15 Question Quiz to See If Your Relationship Has a Future

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You know, as we say all the time, you want to follow your heart, but take a little strategy with you. And thinking about your relationship through the lens of these 15 questions is very strategic because it's. It's questions that we don't routinely ask ourselves. And some of these might be things you haven't even thought of as necessarily important. So that's a little bit of strategy to help you better understand the relationships that you're in, and if you're single, better understand the relationships that you're looking for.

Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your hosts today are myself, Adam lodolce, and professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Love Strategies podcast. My name is Dr. Gary Lewandowski. I'm the chief love scientist here at Love Strategies. I'm here flying solo. Today. Adam is off on a well deserved little sabbatical, little trip, little, little refresh, a little reset, and he was foolish enough to leave the keys to the podcasting studio, which is the same as my office to me. And so I am going to do a podcast here by myself, share something with you that I think is really, really important. And in fact, over the years, I've written a lot of articles in different sources, really trying to translate the science of relationships to help people have better relationships. And so I've been studying relationships for 20 years, and in that time, I've been fortunate enough to reach somewhere over 10 million people between TED talks and articles and things like that, including a few viral articles over the years that have reached upwards of a million views. And actually, what I'm going to talk about today is about one of those Articles and, you know, all of those things. That's really how Adam found me. That's how Adam and I started this little collaboration. Because we both feel very deeply and sincerely that, you know, our job in life is to help people have better relationships, to empower people to have better relationships. And. And that's really what today's podcast is all about. It's about one of those viral articles, and it's about a topic that is without, I'd say, definitely the most common question I get when people ask me about relationships. So when I'm out giving talks, lectures, those kinds of things, or anytime somebody finds out I study relationships, they'll start telling me about the relationship. And at the heart of that story of the heart of what people are telling me, or sometimes they'll just come straight out and ask. What everybody wants to know essentially is, does my relationship have a future? And so it's hard to know. It's literally the million dollar relationship question. Whatever partner you're with, whoever you're dating, whoever you're you've been seeing for a while, maybe it's a situationship, maybe you've been dating for months, years. Does this have a future? You know, will this relationship last? Have you found it? What is it? It's the one. The partner, your person, the relationship that's going to stand the test of the time, or are you wasting your time? Is this a distraction? Is this not the right person that you're with? Is this relationship good enough to warrant further devotion of effort and time and energy? Or should you at some point kind of cut your losses so that you can really find the one that you're looking for? Because anytime we're dating somebody, we want to know, like, are they the one? And so, like I said, this is easy to ask, it's hard to answer, and it's simultaneously the most common question that I think people have about relationships, which is why I think, you know, the original article that I wrote on, on today's topic got millions of views, because it's something that everybody wants to know. And so, you know, we're going to talk today about figuring out if your relationship is the one. And so that's not to say that anybody who is single, that this is invaluable as well, because really, what this will also help you with if you're single is knowing what to look for. Because we're going to talk about 15 qualities that the best relationships have that the best relationships require in many ways to stand the test of time. And so if you Have a better understanding about what these 15 qualities are. They're going to be better able to recognize those qualities in a partner that you're dating, which is super important because if you don't know the right things to look for, the right guy, the right person might wander into your life and you'll miss them completely. And what, what's sadder than like, what, what tragic romantic tale is worse than that? That the missed opportunity of having this wonderful person find their way into your life only for you not to be able to recognize, you know, the diamond in the rough that was, you know, kind of standing right there in front of you the whole time. I think the other thing that this helps with too, particularly if you're single, is knowing what to prioritize because you know, you're going to see, we're going to talk about 15 simple questions to kind of gauge your relationship. These are also, you know, you can also read these and hear these as priorities. You know, what are the things you should prioritize perhaps over some of the things you're currently prioritizing. And so that'll also help you in your selection process. And so, you know, when we're trying to figure out what if relationship is going to last, fundamentally the question we're asking is like, what makes a relationship strong? Right. The answer to that question is a lot, a ton. Right. And it's hard to really know what matters, how to assess it, really. To answer that question about what makes a relationship strong, you'd have to dive into decades and decades of relationship science, read the papers, figure out what the research is saying, what the research says is more important, what research says is less important. Know, look at the qualities of healthy couples, spend hours talking to those couples, all that kind of stuff. Here's the thing. I'm the shortcut. I've done that. I've been studying relationships for 20 years. I've done all that work. And so I'm going to help you cut out all of that effort. And I've, I've boiled all of that research and experience down to these, these 15 questions. Because no one has time to go through all that. And so since I've already done that for you, it's, it's helpful. Here's the caveat. These 15 questions, these are about what's important for long term, meaningful, fulfilling, real relationships. These are not for a Tinder date. These are not what you're looking for in a hookup or a short term fling. That's a whole entire other list, whole entire other podcast Right. We're focusing on empowering you to find that real relationship, that lifetime partner, your person that's going to align with you and your values and it's going to set you up for long term success. And so, you know, as I often say, everybody deserves a great relationship, but have you found yours? Right? Have you, have you found your person? Have you found the one? And if you're single, everyone deserves the same great relationship. Are you going to know it when you see it? Are you going to know that that's your person when you find them? And so that's what we're going to do today. We're going to, we're going to focus on these 15 questions. We're going to see if you kind of know what you're looking for, know what you have, and overall, you know, if you're in a relationship, the quality of the relationship you have. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go through the 15 questions. We're going to go through them first. How do you get a score? And then after we go through them, talk about the scoring a little bit. I'll kind of quickly go back through and review the 15 questions about why some of these things are important. And so I'm going to read each question twice. What I want you to do in answering these questions for yourself, if you're in a relationship, answer truthfully, but as quickly as you possibly can. A simple yes or no. Right. So everything's phrased as a yes or no question. And I want your just immediate impulse, truthfully, be honest with yourself. You want, you want a quality assessment. This isn't a deliberative, it's kind of just that visceral, like yes, no, right. And just keep it, keep it very simple. For those of you who are single, I would look at these and, you know, think about whether this is something that you think is important that you should be looking for in a partner. And again, you can do a simple yes or no. Like how you know, is, is this important to look for yes or no? Okay, so that's how I would suggest approaching this. And like I said, I'm going to read each question twice. We'll go through all 15, then we'll talk about scoring and we'll talk a little bit about what these mean and you know, what to do with your score. All right? All right. So question number one. Does your partner make you a better person and do you do the same for them? Yes or no? So does your partner make you a better person? And do you do the same for them? Okay. All right. So question two. Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving? Yes or no. Question two again. Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving? Question 3. Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are without trying to change each other? Yes or no. Question three again. Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are without trying to change each other?

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Question 4. When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity? Question four Again. When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity? Question 5. Do you and your partner share decision making, power and influence in the relationship? Question 5. Do you and your partner share decision making, power and influence in the relationship? Question 6. Is your partner your best friend and are you theirs? Question 6. Is your partner your best friend and are you their best friend? Question 7. Do you and your partner think more in terms of we and us rather than you and I? So question 7. Do you and your partner think more in terms of we and us rather than you and I? Number eight. This one I find funny. And people like like this one like to argue about this one. This is a good one. Number eight. Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to your social media and bank accounts? Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to your social media and bank accounts? That was questioning. Question 9. Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other without having an over inflated positive view? Number nine. Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other without having an over inflated positive view? Number 10. Do your close friends as well as your partners think you have a relationship that will stand the test of time? So number 10. Do your close friends as well as your partners think you have a relationship that will stand the test of time. Number 11, is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behavior? So, number 11, is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behavior? Yes or no? 12. Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids or not, how to parent? So number 12, do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids or not, and how to parent? Yes or no? 13. Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your needs, desires and goals for each other without being a doorman? 13. Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your needs, desires and goals for each other without being a doormat? Number 14, do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities? So 14, do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities? And 15, the last question, Are you and your partner sexually compatible? So number 15, are you and your partner sexually compatible? And so the scoring for these, so you should have a yes or no response to each of those. You want to give yourself a point for every quick, certain and unqualified yes every time you were able to answer one of these 15 questions with a yes. Absolutely, definitely. Right. That kind of mentality, you get a point. The nos clearly no points for those, even if you're. If it was a hesitant yes, I would give yourself not a full point for that. If you want, you could give yourself a half a point, I suppose. But you know, it's really, we want full, unqualified, full, full feeling yeses for each of these questions. The more points you scored, the better. Now if you scored over a 15, you want to check your math because there's only 15 questions, so it's impossible to score over 15. Beyond that, you know, I know when it comes to scoring of quizzes, people like to have kind of this definitive system where it's like if you score to 12 or higher, you're amazing, your relationship set up for success for always and always and always. That's not really how this works. It's not really how reality works for a lot of things. I would say if you're in the single digits, that's not great. But I would also say is the more points the better. And anytime you don't have a full yes for one of these answers, it's an opportunity for improvement. And so it gives you a little bit of a self guided tour through what's important for relationships. And a sense of where your relationship might benefit from a little work. I'd also say, you know, every one of these questions is tied to research and so don't get defensive about it, right? And so if you don't, if you didn't give an answer as a yes to something, you might want to quibble with the wording and say this isn't really important. To which I would just say, you know, respectfully, science disagrees, right? Every One of these 15 questions has research tied to it that backs it up. As you know, this is an important thing. I would also, you know, rather than trying to pick apart why the question about social media and bank accounts isn't a good question for, you know, challenge yourself to think about why. Why do you would research find that that is important? Why is it important to trust our partner with our social media and bank accounts right now, certainly that question, I mean, one of the things people, you know, have, have said in response to the bank account question, like, certainly wouldn't do this, someone you just met, but you know, long term, again, this is about long term relationships. Is this the kind of person that you would feel comfortable with? And it's really what that question really comes down to is trust. Do you trust the other person? Do they have your best interest in mind? And if you have hesitations about giving somebody your social media or bank account passwords, and I'm not saying you have to give those things to them, I'm just saying is, you know, do you have hesitation about it? It suggests a little lack of trust. And we know trust is critically important to relationship success. And so you know, the score you want to have on, on this, these 15 questions is a 15. It's, it's really hard to get a 15 out of 15. But I would also say, you know, I start off part of this by saying everybody deserves a great relationship. To have a great relationship, you want to get as close to 15 as possible. And so rather than getting defensive about the ones that you missed, see, again, like I said, those as opportunities for improvement. That's really, really important. Here's a word of caution though. Like every once in a while people will take this and get a five and they feel really bad and they, you know, the relationship's terrible. It might be, right? So five isn't a good score. You might not be in the world's greatest relationship, but one of the things you want to make sure is you want to check your expectations about things, right? It's if your expectations for relationships and how close you and your partner are, how much you should trust each other are unrealistically high. That's going to lead you to not be able to say yes to a lot of these questions. And so you just want to make sure that, you know, when it comes to expectations, they have to be realistic, right? And so make sure that those things are calibrated in the right way, that you're not being overly demanding. Because if you're overly demanding, you might find the world's best partner and you're still going to find fault with them and find reasons not to like them. Right? And so, you know, we want an emotionally stable partner, right? I mean, that, that's question 14. Like, we want someone who's emotionally stable and agreeable. Does that mean your partner is going to be agreeable at all times? Absolutely not. They're going to be moody, they're going to be grumpy, they're going to be tired, they're going to be stressed, they're going to be hungry. There's all those things. So you want to make sure you're being reasonable, right? Realistic and reasonable about your expectations. The only thing I would say, you know, those of you in long term relationships, give this, you know, let your partner take the quiz as well, right? See what they think and then it's an opportunity. Particularly you've been in a relationship for a little while, you know, both you take the quiz, compare notes. And the best problem solving in relationship comes when both partners, who are on the same team, by the way, work together to solve a problem together. So maybe you're both, you know, I'm trying to pick one out, you know, something about, you know, number 12, about values and politics and religion and the importance of marriage and kids. And maybe you guys feel like you're not necessarily on the same page about some of those topics. It's a great opportunity for you both to discuss it, right? Discuss it, understand each other's points of view, come to a compromise, come to a new understanding. And so those things where you're not scoring a yes on are opportunities for discussion, reflection, and really working things out with your partner, which, which is great. I would say if you're single, you should have answered yes to every single one of these things, because every single one of these things are important. If you're not answering yes to any of these 15 questions, you might want to think a little bit about what your love vision is. What is it that you're looking for? What is it? Who is the person that you want to have in Your life. And what are you prioritizing? Because a lot of these questions are really prioritizing. Trust, the absence of red flags, communication, sharing of power, being close, helping each other grow. And you notice, you know, it wasn't until question 15 that we, we talked about sexual compatibility because it's important, but there's a lot of other things that are a lot more important, again for long term, fulfilling, stable relationships. And so, you know, just make sure you're prioritizing those things. And so, you know, this list focuses on growth, focuses on secure attachment, trust, acceptance of each other, good communication, good sharing of power, your partner, being your best friend, thinking of you and your partner as being on the same team, as a we and an us. It's about having a good but accurate view of each other as much as possible. You can be slightly positive, but you don't want to be completely lying to yourself about who your partner is. You want to be on the same page with your values. You, both of you should be making sacrifices. You know, mutual and minor. Those sacrifices shouldn't be huge thing. You both should be agreeable and emotionally stable. We know that that helps relationships and you want sexual compatibility. This is a, a greatest hits of what makes relationships work. And the nice thing is it's a simple, quick, easy 15 questions. And so, you know, I would encourage you to review this, think about it, reflect on it, and revisit it. Right? Come, come back to this in, in three months, come back to this in six months and, you know, kind of see where your relationship is at and where it's going. Because you want to make sure relationships obviously are important. You just want to make sure you're devoting your time to the person and the relationships that deserve your time. And so, you know, as we say all the time, you want to follow your heart. But take a little strategy with you and thinking about your relationship through the lens of these 15 questions is very strategic because it's, it's questions that we don't routinely ask ourselves. And some of these might be things you haven't even thought of as necessarily important. So that's a little bit of strategy to help you better understand the relationships that you're in and if you're single, better understand the relationships that you're looking for. All right, so hopefully those 15 questions were helpful to you, and we'll see you again on a future podcast. Thanks.

So now you've reached the end of the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. And because you have proven that you are serious about attracting love, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you didn't feel that way. What I'd love for you to do is go to loveapply.com where you can apply for a complimentary love strategy session where a professional love strategist on my team is going to speak with you directly and be able to see whether or not our executive love coaching programs can be transformational for you and your love life. There's absolutely no fee whatsoever. All you gotta do is head on over to loveapply.com schedule that session, and you could be speaking with someone on my team over the next couple days. I All right, thanks so much. Talk to you soon.

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