Sex Expert Reveals What Women Actually Crave (It's Not What You Think)

All right guys, it's time for the Next Level Guy Show. A men's interview, interest and improvement focused podcast featuring interviews with the greats from all industries to help you better your life. Each week a new episode features an interview with one of the greats covering all aspects of their story, from life hacks to tips and protocols that have allowed them to live life on the Next level. We then highlight concrete action steps that you can use to improve your life. And now your host, Ian Dawson Makai.

And today's guest is Kenneth Play. Kenneth is an international sex expert and sex educator. Named the world's greatest sex hacker by GQ, he's been featured in over 100 media outlets. Kenneth has been a guest lecturer on female sexual pleasure and his work has helped millions of men gain lasting confidence and competence in the bedroom. Askmen.com described Kenneth's most recent course as having at least one nugget of sexual learning you've almost certainly never encountered before, if not several. He's an Asian immigrant with an average sized penis is how he often introduces himself who lived most of his early life with crippling sexual insecurity. Determined to overcome this anxiety, he dedicated his life to studying the complexities of academic sex research along with exploring the mysteries of Tantra, immersing himself in the forbidden world of bdsm, and even joining the lustful chaos of underground sex parties. His quest worked and today GQ calls Kenneth the world's greatest sex hacker and Men's Health call him the Orgy king. And he's now ready to tell you exactly what he's learned. In beyond his new book, Kenneth shares the sex hacking secrets he successfully taught to millions of men. This book is like a cross between Bruce Lee's mixed martial arts approach and Tim Ferrissey's 8020 rule. But for sex, far from being just another find her clitoris guide Beyond Satisfied distills hard signs and hands on experiences into techniques that any man can successfully put into practice. In this book you'll learn scientific secrets that unlock her hidden orgasmic potential and gauge a huge array of skills that.

Will get you results.

Right now you will learn how to overcome performance anxiety like a world class athlete. Fulfill her naughtiest fantasies by understanding her erotic mind. Curate a 90 minute orgasmic experience, Fuck like a beast with any size penis. Help her experience squirting for the first time. With the system in this book you can transform your sex life beyond what you thought was possible, beyond mind blowing, beyond connected and beyond satisfied. And now let's get to the interview.

Well, thank you so much for coming back on. You were a star of number 83. And once I knew you had your new book coming out, I knew I had to get you back on. But for a quick refresher, those who maybe don't recognize the star that you are, could you give a quick introduction?

Well, I wouldn't necessarily call myself a star, but my name is Kenan Pillay. I am a gq. Called me the world's greatest ax hacker. But what really happened is I learned to overcome my own sexual insecurity and learn so much about female pleasure that I accidentally became a world expert. And because I taught fitness for a really long time and I applied the same fitness model in teaching sex. But more than anything, I think what I really help my clients do is to adapt a growth mindset to sex. That sex is something they could learn, they could master just like learning how to cook and any self imposed limitation. And it's not necessarily true, you know, and I think a lot of people suffer that think they're sexually broken. And what I really want to do is help them find the sexual confidence by increasing their competence in this arena. And they could live the happiest sex life that you know that is perfect for them.

Yeah, I love it. I mean, I love the way that you focus the book on the female pleasure. You know, we don't see that much in especially the pickup scene nowadays. So was that the inspiration to make a kind of powerlifting manual for the to level up her sex life?

Yeah. You know, it's funny, I've been watching all. I've been doing some deep dive on what their pickup artist community become in 2022. And it's fascinating how technology and the philosophy have evolved. But I don't think that is the solution because what it ultimately creates is you try to game a very difficult situation where no one is happy, you know, like it. People don't end up being happy that way. If there are you are taking advantage of their situation on the environment you're in, I think we could collectively do better. And one of, one of the key things that I think is really powerful for, for any straight men who love women who wants to be in relationship, love, love to have sex with them. And is that if you're really good in bed, it makes a huge difference. So there's the part that, you know, a lot of guys focus on getting them into bed and then you're absolutely awful when you actually do it. It's like you do all the restaurant promotion when your food is garbage. It's kind of crazy. So, so I, I think one of the beautiful thing about being really good in bed or having a really good restaurant and when your food is good, the line will build you, you know, so I rather.

And you know, it's. If it's a meal's good, they're going to keep coming back again and again. And I was really surprised there wasn't such like, this is a phenomenal piece of work. You know, you've got a very detailed. There's a lot of scientific papers to back up what you're saying in it. But you mentioned you, you know, you struggle with dyslexia and you get really kind of very open about your own sex life and for you sees your past mistakes and you know, a woman and stuff. Was it cathartic in a way, did it help you come to terms with that? Because I love how we can connect with material better. Because you give a personal example.

I think I've been feeling. I thought, you know, when I became a sex educator, one of the biggest challenges, overcoming your own internal sexual insecurity and shame. What I really want to share with my audience is how I personally overcome those things. Especially when you think about it. I talk a lot about Cock's eyes, that one. You think you are born with it. And then you. And overcoming that internal struggle and showing people there's light at the end of that tunnel and the, the signs that backs it up. I think it. My intent is to, to be vulnerable enough so that people could see themselves climbing out of that hole. Because that is a dark insecurity that could like never be filled if you don't work through your own personal shame with it or, or insecurity around it. And then there's so many men out there that I know that so fixated on how big they are, how hard they could get and how long they could last. And that's the only thing they think of themselves as a lover. And that is. It's such a terrible sex myth, believe me. Like, women are not complaining that guys dick don't work. They are complaining of how they, how.

They, how they use it.

And statistically, you know, most penises, most vagina. And you know, that's why I really want to overcome those myths. But as far as their experience for me is concerned, in many ways throughout this whole process of becoming a sex educator, it helped me overcome all those things along the way. I thought it was really worth sharing that story. And you know, the reason they call me a sex hacker is that like my dyslexia is really bad and I have to figure out a way to write this book. And it took me a lot longer than an average person because I can't read it the same way. So I have to use a lot of software to have it read it back to me. It's like painting colorblind so people have to describe the color to me. So I have a scribe that you know to be and a research assistant and people really helped me.

With the.

Language itself and so I could make sure that I express my idea correctly. But it's so tedious to do this over and over again. I'm really proud of the end results and I found a way to hack. Writing a book when you don't have.

That skill or that ability, I mean it is phenomenal. The level of detail and connection, building confidence going into consent. You know, you don't just show us how to be like a legend of a lover. You show how to actually connect with your partner. So why do you think guys struggle with sex? You know, why do we stick to the one trick pony? You know, I'm not letting her see me in this form. I can't ask her about her orgasms. Why do you think we struggle to be open and honest? And how do we use this book along with your amazing hands on other series like your sex hacker series.

I don't think is guys fault in some way because there is like a nature and nurture problem, right? So the nature part is that of course we want to impress our partner, right? Like that's how selection happens. Nature is kind of cruel. So we have to pretend that we know how to do something when we were never taught how to do it. And what really blows women mind is to have experience dating, even though it's possible. But we are never taught how to communicate. We're never taught the techniques. So there's this expectation. So their byproduct is some guys have to develop a crazy ego, right? So it's self soothing not to find out if she had an orgasm or not. You know what I mean? Or they pretend not to care so they don't have to feel the pain of that experience. So I don't think men are inherently evil. And I don't, you know, I think a lot of. Unfortunately there's a cultural shift, you know, in that information. And also there is this desire to be really awesome, right? But you're not taught at the same time. So it's very difficult.

I mean you talk in the book about how sex is not just a physical act. It's an emotional connection with a partner. How you know they can cry, how they can scream out for their deities and things like that, you know, when they get good sex. How do we get this through to guys? I mean you have some amazing QR codes that you can scan to see the see how to do each amazing thing. But how do we get guys to understand, to stop focusing on the porn? You know, it's not the penetration because you've said it's like learning to drive by watching the Fast and the Furious. You know, if you try watch porn to get better lover. How do we get through to guys that there's plenty more things you can do than just grind and hope for the best.

It's unfortunate because porn have such a like huge impression to the amount of consumption that we all have. So we have this like framework of what it should look like because of like just the frequency and consistency of exposure. But their porn actresses are not expressing authentic reaction. Like everybody is pretending and acting. But we although our logical mind understand but what we expect and what we feel is completely scared. Like how many times you watch a fast food commercial and you look at that burger and it's fucking beautiful. And you know that shit is fake. Just like fake boobs. Like our system is so easily full, right? Like we know is a bag of silicone in there, but it still works for our brain. So I think it takes, I think it's harder in modern time for people to get better in bed because there's so many misinformation. Even if you could clearly see as bullshit, you still can help. It is one of the fundamental problem that we struggle in 2022. The other side is that if the guy never have mind blowing connected sex right Then they don't know what they were missing. It's like if you never taste a real tomato or a real egg that is not factory farm, you actually don't know what it is. How am can be So I really want guys to be introduced or people to introduce to this experience that they're robbing themselves off. You know, there's a difference between the metaverse versus real life. They just haven't really experienced it yet.

You know, because I really like in the book how detailed each section is. It's how like you use the five second rule when discussing consent, you know, to explain to people how what consent truly is and how to take it and how they can make sure your partner know they can change their mind. And you talk through what's acceptable, etc. Why do you think like how do you build that connection outside the bedroom to make it great in the bedroom? Because you go into a lot of good stuff in the book, but how do you start building these amazing connections with your partners so they can't be open?

Yeah, I think the first thing is that the golden rule that I put on the consent bit is that you are prioritizing her wellness, right. Above all, like what's good for her. And if she, if you genuine about this thing, then you're earning trust and people feel safe and then connection built starting from there. Because if you, as long as you're trying to get one over people or you're trying to get something from someone, right. Like you ever go to this networking thing, people just want to get something from you. Oh yes, you can from there, right. So if you in, you're in a relationship where you're focusing on what you could give, right. And you hoping that you trust that reciprocity will come back to you, that's a really great place to start, in my view. And the second part is that when you discover what she really like, what really arouses women, you'd be so surprised how good the sex is. You know all the novels, if you shade a gray, all those sexual fantasies, do you think it's written by men or women?

Women.

Exactly. So all the filthiest fantasies that you could possibly think of is mostly female centric, that that's what most men don't understand. So if they want to have like the best sex go into women's psyche is way more like it's way more delicious and rich and full then I don't think most, there's not that many great erotica written by men for that reason. So there's a wealth of like beauty in that.

So how do we explain to guys that this isn't a slap against your masculinity? You know, to lose the ego and to, to embrace the book because you go into meta learning newer science, you really give some amazing examples how to really connect and blow each other's minds. But how do we get guys to lose ego in the first instance, but also to make women understand that they deserve great sex, that they're not to just pretend because the guy's after what he wants, that you're actually going out to connect and whatever it takes to help each other get the pleasure they deserve.

It's actually not about, in my view, it's not really about the guy losing his ego and humble himself. Like it's it's really. A lot of times guys are already pretty good. They want to learn, they want to have a competitive advantage. It's like game recognizing. So if you want to develop as NBA player, you do look at other NBA player and see how they play the game and you come up with your own style. So when I teach other, like, as you could see from the book, I'm not teaching you to be more like me. I'm giving you a framework for you to develop who you are as a lover.

Yeah.

And how you improve your game. So I'm discussing the game rather than you suck. You should learn from me. That was never my position. So when, when other men pick up my book, when they actually read it, they realize I'm talking to them. I'm not talking at them, I'm not talking down at them. I'm sharing information on how I overcome those lessons. Like, where did I go wrong? And then I realized those insight. And then if people are nerdy, they will love it because I'm so practical and technical. Like, I skip a lot of the fuff and go like, this is exactly how you do it. I don't, I don't, I don't give you, like, I'm so literal because I taught fitness before. I'm gonna show you a squat. And this is how you squat and this is the center of gravity and this is how you position your body. So I think that's one thing that a lot of my students been telling me. I go like, I wish they taught sex this way. Like everything is like in concept. I teach them like literally how to do something. And I think they really appreciate that.

Because I love, like, I'm a big Tim Ferriss fun. And I love how you go into deconstructing skills. You use neuroscience to, to back up the data, you link it in with scientific papers and then, you know, you're talking about minimum effective doses to get success. You know, it's like, it is phenomenal how everything's backed up with science, but it's also explained in a, in a very supportive and confident way. How do we use like meta learning and neuroscience to enhance the pleasure of our partner and their orgasms.

You know, and also this is, this is, this is so hard for me. When I wrote this book, I really picked out the like 20% that gives you 80% of the result. Like, this is the best part. Like, there's so much I wanted to teach, right. But then the book will be too long and it doesn't work. I really Picked out the best neuroscience that you like. This is the things that you need to understand that you're going to have unfair competitive advantage over your, your friends. If you just understand how that system work, then you have like godlike power if you get it. So why I love it so much on the neuroscience part is that if you understand like, like internal orgasm, right? Every guys want their dick to be the key to the lock, right? But they have to understand the level of arousal and also pressure. Like women respond to pressure better than fiction. So if you could, if you understand the fundamental principle on how those orgasm work and you edge her all the way there, you could learn how to unlock any, like use your key to unlock anything if you figure it out. So, so I really put in that, that science to help people go to a pretty advanced level. So you could go from beginner level to combine all the systems together.

Because you do say that in the book.

It's.

You could have the most amazing technique possible, but if your partner's not aroused, it's worthless, it's pointless. So why do you think guys will come in and say okay, that worked for my last partner, but it's not working for her. I'm not changing up, I'm staying at what I know works. How do we calibrate with new partners? Because you talk in the book about listening to the change in her breathing, listen to the noise she makes, look at the facial expressions. How do we start going into these micro expressions and picking up on the new signs to know if a partner's enjoying it, what we need to do. Because you use a great example about how to finger them to get them aroused. How should we use this to learn how a partner likes to be touched and aroused, etc.

Well, the first thing is that you have to learn how to feel. And the feeling is not just feeling her, but feeling your own body. Like are you hearing the sound that is coming out of her? Are you feeling the subtle change in. It's like reading erotic cues. And I think the primal part of us, like the hunter and tracker in us, that part hasn't been worked on a bit. You know, like we only recognize sign from a computer screen. Like we only see the notification. So we respond to notification. But we don't use our physical body as much our senses the way we used to. So I think there is underdeveloped in some way not using those tools. Because you know your notification on your phone is goddamn is clear, right?

Yeah.

But you have to learn how to feel the subtle changes like people who are good hunters, they could hear the wind move and where the deer is moving directionally because they develop that sixth sense. So but it's not that hard. So I really break it down on what to pay attention to. The second thing is that if you pay attention just that you care and you pay attention, she be mind like she mind blown from there, that you notice what she's experiencing and you care and that start the reciprocity loop between two people. And there is two different things. There is proprioception. Like you could feel what's outside of you. Like how you and interoception is what you feel inside your body. You know, sometime when you know people are lying but you just like there's no sign real. Like you see a little bit but you feel it in your body that your spidey sense. So there is a spidey sense for sex as well. And once you develop it, then it's kind of a superpower. And then the last, the last part of your question, why being a one trick pony? Because everybody have their unique pleasure wiring. Just like people have different preference on food based on their genetic and their culture. Like what food they grew up in. So that will be their byproduct of how this person developed their sexual preferences and what turns them on and their sexual history. So of course you can feed the exact same meal to everybody and hoping they will like it. But when you make some delicious meal, most people will like it. So you could. So there is that variance, you know.

Because I love that bit in the book where you said it's, you know, you wouldn't use the GPS to your ex girlfriend's house to find your new girlfriend's house. So why would you use the same exact techniques to go there? But how do we get the girl.

Sorry, go ahead.

But how do we get them to kind of understand that we're not just out to, you know, wham, bam, thank you. How do we get them to understand is like we want to, you know, like expand your pleasure as much as ours. That we want them to be open and honest and tell us the fetishes, the desires. When things are not working to look at. Is it like a sex lab that we've created between us that this is all about mutual benefit and pleasure, not just what we're getting.

The mutual pleasure is so mind blowing. I think guys are so underestimate. They trying to like steal a snack when they could have the restaurant. Do you know what I mean? Love it, you know, when you really truly open her sexuality up and you open yours. Like the range of possibility is remarkable. And when you get to play at that level between two people, the experience is transcending for a lot of borderline spiritual for a lot of people. You really get to reveal who you are and you really get to see that person. And the connection is really mind blowing.

So.

But it is a longer investment. That's what it comes down to because it's a little bit of the marshmallow test, it's a little bit of a delay gratification. But what you get in return is so abundant, it's indescribable.

Because I know.

That from my own kind of experiences. Like some girls will say, I've never had a guy want to go down.

On me so much.

And I was like, what? It's like, I don't, I don't get why girls seem to be taught that. It's like they've just got to try get as much pleasure from it as they can or they've got to fake it not to hurt the guy's feelings. You know, that they're almost like second class when it comes to sex. And it's anything but. And it's, it really annoys me just that there's so many selfish lovers out there. And I think this is the great thing about the book is you're showing people how sex can be next level when you actually think about the pleasure you're given. But how do we stop cock blocking ourselves? You know, how do we avoid letting that voice in our head saying, no, no, you know, you're not worth it. You know, you're small penis, you're this, you're that. Because you know, you go in a great detail about like the penis length and different vagina sizes, etc. But how do we stop that little voice in her head that says, really, you think you're going to satisfy her? You know, how do we stop ourselves up before we've even got in bed?

The good news is that you don't need to stop it. And those voices never go away for, for anybody Great too. Like you don't think, you don't think Michael Jordan have a moment of doubt. You know, he trained himself. It's not like he's, he doesn't feel those things. I think great athletes and great champion learned to work with that voice in their head. But the thing about competency is that when you have real competency and you know what you're actually doing is very different. When you play basketball, you are Michael Jordan playing Basketball or Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen. Like it feels completely different. But you never go to get there if you let that voice rob you from expanding your, your, your skill, your skill level and your competency. But once you get it, boy, if you talk about satisfaction, I talk about beyond satisfy, right? As in many ways is about the part about giving her pleasure. But it's so satisfying when you know what the fuck you're doing and you doing it like for the person who's doing it. So it's not, it goes both way.

Because I love how like detailed is and there's like the angles to show you of where of how to put your finger, the level of pressure to put in. Then you click onto the QR codes and it takes you exactly there. But you don't just go into how to make them orgasm or how to give them, how to make them squirt and stuff. You know, you go into things like aftercare, which is almost like most, you know, most guys seem to think it's oh, go get something to eat after. But I love how you talk about the goddess baths. You talk about make, you know all the emotion that's built up during sex and the connection, how you need to be there for each other, how you can connect better after it and after, after the act. How do we start using aftercare? You know, how do we implement after care to make sure that we're connecting better afterwards.

I also think it's that sometime like men think we're doing those tricks just for, for women like to give them aftercare. It's really about completing their entire experience of connecting with someone and their level of generosity from the other side. I don't know how many guys have gotten a blow job from a woman that you just gave her the best sex of her life. That blowjob is very different than the blowjob that she would give you in a normal circumstances. So it's really about you being awesome. You know, in some way is the real hero's journey. When you are really earned admiration that you're receiving, it's a completely different experience. And, and all the emotional connection. Men need aftercare too if they have a mind blowing sexual experience themselves. It just reciprocity is what it really is. But I think some of the deepest moving experience that we could have is to sexual connection. And when you are able to, it's not just like, it's not one way, right? Like giving and then receiving sometime a flip, sometime you are doing it, you are doing it for it because it's pleasurable for you. So I use Betty Martin's Wheel of Consent example. So all those experiences is not just you giving someone this experience. You could get something out of it. Right. And there is something really beautiful about their balance between selfishness and selflessness in sex. So some of the most beautiful experience is very selfish and some of the most beautiful experience is selfless. So is there, it's a dance between those two, like more of a yin yang philosophy. And so I'm not teaching guys to only be selfless. Right. But it's not only be selfish, it's just, they're just a flow of that energy. Like you give your partner experience that she never had before, she be the most open, like please use me for your pleasure. Like they be in that zone and it's so hard and it's on this place that I don't think a lot of men have experienced before. When it's, when it's genuine.

And then how, how do you give that sort of sex positive mindset? How do we encourage them to be open, honest to, you know, to trial different things to say the thing that you know, the, that they've really wanted to not feel the need to fake orgasms to like you're saying, to just that share that energy, be open, honest in the moment and feel safe to explore themselves and their, their pleasure.

I think it's all really comes down to more than what you say is how you behave, like what you do, you know, if you show up that way and you being that way. I don't know if you ever met people who are really genuine and they're good. Like there are certain people with certain leadership skill that it just creates that following like, like or you know, someone who is really supportive, you go like wow, that people are really looking out for me. Those experiences we are hardwired to feel. So we, we tend to make it more complicated than what it is. And, and, and funny enough by just teaching people how to be real. Like don't pretend like if you really don't care about her pleasure, she will sniff it out. Right. Eventually if you're genuinely caring about her pleasure. I think also in my experience, women are so incredibly generous when you are generous to them. You know, a lot of the time, not always, but often enough that is worth the bet. So I just think that bet is worth taking.

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Because in the book I mean you talk about creating a play lab where you can experiment and have fun and enjoy yourselves and you know, build a practical hands on experience but just take all the drama out of it, you know and just have fun with you and your partner or partners. How do we start working on our skills? How do you know? Because Tim ferriss in the four hour body he talks about giving a 15 minute orgasm to a girl and getting her to lie back and say this is nothing to do with me, this is all about you. You know, try get into the mindset. How do we start getting them to understand that they don't have to give because we've given. This is all just finding what makes us enjoy ourselves.

Yeah, it's that whole dance between being selfish and selfless. And the other part is the idea of a play lab is that I spend a lot of energy on their. How do people actually acquire skills and learning? So you got to have some time where there's lap time where you're practicing something versus you feel like you're on stage doing something. So if you could separate those time where there's less at stake. Right. Like you are just here to try things out and then when you get a place where you could try things out they feel like also your partner want to try things out too. It's not just like you going to try something on her, she more likely want to try something on you. So is this is creating a, a container and negotiating a container. And I gave very specific skills on how to negotiate as well on the book. Like this is how you could potentially talk about it. This is how you bring things up. So there's a lot of practical framework that I give people on how to, to initiate that process. And I think the other thing is most, I think a lot of people when they try to bring those things up right with the right attitude and not placing your ego on it. Most people are pretty receptive to it, you know.

And do you think there's like since COVID that we've kind of lost a lot of people had lost the connection and now we're kind of understanding the importance of people in our lives so is this a perfect time to use your book, do you think?

I. I think there's a perfect time to. This is always a perfect time to level up your. Your life skill. And I think sex skill is one of the life skills on how you relate to people. And I think people are having a tough time just feeling connection like belonging and. And those deep emotion that we used to feel like now our. We have reduced our connection to see how many followers we have on Instagram. And that is not. Yeah, that is not the measure. And you know, ultimately I really want men and women to really feel the genuine connection that is. It hasn't been hijacked by tech tech company. And once you feel it, you. The craving will be there because it's wire in us, you know.

So is there a way that we can sort of gauge arousal or is it so unique to the person? Are there sort of key things that guys should start looking out for with their partner? You know, like is it blood flowing to the labia? Is it the breathing become more rapid? Because it's really difficult not to go into techniques and stuff in the book because I think everybody needs to check this out. But are there certain golden rules that you think all guys need to remember when it comes to sex and building arousal?

Well, I think I lay out their erotic cue quite a bit. Right. So there's signs. So sound, right? Movement, breath, you know, words they say. Depends on how verbal the person is. But ultimately it's like being a comedian. You could feel the audience, but problem is like we just tell jokes and don't look if people laugh. You know, that's the problem with like, like sex. Like they are doing an act, right, but they just not checking in with the audience, they're not looking. And when, when there is no, like when you see there is like no, no feedback. Like that person is like a dead fish there, you know, there that is actually a signal. Like that's quickens and that signal is. That is not funny. So. So that's usually one sign. Although in some cases when, when they're fully aroused and they're about to come, some of them go dead silent for a period of time, like 30 seconds to a minute. So those are individual, but usually the signs are pretty clear and pretty universal.

And is our sexual confidence linked to our personal confidence? If we become happier, healthier, more confident people, does it kind of, you know, does it open up our confidence in our sexuality and understanding of ourselves, do you think?

I think it works in both way. The more confident you are in other arenas in your life, of course go to help, but that's one of the things that you cannot outsource because you could be Jeff Bezos in the boardroom, but it doesn't mean that you are the king in the bedroom either. You know, it does not, it does not transfer. So. And you don't want. I, I mean, I, I gotta kind of turn on by group sex. But most people don't want to outsource their. Outsource their sexual to another person. This is where it really comes down to your personal connection with that person. You know, like your secretary cannot buy you that gift. You know, it is one of those things that you, you want to kind of master. So. Yeah, it does not. But the things that actually build confidence is competence. Because, you know, it's like you don't even. Like, David Chappelle doesn't need us to tell him anymore that he's funny. Like, is there, you know, so, so because of what he can do over and over and over again. And that is something so pleasurable that I wish more people know, like, what is like to have that experience in the bedroom. And I'm telling you from a guy who was such a shit show in the bedroom and transformed that it's not like I always felt that I was a porn star is easy. Like, I was like, people would stop dating me and fucking me because my sex is so horrible. To turn that around is what I have gone through because you've done this.

Amazing transformation and you couldn't imagine you as the person you describe in the book. And that's what I love about it is, like, you're so open and honest and vulnerable about saying, this is what I did. This is how I fucked up a threesome. This is how I was hiding my penis because I was worried it was too small. And then you know how you break it down? All the crap, the bullshit the guys hold and we go, oh, no, I can't do that because of this. And you're going, well, this is what I found. Here's the evidence to back it up. Here's the data that disproves it. Get on. How should we use the book? How should we go forward and take this and go perfect? You know, even if. Can we do this if we're single? Can we do this with like, people we've met, one nighters, things like that, sex parties. How do we start implementing these new skills in our life?

I think that's why I broke it down more like a video game, like tutorial so you could start leveling up each skill. Like you could level up your finger game, your penetration game, your anal game, to your kink game, to your multiple orgasm game. And then the more skill that you develop, you become more prolific, you know, as in your repertoire of skills you have. And she doesn't even know what hit her as she develops. But ultimately you need some foundational skill, and that's just the foundation itself. It will put you in the top 1%, right, because most guys just either play with their partner, like their last girlfriend or whatever last success was, or they just like close their eyes and basically like put earplugs and blindfold on and tell jokes like as a comedian and not hear any feedback, you know, like they're legend in their own mind. So they are if they start to see. And unfortunately, you know, some women fake it. You know, they don't want, like, they like you enough that they want to keep their relationship but don't want to tell you how. Like, you know, they don't want to hurt your ego, right? So there's that too.

I think it's sad then that some people are willing to sit there and what should be this primal, deep connection act where you both hit some level of, you know, like nirvana that some people are willing to just go, yeah, I'm just, I don't get orgasms, you know, I take too long. And the book is so great because it's going to start breaking down that stigma that women feel, you know, that they, they can't get an orgasm in. They can't. They've got to rush it or guys are too selfish or all these kind of things, you know, the book explains to guys how they can be better lovers, how we can connect better. But what was the proudest part of it for you? You know, Was there a favorite part that you enjoyed writing the most?

I think the most vulnerable part was the consent bit, you know, and really talk about that whole experience. And I'm not talking there from a high horse, you know, it's like, how do you navigate and go do that? Because human relationship is complicated. I think talking about some of the lessons I learned, like you said, where I learned from my own mistakes, you know, like, I thought I was, I thought I was a legend learning one, like one squirting skill. And then you realize that, oh, you just a one trick pony. And then your ego is attached to it. So everything that most people do, I probably done it myself. So I'm not telling you from. I never make those same mistake. I Just really focus on how I overcome those and the insight I got. And I think there's second the other thing that I'm really proud of, maybe not specifically. Well there it just. Okay, that's one part that is probably too nerdy for people to appreciate. But I went super nerd level to hack freaking 2D diagram in black and white by creating all those QR code, all those additional information to have a more high tech print book, you know that, that has a lot more a different learning model and a teaching model and substitute content. So I'm really proud of that technical innovation. And I think the part that I'm most proud of is 35 to 40% of my audience is women. They buy my book and that is a very hard thing to achieve. Go get a bunch of women to buy pickup book, you know. Yeah, so that's a, that's a surprising statistic for me when I figure out like mostly most women are hey. And the other thing I learned is and this is a gross generalization and super focus on hero couple. But most women don't want to teach their guy how to them right. It's not a turn on for most, most women. So they want me to do that job, you know, or share some skill with, with other men. And like a lot of women, their joke is that I be having what she's having. Like that's, that's the level of communication they like, you know, answer go.

I mean if you could change sex education for schools for like people, everybody growing up, would that be what you would put into it to embrace? Like, because when we did it, it was you don't wrap up, you can have, you can make a baby. Would you want the people to them to talk about masturbation, pleasure, erogenous zones to actually understand that sex isn't dir. It's more than just making babies. There's connection, confidence, this whole different world of sex, this whole sex positive mindset, this whole open side of sex that's very rarely taught to kids when we're younger.

Well, I have so, so much opinion around that topic. Like the first thing is that I think there is life skill that everyone should learn when they're young because that's really shaped their experience. Like things like understanding nutrition, like understanding basic fitness stuff like how do you get stronger, how do you lose body fat, how do you get strong, how do you get muscle? Like all those things if you learned it when you're young, like how do you crave more flexibility to how this pledge just talk about the Subject like a matter of factly. Right. How do you become a person who's better at studying? Because most people never learn how to study. Right. Those things I think just life skills that every young person could really benefit for the rest of their life. Especially like from the neuroscience perspective, your earliest sexual experience really inform your brain and its development on what sex is. And if you start out things being difficult, it will continue to be more difficult. So and it is not inherently difficult, we just fuck it up. So I wish most people would learn to have pleasurable, mutual, satisfying sex whenever they're ready in their life early so they could have that as a reference point, as a baseline rather than deal with all the sexual problems that I see in my clients. That is so unfortunate and so unnecessary.

And that's the thing into a lot of it's so unnecessary. It's. We've let social, economic factors or like family pressures and stuff or this bullshit thing of you must have kids by this time, you must be married by this time. And you know, we've, we let society dictate not what we and our partner want to do in life. I know we're coming up to our time, but how would you want people to use the book going forward? Is there a good way for them to use the book? Should we just use it as a pick and mix of the skills we're trying to improve or are there key areas you think every guy listening should go? That's my first chapter. I mean it's all phenomenal.

Yeah, I hope the guy, I hope sincerely they took invest in themselves to learn how to express themselves sexually. You know, it's just more than just learning another squirting technique. Although those things are awesome. How to give people like a expanded continuous 90 minute orgasm, orgasmic experience. Those things is absolutely in my view worth knowing. But more than anything, it help people overcome a lot of bullshit. Like I thought because I don't have a porn star size penis, I'm sexually worthless. So I just see so many people walking around like I'm average height, I'm five nine, five feet and nine inches in the US and that's pretty like universal average height among the human population. But most people when it comes to penis size, they will walk around like I am four, you know, four feet five. Like the psychological aspect of it. So if anything, if people could get rid of some of those sexual myths that ruin life, ruin so many people's sex life. And then I seen so many, you know, women who have unmeat unmet sexual needs that it could be so easily solved. And I just really wish people understand it's really easy to solve that and everybody be happy. Like most women having sex with straight guys, like going to a restaurant and not getting their meal is kind of crazy. You know.

It'S stupid when you think about it like how so many things could be resolved by just chatting and being open and honest and is that what you want people to take from this that you know, we can use the book to level up our skills and to start being open and honest with partners and to view sexes, you know, to sample the menu rather than stick to your favorite course.

Yeah. And it's also like a. Something that is worth mastering. There's so. And also like I. I talk about it like you gotta spend like your whole lifetime mastering this. This is like equivalent to a car, a college level course. You know, as far as the effort is concerned, if you get an A in this, you basically are acing your entire life in this domain. There was that much effort. But even if you just learn one lesson and use that one lesson tonight, right. Spend 15 minutes on a technique, you will see it will make a huge difference for you. It's like if you it's a guy, watch all the porn in the world and want a partner to have anal sex with you. If you're good at anal sex, like how to introduce anal sex, how to warm up the butt and she have an anal orgasm. Do you think you will get a lot of butt sex for the rest of your life? Right. So, so is that kind of thing.

You know, and until we can get another one in and I mean I'd love to discuss your new project. I don't know if that's something you want to talk about just now.

I want to foreshadow a little bit.

Yeah, I mean how can we. Until we can get another round in and you know, really go into things. How do you want to people to contact you, work with you, use the book, read the book and just keep, you know, use your Sex Hacker series. How can we connect with you and work with you going forward?

Well, the book is definitely complimentary to the Sex Hacker Pro course. So the book is. Is more stories and more a lot of technique. But the video course is teaching you like on videos how I literally do it with real people in a live demonstration. You get to see how apply and then I also shot like you know, show and tell technique to like in game footage. How you literally use in a non instructional setting. So you get to both watch like I'm teaching Steph Curry's jump shot to how he used that jump shot to win the championship. Like I show you all the side so the combination of all those things really show they could come find me@kennethplay.com they could follow me on Instagram and I think those are the two most like easiest places to find me and to and since you mentioned, I want to drop a hint on a new program that I've been releasing soon. It's called Daddy Prime. So I turn I'm 41 right now. I turned 40 doing covet that whole saga. But I got really back to my fitness route and go like I don't want my sex life to go down as I age. So how do I get back into prime shape? You know, for most men in their 40s, they're like at their prime career wise. So you don't want a diminishing sex life while you are kicking ass in life. So I I wrote a fitness book around anti aging, right how to optimize your hormones and have the best sex life when you look like a sex God at the same time. So I hope people check it out too.

Well, that's it for another week and thank you for listening. It's now time to take what you've learned and use it to develop and enhance your life. With the key points mentioned. Listen, try it, embrace it, use it, and crush it. Now's your time to hit that next level in your life. If you like, if you like this episode, then please leave a comment on the show notes or a review of the show on your podcast platform. Everything helps evolve the show. Until next week, keep seeking the next level in your life.

Sam.