Elevator Ride: The Unexpected Leadership Lesson

Have you ever noticed how incredibly awkward elevators can be? You step into this tiny metal box with complete strangers, and suddenly everyone becomes fascinated by their shoes, the floor numbers, or that one scratch on the wall they've apparently never seen before. For months, I rode the elevator to the top floors of the building I worked in, watching the same social experiment play out every. Every single day. People shuffling in, finding their corners, creating this invisible force field of Please don't talk to me. And then I decided to break these rules. What happened next didn't just change my elevator rides. It became a daily experiment for navigating awkward situations and using my skill to connect, to find common ground with people. Sometimes the most profound insights come from the most ordinary moments. I'm Dr. Kara, and if you've been following this who is Dr. Kara? Series, you know my journey from control, obsessively leader to connected leader. In episode one, we talked about the crying Tyler on the plane who taught me that connection trumps control. On Worthy Wednesday, we explored how I stopped hustling for worthiness and learned to trust my inherent value. Today, I want to share the moment that I realized everything I'd been naturally doing my whole life. Connecting with people wasn't just a nice personality trait. It was actually the essence of what leadership should be. Foreign. A routine elevator ride that became my daily laboratory for expanding my understanding of human behavior. Picture this. I'm starting a new leadership position, and my office is at the top floor of this massive building. Every morning, every lunch break, every evening, I'm riding in this elevator with dozens of different people. And let me tell you, each time I got on the elevator, it was like watching the same awkward movie every single day. People will shuffle in immediately, find their spot, and suddenly become experts at avoiding all human contact. You know the drill. Eyes on the floor, numbers, sudden fascination with their phone. That universal elevator stance where everyone faces forward in some weird corporate formation. But here's what caught my attention. As someone who spent 25 years studying human behavior, these weren't unfriendly people. They weren't mean or antisocial. They were just following the unwritten elevator rules. So I started wondering what would happen if someone would just didn't follow the rules. What if instead of waiting for permission to connect, someone just connected? And that next morning, I decided to find out. Here's where all my years as a psychotherapist kicked in. I spent decades of learning how to build rapport with all different kinds of people. Whether it was a resistant teenager, an anxious parent, an executive leader, or Someone who was in crisis. I developed the ability to find common ground and create connection. So when I stepped into that elevator, instead of joining the great floor number staring contest, I decided to apply those same skills. I said, good morning. How's everyone doing today? You should have seen the faces. It was like I just announced I'm from Mars. This moment of panic. Wait, are we allowed to talk in here? Then something beautiful happened. One person smiled. Another mentioned the weather. By the time we reached the 10th floor, we had an actual conversation happening. I decided to make this my daily experience in navigating awkward situations, not in an invasive way. My years as a psychotherapist had taught me how to read the room, feel the temperature, assess when someone was open to connection, and when they needed space. I started intentionally using my skills of finding common ground in this tiny, awkward space. Here's what I started noticing that changed everything. People weren't standoffish because they were unfriendly. They were standoffish because no one had given them permission to be in anything else the majority of the time. And I'm talking about 90% of the time, when I extended genuine warmth, people responded. They lit up. They became more human. And that's when it hit me. If this is happening in a 30 second elevator ride, what is happening in our workplaces, in our teams, in our families? How many people are standing in invisible elevators all day long waiting for someone to give them permission to be genuine, to connect, to show up their full selves? I realized there was a missing piece in how I had been thinking about leadership. I had already understood human behavior from my years as a psychotherapist, but I hadn't connected that understanding to leadership in this way. I'd been treating leadership like it was separate from everything I knew about meeting people where they are. But here's the thing. I had been compartmentalizing my skills in my clinical work. I naturally treated each person as unique, Understanding their story, respecting their journey, meeting them exactly where they were. But somehow, I thought leadership required a different approach. The epiphany came on a particularly crazy day. I've been dealing with difficult meetings, challenging decisions, and all the typical leadership stress. I stepped into that elevator feeling completely drained. And there was this woman who looked like she was having even a worse day than I was, if that was possible. Instead of retreating into my own stress, something in me just reached out. I said, rough day, huh? She looked up. Surprise. And then relief. She said, you have no idea. We ended up talking for those two minutes, and by the time the Door opened. Both of us were smiling. As I walked into my office, it hit me. This is what was missing from my leadership approach. I already knew how to understand human behavior, but I hadn't been applying my person centered approach to leadership. I began thinking about my most meaningful moments as a psychotherapist. The breakthrough moments came when I truly saw each person as unique. Met them where they were, understood their story and connected with what drove them. What if leadership worked the same way? What if instead of treating my team as a group to manage, I approached each person the way I approached my clients with genuine curiosity about their passions, their motivations, what made them feel seen and valued? That's when I realized leadership is more than learning completely new skills. It's about expanding my understanding of human behavior and applying my person centered approach to how I lead. Because every person I lead is unique with their own story, their own passion, and their own way of contributing. Some of you may be thinking, that's all and good, Dr. Kara, but I'm not naturally outgoing. I'm an introvert. I don't just talk to strangers in the elevator. Trust me, I get it. Here's the beautiful thing. This isn't about being extroverted or chatty. This is about recognizing that connection doesn't require personality changes. It requires intention. Think about your own life. When has someone's genuine attention changed your day? Maybe it was a cashier who actually looked at you and smiled. Or a co worker who asked how you were doing and waited for the real answer. A friend who texted you exactly at the right moment. Here's what might challenge you. We've been taught that professional means keeping distance. That leadership means treating everyone the same. What if the opposite is true? I want you to think about this. How well do you really know the people you lead? Not just their job functions, but who they are as people. What gets them excited? What are they passionate about outside of work? Because there's something powerful that happens when you truly know someone. But I'll come back to that. This elevator epiphany became the foundation of everything I now teach about connected leadership. Here's where I want to share something profound that most leaders miss. Recent research from Google's Project Aerosol and studies by Dr. Amy Edmondson at Harvard show psychological safety. When people feel seen, valued and safe. To be authentic is the number one predictor of team performance. When people feel truly connected to their leader, innovation increases, turnover decreases, and engagement soars. Here's what I'm passionate about. This is where the magic happens. When you really get to know someone. Their interests, their strengths, what drives them. You can connect them with opportunities that align with their passion. Maybe they mentioned months ago they love data analysis and now you have a project that's perfect for them. When you remember what matters to them and create that connection, they don't just perform, they feel truly seen. This is how I discovered that leadership is a journey, not a destination. I'm going to always continue to learn, read, practice and sharpen my skills. But what sets my approach apart is how I implement everything I learn through connection. Every person has their own story, their own motivations, their own way of contributing. My job isn't to treat everyone the same. It's to meet each person where they are and support them in accessing their own brilliance. That elevator became my daily reminder that leadership isn't about commanding from above, it's about connecting from within. Here's what I want you to walk away with. This is the most important thing that I can share about who I am and how I approach leadership. When you create space for people to show up authentically when you truly see them, when you know what drives them and connect their passions to their work, you're not just improving performance, you are transforming, transforming lives. You're creating environments where people don't just work, they thrive. Here's my challenge for you this week. I want you to find your own elevator moment. Maybe it's in an actual elevator, or maybe it's in a meeting at the grocery store or with your team. Practice creating space for someone to be human. Ask how are you? And wait for the real answer. More than that, remember what they tell you. See if you can connect their interests to opportunities. Later, drop a comment and tell me, what's your elevator? Where in your life could you break invisible rules and create space for genuine connection? More importantly, when someone shares what matters to them, how might you help them feel seen? Because here's what I want you to know about who I am. I'm someone who discovered that my passion for connecting with people isn't separate from leadership. It is leadership. Understanding human behavior, meeting people where they are and helping them feel truly seen isn't just a nice to have. It's the foundation of everything that works.