12 Simple Tests to See if He's the One

All right, everybody. In today's podcast, we are going to be Talking about the 12 simple tests to see if a guy is the one for you. These are fun, but these are also really powerful tests you can use when you're getting out there and dating. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experience. Your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. So, Gary, what do you think? This will be a good one, man.

So I got. I gotta start. Adam, I have a question for you. Like, when you go to the store, when you go, like, grocery shopping, do you return your shopping cart to Little Corral or whatever you call it in Boston?

What am I, a psychopath? Of course I do.

Okay, right. When you're at the gym, do you re. Rack your weights?

Yes. And I deeply hate with, like, the deepest level disdain people who leave out their weights. Like, if there's ever anyone I'm going to murder at some point in my life, it'll be those people. I swear to God. That happened to me this morning.

Yeah.

Crazy, right?

So, like, in both of those cases, you do know you don't have to do those things? There's no law or anything.

Right.

But I do think, much to your point, these are tests of moral character. And the people that don't do these things should be banished to wherever you want to banish people to Arkansas, I don't know. But, like, somewhere.

Somewhere where no love exists.

There's nothing warm, there's nothing cozy there. But so, you know, I do think, like, the shopping cart test and the re racking your weights. These are, like, everyday tests of moral character. And it got me thinking, like, are there parallels in relationships where we can kind of have these simple, fun, easy to implement tests to help us get a read on our romantic partner?

Right. Well, I have another test for you, Gary. What's up? And this test just happened before we started recording for this podcast. Quick backstory. I came across a bird feeder all right? Online, and I was like, oh, this will be really nice.

It'll come.

It'll be right on my window in my office.

I love. I love this for you. I love that you're going into your bird watching phase of life. I've been there now for five years. It's glorious here.

It's glorious. But there's a punch line here. All right.

Oh, no.

And a couple days went by, no birds. I was really bummed out, and now they have found my bird feeder, and it's right outside my window, and it is like, bam, bam, bam, bam. Right before this podcast, they're just tapping at the bird feeder, and I'm about to murder these birds, man. I don't know. Is that like, low moral character? Am I failing a test here? Because I'm going crazy.

The birds are right. You leave. The birds are natural. You help them out. This is now your life. You are now own birds.

I'm a birdman. So, yeah. I don't know if Jessica should dump me if I failed this test, but I'm starting to hate this. I give this bird feeder, like, three more days. It goes in the house.

I mean, putting it right on your window is kind of a rookie move. That's. That's not the way to go. You got to put it a little further away from the house.

Tell me more, wise man. Okay. You have, like, five more years of life ahead of me.

No one wants to hear about this, but I have my blue jays trained to come for peanuts when I whistle. Like, it's. I. I'm. I'm at a level that you just can't really get to. Wow.

Well, maybe we have to have a sit down. You can teach me more. Oh, wise sage.

This is sad. All right, so in any case, back to what the listeners really care about is, you know, so why even have these simple tests in the first place? And I think it's because, you know, early in a relationship, maybe on a first date, getting to know a guy like, you kind of want to just ask him basic questions like, are you going to cheat on me and break my heart? Are you a sociopath? Are you the one? Are you the man of my dreams? And it's like, you want to ask these kinds of things. You want to find out these kinds of things, but you can ask, like, you just can't. And so, you know, there's a lot that people do wrong in trying to figure out if the person that they're getting to know is really good for them or not. And I know from talking to clients over the years, you hear a lot of ways that they go about it that just aren't ideal. And so some of the things we're going to talk about today. Are good substitutes better ideas to give you some. Some extra info?

Yeah, I mean, and we've had clients who just are working with us. I mean, we've had thousands of clients over the past decade. And I've had clients, they come in the first week and they'll be like, well, I went on a date with a guy last night and I did ask him if he's the type of guy who cheats. And I thought to myself, oh, my God, for the guys who don't cheat, they're just thinking to themselves, well, this woman has been through a lot in her life. And for the guys who do cheat, they're going to say, I don't cheat.

Right?

So we need these tests. We need ways to be able to test a guy's character to see if he's a good person. And we, of course, we don't want to waste time with the wrong guy, but we just can't ask these questions. So these tests will really help you kind of cut off some time, make sense of the world as best as possible. And think of these as like, kind of like thought experiment tests, right? They help you think about the person differently and just give you a little bit of new insights when you're meeting people.

What I like about this, and this is a little nerdy, but it's hard sometimes to just straight up ask people questions because the wrong type of person is going to lie. Are you going to cheat on me? The guy that's going to cheat on you is like, absolutely not. I would never cheat on you. I've never cheated on my in my whole entire life. Hand of God, all this good stuff. No, you. I mean, that's what we call nerdy. Here comes really nerdy self report. It's sometimes unreliable, but what is much more reliable is not listening to what they say, but watching what they do. And so some of these are thought experiments, but a lot of these are out in the wild. Keep an eye on your guy. Watch how he handles certain situations. Because as much as a guy might say he's calm, cool, and collected, some of these tests, you might get a different version of him, and probably a more realistic one.

As much as he says that he loves birds on a first date, see how he responds to the bird feeder.

Right at the first minor inconvenience of a tap, tap, tap. Does he lose his mind?

Does he want to kill? Is that a bad sign? Oh, my gosh. All right, take us to the first one. Carry this one.

Maybe laugh the first One coming in hot with this one. There's a dozen of these. The first couple are to assess long term potential. The first one is first. I just. This cracks me up. The ugly stick. So have you ever heard the expression, that person's been beaten with the ugly stick? I know it's improper, it's not okay to say. But in terms of like a thought experiment, I do think it's worthwhile to kind of look at your partner and think like, what if they got roughed up by the ugly stick? How would you feel about that? And here's, here's the harsh truth or the bad news. The ugly stick is coming for every single one of us, right? It's like it's just a matter of time. I, you know, I will say this. I'm as attractive now as I will ever be. Every day going forward is probably just going to make it worse.

That is so depressing and not true, but kind of true.

But it's kind of true, though. Okay, maybe not day by day, but definitely year by year. It's just, it's just one of those simple facts. And so we have to think about this when we're dating, if we want to figure out if he's the one, we have to factor this in. Because honestly, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to be realistic in that you can't mainly like them for their appearance. They also can't mainly like you for your appearance. Because our appearance is. We're losing it, right? I mean, that's just inevitable. It's the progress of time. It's going to happen. And so you have to just kind of ask yourself, if they still weren't hot, would you like hanging out with them? The related corollary to this is if they weren't good in bed anymore, would you still like hanging out with them? And the same for you. Like, make sure your guy's not with you only because you're attractive. There's gotta be something else there and that's gonna help you figure out if he's the one and has long term potential.

Maybe. Have an ugly stick day. Just make yourself so ugly for the day. Like, I'm talking, no makeup, just the worst clothing ever.

There's just something about this that cracks me up. And you're like, have an ugly stick day.

Have an ugly sick day. Just beat yourself metaphorically by the ugly stick for a day and see how he responds. Is he like, I'm busy today? I don't know, we had a date. This is Weird. All right, let's go to number two, which is purposely disagree with him. Like, I want you to find something that is kind of mildly objectionable or that you can disagree with might be, like your favorite type of food for, like, if you could eat what type of food for the rest of your life, what would it be? And I want you to disagree with him. Or it could be like a disagreement or a discussion about vacations or just even like room temperature. And what I want you to do is say, you know what, I completely disagree with what you're saying. And, like, not in a mean or angry or upset way, just say it kind of, like, matter of factly. It doesn't have to necessarily be this huge disagreement or argument. It's just more of a challenge. And I want most importantly to see how do they react to these situations. Like, you can do this on even a second or third day. You can do it pretty early. Do they get defensive or do they get curious? Like, defensive is the type of person who's like, oh, my God, like, what is wrong with you? You're like, they just immediately go to bat and they want to argue with you and dive in. And if they're doing that early on and they have no way of actually listening to you, then it may not be the best sign. But if they're curious and they want to learn your perspective, and ultimately you're curious back to hear his perspective, then that's a great sign. So don't be afraid to disagree a little bit early on the relationship and certainly, certainly further along, because I promise you, in relationships, disagreements will come.

Yeah, I love. I love that one. It's something I say to clients all the time, is, you know, never let an early disagreement go to waste. Right. Like, early on, sometimes people are like, oh, no, I don't need to disagree with anything that he says or does because it's so early in the, like, no, no, it's actually a perfect time because it's low stakes. You get to kind of see how they react. And usually it's something silly.

There's.

There's usually not, you know, in depth content early on. So keep it superficial, have that disagreement, and just, you know, like you said, you get. You get to see a lot. Um, so the third simple test. Now, these ones are a little bit more about value systems. And so the third one is send your guy a mini reading. Or it could be even a video assignment. Like, hey, here's this clip. Here's this thing I read. Check this out. I know, Adam. I Know, I send you articles and clips from podcasts fairly frequently, and you do the same to me. Do you actually read or watch these things, Gary?

I take the most intense notes of everything you send me. I mean, I have a notebook that says gary's assignment. Oh, my God, you have no idea. I've. I can recite them just from start to finish. So, yes, I passed this test. All right, we're right for each other.

I feel like you're lying to me.

But, yeah, I don't listen. I don't watch anything you say, but.

I think, you know, like, boring.

All right, you're the scientist, dude. I'm just like the dating coach.

All right, this is a really good article. You should read it. But I do think it's with a dating partner. There's going to be certain articles or certain things you come across that you find really interesting that you think are worth discussing and send them this article. Right. Particularly if it's something you really care about. And imagine if you're listening to this podcast, you're a person who cares about personal growth, self improvement, becoming better at relationships, communication, that kind of thing. Send him an article about this. Send him a video about it. See if he actually, like, reads it. See if he, you know, thinks about it, thinks he has thoughts. It's. It's just a good way to see, you know, because if you ask a guy, do you like reading about, like, personal growth development? Yeah, of course I do. That's not as good as actually sending something and seeing if they have some follow through. Yeah.

And if it's controversial, you know, depending on how far along you are in the relationship, if it's something you really believe in and this is something important to you, it's a great way to actually bring up the topic. You know, it's not as direct as just blurting it out on a date, but you could always be like, hey, I saw this. Curious on your thoughts. It's a good test. See how he responds. Is he curious? Is it open minded? Or he's like, no, you're cuckoo. Which is possible, and it is possible that you are cuckoo. So keep that in mind.

Do you think the earth is flat? Read this article. No.

Okay, no flat earthers in this community, Please, please. Oh, gosh, I hope we're not proven wrong on that one. Gary, as the scientists, are you ready to dive deep into the male mind and understand why it is we do what we. We actually do? Well, if so, I have a free training that's going to really help you understand Men, get out there and attract a high value guy that meets your needs. If you're ready for that, head on over to the lovesteps.com we have a virtual training there. It's going to walk you through this exact process that's worked for over 10,000 women worldwide. Again, head on over to TheLovesSteps.com and yeah, check it out. We'll get back to the podcast now.

So the next, the next one is also about. I'm just moving on. All right, so the next one that I think is also about values, and this is kind of a classic one, but I stand by this because I think this tells a lot about somebody is simply play Monopoly with them because there are many ways to approach that game. Are they cutthroat? Are they friendly? Do they buy the dumb properties like we all know? Like, do they buy Baltic? Like, come on, no one needs to buy that. How do they handle free parking in their family? Like, is that a jackpot situation? Is it just a wasted space? I think, you know, it also gives you a chance. You play a board game. Like, is someone buy the book? Do they have, are they constantly reading the rules? Are they more freelance? Are they giving, you know, different things that they, you know, different rules and different ways of dealing in, like bargaining and all that kind of stuff. I'm a big fan of Monopoly. Don't probably get to play it enough. But I think it's a good way to, to learn something about people.

I'll play with you sometime. For sure. I'm down. But it is, it is interesting. You do learn so much about a person's character through just games. It doesn't necessarily have to be Monopoly. It could be really any type of board game that you want to play. But see how he responds if he's losing. Because really, I believe, like, character is revealed so much during adversity, during difficult moments. And it's an amazing moment to just get a feel for his character. If he's down, you know, is he the type of guy who's following the strategy? Is he trying to cheat? Does he get really angry? You can learn a lot because, let me tell you, you don't want to be in a relationship and everything is hunky dory for two years and then finally, bam, something happens and you see the true side of his character. You see the type of person he really is and how he responds during a stressful moment. Which leads us to this fifth one, which, which is what Gary loves to.

Call the whoops test, which is, wait that's hilarious. You say whoop. I would just say whoops.

Whoops.

But you're like a whoops guy.

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Whoops. Whoops.

Dude, I'm from Boston. All right, easy. Anyways, this is where you accidentally drop something small. Could be like a pen, it could be receipt, it could be your. Your purse falling off the chair. And just see if he points it out or picks it up for you. It's just like the tiniest, itsy bitsy test of attentiveness and kindness. Now, if he doesn't see it, don't judge him for it. Okay. But if he sees it and he kind of keeps walking on, he doesn't really care. Interesting results of this test that he's not the type of guy who immediately jumps to be your hero.

Yeah. And I think this is. This is one of those ones, is a great example. You don't even have to purposefully do this. Inevitably, there's going to be these moments when you're on a date. Like, you knock over a glass of water or something falls. It's like, just like, how does he respond? Is it more like, oh, no, that's on you. That's your problem. Kind of sits there and like, maybe just gives moral support. Or does he, you know, you spill water, does he hop up and immediately start taking care of things? It's. It's information, and again, it's behavioral information because it's hard for someone to. I mean, would you help in that situation? Everyone's going to say yes, but, like, what's he actually do? Speaking. What he actually does. I love these next ones. Like, the next one's about patience and just kind of temperament.

Right.

And so the sixth test is a general category of just how does this guy handle annoyances? There's all kinds of annoyances. Traffic. Like, how does he handle being in traffic? People going slow in front of him. How does he handle slow? Wi Fi. That's always interesting to see how people deal with that. I also think one that is really just a complete call out to my earlier married days when Colleen and I were moving in and putting furniture. It's like, how do. How does he handle putting together IKEA furniture or something like that with the little Allen wrench and the million pieces and the ridiculous drawings. Like, how is he cool, calm, and collected about it? Or is he kind of a psychopath?

May I tell you how I handle IKEA furniture? I very cool, calm, and collectedly take out my TaskRabbit app, and I Hire someone to come over and do it for me. Because the thought of doing IKEA furniture is just, like, my deepest level of hell. So I don't know if that's passing the test or not. I keep cool. I'm just like, hey, I'm gonna put money towards this problem and just not think about it.

But it does. It tells you something about how you address problems. Like, it's not worth getting upset about. I'm just gonna, you know, And I think that's what's cool about all these tests is it just gives you a little glimpse, because so much of your dating and relationship future is going to be on mundane moments like this. And so, like, let's see how people handle this stuff.

My wife does judge me, though, when I hire people for very basic tasks.

So. Okay.

I don't know what that means.

I'm. Well, it means that Jess and I, once again, are on the same page. Because I'll. I'll be honest. I judged you a little.

You and Jess are always ganging up on me. What the heck, man?

I find her to be right a lot.

I, you know, I can't wait to hang out with Colleen and just totally gang up on you. It's gonna be awesome.

She'll be game. She will totally be up for that. So I don't know. Okay. Okay, task rabbit guy. Here. Here's another one for you. How does this person do on a jigsaw puzzle? Right? Like, and I mean a real one, not like a little kid one when there's like 10 pieces or whatever, but like, like a solid 100 piece at least. Least kind of puzzle. Because, I mean, I don't know how you feel. They can be frustrating. Like, I find them a little frustrating. I don't necessarily see the enjoyment in it, except for every once in a while on a vacation, maybe. But, like, how does that person handle. Like, you can't task rabbit a jigsaw puzzle. How do you handle that? Good. Severe judgment.

But it's true. Like, I. I think the key here to me is, like, is he collaborative? Does he. If he agrees that he would do a jigsaw puzzle, by the way, I think that's a pretty small percentage of guys. But let's say he does agree. Does he actually stick with it? Is he patient enough? Does he sit and watch you without helping? Or is he, like, getting involved? So I think it's just. There is something to that with. If he agrees to do it, which, personally, I would not be the type of guy who would even agree. Agree. To that. But let's say I did. I'd get involved and I'd stick with it, but I. And with all this, it's like it's all about patience. Is he the types of guy, the type of guy that can actually put himself into something for a decent amount of time? So, yeah.

And what I like about it is exactly your point. Most guys are not going to want to do this. Right? Most, 99 maybe percent. But if you ask them, they're. You're going to know they probably want. Will they do it for you? Like that's actually kind of interesting too. Right?

Right. The next test is a really. This is arguably one of the more important ones when it comes to trustworthiness. And this is one I really like. Some of these were being playful on. I stand by every test. But this one is actually a really good sign of whether or not you can trust a guy. And this is the phone test. And that is, is he the type of guy that leaves his phone out and it's accessible or is he the type of guy who always keeps his phone hidden? Right. And you, you can always get a feel for someone when they're clearly trying to hide their phone. If you're early on and dating and you're an exclusive committed relationship and you're driving in a car with this guy and you're using the GPS and you need to change destinations, is he the type of guy that'll give you his phone and he's like, yeah, of course, like, no problem, just change the direction. Or does he have to drive while changing the directions because he doesn't want you to see what's on the phone?

Right.

The worst, the deepest, darkest parts of someone's world is on their phone. And it tells you a lot if someone will never let you use it if you don't know their password. And just with all this said, this doesn't mean you should ever go snooping on his phone. It's not for you, it's none of your business to be on his phone. But there is this energy where he's clearly trying to hide it from you because there's something dark and deep going on there that he doesn't want you to know about.

Yeah, we had a, we had a client who had been dating a guy for a long time. They were months in and one of her questions on a mastermind was, I have this question. I think I'm worried about nothing, but it seems kind of weird. So I just want to check. And I'm like, absolutely. This is Literally exactly what masterminds are for. It's reality testing. Check with a safe group that everyone's kind of on the same page. You. You know what's going on? Said, this guy stays over at my house. You know, they're. They're committed, exclusive together. I think it was five months. But when he sleeps over, he always leaves his phone in his car. And I'm like, yeah, that's weird. It's weird, right? Because why. Who, like, accidentally leaving your phone in a car. If you accidentally left your phone in your car, what would you do? You'd immediately go outside and get your phone.

How old is he, though?

He was. He was. I want to say early 50s.

Okay. All right. Yeah. I mean, like, if he was, like, 70, which we have a lot of older clients.

Yes.

Maybe he's just, like, an older guy. Doesn't. Right. Care about his phone. Right.

No, but this was in the, Like, I don't know, like, you don't have to, like, carry it around at all times, but, like, purposely leaving your phone in your car. And he did it more than once. That says to me, to your point, like, there's some deep, dark secrets on that phone that he wants. He. He doesn't want to be asleep, have her wake up, happen to look at his phone, and see stuff he doesn't want her saying. Right. And so, you know, I do think, though, with all of this, you know.

So how does she address it? I mean, you're leaving us on a cliffhanger. What's.

So. She. She couldn't. She was like, really? Like, this is bad. And then, you know, that was the end of the. You know, she was gonna go have this discussion with him about what was going on. To be continued. I don't know if she. She never closed the loop with me in particular on that one.

But, yeah, I think just worth mentioning to everyone is, like, any of these signs, even that sign provides, like, a new heightened level of risk in the relationship. And we look at everything as far as risk versus, like, a massive red flag. We gotta dump him. Just because he's leaving his car on the phone doesn't mean he's a total sketch ball. But that combined with being really hot and cold, he doesn't respond to every two weeks, and then he comes back. He is failing a lot of the other tests we're discussing here. All it does is add more and more risk to the relationship. So I just want everyone to take from all of this that, like, one of these signs is not the death of a relationship. In any way.

Right.

It's. It's just a heightened level of risk, and it's something to be aware of. And for that client, if she's listening right now, this is just one part of the risk scale. For all we know, the next time you're with him, you're driving in the car, he gives you his phone to, you know, do the Google Maps, and it's all good. And now it's been de risked again. So I just think that that's worth mentioning because I don't want anyone going ahead and. And breaking up with a guy if he leaves his phone in the car.

Right. Well, and, you know, what I had said to her was, you know, you don't go. Everything starts with a conversation. Right. And so you don't go accuse him of being shady and stuff. You just. You ask the question, like, hey, I noticed you. You tend to leave your phone in the car. Why is that? And then take it from there. Because he might have a charger.

That is the best charge.

Yeah. You never know. You never know. Like, there might be a completely reasonable explanation for this.

Yeah. It could be like, I want to focus 100 of my energy on you when I'm with you. Right about. Damn.

So, like, always, it's always better to be curious and ask it. But I do think with this, all this phone stuff, so it's like, do they let you hold the phone? Do they let you use it? You know, when you've been in a relationship for a little while, do you know their password? And the reality check with this, though, for those of you listening are like, oh, this all sounds good. I need to get his password tomorrow. Should you need his password? No. Should he be comfortable giving it to you? Yes. But you don't necessarily need it. Right. Like, that's what trust is about. Should you need to go through his phone to verify everything about him? No, because you trust him. Like, that's. That's all. If you really don't trust him and you feel like you need to go through his phone to make sure he's legit, that's a bigger problem. That has nothing to do with the phone.

Never do that, for sure. All right, move us on, Gary.

So another trustworthy one. This is more of a fun one is something I call the puppy test. And so this is from my pat. When I got my very first dog. I had started dating my wife at Colleen, and I had to go somewhere for something, and I trusted her to take care of my puppy. And I was like, hey, this is like, kind of a big deal because again, like, you may not have a puppy handy. Like, this is not, this is like one of those thought experiment kind of tests. But it's like you have something like that important to you. The fact that I just had no second thought about whether it was going to be okay to leave my dog with her, I was like, oh my gosh. Like, that shows like a certain level of trust. Like that's, that's more than a lot of things that you could check with somebody in terms of trust. Like, I'll leave my dog with you, my brand new, like, month old puppy. Like, that's amazing.

I mean, Gary, I know a few women in my life who are trying to have children with a man who truly they wouldn't trust with a puppy for a weekend. You want to be like, you know, if you don't trust with a puppy, maybe a human child is not the right path forward. I don't know, just.

Or maybe, you know, is he trustworthy with like your succulents? Like, is that going to be okay? Like, is he going to kill your plants? And it's like, if he can't handle some of this stuff, like, long term, bad idea.

Jess's nickname is the plant killer. That's why I call her, because she just kills all of our plants. So I don't know, moving on. Which is all about compatibility. And we'll get through these final ones pretty quickly, which is the cross country fight. I mean, would you be able to take a long flight with the guy? Would you have enough to even talk about? Or would the silence be just so uncomfortable? Or even worse, one of my greatest pet peeves in life is would they be the type of person to clap when the plan lands? Like, come.

That's the worst.

Oh my God. Like, guys, I'm, I'm noticing that more and more lately because of all the.

You know, profit, maybe now it's a little bit more warranted, but for the longest time, the plane clappers. Not okay.

Not okay exactly.

But I think, you know, very much related to that is number 11, which is just the fact that you are going to have with a long term partner thousands of dinners together in your lifetime. So ask yourself, does this guy pass the daily dinner test? Like, would you be able to have dinner with this man thousands of times over the next many, many, many years? Or does that sound terrible? Does that sound appealing, exciting, dreadful? Like, how does that thought, like, are they interesting enough to have those kinds of conversations on a regular basis? Or does that feel like watching paint dry.

Yeah. It's just insane how many dinners, lunches, and breakfasts you have with your partner and you don't think about it. Like, I even have clients who, you know, they're in their 60s and they've been married twice, and they still forget what's on the line. And this one hits home. I mean, this is a good one because you just remind them, like, think of all the dinners, lunches, and breakfasts you had with your ex and how much that sucked the life out of you. That's why we're going out and dating a lot and following the little love steps. That's why we're putting in the effort now to save you another thousand dinners with the worst guy.

Yeah.

Kind of hits home.

Well, and it's. So many people make relationship decisions based on their dates, and dates are nice, but dates are a small percentage of the time you're going to spend with your partner. And so if this guy's really great at, you know, managing to put together amazing dates, that's a plus for sure. But that doesn't make for a whole relationship. It's like, are you going to be able to just have, like, boring lunches? Like, how is your day? What are you doing? Like, I mean, that stuff matters, too. All right, so the last simple test. And the last simple test is to see should you stay in this relationship or not? It's a simple way to see if you should stay or go. And it's the simple coin flip. Right. Not sure what to do. Should I stay in this relationship or go flip a coin? Heads you stay, tails you go. Okay, so now I know that sounds ridiculous. You can do this. And a lot of times, you know, as you flip the coin, flip it up high, you'll kind of have an idea of how you hope it lands. And that tells you whether you should stay or go. Like, if you're.

If you.

You know, it's going to come down tails to go, and you're like, I'm not. I'm not that upset about that. That tells you maybe. Maybe you should go. I also just think that if I give someone this suggestion, if they're on the fence about should I commit, should I quit, should I stay, should I go? And I say, flip a coin. And if they respond to me, okay, that's a bad sign. Yeah, right. Just. If you're even willing to put the fate of your relationship to a coin flip, I think that tells you everything you need to know about how invested you really are in this relationship. And how much you really think it's for you. Because if you really thought this was the right thing and for you, why would you flip a coin? It makes no sense.

No, I remember distinctly, I used to be a speaker. I would lecture at colleges all across the country. And I remember after one speech, I think this was in Wisconsin. I just want to throw that out there. Maybe University of Wisconsin. But a student came up and was like, yeah, I'm still dating this girl from high school, but now I'm in my freshman year, and I don't know, I'm just really enjoying myself. And we kind of went through a similar thought experiment. I don't think it was as precise as the coin flip, but he was like, yeah, I think I would. I think I would just not be with her anymore. And he'd been with her for, like, three years. So I was like, call her right now. End it. He's like, no way. I can't do that right now. I said, call her. Like, now is the time, because you're not going to see her again. She lived, like, in California or something. Now, whatever. Do it right now. And he went and he did it. And he came back and was like, oh, my God, I feel so much better. Like, so much better. I would have never done that on my own. And sometimes it just requires this moment of clarity. You know, I kind of coined myself, pun intended, as the breakup guy. Like, just breaking up with people in these situations, if you're really in a doubtful situation like this, just do it, get it done, and move on with your life. Because you know you're in a good relationship, if the thought of having that coin in your hand is like, no way. I don't even want that coin. I didn't want the option for it. Anything in between, it's like, you're probably better off single.

Yeah. And in defense of breakup, guys, because I very much have helped many, many, many people break up as well. I think some people will hear that and be like, oh, that's terrible. Like, he broke up his girlfriend and no other person by mere suggestion of calling your partner to break up with that, if that was a really good relationship, there's no way you would have done that. There's just no way. You can't break up solid relationships with coin flips. Random suggestions to call people. Like, great relationships seldom fail, but the bad ones do as they should. Right? It's just the fundamental truth. And so if all it takes is a suggestion from a college speaker to call your partner and maybe you should Break up. He needed to do that months ago, and so that was a big help to him, I'm sure.

Gary, call Colleen right now and break up with her. Okay. Do it.

Okay. I guess I have to now. Okay.

Well, I guess it was a good run. My daughter, you know, thanks for 20 years.

That's cool.

So with that said, we had a little bit of fun with this one, but I hope you did as well. But at the end of the day, keep in mind, use these responsible, right? These are just thoughts, thought experiments to help you land in the right place with your current situation, how you're feeling, how you're thinking, but they're not definitive. And with all of this, you can't over interpret any of these suggestions that we have. Use these as kind of an assessment for your own risk in your situation. Is it a really risky situation you're in or is it a really solid situation? It gives you a feel for that and then you can act accordingly. So thank you, Gary. This was fantastic. And I'll talk next week.

Thanks, Adam.

All right, thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relationship and we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free love strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com apply for that free love strategy session, and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right, thanks for being here.