A short motivational talk by Dr. Cara arguing that a leader’s value is intrinsic and independent of external validation. She contrasts control-based leadership with connection-based influence and introduces the “pivot process” (Receive → Probe assumptions → Respond) as a three-step practice to shift from controlling others to leading with intentionality and love, citing Gallup research that leadership explains about 70% of variance in employee engagement.
Chapters
When I was younger, I could not stand avocados. Their appearance, texture, taste. Yuck. My dislike was so strong that my daughter was born with an avocado allergy. You wanna know what's bananas? People did not stop buying avocados because I didn't like them. The value did not drastically drop and their worth remained the same, independent of my taste. Fast forward to today. I absolutely love avocados. Can I get a side of guac please? They are one of my favorite foods. And you know what's even more bananas. People are not out buying avocados by the loads because I now love them, their value is not drastically increased and their worth remains again the same, independent of my opinion. Just as the value of an avocado is not based on what someone else thinks, neither is yours. Your value as a leader, your worth as a human being, is intrinsically based. Regardless of external factors. We don't truly know our value. When we don't stand 10 toes down in our worth, we tend to connect to the wrong things. External validation, titles, roles, opinions, even material things. As Brene Brown describes. We start hustling for worthiness. This chase rapidly diminishes our leadership effectiveness and transforms into what I call clinging to control, trying to prove our worth through perfection. Trust me, I know a lot about perfection because I once clung to the illusion that if I could create perfect processes and flawless structures, that I would show everyone that I was a great, valuable, extraordinary leader. As time progressed, I realized something deeper was at play. Gallup's research reveals that leadership extends far beyond systems and structures. Structures. As a matter of fact, it accounts for at least 70% of the variance in employee engagement. Yes, 70% of whether your team is engaged, motivated and performing at their best comes down to leadership. Not company policies, not external metrics, not even salary or benefit. Leadership. Through the challenges of my leadership journey, one powerful truth crystallized. Conquering control lies in what I call the pivot process. Say it with me, please. Pivot process. That's right. Conquering control enables leaders to rise above challenges. Instead of exhausting ourselves trying to control everything around us, we pivot our focus to what we can truly control. How we receive, perceive and respond. This takes three simple steps. Receive, create space to take it all in. Step two. Percy, this is where you want to examine your assumptions. Do I have a blind spot? Is there a bias? Am I missing something in my rear view or mirror? This is where you can determine what is truly happening underneath the surface. Step 3. Respond. Move forward with intention, not reaction. The space between challenge and response is where true love leadership emerges. When we choose to lead from connection rather than control, we not only transform our organizations, we transform our lives. What will you choose to receive, perceive and respond to differently tomorrow? It.
