A short YouTube talk by Dr. Cara reflecting on leadership challenges. Using a personal anecdote, she describes repeatedly swinging between two extremes when giving feedback—technically accurate but emotionally brutal critique followed by over-softened, meaningless corrective—labeling this pattern the "Oscillation": a tension between excellence/standards and compassion/humanity that leaves both parties confused.
Can I just tell you? I've done both. Sometimes in the same meeting. I remember once, and this is a moment of radical honesty here I was leading a team project. My perfectionists came out full force. I gave feedback that was technically accurate but emotionally brutal. I watched this person's face just fall. My inner compassionate part activated with vengeance. Oh, my goodness. You just crushed them. You are a terrible leader. Quick, fix it. And I swung into the other extreme, backing off everything I'd said, softening it to the point where the feedback became meaningless. The person left that conversation confused. I left exhausted. Neither of us knew what had actually happened. This is the Oscillation. Excellence or humanity? Standards or compassion? Never both. Simultaneously.
