10 Dangerous Relationship Red Flags Most Women Ignore

This is the dangerous red flag, number one, which is over complimenting or even love bombing. Okay. Which. Gary, I, I'm. I, I love bomb you every once in a while, right?

You do. I. And you know I'm a sucker for it. And, and that's, and that's the thing that makes this one tough, is that everybody likes a good compliment. It's like, you know, when you're saying all this nice stuff about me, I'm like, look at his good judgment. He sees all the odd, like, that's fantastic.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Gary. Today we are going to be talking about dangerous red flags that a lot of women miss when they are getting out there and finding love. But while we're talking about red flags, I want to talk about this new trend called beige flags. All right, you've heard about this, right? And I have a little bit of a beige flag going on right now, which is kind of like quirky. What is it? How do you define a beige flag?

Base flags are like those quirky, odd behaviors. They're. They're like, a little bit weird, but they're also, like, potentially endearing. They're cute, maybe.

Yeah. So for those who are only listening to the podcast right now, you won't appreciate this, but Gary is wearing his ultimate soccer dad jersey right now. He's getting ready for softball tour. It's a little bit of a beige flag to me right now. I'm not so sure about this podcast. I think I need to take a step back and rethink things. What do we think?

It. It is a sensible polo shirt. That is the golf shirt for the guy who does not play golf.

It's. It's nice picturing you out there cheering on your dog. You're such a good dad. It's amazing. But just like. And dude, I'm like 10 years away from where you're at right now, so I really look up to you. But man, oh, man, I appreciate it.

It's. It's a lot. Yeah. I mean, you know, my daughter that's who. It's funny that you bring up my daughter because that's actually this beige flag thing. It's. It's a tick tock phenomenon. And so beige flags, like we said, it's this weird stuff. Now, importantly, it's kind of like, it's not a red flag, which we're all kind of familiar with. Red flags. We're going to get to those in a second, I promise. But like, beige flag is like, it's kind of in the middle and it's not cringy. Like, it's not like, you know, I. I once had a friend who dated a guy who collected his toenails, like, in a cup, like, ooh. Like, I mean, that's cringy. Gross.

Ick.

Right? Like, so it's not that. It's.

It's like, that's hot, dude. What are you talking about?

I think I just threw up on.

My mouth a little. Oh, my God.

So a beige flag is like that guy who's constantly telling you about his fantasy football team as if you care. Right? It's the guy who likes to sing along to songs, but with the wrong lyrics.

Oh, that's me. That's me all the way. Yeah.

I thought it wasn't yesterday. I was at the gym and there's a guy there who works out in jeans. And like, that is the. It's mind boggling to me. But that's like a beige flag because it's like, weird. Now women just, you know, you get. You have them too, so they don't get too comfortable. It's a woman with a thousand stuffed animals on her bed who's over the age of 12.

Oh, there we go. That's Jessica. Oh, my God.

And I was thinking about this, and my wife hopefully won't kill me for. For sharing. She's got two. Two that. That just came up in the last two days as I've been thinking about this topic. One is particularly, we were just on vacation last week. She is an avid reader of road signs. As if everyone else in the car can't see those same signs. It's like, hey, everybody, look. And then she'll read the roads. Like, read like the sign of a store. Like, hey, it's McDonald's.

Oh, look at that.

They have this store. And it's like, my daughter and I are both like, yeah, those words. We can read those.

I got bad news for you, man. That's a red flag. That's a red flag. Run. Run away as fast as you can. Oh, my God. That Would drive me insane.

Being in a car. It was like seven hours down, eight hours. It was. It was a little bit much. The one that actually drives me the most nuts. And it's still a beige flick as much as, like, I get it into, like, the red, definitely at least pink area. It's leaving just a little bit of food or anything left in a container, right? Like, so chips, pretzels, whatever, crackers, like, the whole thing is gone except for one cracker. And then you see the box in there and you open up the box. Oh, here we go. There's nothing in there.

And we all know my beige flag, which is leaving all the cabinets open. Is that a beige flag? Would that fall into the third category?

Yeah, because it's like, you know, at first it's kind of annoying, but then, like, over time, like, I'm sure, like, there's part. It's like, I don't know, like, when you're gone for a week and Jess is around the. The house by herself and it's like all the cabinets are closed, there's probably a little piece of her that's like, oh, no one's leaving the cabinets open.

Oh, the house is so neat and great and comfy. Oh, I miss my husband, kind of.

No, I'm sure there. Now, I'm sure there's some of you that are listening to this, like, oh, my partner doesn't have any of these things. They're fantastic. They do. Just wait, you know, you'll. You'll see them. You'll see them. And so.

Oh, it's common. It's a common. Don't you, don't you worry? It's a common.

There will be plenty. Plenty. And so the thing with the TikTok trend, and this is what I was trying to explain to my daughter, is that, you know, by trying to, like, focus on all these, like, beige, like, it's like, too picky. It's a little too annoying. And it's. You're worrying about stuff that's not worth worrying about. Like, who cares? Like my. One of my daughters, beige. She doesn't like pizza sauce. She doesn't like sauce on pizza. So every pizza she gets going to be light on the sauce, whatever the hell that means. Right. But it's like by focusing on these things, you're going to make dating a whole lot harder because these are actually, like, just the fun little quirks that people have. And if you start worrying about them and others, you're going to, like, just rule out people. They shouldn't be Ruling out. And if you start worrying about them in yourself, you're just going to be, like, paralyzed with, like, I can't do anything. And like, and then that's all wrong. Like, you should just, you should be yourself. So this is like one of those TikTok trends that's just ridiculous.

Dating will be impossible if you talk about the beige flags as if they matter. Now I get how women work and I listen to my, my wife and her friends and we've been coaching thousands of women over the years, like to talk about in a fun way over drinks with your friends. Oh, my God, I can't believe he has like a pet rattlesnake that he has to feed three times a day. Like a mouse. Like, okay, that's fun and cute. Actually, that one kind of sounds red flaggy. That's kind of creepy. You get my point. Like, talking about these things, it's fun and playful. It's like, okay, they get these weird things, but taking these seriously as if they're major, major red flags is going to set you back in your love life. Because if you're dating a guy who doesn't have any of these yet, they will come, guaranteed, 100% base flags littered everywhere. So you just have to expect, no matter what, that if you haven't seen it yet, it's coming. And if you're focusing only on these things, you'll never find the perfect partner who doesn't have them.

Yeah. And I, and I think sort of the, the biggest problem with these beige flags is that these things that aren't important, that don't matter are going to distract you from the things that do matter. And so that's actually what we're going to talk, spend all of our time talking about today is the, the ten dangerous red flags that you may have been, like, overlooking and not paying as much attention to as you should. So you want to get us started in with the first one?

Yes. Gary, let me tell you, you look really handsome today. Like, so handsome. You look great. I love your polo. You've been so kind and generous. And the reason why I'm saying all these things right now is because this is the dangerous red flag number one, which is over complimenting or even love bombing. Okay. Which, Gary, I, I'm, I love bomb you every once in a while. Right?

You do. I. And I, you know, I'm a sucker for it. And, and that's, and that's the thing that makes this one tough is that everybody likes a good compliment. It's like, you know, when you're saying all this nice stuff about me, I'm like, look at his good judgment. He sees all the odd, like, that's fantastic. Like, what a smart guy to see all these great things about me. And it's like, that's. And it, it's tough because we like to hear it and we like to believe it, all that great stuff. But the problem is, particularly when it's a guy who's new, he doesn't know you well. All of these compliments, what are they based on? Nothing.

Nothing, nothing. They don't care if he's telling you on the first date that you are the smartest, most incredible human being he's ever encountered in his life, and you have the depth to you of a person that he's never just experienced. It's. He feels a spiritual connection because it's so incredible. You should be thinking to yourself, this guy is a red flag because he couldn't possibly know all that. And he's clearly saying these things in order to potentially get something from you. Major, major red flag.

It's manipulative because it's unearned. And so the strategy of the solution to this is make sure, like, when someone's giving you compliments, like, don't be impressed until it's earned. And what I mean, what we mean by earned is they know you for enough time. Like when they're making it like you're, you're the most fascinating person I've ever met. Date one through five. I, I don't know, like, that seems a little hard to really make that judgment. But like, you've been dating for five months. Okay, now, now that's a contender, right?

Yeah, I mean, an, an earned compliment might be you say something funny and he looks at you, he's like, you know, you're really funny. You're really enjoying this so far. Or he might even say, you're one of the funniest people I've met in a while. That's okay. Like, that feels earned and that's, that's a sweet thing. But if he's like, if he goes so far to be like, you are the funniest human being I've ever known in my entire life. And all you did is say like a weird pun, dad joke or whatever it is, you know, that's where. Okay, let's, let's be a little bit cautious here about where this is coming from. Especially when they over emphasize the, the connection, how close the connection is very early on when it talks about, like, even men who Might say they're falling in love with you. I think I might be falling for. You're the perfect person for me. This is everything I've ever been looking for. Like, I don't know, hour two of the first date. Holy crap. Be cautious. Ultimate love bombing and very manipulative. And it feels so good because it fills that void that you've had that you've been waiting for this for so long. But be cautious because. Why, why do you think, Gary, in your opinion, why do you think that this is a major concern being around a guy who does that? Why, why, why should women be cautious of that?

Because I, I think guys, it's, it's a basic reward. Like anything that you reward gets increased in terms of behavior. So guys know that if they give women a bunch of compliments, women are, are, Are generally accustomed to receiving compliments and wanting to be told these things. Like, this is, and this is like just stereotypical male, female dating types of, of behavior. And so.

Right.

Some guys just kind of like overdo it and they think, you know, if, if one is good, two is better, and they're, they're just overemphasizing this thing. And it's a manipulation tactic, right? It's particularly a manipulation tactic that's going to work on somebody who's a little insecure that. Not used to receiving compliments, that's not as confident. And so it's like all of a sudden it's like, wow, look at all this attention this guy's paying me. And he thinks I'm so wonderful. And I mean, this is a slight tangent, but it's something I, I say a lot is like, don't. You shouldn't base how you feel about somebody based on how they feel about you.

Right?

Like, so don't fall in love with a guy just because he says all these. Like, you want to fall in love with him because authentically of who he is, not because he likes you. So don't use other people's feelings about you to decide how you feel about them.

That's good. That's good. That's a, That's a quotable one there. I like that. That's good. Hey there, ladies. As you can see, we're just getting this podcast off the ground. And since we don't run any ads, I only have one quick favor to ask in return. Can you just take a quick second right now, pause this episode and just leave us a review wherever it is that you're listening to the podcast, really help us out a lot and it really does spread the love and I think the world needs a little bit more of that. So I appreciate you. Now let's get back to the show.

Yeah. And so, you know, these red flags that we're talking about, the thing that makes them a little bit dangerous is because women tend to ignore them. And so the second one we're going to talk about is a guy who talks a lot about money. And this is an easy one to ignore because quite frankly, men, women, everybody, everybody wants a financially secure partner. Research shows this is one of the most desirable traits, particularly for a long term partner. It has somebody who's financially secure. And so a guy who's flaunting resources and wearing nice clothes and driving a nice car and talking about all these fancy vacations and just really sharing and sharing and sharing and just making it clear like he's financially well off feels like, this is exactly what I want. Like this is, this is the kind of partner I'm looking for. But why, why is this a problem?

Well, I mean many, well, what the examples you said actually strike me is like that's what, that's within reason. If he dresses nice, he's successful and does all these things. It's when it's to the extreme, such as you go out for dinner and he's like, oh, we're going to get the most expensive glass of champagne just for you and I want to get you the steak and I want to, because I have three houses and it's, it gets to a point of bragging. When it gets to that point. He's doing it once again to manipulate you. Because men know that women are naturally drawn to men who have access to resources. That is not, this is very well studied. This is a, a well known thing. And not all women are only focused on that. Of course not. But, but like being with a guy who's successful and can, has done well in his life, that is attractive. It's an attraction trigger for women and they're using this in order to once again get something from you. It's the guy who will pose in front of his Porsche on his online dating profile just to get the clicks. And what tends to happen with these types of guys is that they don't actually have much substance because this is the only thing they can lead with. And it's like, I don't know if this is a fair comparison, but it's kind of like the woman who would go on a first date and wear like the, the most skimpiest dress she could possibly wear on A first date, just to get some attention when it's like, why are we doing this? Well, we might be doing this just because we know that that gets you instant feedback, but it. It's hiding the reality that's, you know, inside the person's mind, which is they don't actually have much going on up there. Yeah.

I don't know.

A little harsh.

No. But I think in both cases, it's superficial. Right. And so the strategy to combat this kind of thing is go dig deeper. Like, go. Go to the deeper level. Things like, don't focus on the resources. Particularly, like you said, if they're really flaunting it and like, making it known. You know, I think we've talked about in a previous podcast, like, the people who actually have money and wealth and affluence don't spend a lot of time talking about it. They just are that way.

Definitely.

And so, you know, make sure from your perspective as a woman, you know, don't be, like, kind of mesmerized by all these resources. Instead, make sure you're focusing on things that really matter. And there's two traits that recent research, and these are things that are very intuitive. But there really have been a couple papers recently that came out. One number one trait, kindness. Focus. Look for a guy who's kind. Look for empathy. Look for that caring, look for that connecting with other people. That stuff matters. That stuff matters just for being a good person in life. And it also matters for your relationship. The second one, and I think this came out in June, playfulness. You want a partner who's like kind of the carefree, playful attitude. And, you know, sometimes those guys who are flaunting their resources, spending all their time making all this money, aren't very playful. It's like, I gotta work. I gotta work, babe. I can't be doing anything right. You don't want to date that guy. You don't want to be with that person long term. Like, that's not an ideal partner.

Yeah. And if that's all he's focused on is flaunting his resources, then he's probably not going to be a very kind and playful person. Now, again, the huge caveat here, which goes back to your original point that I think is very, very important to mention again, is that most people who are actually wealthy and have true financial success don't flaunt it anyways. Like, I would rather, if I were a female and out there dating, I'd rather be with a guy who makes $100,000 a year but has saved in a 401k his entire life and has. Owns his own home, doesn't have a mortgage and does really well and is financially secure than a guy who makes a million dollars a year but spends $1.2 million a year on the fanciest stuff. And by the way, if you look at his net profit on his life, his net worth, it's in the negative. So, like, what are we really optimizing for? We're optimizing for long term wellness and happiness and like a healthy relationship. And so again, just like the. Those guys who are out there flaunting it, I see through that so quickly because I'm in a space where, like, I see a lot of males out there who are trying to flaunt it, like they got it. And then once you open that hood, open up that hood, we got nothing going for them, you know, and then I, I've just met so many, like, secret millionaires recently that I'm like, holy crap, this guy's worth $12 million. Like, what? And you find it out, not through them. They will never share it. So just very important point, I think, with all this, because it's so easy to get just like distracted by that.

Yeah. And so, you know, it's kind of keeping on that theme of, of things that you don't really realize the third red flag that we're going to talk about is he's a guy who's really willing to change himself to be the right person for you. Now, in some ways, the reason why this is an easy one to ignore the reason why this is an easy one that's like kind of a sneaky thing is, like, you, that feels great. Like, it feels great to have a guy who's like, I will just. I'm gonna change what I. The way I dress, I'm gonna change the way I look, I'm gonna change the way I act. These friend, those, those are old friends I'm getting rid of. Like, they're willing to just kind of bend themselves in all these different ways to accommodate you to be your ideal guy. And it's like, I don't know, like, who doesn't want their ideal partner? It sounds fantastic.

Yeah.

So what's the problem?

I don't know, Gary, I'd love to hear. This all sounds great to me. So you continue, please.

So, you know, I know, I appreciate that. Because, like, this, this is like one of those, this is like my research jam, like who you are as a person in relationships. Like, that's what I've Been studying for literally 20 years.

Because let me tell you, every woman listening to this right now is like, I want men who will change themselves for me. I guarantee it. So you got me hooked here. Give me the punchline.

And so the problem is it's inauthentic. Right. Eventually you. You can only keep this up for so long, right? It's unsustainable. He may think he wants this, he may be able to pull this off solidly for six months, even a year, but at some point it's going to hit and it's like, I'm not this person. And so those relationships, when that happens, they just implode. And it seems like it kind of comes out of nowhere, but it's something that is kind of like they can only kind of keep up the guys for a certain amount of time. And then it's just, this isn't who I am. And so it becomes a real problem.

Yeah, yeah. And I think, like, look, healthy relationships does require both partners to change slowly. And you kind of, especially once you've been together five, ten years or so on, so forth, your identities do start to merge a little bit. But I think it's also very important for each person to maintain their own healthy identity. And when you're with someone who's willing to just throw everything away. I can think of one woman in particular that I dated well over a decade ago now. Um, but once we started dating, it was like everything about her previous life up to that point in time, like, almost disappeared. And she wanted to just immediately merge into, like, me and my style and my way of doing things and like, my hobbies, my interests. And it felt nice at first, but then it got to a point where I'm like, well, who are you? If you're trying to be me, who. Who are you?

Right.

And she lost. She lost sense of herself. She didn't want to spend time with her friends. She didn't care about anything other than everything I wanted to do. And. And if again, being on this side of it, it feels good, but it's actually quite a bit of a red flag because it didn't work out for a reason, let me tell you that much. I'm not. I didn't marry her. So here we are.

Yeah, And a lot of these things feel good at first, but, you know, like we talk about all the time, we're not trying to help you just find any partners, trying to help you find that long term, fulfilling, committed relationship. And so these things will feel good at first, but it's like, ultimately, what you want long term is someone who's authentic, true to themselves, and you like them for who they are because that's what you want from them.

Yeah.

You don't want. You don't want somebody who wants you to change and be like. It's like you guys are both going to change, but you want to, like, change on your own and then change together and just kind of meet and grow together.

Right.

Change, fine. Improve, fine. But do it for your own reasons, not to just kind of fit this perceived ideal of who you think your partner wants you to be.

It's interesting perspective. You got me bought in. I don't know. I'm curious to hear from the audience what everyone else thinks about this, but I'm. I'm in. Sounds great.

Let's see what. We'll see what they think. You want to. You want to. You want to take the next one?

Oh, this is my favorite. And this is when you're with a partner with a guy, you start dating him, and every single one of his exes are crazy for one reason or another. Oh, my God, Amanda, she was the worst. She was so clingy. She would never leave me alone. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then. Oh, let me tell you about Lisa. Whoa. Lisa was the exact opposite. She was nuts. She actually threw all my clothing out onto the street and just, like, was screaming in front of all the neighbors. And then let me tell you about my other ex. She was also. She's the craziest of them all. If you're with someone who is like, every person they've been with is absolutely insane, then let me tell you, that person is actually absolutely insane. The human. That guy is guaranteed 100 of the time. I have not found a situation where this is not a rule. And I've dated a few women where they said every single guy they've been with is just the worst human being in the world. And I'm like, you're probably the worst person in the world. It's a little harsh, but it's true.

I was gonna say, please don't sugarcoat that at all. No, no, but that's. That's the thing. Like, so the counter to this is, you know, at some level, like, you. You start empathizing with them, like, oh, my gosh, they've had such a tough run. Like, they've had all this bad relationship luck, and it's like, no, no, no. What you really need to look for is someone who can. Because everybody has faults. Let's just start with that.

But it's like everyone has bad X's too, by the way.

Everyone has, of course, but when somebody has a bad ex, they take some responsibility for that situation because it's never. No relationship is 100 the fault of one person. Never.

No.

Right. And so you want somebody who says, yeah, I did this person, it didn't really work out, and then can talk about their role in that because that shows somebody who's thoughtful about relationships, who's serious about personal growth and is looking for insights to better their future relationships. Those are all the traits you want. Right. So make sure you're, you know, it's. It can be, it can get, it's really tantalizing to kind of get into this complaint fest where it's like, oh, you had a crazy eyes. Well, let me tell you about my crazy. I've got all the it's. And that's not the discourse you really want. Right. And so look for more of those, you know, you know, taking ownership over faults and being willing to grow and learn. I mean, those are going to be much more important.

Yeah. I mean, if someone does talk about their ex and, and by the way, I don't recommend talking about it on the first couple of dates, but you're on date four and you start talking about your. He starts talking about his ex wife or you're talking about your ex husband. Talking about it from a perspective of, yeah, it wasn't a good fit. And this is what I learned and this was my experience. And honestly, I've grown a lot from, even if it was a terrible, terrible experience, that positioning, that reframing is incredibly important. And it's something interestingly, I'm finding a lot, like we're interviewing a lot here at Love Strategy. So it's top of mind. And it the same goes if you're ever hiring someone and they say that every one of their employee ex employers were the worst. And I get it, sometimes employers, previous employers are terrible. But there's a framing in which you can think about it and it's got to be genuine. It's got to be like, yeah, it really didn't work out. But this is actually what I took from this, that situation. This is what I've learned and this is what I now know what I want and moving forward. And there's just a framing. And that's a lot about mindset. So you can tell a lot about a person the way they describe their previous, you know, basically their victimhood. Are they victims or are they owners? If they're victims and Say, oh, everyone in my life is the worst. My friends, my family, where I lived, blah, blah, blah. That tells you your future with this human being. Whereas if they take some level of ownership of everything in their life, we are the common denominator of every relationship, every job we've ever been in, we are the common denominator. That's a great sign that if they can recognize that and take some level of ownership over it.

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I. All these things are subtle. Right. And that's what makes them so dangerous, because it makes them easy to ignore. And that's true with the fifth one that we're going to talk about. This red flag. This red flag. If you think about, like, what your biggest fear is, the first time you meet somebody in person, Right. You might. You might have interact a little bit online, but now you're meeting them in person. The one thing you want to make sure for that to go well is that they find you physically attractive. Right. You want to make sure that when they see you, they're not like, oh, that's right. And so the. The way that this is a red flag that becomes something you want to ignore is when your guy. Partner focuses too much on your looks. Right. This is somewhat tied to that compliment thing, but this is just like, where a guy is overemphasizing is just constantly, like, mentioning things about your physical appearance.

Yeah.

And again, it's tough because it feels good. We want to be complimented. We want someone to find us physically attractive, but it's. It's going overboard, and it's potentially showing that he's valuing that aspect more to the detriment of more important aspects. Right. Because looks fade. The character's forever. And so, like, it's important for him to realize that, like, you. You definitely realize that. But it's important that he realizes that and isn't solely focused on how you look.

Yeah, I mean, I. Ladies and gents, Gary, the world. I have a confession. In my 20s, there were certain times in my life where I was very much so focused on casual relationships, because I was in my 20s and I was an immature kid. And I'm sure if I could go back in time and snack him over his face and say, dude, grow up, I would do that, but I can't. But I can talk about my experience in that time of my life. And 100, I would say 99 of my energy was focused on looks for women. Like, that's just like our driving force as a male when we don't care about relationships. Or commitment. And so I definitely think back and like, so much of my compliments would be about how someone looked, how sexy they are. Oh, my God, you smell so good. It's all about the, the superficial things. And then I remember when I was in my late 20s, I just got to a phase. I'm like, I'm done with all that. I'm ready for something real. And then you just switch your focus and it's no longer all about that. Yeah, of course, looks are important physical attraction. But then it becomes a matter of also emotional attraction. And there's a. You can really tell if you're looking for it. You can see the difference in guy one, who's all about looks. That's all he cares about. Or guy two, who's a little bit about looks, but also about emotional attraction. And we really want to be cautious of the men who only are focused on your getting you into the bedroom, only focusing on anything involving your physical attributes. And he's not actually trying to get to know you on a real level. So it's a major red flag. Be cautious of those guys because they will waste your time. Talk about the ultimate time wasters, those guys.

Absolutely. And I think the key strategy with all this is, you know, there really is a difference between lust, love, and liking. And too often we kind of mix those up and we reap. We like mix up our priorities with those things. And like this guy who's super focused on Lux, he's prioritizing lust and like that, that's great for an evening, that's great for a weekend. It's great maybe for a week. But it's like, if you want that long term, fulfilling relationship, it's got how many people, like, how many relationships do you see where it's like, there's a physical attraction, but, like, the partners don't seem like they actually like each other. Nobody wants that relationship. Right. Like, so make sure, like, they are with you for your personality and not just overwhelmed by your beauty, because that's going to be the key to long term success. Okay, so that brings us to red flag number six, which is the guy who's just a little too comfortable telling you that you're wrong about it.

Yep. You're never right in the argument. You can never be correct. Nope, nope, nope. You are always right, wrong.

And you're gonna, I mean, you're gonna have disagreements. Even like on a first couple of days, you're gonna have disagreements. And it's like there's the type of guy and it's it seems a little masculine. That's what makes this one a little sneaky a little bit, you know, something you want to ignore. It's like he's like, no, no, you're wrong about this. Let me tell you how it really is. And there, there's a certain appealing quality to that where it's like, you know, confident, taking charge, very, very masculine.

Masculine, yeah. Decisive. He knows what he wants, he knows how things are done. Yeah.

But ultimately, that type, it's disrespectful. Right. He's got to be curious, he's got to want to understand rather than just kind of flat out saying you're wrong. It's like, what? The kind of guy you want is somebody who's asking you questions like, why do you think that? What's that about trying to understand your point of view? Because, you know, the world, as we all know, there's no. It's not in black and white. I mean, there's a lot of gray in between. And so it's like, you can't be that absolute. The only thing, if you're absolute, you're going to be absolutely wrong most of the time. And so you want a guy who's intellectually humble so that he can ask questions and learn your perspective.

Definitely. I mean, conflict happens in relationships. And honestly, if it's not happening that's concerning, there's going to be conflict because human beings can never fully agree with one with each other because we have different motives, we're not always aligned on what it is we want to do. We have different DNA, we have different upbrings, we have different perspectives on how things work. All that going to lead to conflict. But if, when that conflict happens, he's not willing to budge at all and he just comes from his worldview, then how in the world could this last longer than three months? It's not going to. Because then it. To build a real partnership with someone, you need to start actually making a few adjustments and be willing to sacrifice at. At times and be able to listen to your partner's point of view. So be very, very cautious of this. And this is a sneaky one, like you said, because it can be kind of hot for a lot of you women to be with a man who is very decisive. He's old school, he knows what he wants, he's that type of a man. But good luck when you live with him, good luck if you have children with him, good luck when you're married. All of it. Oh, gosh, that. It gets pretty dark from that point forward.

Yeah. That's what makes it a red flag. Right. It's kind of this, like, harbinger of, like, what's to come. It's like there's some bad stuff coming that you just have this first level sign that lets you see it potentially, you know, peek around that corner to see it on the horizon.

Yeah.

So that one's very much related to the red flag number seven, which is. The guy's just like, he's a dictator. And so, I mean, obviously, like, dictator. Like, who wants that? That sounds horrible. But, like, it doesn't obviously present like that. It presents as the guy who's like the take charge again. It's a very masculine kind of thing. Like, he plans the date and you. You want him to take the lead, that's fine. But then he just kind of, like takes it a little too far where it's like, you're out to dinner and he says, you want to try this appetizer? And you're like, no. And he's like, no, you have to try this. Like, he's just a little too enthusiastic about, like, the things you have to do. You must do this. And, like, we have to go do this. And these things are suggesting that he. He's somebody who's not willing to accept boundaries.

Yeah, we have to together. We have to sleep together. Second date. Oh, are you kidding me? No. Tonight is the night. You have to come back to my place. You have to order this. You should not order that. You should not do this. You should not be going out with your girlfriends this weekend without me. The dictator, the guy who is always by his rules, his law, his way, and look again. When you're in a healthy relationship, there are gonna be. Sometimes you're gonna have to sacrifice a little bit and you listen to his point of view and understand why there might be a concern, yada, yada, yada. But healthy boundaries also must exist. And who wants to be with a dictator? You know, no one.

And you have to respect boundaries for small things and for big things. And if he's not willing to respect it for small stuff, what's it going to be later when it's like, you know, some big life thing about weight, where you're going to live, or how, like you said earlier, how are you going to raise kids? Like, these things, like, again, like, they're like these little signs that give you a chance to, like, peek into the future. So it's important to be aware of them. You want to. You want to take number eight?

Yeah, sure. Number eight is that he just doesn't seem to share much about himself. He lacks that kind of vulnerability. Almost feels like he's a robot. Like, he avoids eye contact, he dodges questions. And it can be really easy to think, like, oh, all men are like this, right? All guys are just like that, right? But a lot of this is a man who's not really emotionally available and not really ready for something real. And I can think of a number of times I already talked about my 20s in this. I'll bring it back to that point. I remember specifically a few times where I'd be with a woman. She started asking me deeper questions about my life. And I think, remember thinking to myself, I don't want to go there because I don't want to start feeling those warm and fuzzies with her. I'm going to keep this emotionally distant. I'm going to keep this separate. I'm going to keep this more robotic and try to push this away so that I don't get kind of hooked in. And guys will do this if they're just not emotionally ready.

Well, some of it's not so you don't get hooked in, but some of it, like, I. I think guys that are doing these things, they also. I mean, they're not horrible, awful, atrocious people. So they also kind of know, like, if I start giving more and being more emotionally available, she's going to get more hooked in. And it's like trying to keep. It's like a nice way to be. Not nice. I guess it's like, you know, I'm going to avoid eye contact because I know if. If we have. And research shows this, right? The more eye contact people have, the closer they feel. So he's avoiding eye contact. He's not sharing. It's a way to, like, kind of purposely keep you at a distance. So he's thinking, like, this isn't going anywhere. I don't want to, like, really hurt this woman. And so it could just be a way of. Of doing that. And so, you know, one of the things you can do as a strategy is, you know, and like, if he's a little shy or whatever, ask, like, just a simple basic question, like, what's the. What's the favorite place that you travel? And give him a chance to open up. And then, you know, start with something like that and then start asking progressively more emotional questions to see if he's willing to kind of travel that path.

Path, yeah. Or I mean, a fun one is just like, where do you want where do you see your life? Like, walk me through your life in five years. What. What does that look like? Like, what does that like? And it's kind of fun. It's almost playful in ways. It kind of depends on how you're asking. Like, if your intention is like, are you looking to get married? You're looking to have kids? That's different than just be like, I don't know, like, where do you want to be in the next five years? And it's going to tell you so much about this guy. And first off, if he just dodges the question altogether, that's concerning because he doesn't even want to think about the future or talk about the future with you in particular. But if he does answer and he says, oh, I want to be traveling in Thailand, just backpacking by myself with a few buddies, well, that gives you interesting knowledge. Or if he tells you, you know, I'd really like to start thinking about having a family and settling down, or I really want to be with a partner who I can spend the rest of my life with.

That's.

These are all really helpless, helpful information. So don't allow yourself to just, like, brush it off and be like, oh, he's always like that. All men are like that. That's not true. Actually. Gary and I, we both said that we tend to be the more emotional guys in our relationships.

For sure. Yeah. I think if you. If you start writing off all guys that way you fall into something I call the tyranny of low expectations, where it's like, you're just going to keep accepting worse and worse from guys because, like, all guys are like this. So, you know, there are. The thing is, there are better guys. You just haven't found them yet. If that's really what you know, you just got to keep looking. You'll find them. They're out there. And so you know that that's important.

Definitely.

So red flag number nine. This. This one came up hardcore in a coaching session I had Wednesday night. This is a huge one. Bad grammar in an online dating profile.

What are you talking about, Gary? Come on.

All use guys.

So all you guys, come on.

One of the questions is like, is this a problem? And so bad grammar on an online dating profile is a problem for. For two reasons. One, there's so many tools out there to help with grammar and help make these things okay. That a guy who's got just atrociously written prose on his dating profile, he just is. It doesn't care. He's not invested. He's not putting in the time. Right. So it could just be like, he doesn't, he's not super serious about this dating thing. Okay. So that's a problem. That's a red flag in and of. So the other one is scammers. Like, there's, there's online scammers and, you know, people have been doing online. It's almost universal. The people who end up being scammers. Their online dating profile had some bad grammar. And so, you know, the simple strategy for this is, you know, demand good grammar if you want to avoid scammers.

Yeah. Or need I just say he's just not very smart. Let's just call space, like, look, everyone who's in the Love Strategies community are successful, powerful, incredible women who've done a lot with their life. And like, yeah, like, maybe he's lazy, sure. Maybe he's a scammer. Sure. But maybe he's just like, not intellectually there. All of which are just like, nope, next. Move on. You know, so he.

You're saying he might just be dum dum.

He's just a dummy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, come on. Like, to have. Look there, like you. It was related to the first one. But like, you got chat nowadays, you got, you know, Grammarly, you got all this stuff. You can't just put together a sentence. This isn't like the 1992 where you didn't have that. So please, please just get it together.

Yeah. All right, so here we are, number 10, our final red flag. This one is one that you're probably in some inkling of, but it's, it's when friends and family aren't a fan. And that's, that's worded specifically that way because when people, a lot of times people like, oh, my friends and family like him. And it's like. And you're only saying they like them because they haven't told you they hate it. Now, your friends and family aren't going to tell you that they hate who you're with, likely because there's still some chance you're going to stay with them. So they're not going to come out strong on disliking your partner. But what you need to do is pay attention to the subtle. Like, I don't really like, you know, like, like the very minor kinds of things. Like, you know, they're just, they're kind of lukewarm. They're not super enthusiastic. They're. They're not glowing and supportive. Like, the absence of glowing and supportive is, is a little bit of an indicator.

Yeah. I think I would change this verbiage a little bit and I would. Maybe friends and family would be not the right term. I might use like trusted inner circle, because sometimes our friends and family, or like your parents or your friends or whatever, or not likely not your friends, but your family, your brother or sister might not like them, but like, maybe you don't like your brother and sister and you don't respect their opinion. But if you're trusted inner circle, like those people, we all hopefully have two or three of those people in our life who we just really look up to them as far as a source of character, of just insight, of wisdom. If those people are being lukewarm about this person, that means they don't like them. They don't like them because as Gary said, it's very rare for someone to sit you down and say, hey, this dude you're dating sucks. He's got terrible grammar, he's really ugly. And no, I mean, they wouldn't say, who cares if he's ugly? But he's not kind to you the way he speaks to. Not kind. He's late constantly. They're not going to say these things to you. They're just going to say, yeah, you know, Larry, he's, he's fine. He's, he's good, you know.

Yeah. And just in case, you know, there's always this inclination when you talk about. And I like that reframing of the trusted inner circle. There's always this potentially, like, what do they know? It's not their relationship. Of course I know better. It's, it's my relationship. Who knows this better than me? There is research that actually looked at that like your own prediction versus your friends, family members predictions. And you yourself are the most confident. Your friends and family, they're the least confident about making predictions about your relationship future. Like, is this thing going to last? But then the researchers did what only researchers do is like, they track those relationships over time to see how it turned out.

Yeah.

And guess who's the least accurate?

You.

You are. Of course you are. And it's this deadly combination of, like, you're the most confident and the least accurate. That's a killer. That's the literally the worst possible combination. And so friends and family, they have insights you don't have. And so the strategy here is they're not going to come right out and tell you, but, like, ask them, be curious and ask things like, you know, what do you think their worst. You know, this person's worst trait Is like, what do you think would be problems that we might experience in the future? Like, probe them and prompt them for questions and issues that they're not going to be necessarily willing to bring up on their own?

Yeah, absolutely. No, this was. This was amazing, Gary. And I love these insights. And I think learning these red flags and what goes into each part of this is. Is so important. It's such an important part of having a strategy in your love life. Because really having a strategy is all about just prioritizing where you put your energy, like, being thoughtful and intentional about where you invest your energy. And if we can just start to understand red flags and be a little bit more skeptical sometimes of new people we might be dating and bring that energy to it, suddenly, we can start saving. We can start saving ourselves years and years of heartbreak, getting involved with the wrong guys. So hopefully this has been helpful for all of you, and I think this is our longest podcast today. What do we think, Gary?

It was good. We had. We got beige flags, we got red flags. We got flags left and right. It was. It was fantastic.

All right, anything else you want to add?

No, I think that sounds good.

All right, go enjoy that softball game. And thank you all so much for joining. This is really fun. And avoid those guys with those red flags like the plague. We're here for you. We'll talk to you guys next next week.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

All right, so now you've reached the end of the show. Please make sure you follow and subscribe to the Love Strategies podcast wherever it is that you're listening, so that you never feel alone again on your journey to love. As always, if you want to unlock all of our love strategies and begin your love life transformation, head on over to love strategies.com to get started. Stay beautiful and speak to you next week.