A Sex Hacker’s Guide to Endless Orgasms and Lasting Confidence - Kenneth Play & Shameless Sex #277

All right, everyone, it is interview time and we are here with repeat guest Kenneth play. Kenneth's episode number 249 on squirting was a big hit. We in the, in all realms, in the audio realm, we also had video clips we put online. We had a video on YouTube with this one. We'll have the same thing. YouTube video. If you're not following us on YouTube, go find shameless sex. If you're not on Instagram, also go find Shameless X because there will be some wonderful clips there. And you know, we're visual people, so. So who doesn't want to see us and the sexy Kenneth play this time? We are here to talk about Kenneth new book specifically focusing on a sex hackers guide to endless orgasms, mind blowing connection and lasting confidence.

Ooh.

And we love sex hacking and we also love the journey. But for a lot of folks, you.

Know, we don't have a lot of time.

We're like, let's get to it. So Kenneth made a whole book about that through a lot of his experiences and teachings and learning. So let's dive in. And so Kenneth, you've already done this before on our show, but can you tell her listeners about how you got to where you are today in the field of sexuality?

I'm going to give you a short version of a long story, but I'm probably the world most unlikely sex educator person who's uploading video on the pulling up and teaching people on squirting. I was a painfully shy Asian immigrant with advertised cock. I thought, you know, from the type of cultural message about just Asian men not being sexy, if you don't have a porn star cock, you are worthless and you don't know how to ground and pound for like a half an hour that you're not amazing, not worthy of being a good lover. So when I got, I'm also a really sexual person. So when I got to my 30s, the first thing I did was I, I thought if I hack my body, I was a personal trainer first and if I learned how to have a superhero body, maybe I would be better in bed. But what I learned is no matter how externally successful I am, my internal insecurity about my self esteem still affected my sex life quite a bit. So when I decided to kind of hack my own sex life with some of the things I learned in the fitness industry, that really opens my eye and transform everything I see. And I let go of a lot of myths like bigger is better and really understand female orgasm and pleasure. And then it's actually true. If you build it, they will come. So if you acquire the competency of pleasure and how to really deeply connect with someone with the level of the right level of intimacy, the right sensation, the right skill, the right technique to the erotic context, everybody's aroused from their brain to their heart to their body. It really creates remarkable sex. And I'm actually, I think I am a example of someone adapting a growth mindset to sex and really change, you know, really changed my life in so many ways.

Yeah. And we're so excited to talk to you about this new book because the title is incredible. So I can only imagine I haven't been able to read it yet because it's new. So let's talk about Beyond Satisfied A Sex Hackers guide to Endless orgasms, Mind Blowing connection and Lasting confidence. What inspired this book and who is it for?

Well, I first started because I'm part of a sex positive community called Hacienda. We do education events, sex party, et cetera. I start teaching there and I got a really positive response because I teach like a personal trainer with some people are not very used to that format. So I do like a TED talk like lecture and then do a demo and then I have everyone do it like acro yoga class partner style. And it seems I got so many positive response. So one of Beth who is Andrew, the co founder, the founder's wife and also these are events and parties, she said hey, maybe you should tape this and put it on Point Hub and see what happened. So we just did a very like homemade version of this where I taught it like a fitness class and uploaded to pornhub and see what happened. And then after that I think my channel has over 15, 16 million views by now on Pornhub and it's been received. So like everyone loved the style of education and content and it's one of the things that they never thought they needed this. You know, it's not just some guy explaining something on a like a PowerPoint but like I actually do it and do a show and tell in a way that they could get it in a real world scenario. So that sparked my whole interest in creating a video course called Sex Hacker Pro. So when I created a course now I have like more than 10,000 students who have taken my course and they love it and all the sex hack that I've accumulated and then everyone asked me to write a book. So after their success of a course I decided to get all the things that I've been learning that I couldn't put it into the course as well and put everything in one book. So it addressed all the things that I've been researching and thinking about and translating to the world.

So that's penis owners, vulva owners. Pretty much anyone out there in the world can this.

I think anyone who is about female pleasure, like that's the focus. So anyone who likes to give female pleasure. And also I think it's very important for. For people who want to learn how to receive as well. Because it's two parts, right? Like one has to be a good receiver and one has to be a good giver. Like you could go try to. It's like eating on a diet. You know, when you're trying to feel like, oh, I shouldn't eat this cake, you know, you don't actually enjoy the cake, you know, although like you have to put yourself in that right mindset. It also. I think a lot of women been buying my book to their partner because this might be a growth generation. But most women don't like to teach their man how to have sex with them. So they rather me do it. So this is. Has been the guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my partner. I don't have to teach my partner about sex. Wonderful with the. In the sex world. And he watched some of your videos on new porn is like, Kenneth is amazing. So if y' all haven't checked out those videos, go check that out. Um, and then. Yeah, and then also all this other content that you have in the book. So your book extensively elaborates on 10 sex hacker topics and beyond. Right. So we're just kind of narrowing this down to 10 of the top topics that you're talking about. Um, and we'd really love if you could share a little bit about each of them. One is how to help her experience squirting for the first time. And so we're not going to dive into that one again. We will refer you all back to episode number two. 49. That's all about squirting. And that's Kenneth talking about that topic. And it was one of our top episodes. So let's start with the topic of overcoming performance anxiety. Like a world class athlete. What's that all about?

I think performing anxiety and function pressure happens no matter what body you have. Like for male and female body, performing anxiety is psychological. Ed is a lot of guy experience. And not that their dick cannot get hard from like a biological physiological sense is that they're feeling so much anxiety they're not in the state of arousal or they feel like they are not able Sometimes, you know, they might be just intoxicated, too drunk to do it right. But there is a lot of times that, you know, women have different types of performance anxiety because although when you see, you know, a clip being engorged, being fully turned on and filled with blood, it's harder to see than a penis. Penis is pretty straightforward. But also female performance anxiety as no, I need to come faster. Why am I not feeling great? Why don't I feel safe enough or whatever the case may be. So I address some of their hacks that top athlete do not to choke when they're in the moment of like this is the most important game of my life, I need to perform. But they don't go spin out thinking that the whole time. So they actually cannot perform when they're in that state. So what athlete learn to do is how to calm themselves in a state where they could be the most effective. And so instead of and the worst advice that you could give people and say just relax. No one know how they'd be like shut the fuck up. It's not helpful. So there's specific hacks that athletes do and could get themselves back into state. So as soon as you feel safe enough and relaxed enough, then arousal will start again. So I think that is very useful for anybody. Yeah.

So this will go into everything from like so penis aren't supposed to be like I'm not hard enough or my erection is not going to last or I'm going to come too soon or I'm not going to come at all. And for all the owners, similar experiences of I'm not aroused, I'm not going to orgasm. Those are kind of the primary things that the performance anxiety things that you're, you're speaking to.

Yeah but the problem is once people are they know they're in that dark loop, they don't know what to do exactly to get out of it. So I could tell you if you feel like this, you cannot get aroused. Like duh. But like you got to give them a hack on like literally how to get themselves out of it like step by step and what to focus on. So some of like from tantra practices to mindful like meditation like mindfulness really help. And also the thoughts that you know, you know, like people go like if you attach and to focus on orgasm, then you cannot come. Right. So then don't value orgasm is actually not exactly smart either. Like orgasm is important. It's like going a restaurant, not getting your food like a lot of people. Right. So how do you have the best of both world. How do you detach from the goal enough so you could play your best? And you probably got to get the goal because you're playing your best game. But you have to serve them both. And I give very specific techniques and hack on how to do that.

Okay, that's. I like where this is going. So what about fulfilling her naughtiest fantasies by understanding her erotic mind?

So Emily Lagowski wrote a book called Come as yous Are and it's very important and talks about. Basically you have a dual control system in your brain. One is telling you something you shouldn't do inhibits you. One excites you. Right. So the first hack we talk about overcoming anxiety is that you lower inhibition. Right. You are in the place that we say morale. The other thing is that the situation has to be exciting for you. Now like every woman is different slightly on what arouses them in a erotic context. So you know, some people love someone who's very patient and very soft in the beginning of the date. But when you get down to sex, it likes an animalistic, more dominant energy. So some guys, if you don't understand that there's two phase of their of the experience, phase one is about creating safety and the other phase two is about creating excitement. But we have to know exactly what is exciting to that person. It might vary. So women have different fantasy. It could be like a 50 shade of great kind of fantasy or could be a super romantic rose petal, sensual slow experience. But if you do not understand what turns her on. So sometimes you are doing everything right physically, but you're not doing it in the same, the same energy and vibe, you know, you just kissing me like you're trying to like you kiss a little princess, you know, I want you to kiss me like a slut. There you're still kissing, but there's a difference. So if you don't understand her erotic mind or context, then you, you're not bringing the right energy that is arousing. It's like watching the wrong genre of movie. You know, you're watching a movie, but it's the wrong genre.

Yeah, you have a lot of good analog comparisons there that. I love how it works my brain. I can see why you're so good at creating a sex hacker book. Because you can see like here's how it applies to your everyday life as well. Here's an example, like why would you do this when you could do it this way in an easier way? And also, and what I'm hearing you say too is like here's an easier route. But this is all really complex. But this is. You've spent so much time kind of narrowing it down to give us a more yeah like a smoother way into all of these processes. So what about curating a 90 minute orgasmic experience? I watch one of those please.

You know I my mentor panel Madsen who is the founder of Back to the body Retreat, I have the privilege to work with her for many years where we get to give those experience to many of their participants. And it's really focused on female pleasure and education and feeling safe and sometimes overcoming trauma. But what I have learned from that experience is that the orgasmic landscape for female bodies is so vast. And it's not like about having one orgasm. You can have endless amount of orgasm due out that experience with peaks and valley but you have to learn how to serve those waves. So when it comes to those orgasmic positive sensation, it's kind of like the ocean. It will come. When it comes, you can't force it. Like you have to be with the ocean. But you also have to teach the person how to ride it right to all the big peaks and valley. And there's specific techniques that works really well. But when I talk about curation it's about every aspect of that 90 minute is from the environment to the right music, to the right context, right tone to the right state the person needs to be to sort of the build up you have. Like when you go to a omakase Japanese restaurant serving you sushi, they try to take you on a journey on each piece is and the amount of salt level like it escalate. So you kind of have to learn how to curate an experience. And I go over different techniques on how to. It's like a circuit training, you know like you do push up, then you do a squat, then you do a pull up. So you could start with one sensation that induce an orgasm. Like just say you're doing penetration with hand stimulation to the clitoris. You have orgasm and then you could go from that to like an Android and a vibrator. As long as you change it up. Your brain still feel continuously excited. So you kind of rotate all that. Yeah. Android. Yeah. Oh yeah.

The stainless steel. Oh like the Android. Pure wand.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

Oh pure pleasure everyone. Pure pleasureshop.com go get the enjoy pure ones. Great for the juice bar 15 off coupon code shameless sex. All right. Anyways.

So you could rotate all different toys to different type of sensation. You could go from something softer if Your first orgasm is more of a gentle one. Then you have more rooms to build over time and you could rotate one nerve ending to another. Because I was very lucky during the pandemic, back in the fitness industry, I used to read all the studies on exercise science. How much do you rest between sets and how often you should work out and how often you should do legs and et cetera. You kind of come up with a training program based on those research. But when it comes to sex, we really don't take a lot of the research and turn it into protocol. We just have findings but no protocol. So when, during the pandemic, when I was writing this book, I actually could reach the researcher because they're not in their lab and they would talk to me about their science. And I really go like, okay, if I understand you correctly about what you're trying to say, can I apply this science like this increase some utility out of it. And one of the most fascinating things about their the neural layout meaning from your genital, so you're from your clitoris, your G spot to your A spot, your cervix, all those nerves, right? Most people think of it like, oh, American, really like to isolate things. I'm a vegan or carnivore, so I'll have a G spot only orgasm, right? But the brain doesn't quite interpret like a like single location. It's just that this is the full keyboard, right? Like new notes that you could play. If you keep changing up the songs, it keeps responding. So this is a very important finding is that like don't be boring in bed is actually key, right? But you don't want it. But once you find a way, don't fuck with it. Like go with it until it's over. It's like the most frustrating thing is some guys doing something to your start to feel good, then they decide to do something else. It's like the most annoying thing. So catch one ways at a time, but the next one will come when you do something slightly different. So how to turn all that signs into a 90 minute experience is what I put together.

It's kind of like a sexual playlist. When I'm working out, I have my playlist and some songs kind of bring me down and I want this next song to come on and some of them I love and I just get into beast mode. Which brings me to the next question. Or not the next question, but the next piece of this book and, and part of the the 10 which is like a beast with any size. Yeah, yeah.

You know, being an average Venus owner myself, I have done. You know, this is how I see the world when we come to sex. There's this myth that like life is a basketball game, the taller the better, right? But there's not. There is a pleasure fit. It's just like your shoe, right? It should fit your feet. So there is average vagina size and there's average penis size. And if you overlay the bell curve, most people fit. And there's the extreme end, right? They're really, really small and they're really, really big and they both have a really hard time if they're on either end. But most people fit, right? So we have this. I mean there's a chapter on the book called Beyond Size that people overemphasize the importance. I mean, if it was true that women have the best orgasm or the biggest penis, then the biggest dildo will sell the most, right? But that is not the truth.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean for some people there is definitely size queen out there, but that is not majority of women. Meaning that the bigger is better. There are certain percentage of women that is true. Like up to a limit, right? So there's like a optimal you a diminish of return. But anyway, for most. So I'm five nine, right? Most guys with average size penis will walk around like they're 4 11. They think they're that short. So for all the people who are just perfectly healthy and could do the job is to teach them how to use the penis they have in order for them to create the sexual experience. Because if the guy is so hung up on their dick, it also makes them terrible lover. But most of the time their dick is good enough that they. So that's that part and then so that's their stirs their own relationship with the size of their penis and all the other things like the angle of entry. What sensation are you trying to create with your penis vary so many. So from like the stroke value to travel how deep you're going to the rate of doing it and to the angle you're doing it. If you understand all those things, you could actually create a. A movement pattern that stimulates her vagina, her clitoris in a way that feels good. So if you could get onto. If you could calibrate until it feels good, just like salting your food when it's just right, then if you could keep that motion up and have some rhythm, it usually creates way more pleasure than just thinking you need a big cock and jackhammer away.

Oh, jackhammer. Oh, jackhammer the porn star rest in peace. So we used to work in an adult store and saw that. Exactly that. Yes, sometimes the big dildos sold well, but plenty of people wanted average sized dildos. And let me tell you, everyone, when you go on a set sex shop, most of the dildos are above average like you. But there are some smaller dildos or average dildos, but the majority of them are going to be above average. And if you go into sex shop and you're like my dick doesn't. It's smaller than all of these. Just know that. Because that's kind of what is selling more often. But it is not a perfect representation of the general population. Like you said, a lot of people are size queens. Or we actually would see, people would think they needed the bigger one. They bought it and they came back for the smaller ones. They're like this. My body's different than other bodies. You know, I. This. We're all unique. So just like every cock is unique in size. I feel like we have less conversations around vaginas being different in size. They are in length and in. But they are. So why not also embrace that together?

There's a chart on the book. Explain their. Their how it pairs from. It's so hard to find all those information. So I have a bunch of researcher finally James Faust helped me like get the right information about vagina size and how they measured it. But you know that song from Carli B. That said I want you to park this Big Mac truck in my tiny garage is not tr.

Oh my God. Yeah, it's like. That sounds painful.

Also, there's a thing where your. Your vaginal canal can kind of become smaller when you're cycling and when your cervix drops. So it actually can change. Sometimes even an average sized for me can be too much feeling in. In my vaginal depending on your hormones. I have a shallow vagina. And that's just the fact of the matter.

So she's not looking for the big. Big Mac truck, is it not?

Are the Big Mac trucks hurt. Hurt me?

Yeah, no, I'll take an average truck, please.

Thanks.

Okay, what about circuit training style multiple orgasm technique? What the fuck is that?

This is what I mentioned earlier. On the circuit training as in, you know, you do one sensation. So you just say you do a hand squirting motion, induce an orgasm and then you go to penetration with a vibrator. Then you go to anal bondage, spanking. So you just keep rotating things to keep the brain excited and providing a new stimulation that is Pleasurable. Then you could actually keep coming if you keep the game exciting.

Yeah.

It's like when you go to a good restaurant, every dish like course is delicious. You somehow find the room. Yeah.

Speaking of the foodie over here, I'm pointing at April. She's like, I know what you're talking about.

Yes. I'm like, bring another course please. On salmon.

Yeah.

And her pussy got wet.

That's a great analogy. As Amy said, you have wonderful analogies to. To really help my brain put all these pieces together in a way that I can understand. And the circuit training is great because I am an avid person that likes to work out and I understand the buildup and I get bored. You can compare sex to workouts so easily because it's similar and I get bored. If I did the same workout over and over and over again, I don't think I would even continue to work out. Same with sex. If you're just missionary style or doggy style time and time and time and time and time and time again. You might not want to even tap into your partner. If it's a long term partner. You might be like, fuck that dude. I'm so tired of a missionary. Can we please switch it up? Like swing me around. Like use that Big Mac truck in my little garage.

Or some anal.

Or some anal. Yeah. So I like this circuit. The circuit training style, mentality or thinking about it that way so. Or the coursed meal as well. Kenneth, way to analyze that. Analyze that.

Analyze that.

Yeah, analyze that. What about this? Unlike block all her erogenous zones. C, A, P and G spots plus anal.

So I did, I was so I was lucky to talk to all the researcher and really understand the neuroanatomy. And I have like such detail and it's never been made before in this detail. So I so I did a lot of the comparison between and those are all custom diagram.

He's holding up his book everyone. So go to YouTube if you're. If you're into it and check out. Or just buy the book.

Yeah.

And check out all of these illustrations.

Yeah. They have QR codes in all the diagrams. Or you could. It goes in my website will show you the emotion because you know black and white and 2D is so limiting. So I have all the stuff in made in different perspective to see the changes and all the neural layout but back to the spot. I want to help people discover the whole keyboard of sensation that you could feel. Some are more foreign that your brain haven't learned that that could induce orgasm. So for most straight dudes who have maybe like feeling a little bit more homophobic about having that prostate touch, but they have no idea that that part of their body could possibly induce an orgasm, right. So they're just more zones, more keyboards. And the beautiful thing about sexual learning is for the brain is that while you're having more orgasm, meaning if you're having orgasm reliably, you're more likely to able to learn new ways to have pleasure. If you stuck on a loop that you don't get much pleasure, then you're more like, this is never going to work. So the idea is that if you first you go to the lowest hanging fruit, what is the most reliable spot? Right? That one spot, one way to provide sensation that is the most reliable to orgasm. And once you get the first one, you could use that one to assist on new discovery. So let me tell you a little bit more in detail. So if you clitoris, external rubbing or whatever, however you masturbate is a vibrator is the most predictable, easiest way for that orgasm. You could use that as the driver of your arousal. So you use the same technique to bring your arousal to like edging like you're almost about to come. And then lower that sensation and touch your G spot more so while your arousal is super high. And then you lower their vibration or their, the rubbing. And then you continue to use the enjoy until you want to come so bad that your brain just let the G spot tip you over. And then your brain forms a new, like a new pathway. Oh, this could induce orgasm. And then just learn and learn and learn. So you could do this repeatedly on all the spots if you, if you, you know, if you want to be a complete psychother, you could see how many things that you could unlock within your body. Not that you need to unlock all the possibility. Right. But it's whatever that is most pleasurable to you. But there is a way to learn to have more orgasm. But there's specific hacks like drive up your arousal, go to the dependent, the most dependable sensation and then add things.

I have heard of people even doing that I think with Hot Octopus, right. April, like people had spinal cord injuries and, and they, well, this is kind of a side note like, but they had orgasms one way and now it has changed. And I think Hot Octopus sex toy company that April works for has done a lot of research around that or people who, who can't feel from the waist down now. Now they learn how to orgasm from their armpits.

Yeah, they rezone from their earlobes. And yeah, so same the same, the same, the same idea. But it's much easier. I mean that's a very unfortunate extreme case where you can feel from your neck down. But the key that I found from my own research and hacking is to drive up as much arousal as possible while you're training. So you don't want to work on an end that you build up from nothing. You'll all, you know, like that feeling that you get when you're about to come. Everything kind of feels amazing. So you want to use that energy and train a new spot with that. It's like positive reinforcement.

We always come back to this and I always ask this trivia question to people. What is your largest sex organ? They're like my tongue, my pain or.

Sometimes they say skin.

They say skin, right. And it's your brain and creating these new narrow pathways that you're talking about is huge. And the armpit orgasm or the edging piece where you can learn how to tap into that is really cool that our bodies are always developing and changing. That we can learn to do that and that it's not our genitals that are our largest sex organ. Thank the goddesses for that one.

Thank goddess gato s. And with that, let me ask about this one.

Okay.

Different orgasm types. What is popcorn, volcano and back to back.

So there is this different orgasm pattern that researcher have found and lioness have an amazing blog about it too. When they have a dildo that measure the contraction of the pelvic floor to see the pattern of contraction that you have, that's the positive sensation, that's the physical sensation that you experience. So when I'm talking about popcorn and volcano and back to back, the one that I'm talking about is multiple orgasms. So multiple orgasm could happen like you've been having sex for 20 minutes, 30 minutes and you have orgasm in minute three, minute eight, minute 11 and minute 15. They kind of just happen in popcorn style and random times. Back to back is they happen consecutively. They just one after the other. They're rolling and continue. Volcano is more of a male body of boygasm. It's more like they're big fill up, big eruption and they come down like they you get tired afterward and you kind of lose energy. So there's different type of orgasm that people experience. And you can see what pattern that your body is more not wired to but prefer initially. But how you start something doesn't mean how you're going to end with something. So meaning that you could start off one way that you discover that you have other ability. But once you learn the orgasm pattern then you learn how to ride with that person.

I like that.

I like that. Depending how they go.

The visualization of popcorn volcano. Yeah that makes makes total sense for me. Yeah.

Back to back.

Which feels amazing. But now I'm tired. Maybe I want to do some back to back.

I want to act all reminds me of Drake. Sorry, that was conducted Drake. So what about foreplay techniques to maximize arousal? And I'm sure this one is endless and vast.

I spent quite a bit of time talking about consent and negotiating sex. I think one of the first fundamental rule and might be slightly off topic is that the golden rule is that you should have your partner's best interest in mind. That should be the first like their well being above all. Not your. Not your. Not your desire to get laid at that moment. Not anything else. If you do that then you could create a safe container for arousal to happen. If that's not the case then it's actually literally not safe. Right. So creating that safety is really important after that. I think foreplay is what most people think is all the things you do before you put your penis inside. And that's not how I look at foreplay. Foreplay is where you build up the arousal. So and many times is that you could actually have a couple of warm up orgasms. Because I do like if I die I would love to come back and have a clitoris because I've seen the orgasm that you lady able to have and I'm so jealous. All the training I have to do to feel ounce of what you ladies experience sometimes. But I do think having most of the time having a couple of warm up orgasm it will lead to better penetrative sex. Because having an orgasm first really relaxes your body. And there's usually no refractor period for female bodies. So it's the major win. So it's not everything before penetration but all the things to optimize arousal for the entire journey. But I have very specific techniques like the gravity blanket is popular for a while the weighted blankets pressure. Yeah. So if you lay a top on your partner and just have close skin contact with pressure and take some breaths together is a really good grounding technique where you're having enough gravity blanket like pressure throughout the whole body to to focus things of. Kingster has a lot of like the games like sensation is helped your mind because a lot of people have ADHD when it comes to sex. They're thinking about 18,000 different things. So certain things like how do you mix, how do you ask someone to pay attention? So I want and then you literally tell your partner I want you to pay attention and pay attention to where my finger is tracing on your body. So you just give them something to focus their mind so they become more mindful in the moment and then they anticipate your sensation to like. I love a warm up technique. I have warm coconut oil where I'm slowly dripping drops when someone is blindfolded so they pay attention to the warm station hitting the skin from different places. That's a great mindfulness hack to kind of bring, make your world a little smaller so you're in your body. So 4 place to go from warm up orgasm to just bringing the present into the moment.

I love that sensation play and just the reminders that we can utilize with partners to bring them into presence and, and then it's sexy and sensual at the same time so you can have a lot of fun with it. Something that came to mind for me when you said when you die you want to come back as a owner. I, I, when I die I want to come back as a penis owner because I just like just, I just want to see what that's all about. But I was thinking of Betty Dodson also. Rest in peace Betty Dodson. And I was watching one of her last videos that she did. I was in an interview and she thought she's like I'm ready for death. Death is the ultimate orgasm. Like that woman has had thousands upon thousands, maybe millions of orgasms.

The little death.

Yeah, the little death. She's like, she's like it's going to be the biggest, best, biggest, best orgasm I've ever had my entire life. And she's, you know, she died the way she wanted to and so anyways, just wanted to highlight that one. Okay, so here's the last one after care to make her feel truly cared for. In the beginning we talked about like the safety beforehand. Now we're talking about, you know, after the playtime. Can you share a little more about that?

So this is not my words, right? This is evolutionary psychotic. Just talks about how we are built. So post sex is sort of the most vulnerable for women or female body people, right? They feel oh now you could impregnate me. And then you stuck me with this decision and I have to, you got to run away and disappear. So there's a very, that's a very important time for people not to be assholes. Especially post sex. That moment is Vulnerable. Even in the most casual sex situation, you still want to be extremely nurturing and caring at that moment. So you could have the kinky as of sex like prior to that moment, but transitioning into giving appropriate amount of aftercare, situational dependent. But to really feel someone that they care for. You're not just there to like take advantage or use them and manipulate them and to transition that experience, to ground that experience as something positive and an exchange of the good vibes between two people from like the sex that you just have sex at the orgy and orgy bed to your marital sex. I think that experience is so important and there's specific ways to do it. You know, I had this goddess bath ritual that's like the ultimate 90 minute experience where you know, you put flowers in a warm bath, you bring someone in there and you give them a whole sensual experience and you tell them all the ways that you notice or acknowledge them and appreciate them. So you could take it to a very high level for Valentine's Day or just simply like someone might have some emotion post sex that you don't know, don't. You don't need to investigate. You're not an investigative journalist. You could just hold space and just allow, be comfortable with the feeling that is coming up and not make it about you. It's also very important. So it could be very psychological hacks to very physical, just providing things. One of my favorite things to say to a partner is after sex when they're in the space where they're so relaxed and they just have all the orgasms them like naturally they just go like, oh, this is the space where they cannot defend if a wild animal came into the room, right. Like they're in that state and usually you would catch them have a moment. They feel like they need to get back to management, they need to do something right. I need to take care of something. And they get in that mode and they don't allow themselves to relax, feel safe. So I say don't manage anything. I got this. This is the sweetest things you could say. Just stay in your body.

You just made my pussy so happy when you said that my pussy was like, yes.

Yeah, don't kick back to management. And if you're watching on YouTube, you look at two of their faces, you will get it. Because I really deeply resonate and I think doing that will create the reciprocity that we all seek.

Yeah, that could be in life too. Just don't worry about it. I got you. Be like, thank you. Now can we I think think the safety piece is so huge and it's something that I never considered before. I was in the business of sex, right in this business. And then it's, it's so obvious. But it is not something that is completely natural. At least what I experienced in my sexual experiences were. There was a lot of safety and safety meaning that I was always. My comfort level was, was never addressed with, with penis owners that I had been hooking up with. Right. It was, it was a lot of times about them. So this book is, is. Is really is. Is awesome. I'm so happy the tools are out there. I love that you had access to these researchers and you were able to speak one on one with them and get this, all of this science and mix it with these, these hacks that are relatable to everyday things outside of the bedroom. And taking the approach of the athlete is so cool. So I'm, I'm loving it. Even if you're not an athlete, you. You've I'm sure seen a soccer game or a tennis game or football. So you can, can relate on some level to what the athletes have to do and taking your putting your game face on in the bedroom and not spinning out of control and getting in your head. So I love this Kenneth and I want to buy this book for sure support you and your work because you're so incredible. And for our folks out there who would also like access to you, your work, your book. Will you please let folks know how they can find you?

Yeah, you can find me on kennethblay.com and you find all my social and the book is there. And if you want to go specifically to the book go to kennethplay.com.com book I'm still working with Amazon. They currently shadow ban my books as harder as Amazon which my book is comparable to. She come first like content wise and I don't know why I'm working through that but please come support me. Go to kenaplay.com book and like everything is, you know a lot. I feel like sometime in sex education a lot of it is you just talking about theories and ideas. I take those science and really turn into utility. Like every orgasm I chart them on things and every technique shows you from a external point of view to like literally how you do it with the illustration. So everything is in motion and is. And I'm also a learning nerd. To me most people don't want to be better sex educated. They don't want more information. They want to translate the learning into the bedroom. And I have dedicated myself on this book to not only give you the information, but help you turn this information to utility so you could experience their pleasure that we could all experience in your body. And one of the things I learned is when you're generous to women, they are ten times more generous to you. And I hope men just get this. If you really are generous in the bedroom, you get. You will get the best blowjob and any fucking you ever could possibly dream of.

Everybody wins generous first.

I can just imagine it in the bedroom on a book stand next to the person you're hooking up with the Volvo. Like, hold on, wait right there. Kenneth says I have to angle this way, position this way. And the diagrams are helpful. Just you holding them up. I'm a visual learner.

And there's the QR code thing. That's cool. That you can go and actually see like interactive pieces online in motion.

And I could update them. Yeah. And then I. That was the vagina to penis size and how it compares on the average.

Oh, interesting.

And you know, just, you know, you want to hear something really kind of like the quick thing that I discover. I find it really fascinating, you know, why bigger penises and bigger boobs and hip to ratio works for human's mind. So the theory is, you know, like when you watch a Burger King commercial, even though you know Burger King is disgusting, somehow looking at that burger that looks beautiful makes you salivate and be hungry for. So we have this type of visual trigger that tell us what good is and is it basically through a visual system that we associate. It has nothing to do with how it actually make us feel, but we associate certain visual cues to be more pleasurable is how we are wire. So a lot of those bigger is better myths or more curvy like now in Instagram, every butt is like ridiculous.

That's not right.

But it's hacking our visual system, so. But it does not equal pleasure. I think that's what people really need to understand. So just because how something look or hijack our visual system, just like your phone hijacking our attention system by giving you tons of notifications doesn't necessarily is good for you. So if you really want to experience it as pleasure, rather than what give you the promise of pleasure, you want to experience the pleasure, then learn how to have the pleasure.

And it sounds like no matter what genitals you're rocking, no matter what size you're going with, there are ways that you can orgasm and deliver orgasms. So that's cool. And yeah. Go check Kenneth's book out. And thank you, Kenneth. You are always such a fantastic human to have on the show. I just love your information, and I hope to see you again soon because you are just this encyclopedia of sexual knowledge.

Didn't we say we're gonna do an episode in the future all on anal? I think we said that last time we did. So let's.

I love that. I would love to. There's. There's a. There's a hack in there called Release the Kraken. Amazing.

That's one of my favorite things to say when I drink this kind of rum. It's called the Kraken. We're not sponsored by them, but I'm like, amy, release the Kraken.

So you're talking about.

You don't have it now.

Oh, my God. I also have this assassin.

Oh, that kind of assassin.

That's hot. Oh, wow.

It's a hand in hand.

I hope you all are watching this on YouTube because you can get a little taste of some of the diagrams in Kenneth's book.

Or just go get the book.

Well, we'll have you back for sure. And thank you. Thank you so very much. So much gratitude for you and so much gratitude for all of you shameless sex revolutionaries listening each week, or sometimes maybe you tune in once a month whenever you're tuning in. If you can just go ahead and give us five stars on iTunes. We read every single review, and all this does is help more folks out there find people like Kenneth play and his work. And it helps more people have better sex and more amazing sex and love their genitals and love themselves. So please go ahead. If you don't want to write a long review, you don't have to. You can just give us emoji or the fucking squirt emoji. I don't care. I will read it. Which I don't really read emojis. I just look at them. But I like them, so thank you so much. We love each and every one of you so much. Okay. So much. Forever and always. Xoxo. All right, I'm done with that. All right, y', all, we'll see you next Tuesday for another episode of Shameless Sex. Ciao for now.