5 Sneaky Ways Guys Secretly Lie While Dating

All right, in today's very special podcast, we're going to be talking about five sneaky ways that guys secretly lie to you while dating. Gary, I've been kind of lying to you today in our session.

Oh, no, come on, not me.

No, I'm not wearing pants right now.

Oh, God.

I'm wearing shorts.

Okay, okay.

But we all do that on Zoom meetings, right? Come on.

It's true.

You know, nothing like a little underwear on a zoom.

No, just, just a pro tip. Next time, just say I'm wearing shorts. Don't say I'm not wearing pants.

It's still the truth. It's still the truth. Welcome to the Love Strategies podcast, where we help successful women attract high value men, date with a strategy and improve their relationships. Now, whether you're single or dating or in a new relationship, we're here to help you dive into the male mind and provide raw insights found nowhere else, backed by science, psychology, and our own personal experiences. Your, your hosts today are myself, Adam Lodolce, professional dating coach and founder of love strategies, and Dr. Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor, and our head relationship coach here at Love Strategies. Please share with a friend and enjoy. But in all seriousness, we are going to be getting to some, some lies, honestly, that men tell you while dating in 20. Before this, while Gary thought I was wearing pants. We just got into a whole debate about, like, should we just totally crap on men right now and totally shit on them or should we, you know, what's the balance here? And the reality is everyone lies while dating, but men lie in a particular way. And given our expertise of not only being guys and my expertise as having coached men in love, as well as our expertise of coaching literally tens of thousands of women in their love life, we have a pretty unique perspective on this one. And we've seen five big lies that can really set women astray. So I think, think this will be a good one.

Yeah. And I think so much of this, I, I, I do feel a little bit like we're breaking bro code on this because we are going to talk about the things that guys do that are like, typical guy moves that I don't think women really know are even happening most of the time and don't recognize it as happening and certainly not how to address it. And so I feel a little bit like a traitor to my brethren and with this. But at the same time, this is a podcast for women. This is what we do with our clients all the time, constantly giving that male perspective, the thing that women don't realize and don't think about. And so I think what's important with this is we're calling this lying because it is fundamentally, when you're not telling the truth, it is lying. Guys wouldn't necessarily consider any of these lies because they're creating these perfectly crafted linguistic puzzles that give you just enough honesty to seem without it being an out now blatant lie, but yet at the same time still being a lie. Like, guys don't get a ton of credit for being good with verbal skills, but this is one of those areas where they shine. They shine.

Yeah. I think the reality is most people, men and women, the vast majority of people, really don't want to think of themselves as lying, being liars, being dishonest, or being untrustworthy. And look, we all know that those things are bad, so we want to avoid, like the blatant lies. Right. That's just what people do. Like most people, some people just lie outright. Most people, though, they don't want to be terrible people and they find these weird ways to kind of manipulate you. It's like a psychological minefield of verbal manipulation, you know, and they're a little bit harder to detect. So today we're going to be going through five of these that I think it's really going to enable you to get a feel for his character. Because something that we really encourage our clients to focus on when they're looking for love is to look for a high character guy. Right. It's not just a guy who can walk in, who can 6 foot 5 and own a room and have the best suit in the place and the $20,000 watch and the confidence that just lights up everyone in the room. Yeah. Certainly we're going to target the right types of people for you. But most importantly, underneath all of that is someone who's high character. Someone who's high character is going to be a great partner. They're going to be a great husband and be a great father and a great family member.

I love what you said about how not. No one wants to think of themselves as a liar because people want to give you just enough truth so they're not lying without blatantly telling you something that's false. Even terrible people, terrible guys out there, which is a very, very low percentage of men. Right. It's like a 1 2% that are just like the world's worst. They are not even going to give you blatant lies because they know that those lies are more easily detected. And so there's this like, subtlety to all this, where someone can say something to you like, I'm not seeing anyone right now. And that can mean everything great. Or it can mean absolutely nothing. And so what we're really going to do today is help you all become a human lie detector to understand the art of what's not being said. And so we got five signs of lying loopholes that guys use to be a little less than fully honest.

Yeah, absolutely. So I feel like we just jump right into these lying loopholes. Gary, you want to do the first one?

First one, Number one, phantom wording. So this is where they're using intentionally vague or imprecise worthing wording that allows you to misinterpret the meaning. Right. And so they'll say things like, yeah, we spent time together. You're asking about, you know, some woman in his life. Yeah, we spend time together. Well, what's that mean? Like, I spend time together with people at the gym every morning. I don't. Like that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. Or it means everything. Like, time we were friends. Wow. Friends. That covers a lot of ground. Right? Sometimes guys will just give like a. Yeah, I might have done that. Yeah, like, they want to admit something, but not really. I might have. I might have done that. And so it's giving you just enough to have, like, almost plausible deniability where you can read into it, like, oh, when he says he might have done that, I'm sure he didn't, because if he would have done that thing, he would remember and he would have said that. And it's like, you're doing most of the work there in the interpretation, and he's not. And so he's just leaving it purposefully vague with this phantom wording so that you jump in and do the work for him.

Just like slithery snakes. People who do this type of stuff, you're just like, you can't pin them. You can't pin them down. It's like one. What are they actually saying? What's going on here? It's so annoying. I can't stand people that are like that either. Even outside of romantic, it's just like, be upfront. What are you really trying to say here? It's ridiculous. It's all bs.

I feel like people do this in job interviews, right?

Big time. Right?

It's like, you know what. What was your last position like? Well, I was pretty high up in the company, and it's like, well, were you? Like, what's high up mean?

Right. Well, what did you do? With the last company, a lot of hyper strategic important initiatives that were synergic, synergistic, stick with the company. It's like, enough of the corporate speak. What are you saying? Just use words that make sense. Which leads us to the second lie of loopholes that men use, which is escape clause. And this is basically adding an extra phrase or some type of qualifying language that really puts the information in a very favorable context. You might say like, it's kind of like a contract loophole. Right? So it's sneaky because it technically is telling the truth, but it also softens and shifts or kind of like reframes the whole meaning to protect that person. So for example, let's say you ask a guy, so are you still in the apps? Which by the way, and I think that's a pretty lame question. I wouldn't ask that question in that way. But let's say you did ask that question. And he says, well, I'm not seeing anyone else right now. The interesting thing about that response is A, he didn't answer your question at all. And B, the right now part of that is doing a lot of work in that conversation, not seeing anyone else right now. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

This has happened, this one's in here. Because this has happened to our clients multiple times. Let's say, you know, we were having the talk about exclusivity and. And he said he's not seeing anyone else right now. I'm like, yeah, that doesn't count for anything. What do you mean? But he says, and he's not seeing anyone else right now. Like, well, why'd he say right now? Right? If you know the response you really want is I'm not seeing anyone else and nor do I want to see anybody else. I want to spend my time with you. Like, that's clear, that's unambiguous. Right now just basically means right now, in this moment, on a Wednesday afternoon, I'm not seeing anybody else. And starting Thursday night, that might change. Right? And he's still not lying.

He's just qualifying well with the little love steps. We have seven little love steps that help our clients go from being single to a long lasting relationship. There's seven of them. And we have little love steps five and six. And there's a big difference between the two of them. Little love step five means that you are talking to multiple people. You're, you are slowing things down. You are what we call pacing in the connection to determine if he's a good fit for your love vision. But Little Love Step six means you are an exclusive, committed relationship and we start setting boundaries for that relationship. So there's a huge difference between the two. That's like the big one is if you're in Little Love Step six, you're in a relationship. Right? It's very clear. But I've had clients over the years try and create a little love step 5.5, where it's like, yeah, he says he's like not really dating anyone else right now, or he's not really on the apps. But I did see him on the app, but he doesn't check it very often. And this, there's not many things that will make me go bonkers on a client, but it is the mention. The 5.5 thing became a thing for a few years. Gary, I don't know if you've ever heard that, but it was. This is a few years back, like probably four or five years back. But oh my God, I shut that thing down so quickly where I'm like, there is no part of the Little love Steps where 5.5 exists.

It is.

You are either exclusive, clearly. And we map out exactly how to have that conversation in many different ways. So that is very clear. You're either exclusive or you're not. There's nothing in between. That's it. And if he uses any of these types of escape clauses, then you, my beautiful lady, are still in Little Love step five, which means you should still continue exploring other options. You know, it's. It really is that clear. And I think the clients who like, adopt that thinking they never find themselves in casual situationships again. Like, it's just, it's not a thing. It's not open for debate. It's a non conversation. It's. There's no escape clause. It's just straightforward. This is the situation.

So there are no decimals in the Little Love Steps?

Dear God, no. So one thing you'll hear a lot on the podcast is us mentioning the seven Little Love steps. These are seven powerful yet simple steps that you can take in your love life to attract that man that lasts for the rest of your life. So if you don't know the seven little love steps, then I have a free training for you. It's completely free. Just head on over to the lovesteps.com and go through that virtual training. I think you're going to really enjoy it and get a lot out of it and understand our exact framework for attracting that relationship you truly deserve. Again, that's the lovesteps.com all right. Back to the pod.

I have not heard that 5.5 thing, but it doesn't surprise me because this is one of the trickiest word forensic word analysis things that I think clients don't do when they need to. Like so many other times. Like they're forensically word analyze texts and things. But then when it comes to the commitment and exclusivity conversation, it's like all that somehow flies out the window. Because another one that I've heard clients say is, you know, they'll ask a guy kind of, you know, what are we? Like, what, what, how do you think of our relationship? And the guy says something like, you know, I mean, I guess we're kind of boyfriend and girlfriend. And she's like, see, I told you, we're exclusive, we're committed. I'm like, no, no, no. Kind of, what does kind of mean? And it's like to address these things in your relationship, you're having these discussions, you want to ask. Someone says, yeah, we're kind of in a relationship. Well, what does kind of mean? I'm not seeing anybody else right now. What does right now mean? And don't fill in the blank form. Just ask and have him explain. Because it could be an honest, simple mistake, or it could be he's being purposely evasive and you want to figure out which is which.

He could be purposely evasive or he could be a little bit shy about saying we're boyfriend girlfriend. And maybe he'll just be like, no, no, I mean boyfriend, girlfriend, like I was just saying kind of because I wasn't sure about how you felt. Okay, cool. Now, now that's clarity. Now we're in little love step six. But if he's like, well, what does kind of mean? It means, well, you know, I like seeing you and I like spending time with you, but you know, I'm not really looking for anything super serious right now. Right now we're back in little love step five, right? Like, it's just getting that next level of information at that point is going to set you free. And don't let yourself fall into this trap of hope. Sometimes we just hear things that we want to hear and we interpret it in a way that gets us the desired result. But guess what? It might get you the desired result for today, but in three months, God help your soul, like not to be.

Dramatic here, if you make it too easy now, you're going to end up in a hard relationship later, right? And like, and that's, that's what you want to avoid. And I Think. You know the third line loophole that guys use a lot, and it's, it's a little bit of an undercurrent of a lot of these things is you have to really pay attention to what he's not saying. Right. So he'll answer the question, but doesn't really address what you were actually asking. So they're not lying, they're giving a viable reply, but they're leaving out the really important part. It's highly evasive. And so, you know, in nerd speak, we would call this an era of omission. Right. They're not saying something that's objectively false, but they're just leaving out pieces. And so you can ask something like, are you seeing anyone else? And he responds, how could I? I'm here with you. Right. It's not a clear answer. If the person wasn't seeing anybody else, they would just say that. Right. Another version of this is do you love me? And then they answer and say, I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone else. Oh, that sounds great. It sounds like, you know, so he's letting you. What we've talked about before is fibbing, filling in the blank yourself of, he said he cares about me more than he cares about anybody else. He didn't say he loved you. Now, I mean, it's a whole separate thing whether you should care or whatever. But it's like he's not saying the thing. There's one last one that I think is really important that's super smooth and very classically what they're not saying. It's what are you looking for in a relationship? And a guy answers in some kind of highly, highly romanticized version of I'm looking for a deep connection, the counterpart to my soul. Someone who can make every moment more magical. And it's like, that's just super slick speech for really. What's he looking for? He's looking for sex. He's looking for sex. Like he's trying to be like super smooth and romantic. And it's like you're trying to ask like, are you looking for a serious, real fulfilling, long term relationship? He drops the romance bomb on you and it's like he's just doing it to sound all like a super romantic guy. And it's like, you know how you want to have the most magical connection when guys start talking magical connections and souls and deep connections and all that, it's all, it's. It's just sex.

Yeah. I mean, look, it's just, it doesn't make sense to answer a question like that in that way. Like, look, if a guy's talking about a magical connection, there's some softies out there. I would argue that might say something like that. But it would be in a different context. Like when you're asking someone pretty straight up, like, what are you looking for in a relationship? A guy who's looking for a relationship, like, I'm looking for a partner who X, Y and Z. Or I'm looking for a woman who X, Y and Z. Now he's answering the question because implicit in the question is that you are looking for a relationship. So what are you looking for in a relationship? Assumes that you want a relationship. So if someone's not answering that question in a clear way, that's his way of saying, you know, I'm looking for deep connection, a woman, a counterpart to my soul. It's like, yeah, he doesn't want a relationship. Nope.

Right.

Doesn't want it. No way. Another lying loophole that we'll see from a lot of guys. We'll hear about this and we gotta reframe it with our newer clients when they start getting out there. And dating is deflection, and that is simply avoiding the conversation by answering a different question. Maybe a change the topic. Maybe you answer a question with a question. That's my favorite one. Right, Gary? So, for example, let's say you ask him, are you still seeing your ex? Or are you still talking to your ex? Would be a more likely question. If he responds, why would you even ask me that? Don't you trust me? Shady, sketchy, sketchy dude, right? Or if you're asking him, let's say you didn't hear from him for a couple days and you're in a committed relationship and you're like, where were you yesterday? Where were you last night? And he goes, why? He was checking up on me. It's exhausting. Deflection, Deflection. It's weird.

Yeah. Not answering. Just answer the question.

Just answer the question. And the thing is, like, humans have been fine tuned to have pretty good bullshit detectors. Like, we really have. We're pretty fine tuned to this with our intuition. When someone is just being a little bit off, there's that kind of feeling we get in our gut that something doesn't add up. The problem is, when it comes to love, when we. When we love a person or we are building a relationship with that person, we tend to override that intuition and try to hear what it is that we want to hear. Because the heart can be stronger than the gut. And so if you're finding that he answers a question a certain way, and you get this immediate feeling in your gut, but then you're quickly overriding it from your heart because you're like, oh, no, no, he's fine. He's right. Why am I always checking up on him? Go back to the gut. Go back to the stomach. Because that is the truth. Like, there's nothing trying to. That's something I've been working on for the past few years, is just trying to listen to my gut, my intuition, not letting my brain or my heart override those two things. And it can really set you. It's one of those things. You're like, you're leveraging millions of years of evolution that's developed that intuition.

Oh, okay, so you mentioned evolution. You mentioned line detecting. Can I like a little tangent of something that I just heard recently, I think is fascinating?

You just dorked out hard. Yeah, I did.

Like, so, okay, this is gonna seem like it has nothing to do, but it all ties in. Okay, so it was. And I forget where I saw this. Read this. Something I've been doing, like, a lot of, like, background reading lately. And so it was talking about this idea that why do humans drink alcohol, right? And, like, what is alcohol's purpose? And it does lots of things. You know, you've had a drink, you're kind of familiar with how it makes you feel and all this stuff. But one of the really interesting things about alcohol is humans are social. And so how did we decide that this was a useful thing for us in groups? And so going back. Evolution, right? Caveman kind of stuff. When you drink alcohol, you are more honest. You're. It's. It's much more difficult to lie. Also when you drink alcohol. When you drink alcohol, you're a better lie detector. And so part of what evolutionary people think in terms of, like, how did alcohol become such a big part of humans existence? Because we're social creatures. Being able to detect lies is really important. So if you're sitting around in a group, like, let's say, you know, it's a bunch of, like, guys out on a hunting trip or something, and it's like you're out looking for the woolly mammoth or whatever you did out on the plains, right? And you're all kind of drinking, like, you have this, like, shared bonding, honest experience where I'm more able to tell if you're lying, you're less able to lie, and we just kind of get down to the truth. And that builds bonds and trust in groups.

Interesting, right? So alcohol is good for me. That's what I got from that lesson.

The things they don't tell you in high school.

Keep up with my tequila habit on Friday nights. I love that. Well, it does. It just cuts through all the BS and it gets, like, to the true honesty. You're just going to be much more blunt with people, and you're likely a better lie detector because you're no longer being dishonest with yourself. Right? You're like, you're. You're, like, able to cut through it all and just get to the heart of it. You're no longer telling yourself the story, which is like, oh, yeah, he was actually out with friends. He's fine. It's like, no, that's bs. Don't listen to that. Like, you had a couple drinks. We're not putting up with that anymore.

Because to convince yourself of a story that's not true takes a tremendous amount of cognitive horsepower, right? You've got to kind of, like, analyze it from different directions and convince yourself of things. There's, like a lot of mental gymnastics that are going into that. And so, I don't know, you have a little. Little glass of wine, all of a sudden it's like, nah, oh, no. I'm gonna start saying, I'm not gonna. I don't have the extra resources anymore. It's the same thing with lying. To lie and be dishonest, you have to really think, what am I saying? How are they interpreting it? How might they misinterpret that? And it's like, you really have to be good at perspective taking. There's a whole bunch of stuff that goes into it, but it's like after you've had a, you know, a drink, it's. You just aren't as willing or able to put all that effort into it, which I. Again, I know this is a tangent, not about guys lying and things, but it. I find it fascinating. And it's like, I've been dying to share this somewhere. So here it is.

I love it.

There you go.

You know, I will take that as a, you know, a certain bias where we look for that information that we want to hear, you know, and that one, I want to hear that information. Alcohol is good. That's good. That really supports my lifestyle. So. Perfect. Gary, take us home.

All right, so the last one, the lying loophole that guys will use in a dating context is selective truth. So they are telling the truth, but they're only giving you the parts of the story that are non incriminating. They're purposely leaving out key details that the other person would want to know, but they are telling you 100% the truth. And you will see guys when they're doing this, be like, I am. Everything I said to you is the truth. Why aren't you believing me? And so how do you kind of thread that needle? Right? And so you ask, what did you do last night? He says, I was with friends last night. Now, sure, he probably was with friends last night, but he was also with somebody else and was also trying to hook up with somebody else, or he also was texting somebody else or God knows what other things he was doing. But he's like kind of just cherry picking the key pieces that are absolutely true and answering it in a way that is honest, but it's very selective. The parts that he's sharing.

Yeah. And that's, that's one of the trickiest ones to be able to decode for sure. If someone's just being selective with the truth, I mean, it is true. But there's also other information, which is why reading someone's body language is so, so important. And when it comes to master negotiators, if anyone. Gary, have you ever listened to like the, the podcast with the guys who've just like, negotiated major deals with like, terrorists and like, they know, they know how to read every single cue if he's lying, if he looks away for even one second at this one given moment, like, you just know. And I always love that. But God, I personally, I don't know about you, Gary, but I'm such a believer in everything people tell me. Like, I have to really work at that regularly to tap into my own gut feeling, because by nature, I really believe that everyone, humans are great people. Like, I really, truly believe that inside my soul. But it's only a certain percentage of them.

That is a better way, though, to be right. And so I think that's a really good way to, to wrap this whole thing up in just that. We talked a lot today about people lying, about people being dishonest, but what Adam just said about, you know, his default response is to basically implicitly trust people. And I, I do think that is the best starting point is just believe that people are telling you the truth until you have reason to believe that they're not. And what we gave you today are indicators where not necessarily that any of one of these is damning, that they're a lying liar. That's always going to be dishonest to You. It's more what we talk about all the time, which is be curious, evaluate the risk they're leaving. You know, they're sounding a little selective with the truth. They're deflecting, like they're doing these things. Okay. Learn more and make sure you're not fooling yourself, because sometimes you're the easiest person to fool.

Yeah. I mean, time will tell and how consistent a person is over a long period of time will tell you how much you can trust that person. And so if you're starting to get those uncomfortable feelings about a person, that intuition. Ask more questions and give it more time before we continue to move forward with this person, because that's the that ultimately it will reveal itself. But we don't want to be just jumping in head first with someone just because our heart tells us one thing and we're avoiding what our gut is telling us. So, Gary, this was a good one. This was fun. Thanks so much, man. And I'm gonna go put on some pants.

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Please put on pants.

Thanks, buddy. Tarxy.

Hi, Buddha.

All right, thank you so much for being a part of the Love Strategies community. By getting to the end of the podcast, you have proven that you are a high value woman who deserves a long lasting relationship. And we would love to help you get there. So what I recommend you do is go to loveapply.com and you can claim a free love strategy session where someone on my team is going to get on a call with you on a zoom session, be able to understand your challenges, and see whether or not we can help you make that a reality this year. So head on over to loveapply.com apply for that free love strategy session, and we cannot wait to help you attract that man you truly deserve. All right, thanks for being here.