✔️living in the grey

Hey fam, so confession. I have been a little bit of a slacker this past week, but I'm really not that sad about it. It's been kind of rejuvenating and nice. I took this past week off posting a new episode and not because I didn't have a recording, but because I felt like it wasn't going to be top-notch. Now, I know that that sounds a little bit contradictive to the reason of why I started the podcast in the first place, because if you remember me saying I started this back in November because I sometimes tend to have perfectionist tendencies, sometimes in the past I've been known to either hold myself back or to maybe develop a little bit of anxiety because something isn't perfect. And that was even before the new year. I knew that I wanted to start working on that and getting that out of my life because reality is we're never going to be perfect. We aren't perfect. This life is ever-changing and ever-evolving, like I've said before, blah, blah, blah. You've heard it before, I know, but it really is. It's just an ever grow— you're always learning and you're always growing. And just recently I started this, um, like a, a scholarship application process for the military spouse community. I really love how they set up the application process because they actually have you doing a lot of self-work and self-reflection as the application. So they send you TED Talks and they have you engage in the community and be vulnerable and talk about things that are scary and maybe out of your comfort zone. Yep, that was my baby screaming in the background. He really, really loves to be held and just doesn't understand that mama is just trying to get the podcast out. Welcome to this episode of the podcast. I was just listening to another podcast about when you are addressing the audience, your audience, that maybe you shouldn't say like, happy Monday or happy Thursday or good morning, because podcasts are awesome in the way that they are forever. It's a piece of audio that you can listen to on a Friday at midnight if you want to, or you can listen to it on a Sunday as you're driving across the state. So instead of saying, "Good morning, happy Monday," I'm just gonna start saying, "What's up?" because I don't know when you're listening to this, I don't know when you're tuning in. It could be this year in 2019, or you could not even find this until like 2035 for all I know, and maybe podcasts won't even be around, or maybe they will be, who the hell knows. But what's up? So glad that you finally are here. I hope you enjoy today's episode. The past, you know, few weeks I've just been really digging deep into what does make me uncomfortable and pushing past those barriers and being vulnerable, but also being vulnerable with boundaries, which I don't know if I've really talked about that too much before, but I realized a few years ago that I didn't have boundaries. Zero. No boundaries. I didn't even know what they were. I didn't know how to get them, and I just was so confused as to why my life was just kind of chaotic a little bit. And I really wanted to start changing and focusing more on how to be peaceful and how to be full of gratitude and love. Not that I already— I didn't— it's not that I didn't have those things. It just wasn't a constant in my life. And I felt like my head was just this spinning tornado full of all of the things, and I didn't know how to ground myself. And I realized that I didn't have boundaries. So I've been working and developing my boundaries over the last few years, and now that I have them, it's wonderful. It is peaceful. And yes, just like I said before, it's always, you know, I'm always growing and always learning, maybe putting up a few more boundaries, but I've learned to not just build walls anymore. So I've been breaking those walls down, putting up the boundaries, and through this learning process and application process of being vulnerable, it's brought out some new and interesting fun little exercises. Brené Brown is this— a wonderful woman. If you haven't heard about her or watched her TED Talk, she also has a new Netflix, uh, like a— it's not really a series, it's not really documentary, it's just like a special, a Netflix special where she talks about living in the arena and understanding that you will fail. It's just a part of life. You need to be comfortable with the fact that you are going to fail. And I love that. It almost takes pressure off of you because you just can go into things with the expectation— or maybe not even an expectation, but just like a— I don't want to speak for everybody. This is for me. I can go in just with no expectations, I guess. That's it, that's what I'm trying to say. So I go in, no expectations, just knowing that I might fail, I might succeed, but it's guaranteed that I will learn. I'll learn as I'm going. And we're also through this, through this application process talking about growth mindset, fixed mindset, and they sent you like a little test to take which I'm not really sure how I feel about online quizzes, even though I take them. You know, I feel like we always do, or all do, especially like in high school when it was like Self magazine or Cosmo, and they'd be like, who is your celebrity crush? Take this quiz, we'll tell you. And I'm like, absolutely, I know that it wasn't really Ryan Gosling. I'm more of like an older gentleman type of person, so maybe like Sean Connery. I was like, absolutely, I could see it. I always knew. So anyway, Okay, refocus. Let's go back. So taking this test to tell you if you are a fixed mindset, growth mindset, it turned out that I was both, which wasn't really surprising. I feel like I've always been pretty open to trying new things, and I know that you can learn new skills. I know that you can develop, but there are certain times where I do have a fixed mindset where I just feel like, well, I'm almost 30. I don't have that skill yet. I would have to work really hard every day. Can I do that? Do I want to do that? And I feel like that's kind of a fixed mindset, whereas I should just jump in and not have those, not have those thoughts of should I, would I, could I. I should just be like, I will, and not be not be scared. I think it's like the, the base root is fear, fear of getting halfway through and feeling like a failure, or, or, you know, I'm just, I'm really not quite sure what it is, but I do know that it's the base root of fear. So I've been trying to work through that. And so to circle all the way back around this past week, ever since I started this podcast, I've released a new episode each Monday. Well, a couple weeks ago I did it on a Tuesday, but regardless, I, I've produced and, uh, put out a new episode at least once a week since November. So we're into almost 30 episodes, which I love, and it has taught me a lot. But this past week I just really felt like I needed to take a breath and just relax and maybe focus a little bit more on me and what I I am wanting to put out in the world and what type of content I want to give you. I know you've heard me say before, the reason I started this podcast, the sole reason was because I really do feel that each of us has a story that needs to be shared. And I wanted to be that catalyst to give anyone and everyone a voice. I've had a few people reach out saying, Hey, let's chit-chat. I wanna see if I would be a good fit for the podcast. And immediately I'm like, of course you're a good fit for the podcast. You're a human, you have lived life, and you have a story to tell. So absolutely, you're the perfect fit. So if you have questioned, am I a good fit? Would I be able to share my story? I'm telling you, yes. You totally are the perfect fit. I think that through our stories, we learn how to grow, we learn how to heal, we find that connection with somebody. There is always someone on the other end listening, saying, "Yes, I am going through this. I'm not alone." And it's such a reassuring feeling to know that there are others who may not know exactly what you're going through, because guess what? We all have gone through maybe similar things, But we, there's no measurement for how you felt during that experience. There's no pain measurement. There's no struggle measurement of just because we both have lost people in our life doesn't mean that one of us felt it harder or stronger or quote unquote better than the other person. There's no, there's just no measurement for that. So I want you to feel vulnerable and reach out, share your story. 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So I want to touch on something that I said about 5 minutes ago. I said I'm not really quite sure about the online tests like the DiSC assessment, or, you know, just those tests, you know what I'm talking about, the 16 Personalities, the things that tell you what color you are and what your personality is based off of those questions, because I really feel like I could take that in 5 months and possibly I will, you know, be doing the same things that I was doing previously, or I could take it and be at a completely different stage in my life and be a totally, totally different— not different human, but just, you know, you know what I'm talking about. Your experiences mold you. Time molds you. Praise the Lord that I have changed since I was 22, 23. Or 15, because oh my, I— wow, you know, like, I really am so thankful that I've had experiences that have shaped me and changed me and taught me hard lessons. I felt for a long time that I just had to learn everything the hard way. I would just you know, drive headfirst into things, just bulldoze through, and then question afterwards, whoa, why, how did I end up here? And now, even though some of them were extremely hard lessons, kicked my ass, kicked some other people's ass kind of in, you know, in my range, bridges were burnt, it was bad, you guys. But now I'm here and I've grown, and that 16 personality test that I may have took 6 years ago isn't relevant to now. And I, I really feel like when we label ourselves, we're saying, this is who I am. You're trying to define who you are all the time with these labels. Like, oh well, I'm always late. I mean, yeah, maybe you've been late a million times, but is that who you are, or, "Well, I, you know, I'm just always super responsible. I am always loyal. I'm always..." And I just, I think we are those things sometimes, or we have made decisions for the most part that have maybe reflected how you define that. But I just, I feel like it's kind of a gray area, and I've been trying really hard to live in the gray instead of having things be black and white. I think that most of life is just gray and we need to be vulnerable, like I've been saying 87 times, is just really try and expand that mindset of thinking and really try to sit with yourself and say, How do I define this? What are some core qualities that I would like to really inject out into the world and have in my, in my home life and my personal life and my relationships? Even just, there was, there was something that happened this week with Kurt and I, as far as learning that as a partner to Kurt, I need to be more like in tune with even just like his little— how do I want to describe it— like his little cues. So like if he has something coming up, I just need to be more mindful and plan accordingly so that I'm like in sync with his schedule instead of just like plowing through and managing my own schedule and just thinking, well, hopefully all these things just align and, you know, we're telepathically communicating by me saying, well, this is coming up for me, hope it works out for you, and vice versa with him. I think that it really made me sit and think. It took a couple days to just be like, wow, okay, this is how you're going to move forward with this. You're going to really be mindful of his feelings, his schedule, his his plans, our goals as a couple. And just, it really kind of taught me that I'm not as selfless as I would like to think I am. Like, I always think that I'm pretty selfless and I think sometimes I am, but I'm not always. And so it was a good reality check to say, okay, no more labeling yourself as this like always selfless mindful person because you are going to mess up. You're going to think of yourself sometimes and not put your spouse or your child or your friend or your family member first. That's okay, but at least you're self-aware. You can pull yourself back out. So that's my little mantra, my little advice, tip, whatever it is. Take it as you will. Be vulnerable. Be mindful. The universe will bless you. Thank you for listening to this solo episode of The Girl with the Red Door. Head on over to Apple Podcasts and give us a review. Leave us your comments. We would love to hear from you. Have a great week.