4 Destructive Beliefs Keep Women Over 40 Single For Life

There are four destructive beliefs that are keeping women single for life. And sadly, these are quietly stealing love from you. And when you're adopting these types of belief systems, suddenly it's going to cause you to fall into the arms of the wrong types of men. Now you might be wondering, Adam, how do you know these destructive beliefs? Who are you to tell me what these beliefs are? Well, what I'm telling you today is all the learnings as being an executive love coach, helping literally thousands of women who are all tend to be over 40 in the 40s, 50s and 60s. I let them all get out there and find love. And they follow a process that I call the seven little love steps where they go from being single to a long lasting relationship, which is little love step number seven. And I've found that there are a few beliefs that I am constantly having to challenge. These are ideas that people are living with and they tend to be toxic that are causing them to kind of hold back their trip true possibilities when it comes to love. So what is a belief really? Well, it's something that we tend to know to be true about the world. A belief tends to be kind of like a story that you've told yourself so many times that it feels like a truth in many ways. It's kind of like the lens in which you see the world, you know, whether it's through about love or Ben or about yourself. And once you can start to kind of chip away at some of these beliefs, suddenly it sets you free in your love life. So let me get into the first one. The first destructive belief that I'm constantly having to challenge my clients on is that feminine energy is weak energy. I remind one of my clients joined a mastermind recently and we're chatting and we were discussing the power of the feminine and this was like with our whole group. But she chimes in and says, Adam, I'm not going to be some weak girly girl. And I get it. This was a very high power woman who doesn't resonate with the idea of feminine energy, at least for now. Until we started really diving deep into what feminine energy really is. And by the end of our conversation I was able to convince her that feminine energy isn't weakness. It's not about being a girly girl, it's not passivity, it's not submission to men. It's actually the boldest form of confidence because it doesn't chase, it attracts. Chasing energy is the masculine energy that's the weaker energy. Throughout the dating process, feminine energy is the queen Sitting in her throne, deciding who it is that gets to sit next to her. Because I found that too many successful women, they tend to reject this idea of feminine energy. And then they continue to wonder why it is that they're still attracting these little boys instead of men. Best news is, is now that client, she's dating a real man and finding it so easy to lean into her feminine energy. The next destructive belief is that true love, it should be easy. Now, this belief is ridiculous. It's toxic. And it's kind of like saying getting rich in America should be easy. Well, here's the reality. Who says things like that? Broke ass people. It's not easy. Getting, getting rich, making money, it's not easy. Finding love and maintaining true love, it's not easy. The reality is most people have been brainwashed by these romcoms, all these movies and Disney movies growing up thinking that the story always ends with two people walking away in the sunset and they get to live the easiest life together forever. And then it's always just roses and unicorns and all these beautiful things. But it doesn't mention the moment the guy says something really dumb. And then you respond in a condescending way, and then he tells you that you don't have enough sex with him. And then the huge blowout fight begins, right? True love is hard. Like it can get hard at times. And it's two imperfect people coming together, trying to create a life together. And in many ways that life will be imperfect, but that's what makes life beautiful. Like, if it were easy, I think it wouldn't be as meaningful. Real love requires constant maintenance. It requires intentionality. It requires working through those es that relationships go through those challenging times and be able to talk through it. That's what true love is. And there's a lot of interesting research that supports this. I mean, couples who attend premarital counseling reduce their chances of divorce by 31% just by talking through it. So let's kind of throw away this destructive belief that if it's a little bit hard, that means it's wrong. It's not. True love isn't always easy. It's just knowing how to work through the hard times together. The next destructive belief that I think a lot of women are carrying with them at stopping them from attracting love is that masculinity in itself is toxic. Now, there's been a term that's been thrown around for really the past 30 years. It's known as toxic masculinity. And this term goes back all the way to, like, the 1980s, like, early 90s. And at first, this term, I think, was a very good thing to have floating around out there. It was meant to really differentiate the difference between toxic masculinity versus healthy masculinity. So toxic masculinity would be like dominance, suppression of emotion, aggression. That's toxic from healthy masculinity. Like leadership, responsibility, protection. This is a good thing. And so by having these two different terms kind of floating out there, it was kind of healthy to know, okay, this is bad, this is good. It gave men kind of a blueprint of how to act. Unfortunately, then came the 2010s, and this term of toxic masculinity kind of took on a new meaning. And this especially happened after. Me too. And I totally get it. Me too. Brought to light a lot of things that was horrible about masculinity, especially toxic masculinity. But the problem is, is that we forgot we kind of lost the thread of giving men a blueprint of what healthy masculinity really is. And it, in many ways, all of masculinity got intertwined into this idea of toxic masculinity. So anytime a guy would try and be a protector, he would get labeled as toxic masculinity by certain kind of labels. Anytime a man would try and even approach a woman and go talk to a woman, he could get labeled as toxic masculinity. I've spoken with men who will go on dates with women and try and pay for the date and be labeled toxic masculinity. Is that healthy for anyone? No. It. Does everyone fall into that trap? No, of course not. But I think it's really important for women, as they're getting out there and dating, to actually recognize what healthy masculinity looks like. Because I've worked with a lot of women who say that they want a masculine man, but once a masculine man comes into their life, they actually just are consistently labeling everything he does as toxic. And so if we can start to reframe this belief system and start to understand the difference truly, of toxic masculinity, which certainly exists, versus healthy masculinity, it's going to start to set you free. Because let me tell you, it is impossible to attract something you hate. If you hate masculinity ultimately, like, in your core, you're never going to attract a masculine man. You're only going to attract feminine, weak men that you're not attracted to. So we need to start looking heavily at our belief systems on what we believe to be true about Masculinity and what it is that we truly want. Now, the final destructive belief that may be holding you back in your love life is this idea that you need to feel 100% ready to to attract love. Like, until you feel 100% ready to download the app, start going on dates, then you shouldn't do it. And I guarantee your friends, your girlfriends, if people in your family say, oh, honey, if you're not ready, don't do anything. But I will tell you that's the wrong advice given. If you're recently going through a breakup and you're kind of still struggling, okay, maybe take a little bit of time to heal. But don't wait until you feel a hundred percent ready to start actually getting out there. Because sometimes by doing the thing, you can actually start to feel more ready. Like just by going on a few dates, you might actually be like, oh wait, I am more ready than I actually thought I was. It's very hard to feel ready to date by sitting at home on a Saturday night, watching Netflix, eating Ben and Jerry's and just hanging out. Like, you got to get out there. That is actually what creates the readiness. And so I recommend especially my clients, sometimes it's important to separate out the feelings from the action. You might not feel ready to go on some dates, but just doing the thing will create that feeling. And I think this is true for many different things. Like sometimes I just don't feel like going to the gym. Like I don't feel ready to go to the gym. But just by doing the thing and going to the gym, I become ready. And I'm sure you can see that in a lot of areas of your life. Sometimes just taking action so sparks that feeling. But again, you need to actually take that action. So look, this is a perfect example of where your friends and their encouragement might be wrong. They might tell you you keep waiting until you're ready to get out there. I disagree. Take action. Be intentional about your love life and go out there and make it happen. Because chances are you are more ready than you really think. So I know in this video I threw out a lot of hot takes. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. What do you think I got right? What do you think I got wrong? I'd love to hear from you. And if you want to live more, help in your love life, head on over to love strategies.com we have a step by step strategy that will help you attract the love you truly deserve and start reprogramming some of these destructive beliefs that are holding you back. All right here for you every single step of the way. Thanks so much for watching. So now you've reached the end of the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. And because you have proven that you are serious about attracting love, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you didn't feel that way. What I'd love for you to do is go to loveapply.com where you can apply for a complimentary love strategy session where a professional love strategist on my team is going to speak with you directly and be able to see whether or not our executive love coaching programs can be transformational for you and your love life. There's absolutely no fee whatsoever. All you gotta do is head on over to loveapply.com schedule that session and you could be speaking with someone on my team over the next couple days. All right, thanks so much. Talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.