The Psychology of Body Language: 7 Ways to Capture Men's Attention

All right, so before we get to the podcast, we do not run any ads on this podcast and never will. All we ask in return, if you enjoy the podcast, please give it a review wherever it is that you listen to it. Just tap that bar, give us whatever star you want to give us, and leave that review. We really appreciate it. It helps us out a lot and helps us spread a little love that I think the world needs. All right, let's get to the podcast. All right, in today's pod, we're going to be talking about the psychology of body language. 7 Ways to Capture music men's attention. We're going to be using some research to talk about the types of body language that actually draws men in from across the room. Let's be giving you a few subtle power plays from how you hold your drink to where you might position yourself and even be able to flip the script on that kind of, like, needy energy to the make him come to you, Gary. This is going to be a good one. We might even be talking about flirting.

You ready to flirt a little bit about flirting? A little bit. Like, flirty looks a little, a little, you know, how to be a little handsy, like, how to use your voice. Right? All these things to keep him hooked without overthinking it.

Yeah, maybe I should have brought on the wig on this one, you know, to just, just, you know, I don't need the wig. I'll just show you the flirty hair flip. What do you think?

I, I, I'm captivated by you. That's what I think.

Here's. Am I drawing you in right now?

You are drawing me in. What I like about today is it's like my bread and butter. It's psychology. Right? But it's these things that women can do to capture a guy's attention that don't require, like, in some ways, it'd be easier if you're out somewhere. You could just kind of shout across the room and be like, hey, you, I like you. You want to talk? But clearly we don't do that. And that's needy and not romantic. And so, like, how do we show interest in a way that empowers a guy to act, that kind of activates him to feel comfortable enough to come over and talk to you?

Yeah. Well, it's so funny because when I first started as a love coach, going back almost 20 years now, I mean, this is like, way back again. Okay, not 20 years, 17 years ago, I started working with men. And all of my work involved with going out with Groups of guys and helping, like, kind of the guys that you would look past. Like, the women I'm speaking with, not you, Gary. You look at these, but. But the women that aren't listening, like, you wouldn't look, you wouldn't give these guys a second look. And I would help them build their confidence to meet women. But here's the thing. I was such a rookie when I first started that I focused so much of my attention on what they say. So I would give them, like, very specific things. Like, okay, if you say these things, here's great questions to ask, here's great conversational topics. And at first, nothing, nothing worked. Like, it just, it wasn't clicking. I'm like, I'm a terrible love coach. I really don't know what I'm doing. And I didn't know what I was doing. This is a long time ago. But it wasn't until I dove deep into body language and started working on my own body language. As I became a professional speaker and, you know, my own evolution in my life started teaching them very specific things to do with their body language. And I would be going around with these guys and like poking them and be like, dude, smile, smile. Like, just smile and raise your energy. And this was the highest leverage point of everything we did. Like, it didn't matter what they were saying. It mattered how they say it, said it. And just to kind of finish this 17 years later, now we do these in person workshops with our clients and we'll sometimes have nights out where we go out with them. And the same. I didn't think that the same thing would apply with women in the sense of, like, would this have such a high leverage point for women? And it might even be a bigger leverage point for women, honestly, because so few women do this. What we're about to go over, like, most women don't even focus on their body language when they're going out. I think men are like more in tune with trying to, you know, win over a woman and pursue women when they go out there. Like even a little more focused on it than women do. So my long story short is if you focus on the things we're about to talk about, this puts you in the 99.9 top women, 0.01% of all women out there. I mean, you are at the very tippity top, for sure.

Can I give you another percentage? Yeah. So in science, we call all this body language stuff, we call it non verbal communication. And at least 55% of the messages we send are through nonverbal communication. And sometimes some estimates are even. It's even higher than that. And so it really is so much less about what you're saying and much more about how you say it, how you look when you say it. And that's what makes all this fascinating because so few people really think about it. It's like, what is this special thing I'm going to say? But what we're going to talk about today is how to stand, what to do with your hands, what to do with your drink, and a whole lot more. And so we are going to talk about the seven easy body language techniques you can use to drive men wild. Wild. Wild, Adam. Wild.

Wild. Let's do it. Jump us. Let's jump into the first one. Go for it, Gary.

Okay. I'm not gonna lie. I kind of love this one because I had to do a little research on this when I thought of this. And so I'm calling this wear your captivating cape. And like a cape, like a superhero cape. And so this is the opposite of what a lot of people do when they're out. And because you're a little nervous. So when you're a little nervous, your body reflects that. So cap, you kind of make your. You kind of shrink and hope no one notices you because you're a little bit nervous. Your head's down, you roll your shoulders, you're kind of hunched over. And what that made me think of is it's like wearing a shawl. It's like, you know when you wear a shawl and you kind of like roll your shoulders and you kind of tuck yourself in, and it's just like this self protective kind of thing. And I'm like, okay, so that's obviously what you don't want to do. I was like, what's the opposite of that? Like a cape. Cape is like a superhero. And so not knowing literally anything about fashion, I did a little bit of a deep dive into what fashion people say about capes and what they say about how to stand with a cape. And it's all the exact right stuff. And I was just, just thrilled. And so here, here's what, how you're supposed to stand if you're wearing a cape, according to fashion experts. So this is secondhand information. So stand with your shoulder slightly back and relaxed so that the cape drapes naturally around your body. Stand still so the cape doesn't sway back and forth, which again, like the swaying back and forth is conveying nervous energy. Standing still is confidence. And, you know, come, come see Me. These mannerisms create a graceful and elegant posture. Good posture with a slightly wider stand, like so you don't keep your feet together, your feet slightly wider apart. Again, you kind of. You're taking up space. And this is to allow the cape to properly drape and not constricting your movement. And clearly I'm not saying you have to go wear a cape, though you're welcome to. In my deep dive, I think women actually look fantastic in a cape.

But you have a cape fetish now.

It turns out I now and I'm getting a lot of Facebook, it does. Everything I just said about how to wear a cape, you can do that without wearing a cape. And it's exactly what we would suggest and science would suggest you do in terms of how you stand to appear more confident and to be more approachable.

That's it, Gary. Our next event. We're buying capes for everyone. We're going out. Superhero vibe. This sounds amazing. I love it. Now, with that in mind, the second one. And this is counter to a lot of advice out there, but we take a very different approach, which is be easy to approach. Make yourself open to the room. We're not playing hard to get when it comes to going out and meeting men. We'll do that later. Once he's met you, he's built a connection. He asks you out. That's where we pace things. We move slow because we are hard to attain. We're never playing hard to get. We are just. We are hard to attain. But when it comes to meeting people, I want you to be at the high traffic area, not tucked into a corner talking to your other single girlfriend about how men are the worst. No guys ever come talk to you? No. You know, I don't want you crossing your arms when you have uncrossed arms, looking outward, looking around the room and just owning the room. Like, if you're with a big group, that's never going to be very helpful. Guys are never going to approach a group of women more than two, maybe three max. So go out with another single girlfriend who is also just really fun. She doesn't necessarily have to be single. She could just be your wing woman. Maybe she's married. But a person who is approachable and fun and gives great energy. This is going to be put you in the greatest position to be easy to approach. And a lot of that is positioning in the room. Make yourself very open to the room.

Yeah. And just make sure your wing woman, whoever that is, is good at not having the spotlight on them.

Yeah.

Like they want to. Your ideal person is someone who's good, who's very social, can bring people in, but is also really good at making the conversation about you and not them. Right. They don't have to be the center of attention. When you're in this room, one of the things that you're generally going to have is, you know, Adam said don't cross your arms 100%. But one of the things you're likely to have when you're out socializing is a drink of some sort. And so number three, use your drink to make him sink.

And so you're really nerding out to that.

I like this one is another one. I just love, love it. Right? So use your drink to make it think. And so how do you hold your drink? So don't hold your drink. I have, I have my coffee with two hand. When you hold it with two hands in front of you, like that might seem it. You seem shy, disinterested. Just like don't talk drink in one hand. For sure. That, that's 100%. Now a lot of times you're going to be out and any drink can do this. But get one of those like little cocktail, little stir straw kinds of things for your drink, whether you're drinking alcohol or not. But you get one of those so that you can sip your drink through the straw, right? Because you want to be like guzzling things. It's like, it's just a very alluring look to have like the little sip through the straw. You know, you're not drinking this like a 711 Big Gulp. It's just, it's an alluring kind of, kind of motion. The other thing that you can do this with a straw, you just kind of do this with your glass is play with the ice. Now when you play with the ice in your glass, it requires you to like look down and focus on it. But then as your head points down towards the cup, you can look up with your eyes. And that is. We talked about this on a previous pod. One of the science backed flirtiest faces you as a woman could make for a guy. Head down, tilted slightly, eyes up, kind of looking like I'm playing with mice. I'm playing with mice.

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. I love it. And it really, that is something I would work on with men a lot. I have my purple water over here. But instead of having the drink in front of you and yeah, play with the ice every once in a while. That does require two hands. But don't do it the whole time. But actually practicing holding your drink next to you is actually kind of hard to do. Like, we're very used to holding our drink right in front of us, like, right in front of our chest. But that creates, once again, a gap between you and him. So learning to hold your drink to the side, it's subtle, but it's very powerful. And notice it. At least if you're still practicing or thinking about it, notice it when guys do it, because you'll see that if a guy has a drink right in front of you and right in front of his chest, and it's creating this barrier between you and him, it breaks rapport. So it's worth thinking about.

Yeah, it makes it look a little bit like an emotional support drink. Like, it's like a security blanket drink. And it's like, even with one hand, if you're always, like, clutching it to your chest, it's a. It just. It doesn't convey approachability.

Amen. Amen. Leading us to number four, which is show a little bit of vulnerability. That's as in showing your neck, the areas of your body that tend to be a little bit, you know, a little bit vulnerable by nature. Right. Like, your neck is a very vulnerable area. It's very soft, and you know, if. If someone touches it that you don't trust, like, you're going to very quickly react to that. Right. And there's. There's a lot of evolutionary backing to that as well as, like, flipping your hair, tucking your hair behind your ear, but not in, like, a fidgety or nervous way, more of, like, an interested way as he's talking, you know, like, there's. There have been moments where I've spoken with a woman, and every, like, 30 seconds, she's tucking her hair. It's a little bit much. But if every couple of minutes or, you know, every five minutes, she just has a moment where she's touching her hair, it's incredibly alluring, incredibly sexy. The final thing I will say on this, on vulnerabilities, one of the most vulnerable parts of our body is also our inner wrist. Notice that these are areas where. If someone struck you in those areas or even, you know, penetrated that in some way, like, it is a very dangerous area for someone to be near your inner wrist or your neck. But if you're showing your inner wrist more, that is actually a great way to show that vulnerability. And if a man is. If. If you're comfortable touching a man's wrist or he's comfortable touching your wrist or neck, that is an incredible way to build intimacy very quickly.

Yeah, I like what you were saying about the hair. The. The hair is a really big deal. And this is something, you know, from talking to our clients at live events when we. When we take them out, they always like, what am I supposed to do with my hair? And it's like, some of them, like, get the nervous, and it's like, okay, you're going to want to do that, but rather than thinking about your hair, like, be intentional about it. And I. The thing that I usually suggest that people find helpful is think of playing with your hair. A move with hair as, like, a punctuation. Like, it's a point of emphasis. Like, I'm about to tell you something vulnerable. Flip the hair. Like, so you just. You kind of, like, put it in there as, like, these subtle conversation breaks to emphasize certain things. And that allows you to do it in an intentional way so you're not like, thinking about, like, twisting your hair and, like, constantly, because it just. It comes off as looking. Looking nervous. So Adam mentioned about wrists. So number five, body language is be a little handsy, Gary. Be a little hands.

Come on, hands. Not that. Not this soon. Come on, we got to slow this down.

When you're talking, when you're talking. So use your hands to gesture, to point, to point around. Very much related to the, you know, risks are vulnerable. Show your palms. The more you show your palms when you're talking, it's a subtle sign, again, that builds trust because it's this, like, almost evolutionary signal. Like, I don't have anything in my hands. Trust me. Like, you know, how many times, like, oh, like, you put your hands up and me, like, not me. I didn't do it right. And so just being comfortable and casual. We also, if you watch anybody speak, you watch any decent TED Talk, people are speaking with their hands in a way that flows from what they're saying. Every once in a while, you'll see somebody do it, like, arbitrarily, where, like, their. Their hand motions don't really match what they're saying. It just looks really weird. But if you can kind of get in the habit of using your hands, not too much, but just to punctuate, to emphasize, to clarify. It's super, super alluring because it's just. It, again, shows this person who is so in, well in control of themselves speaking. It just. There's something appealing about it. One of the things you can do with being handsy is you can touch the other person. You can break the touch barrier, but Adam, there, there is good touching and bad touching.

Well, we're not going to rub his inner thigh on the first date, right?

Good job, Good job. You do good on that.

But like, like lightly touching his forearm whenever he says something even remotely funny or interesting sends a massive, massive signal to him that you're interested. So, yes, absolutely. Breaking the touch barrier is one of the easiest ways to indicate interest. Yeah, the next one. Gary, I know you love this one, which is making your eyes sparkle. It's the smile that reaches the eyes. Gary, can you try it?

Oh, my gosh. So please, no one ever look at that. That is the most awkward thing I might have ever done.

Yeah, good thing. Most people are just listening on the pod, so no worries. But why don't you walk us through the research on this?

Yeah. And so there's different kinds of smiles. And so the one that reaches your eyes, right? It, it does kind of. It's a big enough smile. It's authentic. It's something that really, you know, it's like that look you get when you, you know, you're delighting in something. And so what it does is when someone else sees that smile that makes your eyes sparkle, that reaches the eyes, it activates the reward centers in their brain and signals approachability. There's no place on earth where a smile is a threat. Like, it's not. There's literally no culture where it's like, hey, they're smiling, I'm going to murder you. Smile is, I like you. I, I want to approach you, I want to talk. And it's like. But it's got to be a real smile. And so that's why the smile that reaches the eyes is a real, authentic, fully felt and fully experienced smile. And it's, it's really that smile that's, it's open and inquisitive. It's like you're looking at the most amazing thing. It's like you're dying to hear something amazing that the person is bound to share. And I think this is like one of those important things in conversation that we don't give enough credit to is how you are looking when someone else is telling a story or is about to talk. If you look more interested, they're going to tell you better stuff. If you look kind of bored, like you're, you're paying attention, but you're not really into it, they're just not going to tell you the same kinds of things because you gotta, you gotta read the room. And you're not a. You're not A good crowd.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's something that is such obvious advice when it comes to dating and meeting people, but so few people actually put into practice. Practice. And it requires training. Like, I had to truly train myself when going out to frankly fake a smile when I wasn't in the mood. And the beautiful part is when you fake a smile, it sends signals to the brain that you're actually happy. And so if you get into a habit and you train yourself to smile when you walk into a room, to smile when you're having a conversation with someone, to smock, which is smiling while talking, coin that phrase. But it's a great way of not only once again, sharing with the person that you're interested and you're excited to talk with them, but it's also kind of sending that signal to yourself that you're excited and interested in talking with that person. Right.

It. It.

It's such a double whammy. So for those of you who find that you might have a little bit of a rbf. What do you call it? Resting brat.

Back office.

Back office, yes. You have a different term for it. I like that resting back off face. Then I challenge you the next time you go out to just check in with yourself every minute and see are you smiling? It's like, it's crazy. When I was coaching men, like, this was the biggest thing, and I'm like, I cannot believe I get paid for a living to tell people to smile. And then suddenly a guy will just be holding no smile, and I'll like, poke him and then he'll smile, and then he'll make eye contact with the woman, she'll smile back, and then, boom, they're married. It's like that one thing, you know, like there's some time in between. Okay, obviously all that stuff, but it really was that.

Just that quick. Just that quick. Boom.

Married, done and done.

So I think, you know, smiling with the eyes, the eyes are so incredibly important. And so just a couple super quick tips with. With eye contact will go a long way. It's obviously not complete 100% of the time staring into somebody else's eyes. You want to make 60% of the time eye contact. So if you. It's okay to look away. Sometimes I think people think that that's a bad sign. It shows that you're not interested. Complete nonstop staring is creepy. You're going to give somebody the ick. Add in with your eyes, like a little flutter, like a little. You know, everyone, you know, they say flash the eyelashes A little bit. Wow, that's amazing. And then, you know, little. Little flash of the eyes. You can also. When they say something kind of interesting, you do, like, a quick open of your eyes and look at, like, a. Ooh kind of thing. And then Adam talked about smoking, which is. Which is huge.

Yeah, absolutely. Now, the final point is all about how you speak. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. So I know that this doesn't sound like body language, but your tone of voice, depending on whether you're talking really loud and fast or you're talking a little bit slower, softer, it makes a drastic difference as to what it is that you're saying. Notice how I say drastic. I'm trying to emphasize that because it's a very important word in my sentence. So this is something that you really want to be aware of when you're having conversations. And I think there's a lot. This is an entire podcast, is an entire lesson in itself. But I think one of the biggest things that I see when people are on first dates or meeting someone and they're a little bit nervous is they just talk too fast. And I am the king of talking too fast in general. Like, I have to remind myself, slow it down. When in doubt, go slower. It shows confidence. It shows control. It shows that you're thinking through all the words that you're saying and focusing on the way that you are saying it. It's very difficult to focus on your tonality when you're speaking really fast. And then I have a whole story. And then yesterday I went to the gym, and then I did this and that. It's very difficult to do, to actually articulate things with the right type of punctuation, the right type of tonality when you're speaking really fast.

I also think speaking too fast, which. Which is natural, it is probably one of the things that I. I see clients struggle with the most. It also sends this signal of almost like neediness or desperation. It's like, I gotta tell you all this stuff now. I gotta tell you as much as I can, because I'm trying to sell you something. I'm trying to speak really fast because you gotta get all the details, because I don't know if we're ever gonna see each other again. I gotta land the plane now. And that's reading into it a little bit much. I don't know if guys always put that much thought into it, or maybe they don't know why they're having a negative reaction. But I do think There is some subtle underlying signal to the fast talking where. And it usually, it's kind of is like that used car salesman mentality of like, I don't know. It just sounds. Speaking calm, collected, thoughtful way. You just sound like a much more serious person. And it's a huge, huge difference. And I think a big part of this nonverbal communication is the pause. Get him hanging on your word, right? And it's like the slower you go and when there's pauses, like, he's going to have to really listen in. Like when you start speaking slower and just a little softer, people really have to like, lean in and listen. And so he asks a question, you don't have to answer it right away, right? You can say, let me think about that for a second. And then you can kind of like play with him just a little bit like, hmm, which part of that do I want to share now and which will I save for later? Right? You just kind of like make the unspoken parts work for you. Because it's not a job interview where how fast you answer something and I would even say on a job interview, how fast you answer something shouldn't matter either. But it's like, we want people who are thoughtful, we want people who are intentional, we want people who are deliberate. And let's be honest, the pauses build a little suspense, build a little curiosity. Know what I like about you. Then you see him squint a little bit. Now, I can't tell you. I can't tell you yet what I like about you. Maybe later.

You just met Master Gary. That's.

Yeah, yeah.

Clearly said it gets. When you said the part about insecurity, it reminds me. And earlier you mentioned TED talks. When I first started as a speaker, I was a professional speaker for many years. When I first started, I was so fast. I was trying to deliver so much content and just get it all out there. And it definitely came from a place of insecurity because I'm like, the more that I say, the more people will enjoy this conversation or what it is that I'm saying. But if you listen to a really good TED Talk, they will allow it. They will say something and then let it hang to really allow that to sink in. And I definitely saw in my progression because I would watch my speeches as I got better and tighter with my messaging, suddenly I had a lot of confidence to hold something for like 2, 3 seconds, which can be very, very scary when you have 2,000 people listening to you. You know, I'm sure you've experienced it's just like, you say something and it just. You could hear a pin drop. But, you know, what you just said is really profound, and you're confident in what you just said, then that is where the power lies right there.

So this is essentially the journey that every college professor goes through. And I know I did when I first started, when I lectured, it was. It was good and it was fun and it was funny, but I was, like, cramming as much as I possibly could into that class because I was scared of the silence, because you don't know what's going to happen in the silence. Now every class is like a TED Talk in the sense that it's like, I did the same thing with my actual TED Talk is like, I started with this whole big thing, and it's like I got it down to, like, less and less information, and you just kind of work the. The points in a way, and you work the rhythm, and you just. When you really get good at how to control yourself and your thoughts, your emotions, and your nonverbal communication, you can get people hanging on every word. And that's what we're after.

I love it. So be sure, use some of these strategies, get out there, be easy to approach, hard to attain. And you know what? All of this is easy if you're having fun throughout the process. So get out there, try these. These things, and focus not on just what you're saying. Actually, let's put that down a few notches and focus on the way that you're delivering it. Thank you, Gary. This is really fun. You're the best. And thanks, buddy. Talk soon.

Thanks, Adam.

So now you've reached the end of the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. And because you have proven that you are serious about attracting love, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you didn't feel that way. What I'd love for you to do is go to loveapply.com where you can apply for a complimentary love strategy session where a professional love strategist on my team is going to speak with you directly and be able to see whether or not our executive love coaching programs can be transformational for you and your love life. There's absolutely no fee whatsoever. All you got to do is head on over to loveapply.com schedule that session, and you could be speaking with someone on my team over the next couple of days. All right, thanks so much. Talk to you soon.

Bye.

Bye.