel— alone, where you can walk into somewhere and talk to somebody, where you feel safe enough to open up about your vulnerabilities and your insecurities and the pain that you're feeling, and you can open up about it in a safe way where there's resources and people that are there and ready to listen to you. And not a total tangent, but Kevin Love of the Cleveland Cavaliers This week just came out and wrote a piece for the Players Tribune about he had a panic attack back in November, and he's like, "This panic attack was the worst thing I've ever experienced." And he's realizing that he was raised in a way to shove down his pain and his insecurities in a way that it finally came out in a panic attack. And so there are millions of kids that feel that way, that feel that pressure, that feel that pain. There's millions of adults that feel that pressure and pain, but are we operating in a way that the resources are there and that the— and that we're showing up in a way that allows people to share their pain in a way where it's going to be received and it's safe? And it all comes back to how are we showing up? What environments are we creating where people feel safe to be vulnerable and to be Authentic. And so that said, that is the new normal. I think that all of the change in society is yearning for. And as I saw myself standing on the side of the road, because it bothered me, it bothered me for a couple of hours after this guy who doesn't know me, who is yelling at me, he's upset with me over a miscommunication, right? I was actually being respectful. He thought— I don't know what he thought, but his response to me was, wipe that smile off your face. It just hit me to my core, like, why are you speaking to me this way? I'm a kind, good person. Why are you speaking to me this way? There is not an aggressive bone in my body right now. So wipe that smile off your face. And no, I won't. I won't wipe that smile off my face. Because this is who I am. And I had to get to the point where empathically I was just thinking about what pain might he be in in that moment or in his life, big or small, that sort of came out in that moment. And it wasn't about me. It wasn't about the situation. Something that he was feeling. And so I sent him some love, empathically thinking about, huh, what must be going on in his life for him to respond in that way? And so instead of wanting to get aggressive in response or wanting to send anger or hate towards this guy, it's just like, no, my response in my heart, even if I never see the guy again, is love and it's compassion. And as much as it bothers me, I'm not going to wipe that smile off my face. It's who I am. It's my yes. It's my excellent self, your excellent self. I'm always going to have a smile on my face. And there you have it, everyone. That's the Wayne Gretzky episode, episode 99 of the weekly Yes and podcast. Check out inspiredtogive.org. Check out liveyesand.com. And let's see what we can all do here in March for National Women's History Month and for all of the the marches that are happening, and let's get involved and let's do it with kindness. Have a wonderful Yes And Day, everyone. Love you, Juju. Love you too.