9 Things to Look for in the Man You Marry

Ladies, the qualities that you look for in a boyfriend is completely different than the qualities you look for in a husband. And it's so easy to fall into this trap of you go on a first couple of dates and someone is incredibly charming, they're incredibly successful, incredibly handsome. Maybe your ex-husband was this way, but it turns out that every weekend he really loves just kicking little puppies. Like, that was his favorite pastime. And because we love puppies here, we would never never, never allow any of our clients to get involved with someone like that, I want to reveal to all of you right now the 9 things to look for in a man that you marry. And what I'm going to be talking about is going to be very different from some of the advice that you hear out there on the interwebs, because so many of the dating gurus out there and coaches and all that stuff, they'll say for you to find your high-value man. And here at Love Strategies, we inherently believe that that's actually the wrong core focus. We don't want to find a a high-value man. We want to attract a high-character man. And this doesn't mean that a high-character man can't be successful, charming, and really interesting and really good in bed. It just means that as the core focus of what it is that we're looking for in a person that we're going to spend the rest of our life with, they're going to have high character. My name is Adam Lodolce. I'm the CEO of Love Strategies and executive love coach here, and I love acronyms. And I have turned the word character into an acronym. So here are the 9 things to look for in the man that you marry. The first one, the C in character, is that he is caring. When someone is caring in a relationship, it means that they just have a deep concern for your well-being. And this can be expressed in very small moments or in very big moments. An example of a small moment, it actually happened this past weekend because my wife, she got a pedicure. And I'm sure you all have experienced this where they go a little bit too deep and her toe has gotten a little bit infected. But of course, because she's my wife, she still wanted to wear these really tight boots that she knows she shouldn't have wore with these big heels. And we showed up to a restaurant, I couldn't find parking, so of course I'm going to drive up to the front of the restaurant, drop her off, and then I'm gonna go park like a half a mile away, and I'm going to walk my ass to the restaurant while she sits and has her dirty martini waiting for me. That's a small example of being caring, but there are many, many moments in relationships where someone might even be doing something that is against their best interests. And when you're in a caring relationship, that means your partner is going to step in, have a conversation with you, and guide you, support you, and help you through that process. They care about you from the deepest part of their soul. They want nothing more than for you to win in life. The H in character is that this guy is really fucking hot. And I mean super hot. Like, you show the online dating profile of this guy to your friends and they're like, damn, oh my God, I need a piece of that guy. Guys, I'm just kidding. The H is not for hot, it is for honest. Ladies, I'm messing with you. Yes, do I want you to be with a guy that you are incredibly attracted to? Of course. But that's not going to be a part of character. No, that's how most people date out there, and then they wonder why in 3 months they're dating a guy who likes to kick puppies. Instead, we're gonna go for someone who is honest, someone who really cherishes honesty as the core function of a healthy, loving relationship. He'll tell you the truth even when it hurts. And I get it, there are moments in relationships where just telling telling a little bit of a white lie can really, really make things so much easier. But white lies turn into small lies, and then small lies turn into bigger lies, and then bigger lies turn into massive, insanely cheating-on-you-constantly type of lies. So from this day forward, I encourage all of you to have this as a core part of your focus when you're looking for a man. He must be 100% honest with you, and if he's not, we say that magical 4-letter word, which is next, and and we move on to the next, because if he's willing to lie about the small things, trust me, there are more things under that rug. The A in character is for affectionate. Now look, men do show affection in different ways than women. Typically, women are much more expressive with their emotions. They're much better at telling someone about how they feel. Women tend to be much more in tune with their emotional state, whereas men tend to be more affectionate through action. Men who are high character are going to give you affection through their consistent action over time. Now this going to depend on the woman and depend on what it is that she desires. Some women like flowers, other women like quality time spent together. This is the only time where love languages come into play here at Love Strategies. It is helpful to understand how it is that someone wants to receive your affection, but a man who's truly affectionate is going to understand what it is that you really desire in a healthy relationship, whether it is that quality time, whether it might be some gifts, whether it might be more praise in the relationship, whatever it is that you desire, he's going to be constantly trying to figure out what it is that you really want. And when a man is not affectionate, you're going to always be wondering how it is that he feels about you. You're going to be watching endless videos online. Does he love me? Does he not love me? Where do I stand? Is this a committed, exclusive relationship? You're always going to be confused. The R in character is for reliable. When the dude says he's going to do something, does he follow through on that? If he says he's going to get better at communication, is he going to actually follow through? If he says he's going to start spending more time with you, does he actually spend more time with you? If he says that he wants to spend more time with your family, does he still find any excuse in the world when the next family event comes around to like just dip out and leave? Or does he stay because he knows that that's really important to you? This one can be really tricky because when you're in the early stages of dating, dating someone who's extremely reliable can actually sometimes be not that hot because this person is just being very consistent. And for many of you, I know, I know you say that you want a consistent guy, but when that guy comes in your life who's a little bit mysterious, he's a little bit hot and cold, you never really know what you're going to get with him, that can actually be a little bit of a turn-on. But I need you to fight that with all of your willpower. If you end up with someone who's unreliable, who's constantly hot and cold, who it feels like you're on this emotional roller coaster constantly, I promise you, your life will become an emotional roller coaster. The A in CHARACTER is for accountable. In any relationship, even if it's the healthiest relationship in the world, I promise you, you're gonna make mistakes and he's gonna make mistakes. That's not necessarily the problem. It doesn't mean you're going to have a perfect relationship, but when mistakes happen, Does he take accountability for it? Let's say, for example, you get in a really, really bad fight. It's just a blowout fight and he loses his temper. He leaves the house and slams the door in this really dramatic fashion. A guy who is not accountable to his behavior will blame you. You are the one who triggered him. You are the one who was gaslighting him. You are the one who is manipulating him. You, you, you, you are the problem. Whereas a man who is accountable to his actions will take responsibility. He'll take accountability. He'll take ownership. The problem isn't the fact that he lost his temper a little bit or even slammed the door. The problem is that he's not willing to take accountability and learn and grow from it. The C is for commitment-focused. If the C word is kind of like a curse word when you're around this guy, anytime you talk about commitment, he's just like, no, then I promise you, you will not be in an exclusive, long-lasting, committed relationship with this man. Because ladies, I look at myself as an executive love coach guiding all of you into the right man, the right relationship, I look at myself as kind of like the big brother watching out for you. I'm here to protect you. And I promise you, there's about, if I had to say, 10 to 20% of guys out there who want absolutely nothing to do with a committed relationship. And they will subtly make this known anytime you talk about commitment, anytime you talk about the future, anytime you talk about marriage. If you're further along in a relationship, anywhere from 6 months to a year, anytime anything like that comes up, they're going to change the topic of conversation and move on to something else. Whereas a man is commitment-focused is going to talk about relationships. He's going to talk about commitment. He's going to talk about what the future could look like between the two of you. And more importantly, that's going to be exciting to him. You can't convince a guy who doesn't want a committed relationship into wanting that type of relationship. He's got to be at a stage in his life where he values security, where he values monogamy, where he has a positive view on those things. And that might change throughout his life. But if you're dating a guy where he's in a season of life where he doesn't want commitment, Ladies, you will not change him. The T in character is that he's got to be tall. Like, I'm talking like at least 6 feet, but I'm thinking like 6'2", 6'4". I want him to be so tall that when he walks into a room, everyone kind of lifts up their head and looks at him and says, wow, who is that guy and who is he dating? No, I'm just messing with you. Tall is not part of being a high character man. No, there are plenty of guys who are under 6 feet who might be 5'10" and maybe even a little bit shorter who are incredibly high character guys. The T in character is for tested. What do I mean by tested? You can only truly understand someone's character when they are tested under extreme circumstances. I want to see this guy in stressful moments. I want to see him at his worst, and I want to see how he shows up. I'm going to make the assumption that most of the women watching this video have never been to war, and that's a very good thing. But most of you have probably watched movies where there's war. And if you think of like Band of Brothers, if you've ever seen that series, you don't have to have seen that in order to understand this concept. But in those shows, these guys will be going to war before war, and you're like, oh my God, this guy is going to be so cool and collected when he gets into, you know, into battle. And then suddenly, the moment a shot is fired, they completely crumble. Whereas other guys who are completely unassuming, the moment the first shot is fired, they rise to the occasion. They show their true character, that they're a real man who can actually step up and protect and be able to guide and be with the team. Now, Of course, the hope is that none of us are ever in war in life, but many of us will go through times in our life where it feels like we're in a battlefield. And when you're with the right man and the right partner, he's going to be tested under these circumstances, and he's going to rise to the occasion. And this is why our clients move very slowly throughout the dating process before we commit exclusively to a person. We have a powerful series of steps. We call them the 7 Little Love Steps that all of our thousands of clients have gone through. And one of the steps is called Little Love Step 5, where we pace the progression of our connections. And the reason we move slow in this Little Love Step is because we want to see this guy tested in various situations. How does he respond after a bad day at work? How does he respond when his steak comes out and it was supposed to be medium rare but it was medium? How does he respond when there's a miscommunication in the relationship, which inevitably comes up? Little Love Step 5 gives us the time to really evaluate and see how this guy works under pressure. And if you want to learn all the 7 Little Love Steps, I'll leave a link in the description. You can go through that or head on over to thelovesteps.com. We have an entire free training that'll walk you through that exact process. The E in character is for emotional stability. Now what I want you to do is take a beat, think back to all of the relationships you've had in your life. Have you ever been with a guy who you don't know who you're coming home to? It could be the happy-go-lucky guy who's had the greatest day of his life and everything is just dandy, Or it's the man who's just in a terrible mood and you feel like you're literally walking through a minefield, like anything you say could potentially just set off like a nuclear bomb. The most important skill that an adult can learn is how to manage their emotions. And unfortunately, it's not possible to lead a life as a high-character person if your emotions are dictating every single move that you're making. So leave a comment right there below if you've ever dated a guy who's emotionally unstable. Share it with the community and use this as a warning sign. Read through the comments. Avoid that type of guy at all costs. And finally, the R in character is that this guy is ripped. I mean, like, he takes off his shirt and it's not just a six-pack, but it's an eight-pack that you can just run your fingers through. Come on, we know that it's not ripped, because even if he is ripped right now— and I want you to date a guy who's ripped if you're ripped and that's something you're really into, that's fine— but I promise you, in 20 years, it's not going to matter. What matters more is the R, that he is respectful. A high-character man will only be in a relationship with a woman who he respects more than anyone else in his life. So from this day forward, we are not going to settle for guys who are just high value. We are going to find a man who's high character. And if you found that you always get sucked into the wrong relationships with the wrong men, I would love to be a part of your love journey. For a limited amount of time, I have something very special for you where you can apply for what we call a complimentary love strategy session where someone on my team is going to meet with you one-on-one and understand why it is that we continue to attract these low-value guys, how it is that we can attract a high-character man, and we're going to walk you through this exact process. If at the end of that conversation we decide that Executive Love Coaching is right for you, we would love to welcome you into our community and everything we're doing around here. If not, you can walk away from that conversation, Feeling confident that you know exactly how to proceed forward in your love life. If you want to claim your complimentary love strategy session, just head on over to loveapply.com, answer a few short questions, get on that calendar, and one of our love strategists will guide you every single step of your love life. Thank you all so much for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please give it a like, give it a share, share it with a friend who needs to hear this. And again, leave that comment. We will walk with you every single stage of your journey so that you can attract that high-character man you truly deserve. All right, speak soon. Bye-bye.