Fundraising to Cure Kids Cancer

Welcome to my podcast, The Girl with the Red Door. I'm Kristjana Hillberg, your host. Here you'll get to listen to stories from people who divulge real and raw experiences on all different topics. You get 9 lives on your journey here on Earth. Which one are you living? Hey you! Glad to be back today. Thanks for being here with me. You are going to need some tissues for this episode. My friend Lori agreed to chat with me about one of the shittiest things that happened in her life 15 years ago. We met through her fundraising event that she hosts in Sioux Falls each spring. I was asked to be an aerialist a few years ago and fell in love. I've been a part of the show twice, and last year I got to be an observer. You can't really do twists and drops from an apparatus hanging from the ceiling when you're 6 months pregnant. I know, that was news to me too. It's crazy. All right, here's her story.

I, I am ready for the new year. I had sort of an interesting holiday. I had a— it was actually out there in the hills, and we had— we were skiing at Terry Peak, and I got— I had an accident, and so I blew my knee out. No! Yeah, so now I'm probably gonna end up having a little ACL surgery at the the year.

Oh my word.

So I am just ready to be like, move forward. And it was— I'd love to say I was doing some kind of fun trick, like the— everyone keeps telling me, Laura, you got to tell them you're like trying to land a 520 or something. But I actually got ran over by a 7-year-old, so it wasn't really that glamorous. He just got tangled up and twisted my knee just the right way. Poor little— and like, he got hurt too, but not terrible. He was okay. He was up and moving.

But did you know the little guy, or was it—

no, he just came barreling in and he was He was on a run that was just a lot, a lot for him, and he probably shouldn't have been up there by himself. But boy, he came in like just crazy, and he's like, look out! And I just had no time at all. I just kind of tried to grab him and he just pulled me down with him. Oh my gosh.

So how do you— do you just like— do you have to go to the doctor and do like physical therapy? I'm not familiar with—

not yet. Um, I tore my ACL and my MCL and I dislocated my kneecap. Um, so it happened a week ago yesterday, and so I went in and had like— I've had x-rays and MRIs, and they relocated my kneecap, and I'm in a brace and on crutches for now. Hopefully— my MRI was late Friday. I get it read again, read on Monday, so we'll see. I'm hoping to get rid of the crutches because I've been walking around the house a little bit without them, and I'm doing okay.

What is the healing process like for that, for something?

Um, they said it can be depending on what the MRI shows. So if it's a complete tear, it anywhere from— it can be anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks to like 6 months. No, I, I know I won't be skiing the rest of the season, that's for sure.

Yeah, for sure. Oh my gosh, when I was 18, I like saved up my money. I didn't take any leave from work, and I like waited and waited until peak season, and I was like, okay, it's time. I'm gonna take a Friday off. I have my lift ticket, I have my gear. I was like all set to go. Got up at the top of the hill, first run of the day, went down, tried to like do a, a switch foot. So I tried to switch from my right to my left and I broke my elbow and I was like so pissed.

I was like, you have got to be kidding me. Like I waited, that's terrible.

8 months. Like I saved my money, just bought all of my gear and yeah, it like ruined everything for me. I was so sad. I— it was awful. So I like, I can kind of relate. So this year, when— tell me all about the fashion show. Like, is this the 6th, the 6th annual?

Yeah, this is the 6th year.

Oh my word.

You know, it's amazing. I actually was thinking if I did it for 5 years, I would just— it would be 5 years and then I'd be on to another thing.

Oh my gosh.

Like, you got this.

I'm like, okay.

Well, I'll keep doing it. Now they want to make it bigger. So we've got one more year. We are going to be in the Icon this year, but we might be expanding it next year and bringing it to a bigger venue next year. So it's kind of exciting. But I love the Icon. Icon is just like where my heart is for this, for this event. It just feels— I mean, you've been there, you've been part of the event. So you know that it just, it just makes— it's just such an intimate feel.

It totally, totally is. And I really did love last year how like, well, I was down, you know, in the audience this year and like on a couch and whatever. And I, I see it literally almost feels like you're sitting in someone's really intimate living room with all of your close friends. I don't know. It's, it was incredible. Like it just, it's my favorite. It's my favorite event in Sioux Falls every year. I love, love it.

Thank you. I, you know, it was so different this year because we did the live band last year, this last year we did the live band and we didn't do, um, you know, the aerial acrobats or the, you know, like something that was just more— we, we tend to have sort of, I almost call it like a halftime show, right? We usually have some sort of halftime, halftime show surprise, and we didn't have that this year, and I felt like something was missing. Now everybody, people who had never been there before was like, wow, it was incredible. And people who've been there would be like, yeah, it was great. There's just maybe something like, I can't figure out what it was. And I really think it's a halftime show. So we're bringing that back.

Yeah, you're like, it's the streamers being shot out, it's the rockets.

Oh my gosh, I mean, we've had drumlines on stage before, a complete drumline on stage before. We've had acrobats coming from the ceiling, we've got all these different things. And then last year it was a little bit more like— it was supposed to be more elegant and subdued, and it was, and it was very beautiful. I love the white backdrop. Backdrops last year, the lighting was perfect. It just I don't know, it just— I just, for me, I really draw the energy of when you see the crowd kind of gasp because they didn't know that was gonna happen. Oh, that's my favorite part of the show. Oh yeah, we need that. So we're, so we're gonna bring some— we've got a couple surprises this year that I think we'll, um, haven't done, and it's gonna be pretty— it's gonna be pretty neat.

Oh, awesome. No, I, I absolutely love it. So let's kind of talk about what got you— like, where did this idea come from? How did it happen?

Wow, you know, I hadn't done anything for Cure Kids Cancer in a while. I thought, you know what, I'm gonna use this as my marketing write-off.

Lori has been heading fundraisers for at least 15 years. For the past 10 to 13, she has done all different types of events, concerts, you name it. She started a boutique about 6 years ago and had this idea. She wanted to let people know she'd opened up and maybe debut the clothes to the community. The first year of the El Couture Fashion Show, they raised $10,000. Maybe they should do it again.

So we decided, and the next year we doubled it and went to $20,000.

Oh my word. And this year, I mean, was a major year too.

And so then we went, then we kind of stayed between $20,000 and $30,000, $25,000, and then we hit $32,000, or $30,000 and $32,000, and this last year was our record at like $33,000, just under $34,000. We are limited by space. I love the Icon though. I just can't imagine doing this event anywhere else because it's just a perfect venue for it. I know. There's— we've been in there and there's— it's literally standing room only during the show itself. So yeah, we have to get creative in order to make it an event that raises the kind of money we'd like to raise to make a bigger impact.

Maybe they should— maybe they should think about just widening specifically for the event, you know what I mean? Another 10,000 square feet. Thanks.

They are so fantastic to work with. That's the other thing. I mean, we get their entire venue on a Friday night. And they don't do, they don't do nonprofit events on the weekends. If you notice, most of them are during the week. They're part of the team now. So this year, Taylor and the team at Icon are actually part of the team. They're like, let's redesign the stage. When you come in this year, we're working with Pinnacle and with Icon to kind of recreate, make just to— it needs to be changed up. It's year 6. People need something new and to kind of walk in and go, oh, I didn't expect that.

I can't even wait for that. So That'll be awesome.

Yeah, one of my favorite shows was the one that you were in, the last one that you were in, not this last year, the year before, and with the silks. It was just, it was the most beautiful visually, and the videos, and just gorgeous. It was a gorgeous show from, from looking at it afterwards through the video lens. I was like, oh, I wish I was in the crowd instead of behind stage.

I know, it was definitely different being in the crowd. I think as a performer, you know, you have to kind of like hype yourself up, and we were backstage a lot of the time just getting together our outfits and makeup and, and, you know, doing all of that. And so it was definitely a different feel being out in the audience, and my whole heart was just so overwhelmed. I honestly can't imagine being a performer and being able, like, feeling all of the emotion of the event itself and then trying to get on stage. I would be a complete mess. So it was kind of nice to just sit back and like let it, let myself feel all the feels this year. You know, it was just, it was incredible. So I, I mean, I talk about it literally to everyone. I'm like, have you been to this event?

Like, you have to go.

It's incredible. I brought my mother-in-law last year. She absolutely loved it. We got the bracelets, we wear them all the time. And I just, I love, love, love. Like I said, I can't stop raving about this event, but it stemmed from, I mean, it stemmed from such a huge event in your life and you've, you've just taken, you've taken that event and you've created incredible things from it.

Yeah, I mean, it started out as a fashion show 5 years ago and almost 6 years ago now, and now it's turned— after year 1, immediately I knew it couldn't be just a fashion show. Well, it never was going to be just a fashion show because I needed to honor these kids and honor the moms. I knew that I wanted that element in it, but I always knew that it needed to be more than that because I didn't— I wanted more than just women to come to see clothes and fashion. I wanted them to be connected to the community and also be entertained. The entertainment element has always been, I think, probably the differentiator in our show than others, is that we, we always try to up the ante a little bit. And so somebody said one time, I don't know if I'm going to a circus or a fashion show. And I said, perfect. I said, perfect, because that's what I want you to feel. When you're in the audience. And when you see their faces and you're looking from behind the stage and you see like they gasp or something just shocks them in the show, I thought, then we've done our job. That's exactly the kind of, um, show I want to put on. And now women are bringing their husbands, and it's funny, the last few years it's almost 50% men in the audience, which—

I was gonna say, yeah, last year there was a ton of men. I mean, it was just like you said, it was like half men, half women, and it was awesome.

It didn't start out that way. It started out with maybe like 80% women, and then the few men were like related to us, or, you know, just very few men were there. And then they heard about it and their wives were talking about what such a great show it was. And now even some of our sponsors are companies that are completely run by men— construction companies and landscape companies. And you're— I mean, it's mostly men Because they think the show is entertaining. And I mean, there are beautiful women on stage. That doesn't hurt, I'm sure. But also there's the element of the moms, and the moms bring in families and families who support them too. So they bring in their own crowd that really want to support those moms.

One thing I loved seeing last year was there was this group of 3 little girls. I think that one of them was yours, and they were like right up front just cheering. And it lit— like, my heart was just pulling because I have a 6-year-old and she has come with me, you know, to everything. Even when Ethan and I would be practicing our silk routine, she would come and she would be there and she would always be like, okay, my turn. Like, you know, let's, let's take turns on the silk. And so just seeing those girls there cheering on their moms was just incredible. I mean, you're not just impacting adults, but you're impacting the next generation.

I know. And our show has always been more of an adult show, so we don't usually have kids in the Funny thing is, last year I knew we were going to have more of a family-friendly show, and so my daughter had been begging to come. So she was the one with the little big stuffed unicorn. She was standing at the end of the stage, and she actually ended up getting on stage at some point. Of course, I should have known she would end up on stage. And I remember your daughter. She was— I remember coming in and watching her with you practicing, and she always— she was just so sweet. You know, this takes us away from our family. So the other girls that you saw were daughters of the owners of the Loft Salon.— and a couple of the employees from LOFT. It was their daughters and they were standing out there. They were like, this is what mom, our moms are working so hard on all year long and they never get to see it. They really don't know what it is, but they're interested. And so they were just in awe. Some people, Christopher Rice captured some beautiful photos of those girls and their awe at the end of the stage. And it was so pretty to see after you know, how neat it would be to see. And no, I never had that ability when I was younger, and I think that would have just been such a cool moment. And so it was really a good moment for me. I did not expect my daughter to get on stage. I'm not surprised, however. She's certainly not shy. I get on stage every year. I have to, and it's like terrifying for me. It's not— I'm much more comfortable behind the stage. So for her, she's just like, nope, put me out on stage.

Yeah, she's like, I'm ready for this. Oh my gosh, well, I would have never guessed that about you. You're just so poised and— oh yeah, hearing you speak, I'm terrified, shaking a little bit.

Yeah, I've done it. So I've done it every year and I try to get— it's funny, I've actually tried to get out of it. The Sanford girls, they say, they'll say, it's your show, you can't. I said, but there's so many other moms, let's let them tell their story. And they're like, it's not the same, it's your show. So I know that that's what connects the audience and so I do it, but it's so out of my comfort zone. It's one of those things that I do for that show and for that show only because I don't— it's not something I do regularly. Oh my gosh.

Well, I, I think it's just incredible. So like you said, it's been 15 years ago. Was it in December, right?

So 15 years in December, December 27th in 2003, Jacob passed away. He had— he was— he would be, um, his birthday is January 14th, so he was almost 6 years old, and he had medulloblastoma, which is a brainstem tumor, and he battled for about 10 months. And, you know, before his cancer diagnosis was a healthy kid. He didn't even barely have a head cold, hardly. I mean, he just really was a very healthy kid. So I think that it was such a shocking time, like, for my— for me and my family, just to, you know, this healthy kid now has this rare form of cancer. And then after Jacob passed, I just knew that I had to do something with that grief or I was going to eat me up. Like, I had to do something, but I was like, I don't really want to be an activist, or I don't know that I could, you know, start a foundation or do all of that. So I gradually just started dipping my toe in. And Sanford, they didn't have the Children's Hospital then, they didn't have CareKids Cancer then, but they started to see more and more kids with cancer, and then Denny Sanford, T. Denny Sanford came forward and gave $16 million to build a children's hospital. And I started talking to families about why it was so important to match that $16 million. And it was just like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I just knew that it was a way for me to kind of process my grief. Like I was doing something with it.

Oh yeah. I mean, you've turned your grief into this into a mission and a mission to help and save. And I mean, just, it's incredible. And I actually, I love the quote you shared it a couple of months ago, but it said, grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. And that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go. And I seriously, I'm gonna like cry right now, but it's just when I read that and just knowing your story, I just, it kind of just leaves me a little bit speechless because as a mother, I, I can't even comprehend.

Hey everybody, this is Maya from The MW Projects. I hope you all had a good holiday. And a great start to the new year. Just wanted to hop on here quick and let you know that the shop is back open and ready for new orders. So definitely reach out and let's get connected. Now let's get back to the episode.

So I have this mission now and I'm not done until that mission is done. And I mean, let's face it, there's more kids with cancer every year in our state. That's not— and in the country, but that's not okay with me. And so the more that I can help, I feel like, you know, I don't know, my work won't ever be done, which that's okay.

Oh yeah, no, never. And I think it's funny that you, you know, like maybe the fashion show will only last a couple years, and I'm like, girl, it is like just getting started. Like in my brain, I'm just like, it's gonna just be a yearly thing because you're bringing awareness, you're bringing, you're creating a community. And I love that community of mothers who now has the support group and can truly, because I think sometimes we try and relate to each other and we say, Oh yeah, I totally get it. I, I'm, I, you know, I feel you when we really don't. And I think that it's so incredible that there's now this group of moms who really do truly, they can connect and they do, they are feeling the same feelings, you know?

Yeah. That group of moms is really so important to me. So we had, so prior to doing this show, um, we, you know, I had started a group with another mom in town who had just, her daughter was just diagnosed and she was very, um, sick and probably seen her because she's been a part of the show, Amanda Boer. And Amanda's daughter was going through treatment and she was like, there's just got to be this community of moms. And so we had met a few times and I knew some other moms. And every— it just, it's weird that once your kid's diagnosed with cancer, it's that— I always say it's the unfortunate club that you're a part of. But people will reach out to you, they'll be like, do you know so-and-so because their kid has cancer? No, there's not, you know, Nobody calls me when somebody gets cancer.

Lori wanted to build a community because she's not a therapist, but she knew how important having that support was, so she started a Facebook group.

In 3 weeks, we had 40 parents in there, 40 moms.

Wow, just in Sioux Falls?

I think, yeah, I think we actually had like 38 moms and like 2, and we called it like We had like the worst name ever. It was like the Sioux Falls Area Cancer Moms Group. Oh my goodness. Like the worst name ever. We're like, we need a better name for this.

Yeah.

So, and then there was like 2 dads and they're just in the moms group because they wanted to be a part of this community. And we started meeting, we would have dinners and people would tell their stories. And there was everyone from moms who their kids were just newly diagnosed to moms like me who their kids have passed. And been gone for some years, some who just recently lost their kids, just all over, moms who have children are in remission, some of the best stories. And it was just such a neat dynamic. And we just get together and it was so cathartic. Like they just, we'd be together for, we'd go for dinner and it'd be like 4 hours later and we'd still be in this room just going, how are we? Like nobody wanted to leave.

Right.

Because they all were like, we finally have that group. And so then I started to think when the show came about, I want the moms to be part of it. So the first year I only had a couple moms who were like, okay, you know, most of the moms are like, I'm not getting on stage with modeling, like, are you kidding? So I got a couple moms to kind of be a part of it the first year, and they just kind of blended in with the models. But then I felt like we lost them in the storyline of the fashion show. And for me, I wanted to tell their story just as much as tell their kids' stories because these are strong, courageous women who are walking around in the community that you probably see and never knew what was behind their eyes and what was in their story. So I started to have them walk separately and then tell a little bit of their story each time. And then we started doing some videos and other things to kind of, um, really dive into their stories a little bit more. And then they brought their community with them because their community was already there, right? Their kid, when their daughter or son was going through cancer, or if they're still going through treatment, their whole community has been following their story, right? So they started to bring their— so you're right, the fashion show came from the small event to we can't hold them in the walls anymore.

Right. Which is incredible.

Yeah. Because— but honestly, the moms are why they're a big reason why, because their stories are so compelling and they have this whole community following them already and following their small their child, or their sometimes teenage children, and what they're going through. They want to come and see them. But I— the bravest moment of the night is when those women walk, because most of them will come in scared to death. They don't want to get dressed up. They are not here to be models. They're like, I'm not a model, I'm just a mom trying to survive this crazy, you know, event in my life, or events in our life right now. And so we bring them in and we just pamper them. We really make sure that even when they're being fitted, that it's like a whole day event, and that We really, we try to capture their style and bring something out in them a little bit that they normally do. And I got one of the best compliments from one of the kids who were going through cancer last year. His mom got on stage and he was like, "That's my mom? She looks like a supermodel." He said, "Oh my gosh, she's so beautiful." And he just welled up and he was so like, and her whole family, they, I mean, I think I must have taken 50 pictures with them at the end of the night. She owned it. She was, she was the one that won. She wore one of the two-pieces or the double sets. The double set, yep. And she was, she had the curly hair and she was just, I mean, she owned it. She walked that runway like, I mean, completely owned it. People were shouting and cheering for her. And then they always get a standing ovation, which is, that is my moment. That's my favorite for the whole show is that standing ovation those moms get. Because if you know what they're going through on a day-to-day basis, some of them are sitting in the hospital. They don't even think to do their hair or to get out of sweatpants. So for them to have this whole night where they're dressed up, put on stage, and just kind of honored, I mean, pampered all day. They always talk about, I mean, those girls spend, those women spend the whole day together. We give them gifts, we shower them with gifts, they spend the whole day with other moms who are going through this and then they go out. I mean, they love it. It's like their night for the year, like their night out.

Oh, heck yeah. It is so, so special. And you can tell that just from their faces on stage. And no, I just, I think it's such an incredible thing.

Yeah.

There's this other, another saying, you know, time heals all wounds and obviously that's not the case for you. Time doesn't heal certain wounds. So what has these last— the last 15 years, what has that time given you?

Time doesn't— no, I mean, that saying has always kind of frustrated me because it doesn't. Now I will say time— with time, your grief, you learn to deal with differently. Like if you would have talked to me 6 months in, I would have been in a different place than I am today. Oh, absolutely. But for me, it kind of awakened something in me. I remember when my son was young and he was— I was running him to hockey practice and soccer practice. And, you know, we had this and that. And I was a very, you know, I was— I had a career and my husband had a career and we were busy.

We sometimes complain to our family and friends and use the words, "I have to." "I have to run her here." "We have to go to this game." "I have to take him there." We take things for granted.

When my girlfriends will say, "Oh, I have to run, you know, little..." You know, I have to run my daughter here or my son here. And I said, no, you don't have to. You get to. Coming from someone who's lost a child, they kind of feel, they feel a little bit of guilt when they hear that at first. And that's not my intention. But my intention is to kind of stop them and say, no, you have this opportunity.

Oh, heck yeah. And I usually am not like all about quotes, but for some reason, just like thinking about you and thinking about talking with you, I've mentioned this book before. Do you ever read Cheryl Strayed or have you heard of her quote book Brave Enough? Have you picked that up ever? I was reading through it because I try and read, you know, a few pages each day. And I came across one that I was just like, oh my gosh, I have to share this with Flori. But it says, when you recognize that you will thrive, not in spite of your losses and sorrows, but because of them, and that you would not have chosen the things that happened in your life, but you are grateful for them. That you will hold the empty bowls eternally in your hands, but you also have the capacity to fill them. The word for that is healing. And I was just like, this is so true. I feel like there's some things that happen in our lives that we aren't thankful for, that we aren't really truly like, you know, that's shitty. That, and I think that sometimes it takes a while to maybe get that out of our head. But I just, I loved that, that it said that you can fill those bowls. And that, that, and it sounds like to me because of all of your incredible, you know, fundraising and building communities and immersing yourself in church and family and Girl Scouts and everything that you possibly can that you're, you're filling, you're filling those empty bowls.

That's the hope. And you're right, the events that happened with my son, they're shitty. They just are. And, um, like I said, it's an unfortunate club you have— you're a part of. But I don't know, my journey— I wouldn't be on this same path if my journey hadn't been what it was. I've always felt that way. So it's— I don't know if I've read part of that quote, but it sounds very familiar to me. And it It feels very familiar to me because I feel like that's the reason why I'm doing all the things. And you're right, like even with my career and switching to going back and working at Girl Scouts, it was just because I knew finally I needed to stop doing what I thought I always needed to do and what I, even what I studied to do, to do something that I felt passionate about and that I really felt like I was making a difference. And that was a part of my career choice too, so.

Oh yeah, and you're definitely— you're making a difference in so many lives. And there's just one more thing I wanted to chat about. So on— as I think about my life, and even from being like a little girl till now, um, I kind of like to relate it to being like— I kind of feel like I'm a cat. Like, I feel like the universe has given me 9 lives, and I feel like I've lived multiple lives. Like, I, I I can almost, you know, look at my past years and be like, yep, that's when another life began, and that's when another life started, and it kind of led me in a direction. What do you think about that? Do you feel like you've, like, had chances to, you know, start over, or like, what's your thought about that?

I always feel like, you know, people go into the new year and they're— they have New Year's resolutions and they're setting their resolutions for the year. And for me, I feel like it's a— I, I don't really like resolution necessarily, but reinvention. Like, yeah, totally. I always think I reinvent myself at different times in my life, not necessarily every year. That's a little too much. I might be tired. I have not had that many reinventions, but different events led me. And I look back, I have so many things, you know, other than what's happened with my son that has led me to these different sort of, yeah, I mean, that's a perfect analogy, a cat, because you feel like you have 9 lives. And I, but I, I like that too, because we actually have that unique ability to reinvent ourselves when something is either happens to us, we can let it happen to us and take us down and let it choose our path, or we can choose our path and reinvent the path we want. And that's the beauty of it, is if you can do that, it's— that's amazing. But I think sometimes people let life, you know, they follow the path that life— or that they're on rather than making their own path. And I think if you can do that, that's really the way to healing too, because you're you're making the choices and you're doing things that are maybe out of your comfort zone, but you maybe would have never tried it if this event, this life-changing event, hadn't happened.

She is one of the strongest, bravest, most rad moms I know. If you haven't been to the fashion show, put it on your calendar to attend this year. You will have a blast. Thank you so much for tuning in today. It means so much to me that you take time to listen. Seriously, I love you. Did you know that you can help support the podcast? It's kind of like a monthly subscription. It helps me purchase quality recording equipment like a microphone or headphones so I can keep bringing bringing you amazing guests with great content. If you decide that's something you want to do, it's totally optional. You can go to the Anchor app and click support. Easy peasy. Also, when you have time, head over to iTunes and leave a review. Happy Monday. You're gonna rock this week. Sending you love.