What A Great Marriage Actually Looks Like (Nobody Teaches This)

Nobody taught you what a great marriage actually looks like, did they? You've built the impressive career, you've got the house, maybe, maybe you don't, maybe you got the business and the building and the investments. Is that enough? The thing is, people see that, but they don't actually see what's going on in your home life where you're probably not acting like you do at work, and that's not fair, is it? Not fair on you, your children, or on your beautiful wife or husband. Now, somewhere in the middle of building all that, you absolutely lost yourself., and I'm here to address that part today. So hang in there if you are someone who feels like you're lost or alone. You're not. It's just you're not living the life you should be living in the way you should be living. Nobody talks about this thing. When you go missing, your marriage actually goes missing as well. So I'm talking to all the married men and women here. Tune in because I have a lot to tell you. Now, your marriage doesn't go away in a bang. It's not like, "Oh, poof, it's done." It actually goes away gradually, not with a big fight. You might be having micro arguments, or maybe there's that dead silence. And that silence is the worst, when you don't communicate at all with your partner. You don't want to get to that stage. And maybe some of you listening are at that stage. You need to start initiating conversation. You need to start dating again. That's exactly what you need to to do and you're avoiding it because you're afraid of rejection. Maybe your partner and you, maybe you are just absolutely not liking what you look like, what you feel like, and maybe you've got some pains in the past that you're not letting go of. You need to do a lot of work on yourselves. Now today I want to show you something different because two people can love each other, they can run a business together, and then they can wonder why something still feels off. I want to show you what a great marriage actually is and what it looks like for high achievers just like you. Because you're not used to failing. And for some reason, and I know the reason, your marriage is not where it should be or it can be, or where maybe you promised your wife it would be, or maybe where you promised your husband it would be, or maybe who you were back then. Look, we all change. We're allowed to change. We have to evolve. But is it for the better? Have you digressed instead of evolved? This is a conscious thing you need to realize, and this is where it can hit home for a lot of you. Because you might think you're absolutely right and have done nothing wrong. It takes two people in a relationship to make it hit its demise. Now, none of you are at that point, are you? And even if you are, you can come back. You just have to have the one goal. You have to want it to work, both you and your husband or wife. Now, most people have never seen a good relationship modeled, and that's part of the problem. You might think, oh, my parents bickered, or, oh, my parents never slept in the same bed, or my my dad used to go to bed before my mum, or my mum was always away, or my dad was always away on trips. You think that has a big role? It does. That has shaped what you think is a good relationship. So anything a little bit better than that, you think, oh, it's okay. It's not. Do you want to optimize your relationship? Do you want to be the best version of you who you can be? Because you can't build something you've never actually seen, or can you? This is why you've got to be around people who are doing the thing that you want. Now, I want you to slow down, breathe a bit. I see you, and I'm gonna stare at you, okay? I see you. I was you, and I work on my relationship every day, and the first relationship is me working on myself. And this great hair is not cheap. This beautiful body is not cheap. I need you to value yourself because I've invested in myself, and not just talking materialistic things. Its experiences. It is my mind. Being in masterminds myself, having mentors who help me get out of my own way, just like I help many others and many other couples. Your life is ahead of you. Stop sabotaging yourself. Seriously, you're worth it. And if you need to hear from someone, I'm gonna tell you you're worth it. I hadn't realized I was worth it for a long time. I lost my self-worth. I hated myself. I I hated what I saw in the mirror. Who are you really? Start showing that. I want you to start reconnecting with who you can be and maybe a part of you that you were, 'cause you're not gonna be exactly the same, that's unrealistic. You'll be a better version actually, I can tell you that. I'm a way better version, way more fun version, way happier version, way more healthy and fit version, okay, right? Building on these muscles. It's not about just muscles, but muscle strength we know as we get older as men and women, we need it. We don't wanna get osteoporosis. I want a healthy, strong body. I want my muscles to hold my bones. I want my muscles to hold me into my older years. So you need to do weight training. You absolutely need to do weight training. You need to do cardio as well. Get that heart rate up. And depending on your age, we need to be in a certain heart rate to burn fat, to burn energy, and to really optimize our body. And there's a whole heap of things that I teach in the 100-Day Midlife Reset to women, and Peter teaches in his Recreation 100 days. Men or women, we've got you. We've got every part of you. You just have to begin somewhere, and the first place to begin is to believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, then nothing's going to shift. Start valuing who you are. Start telling yourself, "I'm worth spending. I am worth investing. I am worth it, and this life I get to create." You are your own architect. When I realized that, my whole life changed. It's always a work in progress. I'm always the architect. I'm always building something more and newer and better and bigger because I have a growth mindset. Do you have a growth mindset or have you settled? Stop settling. Okay? And I'm speaking sternly because you need to stop settling. Your life is the way it is because you've allowed it to be. No one else has been in control. You have. Here is what I see all the time with high achievers I work with. They're extraordinary at what they do, at their craft, at their skills, yet they don't actually pay attention to themselves. They're disciplined in some things, they're capable, they're driven, they achieve at work, but at home it's rubbish. And they can't even imagine a life different at home because they're just using all their energy and all their resources at work. And then they come home at the end of the day, or they close their laptop, or they still work from home while on the toilet, Or while at dinner, they've got their phone out checking emails and messages, 'cause work doesn't stop. Or they put their kids to bed with their phone in their hand, and then they feel nothing. They've disconnected. They just want to go and drink their night away, have a couple of glasses of beer or wine, and eat some junk food, and go to bed. Well, let me tell you, that is the most unhealthiest thing you can do. Not even talking about the acid in your body. Alcohol is a poison. Gone are those party days, people. Your party days are being fit and healthy and hanging around people who value the same things as you. Quit the partying and quit the drinking at night. Stop using it as an excuse. It's just dulling your emotions. It's a drug. It's an addiction. You think you're not addicted? You're frickin addicted. And those late dinners you go out, the boozy nights with your mates or your girlfriends, if you're around people who think differently, they don't do those things. They don't eat past 8 PM. They go and do other things past 8 PM. Or they'll organize a daily activity where you're actually physically doing something or engaging without alcohol. So if you do anything today, cut those stupid things out of your life. I have, absolutely have, and it has changed my life, and I'm here to change yours as well. Now you might love your partner, and you may think you're showing it, but you're actually not showing it to them. Are you sure that you love your partner? Because you can't love someone or show that love if you don't love yourself. Right now, you're probably sitting there going, "Oh my gosh, I have all these roles." I have no more roles, guys. No more roles. The only roles I have are these roles, and I don't eat rolls. And if I eat rolls, they're gluten-free rolls, right? When did your partner last feel seen? I need you to ask that question of yourself. And maybe when did you last feel seen? Because maybe you're living in an invisible relationship. You're doing everything, not getting thank yous, not being recognized, not being celebrated. Heck, you don't even know how to celebrate yourself. Why should others celebrate you? Because you've got those standards. You need to elevate your standards, people. Elevate your standards. I'm talking to you like I do to everyone. I'm on your side. I promise I'm on your side, but I'm also your toughest accountability partner. Now you're probably living like roommates, okay? This is a picture I'm painting. You might not even be roommates 'cause you're just living under one roof but not in the same bed. Guys, get back in the same bed. Ladies and gents, sleep next to your partner. I don't care how much they snore, that's an excuse. Go sort that stuff out at the specialist. There's reasons why people snore. Usually it's obstructive sleep apnea due to your upper airways, or being overweight, right, adds to it, or you might have lazy function of some of your airways. Go and get it checked out and go do what you need. Because we all know if we don't have any oxygen in our body, our brain doesn't get oxygen at night and you're stopping breathing at night, snoring's not normal, okay? Then you're grinding the crap out of your teeth and it's all a disaster. Start taking care of yourself. Go and see the clinicians you need to see and the specialists you need to see. Now, you're sharing a life, you're sharing a mortgage, maybe you're sharing a business as well, but are you really sharing each other on an emotional level? Or are you emotionally distant? Oh dudes, I'm talking to you. You're often really emotionally unavailable for the women who need to speak with you. Now you might have things on your family calendar and that's all that's connecting you, and maybe you're actually living separate lives. What the heck are you doing? Start paying attention to each other. Spend time with each other. Go on dates. Could even be just a lunch date. And stop declining offers and stop declining going out with your husband or wife just because you feel yuck or you feel overweight or not pretty enough. You are, they love you to bits. Because there's only so many times someone's gonna ask you a question or invite you somewhere, and so many nos lead to no more invitations. This is why you're distant. But it's not too late. You haven't reached the end of the road, and even if you think you have, there's so many things you can do. The cruel irony is that the more successful someone is at their work, at their business, at their career, The worst things are at home usually because they're paying all their attention there and leaving nothing behind for home. Success demands more of you. I need you to start believing that success can happen at home and in your career, business, or work. You're not gonna get more time. We all have 24 hours in a day. It's how you spend that time. So start shifting more time to the things that matter to you and your family and start focusing on repairing what you need to repair. Because right now your marriage is getting the leftovers and then you're wondering why it's not working. You're wondering why you're not happy and why your partner's always nagging. They're not nagging, they're just letting you know, hey, I'm not happy, things need to change. But a lot of the time you both have no frickin' idea what needs to change. This is where Full Life Mastery comes in. You need to join our program. This is the program for couples. We're here to elevate your life and your relationship. Are you worth it? You tell me. Okay? DM Mentor or applyformentorship.com. Go to applyformentorship.com and you will jump on a call with us. 15-minute call, no strings attached. We wanna find out about you and see if you're ready, 'cause not everyone's ready for help, right? The first step's the hardest, reaching out for help. Once you do that, the rest is easy for you. I can tell you, 'cause I know you're ready to put in the work. If that sounds familiar to you, leaving the leftovers for everyone at home, for the people you love, and giving your best to work where you're getting all these accolades, I want you to stay with me here because I'm about to share something that changed everything for me and everything for so many couples that we work with. Here's the truth that nobody told high performers. No one talks about it, no one tells you, because maybe you're the high performer in your family and you've got no one else to look up to. You've invested thousands of dollars in doing excellent things at your work and your business for your career learning skills. You've done some courses, you've maybe hired coaches and read books and attended events. You've treated your professional development like a serious pursuit. However, in your marriage, you've done a big fat zero. In Greek, we say big fat koloura, a zero. A koloura is like a circle. It's also a type of biscuit. You might have eaten it. At Easter time. So you've been winging it, and I say that with full love because you haven't realized you actually have to invest time and money and energy into your marriage, and it's not just giving your wife gifts, okay? Peter and I had ignored it for years too. We were just so busy surviving. Get out of that survival mode because marriage does not work itself out. Though a truly great marriage for high achievers is not something that happens to you. You need to work at it. It's something you build on. It's intentionality. With the same strategy and commitment that you put into your work— I'm not lying here, this is it— and into everything else that matters in your life, here's what it actually looks like. Because I think most people's picture of a perfect life and a great marriage is that Hollywood fantasy. And look at all the Hollywood actors, they're all divorced many times over, and lots of them are even single. Both are wrong. Okay, let me paint the real picture for you. A great marriage for high achievers looks like this. You actually wanna be where you are. You want to be with that person. They don't annoy the crap out of you. You look forward to doing things with them. Holidays are not just band-aid holidays where you pretend to be a happy family cuz the other extended family's around. You absolutely adore each other. You find each other sexy. You are turned on by each other and like You are each other's— you absolutely love each other so much. Look, love's not enough, you need to show it. So you show each other affection, you're even affectionate in front of your children, you have to be. How are you going to model that for your kids? If they see two cold parents who bicker all the time, they're going to think, oh, that's healthy, or you're going to give them scars for the rest of their life. What do you want? Because you can have it all, you've just got to put the energy and effort in. And I'm sure you're going to disagree as a team at some point, but you need to be team players, especially in front of your children. You need to agree, and then in private you can go, hey, how about we consider this? You're there to lift each other up, to hold each other up to higher standards, to the highest standard. That's what Peter and I do. You will always be growing, always be rising. That is my goal for you. But conversation has to happen first. You need to feel comfortable fighting around your partner, and you need to feel comfortable— yeah, I did say fighting— comfortable also chatting with your partner about anything. Don't ever be scared to say, hey, I wanna invest in a program, or hey, this is what I know will help us and we're gonna make it happen. Trust yourself, trust your partner. If there's no trust, then what are you doing together? And I get it, some of you may be hurt and may be hurting, but maybe your partner has no idea you're hurting 'cause you haven't talked about it, so you sweep things under the rug. No more sweeping things under that rug. You gotta lift that rug. That rug's flown away. It's time to face the music in a really nice way. Come on, you're smart people here. I'm not saying blow your life up. I'm saying start talking, start resolving things, start telling each other how you feel, not how you say someone makes you feel. They don't make you feel anything. You feel your feelings. No one makes you feel anything. Now, this is your legacy I'm talking about. Your children watch everything. You have every opportunity to shift things around. And I don't care what business you've built, I don't care what life you've built, I care about your relationship right now because you might be suffering or your partner might be suffering, your husband or wife, and you're not realizing. And that silence is deadly. Silence sucks. Silence is awkward, like being in the car not talking or talking about your social activities for the next weekend. That's not talking. Logistics, that sucks. That's not a relationship. This feels heavy now, I know. You've got to deal with some stuff. Go and deal with them. And just know the support's here. Peter and I are here to support you. So please reach out to us. Find out how we can do that for you. Life is ahead. We want you to have that full life. This is what full life is all about. It's time to master your full life. And that full life is available to you. I absolutely know that. You have to believe it. And it's time to chase it. Peter and I built our way back several times. You're gonna get life hitting you, you're gonna get problems. The question is, how much do you want to live that full life? What's that decision you need to make? 'Cause Peter and I made a decision. We decided we will never ever give up on each other. We will always lift each other up. And yes, you're allowed to make mistakes, but don't make 'em more than once. And then we built the skills we needed and these are the skills we share with you. They're lived skills. They're skills that you don't find in books. It's the life experience. You may have no one around you to show you what it's really like to have a healthy relationship. Well, let Peter and I be the guides for you, the mentors. We can't wait to meet you. Okay, ready for the big secret now? This is the part most high achievers completely miss, and they don't believe they've missed it when I tell them. The path to a great marriage for high achievers does not start with your marriage. You guessed it, you know where it starts. It absolutely starts with you, with the work you do on yourself, with your mind, with what you put into your body, both nutrition-wise, what you listen to, what you watch, what all your senses gain. You cannot truly be intimate with someone if you don't love yourself, right? Am I right? You cannot give your marriage what it needs when you've been giving everything to everyone else. Okay, I'm right again, aren't I? You cannot show up as a full partner, fully supportive, if you're running on empty. True, right? Now the version of you that your marriage needs is a version you haven't met yet. It's that clear, energized, present, alive version. And you're probably thinking, oh my gosh, that is so farfetched, I can't even get there. You absolutely can. You just need to reclaim that that is what you want and then put in the work. It's gonna require work, absolutely. But you're not averse to hard work. You've been doing it your whole life, you just have to channel it into your relationship now. And do the right work for the generations to come, to show them what a healthy life is and what a healthy relationship is. Doing it for your partner, even if they can't see it just yet, because this is the most important work that you will ever do in your life. I really don't know what holds people back. I really don't. It's the excuses. Actually, I do. It's the lack of self-belief. You think you're gonna fail in your world, what will everyone think, or what will my husband or wife think. You can tell how passionate I am about this. Because you're not just doing this for yourself, you're doing it for your kids. They'll come on board, just takes time. You have to be patient. You've got to work on yourself. You can never change anyone, but if they want to change, they will. Same thing goes for you. How much do you want this? How much do you want a healthy relationship? And what's that marriage you actually want to be living? Because you can get that right now. If you've watched this entire video, then something inside you has absolutely said, hey, I agree with some of this. Maybe you're realizing that what I'm describing is part of your reality, and maybe you're realizing, hey, I can actually fix this. It's not the end of the world, and I can fix this. It's possible. It sure is. Maybe you want it but don't know how to get there, or you didn't realize that that was missing and that's the thing you've been looking for, but you found the way now. I work with high achievers who are absolutely ready to to change their life and go to that next level. And that next level is up to you. You have to put in the work. Now, the next level in your marriage is waiting for you. Are you willing and ready to put in the work that needs to be done? Because I need you to put that same intention into this like you put into everything else, like projects, work, your business, starting a new thing, whatever that is. There's no doubt you're a high achiever, and that's why you're kind of ignoring you're failing at this. Because you haven't put work into it. I want you to message the word vision or DM the vision or comment below with vision because I see a great future for you and I need you to see it too. We're just going to jump on a 15-minute call with the team and you're going to see what's possible for you. Links are below. If this resonated with you, please follow, comment, like, and share and reach out to us if you haven't. Also share it with someone you think needs to hear this too because so many people are suffering in silence. There is a way. Life Mastery is the way. First step is let's jump in a conversation and see if it's right for you. You know, the world needs more marriages. Let us help you build yours.