7 Things Men Secretly Desire More Than Looks

Ladies, there are 7 things that men secretly desire so much more than just physical attraction, than just your looks. And so I went around my house today, compiled a bunch of unique things that I found that represent the various things that men really want in a woman and a lifelong partner. And so you're probably wondering, what's the most important thing that men really want in a woman? It's very simple. Cash. He's looking at you to see if you can be his sugar mama. I'm kidding. Money and your physical appearance do not create lasting relationships because it doesn't build what I call emotional attraction. Because in reality, your physical looks, it might get him to initially notice you, but it's definitely not going to get him to fall in love with you. And when it comes to money, if you're like our clients, you only want to date a guy who's financially stable himself. And if he already is financially stable, your money won't mean a thing to him. It's not going to be important for him as he's building emotional attraction. And so these objects here represent how to build that emotional attraction with men. And look, we've coached literally tens of thousands of women on how to do this. In short, emotional attraction is where you're really emotionally in sync with one another, where he feels something deeply for you and he will do anything to protect you. And from this day forward, I want you to spend 95% of your energy on on understanding these objects right here and what they represent, rather than so much of that anguish and that pain focusing on improving your physical appearance. Because yeah, it might get you some more attention from guys, but it's not going to get you that long-lasting relationship that you truly deserve. And so I've got 7 items on this desk that I'm going to go through right now, as well as a bonus item that I'm sitting on right now. And this is the most important I'm going to be talking about at the end of this video, because without this one thing, nothing on this desk matters. As a quick side note, if you're listening to this episode on the podcast, this is a really good one for YouTube because I got some visual doodads over here. And if you're watching this on YouTube, make sure you hit that subscribe, make sure you hit that like. That really helps us out a lot and helps us send out this empowering message to all the women out there who are focusing all of their energy on their physical appearance. So the first thing that men secretly desire in a woman is nurturing energy. And the item that I pulled from my house is this very soft, amazing blanket that my wife just loves to sleep on. Look, when you're looking to build attraction with men, it's really important to understand the differences between feminine energy versus masculine energy. If you're like most of my clients, you probably have a lot of masculine energy in your professional life. You're probably that go-getter, you're that pursuer. You got a deal, you're going to go hunt that thing down and you're going to close that deal. But the problem is when we bring that type of energy to our love life, it's really easy to then put yourself in that chaser mindset. And this throws everything out of whack because at the end of the day, we want these guys to be pursuing you. We want these guys to be stepping into that masculine energy where they are fighting with all of their energy to win you over. But the problem is if you also step into that energy, guess what happens? You start to go like this. You start butting heads. You start competing for who it is that's going to take control, who's going to be leading. And that's not fun for anyone. That's not a soft, warm, amazing blanket on a cold winter night. No, that's not fun for anyone. It's not going to be fun for him. It's not going to be fun for you. And most importantly, it's not going to build emotional attraction. Feminine energy is a nurturing energy. It's a soft energy, and it's going to be incredibly important for those of you who have a very masculine-dominated job for you to learn how to shift into this feminine energy in your dating life. And the key starting point to all of this is realizing that feminine energy is not weak energy. In fact, when you step into your feminine energy, you're the one kind of stepping back. You're receiving. You're deciding who it is that gets to deserve your attention and your affection. So in many ways, you're like the queen sitting on her throne deciding who is right for her. Feminine energy is power. Don't forget it. Feminine energy is not only powerful, but it's incredibly potent. Now moving on to item number 2, which is a very small one, which is a rock. This represents emotional stability in a relationship. And I know that this can be kind of a triggering word for a lot of people, especially when we're speaking to women about the importance of regulating emotions. But because I'm your big brother watching out for you every single step of the way, I'm an executive love coach, I'm going to tell it to you straight. Years ago, when I was coaching men on how to get out there and meet and flirt with you, I would have an introductory session with hundreds of these guys, and I really learned what it is that they want in a woman. And this topic came up constantly every time I would talk to these guys. They want to be with a person who is emotionally stable, who's emotionally regulated, who has the maturity to be able to handle their emotions when there's conflict, and to be able to understand that just because you're feeling something doesn't mean you have to blow it up and be able to express it every moment of the day. And I have a feeling every single one of you feels the same way about being with a guy. There's nothing worse than not knowing who it is that you're coming home to. I'm sure every single one of you have experienced a relationship where you come home one night and he's incredibly loving, affectionate, and kind, and then you might come home another night and he's angry, he's manipulative, he's emotionally abusive. And it's many times just the not knowing that's the most painful part of it all. If you've ever experienced anything like that, let us know in the comments below, because this community here is here to support you and guide you towards the right relationship. Learning how to be a rock and manage those emotions patience is going to be absolutely critical to your long-term success in relationships. The third item I have here is a mirror, and this represents empathy in relationships. Empathy is truly the universal attractor. I mean, so many surveys show that this is a top desire for both sexes, men and women. And empathy is essentially just trying to put yourself in his shoes, telling him things like, I hear you, I see you, I want to understand your struggles, and I want to not only understand them, but I'm gonna walk by your side once I do understand them. In fact, a recent study just showed that 90% of men say that it is very important for a woman to be caring and compassionate in order to be a good wife or partner. Now, I know what you're thinking right now. I know it. You're thinking to yourself, women are so much more empathetic than men are. And yes, that is absolutely traditionally true. Women tend to be more emotionally in tune with other people. But there's been a recent trend in dating. Where women typically are looking at men as the enemy. And I get it. Dating is hard right now. There's a certain percentage of guys out there who are taking advantage of you, who are manipulating you, who are just taking you on dates and just trying to take you home. The online dating infrastructure right now makes you feel this way, and it is absolutely true to an extent. But when we start working with a client and coaching them on how to find love, one of the first things that we do is ensure that they understand that not all men are inherently the same. There's about 10 to 15% of guys out there who are just trying to take advantage, who are just trying to sleep with you, who have no interest in commitment. And those guys give all the other guys a really, really bad rap. But I assure you, anywhere from 80 to 85% of men— by the way, this is my own statistic, but this is based on over a decade of being an executive love coach, so take it for what it is— but there's 80 to 85% of guys out there who are genuinely trying to do their best. They're trying to show up. They're trying to share a life with a woman. And in fact, a lot of studies show right now men want a committed relationship more than women do. So try your best when you're dealing with a guy who might be going through some stuff. He might not be showing up as his best self. Try using the mirror effect and having a little bit of empathy as to what it is that he might be experiencing during dating. I promise you, these guys don't have it all figured out. They're trying. They're doing their best. It's a crazy dating scene right now. So really understanding that is going to set you up for building deep emotional attraction with these guys. The fourth object is the passport. Now, this represents independence, because when you're in a healthy relationship, you're not finding your other half. It's two people independently building a life of their own while simultaneously working together as a team to build an incredible life vision. In short, have your own life, have your own friends, have your own passions, your own hobbies. It makes relationships so much more interesting when you're kind of doing your own thing. He's doing his own thing, and you can kind of come together and share what's going on in your independent lives. It's not to say that you don't have shared hobbies with your partner. Of course you want to. But at the same time, we all know plenty of people who have given up their entire identity for a relationship. And then if that relationship ends, they have to like look up into the sky and wonder, who am I? Because they've lost their entire identity. And since we're on the theme of having a passport, here's a quick tip that you all can use if you feel like a man is actually starting to pull away. Rather than sitting him down, having a long conversation with him about why it is that he feels distant right now and trying to just constantly close the gap and bring him back in, Rather than do that, go book a trip, a weekend away with some of your girlfriends. Create some space. 9 times out of 10, when you come back, he's going to be missing you and he's going to actually come back into the relationship because that space has existed. Space and independence is very healthy in a relationship. The next item is an onion. Now, the reason why I have an onion here is because it represents depth. Peeling back the layers to an onion. Here's what we don't want to do. We don't want to go on a first date, tell the guy everything about our lives from age 4 to 40, and by the end of the date, he knows everything about you. Instead, if you want to build emotional attraction with a person, don't give everything on the first date or the second date. Make it feel a little bit like peeling back an onion, like there's so much to you. And every time he's with you, there's something new that he learns that kind of like frazzles his brain. I want him coming off that date being like, I can't figure her out. Who is she? She doesn't make sense to me. I keep peeling back the onion and I keep discovering something new. And I'm crying because I'm so enthralled by her. You get it? Crying onion. You get the point. But he's so into you because he can't quite put you in a box. Be that onion. And I promise you, this man is going to continue pursuing you. This 6th item is this very cute little doll that my wife created for me. And I keep this doll right here on my desk over here. I look at it every couple of days because it's so freaking cute as a starting point, but it also represents imperfection because my wife is not exactly the best at knitting dolls. Okay. But she made it for me. And when I look at this, I actually think to myself, I love that it's imperfect. I love that all the stitching is a little bit off. It's special. It's unique for me. And so often in dating, we do everything possible to be perfect. We try and say the perfect things. We try not to, you know, ruffle feathers at all. We try and just be exactly what it is that he wants us to be. So we lose the ability to be imperfect, which causes us to be actually too perfect. And the reality is that humans bond with one another based on our imperfections rather than our perfections. There's a well-known psychological term called the pratfall effect. And that is basically when someone is a little bit imperfect or says something or does something. For example, let's say you're on a date and you're using your hands and you spill the water in front of you. It's actually kind of a bad moment in most scenarios. We think to ourselves, oh my God, what a nightmare. But that actually has a moment where you can share together, you kind of laugh it off, and that builds a bond between two people rather than breaking the bond. So I urge you when you're out there, Be your beautiful, authentic, imperfect self. Because all of us are imperfect, but that's how it is that we connect with one another. I love this little thing. And number 7 is this album. And this is where I'm stretching a little bit because I couldn't find the perfect item for this particular one. But this is Leon Bridges. My wife is really into records, so I want to bust this one out. But this represents having a home that is a safe haven. I want you to imagine coming home at night. And the lights are dim, you got a glass of wine and you put on an old record. Well, this is, this is a new record that feels old if you know Leon Bridges, but you put it on and it's relaxing and it kind of creates this safe environment. If you're dating a guy who's really successful, has a lot of chaos in his life, it's so important for us to create a home environment that feels soft, that feels safe, that feels inviting, that feels warm. Because I promise you, if he's coming home after a long day of pure chaos and all he gets is more chaos, then guess what? He is not going to be staying in that environment. Now, as promised, I have one final item, and this is a bonus item, but without this one thing, none of these ideas are actually going to resonate. And that item is a calendar. In order to be able to have that healthy, fulfilling, amazing relationship you truly deserve, we need to make relationships a top priority in our life. Making something a true intentional priority means we're thinking through our future— not the next couple weeks, not the next couple of months, but the next 3 to 30 years and thinking, what can we do now that will create a ripple effect in the future? What can we do right now that your future self will thank you for and say, oh my God, you were putting your attention on the right things? So if you are in a healthy relationship, be sure to really carve out time in your schedule, really quality intentional prioritization of your love life, because that is going to have a massive leverage point in all areas of your life. Now, if you're single and looking for love, I have something very special for you because I'm willing to give you my team's time where we will connect with you directly, talk to you, see what's going on in your love life, understand where it is that you want to go, and ensure that we have a strategy in order to get there. So click the link in the description or head on over to loveapply.com. We're going to go through a short application process, then you'll see a scheduler. This is where you'll choose a time that works for you, meet with what we call a love strategist, someone on my team who's really going to understand you, your desires, and see whether or not we can coach you and guide you in your love life. I'm willing to make time for you. The question is, are you willing to make time for your love life? Click the link anywhere below or head on over to loveapply.com because you know what? Time moves too fast. Let's make it a reality today. Click that link and I'll see you very soon. I hope you enjoyed the video.