22 Mar 2026 · 6 min
Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explains why couples become roommates: unspoken needs. She identifies five patterns that create distance, from waiting for partners to intuit what you need to prioritizing everyone else's needs over your own. Naming needs as neutral information, not demands, rebuilds connection.
We're leaving today and entering a world of Mickey Mouse waving, princess meeting and greeting, lightsaber clashing, the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror dropping, banshee flying, Space Mountain launching, galaxy rewinding— what the heck with galaxy rewinding?— fireworks igniting. World of other worlds. For whatever you love, infinite worlds await at the most magical place on Earth, Walt Disney World Resort.
This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread+, powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence, helping you reach your goals in less time. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton Cross Training Tread+ at onepeloton.com.
You've been there, settling in for an evening of TV only to waste half the night scrolling. Enter Fire TV, entertainment with zero effort required. Fire TV serves up personalized recommendations from across all your apps. Not sure what to watch? Just tell Alexa+ what you're in the mood for and she'll pull up the perfect recommendation. Problem solved. Stop the scroll, start the show. Find what you're looking for with Fire TV. Subscriptions may be required.
If you've ever found yourself thinking, we're not fighting, but we don't feel close, or how did we end up feeling more like roommates than lovers, I want you to know something important right away. This doesn't mean your relationship is broken. In fact, this is one of the most common dynamics I see in couples who deeply care about each other. What's usually happening isn't a lack of love, but instead it's a misunderstanding about what actually creates closeness. Most people assume the distance they feel in their relationship comes from conflict. Some say it's from arguing too much, or they question if it's them or their partner. Many end up saying something like, perhaps we're incompatible. But in my work as a couples therapist, that's rarely the real issue. What I see far more often is this: important things go unnamed for a long time. We minimize what feels off. We don't share what we need. We wait to be noticed, or we turn it inward and we say things to ourselves like, maybe I'm just too sensitive, or it's not worth bringing up. And slowly, without any big blowups, connection with your partner erodes. This is where I want to offer a reframe that changes everything. Needs, your needs are information. They're not demands, they're not criticisms, and they're not a sign that you're too much or too needy. They're information about what helps you feel safe, connected, and close with another person. And when that information goes unspoken, it doesn't just disappear. It shows up as resentment, as emotional distance, and that quiet feeling of being alone even while you're together. Let me name 5 patterns I consistently see that keeps couples stuck in roommate mode and the reasons why they don't express their needs. One, Waiting for your partner to understand your needs before they're allowed to matter. 2, assuming that if they really cared, they would just know. 3, telling yourself you're needy or a burden or you're too much. 4, sharing what you don't want but never naming what you actually want. And 5, prioritizing everyone else's needs while quietly abandoning your own. None of these make you selfish. They make you human in a culture that didn't teach us how to talk about closeness and connection. This is the part I really want you to hear today. The problem isn't that you have needs. The problem is that most of us were never taught how to identify them and how to express them without guilt, fear, or self-blame. So instead of building connection, we end up staying quiet, and over time, relationships end up feeling one-sided, flat, or transactional. And not because anyone failed, but because something essential stays unspoken. If you're feeling distant in your relationship, the answer usually isn't to try harder or to need less. It's actually learning how to listen to what feels off, to listen to what you need, and to treat that as information and not a problem. Because closeness, closeness isn't created by having fewer needs. It's created by understanding and expressing them together. Let me know in the comment section if you've ever been called too sensitive or too needy, or if that's something that you believe. Thanks for clicking play, and I'll see you next time. Don't forget to hit subscribe.
Too Good Co. coffee creamers are made with farm-fresh cream, real milk, and contain 3 grams of sugar per serving. That's 40% less than the 5 grams per serving in leading traditional coffee creamers, for a rich, delicious experience. Whether you enjoy your coffee hot, cold, Bold or frothy, Two Good Coffee Creamers make every sip a good one. Two Good Coffee Creamers, real goodness in every sip. Find them at your local Kroger in the creamer aisle.
Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.
Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistants' assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com/switch.
Upfront payment of $45 for 3-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com.
Rinse knows that greatness takes time, but so does laundry. So Rinse will take your laundry and hand-deliver it to your door expertly cleaned, and you can take the time pursuing your passions. Time once spent sorting and waiting, folding and queuing, now spent challenging and innovating and pushing your way to greatness. So pick up the Irish flute or those calligraphy pens or that daunting Beef Wellington recipe card and leave the laundry to us. Rinse. It's time to be great.
At Blinds.com, it's not just about window treatments. It's about you. Your style. Your space. Your way. Whether you DIY or want the pros to handle it all, you'll have the confidence of knowing it's done right. From free expert design help to our 100% satisfaction guarantee, everything we do is made to fit your life and your windows. Because at Blinds.com, the only thing we treat better than windows is you. Visit Blinds.com now for up to 45% off with minimum purchase plus a professional measure at no cost. Rules and restrictions apply.
