Dr. Cara argues that leaders exhaust themselves by over-apologizing and softening their messages to stay likable. When she stated a boundary without cushioning it, the room recalibrated and respected her more. Constantly diluting your clarity and playing the understanding person is self-abandonment.
So here's the sentence. The next time the pattern showed up, I said, I care about this team. This pattern needs to change. No apology, no cushioning, no overexplaining. I waited. That pause felt longer than it probably was because I could feel my body wanting to soften it, but I didn't. Nothing fell apart. The room recalibrated. Respect recalibrates rooms. Being liked, regulates them temporarily. If you consistently leave meetings feeling tight, if you replay conversations because you know you diluted your own clarity, if you're exhausted from being the understanding one, that's self-abandonment in a leadership costume.
