Building a Team That ACTUALLY Works Together

Welcome to Solutions Saturdays, where sneakers meet strategy and your leadership gets a reset from the inside out. This week we explored what it means to be unbothered on Mindful Monday and how to let go without losing leadership on Worthy Wednesday with the Whatever technique. In this episode, I will walk you through how to use the anchor practice in real time. Three questions that led to me changing my leadership style, and a bonus Q and A where I will answer questions leaders are too afraid to ask out loud. So stay with me. You don't want to miss this. And now it's time to talk about what professional leaders learn. Often too late. So let's get into it. There are moments in leadership where your title walks in the room before you do and everyone is just waiting to see will you live up to it or will you fold under it? This was one of those moments for me. First day, new leadership role, and I was handed a mandate for change. No allies, no roadmap, no structure. Just pressure and lots of eyes. And when I say lots of eyes, they were all on me. Because outside my door, a team of seasoned professionals, people who have been doing things their way for decades and now here I come, tasked with changing it all. They were like, who does she think she is? And let me be real. I wasn't greeted with curiosity. I was met with crossed arms, quiet resistance, and a whole lot of we'll see. Inside, I was walking a tightrope. On one side, performance metrics and fast results, and on the other, a team that didn't know me and they didn't trust me.

Yet.

Below me, I had nothing but uncertainty. I didn't know how it would all play out, and I had no idea if I would exceed or if I was just the next leader that this team would outlast and the old me would have tried to prove herself over functioning, over controlling, and really tried to manage her way into being respected. But I had just started practicing the anger. So I paused. I grounded hand on heart, breath steadily, and I asked myself, is this mine to carry? The uncertainty? Yes. The outcome? No. Other people's judgment? Definitely not. We are not going to be able to change or control the narrative in someone's mind. This is when I leaned into the whatever technique, whatever. Not as a dismissal, as a declaration that whatever happens, I will stay true to how I lead, whatever opinions fly, whatever assumptions they make. I am not here to perform or control. I am here to embody presence. When they expected me to show up flustered, I showed up focused. When they expected me to push, I took A beat and paused when the moment got tense. I said what no one expected a new leader to say. What do you all think? That cracked something open. Not because it was polished, but because it was real. I showed up unbothered. Not because I wasn't invested, but because I was aligned. I didn't need to pretend to have all the answers. I needed to create space for trust to grow over time. It did. Weeks later, someone pulled me to the side, which reaffirmed this. They told me, you know, I trusted you because you kept it 100% real. You didn't fake calm. You were calm. You didn't fake clarity. You were honest about what you didn't know. And that made me feel like we were gonna be okay because we knew you would tell us like it is. That is the part that leaders often learn too late. When everything around you feels uncertain, your anchored presence to who you are is the most stabilizing force in the room. Not your plan, not your title, not your performance. Just you being real, being steady and being unbothered by what you have no control over. Canned, unwavering in what you stand for and connected to who you are. That's right. This is what makes the whatever not a brush off, but a boundary. That's what earns trust. That's what transforms leadership from pressure into presence, into connection.

Okay, Dr. Kara, our connected leaders have been dropping questions all week. Ready to dig in?

Yes, absolutely. Let's break it down. I am ready to dig in.

All right, first question coming in, and it's one a lot of us need to hear. How do I know the difference between letting go with wisdom versus avoiding a hard conversation?

That is a powerful question and what every conscious leader should ask. Avoidance often whispers, I hope this just disappears. While wisdom says, I see this clearly and choose peace with purpose. Here's your check in. Are you choosing stillness or silence? Stillness is grounded. Silence is fear based. When we're avoiding, our nervous system stays aligned. But when we release with clarity, our body softens, letting go wisely, requiring you to pause, anchor, and ask yourself, is this mine to carry, or is this something I'm clinging to out of fear or discomfort? Because letting go with wisdom, that is intentional avoiding responsibility, well, that's reactive. And if you're using whatever to dodge the hard truth or escape accountability, that is not discernment. That's bypassing. But if you're saying whatever because you have done the inner scan and checked in with your values and know that this is not yours to carry, well, that that is connected leadership at work, and it transforms your presence.

Okay, next question, and this one is legit. What if my team interprets whatever as disengagement or indifference? How do I explain this mindset shift?

Wow. This is another really great question. I want to say that transparency, this is your ally here. When you model the whatever strategy, narrate your intentionality. I'm choosing not to engage here because it doesn't serve our larger purpose. That's not disconnection. It's discernment. Leaders with high emotional intelligence, they create culture through clarity. You show them that unbothered doesn't mean you're uninterested. It means your peace is rooted in purpose. They will feel that difference. Leadership isn't about reacting to the noise. It's about responding to what's aligned. You can always call in what is happening to the room. And I think that's so important because with transparency, you can say, I'm not choosing to spend energy here. It is outside of our mission focus. And that shows clarity, not carelessness.

Okay, now this is a good one. I know a few folks have felt this and just didn't know how to ask it out loud. What if I thought I let something go, but it keeps resurfacing, Emotionally or mentally?

You know, what if it keeps coming up? That is feedback. It is really, really important feedback. If it's resurfacing, your body or your mind may be signaling that something still needs attention. It's asking for deeper attention, not shame. So use something that I call the text message analogy. Imagine your feelings and your body responses as text messages. You know, when you get a message on your phone, you pay attention to it. You may not respond right away, but you pay attention. These feelings, these body experiences, somatic responses, they are indicators that you need to explore and examine. Now, you also can infuse the receive, perceive, and respond process, because this is where you allow space when you receive it to take in what is happening. Create that room so you really can feel and see as you receive it. You can examine your assumptions. Do you have biases? Are you missing something? What could be happening outside of what is in front of you? Then you can uncover what may be happening underneath that surface. This is where you can get to your response. You can proceed with intention and not reaction because you took those first two steps and you didn't ignore what your body was telling you, what your feelings were showing you re emergence. It's not regression. It is an invitation. Emotions don't often follow logic. They follow stored patterns. Go back to your Anchor, practice and journal reflect. What need didn't get met here or what boundary has not been honored. That's really important because the boundary is for you, no one else. What am I needing to do to protect my peace, to stay anchored and to be a connected leader. And letting go, it isn't a one time act. It is a muscle that we build. Sometimes it doesn't feel good. Think about it. When you're in the gym and you have that trainer, you have a muscle that you're trying to build up. And if you do a certain exercise, it's not going to give you the tone or the appearance that you're looking for. You have to continue to do the exercise to build the muscle and then that muscle comes and you have that muscle memory. It takes time in healing. It doesn't always show up as silence. Sometimes it shows up as curiosity. It's important that we try to take whatever we're experiencing and get real curious.

Now we're cooking and I'm so glad this viewer asked because this is a conversation we need to have. How can I teach my team or peers to adopt the whatever strategy without sounding dismissive or passive aggressive?

What you want to do is you want to start embodying it before you explain. Because calm, that is contagious. You can say things to let people know. I have learned to protect my focus so that I can lead with clarity. And this is why I am choosing not to chase this distraction. It reframes whatever boundary that honors the mission and honors your leadership style. Use team reflections to unpack what alignment means. When people understand your calm, they won't start questioning your silence. They will start trusting your presence. You can model it with humility. Let them see you anchor it in action. Before I respond, I want to do a quick check in with myself. You know, something's kind of coming up for me and I'm just being honest with where I'm sitting. So I want to make sure I'm receiving this as it's intended. You're not teaching a method. You are embodying the mindset, the audio and the visual. Well, those things have to align.

Here it comes. Dr. Cara, this last question isn't just a mic drop. It's the kind that shifts how people lead. You ready? What do I do when the leadership culture in my organization rewards reactivity and hyper availability?

This is a really good question because I have experienced it. The urgency trap. It's real and it is toxic. Your calm, it can be revolutionary in that space. Be sure to document your lens and lead from your lane. Don't show. Just say that clarity and containment create better outcomes and protect your boundaries like they are your leadership capital because, well, they are. When others run to put out fires, you'll be the one redesigning the floor plan. Calm. It's not weak. It is disruptive innovation. You get to choose how you show up again. Receive, perceive and respond is very critical in these times. Well, this week's solution, or should I say solution? Practice anchored leadership. I want you to anchor before that meeting. I want you to anchor when you are celebrated. Yes. And anchor when you feel the sting of judgment. Let this week be your point of pivot. You're not here to hustle for your worth. You are here to embody it. Remember, your claim isn't performance. It is practice. And remember your value and stand 10 toes down in your worth. Because when we don't know our value and we don't stand in our worth, we connect to the wrong things. External validation, opinions, titles, roles, and sometimes even material things. And this right here, it doesn't serve us and it doesn't align with a connected leadership practice. You got this. You can do it. If this landed with you, please like the video and share with a fellow leader. Drop in the comments. What are you saying? Whatever to this week. If you haven't done so yet, do me a favor and subscribe on our next Saturday solutions. I will still be kicking it real.

Sa.