5 Easy Ways to Make Dating Fun Again

All right, Gary. In today's podcast, we are going to make dating fun again. That's the whole purpose of this thing. Remember back in the day when you used to use this thing right here? For those of you who are just listening in the pod, this is a big, inflatable old school phone. And this was fun, wasn't it? Right, Gary?

I mean, I guess that looks like one of those car phones from, like, the 80s that you had to, like, wear a jetpack with. Hello?

Hello.

Yeah.

And you, like, call someone, you leave a voicemail, then they call you back. Three hours later, they leave a voicemail. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy, and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else. Backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences, your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. Man, oh, man, don't people glorify the old days when it comes to dating? It is so wild.

To me, they do. But, you know, I think back when you first started dating, dating really was fun. You did fun things, you met cool people, you were excited, you were positive, you were optimistic. It really kind of makes you just wonder, like, what the hell happened to us? Yeah. Why?

Why is this so frustrating? Why is it so annoying? It's confusing. All this texting stuff. What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do? All this online dating stuff, I. I think it's driving us bonkers. I really do.

Yeah. And I think, you know, there's something that you remind our clients of all the time, which is such an important reminder, and it's so obvious, which is if dating isn't fun for you, you're doing something wrong. Right. And so, you know what I love about today's podcast is rather than just kind of dwelling in the negative and all the downsides of things, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dating is fun. We're gonna make dating fun, and we're gonna show you a couple ways how to do it.

Yeah. I mean, I will speak from personal experience here. I remember when I was going through my own personal transformation when it came to dating, and man, oh, man, in my early 20s, I had no idea how to talk to women, what to do what to say. I lacked total inner confidence, and that certainly showed up in my interactions. So I read all these books and I'm like, okay, I'm going to start going out and meeting women, trying to do it more confidently. And since I was in my early 20s, I would always go to nightclubs because that's like, what you do when you're in your early twenties is you go to nightclubs. It's loud music. You can't really talk to people. And I did that for a couple years, and it wasn't working for me. It wasn't working until one day I walked out of a club here in Boston, and I'm like, I hate clubs so much. Why am I doing this? Like, one thing, I'm like, I've never enjoyed this. I've never liked that type of a scene. It wasn't for me. And so I just started going to places that were fun for me. And suddenly everything changed because I would personally walk into those environments and I would be happy. Like, I'd be radiating a type of energy that was just excited to be there. I was curious to meet people, I was interacting with people I was actually interested in, rather than people who go to nightclubs regularly. Nothing against those who do. That just wasn't for. And so I think there's a lesson there, which is just if there's parts of your dating life that you hate, taking a look at that and you know, if it's. Some of those things are necessary, but some of those things might not be necessary. More importantly, lean into the things that you find fun and do more of that, and then suddenly you'll start attracting amazing people in your life.

Yeah. And I think that is a really good place to start in terms of just an overall reminder, like, dating should be fun. Point blank, period. Like, that's it. It really should be fun. And if you're not having fun, you're in the wrong place. I love what you said. You know, you spend some time learning about dating and relationships because when you're better at things, they're automatically more fun. So there's a bunch of things you can do, starting with some of the tips that we're going to talk about.

Today before we do that. Gary, are you a nightclub guy?

No. No.

You don't strike me as being a nightclub guy.

I mean, I just imagine been to nightclubs, but they. It's that you can't talk to people like, it's hot. It's a little claustrophobic. Not my. Not my thing. Dude.

Next time you Come to Boston. I think you're coming next month. We're going to the club. We're making it happen. We get bottle service.

No, no, we can go to a nice dive bar. That's perfect.

That's. Now that's what I'm talking about. Go play some pool. Hang out at a dive bar, get like $2 Dr.

Okay, keep it. Keep it informal. Cool. Let's just actually get to know people. That's. That's more my scene.

Exactly. So let's jump into the first one, which is getting into the right single and mentality. Gary, you want to walk us through this mindset?

Yeah. So, you know, obviously if you're dating, you're single, but then there's a lot of people when they're single, it. There's different ways to think about it, I guess. And so the wrong approach, I think, is most people, when they're single, they're focused on what they're trying to avoid. They don't want to be single, they don't want to be lonely, they don't want to be alone. And so that leads very much to a single and looking mentality. Right. So you're looking for something. And so when you start adopting this mindset, it's basically telling yourself that you're lacking and you need another person to fill in what you're missing. And so what's wrong about that is it creates this almost needy desperation and it's very much other focused. And so that's completely the opposite of what we coach our clients to do, which is have this mentality is like you don't need a man to make your life great. You have a great life and you almost benevolently want to share it with somebody else. And so that is the single and open mentality. So instead of single and looking, you want to have this single and open mentality where being single isn't a problem that you need to solve. And you're not just looking for any old person to be. To have a partner. You're open to only the right kind of person because you're already in a good place. You're just looking for someone to share your life with. So you're not needy, you're not desperate, you're not having that what we call pick me type of energy. And so you're having the right mentality is going to help you find the right kind of partner.

Yeah, I mean, when we have a problem in our lives, it's so easy to focus on the problem rather than the solution. Like if we're if we're dead broke, you know, you can't afford the Starbucks. Every day, we're going to go around and just keep talking about how broke we are, and that's the wrong mindset. Instead, we want to talk about being open to creating new financial opportunities. And it's a subtle but very important shift. And you'll notice this for anyone, you know, if you. Gary, I'm sure you have friends that might struggle a little bit financially. They tend to focus so much on what they don't have rather than what they can create and what they already do have. You know, in many ways, they already might have a very fulfilling, incredible life. They just might be struggling right now. So I think this is such an important mindset when it comes to getting out there and finding love, or being open to love, as you put it, and having that type of a lens. So I love that one.

And I think, you know, beneath all of this is this undercurrent of impatience. Single and looking is impatient. It's like now, now, now, now, now. And if you focus on getting things fast, it actually is going to take you longer to find the kind of person you're really looking for. Whereas being single and open, it's when the right thing comes along, I'm open to it and will recognize it. And that feels like it's going to take a lot longer, but it's actually much more efficient in terms of finding people who you actually are compatible with.

Amen to that. So let's move on to the second one to make dating a little bit more fun, which is. And this one's a little controversial, but it's an important one. And that is I want you all to be a little bit selfish when it comes to your love life. And not in like an egocentric or neglectful way or anything like that, but when it comes to dating, you know, I want it to be your year. You know, Gary, you mentioned the year of Deb. What did you mean by that?

So we have a client who is fantastic. And she would say herself. I believe that she struggled for a long time, had some really good relationships, and then some things didn't work out. But recently, in the last six months or so, she has instituted a year of Deb and basically said, I don't care about being single. I love being single. I'm having an amazing time being single. I'm enjoying spending time with myself, being comfortable with myself. For the first time ever, I'm doing what I want to do. I'm going out with my friends. I'M going on trips, I'm doing all this stuff. I don't care about dating. She's still on the apps and still dating. Guess what happened? She found. She found a guy. A guy who had, she swore, didn't exist. Someone who lived near her didn't exist. Impossible to find, can't find. All of a sudden, she stopped looking and feeling like she needed someone and just decided to focus on herself and the thing that she was looking for this whole time happened. And this is what I call the backward law of dating. Right. Once you realize you don't need someone else to make you feel whole, you'll find a partner who fulfills you completely. And so once you stop looking, all of a sudden you start sending out this energy where you're more confident, it makes you more appealing, and things just start falling into place.

Yeah, it's something that over the past decade of being a coach, I've definitely had to instill this idea in our clients who first join and start working with us because when they joined, they have rightfully so, a very outcome focused mindset, which is, I joined this coaching program, I want help, I want to find love outcome. And the problem is if we put so much of our pressure and mind energy towards this outcome, suddenly it can actually hurt us when we're going out and meeting people. So what we always advise our clients to do is of course we create a love vision. We want to achieve that outcome. But once we know that that's the outcome we want, we actually put it out of our brain and then focus on the behaviors to get us there. So getting out there, meeting lots of people, learning how to flirt, learning how to pace, learning all the strategies, very important, pedal to the metal on those things without a concern for the outcome. And if you can do those things while having the mindset of this is my year, I don't care if it works out, I don't care if I meet my man, I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. I'm just having a great time. Bam. That's where. I mean, sorry for the listeners who had to hear my clap there, but like, that's the moment where the guy walks into their life. It's when you can detach yourself. Because if we have this, all these behaviors and all these things and we're going out there and just hoping for a boyfriend, hoping for a guy to get our number, hoping for a guy to ask us out, hoping for a guy to call us back, all of these things, it adds this pressure and can make us depressed if it doesn't happen immediately. So I love that Deb did that. I'm not surprised that that happened. That's a very common story for us.

Yeah. What I like about this idea of being selfish and it's okay to be a little bit selfish is I think one of the main things that makes people dislike dating and not have fun is they start taking on this like self sacrifice, martyrdom kind of complex where I'm gonna be really hard on myself and I'm gonna do all the hard things. And it's like, work, work, work, effort, effort, effort, discipline, discipline, discipline. And it's like, yes, that is part of it in some ways. But you don't have to be mean to yourself. You don't have to like starve yourself and overwork yourself and just like make yourself miserable. That's not the key to happiness in life. And so we will suggest to our clients, like, update your wardrobe. Focus on how you eat, how you sleep, what you, how you move, Go out and do things. But you're not doing those to find a guy. You're not doing those for men. You are doing all of those activities completely and solely for you. Update your wardrobe. So you wear things that you like to wear, eat things you want to eat, do things that make you feel good. Not as a means to an end, but solely because, and this is so important, you deserve it.

Right?

You deserve it. You're a high value woman. You deserve it. So that's the reason why you're going to do all these things. The rest will take care of itself.

Are you getting tired of the guys who don't want to commit? And are you ready to attract that long lasting relationship? Well, for podcast listeners, we have a very special training that is available at he commits.com when you go over there, you can go ahead and reserve a seat. We are going to walk you through the five secret strategies that make men commit. I want you to discover your power and make guys beg for your affection. Go to he commits.com and you can dive deep into that content. All right, back to the pod. And I think like, the deeper reason why that's so, so important to do it for yourself and not for men or for dating, is because it's. If you do that thing, let's say you go out and get a makeover, full body makeover, get all the new clothing, all this stuff, and the first time you go out, men aren't receptive. Guess what? You're going to be like, ugh, it didn't Work, I don't want to do this anymore. But if you do it for you, then none of that matters because you feel good about you, and that's actually what matters the most. You know, it's like when you can go out and you don't give a crap about anybody other than you feeling good. You looked at yourself in the mirror and you said, damn, I look good. Like, I look good. I feel good tonight. That then suddenly it puts off this aura that just surrounds you that men are like, who is that? That is an energy I haven't seen in a long time. So you got to do it for yourself and not be so focused on the outcome. Be focused on the behaviors and do those behaviors for yourself. When it comes to socializing, do behaviors that you go to places that you really enjoy going to. If you're really into pickleball, that's your thing. Do it. Do it a lot and do it consistently. And be super social when you go to those places. Not to necessarily meet men, but that could be a nice byproduct. But do it because you enjoy it, and then you'll gradually start building your social life. If you really enjoy nightclubs, go for it. By all means, if you enjoy it. If you're into, like, electronic music, I doubt most of our audience likes that, but let's just say is an extreme example. Go for it. There are great people there. What matters most is you having fun and you enjoying it because people want to be around other people who are having fun. Like, Gary, have you ever walked into a place and you can just tell, like, a group of women, or men for that matter, are just miserable, and they're like, they're miserable and they're looking. You can tell, like scanning the room.

With a scowl on the. Their face.

Yeah, totally. Totally.

We.

We had an event a couple months ago in Boston for our highest level clients, and we all have a night out. And I remember that night in particular. There was a group of women there that weren't part of Love strategies and everything we do. And they were in the corner just looking miserable and clearly manhunting. They were just looking around. I could see them sipping their wine, just waiting for a guy to come around, doing the complete opposite of what we'd recommend. And then our clients come in and just light up the room. And I saw them get even more annoyed because they're like, who are these women? Now I have competition. And you're like, you women don't have a chance against our clients. I hate to say it.

You don't because the people who know how to have fun, it's magnetic. We want to be with other. Who doesn't want to have fun. So you want to be with other people that are having fun. Fun. It totally makes sense if you think about it.

Amen. Amen. All right, the third one. Gary, I'm going to need some info from you because you are advising for people to take a dating vacation. Do you know what we do? Do you know what I do for a living? What do you.

Adam. What. What if I. Instead of saying dating vacation, I said a strategic pause.

It's more on brand, but, you know, we'll explain the point and then we'll.

So I have suggested this to clients, and they kind of give that same response, like, wait, what? Don't you know what I'm here to do? Like, I'm looking for this person that's literally the opposite of what I want. How am I going to find a partner if I'm taking a pause? Here's the thing is, if you get yourself into the dating doldrums where you're feeling stressed, pressured, frazzled, frustrated, feeling negative, and you're going to go out and date with that energy, you're going to look for problems, you're going to be negative, you're going to find complaints, all this stuff, even if the world's best guy came along, you're not going to be able to attract him, because we don't. No one's attracted to negative energy. Guys don't want to spend time with those women in the corner with their arms crossed at the scowls on their face. Like, that's just not attractive. And so what we know from research is emotions are contagious, and so we will not gravitate towards others who have negativity. So if you're dating and you feel negative, it's. You're wasting your time completely. And so what do you need to do? You take a little reset. Take just a tiny little reset so that you can start dating again. Showing up with your best self. Just had a client that did this. She was feeling bad, and she's. She gets on a mastermind. She's like, I don't know what to do. I was like, hey, I give you permission to take it. Take a little dating vacation. She's like, really? I'm allowed to do that? Absolutely. I'm like, this is supposed to be fun. She's like, well, I'm not having fun right now. I said, right. So. But you do believe that dating can be fun. She's like, I do believe it can be fun. I'm just not having fun. Like, hit a little reset. Little. Little break. A strategic pause. A dating vacation. She went. She know she went big. She decided she was going to take herself to Costa Rica. She went to Costa Rica for a week as a little vacation. You don't have to. It doesn't have to be that extreme. It could be a weekend off where you just spend a little time on yourself, but take the time to pause so that you can come. It's like anything else in life, right? If you keep working at something 20 hours straight on a day, you're going to burn out. You need breaks, you need time away. And so it's the same principle here.

Yeah, I mean, I totally agree, and I've given that advice for a long time myself. When clients, if they go on a rough date and they're just not feeling it, and that happens, you know, it's part of the dating process. Press pause. You can press pause for a week. Just have it in the calendar. You know, you don't have to necessarily put it in the calendar, but have a date when you're getting back on the dating apps and getting this thing going, when you're ready to press play again. Because what can happen is if we're not. If we're taking an intentional vacation and truly working on ourselves, and maybe it's a hobby, maybe it's. It's leaning back into a group of friends that we haven't connected with again, I think all of those things are great, but we want to be intentional with this time and use it right. Where I'm not on board with the dating vacation is if then we just dive into work or do something else that doesn't actually fill our cup again, and we come back a week later or two weeks later, and we're still the same miserable selves that we were before. So I'm all on board with that. Sometimes there is a time to press pause and press, press play. We just want to be really intentional with that time.

I mean, and I think the other thing that I've seen this half a dozen times just literally in the last year, where one of our clients will say, I feel like I need a break. And I'm like, great, take a break. They'll say, well, how long of a break do I need? Like, I don't, you know, what do you think? And they'll say something like, definitely several weeks or a month. And I'm just say the same thing. Great. Take whatever you need. And so they then give themselves permission to actually take a real authentic break. And always within a week, they're like, I think I'm going to start looking at the apps again. I think I'm going to start going out again. Because it never takes the break, never needs to take as long as you think it does. You just need to give yourself permission. Like, I don't have to do this because dating shouldn't feel like a job. It shouldn't feel like this task you have. It's a get to, not a have to. And so if you're starting to feel like, oh, gosh, I have to do break, right, because you want to make sure it's clear to yourself that you're doing this by choice. And again, theme of the day, this should be fun. And if you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. So find a strike. Like one of the most common ones. Not to go on a little tangent, but with online dating, people will start like, I'm scrolling and it's just so monotonous. Take a break. And usually people feel that way because they're the type of person who's any chance they get when they have downtime during the day, they're scrolling, right? And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

Give yourself a half hour, 30 minutes, one time a day. That's your scrolling time. The rest is live your lifetime. Dating is not your life. Two separate things.

Amen. I will throw in a caveat just because I've seen this so many times over the past decade of doing this, where some people say, I'm taking a break, which means they're gonna keep dating, but just do it without intention. And what I'll always say is, if you're taking a break, take a break. But that doesn't mean let's go into, like, little love steps. Ish situation where it's like, oh, I'm gonna take a break. And there's this guy that I've been talking to. I think I'm just gonna start, like, seeing him a little bit casually and just spend some time with him. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on. Like, that's not taking a break. That's just finding excuse to not follow the process. So I had to throw that caveat in because I just had that conversation so many times over the years where it's like, we want to stay intentional. And if the break is intentional, great, do it. Fill your cup back up, then go back out there and do it once again with intention.

Do. Do everything 100%, date 100%, break 100%. Right? It's like with your job, you don't take vacation days and then do work while on your vacation days. And if you do. If you do, you should not do that.

That's so true. What I. What a perfect example. And I was just talking to someone who works at Love strategies that exact same thing, because Lloyd, who work. He runs our operations, was like, yeah, I'm going on vacation in November, but I'll be on every single day. I'm like, no, no, there's no need. Spend time with your family, do your thing, then come back. Come back full, ready to roll, you know? So it's good. It's a good example.

So the fourth key to having fun. This is. I like this one. This one's important because I think this is, like, one of the key sources of negativity in the dating world, and it doesn't have to be. And so ghosting is one of those behaviors that I know for our client drives them nuts. They get so mad.

Yeah.

So mad. And so here's the thing.

It's so rude. It's so rude.

It's terrible, right? The fact. And that's a fact. The people who ghost you are terrible, awful human beings. They suck. Plain. Right? That's just how it is. Here's the thing, and here's the key to having fun with dating is see the gift in ghosting. And you're like, wait, what? No, they're still. They're still terrible, right? But if you see the gift of ghosting, it doesn't have to ruin your dating experience. And the gift is they are saving you time. They are revealing their true character. They showed you who they were. It didn't take extra weeks, months, or years to figure this out. You saw it sooner, and they're completely gone. You don't have to deal with them ever again. Now you're free to go find people who are actually worth your time. That is a gift.

Yeah. I remember back. This is probably five or six years ago. A client told me about this guy that she was talking to online. And I kept advising her that he wasn't clearly invested in the situation. She was trying to push it forward. It was one of those situations where I was really trying to overcome some inner challenges she had. And it was being reflected with this particular situation. And then this guy just completely ghosted on her. And she told me this, and I'm like, oh, thank God. Thank God. And she's like, what? Thank God, Thank God this guy is out of your life. Because now you have just avoided a year of casual situationship of this just draining your emotional energy. You hoping that it's going to turn into something it never was going to turn into anything. Thank God. Thank God. And she didn't like that very much, but she got the point. And guess what, a month later, she was now open and she met an incredible guy. And I think they're married now. So it's like. And now of course she, I'm sure she would thank me for that situation. But really, at the end of the day, it's not about me. It's about thank the guy who ghosted her. That's the big one. Thank you, guy.

Right. And so, you know, these ghosting situations, it's like ripping off the band aid. It's like, let's just get this done over with right away. Sometimes they're saving you from yourself, the person who's not so great for you that you can't quite get rid of. And then they just disappear in those situations. Like, oh gosh, that made it easier, right? They nexted themselves, they moved on out of my life without me having to do it. Great. And that is so much. Successful people look at the world this way. They have an optimistic framework. They see the good in any situation. And this is something. As much as ghosting is just crappy human behavior, there are positives to it and it's going to make dating a lot more fun. If you see it that way.

Well, here's the crazy kicker, Gary, you ready for this one? The more that you project your high value energy while dating, the more you may get ghosted. And that's a good thing. And it might not come in the form of ghosting. It might come in the form of guys who are flaky or just not necessarily leaning in, because those were the guys that were only interested in something short term. So when you start setting your standard for men and saying, I'm not the type of woman who does the casual thing, I need a man who really leans in. Guess what? The wrong guys lean back. And then the only ones that are left over are the guys who are leaning in. So it's actually a filtration mechanism. Like you'll notice you'll be filtering out more men who would have previously wasted so much of your time and energy. And that's a good thing. Great. Bye.

Bye.

See you later, dude. Go live your life. And that's fine. And then that's it, you know, I think that that is like the true enlightenment period when it comes to dating is if you can have someone flake out on you or they ghost on you and the moment that happens, you're like, that's such unattractive behavior that I would never even consider going out with that person again. Like, that's where you've really just made it to the next level. When someone does that because they've shown who they are, like, they have shown their true character as being the type of person who doesn't have the guts to just pick up the phone call and say, hey, I'm not interested. They just ghosted. You've just seen it. So what are we even doing wasting any energy from this point forward on this type of human being? No way. What would that guy be like as a husband? Will that guy be like as a father? Will that guy be like in his 60s and 70s, sitting at the rocking chair, looking at a lake and talking about life? He'd be awful because he's got low character. So what are we worried about? Good bye. Bye.

This is one of those life principles, right, where when you really start understanding any behavior, you realize that there are multiple ways to win. And so I think one of the problems people run into with dating is they think the only way to win is to find their number one best person. Now that is a win. Don't get me wrong. But avoiding the crappy guys that are going to waste your time, that's also a win. Think of, I mean, everybody, listen to this. Think back in your life of how many times if you would have just never spent and wasted months, years with certain people in your life, how much of a win that would be, how much better off you would feel about things. And so these people that are ghosting were never going to work out. They were never going to work out. What you're missing if you, if you miss those people is something that wasn't real anyway. It was something that you were imagining. And so buy let em go. Good riddance. Thank you, win. Yeah.

And then finally you'll be able to open up your heart to the right guys who do step up. Now with that said, Gary's point number five feels a little tough lovey. So I'm gonna let you go with this one. Gary, please do the honors. I'm throwing this one your way, throwing the ball over to you.

You know what the important thing about tough love, Adam, is the love.

And so it's so true. I mean, this all comes from a place of Caring about every single one of you, your life. So we're going to tell you how it is.

And so the key to having fun, number five. I save. I like this one a lot. The best for last is to have fun. Stop being so damn basic. Which means, you know, basic dating behavior is the basic behavior that everybody does. The good morning text. How's your day? You meet, what do you do? How is your family? All the basics. Stop. You don't have to date this way. And so if you're starting to feel like dating isn't fun, maybe it's because you feel like you're following this playbook and this rule book that you didn't write, that you don't want to follow, that you don't really want to do it this way. Great. I see this to clients all the time. They're like, I don't really feel like getting into these, like, long, drawn out texting, converse, don't, don't do it. Don't like no one. We wouldn't tell you to do that. Do what you feel like doing. That's fun for you. Send fun texts. Send texts that are. There are pictures, funny memes, something amusing, interesting, fun. Weird question like, hey, hey, man, weird question. And then ask a weird question like, whatever, whatever it happens to be. Like, you don't have to do basic dates. He wants to take you to coffee. Nope. Want to go to the movies? Nope. Let's go roller skating. I don't know, like, whatever it happens to be. That sounds like a nightmare to me. But whatever, like, whatever it is for you, that's fun, lean into it. Do that thing.

Yeah. And by doing that, it separates you so much more. Everyone here listening. I mean, the thousands of people that listen to this podcast, you all are so incredibly unique and special. And I'm not saying that from a cheesy perspective, it's just true. And for whatever reason, when it comes to dating, we all start to conform because we see all the other people doing the same thing. I went through this space. I saw the guys who were successful with women. So I'm like, oh, they dress a certain way, they speak a certain way. They're telling me they text women a certain way. So I started doing all these things, but then suddenly I lost myself. Like I wasn't me anymore. And that was kind of like the. The magic spark I had to get back. I mean, I honestly had to undo a lot of the quote unquote work that I was doing by trying to just copy everyone else. And so instead, lean into Your quirks lean into what makes you special and really unique and fun. And, yeah, you might ruffle a few feathers every once in a while. I mean, God, that's okay. Like, that's part of dating. That's part of socializing. Be risky. Have some fun. Like. Like you said, Gary, if you're into, like, really weird memes online that are really funny to you, but they're like, really, really, really, like, they're coming out of left field, throw it out there. See what he does. See if he's got the same sense of humor as you. Like, I don't know, Gary. You probably have some weird, like, scientist type nerdy memes you send out. I'm sure if you were dating, you would send those out, right?

I said, yeah, like, dad, joke stuff. Statistic memes. Like, there are memes out there about stats. Like, I find some of this stuff funny. I put it up on PowerPoints for my class, and I have college students, and they're like, they'll, like, look at it. And here's the thing, because I think it's so funny, it teaches them that it's funny, too. If I was like, this is kind of dumb, they'd be like, yeah, that is dumb. But it just proves the point that if you really embrace whatever it is about yourself that you like unapologetically, with confidence, people are drawn to that. We like people who are sure of themselves. And so when you're out there dating, don't do the basic, what do you do to figure out what kind of job they have? Ask them a better question. Ask them a fun question, like, what's creating energy in your life right now? Right. That could be anything now. They don't have to talk about work. We talk about work because we feel like we have to talk about work. Nobody really wants to talk about work. It's a terrible conversation. No.

It'S just not hot.

Well put.

It's funny you mentioned college college students. I went on a college tour. God, this is about literally 10 years ago now. But I was lecturing at a lot of colleges on dating and relationships, and I went through a phase where I was getting really bored of my presentation. I'm not going to lie. So I started to do impressions. I think you've heard me try and do. One of them is, like, an Italian guy. And, like, there's. And the thing is, I'm really, really bad at impressions.

Like, I was going to say try. Try is the key word, Right?

And they were so bad. But I would, like, lean in so Hard because it was part of a story. I had a few different stories that required different impressions. And honestly, like, I would watch the video and be so embarrassed because we'd film a lot of the videos. I'd be so embarrassed myself. But the audience, I think, enjoyed it. I mean, we got good reviews just because I was having fun with it. Like, if I was doing it and I wasn't enjoying it and kind of laughing at myself, I don't think it would hit. If I took it really, really seriously and it was like trying to do the perfect impression or whatever it is, it wouldn't hit. But if you're just legitimately just letting it flow who you are, that's the contagious part. That is like, people just want to lean into that. So just be yourself, man. Like that's what it means to be yourself, you know, truly. And I know we kind of cringe at that advice because there's. I think what people mostly mean by that is not this, but yeah, be fully intentional. Let yourself flow, baby. Let it go.

And you use the word in there that. It wasn't one of the Italian sounding ones, but it was a word that I think is really important, which is we perfect. We try so hard to be perfect, especially on a first date. We think that we have to say exactly the right thing, that there's an exact right string of words that's going to bring about this magical outcome. But perfectionism is paralyzed. And so what I would suggest is have fun by embracing imperfection. First dates are not going to go perfectly. Just know that that's the case and be okay with it. I suggest the clients all the time on first dates, be a little experimental, a little exploratory. Like try something new. Like you kind of have like your go to things on a first date that like you want to make sure you convey and all. But every have one thing that's like, this is my experimental material. I'm going to throw this out there, see what happens. Just try it. Like, comedians do this kind of stuff all the time. Anybody that works on talks, it's. There's parts of it that you try with different audiences to see how it goes with dating. It's the same kind of process. And so this helps you not take the whole thing so seriously. It encourages you to try out new things. Be a little risky in terms of like, maybe I shouldn't share about my weird obsession with whatever it happens to be. That is a really positive way to approach dating that really lowers the pressure and lets your true Self shine.

Amen to that. Yeah. And Gary, I know that there's a psychological effect. It's called the pratfall effect. Is that correct? Yeah. I mean, we relate to people's imperfections more than them being perfect. Gary, you should probably explain this. You're a resident psychologist.

No. You did a really good job. Yeah. So it's like, you know, we don't. Perfection is actually intimidating. And so when we find out that people are imperfect, we actually like them better. They seem more approachable, they seem more normal versus someone who's perfect and, like, magnificently articulate in everything that they say. It's like they're on this pedestal and they seem weird and unapproachable, like, gosh, I'm not like them. I don't speak like that. And so it's intimidating versus someone who's plain spoken, down to earth, normal, says the wrong thing on occasion, laughs at themselves. A little self deprecating. Oh, my gosh, they're just like me. Normal.

Normal. All right, so, ladies, get out there, go have some fun. Imperfectionism, that's the theme for this week. Get out there, have some fun, and let us know how it goes. Thanks, Gary. That was great.

Thanks, Adam.

So now you've reached the end of the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. And because you have proven that you are serious about attracting love, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you didn't feel that way. What I'd love for you to do is go to loveapply.com where you can apply for a complimentary love strategy session where a professional love strategist on my team is going to speak with you directly and be able to see whether or not our executive love coaching programs can be transformational for you and your love life. There's absolutely no fee whatsoever. All you got to do is head on over to loveapply.com schedule that session, and you could be speaking with someone on my team over the next couple days. All right, thanks so much. Talk to you soon.

Bye. Bye.