YouTube talk by Dr. Cara recounting a flight from Washington, D.C. to Ukraine where a toddler's meltdown and a mother's escalating attempts to control it prompt a leadership insight: the speaker had long believed control (techniques, systems, managing variables) produced desired outcomes, but observed that control made the situation worse and began reframing influence as rooted in connection rather than control.
Picture this. A flight from Washington, D.C. to Ukraine. I'm sitting in my seat, mentally preparing for an international consulting project when I hear it. That sound every traveler dreads. A toddler, maybe too young, absolutely melting down. And his mother. She's in full crisis mode. She's cycling through every technique in the parenting playbook. Toys didn't work. Snacks made it worse. Stern voice escalated the situation. The entire cabin was watching. You could feel the tension building. People were sighing, shifting in their seats, and giving those looks like, get them under control. Here's what caught my attention. As someone who spent years studying human behavior, the harder she tried to control the situation, the more out of control it became. Sound familiar? I watched this unfold for what felt like an eternity. And I'm thinking about my own leadership journey. Because sitting there, watching this mother's desperation, I recognized something. I'd been that mother. Not with a toddler, but with my teams, my organization, and my own career. The truth is, for years, I have been the leader who believed that if I could just find the right technique, implement the perfect system, and control every variable, then I could guarantee the outcome that I wanted.
