How to Have Multiple Orgasms with Kenneth Play

Hello there, I'm Dr. Nazanin Moali, licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and host of Sexology podcast. In this video we're going to talk about how you can experience multiple orgasms. We're going to talk about what you need to do to create psychological arousal, physiological arousal, and what kind of touches you need to experience in order to have multiple orgasms. Our guest today is Kenneth Play. Kenneth has been known as a sex hacker by GQ magazines. He's been a guest lecturer at NYU and multiple universities and he will teach us step by step all the things that you need to do in order for you to be able to cultivate this skill. If you are new to this channel, make sure you are subscribing every single week. We have a world renowned expert teaching us a sexual skill, so you do not want to miss that. Without further ado, here's my conversation with Kenneth Play. Hello and welcome to another episode of Sexology podcast. I am so excited to welcome Kenneth Play, the sex hacker on our show. Kenneth, welcome to our show.

I'm so excited to be on today. This is going to be a fun conversation.

I am so excited and looking forward to this. I got the pleasure of receiving your book and I loved all the details that you included as far as different kind of like hacks and information that kind of hands on tool that can people incorporate in their sexual experiences with their partner. And I'm kind of curious to know, I know you talked about it in the book, but for our listeners, how did you get in this realm of becoming a sex hacker?

Well, I am probably the world most unlikely sex educator having sex ed content on pornhub. There's such an like I can't even imagine as a teenager that would be my path to my career success. I grew up super sexually insecure, like crippling fear to a point that I remember as a teenager. I wouldn't let my girlfriend at the time see my penis because I thought I didn't have a porn star cock. If she see my average sized cock, that would be the end of my life. And I lost my virginity quite late and I was a relatively fit lifeguard at that time. But I thought, you know, if I hack my fitness, I have a superhero body that would change my self self esteem and sexual confidence. It did not change that. No matter how much external success that I able to achieve, it did not affect my inner work, my insecurity when it comes to sex. And not to my late 20s, early 30s when I found this X positive community and start diving into the topic that profoundly changed my life. Now I am just going out there talking about my average sized penis overcoming insecurity and how to be amazing in bed. So that's been my life.

What an incredible journey. And I believe that part of your story also resonates with so many people. I had a listener that she reached out to me and said like, oh, we saw Kenneth play at Jonas happy hour. I love her story and like what he was talking about because it is truly incredible. People think about, okay, you have a certain kind of like sexual ability, size, all of that. And that's something that cannot be changed. And people as you mentioned, gets hooked. They get hooked in this cycle of if I looks differently, if I buy this, then I'm going to feel better, therefore I'm going to be more appealing. But for you, it seems like it was more of an internal shift. How did you make that internal shift?

You know, it's kind of an awkward position when you're a very sexual horny person and you're also sexually insecure. It kind of makes you like a little, little nutty when you have high desire and then you honor like when you are self rejecting and having a diet. I would just, you know, I learned how to hack my fitness life. I learned how to, you know, gain muscle, lose fat, look like a Marvel superhero. But, but I also learn a lot from that process on how to kind of overcoming your internal limitation. You know, for thousands of clients that I train over the years, when they walk into the gym, it's not like they feel great about themselves at that moment. How do you help them overcome that process and adhere to a lifestyle, a fitness program that would profoundly change their lives. So I figured if I could achieve something so difficult on the other side, on the fitness side, can I apply the same principle when it comes to my sex life? And the first thought I think most men would have is that if you're not born like 64 with a porn star penis, then you're not. Your sexual worth is limited. But thank God I found out that sex is not like a basketball game, like taller the better. And once I learn about all of those, you know, sex myth that destroys people's sex life, I also learn a lot of their pleasure principle behind. I didn't know that I could adopt a growth mindset to sexuality like I could do with fitness. And in some way, you know, people would never know what their body is capable of if they never worked out in their life. Like how many pull ups can you possibly do if you Actually train for it versus you do nothing. So looking sex through a fitness lens also make me realize that sex education is kind of lacking behind in other like compared to food and fitness. So I was looking for all their information. That's why I was so obsessive about like you know, writing my book and my course to create sex at the way that I learned it in the fitness industry.

And again, I love what what you tell in the book about kind of the tips and tricks because I think mindset is important. But also there is this gap for most people that they see things in porn. They don't feel that they have that characteristics and they don't have. So as you said that it's important to kind of think about okay, how can I kind of acquire what I need to be a great lover. So which we're going to talk more about it. There were so many great concepts in your book that I wanted to talk about. And then I was like, okay, let's focus on one. So today we're going to talk about multiple orgasms. That's something that many women want and some people it's easier for them to experience it and for some people it's less possible. So tell us more about multiple orgasms. Is that something that every woman can experience? Is that a skill?

It's definitely a skill. You know, typically when used, I teach a lot about female ejaculation and squirting and also conducting the world larger survey with Dr. Jana and everybody's like, can every woman squirt on every female body? Squirt? It's a tough question to answer because it's like can every human do 25 pull ups? You know what I mean? You can if you train for it. And some people have an easier time to get there and some people have a more difficult time to get there. I think that is the answer. I think 47% according to the OMGS research that they did that many female experience multiple orgasm because the refractor period is lower and there's different kinds of multiple orgasm. So when we're talking about multiple orgasm in one one session, as in one sexual experience, like are you having popcorn style that it just happened randomly at different time throughout the whole play session? Are you talking about consecutive like back to back orgasm or extended orgasm where you didn't know where the end, like where it begins and where it ends? So I don't think we have enough lexicon to describe the unique experience that many people have. But as to look at multiple orgasm from more like a sexual Fitness lens is something that you could definitely learn to train yourself. Just like I never thought that I could have a multiple orgasm, I have learned to train my body how to have them. But it is a skill both from receiving the stimulation and arousal that you need to be in that state. Also know how your body works. So that's why it's so important to, to learn how your body actually work and then adopt a growth mindset that you can learn how to like you have to learn how to relax enough and get aroused enough and how to ask for the right amount of stimulation with the right rhythm and then how to back off there and more or less. Yeah.

Well, I think there's so many great points that you mentioned that I want us to kind of like talk more about. First of all, I bet that there is like there's a huge part of our population that are like listeners, that are therapists, educators. And I want to emphasize that not necessarily for having a great sexual experience, you don't need to orgasm every time. It's completely optional thing. Sex can be wonderful and pleasurable and connecting even if either of the parties, they don't have orgasm. So that's completely something that's possible. And many people encourage people to kind of not necessarily focus solely on achieving orgasm. It's more about the journey, pleasure, kind of connecting with pleasure and all of that. But I love that you compare it to squirting. Like there's just so many controversial things around squatting. And as a psychologist, sex therapist, I, I would say like, if you want to learn this skill, it's. You get to learn it. Right? It's not our job to say like, okay, if you want this skill you can learn. Or with multiple orgasms, if you want multiple orgasms, then that's a skill. Like the pull up that you mentioned that people can cultivate. If you're good with one and done, that's great. Or none. We had a guest that they talked about extended orgasms, few sessions. And we love the conversation we had with them. I love that you had also in the book, like three different types. So tell us. So you said like one is a popcorn style and one is one after another. What lead to those different types of.

Well, the popcorn is easy to describe. Like you have an orgasm, there's a refractory recovery period. And then sometimes it depends on the length of time. So I mean I use a lot of fitness reference because this is my background. So how much rest do you have between sets? Right. For some people it could be a very Short recovery time. For some people, it's a little bit longer. It depends on so many factors like how your nervous system function, how you wire in the first place, and how trained, how conditioned you are are how. How used your body is used to get arousal back up relatively quickly. And how much do you drop. You drop back down to baseline or you stay relatively high on arousal even after the orgasm. So the popcorn is just, you know, you had orgasm when you're having oral sex, then maybe you have a vibrator and penetration. Maybe you have another one when you change position. So you could, you know, that's kind of. Yeah. Four orgasm in one session, back to back is more intentional where you trying to have an orgasm, but keep the plate spinning just slow enough that you don't drop all the way down. And then you want to ride that energy from the previous and back to the next one. So. And that extended orgasm, I would say that the peak and valley does not feel as distinct as like one after the other is sort of all continuous. And that's more on the tantra size practice. I also believe there is a lot of misunderstanding when people are thinking about orgasm. Like what they literally need to do. So from the giver side, it's different. From the receiver side, how do you get yourself in that receptive parasympathetic state that you are trusting arouse turn on, relax. And then you also could have enough attention and to be more specific, having interoception, meaning your own ability to pay attention to your own sensation and then not thinking about something else. If you have all those skills combined in the right environment, then you learn how to ride your internal waves of those orgasmic pleasure.

Beautiful. What comes up for me is that I hear from lots of my clients. Clients and lots of our listeners, women's clit gets super sensitive after. After experiencing orgasm. How can they continue going when they have this level of sensitivity?

Oh, I have a. Let me grab a little tool to demonstrate. It's actually good. There's so many hacks that I think is fascinating. Like the new hack that I love is, I call it a double clit orgasm. So one of my favorite favorite sex toys is Zumio. And it doesn't vibrate, it rotates in the spiral tip. But anyway, if this is the clitoris and this is the hood, you have the dorsal nerve running on the cliton left and the right side. When it comes to sensitivity, I hypothesize talking to Dr. James Fowles and he explained the neuroscience behind it. But when you shine a really bright light on your eye, all of a sudden it becomes white and you can't see anything. And it takes a while to calibrate back to baseline. So just say after you have an orgasm, there's a moment of sensitivity. But what's interesting about this toy because it's so hyper precise that I could just stimulate the right side of the dorsal nerve on the left side. So as soon as you have an orgasm on this side, right, which happens in the brain, then this nerve is still fresh and not ready to go. So you could go one side and then the other side. So you could go back to back. And on top of that, you know, if you look at from the genital to the rest of the body, because some people have a nipple orgasm to that yellow. But if you're talking about all the flavors, especially when it comes to female body, you have, you know, you have the clitoris, you have different zones, right? Like the clit, G spot, a spot, cervix, anal, etc. All the nerves laying there. If you. I call it like circuit training. I know it sounds so fitness. You know how like you do squat, then you do push up, you do a pull up, and then you do some crunches. You're working different parts of your body. While one muscle is exhausted, the other one is still ready to go. And you keep your heart rate up. So your heart rate is sort of like arousal bit. But if you learn how to work each zone so you could, you could combine them so you could do like squat and overhead press, or you could just do squat. But unfortunately most people don't know how to work all the zones or the combination of flavor that you could create. So if you want to have multiple orgasm that is back to back, just say if you start off with a guitar orgasm just from oral sex, then you're into fingering and maybe a vibrator. I think one of the most important tricks that I learned from anecdotally, I mean thousands of sample size is don't be boring. If the sensation change slightly, then the brain have a reason to pay attention. But there's a diminishing return with the same sensation most of the time. If you could incorporate multiple different types of sensation, that is, that could be potentially orgasmic and then you could sequence them in the right order, then you could kind of keep the orgasm train going.

That is great and great tip. And for our listeners, you can watch the part of this interview at YouTube as well. So you can see what he was demonstrating. And I think it was such a Great point. And I tell people that take advantage of different erogenous zone because people kind of continue to do the same movement and perhaps they've been doing the same movement with the same partner for years, and then they have this kind of unmet expectation that things are not as exciting. So I love that you're kind of encouraging, inviting people to explore different things, even the same sexual experience, kind of different touches, different types of kind of stroking, using all wonderful tools that you have in your toolbox.

You know, it's like having different receptor on your tongue. You could taste salt. Salt, sweet, spicy, bitter, you know, sour. So until you actually taste that flavor, like, you know, if you're putting salt, you can't taste sweet, right? But you just like a genital is like a full keyboard of different notes you could play, but it require a different way of focusing. So I dove so deep in the neuroscience because in my fitness career I used to read the research paper and translate the research paper to training protocols like how do we learn from this? And then create a workout routine that people actually get the benefit from the research when I was working on the book. Dr. James Faust is one of my favorite favorite neuro researcher when it comes to pleasure. And one of the most important lessons that I learned from him is that you have two distinct types of nerve. There's many more, but there's two categories that that is very important for the listener to understand. So if you look at the clitoris, as in the clitoris gland on the outside, right? And then the internal bit, the bulbs and the legs and etc. But their external side is very similar to the head of the penis. They work better when there's tension and sympathetic arousal, like flight or flight. So when the more you get into it, right, it doesn't matter the amount of sensitivity, but you want to calibrate the touch. But you're more likely to have an orgasm when you squeeze one out. It requires attention. But most of the internal sensation, that is the pelvic nerve to the pudendal nerve, those are more sympathetic types of arousal that require that orgasm come out. When it comes to the internal orgasm, like a spot, g spot, prostate, it doesn't matter which which male or female body, it require you to be more in a receptive state. So your parasympathetic arousal needs to have a decent amount. So it's not like one. It's not like seesaw, right? Not excitatory. I don't know if I'm being too nerdy on this podcast, but I Love, I love nerdy. So you know, like Emily, Emily Lagowski, using the same model from Jane's child of the dual control. So you have to, you have excitatory inhibitory that is a seesaw. But when it comes to sympathetic. Right. Flight or flight or rest and digest parasympathetic, they could work together. So you could heighten both. You could be very relaxed, calm and excited at the same time. Right. So you require for you to be in this incredibly alert and yet receptive surrender allowing state in order for those type of visceral nerve. Right. In order for that, that you know, in time for. It's like sexual energy to build up. And it's not the same way you're trying to squeeze the orgasm out of your clit or the head of your penis. But most people do not have the opportunity to learn because we all rob of a sex education how to train yourself into that receptive state. So imagine you're trying to have an orgasm, but you're in the wrong state. Right. It's not going to happen. And what's so fascinating about their internal orgasm and I'm not preaching one is better than the other. There's no hierarchy, just preference. Right. But when it comes to the internal sensation because it's linked to your vagus and your hypogastric nerve, it's the same Barry researches. Dr. Barry's research is so profound that because of all the nerves that wandering around your body when people talk about full body orgasm. But what's really remarkable is that when I got to talk to him when I was researching my book, he talks about emotion and having feelings, but the actual motion bit like when you cry, you like cringe or when you have a cramp or whatever those internal sensation. So imagine those internal orgasm is the same pathway as your emotion. You really have to allow yourself to feel everything and allow all the motion of the emotion passed through your body in order for that system to fully activate. So the more, the more we are inhibited, the more we shut down our feelings, the more we fear intimacy or letting go and fully connect with our sexual being, the less that we could experience those higher state of sexual peak experiences. So it's really crazy when you would finally learn how to have that full body orgasm because you're actually allowing all your emotion and everything in your body to flow.

Yeah, so many great information. And also I think it reminds me of the importance of foreplay, you know, in your, in your book also you talk about that like creating a space and kind of in A way kind of like cultivating this energy. That's how I think about foreplay. I can not saying that foreplay, something comes before the intercourse. We're not saying that, but it seems like that can be very helpful with building those states that you mentioned. I know that in your book you use this term which is very interesting. Designer foreplay. Many people are checked out during foreplay. They think, okay, we're doing 1, 2, 3, 4. In order for us to get to the point of our body is ready for intercourse. How can we change our foreplay in a way that allows for putting us kind of experiencing the level of arousal that you mentioned?

There's so many layers to foreplay. Like you said, like most people think it's all the things that you do before you put your penis in. Right. It's unfortunate. I'm talking more heterosex perspective. I think foreplay is really getting. There's so many layers. First, it's like it could be environmental and you in the right room, the right setting, right? For some people a dirty bathroom is a turn on. For some people it's perfectly white crisp sheet at a hotel. So different layer. The erotic context was just so important. It's before you even touch the body. If you're a turn on from your brain, your heart, like you're. You're turned on by the environment, that's half the battle. It's not like, oh, you should stroke her face, so give her little kisses here. Necessary for foreplay. But if you could create a scenario, I mean it's not an accident that 50 shade of gray. So more than the Bible because it's psychologically arousing. So if more straight men understand female arousal psychologically like what do they desire? Right? What context? How what's erotic? So in the book I also talk about your pledge of personality. Like are you bringing their primal athlete energy? Are you more like director? Are you dominant, assertive and confident? Are you being romantic? Are you being more of a spiritual empathic tantra energy into the bedroom? Are you more mechanical when you, you know, trying to suspend someone, which requires a lot of like technical skills. If you could bring different aspect of that into the bedroom, that's half of the battle when it comes to arousal. The second part is in foreplay. The second part is getting the body to pay attention is so important because mind blowing, you know, the subtitle had mind blowing connection. If you could truly connect with someone, they are not distracted, they're in the moment. Their mindfulness is here and they're here. And now with you. And they anticipate every touch that you have. It's like you, you know, it's like sometimes we're folding laundry, we're listening to a podcast. You're not even listening. You're just doing a thing. So how do you get people to really listen or really absorb the moment and then from that on. Anticipation is a great tool. Right. And where to touch. I think it's so much more delicious when you have someone so aroused before you touch them. And then when you touch them, they're dying for that touch. Also, I think a lot of straight men who really need to learn what a lady boner is, you know, like when it's like trying to put your penis in when you're not hard, it's not going to work. So you have to make sure the clear is fully engorged. So your goal is to get it fully engorged. And I think a couple, I think the best foreplay is actually a couple of warm up orgasm in my view. So it's not just penetration warm up orgasm because it's more likely. I mean there are some women who are like one and done right, which is, which is out there, but unlikely. And then if you have a couple of orgasms, then it's pretty much guaranteed that is in the most like prime state or other activity.

Okay. I feel you're setting the expectations so high for heterosexual relationships that are male listeners are sweating.

I know, but I wrote a whole book to make it so easy, like very methodical, so just like someone mastering a video game they never played before. I really broke down tutorial that you gain one skill at a time. But it's also broken down to like, here's a 20% of skill that will make you at the like top 5% of lovers, you know, and it's very, very straightforward. But I actually don't want to. I also don't want to make it like, oh, you should just, you know, make out with her a little bit and go down on her before you put it in because it's the wrong message. I think sex is worth everyone's like one college semester worth of commitment to acquire the knowledge and skill. I mean, no one regrets being great in that. And it takes you one semester to be the top 5%. I don't see why you wouldn't want to do that for the rest of your sex life. It's crazy.

Well, and again, I think part of it is not knowing where to go for the information. I think like part of the anxiety for at least many of my male clients is that they don't necessarily know what works for their partner. The partner doesn't know what works for them. So they're doing some stuff, they're not sure if it's working or not. And then we're shooting in the dark. So I think that's good to have skills that's also.

I've been really trying so hard to solve that problem. Like, what if your partner don't know what she wants and you know what to give her? And like where do you start? So I come up like. So the sex hacking method is using data as in like all these other research on preference. Start with the lowest hanging fruit. Like most people would enjoy this. So I would say like just like most men would love to head up their penis stroke, make sure you touch the clitoris. So there's a method of figuring out and it's kind of like, you know, when you go into Vegas, you know, card counter, when they pay poker, they're betting at the highest odds on each hand. So I systematically teach it that you don't, if you don't know where to start, try the lowest hanging fruit first. And then there's a process of elimination. So although I don't want to talk about this stuff, it sounds really advanced, but that's why I do actual demo. It's not like I want you to read a book. I want you to imagine I teach you like a TED talk like lecture and I actually show you demonstrate it and then you could actually see how it's done.

And I think they can the book even only the book. I haven't done the program but the book has great kind of as you said, like, like scan like the QR code that you can scan and see things which is very, very cool and unique and advanced for what you would think in the book. So I bet our listeners are curious about where can they get a hold of you, your book, your program. Tell us more about that.

You could go to kenofplay.com and where my book and my sex hacker pro course which is has over 9 module, over 70 plus videos and 12 hours of content. I literally like here's wording, here's all the basic. And then you get more advanced as you, you know like a skill tree building kind of way. And the book is kenneth play.com book which is unfortunately shadow banned from Amazon right now. I know it's considered as a sex item so adult items, I'm fighting it. I'm also submitting my book to asac. And see if they, they will promote a book. Because a lot of. I work with a lot of different sex sex therapists and they all is struggling with translating. Okay. Like I. This is what you actually do in the bedroom. So I wanted to create a. The content to. For therapists to use because that's why I went in such length with the science. You know, I don't want this like here's all the research, here's all the, all the reference because I, I want, you know, this is what I've been really struggling with. You know, with sex ed. Just like I talk in the fitness industry, I don't think most people care so much about the information. Like they don't just want to be informed, they want to able to transform their body, their fitness experience. So I went on this crazy journey on how to teach people. Not teach people, but help people acquire the skill so they could experience the best sex they could possibly imagine. And translating that into how do you actually experience it? That's the, that's the part that I really like and I love working with other. Other sex professional to bring that to life. Like you could have a breakthrough, but you still need to do it in the bedroom. So I want that bit to work. Yeah.

I think it's wonderful that you're thinking about partnering with sex therapists, psychologists because before I became ASA kind of certified doing their training, I did nine years of graduate program. I had one course, one. One semester, one course couple sex therapy. That was it. And it was more on what is different challenges people have. There's just nothing about the skills and kind of like things that are. Can be helpful. Right. It's just. I think it's very helpful if people have the strategies that are based on research. Because there are things that people claim and maybe they experience it, but there's not necessarily strong research behind that. So I think if there is something that is research based like what you offer and it can be very helpful for therapists to give people those tools, share those tools. Because again, sexual skills definitely is not something that as a psychologist therapist you learn in graduate programs. So I think it's wonderful to have resources to direct people to.

Thank you.

So people can get your book, they can get your program. Do you have any social media account that they can follow?

I use my Instagram mostly so. But tenepplay.com and you can find me on Instagram and all my content and I have a pretty extensive blog with tons of free content I really want to share with the world, like how I kind of overcome my sexual insecurity. And I have seen radical transformation from people who struggle most of their lives with their sexual experiences. And what's something so beautiful about sex that is different than fitness? When I try to change someone's fitness life, it takes a freaking long time, you know, because they have to adhere to a lifestyle for a really long time. When it's sex, if you could just dial in in the right condition, even if you have. I have seen people with lifelong trauma, right. If they could just learn to overcome that by actually relaxing in the moment and be mindful and create enough trust and create up enough a container to feel something new when someone finally asks for the right sensation. Right. And learn how to calibrate in their partner. And the partner don't change at the last second because she's excited to do something else. You could learn how to have like phenomenal, like from just having more reliable orgasmic experience to have peak experience that you never thought was possible. So I just hope more people invest in their sex education, acquire the skills so they can experience it in their body and share that with their partner.

Beautiful. The link for the information will be in the show. Note. Thank you so much, Kenneth for joining us. Thank you for being generous with the information and hopefully we're going to have you back in the show in the future.

Thank you.

I hope you found our conversation meaningful and you got some actionable tips that you can implement tonight. If you are a vulva owner and you would like to get access to a free list of resources that will help you to experience psychological arousal, I have a gift for you. I created this list of the books, podcasts, movies that my clients found arousing and erotic throughout the years and I create a PDF so all you need to do is to go below this video, download the list and let me know how it works. You can always email us at help@oasistocare.com. i'll talk to you next week right here.