In this monologue, relationship coach and practice owner Vicky Samios discusses why many marriages, especially those involving high‑performing professional women, are ending. She argues that modern society no longer tolerates staying in an unhappy partnership and that personal happiness should be the primary guide. Samios lists common failure points: infidelity, poor communication, third‑party interference (parents, friends), using children to patch a broken marriage, and various forms of abuse (verbal, mental, physical). She highlights how abusers exploit legal loopholes and stresses the need for competent legal help. The speaker also examines relational resentment, describing it as “paper cuts” that accumulate and bleed if left untreated, and stresses the importance of addressing grievances promptly. Gender dynamics are explored, noting that many husbands are complacent or fail to leverage their professional skills to support their wives, leading to frustration. Samios urges couples to lower ego, engage in daily intentional work, seek mentors, and prioritize self‑care. While she does not advocate divorce as a first resort, she affirms it is necessary when abuse is present. The overall message is to empower individuals—especially women—to pursue happiness, communicate effectively, and take proactive steps to either heal or exit unhealthy relationships.
Chapters
So many marriages are failing, and there are some key things that are causing this. You know what, society is very different now. People don't put up with crap, but people don't know how to communicate as well. And we've got options, like no one is forced to stay in a relationship that doesn't make them happy. People have realized over and over again that their happiness is paramount, and sometimes it means that it is not with that significant other. Now, one of my deal breakers, and I have said it to Peter since the first day we dated I said, if you ever cheat on me, like, this is it. This is the end of our marriage. I will forgive you, but I don't want to live with you. You know, you've betrayed my trust. And some of you may be thinking otherwise, right? That's my point of view. Living a fake life is like, you may as well just go and chase your happiness, live that life that you want to live with the people that you want around you. And I always say marriage is a lottery. It is something that you're either going to get right the first time or you're not. And some people are really lucky, they get it the second and third time, and I commend those who do. You know what, Find your happiness. That's the biggest thing. Find your happiness. A lot of marriages fail because they let other people in the middle. Parents get involved, okay? Other third parties get involved. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Communication, communication issues. There is no communication between the couple. Then people try to mend things by having more children. Why would you do that? Kids do not fix a broken marriage. Poor children, you know? And you've got abuse, like, it's closer to home than you think. There are some couples that are in abusive relationships, verbally, mentally, physically, or all three. It's really sad. And I can tell you, the, the system does not protect the victims. There's always a way around, and, and these perpetrators know their way around. You need to have a really good lawyer. It saddens me, it deeply does. And I don't want anyone to ever feel trapped. Don't ever feel trapped in a relationship. That is the worst thing you can do for yourself. We have one life, you're going to live it. You're going to live your life as you want it, with the people that really enrich your life. There's a sad reality: people may be living under the same roof, sleeping in different beds, and then they'll give me excuses like, "Oh, they snore, so I don't sleep in the bed with them." If you love someone, you're gonna go and help them figure out why they snore. Like, men need pushing. Men need so much pushing and nagging, and that's always seen as nags, but we are the ones to hold our partners accountable and hold them to higher levels, to higher quality of life, you know, to higher standards. Resentment is a huge thing that splits people apart because you hold on to grudges, you hold on to pain, you don't actually resolve things at the time, and it's like many paper cuts. One of my mentors talks about the many paper cuts. How many paper cuts can you have before you bleed to death? Don't let those paper cuts happen in the first place. Heal them one by one as they happen. There will be misunderstandings in relationships. I was speaking to one of my clients the other day, and they had a big argument with their husband who had said some things about the last 10 years, 10+ years, and I thought to myself, how do I best serve this person? Look, I've talked about the D word, divorce, with Peter. There was a time a recent time where we just didn't see eye to eye. I have big dreams, I'm a strategizer, I want to know that you've got my back, 'cause I've got your back, you know? And a lot of men are very complacent, especially with high-performing professional women. And I can tell you as a practice owner and as a coach, I speak to lots of these women and their husbands either enable a failing business or they support them in a way that's really strange. They want them to be at their work, they're not busy, they've got skills skills that can actually help the business of their wife, yet they're not prepared to even work in the business and use these skills for their own empire. I just don't understand it. And a lot of these husbands of these dentists, for example, are accountants or in finance or in property or in sales. Don't you think your skills are transferable? Don't you think that actually spending more time with your partner, your wife, your husband, will actually build your relationship stronger? But a lot of these people can't even stand being with each other at home, let alone in a business. It's like their worst nightmare. Well, why are you staying married to someone like that? If you hate someone, don't be with them. You have choices. You have options. You can start from ground zero and build your way up. I'm not saying leave your husbands or wives. What I am saying is have conversations, pull out the cobwebs, clear the cobwebs, and come up with solutions. Go get mentors. Go get people that support you and help you and who want your best. I don't want anyone to divorce. There are certain grounds though that I will encourage it. Okay? If someone's being abused, out ASAP. I will fight for you. You need to fight for yourself. When you see couples, there's a sadness with some couples. You see the distance. Like, Peter and I work on our relationship every single day. Right now, I don't know if you can hear in the background, he's with the kids in this pool. They're at the other end of the pool, and they are having an awesome time. Now, yes, I'm working, but I just feel like I have this message for you. Stay in a relationship you're willing to work on. That's my biggest advice I can give you. It takes work every single day. There will be misunderstandings. Ego will get in the way. And especially for the men, lower that ego, lower your voice, speak like humans, like you respect each other, and start working things out. Start figuring out what your dreams are. Start figuring out what you want for you and your family. Look at your values. Have you forgotten yourself? Start taking care of yourself and each other. Give each other time to heal, time to be healthy and happy. As they say, time heals all wounds.
