Dr. Cara walks through what happens when a manager gives you tough feedback about your leadership. She maps the voices in your head—perfectionist, people pleaser, defensive—to the thoughts and behaviors they trigger, and shows how each one derails you in a different way.
Picture this. When you're in a meeting, your boss says, I'm concerned about your leadership approach. I'm hearing feedback that your style is creating problems with team morale. Internal messages might activate your perfectionist. Your perfectionist. Oh, my goodness. I'm failing. I should have known this. How did I miss it? Your defensive response. That's not fair. They don't understand the pressure I'm under. You're a people pleaser. They're so disappointed in me, I've let them down. You're a vulnerable core. See? I'm not good enough. I knew I wasn't cut out for this. If you're not checking messages, if you're just letting protective patterns drive you, you might get defensive, immediately collapse into self criticism over, apologize and accommodate, disassociate or shut down. I've done all of these. Sometimes in the same conversation. It's like a defensive pattern world tour.
