5 Things You Should Never Do for a Man

Ladies, there are five things that you should literally never do for a man if you want real love. Because if you are like the vast majority of my clients, you're probably a giver, you're a people pleaser and you fall into what I call the giver's trap where you over give in relationships and you're not needy. It's because you're so loving, you're so caring, you want to fix people, you want to, you know, if you really care about a guy, you want nothing more than to see him win. But unfortunately, what this can do is lead you to really self abandonment. It's really sacrificing yourself for someone else. And the worst way to do that is sacrificing yourself for someone else who's not making any sacrifices for you. So today I really want to set the frame for all of you. And these are a few things that when we were working with our clients as an executive love coach, we are making sure that they are holding the line on these things if you're in a healthy relationship. And by the way, I would say the same things for men, these are never things you should do for a woman. But of course our audience is for single women who are looking for love. So let's jump into a few of these. The first one is to never ever abandon your own needs. It's so important when you're creating what we call a love vision and it's something we do with our clients. It's part of our seven little love steps. If you want to learn all, just go to lovestrategies.com we'll walk you through the entire process. Free training there, but anyways, I'll get through the key parts of this. When you are working on building your love vision and really getting crystal clear about the man in the relationship you really desire, not for the next three to five years, but for the next 20, 30 years and beyond. It's so important to differentiate your needs versus your wants. Your needs might be religion, it might be your value system, it might be family. What type of family you want to have, what type of relationship you want to have with his family. What is his existing family like? If you're a little bit later in life and you already have existing family, perhaps it's just specific ways that he treats you through respect. Those are needs, those are 100% non negotiables. We just don't negotiate on those things. Whereas there are some wants. Wants are very different. That might be, he loves to go hiking with me, right? It's great. You know, hiking is fine, it's cool. But if you met the man of your dreams and he treated you well, he was of the same religion, he had the same family values, but he just happened to not like hiking, would you still proceed with him? If the answer is a yes, then that means it's a want, it's not a need. So never abandon your needs. And it's so important for you to get absolutely crystal clear about this before you start getting out there and dating. Because the biggest trap that people fall into when they're dating is that if they haven't defined their needs in the process, they end up just focusing all of their energy on wants. And I get it. You want to be with a 6, 2, 6 foot 2 guy who, who is super charming and super great in bed, and you name it and look, maybe being great in bed is a need for you. And that's totally fine if you think it through and that's really, really important to you. But it's so important for us not to get kind of the shiny object syndrome when we're getting out there. In dating. I see this all the time. As humans, we are kind of biologically designed to be attracted to typically very superficial qualities. And I understand that. But again, as humans, we're kind of biologically designed to only be in shorter relationships. Like if you go back in human history, relationships weren't necessarily lasting for an entire lifetime. And there's plenty of evidence to show that. And so if we want to have a lifelong relationship, we need to date in a way that it's very focused on your needs. So don't abandon your your needs. Number two is never be his therapist. Ladies, I get it. You're over givers. You want to give and give and give. And you want to be supportive for him and you want to listen to him and you want to guide him. You want to fix him. But here's the thing about being a therapist in a relationship. Therapy is very one sided. It's one person is offloading all of their emotional baggage onto another person who has to just listen to it and, and try and help them fix them. Like if you went to your therapist and your therapist started telling you about all the crazy crap going on in their lives, all of their challenges with their family, their inner, deeper, deepest, darkest fears, you'd probably be like, well, this is kind of weird because therapy is one sided. So that is what it feels like in a relationship. If you are being a therapist to your guy, you're just sitting there listening to all of his needs, trying to help him, trying to help him. But the moment something comes up in your life that needs a little bit of resolve, you need a little bit of help, you need some emotional support, then suddenly he's not there for you because once again, it's very one sided. So never find yourself in this type of one sided relationship. A great, healthy relationship is all about partnership, right? You might be having a bad day, that means that he's going to take the load. You might be having a great day, but he's having an off day. You might be, you take on the emotional load. And this is why I believe that humans really gravitate to healthy, committed relationships. Because you have that equal support system doesn't mean it's equal every single day. But in the grand scheme of a life, it very much so is equal. The third very important part of all this is never, ladies, give a man boyfriend privileges without commitment. Does he want constant sex without having to commit to you? Possibly. Do we give it to him? Heck no, we would never do that. Does he want you to cook him dinner and have a wonderful evening where you can connect on a deep emotional level? Yeah, he might want that. But if he doesn't want a real relationship or want commitment or he's still confused on what he really wants, we don't do that. Not around here. Because if this guy just wants to have that girlfriend experience without having an actual girlfriend or commitment, then he's got to go look elsewhere. It's not happening here at Love Strategies, not with all of you ladies. You got to hold the line because there's some guys out there, they might be going through a divorce, they might be going through a really challenging time at work and they're just like, I'm not ready. My life isn't ready. But I still want to have that girlfriend experience that is going to suck up all of your emotional energy. It's going to exhaust you and it's going to cause you to get trapped with this man for the next two to three years. Knowing that it's not a real relationship, it's not real commitment, it's not going anywhere. Don't do it. Don't do it. Ladies, I assure you, I kind of feel like I'm your big brother watching out for you throughout all this stuff. And this is a very important one. That's why we have a little love step, which is called a little love step number six. And again, that's all@lovestrategies.com. i don't mean to Keep calling that out. I just. For those who don't know the little love steps, it's helpful for you to know where you can learn all of them. In little love step six, this is where we have a very clear conversation about commitment. What does it mean to be in a committed relationship and set very clear boundaries from the beginning about how this relationship is going to go? And what we always say here at Love Strategies is if in your little love step number six, that means you're in an exclusive, committed relationship, if you're in little love step number five, then you, my beautiful lady, are still single. So keep getting out there meeting other guys until it is abundantly clear that you're still single. And don't give these guys that wonderful part of you, that girlfriend experience, until this dude has earned it. Come on, ladies, don't do it. Moving on to number four, which is never ignore what we call relationship risk. One thing we teach our clients when they are going through the process of talking to multiple guys, you know, going on dates with a few different guys, trying to see if they meet their love vision, if they're kind of compatible with one another, if there's a friendship to be built, if there's attraction there. But all along the way, we're always assessing what we call relationship risk. And we call relationship risk rather than red flags, because I think it more encompasses the idea of what we're doing at this moment. Because if we're just calling it a red flag, and you'll see it with your girlfriends, like, the moment any red flag comes, they're like, oh, dump him. He's not right for you. It's too quick. That's not how things work in reality. So instead, we look at things in terms of risk, and there's degrees of risk. So let's say you start going out with a guy and he's a little bit flaky on you, and he maybe shows up 10 minutes late, then, okay, yeah, there's some people might call that a red flag, but we call that the risk has just gone up a little bit. Now, if he does that multiple times in a row now the risk starts to grow even more. Now, if you discover on his social media that he's commenting on, like, 25 other women's posts, and these are, like, local women nearby, okay? Now the risk has gone up really, really high. Don't ignore any of those things. Just assess the level of risk of getting involved with this guy. Another example of risk would just be a man who is still going through a divorce you know, or in quotes, going through a divorce. I had a new client join not too long ago who was dating a guy for like nine months and he kept saying his divorce is almost over. It's going to be over soon enough. It's just going to be me and you. And guess what? They got back together. The divorce never actually happened. I'm not glad that that happened. But it was a wake up call for this woman to recognize that she'll never put herself in that situation again. And now she needs a strategy moving forward in her love life. And so sometimes we need to learn those lessons ourselves in order for them to really be internalized. And so, you know, she's learned that lesson now. She really understands relationship risk and she's been dating and having a blast. So you know, in some ways it's like maybe it was a blessing for her. Finally, the fifth thing that you should never ever accept from a guy is never apologize for ending it with someone who doesn't meet your love vision. There's something that happens with all of you over givers out there and that is you get sucked into relationships with the wrong guys because you don't want to hurt feelings, you don't want to say next. You don't want to break it off with a guy even if you know in your core that he's not right for you. So I'd like to propose for all of you to think about dating just little bit differently. And that is dating when we're not yet in an exclusive relationship. If you're just dating, it is an inherently selfish process. It's still all about you and focusing on you, your needs, what is going to set you up for a long term healthy relationship in the future. And so we have to recognize that when you're dating the right way, it means you're going to be saying a lot of no's, you're going to be hurting some feelings along the way. It's going to be short lived for those guys. They will be okay. And you're going to have to look at it in the way of stop over giving to these guys. Be inherently selfish through that process. And then when you're in an exclusive committed relationship now, that is where you're over giving tendencies, or your giving tendencies I should say, can really kick into overdrive. That's where we're really going to lean in. That's where we're going to give into our partner in life. And when you give as much as you can to him and he gives as much as he can to you. Suddenly one plus one equals five, because both of you are just building each other up. And that's again why being in a healthy relationship is the path forward, I believe, for human flourishing. So just remember, these five things aren't rules that you need to follow. Instead, they're more like principles or they're just reminders that true love doesn't require you to shrink yourself. Like a high value man doesn't want to rescue you, he wants to respect you. And when you finally stop doing these five things, you stop chasing potential and start attracting partnership. Let me know in the comments if this resonated for you, and I will speak to all of you beautiful ladies next week. Thanks so much. Bye bye.