Give Me 20 Minutes and I'll Make You Magnetic to Mature Men

All right, ladies, give us 20 minutes and we're going to make you magnetic to mature men. We want you to be able to attract and captivate the most high caliber guys out there. And we're going to do it a short period of time. Gary, let's get things started. Let's do this.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships.

Now, whether you're single or dating or

in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science like psychology and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of Love Strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

All right, so start the clock. So much of what we hear from our clients is, I think, get sparks going. I can get things going with guys, but it's like, how do I transition to that next phase? How do I turn it into something more? And so we're going to help you with that today. This came up because just in the. The past week we had two clients say after joining our program. First one said, I don't remember the last time I was stopped randomly in a store and asked for my number. This was at Wegmans, by the way. So she just got asked for a number. Some guy just asked for a number at Wegmans. Amazing. Another client said, my friend's been telling me that she's been seeing men fawning all over me for several weeks now. Again, that's not just sparks. That's something a little bit more than sparks. That's. That's magnetism that we're talking about. And that's how we're. What we're going to help you with today.

Why couldn't it have been like Whole Foods? I feel like that'd be better for a brand, Gary, than Wegmans. I mean, Wegmans is fantastic.

Grocery. It's just what it was, Adam.

It was what it was. But it's true. Like, look, sparks. By the sparks in itself, it's not going to cut it. There is something about a magnetism with a woman. And here's the beautiful part is it that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your looks, your age or your career, anything like that. There's something much deeper. And as a guy, I will attest there are just some women that it's like there's this magnetic draw that you just, you can't get enough of them. Like, you just want to be around this person all the time. You miss them, you think about them all the time. And that's what we want for you all. And you can learn this pretty quickly.

Yeah, you don't want to just be interesting. You want to be a magnetic you. You don't want to stop chasing men. You want to draw them in. You want to bring them to you. And here are five ways to do it. The first one is realize that it's not all about looks. Okay. Do men care about appearance? Yes. Yeah. And so should you care about your appearance also? Yes. But we want you to work on it. Not for guys. It's not for their attention. It's for your feeling. It's how you feel about yourself. Look good, feel good. This applies to men, this applies to women. But like, does it matter about looks? Kind of. But it's more about how when you look good, it's how you feel and it's that feeling that makes you magnetic. It's not your looks. Here's the thing. One of the biggest mistakes that women will make with dating is relying on their looks, relying on their sexuality to draw men in. Here's the problem. When guys see this, they feel like they already know you. They feel like they know what you're looking for. They feel like they know what type of woman you are. They feel like they know what kind of relationship this is going to lead to and it's not a long term fulfilling one. And so be sensual, not sexual. Emphasize the classy, polished, put together sense. Keep that confidence to be playful, be sure of yourself. And you know, along the way, like, use some of that, that vibe, Tease him, poke fun at him. Right. Just that casual confidence. That's what we're looking for.

Definitely. And we all have when it comes down to your appearance. Just speaking of like clothing, for example, there was once a time when clients would ask me, oh, is this a good feeling for, is this a good look for a first date? Is this not? And I would always say, hey, I am not a clothing guy, especially for women. Keep me out of it. What's most important is that you look in the mirror and say, damn, I look good. Like, damn, I feel good. Because then you're going to walk on that, walk in that first date with the right type of energy, realizing that if you look in the mirror and you find yourself massively attractive, then that energy is going to be just radiating from within you. I would say Be attracted to yourself to live a life full of love. And that's what happens when you realize it's not just about looks from a guy's perspective, it's about how you feel about yourself, which I think leads really well into the second point, which is bringing the. Yes. Energy. Right. Bringing the type of vibe and energy where you can build that right. Type of chemistry. And one thing that we've been teaching our clients, and this is especially true now, that we attract a lot of clients who tend to be in their 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s, we talk about the yes. Energy of being youthful energy. Now you might say, but Adam, that doesn't make much sense. Well, the beautiful thing is you don't have to be young in order to have youthful energy. In fact, I know plenty, not plenty. I did know plenty of women in their twenties who, who had the soul and energy of a ninety year old. And I have. Gary, we can attest to this. We have many clients in their 60s, 70s or 80s who have the vibrance of a woman who's curious, excited, has a great sense of humor of a woman who's in her 20s, but still has the wisdom of a woman her own age. And if we can learn to bring that type of yes, playful, fun energy and be just excited about the world, excited about meeting new people, can be witty, can be easy to be around, can be flexible, then that is the key. That is what magnetically draws men to you.

Yeah. And it's one of the things that with the youthfulness that Coach Robin always talks about is having a hint of mischief to you. She always talks about the devilish side, like let your devilish side out to play every once in a while. And it's like it's her way. And this I see it works so well with our clients, but it's her way of giving way women and our clients permission to not be so serious all the time, to not treat dating like a job interview, not to make it so outcome dependent, where it's like, I must find this man, I must find him by Tuesday or this is never going to work. Like, like that is this bad energy and so youthful is playful and all the things you said. One thing you left out, which I'm a little surprised, maybe a little hurt, is yes is an acronym which the why is youthful. You love a good acronym.

Oh my God, Gary, I didn't even notice. Notice that in our notes. Yeah, I love this. Why is extraordinary and sincere Extraordinary, Gary. Yeah, that's good.

Adam. Lady Adam's love Language is acronyms, I believe. Oh, it is. So the E and yes is extraordinary. And so this is an energy that feels unique, it feels special. It's confident and it's a little carefree. Like, I don't care. It's what the kids today call aura. Like, they're all like, you know, you gotta work on your aura. Like, and that's essentially what they're talking about is it's this just self assuredness that sets you apart from other people. You are a little bit different. You're yourself, and that's cool. You're completely comfortable in that. It's an unshakable calmness. But also it's not just calm in a just dry, boring kind of way. It's. You're. There's this sense of mystery and depth. Like, you're the kind of person that you're so confident that when someone meets you, they just don't feel like they can get the full sense of you from that first meeting. Like, they have to know a little bit more. And we always talk about this in terms of contradictory qualities. It's like you have qualities in you that are very, very different, right? Like I'm a nerdy professor type that Adam likes to say all the time. But I also. You will also find me on Sundays screaming at the television, watching football. Right? Like, those are two very different kind of archetypes in many ways, but I embody both of those. And it's like, it's those juxtapositions that really make people interesting.

100%. And the S in yes acronym, which I love, is sincere. It's that authenticity that makes those around them feel warm, safe, comfortable. Gary, you always call it the quirkiness advantage, which is don't be afraid of revealing those parts of yourself that are a little weird, that are a little quirky, that are a little strange. Because for whatever reason, when we're dating, we always want to hide all those attributes. And we just want to, in many ways, not rock the boat on the first date. But what that does is, especially if we're meeting a lot of people through online dating, we'll go on a lot of first dates, but we just won't stand out. I don't care if you're really into knitting by the beach in the water in a wetsuit. All right? I thought of the weirdest things possible, and that's like your favorite pastime. Talk about it, talk about it. That's your quirkiness advantage, right? Every one of us has quirky, weird things that we're interested in, reveal those sides of you, because I assure you, that is what they will remember when they leave the date. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter that you knit by the water in your wetsuit and, you know, do something weird. Nothing. None of that matters. What matters is how he feels about that. When you told him that, when he has a good laugh and he has a connection with you, he's like, oh, my God, that's so fun. That's so different. I also like to do this other weird thing, and then suddenly you're bonding, and that's what creates the bond between the two of you, and that's what creates that magnetism.

Yeah. And it just shows you don't take yourself all that seriously. And it gives. When you're. When you're able to, like, laugh at yourself a little bit and be like, yeah, I do this kind of weird thing. It also opens it up for guys to feel like they can use their sense of humor, which is one of their most preferred ways of relating to people often. And so it just. It greases the wheels for all that to happen.

Right.

Number three, I think we have to. We're at 10 minutes to go. Halfway there. So number three, have a life he wants to be a part of. Now, just for a moment, think about what draws you in to certain men while others feel boring. Right? The guys that are interesting, they have a life. They have stuff to talk about. They've done things. They've been places. They've done some interesting things this week. And so it's the same for guys. The high character guys that you're looking for, they're looking for a real partner. They're looking for someone who has a lot going on, who has a life, who has some things going. If he says, what you been up to late? And you're like, nothing. Work. Watching Netflix. Doom. Scrolling on my phone. Boring. This is Bo. That's not magnetic. Like, that's just not gonna do it. And so one of the things we emphasize with clients all the time is, like, create your own amazing life. Do things. Build a life that any man would want to be a part of. This way you have things to talk about. It's classes you've done, thinking things that you're passionate about, right? Like, what have you been learning? What have you been doing? This all makes you more alive, more interesting. Enthusiasm is contagious. So use that to your advantage.

And that's the key word is your enthusiasm. Because you don't have to actually be that Interesting. In order to display this, for example, when I started dating in my 20s, I honestly didn't have a lot going on in my life. I didn't have a lot of hobbies, a lot of interests, but I always wanted to play the guitar. So guess what? I went to the local store and bought like a 75 guitar. And I started learning in a week's time, four different chords. And little fun fact, if you learn four chords, you can play like 80 of the songs out there on a guitar. I don't know if you know that, Gary, but yeah, I started playing guitar and guess what I was talking about on the date that I've been playing the guitar recently. It's true. I'm not saying I'm a good guitarist. I'm not lying that I've been playing guitar for 10 years. I'm saying my new thing is I've been playing the guitar. Interesting. Okay, that adds a little bit of flavor for those of you who don't want to play the guitar. Taking some type of class. If it's pickleball, you just joined a league, you're playing pickleball. You don't have to be a good pickleball player to have enthusiasm and passion for pickleball. Okay? It's not even about the pickleball. Who cares? He might not even like pickleball, but he's going to be enthralled by your passion for it. And by the way, since we only have 20 minutes to talk about this right now, we have an extra resource for all of you listening in. Gary and I put together a really a special seminar called the Love Captivation Code. And if you just go to lovecaptivation.com it's a free seminar that's going to walk you through a number of ways to captivate men. We'll also be throwing in 10 captivating questions that you can ask a guy when you're going out with them. So again, that's@lovecaptivation.com. you're not going to want to miss that one.

Awesome. So number four. The key to being magnetic is being fully present. This is a, this is something that's a big theme in my all time favorite book, Tuesdays with Mori. It's also a part of Buddhist teaching. But it's so important on a date, when you are there, sitting across from somebody, that is the only thing in the world that matters, you're fully there. You're fully locked in. No phone, no distractions. Right. You're not thinking about anything else. You're Giving this person your full and complete attention. Because when you do, you, you're going to be able to find the nuggets of interesting things about them. You're going to be able to ask good follow up questions. You're going to figure out more quickly what makes the guy interesting. It's going to stand out because so few people are truly that locked in and fully present when we're talking to them. So just the fact that you are fully present, it's going to be like wow, like it's so nice. And you, you will experience this too. It is very it so nice and refreshing to be around somebody who is really fully present. The other important thing is while you are there on the date, your only job besides being fully present is to have fun. No judgments, no deciding, no weighing no. Is this person good? What did he say about this? What do I think about this? Do I want to be with him? What's this going to look like in 20 years? None of that. Be in the moment. Be where your heart is, be where your feet are and just be.

Just be. You can do all that evaluation when you get home and, and think about it over a glass of wine, watching your show, you can do that afterwards. But when you're there, be present. And what I will say is in this day and age, if you are the type of person who instead of putting your phone in your pocket, you're putting it on the, the, the table. Oh my God, that's like 95% of people. If you're, if you don't do that, you set yourself apart from everyone else out there. So just please don't be the person who takes your phone, puts it on the table. Because anytime you get a little ding, that's more important than your date. Oh, Gary, I don't know about you, but that like grinds my gear so much.

It's so distracting and it's the easiest thing. And you can even say like, oh, you know, I'm gonna put my phone on silent, right? And then that will encourage them to also do the same thing. And now you're both fully present, right. And so it's just good habits. Okay, so five minutes left. The last one. Number five. Way to be magnetic. This is such an easy one in many ways. I say this for last because it's the hardest one to believe, but it might be the most effective, which is don't focus on being interesting. Don't try to wow him. Don't try to make him think, geez, she's the best. Like none of that stuff. Like, don't focus on being interesting. Instead, you're going to focus on being interested. This reduces the pressure on you immensely. This makes first dates so much easier because instead of going that first date, like most people do, going in, like, how do I get him to like me? Will he like me? Will he, like, what do I need to say? How do I say this perfect thing to make sure that this comes off perfectly and so that he really likes me? We throw all that out, and we're just like, all we're gonna do is figure out what's interesting about this guy. And every person on this planet is interesting. Your job is to figure it out. Ask good questions. Figure out how he's awesome. You know who's gonna love this more than anybody else? Him. You know what? This is gonna make him think you're awesome, too. No one does this for us. We're all too busy in our own little world. But it's like someone really listening to you, really trying to figure you out. That's something. And it's super simple. He says anything remotely, vaguely interesting that you're curious, you just kind of, like, lean across a little bit and like, ooh, Tell me more about that. Right? Amazing.

Yeah, 100%. And it doesn't mean, like, earlier we were talking about how important it is to be an interesting person. We still want you to be an interesting person. It's just being on a date. We're not going into the date trying to ensure that he knows how interesting you are. It's like, we're not going on the date trying to impress him in every way, shape, or form. It's like, there's a video that I know if I release, I'll get a million views, but I hate releasing, and I don't release them anymore. And that is how to get a guy to like you. Right. Like those types of videos. And don't quote me on. I'm sure we had some type of video like that in the past. But, like, it sends the wrong message, which is, I'm trying to just get him to like me. It instead. It's like, ask the right types of questions when you're on a date and find him interesting, Find those pieces of him that are just captivating to you because it's so rare. Most everyone's going on a date just trying to talk about how great they are, all their accomplishments, how amazing they really are, and actually doesn't build any type of real connection. Yeah.

It doesn't build warmth. And just think about how it feels when you're on a date with a guy and he basically, like, resume dumps on you and just shares, like, all his amazing accomplishments. Like, you're like, okay, that's all nice, but it's not building a connection. It's not building this bond between people. And, like, that's what we really want. And it's. Give him some credit. Right? Lean across to him and say, you know, tell me more. But also let him know, you're really interesting. You're not like other guys. Like, I really like talking to you. We don't get. Guys don't get those kind of compliments. And, you know, genuine compliments like that. Oh, my gosh. You want to be magnetic to a man. That is an easy way to do it.

Yeah. I mean, I remember when I made this shift in my dating life. Like, I used to do a lot of the. The. I would just give all the information about myself trying to impress a woman. And I realized, first off, I'm. It wasn't working and it wasn't creating engaging conversation. She wasn't really attracted to me by me telling her about my life and things like that. So instead, I would just ask as many questions as I could, really try to understand her. Not only would it build more attraction, but I also get to really know her. And what I would find after even an hour conversation of me asking questions, a woman will kind of look at me and be like, wow, you're a really interesting guy. And I think to myself, you don't know anything about. You ask me any questions. I've been asking you questions. So it has this really interesting effect when you're just asking lots of questions, really trying to get to know someone. It builds this amazing bond. You get them talking and get them engaged, and then, yeah, you can build amazing connections. So, Gary, this was a really fun one. I hope you all enjoyed. And if you want to take this whole thing to the next level and you want a little bit of coaching in your love life by following what we call the seven little love steps, then I suggest you jump on a love strategy session with someone on my team. They can walk you through this process, see if we can take you from where you are right now to where it is you want to go in your love life by following this process. Head over to love apply.com you can apply for that session. We'll jump on a call and guide you in your love life. Gary, thank you so much for your time. This was great, man. Appreciate it.

Absolutely. Wait, we have 11 more seconds. Do we want anything else you want to say? No. Okay. Thanks for listening, everybody.

We look great today. Buddy. You do, too, pal. All right, thanks, man. And that's it.

Done. All right. Thanks, buddy.