Menopause Is… Raw, Real & Redefining the Journey | Menopause Support Live

Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's menopause support live. I am Eliza Riley. I am a holistic health coach, and I'm here to help you feel like yourself again through all the hormone chaos and surprises of your peri to post menopause journey. Normally, we have Jen here with us, but she's not available tonight. So you guys are stuck with just me. Sorry about that, and I am going to talk about. Let me pull it up. I'm going to talk about if you if you guys are in the menopause support group, you probably saw the post. Oh gosh! Now I lost it. You probably saw the post that Jennifer made where she was asking. Well, she it's her post was genius. She just wrote menopause. Is. Hang on, and I gotta find it again. Some of your— here we go. 213 women have commented to say, to, to fill in the blank. Menopause is blank, right? And some, I swear, some of you, some of you guys, your responses are just— I don't want to say heartbreaking because I get it. We're here. We're, we're, we're all here because we're all, we're all Going through this together, and most of us are struggling. We're— this is not like it's an easy journey. It's not like it's been a walk in the park. That would be awesome, but it is not. And so, so I'm gonna read some of the responses that you guys shared. And whether you're here with me live or you are watching the replay, I would love to hear Which of these comments resonated with you? Which ones made you go, yep, that's me, that's how I feel. I would love to hear from you guys. So please feel free to share that. So, oh goodness, and I cannot— for some reason I can't seem to keep my Zoom open and look at Facebook. I don't know why that is happening to me tonight. I apologize. Give me one moment, and I will try and figure out what the heck is going on. I'll just put Zoom over there. Okay. Alright. So menopause is— Claire said, slowly killing me. Katie said, exhausting. Christine said, like I'm stuck inside a tornado, suffocating and slowly being tortured to death. I never know from one day to the next how miserable I'm gonna be. Carrie said, debilitating. Sherry said, terrible. Robin said, mentally draining. Marie said, hell, period. Jody said, scary. Julie said, not for the weak, and I've never felt so weak in my life. Melissa said, a sick joke. I agree with you on that one, Melissa. Dottie said, not fun. Anne said, scary, frustrating, not fun, a real thing that society invalidates, minimizes. Oh my goodness, Anne. Yes. That was That's— I mean, these are all big, but that's, that's a— that one really hits me. Why were we not told? It's an excellent question. Frustrating. Excuse me, my nose is itchy. Wreaking havoc in every part of my life. Oh, Erin, I feel for you. I get it. Life-changing. It absolutely is. I mean, that, that's Kind of the point though. It's supposed to be like, supposed to be a transition. It's supposed to be the change, right? Tracy says, cruel. I would rather just keep my menstrual every month. Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, the crazy thing is, speaking just for myself, I'm 51. I haven't missed the period yet. So I'm dealing with the perimenopausal challenges. And I haven't missed my period, so I don't even get the fun of being able to skip that, which I'm looking forward to every month. I'm like, fingers crossed, is this the month I'm gonna start skipping? We'll see. Hasn't happened yet. Molly says cougar puberty, which I've seen that already. I love it. I think it's so funny. I, I really think we need to change menopause to cougar puberty. Like, let's, let's just, let's just make— let's just all decide This is the new word for it. Tiffany says, complete hell. Yes. Affecting every area of my life and ruining it. It is a beast. And there are so many, like I said, 200 and something comments. I'm not going to go over all of them. But if you guys have a chance and you'd like to read some of these, some of them are quite funny. Some of them are heartbreaking. Some of them we can really relate to. There's lots of things being said here. So please, if you have some time to go in and take a look, you know, read, read over some of these things. I think that you'll get something out of it, and you can have an opportunity, if you haven't yet, to share your menopause is fill in the blank. So unfortunately, menopause is not— sorry, hang on, I'm just hearing from Jennifer. I think she's going to jump in and join us. Let me let her know. Yes, please join us. Okay. So unfortunately, menopause is not the quirky punchline that we often see in sitcoms. It's hell. It's exhausting, as so many of the women have said. It's terrifying. It's all of that and more. And You're not weak for saying so. I'm so proud of you for being able to tell your truth. Society loves to minimize this thing that we are all going through, to act like it's just hot flashes or just aging, when in reality it's a storm that can truly wreck All parts of our life. Like someone said, it's wrecking all parts of my life. It can. It wrecks your sleep. It wrecks your mood. It wrecks your relationships, and it wrecks your sense of self. No wonder so many of us describe it as torture, cruel, or a sick joke. But here's the other side that nobody hands us. Life changing doesn't always mean life ending. Right? Right? Like that's that's the thing. We are going through this major change, and there is still life on the other side. Your body can and will settle. It may not feel like it today, but it can. Energy can come back. I mean, and I'm not saying you have to wait down, you know, wait until, you know, 10 or 20 years down the road. Like, your energy can come back today. Your— the chaos of menopause is not permanent, even though it feels endless right now when we are in the middle of it and struggling. So if you're in the thick of it, know this: you're not crazy, you're not alone, and the storm doesn't get the final say. I'll give you one guess who does, and it's not me. Yeah, it's you. You get the final say. You get to decide how this is going to go for you. I'm gonna go ahead and let Jennifer in. One second. We'll give her a quick catch-up on What we're doing. Yay, there's Jennifer. So I have been— I, I, I just to catch you up real quick, I've been going over your Menopause Is. I read a bunch of the, of the comments because that was such an amazing— I totally gave you high praise. I was like, this is such an amazing prompt, like, that you just put that out there, just 2 simple words, and so many people really just wanted to share their truths. And then I, I kind of Went over just what was, you know, I went over why it's important for us to recognize that even though it is a struggle and it, even though it is something that we, that we are in the thick of right now, that we do have some power over what happens.

Absolutely.

That's where we're at. Welcome.

Thank you. Thank you. Sorry about the delay.

Yeah.

Technology is amazing until it just doesn't let you in. And then it's like, what am I doing? Yes. I was amazed at the number of Yeah. Differences in the responses, right? There's just, there are some people who really are going through it. There's just a lot of challenges and a lot of frustrations and all of the things. And I think to some degree, all of us have a certain level of that, but it's also kind of the whole, what's the word, the range of, you know, some people are seeing this as a kind of a new beginning and a new way to kind of start over in a way and that kind of thing. And I think all are true. all of that is true, right? And it's just our reality and our story and where we are. And I think sometimes we get— I, I get into conversations with people, and, um, and I hope I'm not repeating anything that you've already said, but sometimes it's just interesting because we get sort of defensive, like, no, menopause is horrible, and this is awful, and I hate it. And it's not that we need to negate somebody else's experience. It's trying to really understand and, and see it from both sides. And when you're in the thick of It being really horrible, it's hard to hear that it's a blessing. It's like, no, because I haven't slept for 3 years. Like, it is not a blessing, right? So it's that, it's that understanding and that coming together. And that's why I love conversations like this and the conversations we have every week, because it's just another opportunity to see it from a different view, right? We can, we can lovingly support each other and disagree, and it's okay.

It's okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, I loved, like you said, the, the differences in the responses. There was also such a thread of, of, of similarity. Like, there's this, this thread of like, this is not an easy thing. It's, you know, and I love that some of the women were, were kind of joking and like making light of it, and like, that's beautiful. But for the, for the majority, for the overwhelming majority, it was something negative.

Yeah. And I think, you know, it's, it's great that we're continuing to have more conversation. I, I think that For my, for my mom and my aunts and, you know, the, the kind of older generation, um, it, it wasn't a conversation. We didn't, we didn't talk about it. You know, hot flashes were as far as you went and you were just kind of laughed about it, like as though that's—

Yes.

And okay, you know, but I was, I was having a conversation with my husband this morning and I'm like, there is a rivet of water coming down my, going down my back. Like it just For no reason, no reason at all. It just was, right? And I was like, okay, well, I guess I'm changing my shirt.

Like, you know, start wearing pads not in your pants but all over your body.

Just soak up the water. I'm like, where does it even come from? There's so much of it sometimes.

So like, like everything else is dehydrated, but I'm soaked in sweat.

Exactly, exactly. Oh, goodness.

Yeah.

So I'm not sure what, what other things people— I haven't looked at that post, but I know it kind of went crazy after a few days.

But yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, the, like I said, I, I, I think I read 15 of them or so, but, uh, they're just, it's just heartbreaking how, how, um, how many people really just, um, get stuck in this, you know, You know, some of the worst ones that you know it's hell, it's exhausting, it's terrifying. Just so many. So you know you you I hear things like that, and it it I feel you know so deeply for those women who are struggling so very badly. Especially I mean you know this isn't a sales presentation by any means, but there we there are options. There you're you're here in the menowave. I'm sorry in the menopause support group, and you have access to the menowave care providers. You know there's. 30-some-odd of us that, that you can look through and choose, you know. So there's different, there's different ways of, of, of, um, there's different philosophies, there's different methodologies, there's different, there's different price points. Like, there's so many different, different options available to you to, to get the help that you need so that it's less terrifying and it's less hell. Like, let's bring you up a couple levels of hell.

Yeah.

So it's less frightening, you know, like, we not be able to, and maybe we can. I, I don't want to put that off on anyone. Like, let— like, not— don't go into it thinking, well, if I can just get, get rid of my hot flashes, that's fine. Hey, that's okay. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. If you still have to struggle with all the other things, but you can get rid of the hot flashes, that would be huge, right? Then maybe pick a different one to work on next.

Right.

But the reality is that for mo— for most women, once you start healing your body, The hot flashes get better. Your sleep gets better. Your mood gets better. Like it isn't. It's not. You're not. It's not allopathic in that you're picking one thing and going, okay, let's fix that. Yeah. Fix your body, and then you fix the things that are happening in your body, and then you all of the all of the things get better.

So, and I think to your point, Eliza, there's there's people in our you know thirty plus care providers that will. There's people that will talk about our women that will talk about hormone therapy. There's women that will talk about essential oils. There's women that will talk about adrenals, about nutrition. Nutrition, about exercise, like everything from A to Z. At some— in some way, there's a— there's somebody that, you know, can talk about different symptoms that, um, you know, there's, there's people that are more in the intimacy realm and more in the, um— I'm trying to think— there's, there's a couple that are just kind of funny and just, you know, trying to bring humor to, to things. And so there's just a lot of different opportunities for people to work with different care providers. And I think one of the— that's the beauty of this group, right? There's plenty of women who are supporting each other and sharing ideas and sharing their experiences and that kind of thing. But you do have access to a lot of, a lot of us that spend, you know, a great deal of time really looking at different ways that we can bring value and help and from a professional standpoint. And so there's, there's something for everybody, but also there's nothing wrong with reaching out for that help, right? And I mean, for myself, like, I, I seek out help, you know, I'm not going to try and, and do therapy on myself or, you know, try and figure out on some Google, you know, search how much hormone therapy I need. Like, I'm going to reach out to the people that have those answers, that have done the research and that kind of a thing. And so many times, it's also about walking with them, right? Like, having somebody that you can just have those honest, open conversations with and be like, I just don't know what's going on. Like, I feel like I'm losing my mind. And, you know, so it's okay to reach out. And it doesn't mean weakness if you're— if you can't figure it out on your own, and You know, you need some support in that way too. So, yeah.

Absolutely. I think for most of us, we're probably only gonna, only gonna go through menopause once.

Yeah.

So, like, you, you don't have experience in doing this, right? Like, we, you, for most of us, we've not done this before. Don't, don't limit yourself in asking for help to do the thing you've never done before if you wanna do it differently.

Very nicely said. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

Yeah. So I just, I love the conversation. And I think the more active we can be in sharing our own stories, you know, and understanding each other and kind of where we come from and what our experiences have been, the more we can broaden our own knowledge about the world and people in it, you know, because we live in this kind of, we pay attention to what our worldview is and kind of what we experience and that kind of thing. But Man, hearing every— hearing other people's experiences can really be, um, yeah, eye-opening. And, and really, it's, you know, it's nice to, to just have somebody listen to kind of what's been— what's going on and really hearing, hearing the, the whole gamut of what you've been through type of a thing. So it can be very—

Yeah. And the other thing I was gonna— that you made me think of was that, you know, we do have over 30 providers, care providers in the midwife care group. So you may look at the list of providers on there and be overwhelmed. It may be just too many people. You don't know where you want to go. So what I would suggest is really start with you. Start with your symptoms. Start with the thing that you're struggling with the most. If you're struggling the most with sleep, then talk to someone who specializes in sleep. If you're talking— And the things that they Recommend that help you with sleep may help you with some of your other symptoms. But if you're struggling with weight loss, talk to someone who— with weight gain, help talk to someone who's going to specialize in that thing. Because there are so many of us, don't let yourself be overwhelmed. You can also— I'm going to make sure that I'm making myself a note to drop the care provider list. In the comments, so you guys can take a look at that easily. You can just hop in and take a look and see who's out there and who's available to you. And if you'd like to speak with Jen or I directly, we are here for you. We would love to have those conversations. And I'll make sure that we, we share the— what would you like to share, website or your Facebook page?

Probably, yeah, website's probably the best.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, the other thing, Eliza, that would probably be helpful is if we shared the link to the assessment. I don't know that everyone in the group knows that there is an assessment that is really very easy to fill out. It's just a lot of checkmarks and things like that. So that can be a really great way for the care providers to reach out and, you know, kind of see where they might be able to be. If you're not sure which one of us to reach out to, you know, fill out the assessment and that can be helpful to kind of narrow that down too. We would love if everyone filled out the assessment, but—

Thank you for that reminder because I totally forgot that if you don't know where to start, you can fill out the assessment and then we'll, we'll pick you and you don't have to pick one.

We're pretty, we're a pretty fun group. We get along. So, you know, we, we, we want to make sure that you're getting the help that you're, that you need, right? So we will, we will share the wealth and we will, we will find you somebody that can help you.

Absolutely, we will. Yeah, it's all about helping you to find the answers that you need so that you feel your best.

Yeah, yeah. And you know what I would love to also throw out is if you have questions that we can answer, please let us know. Like, post in the group and tag one of us and let us know if there's something in particular that you want us to talk about, because life keeps lifing and the world keeps turning around and the holidays are coming and all of the things. And so if you've got questions Like, how can we help you? Because we're here to, you know, answer questions and talk about some things. So we're happy to do that as well.

Yes, we are.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So should we go ahead and close out for the evening?

I think we should.

Oh, I already introduced myself. Would you— did you want to share? Share?

Well, I am Jennifer Gilliland, a dietitian and therapist whose Facebook account got hacked a little bit this morning. So that's why I was late trying to get back into Facebook. I actually— it's interesting because I did some things this morning. And Facebook was like, nope. And then I was able to get in. I don't know. I, I guess by the grace of God, I don't know. It was just like weird. The whole technology just is, um, a conundrum sometimes. Anyways, so I have been in this space for over 30 years. I'm one of the care providers. I love being here. I'm happy to help if I can, if I can answer questions or be in your world, I'm happy to help. So yeah, just happy to be here.

Thank you guys so much for joining us. For this episode of Menopause Support Live, and stay tuned if you're in the Menopause Support Group. I will drop a new question on Monday. If you have a chance, drop your answer to whatever. I don't know the question is, so you're gonna have to like wait, wait and see. Drop your answer. Then we will we may feature your response right here on next week's Menopause Support Live.

Love it.

All right. Thank you, everyone. Goodbye. Have a great evening.